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God has offered to make a deal with you....
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You are currently reading a thread in /mlp/ - My Little Pony

Thread replies: 110
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God has offered to make a deal with you. He will create intelligent multicolor ponies like the ones on the show, but in order for this to happen, this creature will come into existence with a permanent global distribution. One cannot happen without the other.

Is it worth it?
>>
>>26169001
>Bring ponies into the world
>Another equality and diversity shitfest for SJWs to latch onto
>World crushed even more under the weight of another intelligent race
>Now we get to live with flying spiders
Go fuck yourself, God. This is a worse deal than what you stuck Satan with.
>>
Fuck yes.

You never said they were aggressive toward humans.
>>
>>26169001
Implying spiders are not already bent on total destruction. Adding wings will only make my bug zapper more useful. Definitely the pones
>>
Shit, I'd do it *for* the flying spiders instead of the ponies. Flying spiders would be badass.
>>
>>26169001
Everyone loves tarantulas
Why not?
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>>26169001
>>
>>26169057
nigger that's a fucking TARANTULA

WITH WINGS

ITS BASICALLY THE SAME SIZE AS YOUR HAND
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>>26169001
Oh fuck, THESE threads again.
>>
>>26169053
They're not aggressive towards humans, but it's still a giant flying spider. You know those moths that hiver around your face? These spiders are like that.
>>
>>26169001
>with a permanent global distribution
Not on my watch.

t. cold climate
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>>26169001
nope x10000
>>
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Oh look, a thread I can actually post this in.
>>
>>26169001
I want to fuck that flying tarantula.
>>
>>26169094
Moths are cute.
>>
>>26169080
Not a tarantula. Some species of wolf spider (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolf_spider) which generally aren't dangerous.
>>
>>26169120
still a giant FLYING spider

If they were just normal ground-bound spiders I'd have no problem

BUT IF IT FLIES, IT DIES
>>
>>26169080
So I need a bigger bug zapper? I still don't see the downside of being able to stick my dick in a multi color horse
>>
>>26169001
I just realized: spiders probably shit. Which means that not only are people going to panic en masse when a swarm of flying wolf spiders blacken the sky, but they're literally going to get shat on, adding insult to (less than 50 cases per annum of) injurty.
>>
>>26169001
>2014+2
>being afraid of spiders
>>
>>26169192
People get shat on by birds all the time, why would this be different?
>>
>>26169305
Because it's spider shit. Nobody knows what it looks like. You're going to get shit on by a bunch of flying spiders and you won't even know it because nobody knows what spider shit looks like. You'll probably just flick it off without even wondering what's on your shoulder.
Even though I'm not a hypochondriac, I'm still concerned by such.
>>
What if we Just want the Spiders?
>>
>>26169252
>any fucking year
>not being afraid of a creature that, depending on the variety, can either kill you in one bite, rot off whatever part was bit with one bite, give you a painful 4-hour erection until you die, etc.
>>
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>>26169001
>Implying God isn't really Satan saying he's god.
>Only Satan would create such a creature.
>>
>>26169580
4 hour erection to the death sounds like a good way to go.
but is it real?
>>
>>26169733
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazilian_wandering_spider#Toxicity_and_prey
>>
>>26169733
>sounds like a good way to go.
Except that it's extremely painful and is the complete opposite of sexual pleasure.

If it's some generic spider, I guess it ain't too bad, but if it's every spider than fuck no. I'd rather dream about fucking a pony then try fucking one while a Brown Recluse, a Black Widow, and a fucking Goliath are dissolving me from the insides with fucking venomous poison.

Unless I have a suit like pic related, than fuck that. That's not even God, that's fucking Satan right there, fuck that.
>>
>implying spiders will just fly into humans for no fucking reason
>implying spiders wouldn't just fuck off away from potential threats even faster with the ability to fly, minimizing the necessity to bite motherfuckers in self defense
Easy choice. Mosquitoes on suicide watch.
>>
>>26169001
I think spiders are cute so yes but the real question is would you do it if It's considered taboo for you to be attracted to the ponies?
>>
>>26169080
Tarantulas are really friendly. That's why they're in movies so often, because they're easy to train.
>>
>>26169001
No.
Fuck no.
Not in a million years.

No amount of happiness in the world is enough to make me want to deal with that absolute monstrosity. That thing is proof that God is dead and evolution killed him.
>>
>>26169059
Technically spiders already can fly.
You never watched that movie of Charlotte's web? That's how they travel around, btw.
I say technically because they need the proper wind conditions, to make a web and shit.
>>
>>26169001
If they're just like the ones in the show, they have magic and the flying spiders won't be a problem.
>>
>>26169001
Those wings don't look strong enough to support itself. It'd be just like those roaches, they look freaky but they can't really fly at you minus one species.
>>
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>>26169047
You get it all wrong my friend
Just imagin siting on a hill with your waifu snuggled into your chest, watching the world burn
>>
>>26169001
>my waifu is yellow autism
>can control all living creatures and according to the comics even fucking living rocks by giving them "the stare"
>some new animal ever being a problem
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>>26169115
i like you anon
Have a pirate moth
>>
>All these people scared of nothing
>permanent global distribution

There are already spiders across the globe. When have any of you actually seen a tarantula outside of a pet store? Those wings wouldn't allow flight anyways.
>>
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>>26169001
No, no thank you. I'm fine with spiders as they are, and have had a pet tarantula before.
We are able to have such a beautiful relationship because any spider I'm willing to keep cannot get on my eye level.
>>
>>26169047
this, plus we would be have a species war against pony's. you think magical creatures would put up with our shit and we humans wouldn't try learning their secrets or just treat them as slaves, or vise versa. It would not end well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_p59tkFcAOc
>>
>>26169001
Good thing I live up north then. yes its worth it.
>>
>>26174408
>I'm fine with spiders as they are
I'm fine with spiders too, but a flying black widow is nothing to fuck around with.
>>
>>26169001
>You're having sex with your waifu.
>After all this time you smile with content as you fill her with your seed for the 15th time.
>Yeah you had a lot of endurance and she was a fucking goddess.
>As you slowly release your member from her vagi-grip you see something stick out of her cum-filled mare-vag
>Oh for fucks sake not again.
>Hundreds of those flying fuckers swarm out of her and crawl around her private parts...
>And yours.
>It hurts having large flying tarantula's inside your penis scuttling away and reproducing.
>But you did it for your waifu.
>You did it for her...
>>
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>>26169001
>>26169068
>>26169080
That's a huntsman with wings.

They're big, but completely harmless kawaii little friends.

I don't even need pones, these true bros will get rid of all the flies, mosquitos and annoying screen bugs in my room, since I have at least a dozen of these guys hanging around the house at any time.
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>>26175025
Oh i'm wrong, it has 2 eyes.
It's a wolf spider
>>
>>26175025
>>26175040
I got a hunch that this Anon is a spider.

I won't deny that they're bros, in fact if I was allowed to make friends with a critter it'd be a spider. But I'm always nervous of the chance of getting bit by the few that have the toxins to melt a small crater in your leg or something.
>>
>>26175079
No need to be nervous.
Poor little dears are more afraid of you.
If they nibble you, you probably were being mean to it.
>>
>>26175089
Yeah, it's utter fucking bullshit that these small fingernail sized black dimes can take down a fucking horse with one bite. What kinda twisted bullshit is that. I get the idea of self defense, but spiders can't even eat an entire human, why should they be able to slay one so easily?

Some spiders are cool, but some are assholes. Don't fucking cross over my keyboard while I'm eating, swear that pisses me off. Then they wonder why I rape their children.
>>
>>26175095
Only 0.07% of all spider species has killed a human.

Pls don't rape your little friends.
>>
I'm the only person in my family who likes spiders, and those would be amazing. I've held tarantulas before, and I'd definitely have a flying one as a pet. The pones would just be extra.
>>
>>26174185
more
>>
>>26169001
Fuck the ponies, I want a flying tarantula!
>>
God is real?
I would say "Do eeet!" just that he could prove he is god or some other kind of supernatural being.

So many people here being freaked out by spiders. Wouldn't be much of a difference if they are able to fly. Already now they are hanging and crawling over our heads. They also float in the air. Besides that spiders aren't looking for direct contact with humans and do their own business.

Heck I even am happy if there are spiders in my room, dealing with insects. If they would be able to fly they are even more effective. I can't kill flies just because they are annoying. But I crush mosquitoes because these shits attack me.

Of course another intelligent and civilised creature would be nice too. It would destroy the world even faster but whatever. They maybe would be able to end terror and war. The rest of our time on earth would be shorter but happier too.
>>
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>>26169001
Pretty sure with ponies and magic, they'd be able to wipe out the spiders.

That, or if we asked Fluttershy REALLY nicely, she'd make them all go away.

Try harder OP.
>>
>>26169001
Sure, it's not like you can't trust a spider or something.
Totally legit bros.
>>
>>26169001
Bloody hell yes it's worth it !
It's going to suck to share the planet with ponies, but it's a very small price to pay to make these beauties a reality.

I'll keep one as a pet and call it Myrtille, fuck now i'm sad it won't happen until i get my degree in genetic engineering. Fuck you OP.
>>
>>26169001
Those wings are way too small to carry it. It will just be like any other tarantula except it will have useless wings.
>>
>>26175119
>tfw living in area where deadly spiders are common
No risks worth taking
>>
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>>26169001
>Wish for pic related
>Get pone and spider protection
FIGHT ME, GOD
>>
>>26175119
>not wanting to rape a spider
You disgust me.
>>
>>26176649
thanks brittlebee!
>>
>>26169001
Sure I'd take that deal, I don't see too many downsides, I mean how often do you see spiders anyways?
I bug bomb my house fairly frequently so them being In my house wouldn't be a problem and if it was, I'm sure I could kill the spiders pretty easily, I'm like 10 times it's size, just becuase they can now fly doesn't change anything.
Plus to add on to this most spiders don't possess venom potent enough to kill a full grown man, black widows mainly. on the norm they can kill a child or possibly an elder, seldom a healthy adult man. The only 2 spiders to really watch out for are 1. a brown recluse, not becuase they're deadly per say but because the bite rots away your skin something nasty, but if I did happen to get bit by one, it's incredibly easy to run to the local clinic and get an anti venom to stop the venom. 2nd spider to watch out for is the brizialian wandering spider, now that shit will kill your ass faster than you can cry for help, but since it's pretty much a spider indigionious to Brazil, I'm not too worried ( I guess if you live in Brazil this deal might have you thinking more)
But these are all minute roadblocks for being able to snuggle with my pony waifu
Shout out to you god!
>>
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Some of the worst hallucinations I've ever had have involved spiders. So nah.
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>>26169001
I'm completely ok with all of that.
>>
I wish I still had that screencap of the Nintendo Wii spider debacle.

Goddamn spiderposters spreading their lies...
>>
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>>26178918
>>
>>26178918
>>26178947
I fucking love nature sometimes. The shit it comes up with is insane.
>>
>>26169106
One of the best books
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>>26169001
Fuck no, I have arachnophobia.
>>
>>26169001

Jesus Christ, you people are such pussies. Who the fuck is afraid of spiders? Spiders can't hurt you. Plus they can already fly by using strands of web and stuff. Why would giving them wings turn something that is not scary into something that is? Stop being afraid of spiders, idiots.

Yes, this is absolutely worth it.
>>
>>26169001
Why does it have to be spiders?
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SPIDERS?

I'm going to go with no. Sure multicolored horses will exist, but there's no guarantee they'd want anything to do with me. If humans are any indicator, odds are, no.

If pone came into existance, and I'd get my lovely pone waifu, then I'd say yes. She doesn't like spiders either; we could cower in each other's arms at least.
>>
>>26178947
Fuck that. Fucking wasps made mud grenades filled with spiders being ready to get deployed in swarms.

What kind of sadistic fuck would design such lethality for insects? Fucking satan's bullshit ass.
>>
>>26175840
God is no wishing well.
In fact, in none of the world's religion is any deity a wishing well. They make stuff happen but not like a fucking genie.
What you're describing isn't God but Satan or any other demon granting wishes immidiately.
>>
>>26179353
>>26179353
>who the fuck is afraid of spiders
you're delusional of you think that's abnormal
>>
>>26169848
>extremely painful
for you
>>
>>26179623
I'll take this moment to add that some people are born that way. Arachnophobia is something you can't just up and 'deal' with. It's even in the movie of the same title, the dude says that he isn't 'scared' of spiders, but when one is around him freely he just can't move at all.

Being afraid of something that can kill you is like, instinct.
>>
>>26179834
Good thing that they aren't as horny as dolphins. Would you imagine waking up each morning with a thousand little fuckers humping you senseless?

Wait a second let me whack off to that thought
>>
>>26169001
Would they breed like flies? Do the wings work? Can they survive anywhere?
>>
>>26179353
Its an irrational fear by any definition, and i think that most people with arachnophobia realize its irrational, but its a fear nonetheless
Its kinda like as kids when we would run up the stairs away from a dark basement, we always knew there was nothing to be scared of, and people would tell us that there was nothing to be scared of, but we still sprinted up the stairs nontheless
>>
>>26169001
>You finally have that spare time with your favorite pony
>He/she says that wants to go into the next base of relationship
>Bends over and is showing his ponut/her marevag at you
>You are prepared
>Suddenly you heard a buzz
>Jesus no it was all a trap
>From inside your favorite pony, a lot of flying spiders crawl outside his ponut/her marevag
>You watch in horror as he/she cums more of the ungodly creatures
>Your favorite pony starts singing itsy bitsy spider as the spiders crawl into your dick and inside your urethra
>>
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>>26174983
>>26181027
>>
>>26176649
>thanks brittlebee!
>>
>>26169001
Can I fuck the spider instead?
>>
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>>26181027
Only one option left...
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If this cuttie comes with all the spiders, then i acept the contract.
>>
>>26170838
>Train
Nigga you can't train a tarantula. The way they make them move in a direction is by blowing air at them through a straw. The tarantula reacts by shying away from it, just like if you poked it.
>>
>>26169001

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/gliding-spiders-found-falling-tropical-trees-180956320/

Have you so soon forgotten?

Spiders can already glide.

Soon, they'll simply evolve wings...
>>
>>26181013
>Its kinda like as kids when we would run up the stairs away from a dark basement
>as kids
You dont need to lie , anon. We all try to out run that invisible thing that starts sprinting at us from the far side of the basement when the light goes out. Just don't trip.
>>
>>26176649
thanks brittlebee!
>>
>>26183503
Haha alright Anon you got me there, toche, good sir, toche
But seriously what the fuck is it about the whole situation, I never undertook why I we have the compulsion to run, I'm sure it's evolutionary to some degree but I can't quite put my finger on the source
>>
>>26183503
The funny thing is as a kid I was never afraid of the dark, I would actually turn off the lights and wait to see if the monster in the dark my friends talk about looks like
>>
>>26183313
Gonna give it to ya
>>
>>26169001
totally, that's a wolf spider, totally harmless to humans and it's winds are on backwards so dynamics says it can't fly. win win.
>>
>>26174434
>embblyink we wouldn't be dependent on pony magic to keep us safe from the horrors

They'd also be dependent on us keeping the rapefugees from defiling their species.
>>
>>26175025
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r011GRdai8Q
>>
>>26169001
If they're edible then that would be pretty swish. How much protein is in a fried spider?

>>26175089
To be fair, spiders are far too stupid to be afraid of anything. They simply act on impulse and impulse alone. If a spider bites you, it's not because that's what it decided to do, it's because that's what it's neural programing told it to do.

Saying anything else is a whimsical over personification.
>>
>>26185197
I present to you on of the most kawaii spiders on Earth. The portia jumping spider.

Capable of complex learning and problem solving, and having some of the most intelligent hunting behaviours observed.

Most species of jumping spiders are smart cookies too, they are the Border Collies of the arachnid world.
>>
Does spider have pusspuss?
>>
>>26185254
Nope, pouch pouch.

You give them a web ball with your penal juice in it and they put it in their pocket.
>>
>all these spider sympathizers
>>
>>26185230
They're still pants on head retarded when you compare them to most mammals. They just have a much more adaptive neural matrix than other spiders do that allow their instincts to be applied more flexibly. That and they have the advantage of having better base instincts to use as a starting point for trial and error behaviors, which includes backing off if shit gets heavy, so that they can do it slightly diffrently until they get what they want.

Still, I need you the point that some spiders are much more intelligent than people will give them credit for.
>>
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>>26185280
But they learn anon, they learn and they remember.

So be nice to them and maybe they will give you presents.
>>
>>26185276
>Not read Zones Of Thought
>Not reading Deepness In The Sky that is literally about autism and giant space spiders
>Not reading Fire Upon The Deep which is about transient hyper intelligent beings and hive mind puppies
>Not reading Children Of The Sky which is about kids and hive mind puppies and the hive mind puppies industrial revolution

Definitely recommend it by the way. Just look up Zones of Thought by Vernor Vinge
>>
>>26185291
>inb4 the unspoken twist of the deal with God is that the spiders are just as intelligent as the Ponies or the Humans
>inb4 we all learn to tolerate each other enough to become spacefaring and take over the universe while we silently mutter slurs at each other
>>
>>26176649
thanks brittlebee!
>>
>>26179353
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chilean_recluse_spider
someday I will get out of this shit hole
>>
>>26185330
Being a space-faring adventurer on a small modded ship with a crew consisting of a cute pony waifu and a winged spider bro? God, I've never asked for anything. Do this now, God.
>>
>>26183796
For me it's specifically on stairs. I usually run up steps and for what ever reason the combination of darkness and running makes something click in my hind-brain. I guess to my instincts dark + running = running FROM something. Other than on the steps i can putter about in the dark all night and it won't spook me.
>>
>>26169068
>>26175025
>>26175040
That's a wolf spider, and it has 8 eyes like most other spiders.
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