Well, you did it. You made it to Equestria. The promise land. A utopia. A world without strife.
And you hate it.
It nothing like you expected. Things are too different. Not the way they are is the show. For whatever reason, everyday is a living hell to you. You barely get by, with just enough bits to feed yourself and not much else. You don't click with any of the ponies and none of them have gone out of their way to befriend you. Most days are lonely.
To make it worse, reminders of what you gave up on earth are cropping up everywhere. No matter where you look, you see something that makes your heart ache with homesickness.
A mother and her foal? A reminder that your own parents are gone now.
A young couple on a park bench? You see nothing but yourself and your last lover, but know it's not real.
Some laughing friends exiting a late night bar? Pain in your chest, as they all sound eerily like YOUR old friends.
You can't even try to earn your attention, as it seems like every adventure happens too far away, and human talents pale in comparison to magic.
It finally happens. No matter how strong you are, you are just one man. And you are a man who hit his breaking point. You though it would never come to this, but you see the ultimate sin as the last choice.
You prepare to commit suicide. Something totally unheard of and unthinkable in Equestria.
But even that can't go right, as you are happened upon by a pony, who forcefully stops you at the last moment.
Roll with post numbers.
9. Your choice.
dubs = Your choice
(There is already one up, but it's dead. Starting up a new one)
>A young couple on a park bench? You see nothing but yourself and your last lover, but know it's not real.
>Some laughing friends exiting a late night bar? Pain in your chest, as they all sound eerily like YOUR old friends.
Where do you think you are?
>You are anon
>You have been living in Equestria for one year now.
>Life has been hell.
>The ponies think you are an abomination.
>Almost noone has even tried to talk to you.
>They see you as an freak of nature.
>Except for one.
>You sit on a stool,Thinking of your past life.
>Your family, your friends.
>Everything back home,And how your missing all of it.
>You want it to end.
>You want all the torment to go away.
>The lonelyness, the rejection.
>You let out a sigh, knowing its all coming to a conclusion.
''Never though i`d end it this way...''
(English isn`t my native langauge so correct my grammar where im wrong.)
>You stand up to get ready to do the deed.
>You take out your personal belonging from your pocket.
>A wallet containing 3 bits, a picture and your driver`s license.
>Well, now they could identify your corpse.
>Not that you`d care what happened to you after this.
>The rest was a discharged phone, and a necklace you got from your dad when you were young.
>You threw the items next to the tree.
>You let out a sigh as you get ready to stand on the stool.
>You stand on it and grab the rope.
>As you stare through the knot, you cant help and get sentimental.
>A tear makes its way down your cheek as you wonder why it went so wrong.
''There is no going back now.''
>You put your head through the knot and kick the stool down.
>But someone was watching you this whole time.
Be right back,I`m going to grab a beer.
im from holland
>You feel the rope around your neck.
>Instead of choking, you feel yourself floating in the air.
>Held in the air by a yellow aura.
>You say with a hint of anger in your voice.
>''I have been watching you,Even since you came here.''
>You gasped as you saw you were being carried by the matriarch herself.
>''You came here by a force unknown to me, i have been following you since than.''
>She puts you down on the stool and hands you your stuff.
>''I looked at your uh... driver`s license as you call it, your name is anon ins`t it?''
>''I did not know what kind of being you were at first, but i learned you were not hostile.''
''If only the pony`s at ponyville knew that.''.
>''I can understand them though, They do not know who and want you are, They are afraid you might hurt them.''
>You feel your stomach burning with anger.
''That does not give them the right to ridicule me, and refuse to give food, even though i was going to pay for it!''
>You stand up and turn around,Leaning with one arm against the tree.
''How can i live, if i can`t get a job to buy food or shelter.''
>"If only the pony's at ponyville knew that."
the ponies at Ponyville
>"That does not give them the right to ridicule me
>they don't know who and want you are
what you are
Those were the biggest mistakes so far. Yea, some grammatical errors here and there, but nothing too important. It's late and you'll probably be tired so it's ok.
''How can i live, without proper water.''
>Celestia stood up.
>''Maybe i can help?''
>You turn around.
''Help?....How can you help?!''
>You feel like punching a hole in the tree.
''Where were you when i got thrown out of the cupcake corner when i tried to befriend the locals?, Where were you when i had to defend myself from the wild when i tried foraging for something to eat?!''
>Celestia sighed, ''I`m here now.''.
''Oh just great, The princes tries to save me from a life filled with hunger and ridicule...''
>You take a swing at the tree.
>It doesn`t move but now your knuckles are bleeding.
''No, don`t anon me!, Noone was here for me when i needed it, and i don`t need anyone now.''
>You look at the ground,
''I just want it to end.''
>''Death`s embrace will not solve your problems, You will just pass them down.''
>''Why is she trying to help me?'', You wonder.
>A goddess trying to save a lowlife outcast like you.
>You walk away, past celestia.
''Dont try to stop me.''
>''Anon, I will not let a citizen kill themselves, even if it takes force.''
>She calls you citizen, even noone else sees you as one.
>Why is she trying to help you?
''Why are you so interested in me, I`m just a human without any special talents.''.
>''Everyone has a talent, you simply do not know yours yet.''
Well, if you gotta get up early tomorrow you should consider getting some sleep. Stop writing for now, pastebin the story so far and write down somewhere what you have in mind for it, how it will continue. This way you'll get your earned sleep and you'll have the possibility to continue posting tomorrow in the thread (if it still exists) or wait for the next one.
''You are supposed to be all knowing right, tell me what my talent is then.''
>Celestia shakes her head.
>''That is for you to find out yourself, I am sure you had an education of some sort back at your place?''
>You think back, reminding yourself you used to study to be a chef at a luxurious restaurant.
''Well i used to be a chef...''
>''Maybe that is your talent?''.
>You take her words in for consideration.
''Well, maybe you`re right.''
>You still had no place to stay though,And no sanitation.
>Noone is going to hire a chef that smell like wildlife and sewage.
''It`s no use, who would hire me in the state i am now?''.
>''Maybe i can help with that, i am sure somewhere we can use a chef.''
''Don`t you have somepony with a matching cutiemark for that?''.
>''We do but i think you would work faster and have more control over the equipment than the avarage unicorn.''
>"You are supposed to be knowing all, right? Then tell me what my talent is!"
I think it sounds better like this
>reminding yourself you used to study
reminding yourself of how you used to study
Again, for me it sounds better this way
Nicely done. Consider that when you have some free time you can also correct the various errors for a better reading and an overall quality improvement. Looking forward to the conclusion, but as of now I'm heading to bed. So, goodnight mate.
Only criticism - you're too slow.
Celestia's character is pretty spot on, so is Anon's.
Story's looking good so far, where are you taking it (romance/adventure/CYOA)?
Just a tip, don't create adventure's if you're inexperienced or you don't have enough time to plan everything out.
>A reminder that your own parents are gone now.
>You see nothing but yourself and your last lover, but know it's not real.
> they all sound eerily like YOUR old friends.
Ha, I don't have any of these things to lose. I'm immune to your clumsy feel baiting.
wait, no. getting some now. shit.
>Not just finding a way to create a portal to the human world, ultimately leading the humans to either set up trade with the ponies, kill and enslave them, corrupt them, or even spread diseases and human problems that would destroy the pony world.
hoping for dubs or a 9.
Good News - According to many theories, there is a universe where Equestria actually exists.
Bad News - Now you have to figure out inter-dimensional travel.
Good Luck, Horsefuckers
>You sit down again.
>You knew this could be your chance to turn all your back luck around.
''What`s in it for me if i do it?''
>''I am pretty sure we could arrange something benificial for you''.
>You think for a while, Wondering if you should trust her.
>She was a goddess after all.
''All right, count me in.''
>Celestia smiles and nods approvingly.
>''Make sure to gather all your belongings, meet me here in a few minutes and i will guide you to the nearest means of transportation.
''Will the ponies let me use it.''.
>''They will not deny a request from their princess will they?''
''I guess you`re right.''.
>''Now off you go, get your stuff and be here in five minutes''
''Sure, be right back''
>And so it was decided, you were going to Canterlot to work for Princess Celestia.
> Captcha : plemis growth
>You and Celestia walk through ponyville, headed towards the train station.
>You notice the ponies staring you down.
>You hear them whisper.
>''Did Celestia catch that monster.''
>''Thank god the abomination is gone.''
>A purple pony runs towards the both of you.
>''Princess, what are you doing with this dangerous being?!''.
>''You should keep it locked away!''
>Celestia looks at her student.
>''Do you know what he is?, Have you ever observed him?''
>The purple pony shakes her head.
>''No...I-i just heard it-''
>Celestia lets out a faint sigh.
>''I thought you learned to be less judgemental?, This human as he calls himself, is not dangerous being.''
>You interrupt the two as you introduce yourself.
''My name is anonymous, but just call me anon''
>The purple pony looks at the ground, being a bit embarrased.
>''My name is Twilight Sparkle, I`m sorry for treating you like an animal.''
''It`s allright, You din`t know any better''.
>Twilight Sparkle turns to Celestia.
>''Where are you headed towards?''
>Celestia points at Anon.
>''I am bringing him towards the train station, I want him to work as a chef in Canterlot.''
>''I am sure he can be of use to me, And i would love to try his food.''
>Celestia was trying to cheer you up, and it was working.
''I`m not that good, Thanks for the compliment though.''
>''Lets continue shall we, I will be hearing from you Twilight Sparkle''.
>The purple alicorn nodded.
>''Anon, if you ever decide to return to Ponyville, make sure to visit me, I want to make up for treating you badly''.
>You nod and walk further with Princess Celestia.
Good grief, this is shit.
"Wah, I wun kill muhself!"
>C: "I'm here."
"Nah, fuck you."
>C: "I'm here. Let's go."
>T: "Oh no! It's the monster!"
>C: "Student, I am disappoint."
>T: "Sorry. I was wrong."
"It's alright, you didn't know any better."
>C: "You gun be chef now."
>C: "I can't wait to try yer fud."
>T: "Come back some some time. I make you feel good!"
Nobody can write a good Celestia story revolving around Anon and suicide.
''She said her name was Twilight Sparkle?''
>''She is a student of mine, she`s a quick learner.''
''She seemed pretty kind after you talked with her.''
>''I am her teacher, she knows i never lie.''
''So...About the work thing''
>You hesitate to ask.
''What does it pay.''
>You pray that she doesn`t find you greedy.
''Very good question,how about a place to stay inside Canterlot and 35 bits a week.''
>You can`t refuse that offer.
>The two of you arrive at the train station.
>''The next train will take you to Canterlot''.
''Aren`t you coming with me?''
>''Why would i do that?, There is no need for me to use the train.''
>She is right about that.
''Okay,Where do i go after i arrive?''
>''I will pick you up and guide you towards the castle.''
>You nod and notice Celestia teleporting away.
''Oh yeah they can do that.''
>You sit down on a bench, waiting for the train to arrive.
>You play around with an old coin, flipping it continuously.
>You become bored rather quickly.
>You get up and started walking in small circles, waiting for the train to arrive.
>dubble 'your own choice'.
Fuck, for some reason this made me incredibly happy, almost like I'll get there one day.
>The train arrives.
>You hear a loud whistle, followed by a shout.
>You get on the train and sit down on one of the benches.
>They were way to small for someone of your posture.
>You struggle to sit comfortably.
>You try watching through the windows, though they were to low to the ground.
>The bench started to hurt your back.
''Hope this isn`t going to last long''
>An hour passed by, Your back is feeling like it`s being stung with 100 needles at a time.
>You sigh and search your pockets for something to eat.
>You find a peppermint, You forgot you had a pack on you when you came here.
''Better than nothing...''
>You throw it in your mouth and spit it out in a swift motion.
''That was way to old...''
>You are feeling hungry.
>Your stare down the train, wondering if they sold food on the train.
>You see no pony.
''This is going to be a long ride''
>You tried to lie down on the small bench.
>This way you should be able to get a little bit of sleep.
>You wake up after 3 hours, you wanted to ask how long it was going to take to get to Canterlot so you got up and walked to the front of the train.
Starting up AJ greentext. For the sake of ease of reading I will always quote the last part of the story.
>The rain was heavy today...
>No work no bits...
>Looks like you'll have to skip another meal....
>If you can call what the onies eat meals...
>You sit at the table looking out an old rustic window. The Apple family orchard spans out for miles, you recall how you came to call this place home...
>It was just another day of normal ordinary drudgery that you called life.
>The rat race as usual.
>Work was crap, the boss kept yelling at you... Oops you droped that... that'll be another 20$ out of your check.
>On the outs with your girlfriend.... the cheating hussy.
>Your friends were all off doing their own things... Being young parents, college students and the like....
>What if there to do? You flip on the T.V.
>Ahh Ahhh Ahhh AHHH~.mp3
>Yep, you are such a loser that these colorful horses you will never meet are your "real" friends...
"Ayyyy, Sunbutt episode! Let's see who's life she ruins with 1000 years in some hell hole now!"
>Sun butt looked at you as you said that
>She looked kinda perturbed, which is weird since nothing happened yet to make her angry.
>Still looking right at you.
>Episode is playing around her as if she were actually playing her role.
>"Who exactly did I send where?"
>You begin to freak out.
>You begin to head to the kitchen certain you're imagining things
>Door glows yellow and slams shut.
>"I was asking you a question, human."
"Ummmm ahhh uhhh." You stammer
>"And here I was about to bring you into our world."
"What?" You're still too confused to think straight.
>"You have been watching us. Constantly. You have picked amoung our subjects your 'Favorites'. It intregues us."
>"My sister and I. You call her 'Purple Loud'.
"Am I.... Deaming? High? Drunk?" You search for a way to make sense of all of this.
>"You are most certainly not. We are curious about your kind... We would like to open relations to your 'Dimension' but we need to be sure your kind is not.... harmful."
"And you want....me" You hung on to the last word and fumbled it a bit... Still unsure exactly why you of all the fans would get this chance.
>"We do... If you apologize for what you just said. My sister and I are quite happy with how things turned out in that affair."
"Alright.... I'm.... sorry." You choke out. You can't believe you just apologized to Celestia of all ponies... For being an epic bitch.
>"You have played the Persona 4. We know you have... We watched you.... Touch the T.V. like your characters do. We are anxious to meet you.
>She would bring back ALL those feels.... Dammit, I'm sorry Nanako, looks like my roommate will have to save you... I'm going to Equestria.
>You touch the screen.
>It's oddly cold for having been on for hours.
>Everything goes black.
wtf man I'm waiting all the time for the next part
----Into the rabbit hole----
>Man what a dream... Sunbutt was actually talking to you.... HA!
>You open your eyes
>That's a lot of pink.
>Well you could have been drunk, and you can charm a lady with a bit of liquid courage.....
>You roll over to see who you're waking up next to....
>Man her bed must be hard as a rock...
>You look up.
>"You have awoken." Boomed a tall purple shape.
>It comes into focus....Purple Loud.
>"We were beginning to think you might sleep forever." She boomed again.
>You sit up
"Nah nah nah, This didn't reeeeeeally happen."
>You wave your hand at her like shoing away a dream.
>Splop, Your hand is now wet and warm...
>"Eff iff aaah nrrmll hoomn greefink?" Purple Loud looked at her sister quizziclly.
>"Please, remove your appendage from my sister's mouth..."
"Holy sweet mother of Khan...." You stutter slowly as you take in the fact you practically bitch smacked Luna RIIIIGHT in the kisser.
>Smooth. Human pony relations will forever be in your debt that this was your first interaction with ponykind.
>You finally have a look around. You're in some kind of library...
>The walls are weird. Kinda like they grew there or something....
>A purple lizard is skurrying around doing chores snickering like a little dick while you make a fool of yourself.
>"Twilight!" Celestia called "He's awake."
>Purple Smart trots down the stairs.
>"Hi, welcome to Ponyville. I'm..."
"Twilight Sparkle... You're going to give me a run down of life here.... Then I suppose you're to set me up a place and monitor me while I'm here..."
>"Twili.... The princess did say we were a 'television show' in your world..." She stumbled with the words like they were forign.
>They don't have T.V. here... I can deal... I guess.
>Turns out you couldn't, but you won't know that little gem for a while....
>Both the princesses turn to leave.
"Hey, Purp-, I mean, Luna... Let's get together sometime kay?" You make a strained effort to not lose ties to one of your favorite ponies.
>"Maybe. Listen to Twilight for now." She says as she turns to walk away.
>Twilight sets you down at a table with a pen and paper and approxamately 30 books.
>They don't have computers either.
>You walk up to whoever is driving the train.
>You notice a stallion just looking straight ahead.
''Hello, can i ask you a question?''
>''You just did''
''Really funny, How long untill we arrive at Canterlot?''
>''About 3 hours''
>This guy doesn`t like conversing.
>You walk back to where you were seated.
''This is taking way to long...''
You look for way to kill some time, yet there is nothing to do.
>After a long while you arrive at Canterlot train station
>You walk outside and take in how large everything is.
''Now this is something else''
>You eagerly wait for Princess Celestia.
-----Room and board----------
>It'd been a long and trying afternoon.
>teaching you Equestrian history was like teaching a dog to do a magic trick.
>The sun was dipping below the horizen... Clearly vizible between Sugar Cube Corner.
>"Well you know enough to get by at least..."
>Now you look stupid... Great Job anon, batting 1000.
>"Alright, like you said I can't just kick you out and have you wandering around like a bum... and You need a job too.."
>Getting to the nitty gritty, c'mon Purple Smart Muh Sheckles.jpg.
>"I've aranged for you to do some farmwork. They'll have a room for you and everything."
>Farmwork?! NO WAY!
>"All you have to do is tend some fields, pick some apples...."
>SCORE! Queue Best pony in 3...
"maybe some foal sitting...."
>"some mantainance on equipment...."
>Clop clop clop
"Ah there she is now."
>Twilight opens the door and the best pony is standing there sure enough.
"Howdy Twi, how you been?"
"Oh pretty good I suppose. U just spent the whole day trying to teach Anon about Equestria..."
"Y'all don;'t mean ALL about Equestra in ONE afternoon do ya?"
>Twilight looked chastised...
"Aww c'mon it aint that bad. Where's this Anon I've heard nothin about?"
>As excited as you are you can't get your head more than 3 inches off the table...
>Books man..... Books.
"Maybe it was that bad... You O.K., Sugarcube?"
>Applejack just called ou Sugarcube... You could just melt.
"I think...no, I'm beat..."
>Well let's just get ya to yer new home.... Kay?
"Sound good..." You look up at her and smile.
>You get to your feet and start walking out with A.J.
"He's your problem now!" Twilight half laughed.
>You never considered she may be serious...
Got a family dinner... Ill post more later.... Also if you want to proof read them and paste bin them for me... that's be great.
This green text brought to you by Big Macintosh...
Totally this. The worst possible thing you can do is try to end fastly a story. Just keep calm, take your time to think and relax. If you can't come up with something just do some other stuff for a while and come back later with a fresh mind. There is no time limit so use all you need of it.
Other than that, 'till now the story is very enjoyable.
>You walk a bit further.
>Exploring the city a bit coulnd`t hurt right?
>What could possibly happen when a strange being would walk around a major city.
''Everything is so big and fancy here''.
>You looked at some shops, you wanted to buy something to eat but you don`t have any leftover bits.
>As you walk through the city you can`t help but notice the ponies talking about you.
>But you din`t care, at least not anymore.
>''Oh here you are Anonymous.''
>Celestia appeared behind you, causing you to startle.
''You have to stop doing that or i`ll die from a heart attack''.
>''I am sorry, but please follow me to your new home.''
>You nod and walk beside her.
''This place is pretty big, how do you manage to find your way around here?''
>''I usually do not leave the castle, But living here makes navigating easy around here.''
>Your stomach growles a little to loud.
>''That is an universal langauge, Lets get something to eat.''
>You nod eagerly.
>Other than that, 'till now the story is very enjoyable.
Good to know you guys are still enjoying it.
When no one says a things it`s hard to say if they enjoy it or not.
Critisism is till very helpfull though!
>I like it
it's detailed you even described how the chairs are to small for him which I liked a lot
you can tell the story very well and the details help to create a more complete world with lots of elements
Though in the train he searches for food but in canterlot he has no money
You should have added it was too expesive or something
uff I'm not good at telling people what they are doing good I'm good at telling what is wrong and so far there are no major mistakes
so you got a pastebin ?
----Livin ain't free----
>Getting to the far was a bit of a trip, the Apples needed a lot of land for their operation which meant you had to cross a lot of it to get there.
>A.J. Showed you to a large barn that looked near the end of it's career.
>"We were gonna tear this bad boy down and put a new one up, but the one we want to put up is a ways down that path... When Twilight asked if I could house anypony I figured I'd just leave it up..."
"Well it's a roof and 4 walls right?"
>A.J. looked at you kinda sideways.... She didn't know how to take that remark.
>You could tell... Damn your mouth...
>The two of you entered through the main doors.
>A thick layer of dust covered everything.
>Looking around you could see a broken tractor, a couple old looms, a busted up chicken shed that was in the process of being repurposed, but the thing that caught your attention was the lift.
>It was an old pneumatic thing that looked big enough to lift a full grown pony the size of A.J. to what was once a generous hay loft.
>You followed A.J. to the thing and got on.
>She pressed the up button and the old thing sprang to life
>PSSST Zreeeeeeeeeeeeeen pkompf
>It sounded like it was dying just under the weight of the two of you alone.... You wondered how long it had been since it was used to lift the huge hay bales you assumed it was used for.
>Then it came into view. Your new living space... complete with.... half a bed frame, a matress, a well worn table and a well there wasn't much else.
>You moved around the space a bit... It seemed kind of superfluous for the accomadations.
"Uhh A.J.?" You asked
>"Most people call me Applejack." She replied. "What is it?"
"where'm I supposed to... you know..." You made a few universal mannerisms for relieving one's self.
>"There's a bed pan in the corner."
>A bed pan... a friggin BED PAN?! C'mon you watched the show enough to know they have bathrooms...
>"I know it ain't much but I know where y'all c'n buy furnishing on the cheap..."
"And hey I'm gettin paied to work... can't be worse than my last job..."
>"Didn' they pay ya to work?"
"If you can call peanuts pay..."
>"What'd ya do?"
"Food service..." You said with a shudder.
>"Well y'all're workin in food production now." She seemed to stress the word production as someone who believes in twhat what they do will when having discusses something less important prior.
"Yeah. When's...." You stop yourself... You were going to ask when dinner was but you realized with how reserved A.J. was with you it might not be a grand idea to invite yourself...
>"When's what?" She askes
"Work." You reply.... critical success. Maybe you can make it up in second impressions... Right?
>"When that sun comes up I want y'all down there in the orchard." She paused. "Twilight didn't feed ya did she?"
>"An Y'all're outta bits too I rekon..."
"Hard to fool you huh?"
>"Come on down for supper... I can't have ya starvin ta death before ya even start work now can I? She said with a slight smile
>She smiled at you! WIN!
>as the two of you took the lift back down you were wondering what was on the menu.