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>It's been three months since the...
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You are currently reading a thread in /mlp/ - My Little Pony

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>It's been three months since the first incident.
>I keep remembering that pony's dead, cold expression.
>their eyes were removed and their mouth stitched and contorted manually into a sickening, chilling smile
>It almost looked as if the poor soul was struggling to tell me something, staring at me through those deep, empty sockets
>Their entrails were strewn about the floor, intestines stretched out about two meters from the body
>The job was messy, and looked rushed
>the smile was only held together with some pins, and the intestines suggested that the perpetrator had literally flung them across the way
>Whoever had done this was obviously in a psychotic state to go through all the trouble, as quick as it was
>Mr. and Mrs. Cake, the owners of the shop where the incident took place, had no clue who this pony was, nor any connection they might have had
>When I inquired the baker, Pinkie Pie, she seemed explosively distraught and disgusted already at the thought that someone would do such a thing to an innocent pony
>She stated the pony's name was Cotton Sherbert, a relatively new customer and new resident in Ponyville
>Apparently when she introduced this pony to her friend, Rainbow Dash the two hit it off rather well
>Cotton and Rainbow according to her spent quite a bit of time together, it actually made her rather jealous
>She explained to me that:
>"This wasn't the first time I've been jealous of Rainbow hanging out with some other pony, but I've learned from then and I... I wouldn't want any harm to come to such a close friend of... Dash's."
>She had this look of disgust any time she mentioned Cotton's name
>I'd asked the Cakes and they said the only ones home that night was Pinkie Pie
>Of course, I had to take her in for further questioning

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Sure why not.
>I remember watching her enter the interrogation room, still shaking from the earlier events
>she kept tapping her hooves together timidly, looking down at the table
>I started the recording, and began to question her
>"You told me that you were asleep while the events occurred. How can a pony sleep through a murder occurring right beneath them?"
>She looked up to me slowly, and looked me directly in the eyes
>"I-I-I... I-I didn't... I don't-"
>"You don't what?"
>"I-I don't remember anything from last night. I only remember waking up around 2 AM in my bed. I don't remember how I got there, or where I was before then."
>I didn't want to make any assumptions just yet, so I pressed a bit more.
>"What exactly woke you up?"
>"I heard a scream downstairs. When I went down there... I saw Mr. and Mrs. Cake standing in front of C-Cotton's body. I just stood there for awhile before I vomited right there."
>I was still curious about her odd and rather "convinient" memory loss

>"What were you doing before you couldn't remember?"
>She looked up at me then, but looked away again, thinking
>"That morning I went over to Rainbow Dash's house for a sleepover. I remember there were a lot of snacks and comic books.
>"What else happened at the sleepover?"
>I saw her eyes wander a bit, but then it looked like something hit her
>"Cotton was at the sleepover too."
>Now it seemed like things were falling into place
>I've heard many things about this pony, Pinkie Pie, being a nutcase on numerous occassion
>Although tragic, it would not surprise me that she's psychotic
>She continued, "I remember I got into an argument with her about something silly, I think it was about whether or not cheese is good to put on crackers."
>"Crackers?" This was worse than I thought.
>This seemed to anger her
>"W-well, why wouldn't you put cheese on crackers? Are they not MADE for one-another?"
>"I personally like my crackers bland. I don't see the appeal or relevance of cheese in your story, Ms. Pie
>"...Cotton liked her crackers bland too..."
>She started to tear up
>"I don't remember anything after the argument, but I do know that it got so bad that she just left. After that... I'm drawing a blank."
>She began crying harder now
>"I-I feel so ashamed of myself!"
>"And why is that?"
>"B-because *sniff* I n-never got to apologize and sh-she's dead now and-AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"
>She began sobbing uncontrollably
>I heard a click
>The door opened, and my supervisor along with two other ponies in the hallway
>"Sprinks, we're gonna have to send this one home."
>"I'm not done asking my god damn questions."
>One of the ponies, wearing some cheap suit and a cheaper hair piece spoke up
>"Well she's certainly done answering them."
>He probably'd been waiting for that
>Fuckin' fleabag

It's not too slow so far, is it?
>I undid the pink mare's cuffs
>I never saw that mare again
>The bodies kept appearing
>Noone knew where Pinkie went
>Eventually I was able to contact her friend Rainbow Dash
>I met her outside her cloud house
>She was not pleased to see me
>"Mrs. Dash?"
>"The fuck do you want?"
>"I've been investigating the recent murders by the "Cupcake Killer." I believe this may have something to do with your friend's coincidental disappearance."
>"Pinks isn't a murderer. She wouldn't hurt anypony."
>I saw her grit her teeth
>"I was wondering what happened on the night of Cotton Sherbert's murder? Apparently both she and Pinkie Pie were having a rather intense argument about cheese."
>"Yeah. I remember. Cotton was being a cunt to Pinkie."
>"How so?"
>"She started bringing up some shit about Pinkie's past."


taking a break for now

What does /mlp/ think so far?
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Is good
>"Did this upset Pinkie Pie?"
>"No shit it did. What kind of fucking question is that?"
>"Just trying to get all the information, m'am."
>"Don't fucking m'am me."
>She obviously wasn't going to answer my questions if I kept pissing her off
>Might as well cut the crap
>"Where did Pinkie Pie and Cotton go after the argument?"
>She paused for a bit there
>"Cotton decked Pinkie Pie in the face and knocked her out. Then Cotton flew off in some direction, I don't know where she might have gone before ending up at Sugarcube Corner.I wanted to go after her and beat the shit out of her, but then I remembered that she needed to be back at the shop for Mr. and Mrs. Cake, so I took her home and put her in her bed. I went back to my house after that, figured she wasn't worth it."
>It seemed logical enough
>"How was Pinkie Pie's emotional state before and after Cotton moved into Ponyville?"
>She glared at me
>"Pinkie Pie was just fine until Cotton came to town. We'd hang out a bit and talk about the wonderbolts, but she would always talk shit about Pinkie Pie. At first I ignored it, and figured she was just fooling around. It wasn't till the night she died I knew what a fucking cunt she was."
>It appeared Rainbow Dash didn't much care for this Cotton Sherbert
>"If you ask me, I'm glad she's dead. Fucking deserved it, that bitch."
>She was choking back tears, but did it a lot better than her pink friend
>I figured that was all I was going to get out of her
>"Thank you for meeting me, Ms. Dash. This will help with my investigation."
>I left her and went back home, deciding to call it a night
>at home I couldn't sleep
>I kept toying with the possibility that Pinkie Pie was the killer
>There wasn't any real evidence, but something about all this seemed more dubious than it was
>I decided I would investigate the rest of the Pink pony's friends tomorrow
>perhaps I could learn more about Pinkie Pie
>Or about why Rainbow seemed pleased for Cotton's death

end of chapter 1
holy shit I actually reached the character limit with that

This is probably all I'm getting done today.

Any critiques?
i feel like i'm in blade runner or something, like the narration from main character feels like ford's.

And the pace is fine so long as you're up for writing it the appropriate length.
Mystery is my favorite subject, a bump for you
Hey, thanks. This is literally my first published writing.
I'm gonna polish this up and put it on FIMFiction later, but I wanted a little test run greentext to get the proverbial wheels greased up.

I've always wanted a serious, non-torture porn take on the whole "cupcakes" thing.

...Speaking of which, there wasn't any real reason for Sprinks to call the killer the "Cupcake" killer was there? I'll have to fix that when I post this on FIMFiction.
captcha: the edgebrs
Besides cotton was murdered in a bakery, no. One death doesn't really earn it's name as that
yeah what >>19047747 said - cupcake killer is a reputation name, and one death. can probably come up with some clever name though, based off of the conditions oc was found dead

I'm really glossed over the other kills after Cotton's death. They should be a bit more complex each time, and have maybe a cupcake nearby as a calling card.

I'm probably thinking the whole "entrails baked into the cupcakes" thing will come a bit later.
A bump for this intriguing story.
I'm down writing for tonight m8, but I'll make a thread tomorrow and shit out chapter two I guess.

If you have any critiques though, I'll gladly take em.

I'm too tired to spell correctly
>Mrs dash
Because she is my wife already hehehe :)
Thread replies: 20
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