>'Oh Anon? A little birdie told me that you'd asked

>>26116023
Let's try this Discord

>>26116023
This thread again? Ok, last one was fun

>>26116055
>>26116033
This is a dubs thread now

>>26116023
Sure why not

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>Rarity is secretly in love with Anon and has been intentionally setting him with mares progressively similar to her but with flaws which ultimately doom the relationship
>Endgame of her plan is to finally suggest as Anon's matchmaker that he date her instead, hoping Anon will see her as the perfect match
>Her plan is led astray, however, after Anon, frustrated with his string of failed relationships, says to hell with it and accepts Discord's offer
>Rarity's face when she discovers Discord knows of her plan and is in fact doing the same thing himself to Anon

Shall I green?

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>>26116033
>>26116055
>>26116099

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>>26116023

I feel as though this Mark Twain quote is highly appropriate for this thread...

but I like boring.

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>>26116023
What if i would want to date Fluttershy, for example?

>>26116430
please do

>>26116023
I'd honestly rather give up and fuck you instead.
shapeshifter sex is wild, homo or not

>>26116430
>doing the same thing himself to anon
Trying to set Anon up with himself, or with her? Actually don't spoil it.

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>>26116033
>>26116055
>>26116099
>>26116822
>>26116833
AAAAAAAHHHHH

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>>26116023
>Anon agrees to Discords proposal
>Discord ends up turning himself into a mare and hopes Anon doesn't notice

>>26116954
Who wouldn't bang that beauty

potential bump?

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>>26116023
I hope she doesnt have tentacles or some shit.

Wait for greentext

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>>26116023
dump for dubs

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>>26116023
>You stare at the Draconequus suspiciously, your eyes narrowing at him
>He simply stares back with sparkling eyes and a grin that gets wider every second
>Your eyes turn into thin slits
>His grin expands off of his face
>You can barely see out of your eyes now, it’s all covered in a thin black haze
>He smiles like the Cheshire Cat, and briefly becomes coloured with pink and maroon stripes
>Engage frisk_face.sprite
>His happy face threatens to consume all of ponyville
>You finally break first, and decide to ask what the hell he means
“Wha—”
>Halfway through your first word, his face snaps back to their original proportions with an elastic twang, and he begins to speak
>”Its just that, every time I see you go home, you always look down in the dumps, no one to cuddle with at night, and no one to wake up to the next day,”
>You raise an eyebrow and feel the tiniest bit of dread pool in your stomach
“Dude, have you been stalking me?”
>Undaunted by your question, and reluctant to answer it, he continues, teleporting next to you with a pop and laying a taloned hand on your shoulder
>”Seems no one has time for the monkey from another realm,”
>He sighs in a mockingly wistful way, motioning to the other ponies meandering about town as though a hairless ape and a amalgamation talking in the town square was the most normal thing in the world
>The stories you’ve heard, and the events you’ve seen tell you that this town has endured far stranger things
>You briefly wonder what it must be like to be so jaded with reality, before Discord’s words fully click
“Hey!”
>You push his claw off your shoulder.
“I resent being called a monkey,”
>He draws back slightly
>”Oh, I am sorry—”
>You cut him off.
“Monkeys would find that offensive,”
>His face deadpans and he gives you a blank look, while you smile a shit-eating grin at him
>He snaps back into his happy mode

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>>26118253
>”You see? A sense of humour like that is wasted without someone around to appreciate it! I insist you let me find a special somepony for you immediately!”
>Your eyes narrow once more
>His grin returns
>You won’t win that fight
“You’re gonna drag mares from other dimensions into this one just so you can play matchmaker”
>He seems hurt by your allegation
>”Who, moi? You must be confusing me for some other chaotic demigod”
>You cross your arms like a black mother staring at their kid’s report card
“Uh huh. So, no extrademensional women?”
>You lean forward as he smiles bashfully
>”Well, I can’t promise that”
>You shoot him a look
“Discord”
>He points up towards the sky
>”There are a lot of females in the great expanse that—”
>You hold up a hand to silence him
“No one from other dimensions, no one from other realms, and no eldritch horrors!”
>He huffs, crossing his arms and sitting on the floor like a sulky kid
>”You sound just like Twilight at our last quarterly review”
>He pouts at you, but you tap your foot on the ground expectantly
>You used to babysit back home, you could go toe to toe with an angry niglet at bedtime, a demigod is child’s play (hueh)
>He finally caves, and throws his hands in the air
>”Fine. No eldritch beings”
>He fishes a locket out from a pocket in his fur, and opens it
>“They make lousy partners anyways”
>He tosses the locket away, and you get a look at… something inside it. Something that makes your head ache
>The locket disappears into some pocket universe or shadow dimension or an eldritch plane of suffering
>”So, mares or stallions?”
>You come back to the present and glare at the chaotic being like he had just grown another head… again
“Excuse me?”
>You try to sound indignant
>You like the pussy, definitely
>He shrugs innocently
>”Well I don’t know, do I? You might swing for both for all I know”
>You scoff
“I haven’t even agreed yet!”
>”Yet?”

>>26118285
>You stammer for a second before waving a hand and rubbing your temples
>You are not NEARLY drunk enough for his bullshit mind games.
“Whatever, and by the way, why are you helping me? What do you get out of it?”
>He puts a claw over his chest
>”Why simply the satisfaction of helping a friend in need,”
>If your face got any more wooden you would make like a tree and leave
“Discord—”
>He cuts you off with more of his bullshit
>”Well don’t sound so grateful!”
>He turns away, faking offense
“Discord.”
>The wood has aged to a fine mahogony
>”Honestly, I offer to lend a helping hand, or paw, to spice up your stagnant love life and I get suspicion and impossible parameters to work with,”
>The finest craftsponies are varnishing your face to make amazing works of art
“Discord!”
>He finally looks back at you
>”Hmm?”
“What’s in it for you?”
>He chuckles and smiles, but doesn’t answer
>You repeat the question slowly.
What. Is in it. For you?”
>He waves a hand dismissively
>”Nothing I swear!”
>You don’t buy it for a second
“Uh huh. Give me your word,”
>He loses all colour
>”What?”
“Give me your word as a chaotic demigod that you are doing this for purely selfless reasons, and you get nothing from it,”
>You saw this in a movie once
>An old cartoon in fact
>Considering this world looked like a technicolour orgasm on LSD, you figured you’d give it a shot
>”Uhh,”
>His eyes dart around for an escape.
>“Where did you get the idea that something like that would ever work?”
>You smile
>You had him by the balls
“An old movie. Now give me your word,”
>He makes an expression like a fish gasping for air

>>26118301
>”W-why should I have to prove anything to you?”
>You inspect your fingernails
>Maybe Discord wasn’t entirely unjustified in his assumption of you swinging both ways, considering what you were doing
“Well if you are telling the truth then it should be easy for you, huh?”
>You smirk at him in victory as he visibly sweats
>Your gaze pierces his victoriously
>He finally relents
>”Okay fine! I can’t give you my word because I do get something out of it”
>Pursuit_Cornered.mp3
“AH-HA”
>You extend your arm and point at him wildly
“I KNEW it! I KNEW you were bullshitting me!”
>He holds up his hands in defence
>”But I can promise that it is nothing malicious, or ill-willed”
>He quickly drags a claw over his chest, making a small glowing X over his heart
>Holy shit it’s actually a thing
>You look at the X, then back at him
>He seems genuine enough
>And he just gave you his word
>You were interested in that and that alone
>You click your tongue in thought
>At the end of the day, he was offering to be your wingman
>Was it really so back having a thousand-year old god by your side on a pub crawl?
>Maybe not
>You unfold your arms and nod
“Okay, I’m intrigued enough to go along with it for now”
>He claps his hands in glee and slithers up next to you
>”Splendid splendid!”
>He clears his throat and dusts you off
>“Now, a real quick tip; hold your breath while this happens or your lungs will explode”
>He holds up a claw
>Your eyes go wide
“Wait what—”
>He snaps
>Your stomach does cartwheels and the world becomes expanded, as though you had set your FOV too high
>You can still see that shitlord waving at you as you are teleported to god-knows where
>You manage to scream as you are sucked from that reality into whatever monstrous hell awaits you
>Discord calls through the reality-hole after you
>”Have a nice trip!”
>You scream back in a fury that would rival the sun
“YOU BASTARD”
>Everything goes white

>>26116954

My goodness, Eris does get around a bit, doesn't she?

>>26116954
Like i said, last thread was good
>discord turns himself into a mare, and her family to ruse anon to date her/him
Something like that

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>>26116023
Who are you and what are you doing in my house?

>>26118550
He wants to cum inside you

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>>26118323

>>26118323
more?