>You finally did it!
>You worked up the courage to ask that tall, elegant, beautiful girl for a date. It just suddenly seized you, the impulse to walk up to her and say...
"Hi! I'm Anon, I'm new here. Look, please don't be offended but... would you like to come to dinner with me? Tonight?"
>She looks surprised. But that's nothing compared to your surprise when she opens her mouth.
"YEH ORLRITE! FAK IT, WHY NOT? I CUD DO WIV SUM FREE GRUB ANNA SHAG!"
>And then she laughed. It sounded like a broken-winded mule bellowing into a bucket.
>Undaunted, you book the finest restaurant you can afford for such a classy lady. Octavia seems to like it.
"FAKKIN ELL! POSH ERE INNIT! GLAD I PUT SUM KNICKERS ON!"
>You notice she always speaks just slightly on the wrong side of too loud. The other diners politely pretend they didn't hear. The waiter brings the menus. Octavia peers at hers.
"ERE, ITS ORL IN FAKKIN FRENCH! OI CARNT READ THIS, ILL END UP GETTIN A PLATE OF FAKKIN SNAILS IN GARLIC WUNNAI!"
>You look at the menu yourself. It's in English, it's just been printed with a curly script kind of font. Octavia thrusts her menu back at the waiter.
"I WONT PIE AND MASH DUNNOI. PLENTY OV LIKKER ON THA MASH!"
>The other diners continue to pretend. The waiter does his best.
"I'm so sorry Madam, I don't think we serve that kind of dish here. We have a lovely bass, served with snow-peas, it's very..."
"I SED FAKKIN PIE AND MASH MATE! AND A PINTA LARGER!"
"I... I'll see what the chef can do."
>He walks away without even asking you what your order was. Octavia pulls a packet of Embassy number 10 outs of her little handbag and lights it up. You desperately try to start a normal conversation.
"I saw you in your last concert, you play very beautifully!"
"YER, I LIKE ME OLD CHELLER DUNNOI"
"Who's your favourite composer?"
"WORL, BAITOVEN PROBLY. BARKS ALRIGHT AN ALL. NOT MOATZART THO, EE'S A CUNT. FAKKIN NOTES EVERYWHERE. BASTARD."
How do you start some romance up, Anon?
>YEH ORLRITE! FAK IT, WHY NOT? I CUD DO WIV SUM FREE GRUB ANNA SHAG!
You just made my day. Thank you OP. I can't wait to see what obnoxious britbong she spouts when anon plants his American flag in her ass.
> "I WONT PIE AND MASH DUNNOI. PLENTY OV LIKKER ON THA MASH!"
"We serve food here ma'am."
OP ere. Dunt get upset Britfags. Oim a Britfag an all innoi. Before RR I always imagined Octavia had a sophisticated, classy voice. I think most of us did. Then she spoke.
Oi fakkin pissed meself diddentoi. Aw many edcannons died that day.
The funny things is that she actually wasn't speaking in her normal voice. She was yelling. I wouldn't go on and call her a britbong just like that.
But I still find these things fuckin' hilarious. Thanks OP, gg.
Should've gone down the pub. They'll serve pie 'n' mash.
She'd also be sorted on the larger side of things.
I'd go for good ol' fish 'n' chips and a shandy cos I'm a lightweight.
I'm buggered on what to do after that.
Got a mate who talks like that. People keep telling him to stop effing and jeffing in public as there's usually kiddites in earshot running amok.
Tavifag with freshly destroyed headcanon voice detected!
>Despite everything, dinner was kind of a success. After the restaurant you took Octavia to a bar, and except for one small scene where she'd decided another girl in the room was 'lookin at me funny' you both had a good time.
>You walk her home. She goes to the front door, and turns to you.
"YOU CUMMIN' IN OR WOT?"
"YOU AINT GOTTA BE SHY WIV ME MATE. BOTH SINGLE INT WE? AND I'M GASPIN FOR A BUNK UP. AINT AD ME LEG OVER FOR A MONTH OR SUMFIN."
>It's too tempting to refuse. You just wish there was... a little more romance involved.
>Octavia gets a six-pack out of the fridge and leads you upstairs by the hand. You get an eye-level view of her perfect butt moving in her skirt, and start to get excited despite your misgivings.
>Slightly to your surprise, her room is feminine, neat and tidy. She puts some music on - Schumann's Ghost Variations.
>You watch as she peels down her long white socks, and lays back on her bed.
"WELL DUNT JUST STAND THERE YOU SOFT TWAT, GET YER KEX OFF!"
>You both shed your clothes and lay together. Your hand caresses her soft, grey curves. She smells wonderful.
"OY OY, NO TOUCHIN' ME TITS YET MATE! I LIKE A LORRA FOREPLAY ME."
>Ignore the voice, just feel the sensations, ignore the voice, just feel the...
WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB
>Octavia leaps to her feet, completely nude.
"YOU AV GOTTA BE AVING A FAKKIN LARF!!"
>She hammers on the wall.
"VOINYL! TURN THAT FAKKIN NOISE DAHN!!"
"NO IT FAKKIN ENT! I CARNT BONK WITH THAT FAKKIN RAKKIT GOIN ON! VOINYL!"
>She grabs a dressing gown and dashes into the corridor. You hear her in the next room.
"OY!!! CARNT YOU SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINITS YOU FAKKIN JUNKIE TART! I WOS JUST ABAHT TO GET ME BUM DONE!"
"Well, don't let me stop you."
"YOU AV STOPPED ME! PLAYING THAT FAKKIN NOISE!"
"That NOISE happens to be Digital Mystikz ACTUALLY, and I don't complain when you play that viola all night!"
"ITS A CHELLER YOU CUNT!"
>You gaze wistfully at your now completely limp member.
>You are Anon, a student in Canterlot High.
>It is chemistry class, and the teach wants everyone in groups of two.
>You smiled to yourself, and gave Pinkie Pie -the eyes-
>She returned the gaze with a smug smile that said "we gon work together niggaaaaa"
>But that stopped once you heard the teacher say that your partner would be the person sitting next to you.
>You turn your head, and see... Octavia.
>She was scratching her crotch.
"OI OI ANAN. LOOKS LAHK WE WORKIN TOGATHER YE?"
>"Yeah, we are working together...."
>Pinkie cringed in your direction and shrugged, turning away.
"ME YELLIN? MAYBE YOU NEED TA SPEAK UP ANAN. ME GRAN GRAN SPEAKS LOUDER THAN YOU SHE DOES. TWAT."
"ANAN WOT THE FOK WE DOIN? BLIMEY IF A 'AD A NOTE FO' ERRY TIME AH PAID OTTENSION A'D BE A RICH CUNT I TELLS YA."
>Its gonna be a long class.
"BLOODY 'ELL FOKS WRONG WIF YOU TODAI ANANEMIS. YER ALWAYS BEIN A QUIET ONE YOU IS. D'YOU FANCY ME? IZ THAT ET?"
>"It's definitely not that, Octa-"
"O SO YOU TINKS AM NAWSTY? BILLY-NO MATES SGOT SUM
BULLOCKS NAW. "
>"What!? No! I don't think you're nasty, Oc-"
"WELL TEN? WOT IS IT, DIVVY?"
>"Nothing! Stop fucking interrupting me!"
>>"ANONYMOUS. I will NOT permit such language in the classroom. I am calling security to escort you out. That is a zero for you on today's assignment.
>She scratched her crotch again.
First time wroitin. Be gentle.
watch MTV UK
then youll understand
>mfw watching BBC version of Jersey Shore when staying dublin for a couple of weeks
>there are people in this quadrant of the galaxy that vocalize like this
jesus, am i glad we kicked your fucking asses out
oooooooooooohhhhh... i get it... ewww
Here's how i would romances this little situation.
>Grab her neck and chock here until she passes out and goes completely
>Get a handkerchief and tie it to her fucking mouth
>Take her to a fucking shead and brainwash her until we get rid if that rubbish accents, like in that one terrible episode of family guy. Except with dexters lab and no obmledo framage
>Three take here body home and put her to bed then spray some water at her and run when she wakes up
>Four rape her the next day cause you also brainwash her to fuck that English ass up
>Everything in this post
>especially the grammar and spelling
>you and Octavia have recently moved in together
>for the first time in weeks she and you have finally got some time to relax
>fittingly, it's snowing outside
>like a lot
>being good ol' bongland, snow usually comes in two flavours
>"what do you mean it's snowing?" and "ICE FOR THE ICE GOD CLOSED ROADS FOR THE INCONVENIENCE THRONE"
>guess which one it was
>it wasn't too bad though, the two of you were huddled together on the sofa under a Burberry blanket with hot chocolate (hers had a dash of white lightening in of course)
>you're watching the Jeremy kyle show when a familiar face arrives on screen, and the dulcet tones of an angel sound in your ear
"OI, IS THAT MOI FEKKIN NAN? HAS SHE BEEN STEALING ME BRAVVAS DOLE MONEY AGAIN? BLEEDIN COW"
>such is life in mother bongland with your waifu
>your at home in human-ville and are watching a new show 'tavia-street' where a film crew follow the only britbong in human-ville
>"on today's episode Octavia goes 'shopping'"
"OYE YOU FOOKING PIKEY'S STOP FILMING ME IM TRYING TO SHUV DIS KATE MOSS PERFUME UP MAH MINGE"
>and later she discovers that she's pregnant with a mysterious lovers baby...
>you face palm as you remember that horrible night constant yelling of "STICK YOUR JIMMY IN MY MINGE AWWWWWHHH YEAHHHH DATS RIGHT UP MAH CUNT AND AFTER DAT UP MY ASS YOU DIRTY TWAT"
"HOLY FUCK I CANT BELIEVE IT... OYE M8 HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I COULD SELL DIS THING FOR DOWN THE ORPHONAGE?, BETTER YET HOW MUCH BENEFITS DO I GET FROM THIS THING!?!?!"
>"and finally she encounters some 'yanks' who give her a hard time"
"YOU DIRTY FUCKING YANKY CUNTS TAKING THE PISS OUT OF ME BEACUSE IVE GOT APPARENT BAD TEETH YOUR PROBERLY BROTHERS AND FUCKING SISTERS BORN OUT YOUR MOMS ASSHOLE, 1776 IS THE ONLY DAY YOU PEOPLE GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SO YOU CAN TAKE THE PISS OUT OF ME WILL FUCK YOU, YOU DIRTY CUN..."
>the camera goes to static for a minute and then returns to the narrator
>"yep all this and more on tavia-stree...."
>you decided to switch the TV off since even though taking all your aspirin and paracetamol and should actually be dead you've still got a booming headache
there is a mini-write fag don't hate on meh im still a scrub in terms of making green text spoiler text and all that good stuff but 'tavia-street' was supposed to be a rip-off of benefits street a show we have here in britbong land
I thought it was pretty funny, one write-fag to another.
Never again shall I look upon Octavia without hearing the shrill, raspy cry of "YEH OLRITE! FAK IT, WHY NOT?"
hey OP its me the what accent do you think Octavia has I think after watching this video can we agree it being perhaps Geordie what do you anon's think??
Yeah, but only more extreme.
"Vinyl please turn down your music, there's an audition tommorow, and I really need to practice, so if you would be so kinda as to-"
>"Sorry Octy, got hit by something, I don't know what, but I'm calling it inspiration, and I can't stop now. I'm in the zone"
"Look, Vinyl, I'm sure this is good for your music, but I just-"
>"Shhh, Octy I can't hear the music"
"Vinyl, please, ma patience is gettin pretty thin here, so I'm gonna ask again real nicely. Please,"
>WHAT WAS THAT!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE WUBS!!"
"I SAID IF I CON' PLAY MAH BLOODY CHELLAR I'LL BE SHOVIN ENTIER THANG YAR FOIKIN ASSHOLE, UNTUL YOUR COPHIN UP SPLINTAS YOU GOIDDAM SMEGPOT!!!"
>"... I'll just put on some headphones"
Guy who wrote the thing linked in >>20205789 here.
I just wrote a little more R63!Britbong Octavia green for the R63 thread. Anyone mind if I crosspost it here, or would it be better if I just linked it?
Anyway, since no-one's actually objected outright to the idea of me crossposting the green, I'm just gonna go ahead and do that.
>You are Octavius
>And you are in your dressing room, getting ready to head home after a very long performance
>Placing your cello away into its wheeled case, you raise your hooves to your throat to unclip your bowtie and collar
>With your throat now free, you grunt as you audibly crack your neck
"Bloody hell... I needed that."
>You unceremoniously dump your obtrusive accessories into the case, closing it afterwards
>Hitching it to yourself, you're about to leave when the phone sitting on the dresser catches your attention
>You remember that Vinyl has tonight off work, and you haven't really gotten to spend much time with her recently
>Trotting back in, you hook one hoof around the hoofset, using the other to key in Vinyl's number on the rotary dial
>You hold the hoofset to your head as the phone rings once
>"Yo, this is Vinyl," you hear your friend answer. "Who's calling?"
>"Octavius?! Dude, it's been ages!"
"I know, right? Been bloody donkey's years. Anyway, I was thinkin'..."
Whoops, left my trip on.
>Idly, you mess up your mane with a free hoof as you trail off
>"Yeah, 'Tavius?" Vinyl's voice sounds positively enthusiastic over the receiver. "What were you thinking?"
"Well... You free around six bong? Was thinkin' we could head out for tea tonight. Just you an' me."
>"Dude, are you..." Vinyl's voice quietens down to a whisper as she answers. "Are you, like... asking..."
>Though you hold the hoofset close, you can't quite make out the last few words
"You what, mate?"
>"Huh?" Your friend seems jolted by your question. "Oh, uh... nevermind, dude," she finally answers, sighing. "So, anyway, you said six? How about seven?"
"Seven bong? Eh, I'm easy. It's a date."
>You pause, realising the potential implications of what you just said
"Uh... that is, it's um, not in the romantic sense... unless you, uh... in which case..."
>Vinyl cackles hysterically over the receiver as you fumble over your words
>"Keep digging, dude," she finally answers, suppressing her laughter to snorts. "You might reach Ger-mane-ia at this rate!"
"Get stuffed, Vinyl. Just... gah. Seven bong. I'll pick you up. Cheers."
>Finally calming down, Vinyl hmms in agreement. "Pick up at seven. Got it. See you, 'Tavius."
>A few hours later, you find yourself standing at Vinyl's doorstep
>You raise your hoof, reaching towards the doorbell
>Pressing it down, however, you hear nothing but a dull click
>Quietly, you grumble to yourself
>You clear your throat before taking in a deep breath
>The noise you unleash is less of a shout and more of a guttural, earth-shaking roar
>Either way, though, it certainly seems to have gotten the attention of a certain blue-maned unicorn now poking her head out of her window
>Along with every other pony on this street, it seems
>"Dude!" Your old friend glares at you, clearly irritated. "I -have- a doorbell, 'Tavius."
"Yeah, but it's knackered, innit?"
>You push the button on the broken doorbell in full view of Vinyl to emphasise your point
>"Oh." Her expression softens as she calms down. "Actually," she continues, putting a hoof to her chin, "that does explain a lot...huh."
"Yeah. So, y'just about ready up there?"
>"Almost," she says, pulling her head back in. "I'll be right there."
>Surely enough, the door opens a couple of minutes later
>Vinyl stands before you in the doorway, her mane neatly tied into a bun
>Now that you see her close-up, you're fairly certain she's also wearing at least some makeup, complete with ivory lipstick
>It's quite the contrast to your now-thoroughly scruffed hair and total lack of accessories
>Looking your friend up and down, you reach behind your neck, scratching the back of your head in bewilderment
"Why're you all tarted up like that, anyway?"
>"O-oh, um..." Vinyl's eyes shift away for a moment, seemingly nervous
>Since when did Vinyl Scratch get nervous? Especially around you?
>"Well, 'Tavius, you said 'tea', right?"
"Yeah, what of it?"
>"It's just, y'know," she continues, looking back to you, "all the tea parlours around Manehattan are pretty swanky, so..."
"You friggin'... ugh."
>Sighing, you bury your face into your hoof as you shake your head
"Not -that- kind of tea, Vinyl."
>Deadpan, the mare stares silently at you, awaiting your explanation
"Uh... bloody hell, what's it in Manehattanish...? Right! Dinner. We're, uh, goin' to dinner."
>"Ooohhh," she responds, nodding. "That kind of tea. Now I got you, dude."
"Yeah. Sorry 'bout that."
>The pair of you share a brief chuckle over the misunderstanding
>As the two of you quieten down, though, you come back to the subject at hand
"So, what do you reckon of goin' to that pub down the road, the ol' Red Manticore? The drinks are a bit rubbish, but their salad's the dog's bollocks."
>"I dunno, 'Tavius," Vinyl replies, "I heard they had some kind of rat problem there lately."
"Rats? Gah. Grotty little bastards..."
>You shudder as the image of a rat-infested kitchen enters your mind
"Fuck that, then. Any places you fancy goin' instead?"
>"Well..." Vinyl grins as an idea comes to her. "We could try Pony Joe's Tavern."
"Wait, Joe's runnin' a tavern now?"
>You give your friend a nonplussed expression as you speak
"I thought that ol' sod just did donuts an' donut accessories."
>"Nah, dude does all sorts of pastries and stuff now. And," she notes, growing excited, "the cider's totally kickass! Apple Family stuff, straight from Ponyville!"
"Brilliant. Let's go, then."
>Vinyl's voice stops you dead in your tracks
>"I should get... this... cleaned up before we head out," she explains, gesturing with a hoof towards her face and mane
>As she reaches up to undo her bun, however, you move in towards her
>You hold her hoof still with your own, looking into her bright magenta eyes
"You're fine as is. Let's hit the frog and toad."
And that's it for now. Will probably write more later.
>"Bloody hell, yer royal hahhness. Oi'm sorry bat am not lickin' dat aaht again." Said Starswirl, as he brought his dampened muzzle out from between the Sun princess' parted hindlegs. "It were like eatin' sushi off a barbershop floor, it were."
This thread has me positively frothing with patriotic fervour.
Who the fok are yer calling poofters?!
We've all come ta see yer minge an' stonking tits!
Not an UKfag here
But the term "Britbong" refers to British?
And are the British speak a little more... "Sophisticated" than that?
I think Octavia is Scottish
Oh, it fucks my headcanon so much
Playing with stereotypes is so amusing
The worker class deserves some respect, too
They build your houses/flat
Atleast they are not fucking niggers that doesnt do any shit all day; and they get subsidized by the loca goverment
That destroys my real-life headcanon
Jersey here and I used to speak almost impeccable Queen's English until secondary school during which time I started talking pretty much like everybody else. I've been told our accents over here are reminiscent of a South African's, but honestly I don't hear it.
Not even when I'm calling people filthy fookin' prawns.
some britbongs do speak with the classic accent, but they're in goverment i.e the prime minister, queen ect
my accent is pretty neutral until i start saying britbong words
Fakking rite it is, you nonce.
Fun fact: My mother has a veneer of sophistication, but she was bladdy well born in Mile End 'orspital and at the least provocation she starts torking like that innit.
When Octavia was just cool and beautiful and I imagined spoke like a little Duchess I liked her, but I wasn't much interested. Since Rainbow Rocks, she is now my favourite background girl. It's orl them wogs cummin ova, innit!
We don't all speak like there's a foghorn lodged in our throats. There are plenty of us with neutral accents, my family being a good example. We're all fairly well spoken until we get together at Christmas and get drunk, and then it's all ROIT PROPER BRITSPEAK INNIT.
It's way funnier if she doesn't look as horrible as she sounds, but I still can't help but imagine her like this, the more of her speech I read.
Oy, ye been lookin' in me fookin eyes a wank-load , Anon. Aye, if I wasn't completely convinced otherwise, I'd say ye fancy me more than the most pompous fag in all a England.
>I'd say ye fancy me more than the most pompous fag in all a England.
what do fags have do with being a toff?
Okay, this shit is starting to turn me on...
I even had a dream Octavia had her ass in the air with her cheeks spread, and she goes:
"OI~ DON'T JUST STAND THER YA SOFT TWAT! SLAM IT IN MY BUM, AND FILL ME WIF YA ARMY!"
wait you guys were all saying were britbongs but you know what fuck that we're actually eng-fags unless you come from Scotland, Ireland / wales I am just going to say all those in the English region of the UK are not britbongs but instead eng-fags so is Octavia with her Geordie / south-east accent fuck you Scottish bastards hogging our cannon
Not even niggers. They have a new way of speaking now. You have to sound as close to a rapper as possible. Allow me.
>"YEH ORLRITE! FAK IT, WHY NOT? I CUD DO WIV SUM FREE GRUB ANNA SHAG!"
Yea boo. Let's do it. Get summa day gudda gudda, and later we can get it in...BEAT IT UUUUUP."
Note how nearly nothing in that sentence could be interpreted as "Okay. Let's go eat, and maybe engage in carnal pleasures afterwards!"
But it instead sounds like a down syndrome monkey talking out the side of its mouth.
I also appreciate you know the difference between those filthy, ebola carrying moon crickets, and black people
wait you guys were all saying were britbongs but you know what fuck that we're actually eng-fags unless you come from Scotland, Ireland / wales I am just going to say all those in the English region of the UK are not britbongs but instead eng-fags so is Octavia with her Geordie / south-east accent fuck you Scottish bastards hogging our theory which could become potential cannon GLORY TO ENG-FAGS GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
This isn't /pol/ moron. Start up some shit like a "General Scum thread" and this shit will get scruffed quick. Use your fucking brain for something more than deciding what reaction image to use faggot
>Yes, very well then, why not? Far be it from me to pass up the opportunity for a little conversation over dinner... and perhaps more.
Yo yeea , very well then, why not? Far be it from me ta pass up da opportunity fo' uh little conversation ova dinner... an' perhaps mo' in the hood
pls write more... I want to see moar britbong Octvia with anon madly in love with her despite all logic... preferably with Octavia scaring/offended the general populous as they go on fancy dates, or Octavia seducing anon with the subtlety and finesse of thrown brick to the back of the head
She had ONE line in the entire movie, and she didn't sound anything like the OP. She's probably the smart classy kind of british, not the bar-going football-watching swearing-every-other-word type british.
It's job seeker's allowance that the unemployed get to make ends meet whilst getting employed again.
Of course, some people only claim to be looking for jobs whilst spending it all on booze and flat-screen TVs.
Scotland should be independent and not getting shafted by David Cameron.
bruv, stop yer moanin you'll get yer devolution soon.
fucking bollocks, WALES GET BACK HERE MATE
oi, choice bit of waifu innit?
UKIP are fucking scum, but the BNP triumphs in racism.
>tfw UKIP will never get a majority government in Scotland
>tfw no feels
LABOUR 4 LIFE MATE
>Implying any of you will be old enough to get this
Sorry Scotland, too busy repaying Celestia for bailing us out for the 9th time...
Everyone was over them by the time the movie came out. Plus they had to cut out the Gary Glitter cameo.
Good thing they didn't have Jimmy Savile in it.
Seriously, how did you Brits not realize he was a diddler sooner? Dude was creepy as fuck!
Alex, whit are ya doing ya fat fuck? Get out o' ere, let me do the workin'.
They got hot off one song, that teenyboppers, and 3dpd filth loved. They created an equally shit movie with NO FANSERVICE. I just wanted to see some scary spice headlights or baby spice underbutt, but noooooo Fuck the spice girls. Right in the douglas pouch
FUCKING GREEN PEOPLE, RUINING BRITTANIA!
Cause of the Spice Girls?
>you blinked your as you woke up
>you had fell asleep on the couch
>the tv just showed silent static
>the movie had been gone off
>you looked down to your side
>Octavia was asleep
>she was holding onto your arm, curled up beside you
>and she looked absolutely beautiful
>you almost felt like shedding a tear at the adorable sight before you
>she looked so peaceful...
>nestled up beside you like this
>besides constantly yelling "You what, mate?" she could be pretty sweet
>you felt her shiver a bit
>it was a little cool, and she did have a skirt on
>you moved your hand to reach for the cover on the back of the couch
>as Octavia started moving, you went back to being still
>you saw her soft, purple eyes open and look at you
>she took a deep breath
>then she lifted her dainty leg as she let loose a long, loud, massive, wet fart
"OH BLOODY 'ELL DID DAT FEEL GRATE!"
>you were pretty sure the couch moved
>your small smile had started to fade
"OI FAAK, THINK AHM GONE HAVETA CHECK MAHSELF"
>she reached her hands up her skirt, and pulled her panties to her knees
>they were cute panties, with a little treble clef on them
"THANK DA QUEEN, I CARN'T BE MAKIN NO MESS ON ME FAV'RIT TWATS KOUCH!"
>she looked up at you
"MOIGHT NEED'N LET DAT AIR OUT A BIT, DOE"
>she must have noticed the look on your face
>she grabbed you in a big hug
"TANKS FER PUTTIN' UP WIT ME, YA BIG WANKER"
>your small smile returned
>she was sweet, deep down
>you felt her hand grab your inner leg
"OI YAH TRY'N UMPRESS ME WIT YA MORNIN WOULD, M8?"
>you cracked a bit of a smile to her
"OH YA WANNA GO 'AVE A GO? LESGO MAKE US SOME BEDROOM MUSIC OR SUMFIN?
>she got up and started to lead you to the bedroom
"LES' GO SEE IF'N I CAN PLAY YER FLUTE"
She's like a female Noel Gallagher. This is perfect.
It was one of those things where he was so creepy, EVERYONE thought it, but nobody wanted to be so rude as to be the first one to ask "Do you reckon Jimmy Saville diddies kiddies?" Because he was so OBVIOUSLY creepy, somebody would have said it out loud already, right?
the CMC are top gear
oh i adore this woman, she reminds me of the hunt!
I know. That's what I love about it.
FUCK YOU I THOUGHT I'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS CHEEKY MOTHERFUCKER WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT THE COCKSUCKING HUNT BUT NOW YOU WENT AND REMINDED ME OF THAT ASSHOLE'S FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT EXISTENCE. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY MOTHERFUCKER!
People did ask, and people did know. But the BBC keep it quiet. Saville was one of their major headliners. When he went to visit Stoke Mandeville hospital the nurses used to tell the little girls in the kiddie's ward to pretend to be asleep so he wouldn't start a conversation with them and get a crafty grope. He also raised a shit ton of charity money for the hospital, and that made him untouchable in the bosses thinking. Nurses were fired for trying to warn people. Shit was fucked up.
Still alive, thread? Have a cartoon.
Less censored version: http://i.imgur.com/eCrRzhn.jpg
>"OY!!! CARNT YOU SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINITS YOU FAKKIN JUNKIE TART! I WOS JUST ABAHT TO GET ME BUM DONE!"
>It sounded like a broken-winded mule bellowing into a bucket.
>You are Anon. You have been dating Octavia for two weeks.
>She's beautiful. Her body is elegant. She's a wonderfully talented cellist. Everything about her says 'sophistication', until she opens her mouth.
>You spend your time together half in awe of her and half squirming with embarrassment.
>At this very moment, she's having what she calls a 'barney' with a teenager trying to serve her in McDonalds.
"WHAT THE FACK YOU CALL THIS THEN MATE?"
"That's a cheeseburger, Miss."
"DID I ARSK FOR FAKKING GHERKINS?"
"We can do it again without..."
"NAH SON, IT'S TOO LATE NOW INNIT? THERE'S GHERKINS ALL OVER THIS CUNT! I DUNT FAKKIN EAT VEGITIPLES, ORLRIGHT! I ENT A FAKKIN RABBIT!"
>He starts to sweat.
"It's really no trouble, to..."
"IT'S FAKKIN TRUBBLE TO ME THO INNIT! I GOT PLACES TO BE, INNOI! THE ONLY GHERKIN I WANT WAS THE ONE I HAD TO STICK IN ME TWAT UNTIL ME BOYFRIEND 'ERE TURNED UP!"
>Everyone looks at you. Their expressions imply Octavia can't help herself and you're responsible for her.
>In an attempt to get her to embrace the more cultured lifestyle your soul insists she should be living, you take her to the Opera. She gazes approvingly around the auditorium.
"Cor! I bet it's good acoostics in 'ere an all!"
>She cups a hand to her mouth.
>It echos round and round the opera house. Some of the other patrons drop their programmes.
"Tavi, please! You promised to be quiet!"
"WELL I EM BEIN QUOIET INT I?"
"Orlrite, orlite - 'aws this?"
"That's good! This is the Opera, it's Madame Butterfly! You're going to love it!"
>She stars cracking walnuts. The opera begins. Octavia appraises it and says:
"There en arf some fat old chinky-chonks on stage int there?"
>She WAS being quiet - for her. But she has this 'carrying' voice. Several audience members shush her. She spins round in her seat.
"Oy! Don't you fakkin shush me!"
"I'LL FAKKIN SHUSH YOU IN A MINNIT MUSH!"
>You wring your hands.
>If only she wasn't so damn good in bed.
I have a fetish for ass licking/rimming and facesitting.
Do my fetish in bong speak next.
>"I SAID IF I CON' PLAY MAH BLOODY CHELLAR I'LL BE SHOVIN ENTIER THANG YAR FOIKIN ASSHOLE, UNTUL YOUR COPHIN UP SPLINTAS YOU GOIDDAM SMEGPOT!!!"
I'm sorry guys but every time I read Octavia's lines I hear a some Irish drunk. I've heard her line in RR but my autism won't let it process. Can one of you please say a few lines in her impression so I can get a good idea?
>Wake up with morning wood
>this takes me from start to finish
Thank you based Catfood
I'm just a friendly russiaboo
>octavia confirmed to be Marika
In case anyone cares, I wrote more stuff for this story.
>Before long, you're in line to order at Joe's Tavern
>Up above the counter, you can see a large menu scribbled out in chalk
>Various pastry-based dishes are listed, all for fairly reasonable prices
>"Yo, 'Tavius," Vinyl asks, nudging you with an elbow. "See anything you like?"
>Scanning through the menu again, you try to find something that jumps out at you
"Well, bugger me dead..."
>A grin spreads across your face as your eyes lock onto one item in particular
"They got Cobbish pasties here! Haven't had one of them in yonks."
>"Cool. I think I'm gonna go with a potato pot pie."
>Reaching into a pouch on your saddlebags, you draw out a small hoofful of bits
>"Here's m'dosh. Mind orderin' for me while I nip off to the bar to fetch the cider?"
>"Sure," she replies, grabbing hold of the coins with her magic
>As you turn to leave for the bar, though, a call of "yo, 'Tavius," sounds out
>You pause, looking over your shoulder to see Vinyl waving at you
>"Make sure you get me a large, kay?"
>Five minutes and two large ciders acquired later, you're sitting down with Vinyl, enjoying a nice pre-dinner chat
>You listen intently as Vinyl goes on about last night at work
>"So then the cops came into the bathroom," she explains, gesturing with a hoof, "and they find Neon there with a bag of Mare Jane."
>Raising an eyebrow, you give your friend an incredulous look
"Wait, wait... THE Neon Lights? Into the wacky backy? Are you havin' a giggle?"
>"Nope. Totes 100 percent true," she states, self-assuredly. "But you won't believe what he did when they found him!"
"Oh? What'd the poor bastard do, then?"
>"Well, he says to the cop, 'hey, I was trying to flush them, but they kept turning up in my saddlebags right after!'"
"Wait, wait... you ARE havin' a giggle, aren't you! I've heard this joke before!"
>Vinyl raises an eyebrow at you, smirking knowingly. "Oh...? Do tell."
>You match her smile with your own before answering
"Yeah. The bobby calls him out on the porky, the druggo offers to prove it, then when the backy's down the loo, he asks, 'so, let's see those drugs pop up in your saddlebags again', and the druggo comes back, 'what drugs'!"
>"But that's the thing," Vinyl counters. "The cop who nabbed Neon knew that joke too."
"Wait, are you sayin' that..."
>"Yeah, dude," she says, cracking up. "Neon actually tried to pull that shit in real life!"
"You're fuckin' joking!"
>You burst into laughter, unable to do much else but struggle to breathe for the next ten seconds
"So... what'd the bobby do to the poor git when he called him out on it?"
>Just as Viny's about to continue, however, you see one of the wait staff approaching
>It's a unicorn mare, toting your and Vinyl's meals above her with her magic
>"Alright then... So," she asks, bringing the bowl and plate down to eye level, "which of you ordered the pot pie?"
>"That'd be me," Vinyl replies, smiling greedily as her pie floats into position before her
>"And the pasty's yours, I take it?"
>Looking up at the server, you give a quick nod
>"Here you go, then," she says, bringing down the plate with your pasty on it. "You two lovebirds have a lovely evening, now."
"You feckin' what, mate?"
>"O-oh, I'm sorry," the waitress says, taken aback. "I... I just-"
>"Chillax. It's cool," Vinyl assures her, calming things down. "But yeah, me and 'Tavius here are just friends. Right, dude?"
"Right, right. We're just... ol' mates, catchin' up over a bit of a nosh-up. Yeah."
>"Of course. My mistake." The waitress bows before taking a step back. "Enjoy your meal, then."
Will probably have more later, but that's what I have for now.
She had one short line in Rainbow Rocks, probably meant to be a little pander to the Tavifags. Instead, I dunno - maybe the script said [English Accent], maybe the director said it. I'm sure they meant cool, upper-class English. But the VA interpreted this as 'do a typical American attempts to do a Cockney ala Dick Van Dyke'.
I NOO SHE WUS STILL TRUBBLE!
>As the waitress leaves, the two of you immediately dig in
>With Vinyl wolfing through her pie at record speed, relaying the details of Neon's ass-kicking by the police between mouthfuls, you take a massive bite out of your pasty
>You catch yourself almost moaning as the flavour hits you, taking you back to the days of your youth
>Swallowing, you breathe a contented sigh as you get ready to take another bite
>By the time you're halfway through your meal, you look up to find your friend's already polished off her own
>Smirking, she watches you, resting her head upon a hoof as you continue munching your pasty
>Swallowing your latest bite, you look back at her sheepishly
"Sorry, mate. I know I'm a bit of a slow eater..."
>"Nah, it's cool." As her eyes wander down to what's left of your meal, Vinyl licks her lips. "Though," she adds, "mind if I help you out with that?"
"Oh, you want a nibble?"
>"Yeah, if that's cool with you."
>Smiling softly, you nudge the plate across the table a bit, towards your friend
"Sure, knock y'self out."
>Raising her knife and fork with her magic, she carves out a generous chunk of the pasty for herself. "Thanks, 'Tavius," she says cheerfully, popping it into her mouth
>Swooning, Vinyl seems to melt into her chair as she chews
>Before you know it, she's already taken a second bite for herself
>You grin as you watch the mare become acquainted with the finest of Cobwall cuisine
"Pretty pukka, innit?"
>Her mouth stuffed, Vinyl can only nod enthusiastically in response
>After she swallows, though, you notice her breathing a little harder than usual
>And you don't remember her eyes being red like that either
>She freezes, a fresh piece still on her fork. "Yeah, 'Tavius?"
"Y'right? Your face is lookin' a bit... dicky there."
>At that moment, Vinyl's eyes begin watering up
>Blackened water streams down her cheeks soon after, her makeup mixing with fresh tears
>Her knife and fork fall to the table with a loud clatter as her magic fades
>"'Tavius..." Vinyl mutters, her breathing laboured. "What... what was in that...?"
"Uh, bloody... carrot, onion, potato, swede, eggplant..."
>"Swede?" She coughs noisily before wheezing. "What's swede?"
"Uh... fuck, fuck..."
>Worriedly, you rack your brain, trying to think of what they call swede in the rest of Equestria
"What's the word... fuckin'... Yellow turnip? Rutabaga?"
>"Rutabaga?" Vinyl wheezes again, her forehoof shaking. "I'm... allergic to those...!"
>With those words, she collapses onto the carpeted floor below
>Giving zero fucks about proper etiquette at this stage - not that you gave that many to begin with - you immediately leap across the table to Vinyl's side in response
>The clatter draws the attention of nearby patrons who begin forming a circle around the two of you, worried but unsure how to act
>Unlike them, however, you decide to actually ask
"Bloody hell! What do I do?"
>Weakly, she tries to reach for her saddlebags
>However, without the focus needed to use her magic, her clumsy unicorn hooves can't manage the buckle
"EponyPen," she squeaks between breaths, tapping her bags
>Frantically, you undo her bag buckles, throwing the flaps open
>Digging out a narrow yellow box, you hold it up to Vinyl's face
>After a quick look at the box, she nods. "Yeah," Vinyl gasps, her breaths becoming more forced by the second
>As you open the box and draw out the autoinjector, she weakly taps a hoof against her hindleg
>Nodding, you pop the cap off before driving the needle deep into your friend's thigh
>Though it seems to do nothing at first, you notice Vinyl's breathing begin to ease after around the twenty-second mark
"Vinyl... you right, mate? Need me to give the ambulance a ring?"
>"Nah, I'm..." she answers, breathless. "I'm okay, I think. Thanks... 'Tavius."
>Relieved, you wipe the nervous sweat from your brow
"Y'had me worried there for a tic. Thought you were gonna cark it..."
>Chuckling in response, Vinyl shakes her head. "It's gonna take more than some wannabe turnip to kill me, 'mate'."
>Normally, you'd feel like laughing with her, happy for her to be taking the piss out of you
>But these aren't exactly normal circumstances
>Instead, you wrap your hooves around her, giving her a firm hug
>Though she hesitates at first, you feel her own hooves wrap around you after a couple seconds
>After a brief embrace, you pull away, getting back up onto all fours, helping her up soon after
>Still woozy from her encounter with anaphylaxis and the effects of the injection, she opts to throw a hoof over your shoulder to help keep her balance
"Vinyl... you wanna head home? You're lookin' pretty buggered there."
>"Yeah, I should, but..." Vinyl groans as she hangs her head. "We didn't even get to have dessert..."
>Rolling your eyes, you guide your friend around with you as you turn to face the main counter
"We'll just have to get it as takeaway, then. Feel like strawberry donuts?"
>Her face lights up immediately in response. "Yeah! With extra sprinkles?"
>Looking into her eyes, you shoot her a broad grin
"You bloody well read my mind."
End of Part 2. Part 3 will be done... eventually. If this thread dies, Part 3'll end up on my Pastebin and on the Rule 63 Thread.
Bin link: http://pastebin.com/mQV82BYH
>Octavia grins with hot lust as she lays back, gripping the bedhead, legs spread wide as she watches your manful, grunting, thrusting assault on her body.
"Oh yer, thas it Anon! Give it to me! I'm a dirty little slut innoi? Yer gunna av to fack me a lot 'arder than that intcher!"
"FAKKIN ELL! FAK YEAH! IM GUNNA CUM, INNIT FAM! OH YER! GO ON MY SON! ALL OVER ME TITS!"
>You oblige her, as her body arches as she is gripped by her own climax.
"GERTCHA! FAK YEA!!"
>That voice... What kind of sick pervert are you?
if she was allergic enough to warrant an epipen, then she should go to the hospital. Epipens only give a boost of adrenaline to allow breathing and regular heart rate to continue, but it doesn't solve the problem permanently. Vinyl's going to die in 20 minutes after the injection after the adrenaline wears off
Good point. I think I'll retcon and rewrite the story, then. I think I can stick with most of my original plot idea while working in a hospital visit.
Thanks for pointing that out, and sorry for failing to do the research there.
Alright, I've done up a retconned version of the last chunk of green in Part 2.
>Though it seems to do nothing at first, you notice Vinyl's breathing begin to ease after around the twenty-second mark
"Vinyl... you right, mate? Need me to give the ambulance a ring?"
>"Yeah, I'm fine, but you..." she answers, breathless. "You should call them. Thanks... 'Tavius."
"Got it. No prob."
>You wipe the sweat from your brow before getting up, turning to face the stunned crowd behind you
"Alright, you lot. Any of you bastards try to ring an ambulance yet?"
>The ponies in the crowd murmur to one-another before collectively shaking their heads
"Bloody hell. Uh... You there!"
>Doing your best to project authority with your voice, you raise your hoof, pointing towards a timid yellow mare in the crowd
>The pony gasps, raising a hoof to her mouth. "Who, me?"
"Yes, you! Go get on the blow-"
>You catch yourself, realising this pony might not be as familiar with your slang as Vinyl
"Er, that is, get on the -telephone- and -call- the ambulance. Right now! My mate... uh, -friend- here's havin' an allergic reaction!"
>You almost feel dirty as the unnatural-sounding words pass from your lips
>Still, if it means saving Vinyl's life, you decide you're willing to tolerate it, at least this time
>The bystander nods, whimpering. "O-okay," she whispers, spreading her wings before floating off to the bar
>With that sorted, you turn your attention back down to the mare at your hooves
"Alright, Vinyl. Help's comin'. Don't worry."
>Chuckling weakly in response, Vinyl smiles up at you. "I'll... be fine. It's gonna take more than some wannabe turnip to kill me, 'mate'."
>Normally, you'd feel like laughing with her, happy for her to be taking the piss out of you
>But these aren't exactly normal circumstances
>Instead, you slip your hooves around her to give her a firm hug
>Though she hesitates at first, you feel her own hooves wrap around you after a couple seconds
>After a brief embrace, you pull away, getting back up onto all fours
>Still woozy from the anaphylaxis and the effects of the injection, Vinyl opts to stay down on the ground for now
"So... you need anythin'? Cup o' water...?"
>Vinyl scratches her chin, pondering for a few seconds. "Actually," she says, her eyes wandering over to the counter, "I -could- go for a donut right about now, dude."
"Righto. You still like the strawberry ones, yeah?"
>Your friend shoots you a grin in response. "You know it. With extra sprinkles!"
Well, I guess it just shows how invested you are in your story that you'd retcon a piece of your story to fit human physiology for a Unicorn. I mean you didn't have to, but thanks none the less
And yes, I'm aware Octavius saying shit like "six bong" to refer to the time is unrealistic. That was done with humourous intent, however, so in my eyes it gets a pass.
You don't have to be old to get it. Even if you were born in the late 00s, and were only remotely culturally aware, you'd get it.
Sorry anon, I just hate it when people reference things with the implications that I will be let out of the joke.
>FAKKIN NOTES EVERYWHERE. BASTARD
I fucking lost it here, partially because I sympathize with her?
And here's a little bit of Part 3.
>Half an hour later, your taxi pulls up at the hospital where Vinyl was taken
>Climbing out of the black and yellow rickshaw, you pass a small bag of bits to the driver
"Cheers, mate. Have a good one."
>The buff stallion slips the bag into his jacket, patting it down once in place
>"You too, pal," he answers, galloping off soon after
>Turning back to the hospital, you trot up to the front door of the emergency department
>Moving through the crowd of unwell ponies, you make your way to the admin desk
>The pegasus stallion behind the desk looks up from his pile of papers, giving you a cold, stern gaze
"'Scuse me, mate. Was wonderin' if I could visit a patient. She just got admitted, I think."
>The clerk blinks slowly in response, unflinching
>"Patient's name," he finally asks, his tone dry and grating
"Uh, Vinyl. Vinyl Scratch. Blue mane, white coat...?"
>"Hmm..." The pony behind the desk looks down at the papers to his right, quickly scanning over them. "Yes, yes... Miss Scratch was admitted ten minutes ago," he drones
>You breathe a sigh of relief, happy that she made it to hospital safely
"So, mind if I take a butche-"
>You catch yourself again, realising just how terrible that would sound to an untrained ear in this context
"I mean, can I take a look at 'er?"
>Almost robotically, the stallion's eyes look back towards you. "Name."
>The clerk scoffs as your name reaches his ears, cracking his emotionless facade
>"The famous cellist? Riiiight. And I'm Princess Celestia." Sharply, he snorts once before resuming his stoic act. "Your -real- name, sir."
"Octavius Treble, you bloody wazzock."
>Growling, you reach into your bags, pulling out an ID card before slapping it down on the counter
>The pegasus's cautious eyes wander down to look upon it, rising again to meet yours a second later
>"Clearly fake," he asserts in his usual monotone
>Suddenly, something inside of you snaps
>Quickly checking to make sure no other staff members are watching, you throw your hoof forward, looping it under the clerk's collar before pulling his face forward towards yours
"Listen here, y'little shit."
>You glare daggers into his soul as you lower your voice to a muffled growl
"Me mate's in there right now. She needs t'see me. So you bloody well tell her Octavius fuckin' Treble is in the building, or I swear on me mum I will hook you in the gabber so fuckin' hard you'll be pickin' y'teeth outta y'brains for a week."
>Twisting your hoof, you apply a bit of extra pressure to the pegasus's throat for emphasis.
"We clear, cunt?"
>Terrified, the pony at your mercy nods frantically. "Crystal," he wheezes, barely above a whisper
>Calming down, you release the clerk from his grip just in time to avoid getting caught by a passing orderly
>Immediately, the stallion-handled pegasus sets about his work, summoning a nurse to check on Vinyl and relay the message to her
>As he does so, you turn around, finding yourself a spare seat between a mare with a cracked horn and a stallion nursing a broken wing
Expect moar tomorrow.
STILL alive, thread? That's bangin' innit! Toime for anuvver cartoon ov our favrite Cockney Geezerette then, innit.
Cum on, Anon - cum and 'av a fiddle!
Boobs? Boobs. http://i.imgur.com/VpxkvFY.png
>"BLOODY 'ELL FOKS WRONG WIF YOU TODAI ANANEMIS.
Are you sure your headcanon won't fuck up regular 'Tavi aswell: when she's having a go at someone, she'll be going "Listen here, ya dopey sod: I'm gonna twat ya 'round th' ears if ye don't give a top-notch performance at this do tonight! If ye fek up yer solo egen, I'll make sure th' only hole you'll eva be able to breathe from EVA EGEN is yer arsehole!"