>>7683835 I posted this one bit of flash fiction here in the summer about a guy killing the CEO of the Dr. Pepper Snapple group as revenge for marginalizing Mr. Pibb with Dr. Pepper. I'd post it again but I never saved it.
Things started out kinda weird, and then they started to get wacky, and then all hell broke loose, and before you know it things were flying everywhere, and there were all these ironic twists of fate, and one guy you'll never guess, and another guy woo boy, and so but then there was this one guy right like in the corner, and he wasn't doing much of anything at all, no sir, and everybody knew at that moment that there was nothing in their pretty little heads or their tiny little tummies that were digesting last night's meal's supper, that there was anything wrong with this picture, el-em-en-oh-pee.*
* And there's something terribly sad and banal about that.
I listen to anything made by Red Letter Media every night so I can fall asleep. I've been doing this for 3 years... I know every bit of Mr Plinkett's reviews and I laugh everytime like it was the first time, specially with the commentary tracks.
Not a single person who knows me know anything about RLM, not even the SW reviews.
A guy who is so autistically capable of understanding the emotions of a person based on his acutely-sensitive perception of their minor facial muscle movements and changes in iris dilation and breathing patterns and so on meets a girl who he just can't read at all and is intrigued by her and eventually falls for her after finally being able to appreciate the "woman as mystery" thing which he keeps hearing about but he is so aware of how people give emotions and so on away and how embarrasing it is for them that he makes every possible effort to conceal his attraction towards her as they talk and walk around together without expression or without communicating any desire or attraction and subtly the girl says something about a guy they pass and he realizes right at the end after he and the girl have parted because of minor circumstances in routine that she had the same ability he does and was equally as scared and worried and that he knew this not through perceiving her outward expression but by seeing the guy they passed before conspicuously expressing the emotion the girl had suspected him of feeling.
the day before I move out of my house I have a sudden memory come out of nowhere of my dad waving his dick in my face when I was 8 years old. ask him about it the next day in the car ride but he just looks at me with disgust. don't talk to my family for two years. Meet up again for my sister's birthday at an Italian restaurant and we all laugh over chicken parmesan.
>>7683835 I've just realized that no, I can't . And there's something terribly sad  and banal about it.
 Can't is the opposite of can. It expresses an impossibility, like playing tennis while sleeping.  Sadness is the opposite of happiness, like remembering you can't anally fist yourself with your tennis racquet.
I had a female friend from a very rich family and jokingly thought to myself that she's the most american person I know (I'm from eastern Europe). So after a few irony-saturated self-conscious jokes regarding her cinema addiction, need for attention etc, (I also had the feel that DFW would've been disappointed with my sense of humour) one day I thought that she'd fit as the only person around to eventually pick up tennis classes. Needless to say, the next day she came up to me and said how her parents signed her up for tennis.
...and she dropped the following month because she couldn't keep up with TV serie releases and other stuff because of it.
>>7685362 -using 100% of your time effectively is impossible -I get my reading suggestions from here -interesting discussions do spring up here from time to time about works I have read Idk desu, it's a time killer
Trying to impress the literary establishment with a cynically and sarcastically formulated novel full of shallow academic references, even telling everyone it's a joke in the title, and getting depressed when it actually works and everyone treats you like a god.
>DFWean Applying for a retarded child care job at your local recreation center.
>Wallacean Applying for a retarded child care job at your local recreation center and having, like, an itchy ass crack from the bad wiping of 1-ply toilet paper and the smell of urinal cakes and the last dribble of brandless dispenser soap stuck in your nose and the smooth sax in the waiting room giving you a dull headache.
>Wallacesque Applying for a computer repair job and having like, a bad resume with only "English Degree" and "Landscaping" on it without any real sources or references and but so you know you really don't stand a chance to be hired but you sit and wait while the old Jewish man behind the desk reads it his face turning more and more into a grimace as he works down the page and like you just have to sit there and wait it out.
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