>listening to top40 pop and watching vine comps on youtube to get that vicarious sense that you're normal and enjoying things that normal people enjoy
>listening to earthmover in bed and gently rubbing your arm and neck, trying to induce the feeling that you're not lying alone in bed
>tfw 2015 is less than a week away
It's exciting and terrifying.
That's the way it goes man.
>feel ashamed to suicidal levels
I have no idea what to rec though. Giles Corey might be a good go-to or Codeine for some self loathing.
>tfw you'll never find the ideal girl in your mind because she is nothing like the real girls out there.
I feel this way.
Any albums for this feel ?
Nah dude I'm not spending it alone
>because I'm spending it at work ;-;
>tfw feel like your family are weird because they aren't very family-esque and seem to just co-exist more than interacting with eachother like a "normal family"
>tfw christmas is just the one day a year we eat dinner together at the table and otherwise a totally regular day, and even then it feels like just following formality and not something special
>tfw pretty sure my mother is an alcoholic
that's more common than you think really. The idea that you totally have to love and be a crazy close family is kinda weird to me since there's not really a solid reason beyond "these are the people you're constantly around for a large part of your life"
I've had many a Christmas that feels like that as well. Sometimes they're better than that for sure though.
>talk to your mother
William Bonney for sure.
>i hate every one I know
>then i wonder, where did my friends go?
doesn't make it any less shit worthy. To remove blame from yourself and place it onto others is seriously not okay no matter how common
posting about it on 4chan won't make you any better at owning yourself. You need to sit down and do some heavy self meditation
It's not okay but it makes sense.
A lot of people can't deal about being the fault of all their problems without turning to some seriously awful thoughts, including suicide. if they have to blame others just to cope with their issues it's more pitiful than worthy of criticism. That and most of them are trying to work on it, but its similar to telling a depressed person "wtf just dont be sad lol".
If you're going to call him out for it, at least offer decent advice rather than essentially saying hes a shitlord for doing so or just saying "stop it".
>tfw they just reveal flaws neither of you can get past and the love ends
you gotta be pragmatic about these kinda things though. Grab 'em by the intangible gonads and start fixing things up. I'd honestly suggest getting off of here. I obviously don't know your posting habits or anything, but if you're on here more than maybe an hour a day max, you should really reduce it and try to find something constructive to do that'll let you at least express yourself and tune yr body a bit. I highly suggest going for walks or doing a lil bit of exercise in your house
other people's expectations mean nothing so long as you're happy with yourself. If you aren't, change that. If you lack motivation, ponder why, and find yourself a goal or something that gets you excited (whatever that may be) and start working towards it. It'll likely lead you to find some kind of employment as well
I do. Quite a bit actually. Do you?
You should read some Judith Butler. Her idea is basically that gender is fluid and we play our parts constantly and that they change depending on our scenario (i.e. you may be a bit more "feminine" with someone you're close with, more "dude" with some friends or something like that)
cute asian girl and i become best friends. she's been dating this dude for a while, he goes off to college (we're still in high school). we make out/hook up several times and its a big deal because its kinda my first kiss. i develop crazy feelings for her and think we'll start dating. she chooses the other guy tho. she lied to him about how far we actually went (told him we just made out twice when irl we hooked up four times and did everything except have sex) and now he hates me. i hate myself for thinking i could deserve some sort of happiness/for making him hate me (i know i'm in the wrong here). she still wants to be best friends and i just dont know how to handle everything. i love her and dont want to lose her but idk if i can keep the whole "friends" thing going for much longer. also i cut myself and probably have manic depression.
>living in a small town
>my usual friends are plebs
>i fell alone and sad when i am with them
>found a guy with my same interests
>but he avoids me and i'm too shy to ask
>want to move to a bigger city
>feeling too old (i'm 18)
>codependant relationship, tons of fighting and annoyances
>she cheats on me after 3.5 years, broke up with her
>feel like you cant trust anyone
>noone left i care deeply about
You can only listen to ITAOTS and Hospice so much before they get old.
>tfw My balls hurt from jacking off so much and I don't get to see my girlfriend until new years eve
Titus Andronicus - The Airing of Grievances (seriously this is perfect for you)
you'll want to slit your neck while listening to this album
>barely getting by in school
>being a radio DJ is cool and all, but it barely pays the bills
>have feelings for my qt korean ex but there's no way I have my shit together enough to make her want to get back together
>all of the sorority girls who I had 1 night stands with never called back
>all I want is a yuppie girl who likes 70s jazz and civic design
>got my art published in a pretty note-worthy publication a while back
>the reception was covered by noisey and they photographed my piece
>tfw still feel insignificant no matter what
>just got back from spending a day with my father's family
>I hate them
>Grandfather is a nazi
>shouting his /pol/-tier bullshit really loud for HOURS
>my father felt really bad too, only person i liked there
>they all hate me
>didn't even get something for christmas from them
>tfw you're scared that you'll be like that someday
>tfw a girl likes me but I'm too anxious to talk to her
>tfw I'm actually paranoid that a bunch of girls organised a ruse to a boy they never spoke to, making him believe somebody likes him
>tfw I want to try to talk to her, and I waste everychance saying "tomorrow I'll do it"
pretentious asshole with broken heart; it's right there
Just accept that you like cock and live on - you don't have to choose, you know ?
>Don't fap for 1 month
>Start dating girl
>Get kinkier because hormone levels rising
>Tell her I want her to gain weight to get thicker
>She calls me a weirdo and dumps me
>Fap the next day
>Fetish immediately gone
>tfw you think you've finally matured enough to be in a fulfilling relationship with a girl but the only girls you know are either taken or platonic friends
>tfw only socialising i do is with close friends or at nightclubs where its too loud and everyones too drunk to talk properly
you're never too old
my friend came out a week before his 20th birthday and he's never been happier
>tfw would rather be weird and alone than be a boring normie with a gf
>just had lunch with coworkers
>at one point they were all talking about their significant other
>none of them had heard of death grips
>got broken up with 6 months ago
>gf started fucking one of my good friends
>no one in my friend group on my side
>can't stand the sight of them
>both ex and friend are my coworkers until May
recs for this unavoidable emotional torture?
I don't consider fat people human. When I see a fat person, I think, "where's the rest of your heard?" and I usually scan the room for other fatties. I usually don't expect them to even talk with people, I expect them to wait and only talk to fat people. When I do have the misfortune to run into one of these whales and are forced to talk to them, I usually don't make eye contact or smile.
Anyone else hate fatties?
literally nothing anon! thats the beauty of it. You can a long awaited permanent break after your done with this mediocre place! So fuckin live it up bud, and don't be scared of your rest, embrace it
>that feel when fuck buddy gets me two faulkner books and a gabriel marquez
>that feel when I only spent 15 minutes making her a shitty ambient mix (which she loved)
>that feel when I get drunk every night and watch star trek and then hit her up and have sex with her
>that feel when I don't want to date her because the reason we started sleeping together (a year ago) was because she was cheating on her boyfriend
>that feel when all my friends think we are dating
>tfw lost almost 20 kg earlier this year, but I've slowly been gaining them back
>tfw running out of money and my rent is coming up
>tfw still madly in love with my ex, even though she hasn't responded to my calls in almost 2 years
>tfw stomach ache
>tfw chair is pretty uncomfy right now
>tfw your career as an actor / director isn't taking off the way you expected it to
yeah i know but i feel like i have to hurry up to make all the stuff i wanted to do in adolescence or i will live my shitty life forever, i don't want to be a 40 years old neckbeard who wasted his life, sometimes i wish time would stop for a year or two..
>you will never make a series of critically acclaimed independent films
My last couple pieces I've done have only gotten a bit of attention / recognition
It's incredibly frustrating explaining a really specific thing like costuming, font, framing of a shot, or an actor's enunciation of a line to people who aren't really in the project
>tfw no shoegaze+noise thick qt gf to sit on my face and then cry with
>tfw social anxiety makes me act like a total weirdo around family and strangers
>tfw dread every holiday dinner because I make myself look worse every year
>tfw I'm actually an outgoing, funny person around friends but anywhere else I'm a shy, scared person
>tfw I just want to show my family I'm not a total weirdo
m-maybe next year
>tfw worked 80 hours over Christmas week
>tfw haven't slept for days
>At home alone in my dark room
>My best friend has been ignoring me
>After a fun summer and senior year.
>We both admitted having feelings for each other
>Now she's just another memory
>tfw no qt gf to lay next to on the floor with in our 3rd story apartment, on a shag carpet, on a friday evening, raining outside, nothing else mattering besides us and the records playing in the background
I feel lost and weak to survive life.
I just want something with incredibly heavy sounds to it and not terrible metal vocals. Really heavy noise rock, basically. Some good bands include Sonic Youth and Live Skull as well as other bands of early no wave like in No New York. Anyone know any more?
>moving in about a week to a town 1000x better than this one & finally doing something with my life
>feel a strange mixture of nostalgia, nervousness, and sentimentality, but most of all complete apathy towards everything somehow
what 2 feel
iktf. Right after highschool I moved from my comfy little village to NYC. Lived there for a few months, but now I'm back in said comfy little village :(
I regret leaving New York
>Finally starting to get in touch with a girl I'm interested in
>Going to record some of my songs this winter
>Meeting lots of old friends
>Things are starting to look good in my life
>Starting feel like I have a purpose in life
Though I'm afraid everything will fall apart soon
It seriously didn't really hit me until I boarded the plane to go home. I was just sitting there looking out over the city and all of a sudden I'm like "man, what the fuck am I doing?"
I don't know if I like a girl and if she likes me back. A bit insecure to try to talk to her. Music for this and what do?
>be 4 years old
>laying on bed w/ my mom while watching spongebob SquarePants
>hear some noises in the living room
>crawl to the door
>see my father on my mother with a knife
>they see me
>my mother hits my father
>he drops the knife
>and she throws him a doll with needles
>his face is bleeding
>my mother and I run towards the exit
>the police car is coming
>we take a taxi, and go to my grandmother's house
>was supposed to go on a date with her
>cancels day before saying she forgot and made other plans
>a week later fucks guy in the same room as me during a party
>she knew I liked her
Not sure what I can listen to for this feel.
get her out of your life dude and move on
I should have.
The thing is, I was one of her good friends, and I was too much of a chickenshit to do anything about it.
The guy was pretty cool though, she is just a huge slut that takes advantage of guys.
think i'm developing a psychological addiction to ecstasy
taken it at least once a week for the past 2 months and don't feel like I can have fun without it anymore.
Having the greatest times of my life but starting to feel they are all because of a fucking chemical
i've tried that, I'll go to a club, drink, then not enjoy myself and end up buying a pill off some punter in the club.
It doesn't help that most of my friends I have made through drugs and there is always something about.
Alcohol just doesn't do it for me anymore and as a student not drinking just doesn't really work
yep thats me to a T just different genders. purely sexual. in fact i actually dont really care for vaginas, its just tits
its honestly probably quite normal for both of us, i assume its less socially acceptable for a guy to admit though (whcih is unfortunate). but i rly cant help that lonely feeling afterwards
if your ecstasy problem really is a genuine problem then you have to stop spending time with your junkie friends and stop clubbing so much. if other students don't have a drug dependency then why do you? you've figured out the cause for your issue and that's the social group you've surrounded yourself in, exit that and you'll be psychologically sound again
>tfw you want to ask for advice about a relationship but scared they might see it
>you know they dont really browse anymore but just the off chance they do
m8 take it from someone who's addicted to opiates.
you don't want to continue using any drug regularly. unless it's something relatively harmless in comparison like caffeine or nicotine or weed (weed is even arguable tho at times)
i used to be content to just drink with the boys and i enjoyed myself. but then vicodin got thrown in the mix and after a few months i could not enjoy myself without having it.
my mind grew to not only become reliant on it to have a good time, but to function.
granted, opiates are both physically and psychologically addictive (whereas i don't think ecstasy is not physically addictive, you won't experience withdrawals from quitting) you're setting yourself up for being fucking miserable if you continue abusing this drug.
and even tho yah i gotta deal with both phys and psych addiction, the psych part is by far the biggest bitch to overcome.
you gotta take a break at the very least, otherwise you're hardwiring your brain to become dependent on a drug to enjoy yourself. not fun man. addiction is a bitch.
also, keep in mind ecstasy is terrible for you when taken in excess. that shit causes mental health problems like no other. have some willpower while you still have the ability.
It's just that I have the lingering thought in the back of my head that if I were to come out that I'm also attracted to men, I might not feel so ashamed about it. Which could open up the possibility of me seeking out a healthy gay relationship.
well try and think unbiased about the idea of you being with another man, how do you feel? does it feel generally nice/right, or not as preferable as if you were with the opposite sex?
>met someone last year, instant emotional connection, spent virtually every day with them since then
>our sexual orientations don't align
>this year we're living further apart and don't see each other as much
>social and psychological dependency on that person from last year hasn't subsided at all
>it fucking kills me to live apart from them
>ignoring all my other close friends, incredibly jealous when I see this person with other people
>starting to scare myself with how much this is affecting me emotionally
>feel like a shell of the person I once was/like my life is now all about someone else and I don't do anything for myself anymore
advice as well as recs would be cool
ecstasy is seriously one of the stupidest things to take in excess. you're supposed to take breaks from it for a reason, it depletes your serotonin and your brain needs time to sort that shit out. keep abusing it and eventually you'll completely ruin the effects it gives you (honestly to the point where you won't even want to take it anymore because everytime you do you don't feel anything), you risk developing serotonin syndrome (where your body can't produce enough serotonin naturally naturally anymore), your comedowns are just going to get worse and worse until you're barely able to function on them and you'll suffer from a load of other physical problems
at least abuse something worth abusing
just focus everything on your own mental health/doing your own thing. trust me
pick up some kind of hobby or focus on a hobby you already have and try to excel at it. go on walks, go out with other friends and try to meet new people either irl or even online
its going to suck for a while and things will remind you of them and what have you but it gets easier. maybe even delete them from social media if you wanna be drastic
id rec you something sad but its not good to dwell on things you already dwell so much on. try something uplifting https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCEYSx8MmGo
you are speaking sense here and I thank you for that but just dropping a whole friends group is hard. In the new year I think I'm gonna try and cut back, (yeah new year new me bs I know) limit my self to special occasions and try sort myself out a bit
cheers mate, I definitely will take a break for a while. I can see it's a path I don't really want to head down, even if that means having a few life changes.
I'm just having such a great time, I've met so many unbelievable people, made so many memories that will stay with me and I almost don't want anything else.
I can see it's a bad road to take though, even now the boys will pull out a bag of ket or coke and it can and probably will escalate.
Thanks though, I definitely need a kick in some sort of direction and confirmation of what I should do
tfw when your roommate up and moves out and you can't move back home because your goddamn shit person of a stepmom has made you not welcome there, and you're really wondering how you're going to pay rent next month. Oh, and your best friend is suicidally depressed. And you haven't seen your adorable half sisters in months because of stepmom, and you miss the shit out of them.
I realise this and it's another point as to why I think I should cut back. I've started to use 5htp (serotonin precursor) in the days before/after as damage control but you are still right
>smoked too much weed yesterday
>was pretty fucking gone and thought I was gonna be like this forever
>racing thoughts, only thing I could do was lay down and listen to music
>fell asleep and had some very vivid and strange dreams
>first thing I did today was meditate and clean my apartment
>today been thinking about a girl I met a month ago and gonna meet in 2 weeks
i know it doesn't help when the only thing to do is go out to bars and general carousing (my buddies were the same way, that's how we enjoyed each others company--drugs are always going to be prevalent during those instances). if you can, invite these people you've met or you're friends with to do things outside of the nightlife. have a jog in the day time, grab coffee, play ping ping, hike, anything.
a hobbie helps. healthy distractions m8. good luck.
has anyone here seen a therapist? what was your experience? i'm thinking of seeing one, but i'm afraid that it'll be a waste of time.
thanks man, this was really helpful. mostly i just wanna hear that this is something normal to be feeling. i don't have any romantic connection with them, i don't get why it's so intense? and i had no idea i had such an obsessive personality, it scares me and i really want that to go away (i haven't told anyone ever).
Good, actually. A therapist who's good will be able to pick up on the things you're unable to vocalize or word and will be able to understand you. Like actually understand. It's uncomfortable at first, because you ARE strangers, but it gets so much better.
I would listen to some powerviolence, but maybe that's not what you want at all
>meeting my closest high school friends after a year of college, was looking forward to it
>finally have a drink with them all
>now they seem like total uneducated racist homophobes to me
>work for school radio station
>frequently go above and beyond what is asked of me
>very committed to the station despite a lot of drama happening
>music director left after last semester
>both him and the sports director wanted me as the music director for next semester
>talked to faculty director about it
>he said he'll consider it
>fast forward to last week
>"I've chosen, as the new music director, some guy who's never worked at the station before
>but I'm willing to create a new position: assistant music director, and that would go to you
>what do you think? You have until Jan. 10 to decide."
>not sure whether to accept the second-rate offer or quit in a huff
It's fuckin' college radio, who cares? If you like what you do then keep doing it. And you never know, the random dude might actually know his shit (or at least be willing to learn).
I did before all the drama that I mentioned- the stuff that went down (caused by the same faculty director that's now gypping me of the role I know I deserve) caused all of my friends to quit.
I do like having a show, and it's possible that even in the lesser position, my being in an important role would convince some of my friends that it's worth coming back. Some of them did say they'd come back if I were the actual music director, after all.
Not to mention that my crush still works at the station for the time being (as if that matters, I'll never talk to her anyway).
It's not that he doesn't know his shit- he's apparently worked at other stations before- but after all the faculty director's said about showing commitment to the station, him going with someone who's never attended a single meeting over someone who's given up weekends for the station is the biggest slap in the face I've had in a while.
And yeah, it's petty bullshit, but the station's all I've had these last two years.
I don't even know his name, and probably won't be able to meet him until the semester starts, which is after the deadline I was given.
>Have a good friend
>He's my gateway in to his group of friends who are all cool to hang out with
>Gets a girlfriend
>4 months pass with her and he spends a lot of time with her
>Because of that I don't go out as much since I'm not yet to the point to be great friends with the group for them to invite me personally
>Earlier this week out of the blue invites me out to drink
>Tells me him and his GF split, he looks really upset
>Without thinking about his issues, only think that my New Year's plans are back on
Is this selfishness?
>friend's dad hung himself
>going to the wake tomorrow
Funerals and wakes suck man, I hate saying, "I'm sorry for your loss."
I just wanna show the family I really feel for them, but I can't find the words. I wanna be a small comfort in this time of grief, but I'm stuck with the same phrase everyone else is gonna say.
>meet qt girl
>idealize the fuck out of her
>foam at all the possibilities, the vacations to strange and new locations, museums, dances, birthdays, coffees, walks
>actually start going on dates with her
>small details about her looks and character start nagging at me
>start seeing flaws
>she's actually becoming a real person
>start becoming evasive and condescending
>dream falls apart
>stop answering messages
>hope to god we don't cross paths on the street
I used to be the same as you, I didn't know how to conversate with people, I was always that guy who killed every joke and was told I was annoying.
Honestly I just got better with practice and observation, and getting a bit more self confidence.
Observe, practice, and all that.
that feel when this thread is mostly just shitty and menial feels and not music to accompany or associate with them
>tfw you don't properly love your gf but you don't want to hurt her feelings
>talked to girl all evening
>got absolutely wrecked
>previously didn't know her at all but thought she was cute
>woke up next in her bed fully clothed at 6am the next day
>later woke up on my toilet floor
>don't think anything actually happened between us even though she was holding my hand and shit
>only really remember her telling me to meet her in the morning in a really cute way
>didn't because I was still drunk/asleep
>tfw probably pussied out but can't remember
>think about her all the time
>had a daydream about getting married before I realised how weird that was
>not gonna see her for a month at least
>tfw in love and I don't know why and I might have already fucked it up but I can't remember so I have no idea where I stand and it's haunting me
I see a therapist on a weekly basis. She's amazing. Before, I was in a depressive, suicidal funk. I couldn't feel feelings, I couldn't escape the hollowness of my life. A few months later, it's mostly a distant memory. My life's not perfect, but she's helped me accept imperfection better. So I got that going for me.
This isn't my first therapist, though. I had similar depression problems in high school and the one I had then sucked. So, if you don't like your therapist after the second session, don't hesitate in dropping their ass and trying a new one. You won't get shit accomplished if you don't like them.
Also, you won't get shit accomplished if you're not willing to change and recognize your flaws.
Good luck, anon. I hope your potential future therapy goes well.