Proof read/thoughts? http://pastebin.com/SNrW8PU6

its good, write more, get even better. Anonymous boards aren't a place for decent critique.

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>>7659363
>its good

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It's a'ight.

If you're writing this for some sort of assignment you should be just fine, but if you're taking this seriously, I guess all I can say is keep writing.

There were a few points where i thought your sentence structure was strange. How you set up your compound sentences for the most part worked well, but in a few points it felt like you were putting too much into one sentence, and your long dependent clauses seemed to contain more important information that the sentence's base.

I'm kind of peculiar about sentence structure and specific words, however, so you can take that with a grain of salt.

Just keep writing. Try different things, different tones, etc,

>>7659323

Post this in the critique thread
Also, didn't read

>>7659323
Where's the /ss/ m8?

Was this /based on a true story/?