It's my birthday and I feel like starting a shitty thread

Haman is hot and I guess some people find it uncomfortable to self-insert as Char.

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>>12090923
Why wouldn't you want to self insert as the most handsome child molester in the Earth sphere?

Is Char the most handsome man in the UC timeline? Remember, there is an objectively correct answer to this question.

Haman is fucking hot and more importantly, Judau is fucking shredded

>>12090918
Of course you can't understand the complex emotions of newtypes since you're not one.

I however am a newtype that supports and understands this pairing.

>>12090918
>sex goddess pairing with sex god
I don't see the problem

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>>12090949
I don't think they belong with each other mentally. "Oh yes, this kid who kicks people in the balls and can eat an ice cream cone in one bite is the perfect man to constantly pump me full of babies and father my children and become the future co-regent of Zeon."

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>>12090918
Because Haman deserves to have a boytoy.
Lady's been through a lot of shit at this point.

Not that it necessarily has to be Judau.
He's actually kind of a twat.

>>12090918
/ss/

>Capcha: Biddy

YES SHE IS CAPCHA, YES SHE IS.

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>>12090963
She has Marshmallow though. State Puff was a buff and handsome dude.

um, happy birthday?

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>>12091001
Man, this isn't about me. This is about why a punk ass 14 year old thinks he is worthy of Zeon's greatest pussy.

Thank you.

>>12090918
It honestly makes a lot more sense if you accept that at some point Haman was as naive and idealistic as CDA shows her, and that the reality of growing up deeply involved in the politics on Axis turned her bitter and hateful. It also makes more sense if you consider that she probably knew from the beginning what Leina realized: that few if any of her faction were actually loyal to her. Mostly what they cared about was power, and they treated Haman's agenda as a means to distinguish and advance themselves.

With that in mind, Haman seems more like she wanted something from Judau that goes far beyond "romance": either sympathy, or at least understanding. Maybe she wanted someone like that with her because she liked being reminded of what she once was, and what she could have been. Or maybe she was just playing the role of tempting him with power to see him reject her.

Hell, maybe she didn't even consciously know what she wanted herself. But I have no doubt that love, romance, and sexuality had nothing to do with it. At best those were mere pretext.

>>12090918
Shredded dude fucking some sex queen?
It's just like my late night cinemax!

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Man, how can Judau not be gay.
He passed up this.
He passed up Elle
He passed up all the imoutos.

>>12091024
If she wanted all that though, why did she reject Kamille in Zeta?

>>12091036
Haman is not into girls.

>>12091032
Buttt he did screw Roux enough times to populate an entire colony

>>12091045
Roux was really butch, maybe he could close his eyes and imagine it was Lino.

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Obligatory.

>>12091036
My guess is that she was too absorbed in both what she was doing at the time and in the possibility of getting Char back to really pay Kamille any mind.

That and Kamille wouldn't have reminded her so strongly of her younger self.

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>Haman will never elope with Judau away from all conflict shortly before the final battle, giving rise to the Glemy Century

>>12091072
I..want to watch that

>>12091050
>Dressing up her boytoy as her ex

Haman has Issues with a capital "I".

>>12091032
Jewdough took one look at her proportions and getter'd the fuck out of there.

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>>12091099
What is wrong with Haman's proportions?

Cause /ss/

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>>12091115
Absolutely nothing, if you can get over the fact that they're attached to a jaded, rather brutal dictator.

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>>12091050
"Haman, do I have to wear this?"
"Well yeah, I mean that is why I gave it to you."
"Has this been sitting in your closet for eight years?"
"Judau, that's not a question that you're supposed to ask. The only things you're supposed to say when I'm giving you a blow job in this manner are 'You filthy Zeon bitch, I hate you' and 'Oh god, Lalah, please forgive me.' Do you understand?"
"No. I don't understand at all. Also, do I have to wear the helmet?"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS IF YOU DON'T WEAR THE GODDAMN HELMET?"

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>>12091125
She's also a single mom, you douche nozzle.
Moms are tough.

>>12091125
But is also attached to a very lonely person who just wants companionship, and the genocide outweighs the fact that she is a broken thing I want to fix.

I'm a horrible person.

>>12091032
there isn't a vomitchan appropriate enough for how fucked up that drawing is.

Reminder that Haman can win the Judaubowl in Gihren's Greed if your alignment is lawful enough.

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>>12091134
Judau would not make a proper father to Mineva. He would teach her how to steal things, which is most unbecoming for a princess.

Also I don't think Judau knows how to properly set up a car seat.

>>12091164
Mineva looks pretty similar to Puru.
So Judau would use her as a meatshield in a dangerous situation.

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Hamnyaan

>>12091183
Well then. Somebody is sleeping on the couch tonight.

>>12091132
Dysfunctional char and haman is the best thing in gundam

>>12091229
That's Haman with her boytoy Judau, not "The Dysfunctional Aznables"

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>>12091298
In "the Dysfunctional Aznables" Judau would be the poolboy that Haman is coming on to, to an uncomfortable level.

Char eyes him suspiciously. Not because he cares about Haman, but because he saw Judau eyeing the silverware.

>>12091325
He's sees him in a gundam once and instantly took a disliking. Haman is constantly trying to cover up her failed attempts to hit on judau but char is more concerned with him being a feddie

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>>12091345
>Haman, I got in early today becau- Why are you naked?
>Oh. Hello, dear... It's laundry day.
>Fair enough. If you're going to do laundry, could you take a look at my mustard coloured sunday suit? I think there's a spot-
>Don't open the closet!
>HA! I KNEW IT!
>...Hello, Mr. Aznable.
>Dear, I can ex-
>Just like feddie scum to be creeping around here, spying on us Spacenoids! So! What are you going to report back to your Titan-overlords, boy?
>No, you've got it all wrong.
>Quick Haman! Take a deep breath. If he feels threatened, he's probably going to gas us!
>Sir, I'm from a colony myself.
>So you'd sell out your own people. You disgust me.
>Look, I've been sleeping with your wife, okay! Why do you think we're both nude?!
>Haman? HA! A likely story!
>What's that supposed to mean?!
>Shush, dear. I'm interrogating the feddie!

>>12091413
Guys. Guys, I'm not going to lie but I would watch the ever loving fuck out of this. Oh god it makes me so happy, and I am so ashamed.

>implying the would ever get married though
>unless it was a shotgun wedding and rohypnol stored in an earring was invovled

>>12091413
>HAMAN WHY IS THERE A BOY IN OUR YARD HALF DRESSED?
>Char i....um....he is our new gardener...
>no no you pink headed clutz. He is obviously a spy, i can see the gravity pulling him down
>We are all being pulled down by gravity
>EXACTLY!!!!!

>>12091483
>>implying the would ever get married though
>implying it's not all a Neo Zeon propaganda sitcom written by Haman

>>12091501
Technically he was sort of living in some kind of matrimonial situation while he was raising Mineva with Haman.
Well at least Haman seemed to think so, because she handled him like a deadbeat husband that walked out on her.

Plus, I doubt Haman would paint such an unflattering picture of herself.
It's most likely the work of Neo Zeon Underground satirists.

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Boy the way those Purus obeyed
Colony drops that caused a massive tirade.
Newtypes like us we had it made,
Those were the days.

And you knew who you were then,
Feddies were girls and Zeeks were men,
Mister we could use a man
Like Zeon Diekun again.

Didn't need no Federation state,
Gravity pulled down their weight.
Gee our old Zaku sure ran great.
Those were the days.

>>12091501
>haman writes fanfiction of her and char
>barely anyone reads it
>has a blog that ranges from crying to get him back and bitching about him
> mineva finds it

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>>12091493
I'm picturing Judau working in the garden, topless, sweat glistening. Meanwhile Haman is sitting on the veranda, nursing an ice tea and eating him up with her eyes.

>It's so nice to have a man around the house again!
>Aren't you married, ma'am
>Well, my husband is very negligent. Most of the time he's just zooming around with that autistic kid. I feel quite lonesome when Mineva is at school.
>I'm sorry to hear that.
>Oh, but now that you're here, I'm sure we'll find a way to pass the time.
>Like clean the yard? Because that's what you're paying me for...
>The yard isn't the only thing in need of attention, boy.
>What? Like the backyard too?
>Judau! That's dirty!
>Well, I expect.
>But you've brought the right tools.
>I... Are we still talking about the yard?
>What makes you think otherwise.
>Your hand on my crotch.

>>12091578
Woah woah woah. No. No way. Haman would never go for anal. As a citizen of this board and the esteemed anime community in general, I will not stand for it.

>>12091578
>i need a mans touch
>what like a medical condition?
>yeah give me my medication
>well I'm no doctor but i could go get sayla or someone from whitebase to help
>no wait i mean
>don't worry ple can stay and work
>puru puru what needs doing?
>*shakes fist* newtypes

>>12091595
Judau being extremely thick towards people coming on to him is pretty much canon.

>>12091587
I couldn't think of any other suggestive stuff that involves gardening.
Maybe trimming the hedges... But that isn't even really sexual.

>>12091603
Not the only cannon thick thing about him

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>>12091520
I love you, anon.

>>12091578
I think we have at least 5 episodes of the "Dysfunctional Aznables" around /m/ by now.

>>12091709
You mean "Married with newtypes "

>>12091709
Let me write the two part finale special that involves Haman getting a positive pregnancy test and it guest stars Sleggar Law as an OBGYN.

>>12091595
I imagined Ple coming out of Judau's toolbag while he's scrambling to get Haman a doctor. Adorable.

>>12091716
Kamille should be Char's adopted son, too. Gives us a "very special episode" when they introduce his autism. Banana can bond with his girlfriend's special brother to show what a nice guy he is.
Char: "I guess you're not that bad if you can hang out with Kamille..."

>>12091726
She then proceeds to divebomb into a the pile of leaves that Judau previously raked up.

>go on /r9k/
>"gender role reversal" thread
>pics of Haman x Jewdough
I should have guessed.

>>12091726
She'd always appear just as Haman is about to get some. It'd be implied haman got with her sometimes instead and a new one had to be made

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>>12091724
>Sleggar
>not Yazan

>>12091731
>dam it I dropped my gunpla and it broke, bloody gravity
>*char with tears in eyes* i knew you were my son

>>12091749
I'm not sure which child it would be but now I want
>fatherly pride.png
after one of them goes off during a physics class on gravity

>>12091731
I like the idea of Sayla and Amuro being recurring characters but no idea who their kid would be. Maybe none and Haman gets jealous of Sayla's success without kids

>>12091744
Why would Yazan want to look at vaginas all day when he could be out killing perfectly good Spacenoids?

>>12091762
Their adopted kid can be Kai who crashes on their couch from time to time and nobody knows how to get rid of him.

>>12091771
No he'd be Amuro's drunk friend always just about to break his big story. Meanwhile Char and Kamile are constantly on little schemes

>>12091762
Yeah, Amuro and Sayla are that wealthy neighbors couple that buys a lot of shit cuz no children.
>>Sayla: "Oh, Haman, dear. You MUST go check those delightful sales at AE! I just got myself a new Powered GM. They'll even throw a custom paint on top!"
>>Haman: "That's interesting, Sayla". *eyes her old by now Qubeley*

>>12091785
Hey man, that Qubeley has gotten Mineva to many violin practices, and one time it took them on a road trip across country to see the Grand Canyon.

"I just don't want to lead this car in the wrong direction, Haman."

>>12091785
>char you said you'd buy me a new custom
>i was going to but apparently that red one wasn't good enough
>not everything has to be red or gold
>......lalah like gold and red
>WHAT

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>>12091793
Haman loves her old Qubeley. But that dang Sayla keeps switching GM's every goddamn year. It makes Haman a bit jealous.

>>12091762
I see them as really successful DINKs.

I imagine Char tries to outdo Amuro with Christmas lights everywhere. I also imagine Char trying to give Banagher a talk about sex and why it's bad to bring more Zabi's into the world.

>someone makes a thread asking about Haman/Jewdough
>turns into /m/ speculating about a domcom with Char and Haman
sasuga /m/

>>12091838
All of the lights are red, and he winds three strands together so they'll be three times brighter.

>>12091843
I hope this becomes Cop Drama part deux. I really do.

>>12091762
Special episode where where Amuro admits he is jealous of char for having children

>>12091838
Everyone thinks char just doesn't want bananas or anyone touching his daughter but really he just doesn't want more zabis

>>12091847
They flash so quick everyone just gets a bad head

>>12091850
And Char is like "You know neither of them are my actual children and I don't actual have kids? Right? Kamille doesn't even look anything like me."

>>12091850
They end up adopting banana+judau and Char gets pissed they live even closer now

>>12091859
>>Amuro: "Yeah, but they're just like you where it counts. In here. *Amuro points at Char's heart*
>>Audience: "Dawwwwwwww..."
>>Char: "Yeah, I suppose they both hate gravity"

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>Haman in the sexiest lingerie she could find
>Waiting for Char to come back from a long day of sabotaging Old Man Hymem's plans for a cushy retirement
>Ends up slumped over her desk with the lamp on at 4am, completely wasted on Scotch
>Record player in the background loops one line of the mood music she picked out
>Desk is covered with animal crackers and crumbs
>Decides to drunk dial Judau
>She passes out before Judau gets there, and he tucks her into bed while she mumbles incoherently

All this talk about Kamille as Char's kid but honestly he strikes me more as that really naive intern at work who looks up to Char for some dubious reason or another

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>>12091904
>animal crackers

>>12091785
You mean they're the Dinks then? Double Income, No Kids?

>>12091921
Yup. She's a resident in a big hospital and Amuro designs mobile suits at AE.

>>12091935
What does Char even do for a living?
There's not much money in writing rambling screeds about mothers and gravity.

>>12091904
>next morning
>ahh I've see you've gone for light clothing. The best way to escape gravity
>Haman can't figure out how to react

>>12091908
What if, what if Char actually had a kid. What the fuck would name it?

>>12091940
He's a teacher at the local highschool. He teaches (very biased) history. Gets him in trouble sometimes.

>>12091940
He sits around doing nothing but watching a version of jerry springer with Bright as host all day trying to get his book published

>>12091946
Laleh

>>12091952
Meanwhile Haman is a high powered lawyer and a partner at Karn, Gato & Garahau.

>>12091946
CA-01 he'd ask the doctors to make it a custom

>>12091940
Char is a politician. Can we call Zeon Deikun's ideas the left ones?

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>>12091940
I had the idea that he might be a teacher at some highschool, where most of the other AEUG members work too.
Bright as the principle
Emma Sheen as the strict homeroom teacher.
Reccoa as the biology and sociology teacher, that's prone to go on gender related rambles.
Henker on P.E.
Also groundskeeper Yazan.

Char bullshitted his way into teaching the special needs/troublemaker class with Kamille, Katz and Judau's gang in it.

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>>12091940
>There's not much money in writing rambling screeds about mothers and gravity.
Says you.

>>12091966
Is the firm's motto "We did nothing wrong"?

>>12091850
That's where Chan and their illegitimate baby THATFUCKINGT come in anon.

>>12091981
>my face when Mineva ends up in his class
>my face when he has to chaperone her prom
>my face when he catches her making out under the bleachers with Banagher because he was hung over and fell asleep under the bleachers
>my face when I have no face

>>12091981
nah Yazan would be the P.E techer violating the students with medicine balls

>>12091994
I thought they'd stay original and just go with Sieg Zeon and claim they're of German descent.

>>12091994
The firms motto is "Your ideals are as important as your justice."

>>12091940
Obviously Char is a failed former astronaut; his disastrous career at NASA prompted a lifelong preoccupation with gravity.

>>12091966
I love this...

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>>12092000
Here, Kamille can do it for you.

>>12091946
Haman would be fucking unbearable pregnant. I cannot imagine a woman like that and on top of it her hormones are all unstable. People would seriously be murdered.

Time to dig through the archives
Unless someone made caps

Scirroco would be a millionare playboy philanthropist, inviting everyone to his swinger parties including underage mineva & banagher

>>12091981
> groundskeeper Yazan.
Brother and sister are natural enemies. Like earthnoids and newtypes. Or earthnoids and spacenoids. Or spacenoids and spacenoids

Dam spacenoids! They ruined everything!

>>12092049
Trimalchio's dinner?

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>>12091520

>Didn't need no Federal state...

Still, that's pretty great.

>>12091981
>Well children, tomorrow is career orientation day again. Where you'll no doubt be told that you can become whatever you put your mind to. But that's a big, fat lie! All of you are predestined by whatever's in your pants! Got a vagina? Well I hope you like housework or getting paid half the wage for twice the work! And if you do manage to have a decent career, say a highschool teacher, get ready for a life as a lonely spinster. Men will find you intimidating or will try to take advantage of you! That's a fundamental fact of life! You're a walking uterus!
>Ms. Reccoa, Principle Bright would like to speak to you in his office.

>>12092055
>I'LL VIOLATE YOU
>YOU STUPID CLOGGED TOILET
>HOW DO THESE KIDS CLOG THESE INDUSTRIAL GRADE TOILETS ANYWAY?
>VIOLATE

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>>12091578

You might say Minerva's mom has got it going on?

>>12092047
Caps of what?

>>12092071
I wouldn't be surprised if someone puts MS. PENIS ENVY all over her chalkboard before she comes in. And extra emphasis on the Miss.

And what about Nanai? Maybe she should be a school nurse or something.

>>12092078
All the posts that got deleted.

>>12092081
Oh god. And Char would always come to her with made up injuries so he can flirt with her and she's like "You're married, and besides you know I'm dating Frontal."

>>12092075
>Implying Judau was intending to sex Minerva then
You sick freak.

>>12092087
And Frontal should be Char's lost twin.

>>12092091
No, the better thing would be to have Char and Full Frontal never in the same place at the same time. And keep dropping hints that Char and Full Frontal are the same person. Then the bigger reveal that they both hired each other to be their body doubles for certain "things."

>>12092091
He'd be his successful uncle that would always turn up with bigger better stuff than Char. he'd also have his "special friend" Angelo that Minerva would always ask about

>>12092102
Great.
And Gyunei should be a last-grade pupil, who is allways in conflict with sports teacher Rezin Schneider and Hathaway.

>>12092088
google cream lemon black cat manor

>>12092107
nah angelo would be the pretentious classmate jealous of banagher getting all Frontals attention

>>12092127
How would Angelo even feel about Char?

>>12092107
He would also have a creepy obsession with Banagher, always asking Mineva if she could invite him everytime he is visiting

>>12092102
>Full Frontal is Char's stage name when he moonlights as a male stripper

>>12092137
Angelo would both hate and admire Char.

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>>12092116
...I don't think I want to. Call me a pussy, unless there's a sad panda link for it.

>>12092102
Full frontal would be Chars split personality, everytime he switched he would become less of a raving madman about gravity and instead be calm and philosopical
he would also keep trying to convince banagher about his ideas to the point of obsession

>>12091966

Every time I think of Cima in a business setting, I always flashback to the motchie doujins.

>>12090918
I love how in this picture it looks like Judau is tripping balls and Haman is really uncomfortable with the whole situation.

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>>12092169
There must be some Breaking Bad jokes about Char and Gyunei/FF and Angelo/FF and Banagher

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>>12092080
>Ms. Sheen: Lets welcome two new members to the class! Leina comes to us from Ms. Emary *cough* slut!… while Judau was taught by Ms. Reccoa (makes a drinking sound).

>>12092247
She drugged him in an attempt to get him in bed. Judau just ends up tripping balls and making a pile of "junk" to sell and Haman has to please herself

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>>12092244
>Hey Cima why haven't you gotten married yet?
>I'm just an old hag nowadays, who would want to sleep with me?
I have never been more angry at doujins that do this.

>>12092306

Oh I'm not talking about those doujins. The ones I'm referring to are a little more.......extreme

>>12092244
Aren't those the scat ones?

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>>12092327
Shit. Literally shit.

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>>12091966

This ends with Garahau refusing to blackmail a house of orphans into selling to a impatient developer, doesn't it?

>>12092342
Nah. Cima deals strictly with divorce court.

>>12092330


Yes. THOSE doujins. Motchie ruined Cima.

How could anyone bring themselves to look at those?

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>>12091132
>The only things you're supposed to say when I'm giving you a blow job in this manner are 'You filthy Zeon bitch, I hate you' and 'Oh god, Lalah, please forgive me.'

>>12092458
There's as many fetishes as minds in this world.

>>12091413
Oh god this is too perfect

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>>12091493
>no no you pink headed clutz. He is obviously a spy, i can see the gravity pulling him down
Too much

>this fucking thread
This is why I love you, /m/

>>12092495
>So what is the name of this so called gardener?
>Uh... I forgot to ask actually, what is your name?
>Judau, how could you forget? You were at the supermarket eying those cucumbers like you were really hungry or something when I asked if I could help you find anything?
>Then all of a sudden you say there is something I can help with by tending to your garden since it's become so overgrown and wild you aren't sure if you can handle it anymore.
>Hmm, I see.
>Dear please it's not-
>And what are your thoughts on gravity young man?

Why are /m/ derails the best thing?
Like that one time where a thread derailed into people discussing if gundam was a pizza delivery series instead

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>>12092570
Putting Gundam characters in any other setting always makes for the best threads. It's basically writing Gundam-San

>>12092558
>And what are your thoughts on gravity young man?
>I'm... indifferent?
>A likely story. I'll be keeping my eye on you, Earthnoid.
>I'm from the colonies.
>I can't believe that actually worked, Judau.
>I'm sorry, ma'am, but how does he FUNCTION?
>He doesn't... not when it matters, at least.

>>12092570
Then Amuro is the cook, Sayla is a manager, and Char is a delivery man on a red Chevrolet Corvette C1 (Akio Ohtori-style).

>>12092591
>I have one more question for you
>Oh great
>What are your thoughts on the color red? Do you think it makes things 3 times faster? Is gold a tacky color? Does one have to drop a colony to teach humanity a lesson?
>That was more that one questio-
>I'm the one asking the questions here, now answer yes or no?
>Uh, what was that last one?
>Just answer.
>Yes?
And then Judau doomed Amuro.

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Haman is old and busted.

>>12092602
Bright would be the bitter rival burger company from across the street. He especially hates their delivery boy Sleggar who flirts with Mirai

>>12092602
Dude
It has to be seen to be understood
https://archive.moe/m/thread/11482844

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>>12092609
Can I just have a Puru then?