>"Hey Anon!" >"What gives? Everytime I come

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Uh, you don't get to bring friends

Can I cum inside you?

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>>26122168

No because you horses are annoying.

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What's wrong with drinking alone, cadet?

>>26122168
>You're so drunk that you think the plush is talking to you
>"Hey Anon!"
>"What gives? Everytime I come here you're always sitting alone!"
>"Don't you have any friends?"
>If your subconscious was real you'd punch it right now.
>Drinking was the only way to get rid of your worries in life, even if it was only temporary
>You take a long look at the half full glass and hold it up in the air.
"At least I have you, right?"

>>26122168
Ha, who wants friends... Well I guess I did, once. In fact I'm Waring his jacket. What a sexy fuck. I swear I'm straight, but the way he held me down and told me how much I wanted to kiss him. I lied and told him I didn't, but deep down he was the only guy I'v ever felt this way about. I take the jaket off and cuddle with it knowing I'll never get the chance to tell that fag. How was I suppose to know he was going to , well, you know. I'll never forgive myself for not letting him know how I felt. Thank you for bringing back those memories fagot.

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God I love drunk pones. They're so fucking cute. It's not even a sexual thing for me really.

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>>26122361
Wanna share the long version? Gonna be here all night.

>>26122436
Well I'm drinking so it might get a bit slopy but fuck it I'v got nothing better to do

>>26122395
>It's not even a sexual thing for
Suuuuuuuuuurrrreee

>>26122168
Nice try, but I found your shitty NDT in thin disguise.

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>>26122538
I'm not saying drunk ponies aren't sexually attractive. It's just the main draw for me is the cuteness.

>>26122505
When I was in middle school I was the lowest common denominator. I had an abusive father, and honesty that might have made me weak for a male rolemodle. I would break into tiers over stupid shit like failing a quiz. I feared my fathers disapprove like one would fear saten nipping at his heals. My mother eventually left him. I couldn't. I have no reason to hold onto him but I cant help but cling to the past.

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>>26122168
>How can I be the designated flier when I don't have wings

>>26122570
Eventually I moved to a new school around 9th grade. I didn't know how to act so I would do say stupid shit just hoping to fit in. I just wanted the shit slinging to stop. They would throw roten pennut shells at me. I was about to break when someone came up to me. He was a bit of a prep but he wasn't a complete ass. He introduced me to my new friends. They were a bucnh of emo fags, but I was alone. Eventualy I won them over. I convinced them I could get weed. Being a massive fag of corse I couldn't but shit pulled itself together for me just this once. My brother sold me some. I was finally cool

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>>26122168
No. Also, I prefer drinking alone.

>>26122168

Your tiny pony seats are too small for me. So I have to sit here in the corner so I don't break something, and since nobody every comes to say hi, well..

But either way you guys have some class A hard cider.

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>>26122666
Yeah? With nobody else?

>>26122652
I pulled this a few times. I would bring booze just hoping to get the one of my affections eye long enough to get him to comit to me. One night after a bit of smoking and drinking he walked up to me. Being drunk I wast as nervouse as usual, but still this was my only frien, and the man I would do anything for. He pushed me agenst some boxes and put his face next to me. I wanted to cry. It felt like back when thouse kids wanted to treat me like shiit. Tjey woud hold me down and force me to eat shit like peanut shells, and worse. But he calmed me. He kissed me on the cheek. This was the first real affection I had ever gotten from another.

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>>26122757
You're fucking gay, shut up.

>>26122757
I wound up falling for him.I never told him. I grew up in south Alabama. Such feelings for another man wouldn't end well. Atlest that's what I told myself. I wound up moving but I wanted something to remember him by. I took his jacket. I felt bad and told him I was stealing his jacket. He chased ,e to the door half halfheartedly. He wanted me to have it. Still he pretended not to and yeld at the door I will get it back. Perhaps hopeful I would return. It wan't a month later I learned he had.... I have always held this jacket as one of my prized possessions.

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>>26122830
Damn sorry.

I do but I don't talk to them that much. I'm afraid that if I keep pestering them to spend time together they will mistakenly believe I am gay for them.

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>>26122822
Least he's not a faggot like you.

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>>26123393
Hey, fuck you buddy.

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>>26122168
>Anon eyes Dash then sets his mug down.
"I used to come here with friends."
>"Why'd you stop?" she asks.
>Anon sighs a heavy sigh.
"I once had a drinking contest with one of my pony friends. Given that I'm several times the size of the average pony in Equestria, we should have known that it wouldn't be fair. But.."
>Anon's eyes become hazy
"..Well, it didn't occur to any of us."
>A hush has fallen over the bar, and the barkeep slowly shakes his head, reliving the moment.
"And so we slammed back shot after shot. Beer after beer. And I was too drunk to notice that my opponent wasn't looking too good. But they kept up with me.. They wanted me to have fun."
>A sole tear trickles down Anon's face.
>He looks at Dash, begging with his eyes for forgiveness, for hatred, for anything. Anything would be better than the shame and guilt he had lived with now for so long.
"Can't you see?? I killed them! I killed my only fucking friend. In a goddamn drinking competition."
>Anon collapses on the bar and begins to cry.
>Dash stares into her beer, her desire to drink all but gone.

>>26123524
>and so she leaves.
The end

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>>26123524
>"No offense, Anon, but your friend sounds like a little bitch."

>>26122168
Why do you care?

>>26123524
Edd Jee

>>26122168
Because this is our date Dash, you are ruining our date.

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>>26122361
>>26122570
>>26122652
>>26122757
>>26122830
Shit man, that's heavy. I'm sorry you had to go through all that shit. Fuck bama.

Here's a tune to play for anyone else while they read that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp6JfX7HxZ4

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>>26123524
Severely edgy, but...

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>>26124355
We need to take the edge to 11

>>26124618
I know it was stupid mad edgy but I'm in the mood to read shitty drunken greentexts about shitty drunken anons.

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>>26124201
Please...not that song...please...

>>26122830
bleach

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>>26124662
Perhaps this one instead. Pic related.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEPV4kolz0

>>26123419
HE'S NOT YOUR BUDDY, GUY!

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>>26124936

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>>26122168
"I used to."
>Dash gives you a you're-fucking-with-me look
>you turn back to your glass
>not sure if you expected her to laugh or walk away, but neither happens
>she takes a seat next to you
>she studies her own stein for a while, before taking a small sip
>"What happened?"

>>26122168
Well it all started with a microwave and a theory of time travel........

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>>26125307
>Several minutes go by. You never answered her.
>What did happen?
>You think back about the way shit used to be.
>Drinking buddies
>Shitposters
>Waifu fags
>You didn't miss the who
>You missed the what
>And part of the what was having a shared interest
>Now all you have left is a habit.

>You finally look to your right from the corner of your eye and answer.
"Shit ain't how it used to be."

Hey bitch what gives everytime you come here you're eyeing up the women

Bet you've never been kissed before

>>26122186
I'm waiting on the masketta man

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>>26123524
>Berry Punch slowly makes her way over to the sobbing Anon, and gently pats his shoulder
>She rests a hoof on his shoulder and says, loud enough for all to hear:
>"Anon, if you've got an issue," she flicks a kleenex in front of Anon's face,"here's a tissue."
>For a moment the bar is silent then, in a sudden eruption, everyone bursts into laughter.
>Berry Punch looks around at the laughing faces and pats Anon on the back.
>Mirth restored, the bar regains its pleasant atmosphere.
>Anon wipes his tears away and smiles at the drunken pony.
"You're right, Berry. Wasn't right for me to bring everyone down like that."
>Berry Punch gives him a wink
>"You know what I look for in a friend, Anon?" she asks.
"What?"
>Berry smirks.
>"S-Someone who isn't such a pussy that they can't hold their liquor... or beer, as the casemaybe."
>Anon smiled at her slurring speech.
>Berry clears her throat.
>"Now hear this, lads. My ol' pal anon here is feeling pretty low, so less sing a SONG to cheer him up."
>The bar crowd roars in agreement.
>Berry Punch starts to sing, and soon everyone joins in:
>"A long time ago, way back in history!
>"When all there was to drink was nothin' but cups o' tea!
>"Along came a pone by the name o' Charlie Mops!
>"An' he invented a wonderful drink and he made it out o' hops!!
>"HEY!
>"He must have been an admiral, a sultan or a king
>"An' to his praises we shall always sing!
>"Why look at what he's done for us, he's filled us up with cheer!
>"Celestia bless Charlie Mops, the pone who invented BEER BEER BEER!"
>Well that had turned Anon's frown upside down.
>"You know, Anon, if there'sss one thing I've learned in my sshort time here, it's that there'ss not a problem in Equestria that can't be solved by a stiff drink."
"I'll drink to that, Berry."

>"Hey Anon!"
>"What gives? Everytime I come here you're always sitting alone!"
>"Don't you have any friends?"

"HOLY SHIT A TALKING HORSE"

>>26122168
>you look up from your glass
"You know damn well why dash."
>you slam back the rest of the drink
>rainbow looks confused, she's pretty drunk
>a flash of what happened is in your head, what she did
"Leave me alone dash... I don't need your drunk ass around"

>>26125448
Man, that show was one helluva fucking ride. I'm scared to play the VN.

>>26127421
Don't be! Ruka has her own route!

I have a wall of text about my friends saved. I bet you fags won't be able to read it.

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>>26128016

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>>26122168
Bitch, this place sucks. Ain't no human girls or trill niggas

>>26122395
>>26122538

Isn't that more or less the definition of "whiskey dick"?

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>>26129204
Naw, that's when you get hard but can't cum so you fuck well past the point you should.

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I need cute stories about cute drunk ponies now!
Please.

>>26123524
WELL THATS EDGY AS FUCK

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Dash really does attract a lot of faggots and teenagers.

>>26122168
bump

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>>26123580
Fuck that made me laugh so hard.

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>>26123580
Holy fucking shit anon my sides. My sides anon, they're in orbit my friend.