>>26072964 Sometimes you just need a person to talk to that's consistent. Whether that means you never let people go, or you hop from one crutch to the next by figuring out people quickly, is up to you. Anyway, threads like this were never the kind of heart-warming thing you'd expect, at least not consistently.
>>26073040 The thing is, for some reason I can't attach myself to anyone for long, but I still need company. I've had a few months long friendships that sometimes I felt like were blossoming into something more, until one day I suddenly felt like I couldn't take this person anymore and ceased all contact. I know I've hurt at least two people this way. I don't understand myself and I just feel like shit, abandoning people and whining about how lonely I feel. I don't even know if I should keep trying.
Also, sometimes I'm able to genuinely enjoy myself, but then I remember I've never put meat in a grill.
Oh, and don't give me this 'we a bad crowd kid' talk, you fuckers can be pretty cozy when the mood strikes you.
>>26073232 Well anon, it sounds like you've either got commitment issues or you were expecting something from the person that never happened. Either way, it seems like you are the problem, and you admit it, at the very least. You should try to figure yourself out. Try to figure out what the breaking point is where you cut them off, and see if there's any connection there. Cause it's not fun to have someone cut you out of their life with no explanation or anything leading up to it.
Also, if by "meat in a grill" you mean, have sex, then you really need to get over it. It's not a rite of passage, it isn't a set of goalposts, and the only people who judge you based on it are probably not the sort of people that you need in your life. Besides, once you figure out how to connect with and stay in contact with people, it will come on its own (Haha, double entendre).
>>26073347 Thanks anon. Commitment issues if I had to guess, responsibilities make me want to fall over, but how do I deal with it? Brainstorming it by myself didn't get me far.
And no, virginity doesn't bother me because of other people. A few of my friends know and they never gave me shit for it, not even a little. I just want to know what it's like, for myself. It's not like I'd brag about it to anyone.
>>26073232 >The thing is, for some reason I can't attach myself to anyone for long, but I still need company. I've had a few months long friendships that sometimes I felt like were blossoming into something more, until one day I suddenly felt like I couldn't take this person anymore and ceased all contact. I know I've hurt at least two people this way. I don't understand myself and I just feel like shit, abandoning people and whining about how lonely I feel. I don't even know if I should keep trying. >Also, sometimes I'm able to genuinely enjoy myself, but then I remember I've never put meat in a grill. Talking about the second point first: just find a gril that's willing. Sure it'll take some effort, but it also shouldn't be too hard to do. Use the internet if you get stuck not knowing what to do, though I'd say advice from casual anons and commentors is terrible for this overall. Other anon was basically saying don't let it consume your thoughts. I'd agree, but if it's keeping you completely down regardless of how you distract yourself, then you absolutely should lose the virginity.
I have the same problems with friendships - sometimes people don't understand how lazy I am and this leads to a series of events that hurts them in the end. Feels like if I was able to just talk more, even about unimportant things, then they wouldn't end up thinking I'm fradulent.
I'm depressed, I've lost almost everyone I've cared for, been let down by the people who I thought I could trust, i'm overworked, people expect too much from me while giving little in return and I feel dead inside.
>>26073232 How about next time you feel like you're exhausted with a person, you tell them about the issue instead? Just go with total honesty- tell them what bothers you, but also that you don't really want to keep abandoning people.
>>26073904 >the mathematics that is my career. I like you. And I feel similar, except that I find that I can never be content with what I have. Once I get something I want, I move on from it, defeating the purpose of striving for it. But I always find myself doing this. Which at first I saw as a great motivator, but realized that it means I'll never be happy. And I'm willing to accept never being happy because I don't expect it to happen. I also can't bring myself to see anything in solely positive or negative roles, as everything is good and bad, and will eventually become neutral.
I'm also afraid of death, whether you call me atheist or agnostic, whatever, it doesn't matter. I don't want to die. So I do everything I can to try to keep myself focused my studies. Cause I've convinced myself that I can find a solution. But deep down, I know I will die someday, and that will be the end of it all. I will become neutral, and that scares the shit out of me.
>>26073522 Well, if the sex is just for your benefit, then I'd try and go with what >>26073542 said. That will, of course, require effort on your part. If you don't want to commit, as you previously mentioned, then try to find a one-night stand at a bar or something.
For your other point, thinking about it by yourself, without any kind of input from outside will not get you any further than you've already gotten. Unfortunately that means you either need to interact with people willing to talk about it, which you've done here, or you need to read what other people have to say about it in text. This would be research, and takes a lot of effort and responsibility. Specifically, to do that kind of research and thinking, you have to want to do it, which presents another problem entirely if responsibility to yourself is difficult for you.
I can understand commitment being something difficult to deal with. Because with commitment, come responsibilities. Both of these things you've mentioned you have trouble with. Unfortunately for you, they are very much tied together when it comes to other people. Most people are willing to give you a pass if you explain why you act the way you do to them, but that only gets you so far. Sometimes people can't handle it, sometimes people don't want to make the space you need, and if they don't reach out to you, you have to reach out to them if you want to keep them around. That might mean that you drop out of contact, and that's okay. Eventually you find people who do, and they'll be very good friends, and you need to let the other people go, and realize that it really isn't your fault. But when someone contacts you, you do have to respond. If you're afraid they're going to hurt you in some way, that's okay. That is a legitimate fear, and lots of them will, and that is also okay. If they apologize, forgive them. If you were in the wrong, you can apologize and they'll forgive you. If they don't, you might need to let them go.
>>26074051 >find a one night stand at a bar or something. Not OP, but this is a terrible idea in today's world. This gives any woman a free ride and then a guilt free chance to get free restitution money by saying rape. And if it doesn't work out for her, she can't be charged for falsified statements or perjury, cause she's still the victim somehow simply because she's female and it's a sex crime case. Because America.
>>26074090 Truth. I don't know where anon lives, but yes, be aware of the dangers inherent in a one-night stand before you go and do something foolish, which is yet another reason to just make peace with it.
>>26074040 I'm not him, but man do I feel the exact same way. The concept of death is something I really try to avoid thinking about. It's haunted me for a couple of years now and I still have yet to come to terms with it and accept it.
>>26074051 Here's the thing. I can't just go to a place and meet people. I'm an outlander living in Norway, there's a language barrier. I went through school without friends or crushes because I literally could not speak to anyone. At first I avoided people just to avoid humiliation, then I guess it just grew on me. I know a lot more norwegian now, I managed to score national norm in school on pair with natives but a few minutes long chit chat is still beyond me, being lazy and avoiding people did that.
I can't talk about my feelings using fancy words, I can't explain to people what I mean so I just shrug and say something short and empty. And even then I often need to repeat myself. The best I can hope for is to be that foreigner that talks funny. And I tried that and it sucked.
So there's just the internet left and it's limiting. I do feel a little better from texting to someone but, if that's all I can hope for then; it bothers me to say the least. I probably should've mentioned that all of the relationships I've talked about were from the internet.
Time passes and things aren't getting better, I can't even hope to meet someone special at random. What would I even say to them? I'd love to move to an english speaking country but I don't have the funds for it, besides all the shit I'd have to do to make that happen is overwhelming.
Oh, and America is off limit for me, I could legally live there for a few years at best before being kicked out.
Writing this took me waaaay longer than it should have, thank you all for your patience and attention.
>>26074639 Well, I can identify with that feeling of being outside the language barrier. I've lived in Japan before without knowing Japanese, and now I'm currently living in Quebec. Quebec isn't quite as bad, seeing as how almost everyone knows French and English, but the default being French still excludes me from a lot of things without forcing my way in. If you're learning the language, all I can really say is that you should finish learning. Conversation is important, and while the internet is good for that, it's not enough. You realize that yourself.
However, if what you want is more people around you, friends and whatnot, you have to be willing to put up with the humiliation of sometimes saying something stupid. In English or Norwegian. Practice will get you more words so you can explain yourself to people, and I think you'll find that nobody really holds it against you when you make mistakes. Everyone is too busy trying to figure out their own messes, that only the really malicious people will actually take time to point out your mistakes to others. But you need to take chances sometimes. Protect yourself as best you can, but get out there. Figure out what you want, then do it. The rest is just forcing yourself to do it.
Do like Miss Frizzle says: Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!
Internet relationships are nothing bad, by the way, those count.
>>26074139 To add to this, with the way things have progressed in America, you can get notarized contracts which each party signs defining their individual consent. But it's unlikely to find a woman who both thinks this way AND would be willing to testify to a third party witness in order to certify the contract, in a bar who would be looking for a quickie. Best bet is to just find someone you can commit to. If only for a short period of time.
>>26074161 Same guy here. Aeven with how cliché it is in today's mindset, I've found that I'm less worried about it when I'm in a serious relationship. Downside is, that even though I can find a small sense of contentment in the relationship, I still constantly think about how it will one day end, and all the cumulative happy times I had will be replaced by unhappy times pretty evenly. So in the end, I revert to where I started. Which after 5 serious relationships, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just trying, and failing, to prolong the inevitable. And that all my attempts ate wasted time and effort.
Feels bad man.
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