I consider myself a fairly grateful, humble, hard working and generally well rounded individual.
I am 23 years old, have worked an office job for five years, and owned my own house for two.
I have always aspired towards becoming a writer, in the same way a 5 year old wants to be an astronaut, or a truck driver.
I have never considered myself a true writer, and do not hold my work in high esteem.
Regardless of all this, in the last six months I have been becoming increasingly depressed within my life, specifically, with my job.
This caused my to put my house on the market for renting out, so I have the option of leaving my current job.
I originally thought I could do 2-3 days a week at a cafe, and spend the rest of my time finding my voice, and working towards being able to make a living doing something that I actually want to do -- but the problem is, I'm becoming depressed at the fact of working in a cafe before I've even started -- like I'm somehow better than that.
I feel like, in my head, I am some special snowflake who shouldn't have to have a REAL job, because I'm so much more important than the regular joe blow...
Have you ever experienced this, as an aspiring artist? How did you get over it? What did it cause you to do?
I'm 19 years old.
I am handsome, smart, athletic and virile.
I have a novel that is in it's final editing stage, and a creative writing professor at my college has read the first draft and thinks it's saleable.
I have a girlfriend who is confident, articulate, playful and spontaneous.
I have a small group of interesting friends from different social and academic backgrounds, and I also have many other acquaintances who see me as a reliable source of humour and good company.
Both my parents are alive and in good health.
I have no regrets.
I have already experienced three existential crises, the latter of which was described as having the depth and profundity of a man twice my age.
I am a passionate lover, a sharp thinker, and a trader of witty repartee.
I am not self-pitying, meek or needlessly humble.
I will live a good life at your expense.
This is my problem.
I want to get out of this mindset.
I know how better much better off I am compared to a lot of my peers, and am trying to question why I, all of a sudden, am feeling better than everyone else, in thinking I'm above just being a cog in a machine.
Actually, if you can pull off 2-3 cafe work days in a week and then write the other days, you are already doing way better than me and I'm still chasing the dream.
I guess it really comes down to that we are all going to die one day and we don't want to die with regrets - so even if some things feels miserable when you are working towards your goal, I think in the end you would feel a lot worse if you didn't.
Just do it.
Also, first time I'm reading this pasta but it makes a valid point even if it is supposed to be a joke. Noone pulls this shit off flawlessly
How the fuck do you own your own house at 21? How much money do your parents have?
More constructively - my experience working minimum wage jobs is that, if anything, it leaves you with less time and mental space to devote to intellectual pursuits in your spare time than working a "good" office job. But I've not worked in a cafe, and if you can get part time then maybe it's a whole different scenario.
In answer to your question, I kind of relate to the feeling you describe but any time I've had the time, money, space etc. to devote myself to something other than meaningless work I've found that I end up listless and depressed and not actually able to work on the projects I had planned. It seems to me that some sort of daily routine is pretty important for living healthily. Good luck.
As I said, I've always been a hard worker.
My parents were fairly affluent before I was born, but when I was around 4 or so, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 3 months to live -- which lead to us losing pretty much all of our money in trying to beat his illness. good news is that he did -- he is still alive almost 20years later, but it drove us pretty much into bankruptcy.
From the age of 15, ive had weekend jobs, giving my parents $90 p/w rent, and was a pretty decent saver.
I had always clashed with my dad, as he had a lot of control issues, and when I was 20, and shit finally got to boiling point, there was a big commotion, which I won't go into, but, basically I pushed him to the ground, grabbed my wallet, keys, and left.
I slept on friends couches for around 6 months or so, when I figured, since I had around $60,000 saved up, that I should find my own place. I've always thought renting was crazy in this economy, so I decided to buy.
If you're at all interested, my relationship with my parents is good now. My dad will never be out of the blue with the cancer, and was recently put on Medical grade Ice, biologically killed and reborn by the doctors, but has made an outstanding recovery, and is pretty much back to normal again (though he can never go back to his old job, and isn't qualified for anything else)