What is the worst thing about his writing?

He is so ugly.

I just want to slap his fucking face.

Hate him

Chewed up cheerios soaked in cum

>>7660733
That 5% of all threads on corporate /lit/ are about it.

>>7660733
That's it's better than yours

>>7661367
>That's it's
>in /lit/

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>>7661367
>that is it is
well maybe your's

>>7660733
>this cuckold likes the mountain goats
fuck. Now I'm going to think of his shit writing every time I listen to them.

>>7661367
>That's it's

It seems like you speak from experience.

>>7661395
At ease soldier, the mountain goats are no longer the best kept secret of folk. It would be a shocker if someone hadn't heard of them by now.

The manufactured prose.

>>7661621
anything Will Oldham related is fairly safe from plebs these days now that pitchfork stopped gobbling his nuts

>>7660733

Most people hate him for his pretentious characters, I think, but what really annoys me the most is all those fucking forced metaphors he adds on every single page. "If people were toilets, she was one with a seat-warmer." It's all terrible.

>>7662308
Shit, that's a pretty good one.

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>>7660733
It's popular.

reads like a Hallmark card. dated ironic dialogue.

>>7660733

It exists.

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His pro rape views.

>>7660733
who the eff is hank

>>7660733
The fact that's it's written for kids.

>>7661657
How do you tell what good prose is?

The female characters his self inserts are always pining over.

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>>7662646

>>7662646
Wow, is this real?

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>>7662683
>I realized that I didn't make a mistake. I was made of mistakes. People are made of mistakes. This is what people are made of. Remember that people are made up of stars, our own celestial bodies, what comprises others incredibly out of reach yet twinkling in the distance, preconceived and premature, and yet we ourselves are made of the same cosmic dust-to-dust. Always remember, also, the universe was made by accident. And it all makes sense, because she is my sunbeam.

>Hannalore Annelise wore makeup like wood glue. I was the qawky, gangly teenager, with limbs like freshly washed baby carrots, starting at square tile one of the high school entrance. I had a stack of books the size of two Infinite Jests and a paperback The Girl With Curious Hair. I was looking her, dead, in the eyes.

>"Why are you speaking to me, Jonathan?" When she spoke, she made it a breeze. When others spoke, I only heard wind. And yet, when I spoke to her, I talked to the wind.

>>7662711
please dear god tell me this isn't real

>>7662711
I have a feeling that if I ever tried to write something,it would come out like this.

>>7661688
>P4K
>"the most trusted"

>>7660733
He looks like he's 40 and 16 at the same time

>>7662646
He's right about that, though.

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>>7662768
You know what not to do, then.

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he smeared shit all over a much better book by a much better author

>>7662703
Yup

>>7662845
Write a book with pretend feels and pretend philosophy for whiny white teenagers and become filthy rich?

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>>7660733
THAT FUCKING QT LIKES HIS BOOKS AND NOT MINE

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>7662711
>The Girl With Curious Hair
>The

Good ruse until that spot.

>>7661657
>manufactured prose
As opposed to... intrinsic prose?

>>7662697
why is he so bad? Self-indulgent insecurity is like his universal theme

>>7662898
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Does anyone who reads widely actually want to be involved with a John Green's fanbitches? I mean if you did you just have to lie about his books and curse the patriarchy for them to open their blue-dyed bush to you

>>7662711
>I was the qawky, gangly teenager, with limbs like freshly washed baby carrots,

I don't get the baby carrots thing. Someone please explain.

Haven't read any of his books but he's definitely a piece of shit and I hate him.

>>7663663
saved

>>7662833
He thinks and writes and talks that way too.

>>7662838
Not at all.

>>7663593
There is nothing to get. That's what separates John Green from proper literature. He chooses his metaphors, his descriptions, his characters, everything, to maximize quirkiness and differentness. I won't ascribe originality to him.
It's all skin deep, there is nothing more than what you read on the page.
>>7663592
kek I would never. Last time I fucked a bitch who liked John Green, I was 15.
I was statutory raped by a John Green fan, kekity

>>7663803
looks like peanut butter m8
Does the cuck meme have anymore basis than him being a beta on twitter?

>>7662711
What's wrong with this?

It's poignant and a semi-relatable coming-of-age novel. Maybe a bit mawkish at times, but certainly credit is deserved to some extent.

Maybe you just wish you could write like that

>>7663810
Go to bed John.

>But Augustus, he was different. Oh I'd known boys who read a lot. Really I did. It was obvious though how reading books and feeling sorry for being so white and so deep was the only things these guys had going for them. Pity is what they wanted. Self-pity, pity from others, and the sort of sad, sorrowful books that justified making their lives into one long pity party [...] Not that these guys had any reason to feel sorry for themselves. They didn't have cancer, they hadn't had a leg amputated or a tumor removed or a heart broken without the prospect of it ever being fixed. Augustus had, and that's why he was different.

He's describing you /lit/

>>7660733
>metaphors and pretentious
those 3 words sum it all up

He actually unconsciously promotes mediocrity and shallowness of the scene he's part of, while thinking he makes some sense to adults. Some people never grow up. The fact that a grown man, A WRITER, can enjoy Twilight unironically tells you something.
I bet he takes himself super seriously and brags about his books and like, rents a house or an apartment in Paris or Rome looking for some divine inspiration as if he's Keats or Joyce and tries hard to befriend writers and poets but comes off as corny and worthless to all of them which in turns drives him to create a disdain for poor artists and real literature.

>>7663810

That right there is the freshest of pastas. Fucking perfect JG simulacrum. Great skill on the part of the original poster of it.

>>7663876
Actually he lives in Indianapolis. I've seen him around but didn't talk to him because I hate his shit and I don't want to be fake friendly or an autist and sperg out at him.

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>professor puts on a John Green video
>mfw

>>7663928
>>7663241
Agreeed haaerd thb brotha agehha chuhggggggg

>>7663831
He's describing feeling better than other people. Maybe just indulge in your own sorrow and try not to belittle others?

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>>7662711
>And yet, when I spoke to her, I talked to the wind

>>7662711
Thanks for the keks anon.

>>7663928
He had some good videos! Wow I just connected the dots, didn't remember it was him.
Yes, he's not all that bad. :shy:

>>7661367
are we being ebin trolled again

Can we replace Louis CK with his guy? He's a bigger cuck

>>7663831
What is Green (through Hazel, since none of Green's protagonist would express a view he disagreed with) trying to say here? That unless you have an external tragedy in your life you can't feel real, according to Green, self-hatred and self-pity?

>>7663928
>THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS

this isn't real right

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>>7664439
welcome in

He writes for modern children. I don't know anything about his personality or values but he writes for modern children.

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>>7664446

>>7662646
>favorited

>>7663810
>can't tell if serious or in on the meme

>>7661367

Is this the birth w/r/t an epic new meme?

>>7663916
THROW HOT COFFEE IN HIS FACE NEXT TIME YOU SEE HIM. TELL HIM /LIT/ SENDS ITS REGARDS

>>7660733
Really it's just low quality trash. There is nothing insanely bad about it.

What is bad is his attitude towards his own writing, which is independent of the writing itself. Stephen King writes much better than John Green, with much less pretension as well. And what's funny is that even though I'm reading nothing but literary fiction now, I still enjoyed the times I spent reading Stephen King, and would like to one day finish reading everything he's written. I would even recommend King to someone who wanted to learn how to describe small New England towns, however limited that would be. I would not recommend John Green to anyone for any reason.

>>7662646
he's actually right about this though. people who lampoon Twilight are almost exclusively total retards who think Harry Potter is good literature.

>>7664506
Except whether your point is true or not, that isn't the point he made. He's essentially saying that criticizing Twilight just means you hate love stories, or are just contrarian.

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>>7664446
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfBwb4I8wWk

How teenage and uncomplicated it is.

>>7663831
He's projecting.

>>7664525
My work colleague, who sits next to me, speaks EXACTLY like this guy and watches the Green Brothers on one of his monitors every lunchtime. I called Benedict Cumberbatch a "cuck" recently and he hasn't spoken to me much since.

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>>7664446

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>>7664446
>>7664525

My major issue with John Green is his narrative voice. He tries to sound like a teenager but (particularly in TFIOS) it reads how Green speaks himself.

>>7664564
not familiar with him why is Benedict a cuck

>>7664632
He's pro-refugee, pro-feminism, and was raised by wealthy parents and schooled at the most expensive schools in the countries. He is a patronizing, egotistical fool.

>>7663880
He didn't say that. Learn to read.

It's reliance on cliches and stupid pretense.

>>7664462
>>7663880

Oh okay, you're right. After reading the rest of the comments in this thread, I've decided to take the bandwagon effect as syllogism. His writing is actually shit, my mistake. Popular consensus has showed me the error in my ways.

Would it also be possible for you to delineate the types of personalities my favorite authors shouldn't have - so that I can more accurately decide the quality of their writing?

Many thanks!

>>7660733

>Go to Kenyon College, a place renowned for its English Department (basically invented New Criticism)
>John Green gets famous
>Now it's the only thing the admissions department puts on the flyers.

I hate this man.

>>7664506
But m80, Twilight is shit. You clearly haven't read it. The writing is piss poor, and poorly edited to boot. The characters lack depth, and somehow she doesn't even flesh out the main characters to any meaningful degree even though she had thousands of pages to do so.
You're either being and edgelord or you are dumb enough to be a John Green fan. Anyone with taste knows their shit.
And before you accuse me of being a Harry Potter fan, I'm not.

>>7664564
Your colleague emulates the speech patterns of a poorly edited youtube video?
>triggered

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>>7662872
that's the one

>>7664632
>>7664636
So basically the reasons are /pol/-tier shit.
I get you don't have to be pol to hold those beliefs, but doesn't make him a cuck.
The education stuff is the most /lit/ lifestyle there is, and most writers /lit/ considers good lived lifestyles like that.

>>7664664

Hey, fellow Lord/Lady. You're right. Did you know John Green (00') majored in Religious Studies at Kenyon College?

>>7664660
>my favorite authors
>implying

I'm being 100% unironic when I say this: go back to tumblr

>>7664660
Take your passive-aggressive cunt behavior somewhere else. Either defend your point like a normal human being; don't, knowing that it wouldn't matter anyways; or fuck right off, you condescending, arrogant piece of shit.

>>7664660
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vifYelSTlMo

>>7664664

>Kenyon College

Isn't that where DFWalrus gave his water speech?

>>7664844
You need to learn to control yourself, stop it

He is smart though.He just sticks to the formula he knows is gonna sell. I read the shit in our stars and I now think he knows his books are crap, but solid gold crap.

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>>7662308
>If people were toilets, she was one with a seat-warmer.
I definitely remember this one in LfA.

>>7662711
I know this is bad because it's very similar to the stuff I used to write in middle school.
I'm glad I gave up. At least I still have my dignity unlike this faggot.

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>>7663810
Hey John, how's it going?

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>>7660733
That you are forced to read it in Highschool.

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I'm most disappointed that he's actually well educated in the Humanities yet writes such drivel. He's well-read and I've heard him make some great insightful comments on Ulysses for example. But he hero-worships DFW more than nearly anyone else, and seems to sincerely believe ridiculous things like writing YA is following in DFW's footsteps, it's needless pretension to try to write prose at a certain level, etc. Just goes to show that a good education on paper won't make you a good writer or able to objectively critique your own work.

But he's a multi-millionaire internet and book star, so he can do whatever stupid shit he wants I guess.

>>7662308
oh shit, top kek

>>7664525
this guy is a pedophile

he will be arrested in time.

grimes have my babies

>>7664506
Harry Potter was written by a woman, though, which shits all over his point as well.

>>7663663
good job, actually kekd out loud

>>7665382
Different anon but trade it for GoT, Martian or some other shite book. He's wrong that it's sexism but is right that the people that mock it often have shite taste.

>>7665369
I reckon he could be a better writer if he challenged himself and actually tried to write a meaningful novel, but he took the easy root of making YouTube videos and writing YA because that's where the money is. Can't say I blame him.

>>7665401
Except he never said that, read it again. He would never say anything of the sort, because he is one of the main beneficiaries of people's shite taste. How is he gonna make a living writing YA novels and then come out advocating for complex works of art? He'd be pissing all over his own corn-fla—I mean, cheerios.

I've read two of his novels, LfA and FioS. He is no DFW, first of all. Pale King is better than anything he's written. He's not terrible and his books are geared towards YA readers, and he will forever stay there.

>>7665423
I'm not agreeing with Green's point but the first anon. The first anon said that those who criticize that book often have shite themselves which I find to be true. Green is an idiot and none of his points make sense, especially blaming mysogyny for not liking that crap book.

>>7665408
I mean, his first real attempt at a novel was solidly YA. It was decently successful but he could have tried to branch out, it's not like Rowling where it blew up and she just had to write 4 books to be a millionaire in a few years. It's not just that he doesn't challenge himself, it's that he firmly believes that he's doing meaningful work, or the best he could. Maybe it is the best he could but it's still shit.

>>7664525
>listens to Neutral Milk Hotel once

>>7660733
There's nothing wrong with his writing.
His audience on the other hand, I find them to be a bit annoying sometimes

Is that the cuck guy from the meme?

>>7665573
Yes. He let his wife ride the cock carousel for a few years before settling down with him when he became rich.
He also thinks casual sex is like eating cereal or something. 20 dicks in his Cheerios before he eats them?

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>>7665624

>>7665907
This is some of the worst reasoning I've ever heard of.

>>7665907
He's thinking that the world operates in vacuum. That women can engage in riding the CC without any repercussions.

He's ignoring the:

>emotional damage that comes from countless emotionless sexual encounters
>dampening of sexual significance
>possibility of sexual diseases
>the reputation of being "easy"
>the erosion of pair-bonding
>the fact that women can get alpha widowed


Plus if she fucked like 90 dudes and none of them cared to stick around and commit to her...clearly something is wrong with her.

>>7665907
Does he do it for the money or is he actually a genuine cuck?

>>7665966
He does it to justify marrying a girl who rejected him repeatedly and only dated him after he got famous and also because he makes the mistake of pandering to sjw types

>>7663856
That's only two words, anon. You're pretty dumb.

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>>7666005

>>7665961
>>the erosion of pair-bonding
>>all these other posts
You'd think it was the task of the youth to question the ideas of their parents, not to copy-paste them

>>7660741
Yeah, honestly he should just kill himself.

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>>7666043
>You'd think it was the task of the youth to question the ideas of their parents, not to copy-paste them
Post this on /pol/ and see how they react.

>>7666078
That's /pol/'s whole shitck, you massive pleb. It's the leftists who do as the media and adult generation tell them to.

>>7664501
Underrated post

>>7663810
To address your post, it is *valid* but is that the goal? Adolescence is just an age-- he could have constructed a character with better eloquence and articulated the inner-world of the teenager with better poise and complexity, even if it is in first-person.

>>7666190
As other people have said, it doesn't really sound like a teenager, it sounds like a 40 year old pretending to be a teenager. If you want to write a teenager in first person, look to Catcher in the Rye.

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>>7663810
>>7666190
>>7667792

>>7662711
saved

>>7663916
I'll send you $30 on paypal if you verbally abuse him to a script of my choice next time you see him (& record it)

>>7663916
>>7664494
This. Make us proud.

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>>7662711
>People are made of mistakes. This is what people are made of.

>>7662711
No fucking way. Is this for real?

>>7665966
He does it because he wants to sell more books(to females) and his youtube channel is a wholly liberal take on History so his male fans wont take offense to him being a cuck anyway.

>>7662711
I wish the infinite jest thing was real.

>>7668632
Post the next best pasta of 2016 fag

>>7663928
Hey, I got that same sticker on my dildo and it hasn't killed me yet.

>>7669019
lewd

>>7664920
He did! In '05.
If only John Green got a degree in '05, he might have become a better fuckin' writer.

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>>7660733

his cuckness

>>7669859
That's so depressing, what do girls get out of that? Is it endearing to imagine themselves so idolized or are they repulsed by a dude that's so beta.

Probably both and some more nonsense.

>neverchange <3

>>7664446
i want to kill myself

>>7664446
Jesus Christ

>>7669881
>That's so depressing,

No it is not you pleb, it's basic romance

>>7669859
he hooks up with her later though

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>>7664446

>>7663805
Does any of the cuck memes have any basis?

Like, i've actually seen people argue that cuck can be used for someone with liberal views.

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>>7669979
He's very adamantly against "slut shaming" comparing sex to eating breakfast cereal in that it shouldn't matter how many other people have eaten cereal when you eat it.
He was a self admitted beta orbiter to his wife throughout highschool and college and she only started dating him after he got famous.

Not a cuck per se but he is beta as shit

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>>7664525
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it0EYBBl5LI

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>>7662711
>the size of two Infinite Jests

>>7670640 (OP)
>Paper Towns

I remember opening up Paper Towns in a drugstore to see if John Green was as bad as the memes declare. Being sold in a drug store, I was suspicious right away, but I gave Paper Towns a chance which, as it turns out, it did not deserve. I read about 3 pages, standing there, in the span of a minute or two because the prose is so desperately vapid, and I am the first to admit I am normally a slow reader. The text was mostly dialogue, poorly written dialogue at that, about a collection of black santa dolls with undertones of racial morality and "social justice". The grasping nature of the author for depth and relevance was overtly apparent and, in a state of revulsion, I shut the book. I did potential readers the favour of hiding it behind some 50th rate thriller by the overrated Steven King and stood there stupefied...mortified by the fact that not only do authors feel compelled to write this drivel, or worse that publishers actively seek out such writers, but it gets published, printed, and sold in staggering numbers. Hiding one copy of this terrible novel behind another book would accomplish nothing. The literary world is clearly in a state of rigor mortis, propped up by publishers that wave it's dead arms about to attract readers.

https://books.google.com/books?id=UzqVUdEtLDwC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+fault+in+our+stars&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi7jK6Iq-bKAhUE6x4KHdzBAUIQ6AEIJTAA#v=onepage&q=the%20fault%20in%20our%20stars&f=false

Judge for yourself

>>7663592
Yay, I got laid after pretending to read one of his books to impress a girl. 8/10 would do it again

>>7663663
I've been listening to his podcast with his brother (and have been considering stopping), in the latest one he explained that he eats his cereal not with milk, but with water.

This surely invalidates anything he has to say on any matter.

vaguely pedophilic tones that come from a man writing about the hipster teen he wished he was

I don't hate Green, but I do agree with both of these. Especially the dumb fucking metaphors.

>>7662308
>>7665369

>>7664525
god i wish i could meet her

halfaxa and visions are absolutely inspired masterpieces. shame about art angels though. it's vain navel-gazing trash.

>>7665926
It's a metaphor.

>>7674382
she's one of us
not really that interesting
never really understood why people want to "meet people"

>>7666005
He was friends with her in Chicago in 2003 and they became engaged in 2005, a month after his first book was published.
>When Green was twenty-six, he met Sarah Urist, who was managing an art gallery in Chicago. She had been three years behind him at Indian Springs, and they became reacquainted through the woman Green was then dating—Sarah’s sparring partner at a boxing gym. After Green and the girlfriend broke up, he and Sarah started a friendship with a large epistolary component. “We e-mailed back and forth for a year and talked about everything,” Green said. “It was one of the most invigorating conversations I can remember having.”
>Green (whose last name was then Urist) met John Green when they both attended the same preparatory school in Indian Springs, Alabama.[4] They became reacquainted eight years later in Chicago, when Green began dating Urist's boxing partner; after they broke up, he became friends with Urist.[3] Urist became engaged to Green on April 22, 2005,[4] and the two married on May 21, 2006.[8] They have two children: Henry and Alice.[3] In his videos, John Green often refers to his wife as the "yeti", because she was talked about frequently in his videos but, by her own request, was not shown on camera during them.[3]

god why am i looking this shit up

>>7669881
dude one of his 'major themes' is how idolization in romance is fundamentally flawed.

>>7660733
I look quite a lot like him. No wonder I'm not popular.

>>7669859
Hurricanes aren't a type of rain.

>>7669019
top kek

>>7675613
i'm so sorry.

Why do all of these threads start with the same picture of this cuck.

Why the fuck has this board only been about Ulysses and John Green for the last few months. I miss actually getting recs and ideas from /lit/

>>7671129
thanks for the great pasta, Ignatius

>>7664664
*Used to be renowned for it's English Department

English major here breh, the place still has some good professors, but it hasn't produced any innovations in decades. And fucking P.F. Kluge is our resident writer...

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>>7662711
>When she spoke, she made it a breeze. When others spoke, I only heard wind. And yet, when I spoke to her, I talked to the wind.
Why does this sound so broken?

>>7677852
I don't even know what he is trying to convey there, other than being pretentious as fuck.

>>7677860
I'm assuming it means :
>she made it a breeze
she was a cool, confident talker

>Others spoke, I only heard wind
He doesn't listen

>when I spoke to her, I talked to the wind
She doesn't listen/his words are lost on her

But it just sounds so strange, almost uncomfortable to read

>>7668632
Post it, I'll do it if it's good.

That it was written by John Green

>>7677874
It's because he's a simp.

>>7677852
>>7677860
>>7677874
This isn't real. It's copypasta.

>>7660733
Ice never even read his shit, but his youtube videos are enough for me to hate him.

>>7677917
yeah, it was copied into the millions of books of his that have been published

>>7665435
LfA wasn't really that bad; well-written for the most part, with semi-relatable characters. Top-tier YA tbqh (I know its an oxymoron).
On the other hand, TFIOS was possibly the single worst book I'v ever read.

>>7677920
It's literally not in any of his books. Nice try b8r anon.

>>7677936
>>>/r/books