Old thread >>25968743
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Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives:
>You are Anon and you are on your off day.
>It's not like 'independent contractors' (fix-it colts, as mares say) had days-off,
>but, aside from emergencies, nobody wanted to schedule repairs for the weekend.
>In a place with no vidya or
>Back home, getting out to a park with a good book was a rare event, but here,
>in a small town in the middle of nowhere, you were practically living in a park.
>Outdoors study became your weekly ritual. Gotta stay educated in a hostile world.
>A month ago it was modern horse history, last week you brushed up on
>wilderness survival and poisonous plants, today it was time for a bit of sociology.
>But now the day was coming to an end. You finished reading by sunset,
>but the second best study hill was just too good to leave immediately.
>Staying the night outside wasn't an option, however.
>It was time to go home.
>Unlike the sleepless cities, both the ones back home and the larger ones here,
>the town of Ponyville liked to sleep a lot. It slept in late in the morning,
>took a nap in the afternoon, and then settled for an early bedtime in the early evening.
>By the time you decided to drag your lazy ass back home,
>the only place showing any signs of activity was the local bar.
>The streets were empty and lifeless.
>As if it mattered.
>At least it would allow you to get home faster,
>no small night-blind horses bumping into your knees all the time.
>And so you walk on through, humming a merry tune
"We slept in rocket silos and we can't wait any more - Whoa!
>Not even noticing the three mares that were following you.
>Surprisingly, hooves on dirt can be pretty quiet.
>Even the strike that hit you in your hip and made you tumble into a back-alley was pretty quiet, all things considered.
>You try to get up
>That fucking hurt.
>Still, the leg isn't bent or something, so nothing's broken, probably?
"Hey, what the fuck just happened? Don't you ever watch where you're going?"
>"I know exactly where I'm going, ape"
>Oh shit. The voice... that's her.
>It was obvious that the hit wasn't an accident, but why did she of all ponies have to snap and attack you first?..
>The rush of adrenaline gets you back on your feet like magic.
>"Oh, you don't need to get up for my sake, it would be easier to have our talk eye to eye."
>Flanking her are two other mares. One of them, Monkey Wrench, is a plumber who you've been putting out of a job.
>The other one you are seeing for the first time .
"I -ow- prefer the term 'monkey' myself. It sounds like something cute, small, nimble and playful."
>the plumber explodes in anger
> "You fucking dick, you think you can just walk in! and fuck everything up! and then you mock me?
> I've done been fixing the fucking shit in this town for fifteen years, and now I'm supposed to fuck of without a single thanks?"
"Ponies wouldn't be calling me to fix your shoddy work if you deserved anything."
>Oh shit, you done goofed, she is gonna charge
>The third one steps in: "Come on Mon, you won't do any good by kicking his ribs in. We gotta educate him!"
>And the head-bitch: "Yes. Like he educated my naive little brother."
> "You know, I was going to let much slide, I don't care if you play around with everything that has a cunt,
> I didn't care what job you did, but now you tried to ruin my brother's life with your filth.
> You shouldn't have touched Auger. You shouldn't have fed him lies. Now you're gonna regret it. "
"Is that your penis envy speaking, 'Pile' Driver?"
>...shouldn't have said that.
>You are Anon in FuckedUpQuestria
>Behind you is a wall, to the both sides are shops, closed down for the night.
>In your mouth you've got a very loose tongue (blame the adrenaline from the hit).
>In front of you are three very angry earth pony mares
>It's their turn, and the most pissed-off mare of the three is trotting towards you.
>She has reared up...
>Now, there is this deal with ponies, especially earthies.
>They are not very fast, and dodging their hoofy-kicks and bucks is easy.
>But behind each strike that Wrench throws you can feel a wrongness, as if the physics of this world creak and groan.
>Watching them at work is one thing, but feeling the air tug on your body as her hoof sails past...
>As if a truck zipped by. Fuck this shit. You need to end this.
>"Oh just sit down so we can have a chat!"
>Pile flanked you. Dodging her buck almost had you back on your ass.
>Time to employ the most advanced self-defense tactic you know...
>...strike, run away and get help.
>Your heart is thumping like an over-revved engine.
>So you kick the head bitch in the face.
>Your boot impacts it with a satisfying pomf.
>Slap Monkey Wrench on the ear.
>She recoils in pain.
>Now would be the time to run away, but 'gentle educator' is blocking your way in a narrow spot.
>She is standing next to a closed garbage container, thinking that you will have to go through her.
>The container is low enough for ponies to throw trash inside.
>You just vault over the thing and bail
>No matter how inept they were, fighting with someone who can shatter your spine in a blink of an eye is a stupid idea.
>And so you run on through the town. You desperately needed a friend right now.
>...what was that?
>Bon-Bon and Lyra's house!
>You know for a fact that Lyra is an auxiliary guard.
>Safe. You're safe.
>You raise your fist to pound on the door as you yell:
"Lyra! Bon! Help me!"
>...your fist connects and the door swings open.
>It wasn't even locked.
>You rush in, close it behind you and collapse to the floor.
>A moment later you see Bon-Bon going quietly down the stairs,
>as casual as if she is about to open shop for the day.
>"Anonymous? Is this you?"
"Bon, I was going home, and there were these three mares, they"
>"You're limping. Did they hit you?"
"--they attacked me, so I hit back, and then I just--"
>...and you feel hooves gently placed on your shoulders.
>"You did everything right. It's ok, you're safe now. We'll handle things from here."
>...the hard keratin feels soft as a pillow.
>Some more magic fuckery, you bet.
>As the rush dies down, the reality of what happened starts to settle in
>You just got into a three on one fight, goaded your opponents to strike,
>kicked in some faces and escaped unscathed. Some hits were close though.
>"Bonnie? What's the commotion? Oh, hello Anon!"
>Lyra comes down the stairs, groggy and half-asleep.
>"Good morning sleepyhead. Anon got jumped, and ran to us for safety."
>And just like that, she is at attention
>"Where did it happen? Anon, do you know who it was?"
> "You will have to forgive Lyra and her guard training, Anon. You know what they say about guards.
> Give them a fulcrum and they fall asleep! Sleep through anything, too! I'm surprised she even got up!"
>"Bon-Bon, stop it! We've got to go and handle this!"
>"No we don't. There is nopony there to handle. They probably fled as soon as Anon got here."
>Bon-bon looks closely at your boots.
>"By the way, thanks to Anon, identifying them won't be that hard..."
>These bitches ruined your boots.
>"...but we should move out and look at the place, just in case. Anon, will you show us where it happened?"
>When you fled, you felt like you arrived at Lyra's house within seconds.
>Actually, you were at least two blocks away.
>As you round the last corner, you notice that there are quite a lot of ponies standing where the fight took place.
>Turns out everypony heard it, and seconds after you ran, people began gathering around.
>"Do you remember anyone, Anon?"
"I know two of them. It was Monkey Wrench and Pile Driver. Also some other pony that I didn't see around here.
Green-yellow coat. Key-lime poofy mane. Didn't notice her mark"
>"Are you sure about the first two? Can you remember something about them? Mane color?"
"I know what I saw, Minty. One of them lashed out at me because I was ruining her business.
The other told me not to mess with her brother Auger. I'm sure"
>The third pony from tonight is still there. She is yelling at the crowd, something about an attack.
"And there she is, the green one. Talking to the crowd. Same colors, recognize the voice."
>"...and then that ape just ran up and bucked her, without any warning!"
"HEY, CUT THE CRAP! THREW ME INTO A CORNER TO BEAT ME UP AND YOU KNOW IT!"
>All eyes are on you. There are at least 20 ponies gathered.
>Wrench here too, sitting in the corner... crying?
>Nurse Redheart here. Not in uniform. Next to her, a pony is lying on the ground.
>It's Pile Driver.
>She isn't moving.
>The kick, the feel of it..
>You didn't kick her in the face. Too soft. You kicked her in the throat.
>You kicked her in the throat and crushed her windpipe.
>She suffocated while you ran away.
You feel your sins crawling on your back
>Lyra approaches the crowd.
>"Okay listen up! I'm with the guard and I will need statements from everypony here!
> Let's keep calm, do this quick and without incidents, and most of you will be free to go"
>"Yeah, let's do this quick. I'll do this monster in quick! I'll do him in as quick as he did in Pile!"
>Wrench charges at you in fury.
>Before you can react, Bon-bon jumps in between the two of you.
>She takes the first blow. It sends her flying to the side.
>Holy shit. Can't run now. You need to take the madmare out.
>Before you can react, however, Wrench tumbles down, her front legs twisted at unnatural angles,
>hooves glued to the ground with the green glow of Lyra's aura.
"Bon-Bon, are you alr--"
>Bon-Bon is already up, completely unfazed by the blow.
>Lyra lifts your attakcer in the air
> "Does anypony else want to start a fight with the guard here? No?
> Then let's get this started"
>As soon as the medics arrive, you are sent off to the hospital to get your injuries looked at.
>Lyra said that somepony will collect your statement later, if it's necessary.
>Surprisingly, some of the blows that couldn't have connected left some nice bruises.
>Thanks to bullshit earth pony magic and your pale, thin skin.
>Right hip looks like a dadaist painting, with splotches of red, purple, yellow and black.
>You could have sworn Nurse Tenderheart became whiter when she saw it,
>Every bruise and scratch is meticulously documented for the guard.
>And you look like hell.
>As the nurse was finishing up the report, somepony knocks on the door
>"This is officer Heartstrings, may I come in?"
>"No, you mustn't--
"Come in, Lyra. I'm naked though, and you might not like what you see though."
>"What do you mean- Oh, sweet Celestia!"
>You can see her wince as if she was kicked in the stomach.
"I hope you can bring me some good news"
> "... Monkey Wrench told us everything. Apparently, Pile Driver and her were lovers, so... she snapped.
> She also told us that Apple Honey was with them. The third mare. She is from out of town..
> You're in the right, Anon. There will be no charges. Nopony will dare prosecute you."
>Lyra drops her gaze
> " Apple honey tried to deny everything, but a stallion recognized her voice... as she threatened to ..educate you.
> Anon, I'm so sorry. It is my failure. I knew what Pile and Wrench were capable of. I should have
> brought them in before this happened, I could have thought of something.."
"Everything is fine. Now just let me get dressed."
>"But you're hurt!"
"No fractures, so I think I'm pretty fine."
>As you exit the emergency room, you notice Bon-Bon sitting on one of the couches.
>You walk up and sit next to her
"Were you waiting for me here?"
>Bon-Bon turns to you and smiles.
>"I was. Did you show Lyra your hot alien body?"
"I did, but she didn't seem to like it. You know, because of all the injuries"
>"I read the report. You shouldn't have denied hospitalization, you know? You're in no state to work now."
"I've had worse. I saw you fight though, you even got to fly a little. When are you checking in?"
>Her smile gets just a little bit wider.
> "It doesn't pay to stoically stop punches with your face. When you roll with the punches and really sell it..
> that can be helpful. An overconfident opponent is an easy target. Wins the crowd's sympathies, too."
>"You seem to be taking it all in stride."
"I've had worse. You seem to be taking it in stride, too. Unlike everyone else."
>"I've seen worse. Ponies like to pretend stuff like murders doesn't happen, but..."
>... you can feel your boot plunging into her flesh.. with a little crunch.
>"Oh. Anon. Anon, stop! You did nothing wrong."
>Are you a murderer? You could have prevented this.
"I insulted them. I goaded them to attack--"
>"They decided to attack you before any of you said a word. Speaking from experience. You couldn't have swayed them."
"I didn't know you were a guard"
>She leans on you a little
>"You know, after what happened, you can expect Lyra to be looking after you a lot more."
"Won't you be looking after me too?"
>Bon turns to you and looks you in the eyes.
>"Oh Anon, I know I don't need to look after you. You're a big colt!"
>"No, you're just my size. But please be kind to Lyra. She can be loopy, but she's a sweet girl."
>"And.. drop by if you ever need something"
and binned http://pastebin.com/u/HotKinkyShy
I kinda wrote out my own prompt from a couple of months ago. Originally yes, the anon was supposed to eventually enjoy his kill and his blamelessness.
But we kinda moved towards spies, so instead he just got the attention of a very interesting mares.
oh no he doesn't
>>26000410 >>26000479 >>26000500
I've failed pretty hard in this thread a few times... But writing for a good mare is easier, I guess.
Creatures of the day don't need no darksightings
Absolutely, but I simply meant it's a good start.
The most obvious launching point, however, is that Anon's kids off both genders would not fit normal roles. Marely colts who aren't afraid of getting bumps and bruises, girls that don't mind showing feelings and probably fall somewhere between girly and tomboyish by our standards.
It's almost like ponies would be almost completely unable to tell his kids genders by behavior alone.
The only thing they find more confusing than this is his not minding their strange behavior.
That, and that he taught them all his human tongue.
>The night was dying and someone on the internet was wrong
>You really needed an example
> " I think they can still work pretty good and not awkward if you ipsum a little
> add a little more whitespace to offset them to account for thin fonts because
> otherwise 4chan just fucks shit up, but you need way more than 3 spaces that I used "
>Satisfied, you press 'post'
If this chunk looks better - I should have used more spaces. Otherwise ok senpai.
The Lyra was pretty Xenophilish, I guess.
Some Xeno writers took Lyra too far into black ops territory though
I wanted to make her a
more light, idealistic, martial/artist character, and not just a combat specialist.
The yang to Bon's black-ops yin
Sweetie Drops is, however, not as skilled in combat as she is in acting and reading people.
You send Lyra to a hostage situation, and Bon - infiltrating gangs
I think I was too obvious, but the last time I tried to be subtle I ended up unintelligible.
Everything is Xenophilia-based because Xenophilia is based.
Fuck, 4chan eats extra whitespace.
I just wrote smth now you write
>you will never hold them close at night
>you will never calm them down when they start ptsding
>you will never go on an operation together
Honestly, I don't know. I just picked him up and carried him home. Sometimes I suck his dick. He's never said a word.
>Pony chicks tried to beat you up yesterday
>You kicked one on the throat and ran the fuck away because magic horses kick really fucking hard
>Later you found out the pony you kicked died like a bitch
>Go back to being handyman
>Make tonsa money fixing errythin
>Follow building code cus bitches love quality
>No fucking birdponies will smash through YOUR walls
>Go to town library and sit there weeping because >TFW no internet or tv
>Books just aren't the same
>Fuck you, books
I think all male guards are under a temporary paralysis spell during work hours to keep them from goofing off. But since I took him during his shift, he never got the spell removed. He's probably screaming inside there, and it makes me so wet...
>I didn't care what job you did, but now you tried to ruin my brother's life with your filth.
I'd like to know what Anon did to her brother. Did I miss it while reading the first time?
>Twilight catches Anon crying
>Assumes that Anon is traumatized at having killed a pony
>Is actually a reasonable assumption
>Doesn't want to make a colt feel uncomfortable so soon after "probably nearly being raped" or whatever the story going around is at that point
>Silently shows support by showing up wherever he goes
>Waiting for him just out of sight (as not to scare him with her presence), only BARELY visible in the light of the street lamps >Making noises outside his bedroom window at night as he's about to fall asleep (trying to think like a house burglar to find and guard the biggest design flaw of his house) >Phoning him at all hours of the night to make sure he's safe (not saying anything but breathing heavily b/c she's so nervous to be almost-talking to Anon)
>Anon finds out it has been Twilight doing all that weird stuff around him at night
>Tells her that he's alright, he just needs some space
>Twilight passes a law stating that nopony is allowed within 50 feet of him at all times
It's not really that bad, just kind of awkward. Just about every greentext story starts a new sentence at the arrow, so I'm used to it. It'd be kinda like if someone put. a period right in the middle of a sentence.
It's a ritual game called One Man Hide and Seek. Basically you invite a malevolent spirit to inhabit a doll, stab it to piss it off, give it a knife and hide.
http://pastebin.com/u8WuVJqy, line 136
>Day bon in Equestria
>You are bonbon, a mare with a terrible secret.
>Not something minor like being a serial killer.
>Nor something thats really excessively terrible, like being some kind of monosexual.
>You shudder at the mere thought of it being THAT terrible.
>No, what you have to hide is just really terrible, maybe a 7/10 on a linear scale of terribleness.
>Zero being not at all terrible, ten being the destruction of all we know and hold dear by an unopposed infestation of mo-hos.
>You are a were-cunt, half pony, half cunt.
>When the moon is out your candyvag grows to replace the rest of you until there's naught but a gigantic gaping pony pussy flapping around with a clitoris full of malice
>And since Luna's back from her exile that's most of the time.
>Stupid Princess Celestia and her being nice to her sister.
Non-cunt bonbon is indeed nice to see.
You didn't miss anything. I decided to both keep the story short and the stallionism in the prev thread.
I get you senpai. I'll fix it in the bin and won't pull this shit again.
>Overprotective Princesses gotta ovrprotect
>Send spies and specops mares to guard Anon.
>Anon gets guarded by ptsding mares 24/7
>Has to constantly twist up teats to keep em normal
>It's like an indy horror game except with teats
>Cadence stares at you intently.
>"I watch you when you sleep."
>You shiver and try to focus on your meat broth, generously provided by Celestia.
>Doesn't Chrysalis usually try-and-fail to sneak around you by now?
>It's midday, after all.
>There's nothing you can do about it
>Develop and expose
>I feed upon your every thought
>AND SO MY POWER GROWS
>I'm made of magic
>My auras gleam
>I am perpetual
>I keep the country clean
what spell, the work of male guards is to stand and look pretty, stallions are literally the best at this shit wtf
>Anonsy cries because tfw not qt3.14 ctrl-f
>when on the third attemp Twiggy finally musters the courage to ask what makes poor Anon feel that way
>Anon finally tells her how it is
>tfw horsebando insults books
>tfw horsebndo had better books
>tfw if you help horsebando, senpai will surely notice you
>by the power of these three feels combined, Twiggy melts down
Ah I botched the link. I'll just copy paste the story if needed.
But what if Anon is fucking huge?
Which mares aren't intimidated by Anon's size? Which mares will risk pursuing the HMD?
I like big humans/tiny ponies, but that might be a bit too much,
>Over-protective Princesses stalking Anon when?
Didn't LaP do this with celly and luna? Or was it just celly? I remember anon accidentally destroying the town after being launched while in an invincible magic bubble he was put in
You know what you did.
>You are Princess Twiggles
>Sempai Anon is sad because he doesn't have his space alien space books
>After hearing about them, you're sad you don't have them too.
>But you're a mare and mares don't cry.
>You have to be strong for sempai!
>You start crying too
>The wonders he has known, how can you possibly compete?
If you ain't in the herd, hit the road.
I was in a hurry when I was making the threadpic, as previous thread was at 490 posts.
Now I picked the actual Burn Notice logo font, used a better image source and cleaned up the outline.
I don't know if it will ever get used as the threadpic again, but I think you fellow burnoticedykes deserve the best version.
when I know what to write for Anon's and Auger's first encounter - before this fight.
did you mean this: https://desustorage.org/mlp/thread/25456533/#q25457170?
>Bon Bon answers the door
>She looks grumpy as hell
>"Aw buck, it's the monkey. Here to ruin another day?"
>BEEP BEEP BEEP
>She pulls out a tiny device with a screen that reads "100%"
>Smiling pleasantly, the mare invites you in and offers you tea and cookies.
>You have a nice conversation for the next hour or so before you go back home.
Nice Bon a good.
>your dream writefag will never exist
>they will never produce quality stories that change the face of RGRE forever, for the better
>you will never have your fill of excellent stories
>you will never cuddle them and hold their hand
>One of the ponies proposes to you,like in one of those cheesy romance films.
>You turn them down because marriage isn't something you just do on a whim.
>The ponice show up and arrest you for being to sensible
>Since you are male you are released on the condition that you are supervised by a pony
>Rarity is chosen because they figure she'll teach you how to be romantic instead of practical
bigpon is nicepon
Would you hold bigpon's hoof in your hand?
Your soft, lewdly dexterous hand?
What if you forced a pony to hold your hand?
Too big. When the princesses can work as large comfy blankets, then it's okay.
So pretty Saddle-Arabians are so rarely seen.
And the filename. Oh yes, you are correct.
>"You're a handsome stallion Anon and any mare would be lucky to have you. So why not just go for it and say yes?"
>"Rarity, I didn't even know who Cheerilee was until she proposed to me. Marrying someone you just met sounds like a terrible idea."
>"*sigh* There you go with that sensibility again! Honestly Anon, do you have no sense of whimsy?"
>"I do, just not concerning huge life-changing decisions like marriage."
>"It worked for my parents!"
>"The same parents who regularly dump your sister on you to go on 'vacation'?"
>"... Okay, that may not be the best example. But I stand by my point. Anon, is everyone in your world so cautious about romance?"
>"No, but you hear tons of horror stories about abusive relationships, divorces, and gold diggers."
>"... That's really depressing, darling."
Ever the romantic. I like her.
I'm glad to have opened your mind to new possibilities.
>Lots of milk.
>Lots of anal.
>Lots of squash soup.
The perfect mare. Bon Bon for herd alpa girl.
As long as they aren't Milky sized, bigger is fine. But yeah, Acceptance and its prequel are pretty good.
"Okay Anon, here's your first lesson in whimsy. Here is a bag of filled with bits. I want you to go out into the market square and buy whatever your heart desires. If you want something, even just a little bit, go ahead and buy it. I'll be waiting right here."
>You watch Anon walk off into the crowd
>He's such a sweet colt, but he's so down to Equis
>No sense of whimsy, serendipity, or simple romance
>What a poor place he must have come from
>It almost reminds you of Pinkie's sister, Maud, but even she had little moments that made her equine
>But, hopefully this excursion will help him let go a bit-
>He's back already...
"Back so soon, darling? It's only been... five minutes."
>Well, at least he did buy /something/
"Well, don't be shy. Show me what you bought."
>He gives you the bag and inside was....
>"Yeah, Carrot Top was having a sale, so I though about making stew for everyone. Got the whole bag for three bits."
"But what about you!?"
>"Well, there's enough for me to have some too."
>You gave him a hundred bits to do what he pleases and he buy a healthy meal for everyone
>On sale no less
>You have a long way to go
If you didn't like the first few chapters then I doubt you'll like the rest.
>"Fuck my butt, Anon."
"Lyra we're in the middle of the market."
>"Did I stutter?"
"Well when you put it that way..."
>And then you fucked her butt.
>Today was a ponuts and coffee day.
He's honestly better at writing the clop scenes than the bits in between. The later stories are much more less padding between scenes and flow better, IMHO.
Lily is fairly unf-y in the most recent story, for example.
I would be more than willing to provide her said support, in addition to helping her relieve the pressure of production those glorious milkers create. Straight from the tap, all day, 'ere day.
"Okay, here's our next lesson. We're going to watch some romantic movies and I want you to try and imitate what you see the colts there doing. Understand?"
>The two of you were at the Ponyville movie theater.
>Anon just couldn't grasp why whimsy was so important.
>So you brought him here to show him!
And to maybe go on a date with him?
>Anon sighs, "I have no choice either way since I'm legally required to do what you say until I have the legal minimum amount of whimsy."
"It doesn't have to be that bad, you know."
>"Let's just get this over with."
>The two of you decide to see the first movie in the Sparkle Saga, that new vampony romance film series that was popular with teenage colts right now.
>Surely this will get Anon to understand!
It was okay, but not great and not on par with some of his other stuff. I was also studying for the GRE at the time, so free time was prioritized to get the most bang for the buck. Now that that's over, and in light of >>26005420, I may give it another look.
>Since you are male you are released on the condition that you are supervised by a pony.
>Rarity is chosen because they figure she'll teach you how to be romantic instead of practical.
So fillies, i was wondering, is Futa (stallions with slits) gay?
Futa is mares with dicks, not stallions with cunts. Do you mean cunts with no dick? Those are called cuntboys (or cuntcolts, I suppose).
If you meant a stalliony body with both sets of genetalia, I'm not sure what it's called. But it's not futa.
Regardless, yes, it is gay. Bailey Hay said so herself.
I like futas (mares with both parts) but could we just drop the topic?
It's specifically a female with additional male genetalia.
Like, you can't just straight up change the meaning of words for RGRE. If we did that it'd just get confusing.
For example, you can't just say 'oh btw I'm going to call gay mares yaoi because they're the equivalent of human males in terms of societal structure even though yaoi refers specifically to male on male stuff'.
>Beyond Japan the term is used to describe a commonly pornographic genre of eroge, comics and anime, which includes characters that show both primary sexual characteristics
It also says that it now means a woman with a dick, but at the beginning it meant both.
I'm not changing anything. I'm saying what I've read.
>Anon wants his mare to use a strap on
>He talks to her about it and she thinks it's really weird
>Mare sees it as taking a submissive role and she ain't having none of that
>Anon cannot find a way to convince her and even then, it turns out that they don't exist
>And so his journey begins
>Futa mare? Never get the appeal but fapped a few times on this pic with 4 Futa princesses with balls like my fists... Still i was just curious what the equivalent of futa in RGRE in Equestria?
Ya'll didn't hear this from me, but if'n yer inta coltdom, ah hear that new ape colt in town'll be glad ta put any mare in 'er place.
>Humans are seen as being legendary creatures by the Crystal Ponies, like how unicorns are for us.
>Many myths surround them, ranging from alicorn-like status to Arthurian-like legends.
>When the Heart was restored, Anon is spat out in-front of a flabbergasted audience.
>Controversy and crisis when it's seen he's a male.
>Various cults and ideologically-opposed groups fracture the Empire's population.
>Some want him to marry Cadence, while another subset want Shining executed to make way.
>Others want him to take control completely, ousting Equestria.
>Others believe he's like a unicorn, shying away from non-virgins.
>Others want him to marry Luna and Celestia to properly unify with Equestria.
>Subgroups again, either pro or against his being male and being in a certain role.
>Anon gives no fucks and is unaware, and settles into a normalish life.
Unify the minotaurs, centaurs, cave trolls, cloud gremlins and other demi-humans into a single nation.
>>Some want him to marry Cadence, while another subset want Shining executed to make way.
>Others want him to take control completely, ousting Equestria.
Well that got extreme pretty quick.
>futa is female with ponos + vogoo (bolls not required)
>shemale is female with ponos&bolls (vogoo not required)
>cuntboy is boy with vogoo
This is what I've learnt by using the tags on the sites I frequent.
I'd read the fuck outta this
>Shiny plagued by assassin attempts
>royal guard is only trained in defense so they don't hurt themselves, those poor, airheaded colts
>Shiny was made Captain because he had the nicest ass
>Candyass forced to pursue Anon or face peasant uprising
>Stallionists catch wind of the drama and try to use Anon as a champion for their cause
Please stop it reminds me of my mare yelling
Guys I've got it I'VE GOT IT
A story, right? About, get this:
A mare, in a writing group or something, and the writing group is doing something about, get this:
A reversed gender roles Equestria
Like, they're doing stuff about a world where females are the second class citizens to males and all that
I think we can make it work.
I can't deal with this many layers.
Milky Way is the most envied mare in Equestria because crotchboobs are the equivalent of ball-size in Equestria.
Anon hooks up with her because they remind him of human mammaries.
Anon is best trophy husband.
All the mares are FURIOUS because they all wanted Anon given how low-maintenance and marely he is.
The only non-bovines in Anon's harem are incredibly well endowed, be they mares or griffons.
The things he can do with milk impress even his minotaurs.
>You are lying awake at night, in your bed, in your lover's room.
>Fillydelphian hotel, second floor, farthest door from the staircase. Large window to the left of the princess-sized bed.
>No, your mare doesn't actually live in a hotel.
>Her private home, a modest but cozy two-story thing, is nothing like a hotel.
>But at night, when it was too dark to discern the embroidered throw pillows, you felt yourself in a different place.
>That Fillydelphian hotel.
>You were travelling there for business. A professional conference of sorts.
>Staying the night in a room just like this one. It was most probably a herds' suite,
>And on the second night, you awoke to something rather unsettling...
Small pone is best pone.
big pone is ok, i guess.
>...a bang, a flash, and shredded meat - right outside your window.
>Now, that wasn't really surprising.
>In fact, if you stretched the facts just a little, you could say that you hoped to see exactly that.
>See, that happened at the very beginning of your current career.
>You were sent to a military and security exhibition, to tail certain persons of interest, make some contacts, plant some scrying devices...
>Nopony knew you yet, and you decided to cash in on it, booking the slightly swankier, indefensible suite to pass as a business representative for a silver mining company.
And to enjoy the comforts too, of course.
>The plan was almost flawless. You were so conspicuous that nobody suspected anything from you.
>In fact, you flagged some of your fellow Griffonian professionals while they were none the wiser!
>But trying too hard to appear as someone you are not, you forgot the part where you also don't want to attract too much attention.
>When the Zebrican competitors of your cover ID's employer decided to send a message, they chose to send it through you.
>And Zebrican military gals are not known for subtlety
>So, on the second night, you got late guests.
>They weren't trying to be subtle. They were going for a smash-and-grab with living goods, and they charged in right through the glass.
>Most ponies know from popular novels how thunder crystals work. Even Daring Do used them to daze her dastardly opponents!
>Thunder crystals are commonly made from degraded mana stores, by binding to them a shattering spell targeted inwards.
>On impact, all the energy stored is released in an explosion.
>Any enchanter will also know that the spell doesn't have to be targeted inwards.
>When bound to the crystal's surface, it will detonate not only the mana store, but also any other magically potent crystal on contact.
>This usually happens by mistake, and may cost the careless enchanter her life.
>Something they don't teach in school is that a spellsmith skilled enough to mix elemental magic can make these detonators work on magically inert glass.
>You just need a better power store.
>Luckily, you were friends with a certain Moondancer that made you these without asking too much questions.
>Her design was pretty ingenious.
>To arm it, you would need an evershine crystal from any common light source.
>You then place both the detonator and the evershine snug against the glass.
>Throw on a scarf on top, and the ensemble looks like something that came out of Rarity's store. It doesn't look dangerous.
>That is why the two pegasi crashing through you window got a load of high-velocity glass shards.
>As they cracked the glass, the spell was released, launching the pieces back towards the force of the blow.
>When an evershine gets drained, glows. Drained instantly, it exploded with a flash..
>That is how the bloody image of the last living moments of two rent-a-thugs got burned into your mind.
>Someone lurking outside?
>Sounds like somepony picked a fight with a trash container.
>Out of habit, you test the local emotion auras.
>Changelings can use it to pinpoint targets behind stone walls.
>It's extremely hard to learn for anyone but changelings though.
>After years of practice, the best you can get are vague scents.
>Like the strong, satisfied calm to your right. That's your lover...
>...and at the edge of feeling, hints of distant malice.
>Before you know it, you are already wearing your sapping shoes.
>Good thing you weren't going to sleep anyway.
>As you are running to the stairs, you hear somepony run up to your front door.
>You can _hear_ them lean on the wall. Heavy breathing.
>Letting your unwanted guest make the first move, you hide behind a wall corner.
>This wasn't the first time you ambushed someone in your own home.
>"Lyra! Bon! Help me!"
>With a thud, your unlikely guest stumbles inside, closes the door and sits heavily on the floor.
>He is winded. His heart is pumping so loud you can hear it upstairs.
>You quickly discard your weapons and hurry to his side
"Anonymous? Is this you?"
>"Bon, I was going home, and there were these three mares, they"
>Breathing heavy, but free and unobstructed. Slight scent of blood, inconsistent with serious bleeding.
"You're limping. Did they hit you?"
>You link to the earth beneath. His footprints on dirt are still burning with mana flows, the sign of a magic void that just passed through.
>The prints are far apart and come from the same direction as the metallic clang you heard earlier.
>He was running fast. Assuming no fractures then. No grievous injuries.
>He is obviously shaken though. A calming touch should handle that.
>You place your hooves on his shoulders and start channeling.
>"--they attacked me, so I hit back, and then I just--"
>Huh. Magic void.
>What should feel like a gentle breath of calmness leaving your body feels like lifting a slippery boulder from a swamp.
>You don't show it though.
"You did everything right. It's ok, you're safe now. We'll handle things from here."
>"Bonnie? What's the commotion? Oh, hello Anon!"
>Look who woke up!
>You always joked that Lyra is in fact not a unicorn, but a sleep pony.
"Good morning sleepyhead. Anon got jumped, and ran to us for safety."
>Perhaps she won't get what you just said and will go back to bed?
>"Where did it happen? Anon, do you know who it was?"
>Oh no. You just got the colt to calm down and here your sweetheart is wasting all this effort!
>You didn't just waste so much mana for nothing!
"You will have to forgive Lyra and her guard training, Anon. You know what they say about guards. Give them a fulcrum and they fall asleep! Sleep through anything, too! I'm surprised she even got up!"
>Yes. Let her be annoyed at you.
>"Bon-Bon, stop it! We've got to go and handle this!"
"No we don't. There is nopony there to handle. They probably fled as soon as Anon got here."
>You close your eyes and test the auras just in case.
>Lyra's righteous anger. Anon's void. And somewhere from afar, looming fear and sorrow.
>As you move your head and try to pinpoint where this sorrow is coming from, the scent of blood becomes stronger.
>It's on his boots.
>Just how hard did you hit them back, sweetie?
>...this could explain the sorrow.
>The night is going to be a long one.
>"By the way, thanks to Anon, identifying them won't be that hard... but we should move out and look at the place, just in case. Anon, will you show us where it happened?"
>What the tartarus did you get yourself into, monkey-boy?
>"Wrong Hole!" Princess
I don't think she's a very good horse, but she has very good taste.
>I think you quoted the wrong post.
Shit. I hope this doesn't make you anonsies too confused.
I needed to get some social interactions in and I wrote technobabble instead. I'm still thinkgen how to bring you more
>Super spy anon gonna kick some ass
We're a long way from that. But Bon obviously has some plans for him
Celestia likes it missionary-style.
Cadence likes it in the pooper, but sometimes changes it up by regular sex.
Anon is practically burlap sacked into the Royal Herd, waking up in Sun Horse's bed.
By day, Luna is in 'their' bed; by night, it's Celestia. Cadence frequently visits, frustrated, because Shining would rather play Hyperwars.
If you guys are the master race, how come your invasions always fail?
>he always wants to play Hyperspace Hyperwars when I want to have sex!
>Anon shooting out of a heart
>Would make him the male version of Aphrodite?
>Discord gives the Alicorns a apple saying that whoever eats it gets Anon's love.
>They decide to hold a competition.
>Applejack wants in because Apple.
>Anon just wanted to be AiE and doesn't know that just being here is causing shit like war or whatever...
>story becomes story of Troy told out of order with more horses.
> "And before I knew it, she'd infiltrated a platoon's worth of guards."
> "And here's the kicker. She pulls that platoon out of her ass!"
"I know, Creed is fucking golden when you've got him, but -"
> "No, no, literally. Out. Of. Her. Ass."
> "Had to roll for Anal Circumference and everything. I'm just lucky it wasn't enough for a Titan."
better be careful
theyre gonna send derpy after her
>Amoeba comes back every three months to continue Spank.
>Frosty won't continue Prince Anon or GoodOlGirls.
>HotKinkyShy is AWOL, and they took their bisexual horses with them.
A-At Least LaP is back.
Time to repopulate.
>Cheerilee asks Anon, out of 'professional interest', to talk to the fillies and colts about the human world and how human colts act and do.
>Cue Anon going to their school the next day and doing exactly that.
The /pol/lack never said anything about the species of the pussy you'll be getting, Anon.
>Not taking their funposting as just another writing prompt
>Anon doesn't give a fuck about who got some silly apple
"You can't expect to have my romantic interest just because some mismatched tosser threw some fruit at you."
"That doesn't mean you can't come hang out some time though."
>[Hopeful pony noises]
Why don't you try writing then?
"Spare a few bits? Miss?"
>Another mare walks past you, pointedly avoiding eye-contact.
"Just a bit, ma'am, that's all I need."
>This time the mare looks at you, but glances away and begins to walk faster.
"Please. Sir, I need to eat. Anything will do-"
>"Get away from me!"
>You barely dodge the stallion's kicking hooves and feel light-headed from the sudden movement.
>It's been two days since you've last eaten, and by the looks of your stockpile of bits, it's dry mac&cheese for dinner again.
>If you get the correct ratio of crunchy noodles and cheese powder, you can ALMOST pretend that you don't think about killing yourself every night.
>Time to break out the sign again...
>"Will Do Anything For 20 Bits"
>And now we play the waiting game; the most dangerous game of all.
>You once had a nice mare who brought you back to her house for a meal and a hot bath.
>She even let you keep the 20 bits.
>She said that it was such a shame to see a stallion like you out on the streets, and that she was sorry that she couldn't spare more.
>You still see her once or twice a week, and she always gives you enough for some soup or a coffee.
>And then there was this one time some crippled pegasus paid you so that you could tell her for an entire night that her wings were beautiful.
>She was a crier.
>You let her keep her money.
>You're brought out of your thoughts by an orange hoof kicking your sign over.
>"Ah done thought Ah told you not tuh bring yer whorin' ways near mah stall!"
>Oh, good. It's HER.
>You don't even bother arguing with her; it's never done you any good.
>You sigh and get to your feet, bending over to grab your cardboard advertisement, but she stomps it into the ground.
>You don't even get a chance to grab your bits; you just high-tail it out of there and run to your home away from home: under a nearby bridge.
>Well, there goes dinner.
>It's cool, though.
>You don't like dry mac&cheese anyway.
These used to be sold on Amazon. They listed it as Tinkle Bell, but come on. Only one mare has tits like that.
I would rescue abused and tossed away fillies off the streets.
It reminds me of the first bioshock ending
>You could have left them there but instead, you helped her
>You raised her with all your strength and love
>And what is your reward?
The world hates street urchins and the only ones that get adopted are cute colts. Anon comes along and see a filly in a box starving and just picks them up without a second thought.
YOU RUINED YOUR OWN THREAD
DONT RUIN A SECOND ONE
Treekicker is a well-respected member of the community. And also an Element.
>Stupid stuck-in-her-ways tree-kicker pony.
>You thought that she was delightfully old-fashioned when you first arrived in Big E.
>That was before you found out that her southern whimsy included the racism part.
>Caught her muttering about "got-dang bird-ponies" when she chased her cyan pegasus friend out of one of her trees.
>Let's just say that while Apple Bloom sure took a shine to you, Applejack did NOT.
>Seems that with what little (read: non-existent) legal powers and rights that you had, you didn't really stand a chance against a smear campaign spear-headed by the Element of Honesty.
>"Ah caught the alien innuh clubhouse doin' THINGS with mah Apple Bloom"
>Those "THINGS" was having a tea party with Bloomy and her two friends.
>You take this time to fall unconscious from the exertion of running your starving body across town to hide from the orange menace.
>You kick the air in front of you
>Something you regret immediately as your overworked legs ache even worse
>That fucking whorse called in "sick"
>If he was actually sick you would eat your apron
>Because of that shit you had to pull a double at the diner
>Meaning you are just now on your home and the sun is already down
>It doesn't help that this shithole of a town is too small to have streetlights
>With a sigh you continue your walking (now with a visible limp) home
>Ever so often you would mumble a curse at your coworker who fucked you over
>After a few minutes walking you decided to rest your legs
>With a quiet "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!" you sat down on the cold bench.
>you sit there for a bit letting your legs regain some strength
>It isnt long before the cold bench saps away enough heat that you regret ever coming to equestria
>You still cant believe that one bastard was right
>Mixing pepsi, coke, pop rocks, ammonia, and bleach together and drinking it totally worked
>Hell you cant believe you were dumb enough to try it
>The sound of a voice takes you out of your thoughts
>Looking around you try to spot where it came from
>Again you hear it but this time you recognize it as a moan
>Standing up, the pain in your legs temporarily forgotten, you walk over to the other side of the road where you heard the voice
>at first you don't see anything then you catch a glimpse of purple fluttering from behind a bush
>Carefully you peek around it, thoughts full of every crime show where that unsuspecting faggot finds a body and freaks out
>On the other side of the bush you see...a brown filly wrapped in a ragged patchwork quilt
>Her face looks bruised under her pale brown fur and her mane is ragged
>She is shuddering under that flimsy piece of cloth
>You stare at her for what seems like an hour as your brain tries to process what it is seeing
>A pony, a filly at that, apparently homeless
>No sir this is not the Equestria you wanted to end up in
>No cute little pony would ever have to suffer there
>You ended up in some sort nega-equestria where colts are treated like property and little fillies sleep in the streets unprotected
>Your back only protests mildly as you lift the far too light pony off the ground quilt and all
>She can stay at your house for a few nights until you find a place fo-
>Your thoughts are interrupted as a piece of cardboard drops from the bundle in your arms
>It lands on the ground with the writing on it facing up
>"Will do ANYTHING for bits"
>Your eyes are locked onto that little rectangle of processed wood pulp
>Holding her tighter to your chest you can feel it
>The armor of your people
>The armor of a Internet White Knight. Invisible yet gleaming.
>With a renewed vigor you carry your burden to your home
>Where she will be welcome to stay as long as she wants
>And where she can live under the shelter of your imaginary fedora
>It doesn't take long to arrive at your home
>The filly in your arms never stirred the entire time
>This is a cause of great worry to you
>You throw open the door and carry her to your couch
>Luckily it seems that your guardian must have just went home
>Since you didn't have a mare to look after you Twilight Sparkle assigned you a guardian to watch over you
>She comes by and checks on you every day
>You had sent word to her earlier that you would be pulling a double so she must have come over to make sure your house would be warm for you
>Bon Bon is such a nice mare
>Shedding your coat and the raggedy quilt off her you grab the fluffy comforter of your bed and wrap it around your back
>You then plop the both of you down right in front of the fire and wait
>Within seconds you feel the warmth of the fire start flowing into you
>The heat feels good on your aching legs
>You almost jump when you feel the filly move against your chest
>She snuggles closer to you and nuzzles her face on your chest
>If you hadn't developed a resistance to the pony adorableness in the last few months that right there probably would have killed you
>You brush your hand through her mane
>It was unkempt and dirty but still somehow soft
>Almost on its own your and repeats its journey through her mane only pausing to stroke her cheek with your thumb
>She flinches a bit as you brush against a bruise
>A bruise that you angrily notice is shaped like a hoof mark
>Your anger fades quickly as you keep stroking her mane feeling the warmth slowly creep through her
>You awake with a start
>Grogily you look around your living room
>About the only thing you notice is that it is dark as your mind reaches for memories as to why you would wake up here
>its about that time you feel something soft and warm shift in your lap
>That's right the filly
>You yawn and stretch your back out
>Looks like you fell asleep in front of the fire which has burned low
>The scene outside the window shows that its still dark out
>Gently you put your arms under the filly and lift her off of your lap
>You set the comforter on the couch before laying her on top of it and covering her back up
>Grabbing some logs by the fireplace you toss them on and try to prod life back into smoldering remnants of your houses only source of heat
>It takes some work but the logs eventually catch and the fire flares to back to life
>With that you turn away and see a pair of bright blue eyes looking at you from your couch
>The saddest loneliest eyes you have ever seen
>You flash her the warmest smile you can and revert back to your diner attitude
"Hey there cutie! Would you like something to eat?"
>Your voice drips with honey
>A skill you learned from a certain colt worthless colt that you work with
>Its supposed to make your customers feel like you care
>It seems to calm her a bit and she nods
"Well you stay warm right there and I will get you some nice hot food."
>She smiles a weary smile at you as you head to the kitchen
Enjoy the second bit of green I have ever written. I will continue it at some point when I have more sleep than I do at this current moment.
Now is time for sleeping and dreaming of pone
Bonnie likes Anon and is one of the few ponies that see him as more than a nice ass on a pair of long legs.
>HotKinkyShy is AWOL, and they took their bisexual horses with them.
man, >>26009232 and >>26000168
>>Not taking their funposting as just another writing prompt
>Lift heavy. Study hard. Respect your roots. Be strong.
that is exactly what every colt should do
are you going to disagree with this?
Add 'shut up' to the list and you get my perfect stallion!
>Enjoy the second bit of green I have ever written.
who the fuck are you and where is your patsy bin?
>Bon Bon is such a nice mare
Astrologists declare the week of Bon-Bon.
Someday we will all be bones
>Be Milky Way, destroyer of jobs.
>Had lots of sex with Anon
>Now you have a son
>He took after you
>That means he has gigantic tits
>He's fucking stacked.
>Just like your human husbando, your beloved son emaresculates all the fillies he meets
>They break down crying into his chest tuft when they realise they will never be able to compete.
>Even the other colts want him.
>You are so proud of him.
Only other thing I have ever written was >>25941022 which is just a little request thing in AiE
Glad you enjoy it. I will write some more while sitting bored at work. Might post from there as well.
Should I namefag for this story?
Herds a good.
I usually type in batches like the last few but since I will be posting these from work it will be in single posts.
>You go to your icebox and take out some eggs and milk
>Since you have to feed a hungry mouth you are going to make something that can stuff anyone
>Your fathers heavenly breakfast pancakes
>So used to making this recipe you don't even pay attention as your hands work
>You are too busy thinking of the filly who is silently watching you over the top of your couch
>Every few minutes you glance at her a shoot a smile
>As you throw the first pancake in the pan you decide to cook some scrambled eggs as well
>You quickly throw a second pan on your gas stove and toss some butter into it to melt
>Its not long before you are plating the five golden pan sized flapjacks and two sizzling scrambled eggs
"Your food is ready hon. Come sit at the table and I will bring it to you."
>Silently she gets walks over to the table and manages to scramble up into one of your human sized chairs
>With a "clunk" you place the plates in front of her
>She stares for more than a few seconds at the food in front of her
"What's wrong honey? I thought you were hungry."
>She looks up at you and you see the tears in her eyes
>"I-...is all this for me?"
>Her voice seems so much different than expected
>Its more mature than you thought it would be and its filled with fear and hope
>Fucking hell you are not sure if your heart can take that blow
>You have never experienced something so adorable and sad at the same time
>The only thing you could do is to drop to your knees and wrap her in a hug
>She lets out a small yelp
"Sorry for surprising you with that. And yes every bit of that food is for you."
>Reluctantly you release the filly so she can eat while you go get the best part
>From the oven you take out the secret ingredient
>A stoneware crock filled with a mixture of maple syrup and honey
>Something so delectable but only to be served warm
>tfw Lyra's friends try to stage an intervention because they're worried about her weight and self-image
>tfw she tells her friends straight up she does it because he stallion has a mammoth cock and she cums buckets watching it distend her taut belly
>tfw herd LyraxAnon suddenly gets inundated with requests to join
All that exposed pussy will give him a
Sorry about that got busy at work
>Pinkie tried it once and begged you for the recipe
>when you said it was a family secret she proposed to you on the spot
>That was the first time that happened but not the last by far
all these thirsty mares
>At the time you laughed and told her what the secret ingredient was
a small amount of molasses
>You set the crock on the table to find the two scrambled eggs gone
>ALL THE EGGS
>She must have been starving
"Would you like some syrup on those?"
>She nods vigorously
"Tell me when"
>You lift up the crock and pour it slowly in a golden brown trickle
>About the time your crock is half empty she says
>you stop pouring and watch as she tears into the pancakes like she is starving
>Which she most likely is starved now that you think about it
>She weighed almost nothing when you picked her up earlier
>It doesn't take long for the food to vanish off the plate leaving a full and happy filly in the chair
"So...what's your name hon?"
"Well Morning Glory do you mind if I call you Glory?"
>"I don't mind"
"My name is Anon. I was on my way home from Sunny Side's diner, that's where I work by the way, when I found you half frozen in the bushes. Would I be right in saying that you're homeless?"
>Her eyes drop down at the table for a seconds
"Well not anymore."
>She stops looking at the table actually looks into your eyes.
"I don't know why you were out on the street but you can stay here as long as you like. Though I will warn you that it will be mostly just you and me here most of the time."
>The tears start flooding her eyes.
>"But...why? Why help me?"
>You pick her up off the chair and hug her again
"Because I couldn't leave a filly as cute as you out on the street
and because I know what its like to be treated like trash by others and would never wish it on anyone."
>She wraps her hooves around your neck and starts bawling into your shoulder
>You stand there and hold her close while she lets it all out
>Interspersed with the crying is a constant stream of "Thank you"'s that just melt your heart
>Finally when the river has become a trickle you ease her back from your shoulder
>She nods as a few more tears leak out
"Good. Now I bet you would love a nice hot bath to clean yourself up."
>Her face splits into a massive grin
>"Please. I cant remember the last time I had a bath."
>You smile back at her and carry her to the bathroom
>She marvels at the size of the bathtub that you had to have special ordered for you
>You set her down and give her some soap and the shampoo that Bon Bon uses when she crashes here instead of at Lyra's place
>Hopefully she wont mind
"Alright I will give you some privacy. Take your time."
>You make your exit and go back to the living room
>Grabbing a notepad you start writing down a list of stuff you will need to buy tomorrow
>You will also need to talk to Twilight about the legalities of letting this little filly stay with you
>As much as it pisses you off to think about it, in this world you are an unwed stallion with no family
>So not only do you not have many rights but normally you wouldn't even be able to own property!
>Fucking insane sexist ponies
>Going back to the top of your list you write in bold letters "TALK TO BON BON"
>After that you grab a book and flip it open
>At times like this you miss TV the most
>Roughly 40 minutes later you hear the bathroom door open
>Hopping up you find a very clean and moist filly looking like she is about to fall alseep
>Checking your watch you find out its about four hours until dawn
"You look about as tired as I feel. Want to sleep in a real bed?"
>She tiredly nods at you
>Scooping her up again you briefly consider taking her to Bon Bon's room...but you decide against it
>Bon Bon is a great mare but she is a little possessive of her stuff
>You can get away with the shampoo but you don't feel comfortable going that far
>Instead you take Glory to your room and set her gently her on your griffon down mattress
>That dude down at the quills and sofas place may not sell beds but he can set you up with a mare that imports luxury beds
>You go back to the couch and grab your covers
>When you come back you find her already asleep hugging your spare pillow
>Slowly and quietly you climb into bed next to her and cover the two of you up
>You look over at her and see that she is smiling wide even as she drools on your pillow
>Its not long after that you fall asleep with a similar smile on your face
>You wake up to the sound of knocking on your bedroom door
>Somehow through your tired daze you managed to mumble some sort of "Come in" to whoever was on the other side
>"Morning Anon! Since you worked late last night I thought you might want some fresh muffi-...Why is there a filly in your bed Anon?"
>Brightly lit by the morning sun pouring in the window over you bed is Bon Bon
>You look at her confused before you once again remember your bout of good will last night
>Goddamn you are bad at thinking when you are sleepy
"Oh that is just Glory. Ill explain it in a bit."
>"Anon you didn't do anything...unstallionlike did you? I mean I know your not from here but she looks way to young t-"
>While she is talking you get out of bed and walk over to her
>Before she can finish her thought you clamp her mouth shut with your hands
"No. I am going to go make some coffee and when I am done THEN we will talk."
>She glares at you for a second before rolling her eyes
>You let go of her mouth and pat her on the head before stumbling your way into the kitchen
>It takes a minute or two longer than it usually does but you managed to get the kettle on the stove and the water heating
>Morning Glory explores anon's home.
>Starts to pull out some books out of the bookshelves
>Pulls the right book out, Bookshelves slide along the wall.
>Morning Glory thinks Anon is a super hero.
>Actually Bon Bon's secret lair.
This will probably be the last update for a few hours. I will be really busy for the next hour or so and then will need to come home and make dinner after that. I will continue this tonight though
>Dawn of the first day, a cool midsummer breeze is the perfect companion to your morning as you slink your way to Ponyville Square, your place of business
>Even from this distance you can see that crowds have gathered to hear your talk
>Yeah, you give talks for money
>Kind of like professors when you were going to college
>Except you’re not a professional at anything save for video games, comic books, and anime
>Pretty much a NEET, thankfully that lucky pothole dropped you out of your shitty life on earth and gave you somewhat of a chance in Equestria
>You had to give a mock preview of your talks to the mayor before she agreed to your scam…Uh... service~!
>There were holocrystal slides and everything
>But it didn’t look like she was going to take the bait, she look bored the whole time
>Kinda hurt to be honest, you really did your best here and she just wrote you off
>So you thought anyway
>When it came time for your hail mary, the Q&A, she brightened up considerably
>Just about everything she asked about was on mating
>She must have some kind of humanitarian…ponitarian?… she cared about endagered shit
>She agreed to paying you per talk and things were going gravy
>That is until a certain chaos god decided to shit up the place
>He’s kind of a bitch, like literally! A bitch.
>Passive aggressive, grudge holding, mind games (realty games too), catty
>Though you’re not sure if he is part cat, or part dog for that matter. It’s just strange to see this attitude come from a guy, especially not some chaos god
>At first you two were cool it seemed, but out of the blue you’re his worst enemy
>Discord’s favorite thing to do lately is fuck with your presentations
>All you can hope to do now is keep your patience with his bullshit in check
>You’ve reached the backstage and make a quick prayer that there’s not a bucket of cherry syrup awaiting you
>Though admittedly that one was pretty funny, you couldn’t even be mad
>The elements though, they did not find it so hilarious. Not even dash, and she's usually the most relaxed mare around
>Welp, talking time is GO!
>Okay, maybe you’ll find this hilarious later
“GET BACK HERE DISCORD YOU FUCKING PUSSY!” you shout as you tear through the market to grab the piecemeal bastard
>I mean he managed to make you pants yourself in front of your whole audience
>”The saying goes ‘you are what you eat’ no? How was that bundle of stick you had for breakfast Anonymous?” he says with a unique bled of smug and venom while snaking away from your mad grabs
>You’re not entirely sure how he managed to do it seeing as how you’re immune to all magic in this world which includes mind influences
>”Discord, we gave you every opportunity to prove you were reformed, but you’ve gone too far! You’ve besmirched m’lords honor, and I’m taking you down!” shouts Twilight
>You’d be touched if she didn’t do shit like this for everything; pony bumps into me? “attempted rape”, soup too hot? “let me blow you… I mean! blow on it for you”
“Back off Starbutt! We’re gonna settle this like men!” you shout as you feign a grasp of your hands, only to attempt a tackle right after
>”Don’t you mean li-AAAHHH”
>Now the both of you are writing on the ground, fighting for dominance
>Unbeknownst to you, the six elements have formed a united front before you both, blush flooding their cheeks, unsure of what to do of the action unfolding in front of them
>”S-s-so somepony should stop them right?” stutters out Rainbow Dash with wings stiff as boards and drawing blood from a bite bottom lip
>Be Twilight Sparkle
>Writer of the of the popular “Chevalier Blanche” column for the “Gentlemare Monthly” which details all the trails and tribulations of your quest for “Offworlder’s” heart
>A quest you finally have a chance to complete!
>Anon is in danger!
>Dan- Oh hello wings!
>”S-s-so somepony should stop them right?” you hear rainbow dash stutter
>A quick look to your companions assures you that they have no intention of stopping the fight
>Psh! It’s obvious they don’t have the courage you do, seems like once again it’s up to you to get your husbando out of trouble
>Just like the last time he went out for a jog, the silly colt was wearing such revealing clothing. Not even a cup to keep his genitals from swinging about. It’s a good thing you were there to cover him up with your wings
>Oh how you’d like to cover him with more than just your wings though…W-w-with his express consent of course!!
>Alright, Focus Twi! It’s saving time! …maybe he’ll thank me for my brave efforts this time~…
>Be knocking the fuck out of Discord
>For a chaos god, he sure does punch like a wuss
>You’re not even sure he’s punched you, more like light scratches and attempts to pull at hair that I don’t have
>”Anon! Get Away! We’re going to use the elements!” shouts book horse
“Fuck off with your magic Twilight!” you growl out as Discord unleashes a garage of slaps to your face “I told you, we’re settling this like *RRRR* men! Final destination, no items, Starfox only!”
>Hey now… There’s an Idea
“Time for a DOWN GRAB MOTHERFUCKER!” you shout as you grab hold of the bitch lizard goat, with full intent to slam him into the ground
>A blinding light off to your side is the only thing that stops you
>Instinct compels you to look at the source of it, which as you guessed is a collection of multicolored pones floating.
>Is that a rain-
>”-non, Anon? C*n **u he** me?” says some voice that sounds like it’s underwater
>Oh hey, you can work your eyes again
>Opening them reveals… a bunch of blurs
>No wait, the blurs have solidified into ponies
>AJ and Dash look pretty chill, save for the blush. A unified “Rub some dirt in it/I’ve had worse” from them is nice. You always liked these mares
>Pinkie is jumping on her back two feet and swinging her front two, decked out in shorts and boxing gloves while shouting “Yeah! You sting that butterfly Nonny-bee!”
>”Pinkie! How uncouth! His wits must be frayed as it is, and such vulgar talk certainly isn’t helping!” huffs rarity while padding you with a damp rag that's in her magic grip
>Ponk is always good for a laugh and a hug, and Rara is always good for a lecture on stallion etiquette and a huff
>Shy is doing what she usually does and padding a similarly damp rag to your crotch, she says that’s how she can do her nonverbal animal communication best with you
>Considering Butterbutt can talk down a feral/greed dragon, you’ve never really argued her methods, so you just got used to her
>She looks like she’s about to break
>“Anon! Oh you silly colt I told you to get away! Why did’t you listen?!” she shouts, but doesn’t really seem to direct her shouts at you
>”It’s all my fault, I should’ve escorted you” she says, again mostly to herself
>”No, even better, I’ll have to have your talks relocated to the castle”
”Twi, I’m good”
>”…Oh yes, I’ll have to stay on top of you to make sure you’-“
“TWI, I’M FINE!”
>This elicits a jump from Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight. The jumps from their friends gets a laugh out of the other three elements
>You stand back up and are immediately dusted and fussed over by Rarity who mumbles to herself about “unstallion like behavior”
>A quick look around yields no sight of Discord, nor a Discord-like statue
“Hey, where the hell is discord?” you ask as rarity chimes in with “Language darling!"
>The mares all jump in shock and frantically start looking around
>Welp, at least their priorities boost your ego somewhat
>Suck it snake goat
>”Ooooo, I found a neat stack of bits!” shouts pinkie, head buried into a nearby bush
>She yelps when she grabs the stack and in the process throws the stack of bits to the ground in front of you all
>That…that’s not a stack of bits. That-
>”Is that a cane?” asks Rainbow dash as she looks down at it
>A cane it is.
>A cane with Discord’s head as the handle?
“What the f-“
>”Ahem!” huffs Rarity
“Floss” you finish and receive a smile from the white pone “is this, a discord cane with jewels embedded in it?” you ask looking to the elements all gathered around you
>”Jewels that look suspiciously like…” twilight trails off before all the pone’s eyes widen in shock
>They all reach a hoof up to their neck and twilight reaches for the top of her head
>Why are they- Oh.
>The jewels embedded down the cane are the elements of harmony
>Every mare's attempts to touch the cane only end in failure
>Pink gets joy buzzed as soon as she touches it
>Applejack can’t even pick it up. Like a Thor’s hammer kind of deal
>It turns to mist once Dash tries grab it and she just passes right through
>Fluttershy says she can barely see it and any attempts to grab it result in her phasing through it similar to dash
>Rarity “Can’t even bare to look at it, it’s so repulsive!” she claims
>Every attempt from Twilight results in it teleporting back where it was
>Any combined attempt to grab the cane is just as fruitless, or caneless as it were
>You roll up sleeves that you don’t have and walk over to the cane, ready to give it a shot
>Only to be met with chuckles from your six companions
>”Now y’all may be good at tussling with other males, but leave this to us mares ‘Non” she says with dismissal in her voice
>Oh fuck all y’all
>You push past the little wall of pone they formed by putting themselves between you and the cane
>Before they have a chance to react, you reach down and grab hold of the cane
>Then the world around you fades into an empty plane
>No, not empty. It’s full of space?
>Like actual space, purple, blue and black colors everywhere, there’s even stars and shit
>OH FUCK, Everything is swirling around you. Why does this all seem familiar?… WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NAKED AND GLOWING?! WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR DICK?
“What’s happening here? FUCK!”
>”You tell me you glowing imbecile, my powers have been robbed of me and I can’t escape this form!” shouts a very pissed Discord
Wait a minute, you're that samefagging troll from the last thread.
>>26018145 >>26018127 >>26018112
>>fag fag fag
>implying there are colts here.
I think you meant dyke
>implying faggot is a term of endearment
>I may not be in the kitchen right now but that doesn't mean my baby batter blaster isn't real.
I think you meant in the fields, if I caught what you're implying.
Still, a colt that can cook.... on the ponynet? You double-don't-exist.
Don't salt the wounds
argh JGOG WHEN
It's amusing in a LOLZ RANDUM111! kinda way, but it lacks direction and the craft of his other stuff.
It's goodish for a first work, but as said he's done much better since then and I'd rather see him pick up something more interesting and put together than MBA.
Obviously, the dominant gender is the one that stands three times as tall as everyone else and has hands to pet them with.
>mfw looking at Applejack's face
>mfw looking at Applejack's
wet, winking, willy-gobbler.
Oh just stop talking and keep plowing, bucko.
>and has to have sex to survive annually.
Remind me how this is a problem.
I guess for you parasol-tippers it is
Also, heat was given to ponies by the god of war Phlogeus so that we wouldn't forget to bear more warriors.
>"H-How can you say those m-mean things to me! Wh-What if I don't have any hands! I identify as a human trapped inside a pony's body!"
Can do ma'am, but it sure as hell won't be fields.
I'll take this chance to cement my cover ID.
Having a good cover ID lying around never hurt anypony.
PREVIOUSLY ON BON NOTICE
Also, just in case, both >>26009232 and >>26000168 are binned at http://pastebin.com/u/HotKinkyShy
Oh I've got a field for you to plow right here.
And pegasi are no problem! We're not racist, no sir.
We'll put your
hotflank to work. There's always more to be done.
>>26019030 >>26018917 >>26018604 >>26018573
T-t-thank you, Anons. Thank you for standing up for stallions everywhere,
>"Sir, I know we can't arrest you for anything since there are no specific laws prohibiting stallions from committing such actions, but I still have to ask you to stop raping the Elements and to release them."
>not knowing Sundown by now.
Come on, Anons. Have you even set your filters at '(Everything)' yet?
All I see is a mare that I need to empty my balls into and made to walk funny.
All you dykes and faggots can take your politics and fuck off. I'm gonna get mine.
>It takes about ten minutes but eventually you get that coffee
>The entire time Bon Bon is staring at you
>Either worried about you or judging you
>Which ever one it is you don't really care
"Ok I am alive now. What was the question?"
>"Why is there a filly in your bed Anon?"
"Found her on the way home last night unconscious under a thin blanket."
>You point at the quilt on the floor by the couch
"She probably wouldn't have survived the night."
>"So why is she in your bed?"
"I only have one damn thick blanket and it was damn cold last night. I would have put her in your room but I wasn't sure if you would be alright with it."
>"Alright that checks out. So you didn't do anything...adult with her?"
>You give her a look that just screams "fuck off"
>"I've got to make sure! I am responsible for anything you do Anon."
>Sighing you reach over and scratch her ears
"I know Bonnie and you know that I don't try to fight the system even though I hate it. For your sake I suck it up and deal with all this shit."
>"So...what do you intend to do with her?"
>you scratch the stubble on your chin
"I want her to live here. It would give her a home and let me have someone to talk to when you spend every night over at Lyra's place. Between tips and my pay I can easily support her."
>Bonnie sits there and stares off into nothing for a bit
>"Shush Anon I am thinking."
>You sigh and go back to nursing your coffee
"Yes ma'am. Sorry ma'am I forgot that stallions are only supposed to talk when spoken to."
>She rolls her eyes at you but doesn't say anything
>Finally she speaks up as you are pouring your third cup of coffee
>"There are only three ways I can see her being legally allowed to stay here. First is if we can get her parents approval."
"Possible but we would have to find out who her parents are assuming they are still alive."
>"That one seems like the least likely. Next is that she joins your herd."
>>"That one seems like the least likely. Next is that she joins your herd."
where is this going
"No, hell no, and let me think....ahh no."
>"I knew you wouldn't go for that. Besides she looks like she is too young without her parents approval. Lastly is if I adopt her."
"Wait. Why cant I adopt her?"
>"Single, motherless, and legally you are living in my house by invitation."
>You let your forehead drop and hit the table with a loud "THUNK"
"I hate these stupid backwards pony laws."
>"Its fine Anon. We can go talk with Twilight about her at some point. It should be a few days before her being here gets reported."
"Reported. Why the fuck would anyone report that?"
>"Anon...you get reported to the authorities for breaking rules about once a week. I have been dealing with since I am your guardian."
>You can feel the blood vessel in your forehead expand and lift your head off the table
>The vessel that will one day hopefully deliver the anger induced embolism straight to your brain giving you sweet relief from these ponies.
>You are brought out of your sexism induced rage
you tumblr nowby the sound of hooves on hardwood
>It seems that Glory is awake
>Quickly you lift your head off the table and force a smile on your face
>You turn and cheerily greet her in your work voice
"Good morning Glory. Did you sleep well?"
>She nods and pointedly looks at Bonnie
"Oh yeah. Morning Glory this is Bon Bon my legal guardian. Bon Bon this is Morning Glory my new...room mate?"
>Glories smile widens when you introduce Bon Bon
>"Pleased to meet you Ms. Bon Bon."
>Bonnie laughs at how formal the filly is
>"You can just call me Bon Bon. Oh and I almost forgot."
>Bonnie gets up and runs over to a Sugar Cube Corner bag you didn't notice.
>From inside she pulls out a box and sets it on the table
>"I knew you would sleep in since today is your day off after working a double so I went and got you muffins."
>As soon as she says that you run around the table and drop to your knees in front of her
You're a good cop, Anon. One of the few
These laws are absurd. It's not even a gilded cage, it's being treated retarded child.
Grab a hobo stick and walk to another country not ruled by dumb horses.
"Bon Bon. Will you horse marry me?"
>Bonnie rolls her eyes before shoving a muffin in your mouth
>"Sorry but the answer is no Anon. You know Lyra and I want to keep our relationship exclusive. Its not easy to find a mare who doesn't care about having a stallion in the herd."
>You swallow the bite of muffin and sigh
"Ahh but one day I will convince you."
>Looking over you see that Glory looks confused as fuck
"Don't worry its just an inside joke Glory. Bon Bon here always turns me down."
>She seems to relax a bit before eyeing the muffins
>You motion from her to Bon Bon with your hand
>It takes her a bit but she gets the idea eventually
>"Miss Bon Bon would it be alright for me to have a muffin?"
>"Of course you can."
>Glory reaches into the box and grabs one out with her mouth
"Want some hot chocolate to go with that?"
>She looks up at you and you can feel the joy radiating out of this filly
>You hear a "MMH MHHS" spoken around the muffin lodged in her mouth
>You cant help but laugh at the sight for a few moments before you pour her a cup of hot chocolate
>As she finished her first muffin you saw a certain cream mare set another one in front of her uninvited.
>"Anyways Anon what do you plan to do in the meantime. She cant stay in your bed every night."
>"Why not?" Glory asks innocently
>Bonnies eyes go wide as she tries to think of a response
>Good thing your bullshit gland is in full gear already today
"Because I roll around in my sleep and I will squish you."
>The you could feel the relief rolling off her at having dodged that bullet
"And my plan is to empty out that storage room. I was going to go buy her a bed and some furnishings today. They wont be delivered until tomorrow but one more night wont hurt."
>Bonnie looks like she was going to argue before she drops it
>"Alright just...wait until this afternoon to go through that room. I have to take some personal things out of there."
>tfw bonnie doesnt want to get horsemarried
>Glory gets taken away from anon
>Due to anger anon runs away from Bon Bon, kidnaps glory, and tries to go to another country for asylum.
>Or anon becomes next villain and actually succeeds.
>"Now that I have crushed the goodly Princesses and hold the Elements of Harmony in my power, I shall proceed to grant equal rights to everyone and personally adopt all homeless fillies and colts of the world!"
"Now don't aim for the ribs - try to aim between them-"
>You mimic a thrust on a pony-sized mannequin you borrowed from rarity
>The crude spear pierces the soft foam, sinking in a few inches
"Now you try with your improvised weapon."
>"HYAAA~!" The tiny filly gives her war cry - good! - as she slams the point of her crude spear into the dummy, rocking it slightly
"Good! Very good - but you hit a rib. These are made of metal, but most likely you would've broken it. Good!"
>You golf clap softly, and she beams
>Your lesson echos off of every wall and stall around you
>Oh yeah, you're also teaching this in the middle of the market
>Somepony clears her throat behind you
>"A-anonymous, we uh... we're trying to be culturally sensitive, b-but these lessons-"
"Have I broken a law?"
>"W-well no, bu-"
"Am I not being supervised by at least two dozen mares right now?"
>"I-I mean technically-"
"Isn't this technically classified as self-defense?"
"Well then. Little orphan annie, what do we do if our nemesis has both wings AND a horn?!"
>"GO FOR THE EYES! CUT HER EYES, MAKE HER BLIND, LEAD HER AS A SLAVE!" she bellows, launching herself at the mannequin's head, gnawing indiscriminately
"Excellent! We're gonna get ice cream at this rate!"
>She turns to you with joy, chunks of foam sticking to her mouth. "S-sprinkles too?"
"Yes. We shall ride to Valhallah's Heavenly Ice Cream shop, shiny and pone together."
>Today was a 'pushing the envelopes of laws can be terrifying too' kinda day
>Glory gets taken away from anon
>Bon Bon doesn't help him.
>Anon begins to put all of himself towards getting glory back.
>Does research on pony anatomy, magical items, and martial arts.
>Anon continuously practices his craft.
>He picks the locks in his home everyday.
>At work he works on his foot work.
>The silence of his steps and in his martial art
>Never stops asking Bon Bon about Glory.
>Anon's first mission as a 'spy' is to find out where Glory went.
>Sneaks into offices of child services.
I'm totally going to raise my little hellspawns into little terrors.
>You raise your eyebrow at her questioningly but she her vision is focused on Glory seemingly pointedly avoiding your gaze
>"You might also run her by Doctor Good Smiles for a check up. I don't like the look of some of those bruises."
>You can feel that righteous anger of your white knight lineage building up inside you again.
>You force it down. Now is not the time for you to tard rage. Not yet.
>That's a good point though. She could probably use a good checkup after living on the streets so long.
>You knew there was a reason why you put "Talk to Bon Bon" at the top of your list
"Will do. I might also swing by Rarity's place to see about getting her some winter clothes."
>Once you and Glory are done eating you send Glory to go brush her teeth
>Before Bon Bon can slip out you put your hand on her shoulder
"Bonnie before you run off for another tryst with your marefriend can you do me a favor? Can you have a guard deliver a message to Twilight?"
>She frowns at your jab before giving you a questioning look
"Just have the guard tell her that "Anonymous is ready to call in that favor."
>"Anon what are you doing?"
"Nothing that should cause any problems. At worst she just says no."
And that is it for tonight. I will continue this tomorrow after work (maybe during again but no promises)
Most of the problems Anon is having with the laws would rarely come up in Equestria.
>Stallions are not allowed to own property
They can but the property belongs to their family or herd. This is to prevent them from "making stupid decisions" that ruin them financially
>Anon cant adopt
I doubt Anon would be allowed to adopt on earth since he doesnt own the house he is living in
>The things Bonnie is defending Anon about
They are things that Anon doesn't think about. Things like scratching a mare on the head or petting them. Those are a bit more sexual than he thinks.
She is based on box pony so tan fur dark brown mane.
>(TWO HOURS LATER)
>The two of you walk out of the movie theater with horrified expressions.
>That.... that was.
"On second thought, DON'T imitate what you saw in that movie."
>"OH THANK GOD!"
>"Mmmm?" Table #7 says in unison, looking up at you
>In retrospect - and retrospect being "the entirety of this shift" you've been thinking about how to break the information to your... uh. cowfriends?
>You wince internally at the name, but whatever
>Long story short, it makes more sense to tell them *now*, than to have another questionable training morning and cement that kinda behaviour as "ok"
>But... you can't just come out and say it
>So, this is why you're standing at Table #7 as your morning shift ends, trying to talk to your two best customers
"I was thinking-"
>"Is that why you were frowning? Are you hurt?" Helga asks with actual concern in her voice
"-n-no. Just. What do you two have planned for the rest of the day?"
>Greta hums. "Well, probably get settled into my base house, make some rounds for some stuff I need - pull some things out of storage, the usual - but nothing important. Helga?"
>She smiles widely. "Nothing at all!"
"Lucky. Well, I'm off here soon as well..."
>They look at you with a smile
>You return it
>. . .
>Your cheek starts to twitch
>Damnit you're trying to play into the whole theme of the joint, here:
>Reversed Gender Roles, of course
"...and I'm not really doing anything else for the rest of the day..."
>They nod, smiling at you
>"Well that's good! Resting is important after a hard day's work!" Helga chirps, reaching for her mug of hot cocoa
>She always orders the damn thing instead of coffee - because, and I quote here, 'it reminds me of how sweet you are'
>. . .
>"TAKE THE BOY OUT TO LUNCH!" Elsa bellows from the back, and the three of you jump slightly
>... ok so you spent the next few moments picking up your tray and reciepts from the ground
>So things aren't as dystopian as they first appeared?
It can but usually isn't unless you are an adult stallion that doesn't have any family and does not want to join a herd. The societal pressures for stallions to join herds is quite strong.
However family is quite important so being an orphan makes it really hard to get along in equestria.
>Is ponyland still made of marshmallows?
Not really. Some onies suffer, some ponies starve, some ponies die. The Equestria Anon went to is more realistic than the show because it is darker. It still retains some of the cartooniness but mostly its gone. Its not a grimderp world though.
>Greta laughs. "W-well why didn't you say so! Dangit, Anon, you don't have to play coy with
>You stand up as Helga kicks her partner in crime under the table
>"Ssssh! We're playing the most dangerous game!" She stagewhispers, before turning to you.
"So, uh... well, I know you're around food all day, but would you like to go out for lunch? Our treat, of course."
>Did...ok, know what? Just ignore everything that happened
"Yes, I'd love to go. Give me a few minutes to clean up and I'll be out."
>Her eyes sparkle with barely-contained glee, shimmering like the innocent hope of a child
>Yeah ok enough of that shit you're about to clock out and you'll be damned if you spend any extra time at work
>AKA unpaid bullshittery time
>You push through the doubledoors to the kitchen, Elsa humming happily
>"Gonna be an auntie~ doo doo dooo, gonna be an auntie thanks to nonnie-poo~"
"This is harassment, you know."
>"Mmm, take it up with MR."
>"Minotaur Resources, AKA, My husband, who's actually out buying matching booties for our calves."
"I...I need to get out of here."
>Quickly you pull your apron off, hanging it over an errant peg
>"The feeling of the walls closing in on you is called commitment, Anon! Embrace it~!"
* * *
>So, you are still Anon
>And it's actually a beautiful day
>You missed the "wild" weather that Equestria stops at their borders
>So to see errant wisps of cloud and a clear blue sky...
>Kinda makes this feel more like home
>"S-so... well...you can have anything you want!"
>You look back down at the food truck's menu, smiling softly
>The plan was originally to take you out on a whirlwind bacchinalian feast, giving you all the finest things their homeland can offer
>When they realized how much things they can't pronounce cost, the new idea was to have a nice lunch at an outdoor cafe
>....when they realized payday was NEXT friday, you found yourself here
>At the most romantic...food cart possible.
I'm a fucking sucker for these kinds of stories, I hope they both have a happy ending.
>The Minotauress at the counter is nice, though, if not a little impatient
"So... can I get the poutine, then? But replace hay fries with... uh... do you do potato?"
>"We can. Medallions or strips?"
"Strips - like fries?"
>"Heh. New diet fad?" She asks, but before you can answer she leans back, barking your order to the chef.
>"12 bits for the lot of ya. The cutie eats free, though~"
>"Thanks!" Helga beams, forking over her payment. "But I'm spoken for, sorry!"
>The counter mino looks at you with... a mixture of pity and 'you can do better'
>You mouth softly 'I know'
>Greta stands at attention next to you
>In that awkward I'm-close-but-not-too-close kinda way
"Uhm... so... I guess we'll just chill at the park until it's ready?"
"Do you want to... come with me?"
>"Imma wait here - you two get a good seat!"
>You tilt your head and look at this section of the park's one bench
>You start walking, motioning for Greta to join you
>And she's... close-but-not-too-close-but-we're-together-but-not
"Is...is something wrong?"
>"N-no! Am I not being a perfect gentlecow? I-uh, I don't know if I can pull out a park bench
>You turn and flop down on the bench, manspreading slightly
>That's right - in public, what
>She sits exactly 6 inches from you
"You know... you can touch me, right?"
>The 'invincible border guard', 'army danger ranger', 'the best from the west' soldier infront of you is sporting an impressive blush - so much so that it looks like it's taken over the whole face and has creeped down the neck somewhat
>"Hah... I uh... y-yes, bu-well, ah-"
>this is painful
"Am I your first boyfriend?"
>"N-NO!" she pouts, looking at you with moist eyes
>You scoot over a bit, letting your side rest against hers, your outer thigh - SCANDALOUS - pressing against hers
>She fidgets with her hands
"If you'd like, I can... put my arm around you -"
>"Wh - uh, n-no!"
>Slowly she reaches over and drapes her arm over your shoulders
>You study her face intently - and notice that soon, she can't stop smiling
>You feel slightly tingly all over
>So this is what it's like to be a waifu
>No... a guyfu
>Now, how to bring up a subject that will utterly destory this mood in the least-damaging way
>You lean back slightly against her muscled arm - it's suprisingly comfy - and stare at the clouds, thinking
>You feel her pull you slightly towards her, and you offer no resistance
>Now your view is a bit tilted
>So THIS is what it's like to rest on a shoulder
>You see Helga repeatedly sampling the condiments, much to the ire of the shopkeeper
>She points to a sign that says free as she spoons out another condiment to 'taste'
>You'll have to watch that one
"You know, you can stop flexing-"
>"W-what? I'm totally not-"
>You smile and feel something nuzzling the top of your head
>"By uh... the way... thanks."
>"Giving us a chance."
"Same...though, we actually need to talk about that - not-!"
>You feel her immediately tense up, and you pull back, turning to face the now borderline-panic-attacking cow infront of you
"Not! No. Nyet. We're not breaking up - stop that!"
>"Wh-well, what the tartarus!? - I mean, that phrase-"
"I know, I know. But we do need to talk."
>"What about?" an overly-chipper voice says, thrusting your paperbowl full of Cownadian cuisine infront of you
>"The giant slab of beef that was outside your home before dawn, just staring at your windows silently - clothed in a tracksuit that clung to all the right parts of her body?"
>Greta tilts her head to the side, staring at Helga with a rarely-seen intensity
"Yeah...I think... I made a
Aaand done. Tiny babby update to get me back into writing.
You should get a name and a trip if you're gonna make this a thing.
Do I really need a trip? I don't give two shits if some faggot starts imitating me.
This a good name?
I guess I should also start a pastebin if I am gonna be doing this.
http://pastebin.com/mu2rJLdK for the story
Just some queers using his name and pretending to be him. It was easy to tell, though, considering it was shitposting and the last genuine post said that he was going to bed. If you don't want to use a trip, I don't think you really need it.
>"Mommy?" Hope calls out from upstairs.
>Lyra is out for a performance but Bon Bon is home, relaxing from her recent return from a candymaking seminar out in Gryphonia.
>You can hear the worry in Hope's voice and begin to respond but Bon Bon beats you to it by calling out to her, "Mommy's out, I'm here though."
>Hope takes a moment to respond but eventually ekes out an "O-okay."
>Something's up, you've spent enough time with your kids to know that much.
>But they've been seemingly playing peacefully upstairs thus far.
>Not even like suspiciously peacefully, you heard some thumps and laughter coming from their rooms as opposed to complete silence.
>As Hope's hooves come trotting down the stair you decide to wait it out and see if she's going to spill.
>She's twiddling her thumbs as she walks into the living room you and Bon Bon are in, she only does that when she's nervous.
>Oh yeah, she, or gumdrop, or both of them did something alright.
>Hope walks right up to Bon Bon and shits her weight from one hoof to the other.
>Bon Bon flicks an ear in her daughter's direction to acknowledge her, but otherwise doesn't look up from her manilla folder.
>Hope opens and closes her mouth a few times, trying to find the right way to say what it is she wants to say.
>Bon Bon, hasn't noticed any of this due to her burying her face in that folder full of candy-making techniques or something.
>Hope's eyes light up and she puts her clasped hands to her chest, "So I have a random question..." she finally responds with.
>Oh yeah, "random" you're sure.
>Bon Bon hums in acknowledgement.
>"Could somepony die if they... I dunno... swallowed a bit?"
>Bon Bon's brow furrows for a moment before she quickly responds with, "Yes, so don't do it."
>Hope's jaw begins to drop before she quickly clamps it shut and chirps a short, "Okay, thanks Mom" and runs up the stairs and shuts the door to her room.
>Bon Bon appears to be quite satisfied with this series of events and settles back into her chair to continue reading.
>Tan horsewife's ears flick and she turns to face you, "What?"
"Our daughter has a "random question" and you just take it at that?"
>Bonnie scrunches her muzzle and shrugs, "Of course not. I figured they were going to dare each other to do it or something so I told Hope not to do it. Problem solved."
>You chuckle to yourself.
"Maybe it's because I spend more time with them, or just look at them while they're talking to me, but... Y'know what? I think I'm going to make myself some popcorn."
>Bon Bon's face is the very definition of confused, "What? Why?"
"Oh I just get the feeling that a show is about to begin is all... and what good is a show without some popcorn" you singsong as you make your way to the kitchen.
>You can hear Bonnie grumble something about "guys always looking for drama where there isn't any" before entering the kitchen.
>Bowl at the ready, you settle yourself into the specially made chair that can actually fit you and pop a piece of ightly salted popcorn into your mouth.
>Bon Bon can hear the smugness in your snacking and flattens her ears against her head.
>A few more crunches with some satisfied moans sprinkled in are enough to make her put her folder down and look back at you, "I told you already I took care of it. My daughter came to me and I-"
>She stops because she, just as you did, heard one of the girl's door open.
>You have to strain yourself a little harder than Bonnie does, but you hear them whispering to each other in the hallway just before the stairs.
>You make a smooth fluid motion with a piece of popcorn pinched between your fingers.
"And here we go..."
>You pop that last piece just as the girls begins pacing slowly down the stairs.
>Bonnie's face is a little red from what you assume is a combination of your prodding and the realization that you might be right.
"Whatever they say, don't get mad okay Bonnie? Calm and collected or they'll be too scared to tell us anything."
>Bon bon lets out a long breath, the color on her cheeks fades to her usual tan and she nods.
>It's always impressive how she does that, it's gotta be all the experience of running her own shop.
>The girls reach the bottom of the stairs in single file with Hope in front and Gumdrop hiding somewhat behind her sister.
>You set your bowl down on the floor and look your daughters in the eyes.
"Hey girls" you greet warmly to try to get them to relax a little.
>The combination stare from both you and Bon Bon probably doesn't make that last effort work at all, but it was worth a shot.
>"Umm... Mom, daddy," Hope begins, facing each of you as she addresses you, "We have something to tell you..."
>You shoot Bonnie a smirk and she sends a brief frown back at you.
>"What's that kiddo?" Bon Bon asks calmly.
>Hope stops twiddling her thumbs and steps to the side so her sister is revealed to your both, "Gumdrop wanted to tell you both goodbye before she dies."
>Hope's statement coupled with the shimmer in Gumdrops eyes sends a pang through your chest.
>Immediately you scan her over to see if there's anything obviously wrong, but nothing stands out at you.
>You quickly shoot a glance to your candymaker and she returns one in kind.
>A wordless confirmation that neither of you sense any obvious danger to your child and to reaffirm the "stay calm" commitment.
"Okay... Gumdrop, little sweet thing, why are you dying?" your heart aches just asking the question, and it takes monumental effort just to keep a cool front up.
>"B-b-b-because..." she mumbles, "I-I-I...I swallowed a bi-i-i-it!" she sobs as she runs over and throws her arms out for you.
>Your well experienced hands latch on under her armpits and you smoothly use her momentum to rest her against your chest so you can rub her back as she blubbers.
>The feeling of relief that washes over you as you hold your sobbing, but totally fine, daughter in your arms is indescribable.
>You raise your eyebrows at Bon Bon and continue rubbing your daughter's back, her face relaxes as the relief hits her too.
>Before she gets too comfy, you nod over in the direction of Hope, who has been standing by awkwardly for the last few seconds.
>Bon Bon gets the hint and turns to her daughter, clearing her throat before she speaks, "So Hope, you wanna tell us what happ-"
>You interrupt with a noise clearing of your throat.
>Bonnie mouths a "what?" at you.
>You nod her over, which Bon Bon rolls her eyes at you for a moment before hopping out of her chair and walking up next to you.
>She rests a hoof on Gumdrop's shoulder and tilts her head so your mouth is about ear height with Bonnie.
"You take Hope and go to another room. I'll keep Gumdrop down here. She may have been needlessly worried with false information of immediate death for swallowing a bit, but the fact is that she did swallow one. We gotta find out why, and if they're together then we'll get one patched together story instead of the truth."
>Bon Bon's eyes widen for a moment, the thought must have never crossed her mind, she pecks you on the cheek, "Clever."
"You think I don't know my girls?"
>She shoots you a smirk before turning to face Hope, "Okay Hope. Let's go talk in your room huh?"
>You see the fear begins to build in your daughter's golden eyes, she nods timidly and follows her mom upstairs.
>A few sniffles brings you back to the task at hand.
>You pull Gumdrop up and sit her on your lap so she can face you properly.
>"I'm sorry Daddy. It was an accident and now I... I'm gonna miss you when I go to Elysium."
>You gently wipe her face free of tears.
"Oh Gumdrop. You're not going to die sweetie."
>She sniffles as you continue cleaning her up, pulling loose hairs back behind her ears and such.
"No baby. Mommy should've been clearer when Hope asked her about it..." you grumble slightly, "But you're going to be okay, now why don't you tell me what happened huh?"
>You have no idea whose word to trust this time.
>Normally Gumdrop is the liar, with Hope having a poker face that can't hold up with a pair of deuces.
>But right now you have no idea who's feeling guilty enough to give you and Bonnie the whole truth.
>All you can do know is cross reference once you have both girls' stories.
>"Okay..." Gumdrop mumbles, "We were upstairs playing with our Power Ponies figures-"
Started a thing, maybe halfway through, but it's getting late. There was some resistance to satyrs here in the last thread, should I just let this one go to keep the thread from going nuclear or should I finish this one up?