>Have never held a proper job in my life. >Should be studying for three finals. >Have instead passed the whole last week reading books, watching obscure animated films and occasionally working on muh nobel. You know I had an interesting realization going through all this cool stuff: much of it had a ton of heart and a lot work behind it, and it's not like I couldn't appreciate it, but still much of it failed to truly move me; you see most of everything actually doesn't get to be as good as people envision it to be, most of it is a fluke, no matter the genius involved. Now I understand it, failure is certain. I feel as if I can just burn through all the wealth that came with my birth and have no regrets about it, that maybe I can really start living without fear now that I've accepted death.
I live in a small village in San Diego. All I do is work full time in a crappy warehouse. Only have like 200 dollars a month after rent and phone expenses. Look like a communist because all I can afford is Dickies . Whenever I'm off I'm reading or playing guitar. I smoke maybe gram of weed a month I get from a coworker. I would smoke more but again, I have no money. That's my one vice and if I didn't have that I probably would have killed myself by now.
I don't really communicate with anyone. I visit my parents in LA maybe once a month. I am here because I lived with my sister before, but she has since moved and I stayed here and got a place. The most I see the community is getting groceries, sitting on the bus or the break room at work.
I hope to find happiness too. Right now happiness is visiting the Self Realization Fellowship in Encinitas, sitting on the cliffs with closed eyes for hours. I would call it meditation, however, there is no practice. Neither do I follow the teachings of Yogananda (though I am impressed by hos autobiography). If there is a practice it's my writing and music. I don't wish to share it.
It's been this way for a year now and there is no end in sight.
Working full-time, abroad no real friends, a girl that doesn't want me, but that I truly love. I get some consolation from /lit, books from the library, currently also watching the. Wake up @4,browse lit, shit post write. Work at 8, finish at 18, eat, write, watch animu, write, go to sleep at 1
>>7643302 Are you the same guy? I'm sorry brother, going to make a really controversial suggestion (why I'm making suggestions to someone I don't nt know I don't nt know) have you considered quiting weed?
>>7642927 Yes my friend, I consider myself to be if not in the same boat, then at least one made by the same laughing manufacturer. I spend my day writing, reading, or editing but I am not totally NEET as work very few hours a week in some wagecuck position. Find yourself a part-time job and there, inundate your employees with tirades that reveal your literary merits. I do not exaggerate when I say I have developed what one may consider a group of avid listeners who express legitimate disappointment when I take days off.
If you want approval or attention, you can do as I do and find your reward there and although at times you may wonder if you are being heard to kindle amusement and ridicule, find solace in the strained expressions which will reveal the sincere enthrallment in your wagecuck followers. Be wary though comrade, if a female is among those followers, be wary not to succumb to the temptation of delivering to her what she is willing to receive after hearing your mesmerizing words. Stay true to the Lord and my brother, you will receive an abundance of the fruits you have earned.
>>7643585 >Is marriage a better option for females in general? Indeed it is brother. A woman's purpose is prepackaged in her conception for she is satisfied in reproducing so naturally, a spouse is more appealing to her than it is to a man who has climbed beyond the simplicity that allows a man to derive satisfaction from such a common practice.
You can find your special female friend, and you will excuse me for having assumed that you were beyond that desire. Enjoy the special female friend if only to see that your isolation is far more fruitful than the company of a special female friend. You will see that the banal pleasures she is able to offer pale in comparison to the variegated fruits that the masters of antiquity so magnanimously provide through their immortal works. It is a fine day when you come to realize that to masturbate and return to your reading is far more beneficial and productive than to suffer the company of a special female friend after the desire is sated and as she looks at you expectantly wondering if you will make a good father. It may sound silly now, but the company of books is simply superior to that of women (girls of course, are a different matter, but I assume that that is no more feasible for you than it is for me).
But go on and play around a little with some females, just know your books will be there for you when you're done.
>>7643674 >You will see that the banal pleasures she is able to offer pale in comparison to the variegated fruits that the masters of antiquity so magnanimously provide through their immortal works
Idk mayne, most people who enjoy these variegated fruits (academics, scholars) usually have a pretty set life in other aspects, as I had already mentioned.
They're usually well reputed professors and such, or PhDs whose parents are proud of them.
I haven't seen enough failed academics who are happy to be confident about how enjoyable philosophy is in the long run (although it's great in the short run).
Of course maybe that's because people who read philosophy at home all day read philosophy at home all day. Absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence but then the armchair philosophers I do come across (ones that are more social) seem like feckless druggies.
On the other hand, this is what Voltaire had to say about social pseudo intellectuals:
On his return home, he sent for some new books to alleviate his grief, and in order to exhilarate his spirits, invited some men of letters to dine with him; when, like wasps attracted by a pot of honey, there came twice as many as he desired. These parasites were equally eager to eat and to speak; they praised two sorts of persons, the dead and themselves; but none of their contemporaries, except the master of the house. If any of them happened to drop a smart and witty expression, the rest cast down their eyes and bit their lips out of mere vexation that it had not been said by themselves. They had less dissimulation than the magi, because they had not such grand objects of ambition. Each of them behaved at once with all the meanness of a valet and all the dignity of a great man. They said to each other's face the most insulting things, which they took for strokes of wit. They had some knowledge of the design of Babouc's commission; one of them entreated him in a low voice to extirpate an author who had not praised him sufficiently about five years before; another requested the ruin of a citizen who had never laughed at his comedies; and the third demanded the destruction of the academy because he had not been able to get admitted into it. The repast being ended, each of them departed by himself; for in the whole crowd there were not two men that could endure the company or conversation of each other, except at the houses of the rich, who invited them to their tables. Babouc thought that it would be no great loss to the public if all these vermin were destroyed in the general catastrophe.
(And some paragraphs later)
"Thou hast read very despicable performances," said the man of letters; "but in all times, in all countries, and in all kinds of literature, the bad swarm and the good are rare. Thou hast received into thy house the very dregs of pedantry. In all professions, those who are least worthy of appearing are always sure to present themselves with the greatest impudence. The truly wise live among themselves in retirement and tranquillity; and we have still some men and some books worthy of thy attention."
While he was thus speaking, they were joined by another man of letters; and the conversation became so entertaining and instructive, so elevated above vulgar prejudices, and so conformable to virtue, that Babouc acknowledged he had never heard the like.
"These are men," said he to himself, "whom the angel Ithuriel will not presume to touch, or he must be a merciless being indeed."
Short story is titled "The World As It Goes" y'all can read it here if interested: http://www.online-literature.com/voltaire/4399/
>>7643798 I did not mean to imply that one ought to remain attached to the generosity of philosophers alone, only that relative to the company of a woman, the philosopher will provide you with greater benefit and satisfaction. Naturally, a man who prefers books to women may still have a well-rounded life and I would go so far to say that his life is more well-rounded than that of the individual who is made to compromise himself for the demands of the woman. However, I agree with you unfortunately, I do not encounter any armchair philosophers to aid in forming an opinion on them so I cannot say anything concerning the one who is inclined towards books and disregards other facets of life. I am certain that the one who exposes himself to philosophy early--and in a way that allows him to derive understanding from the field--holds an advantage in this life over those who don't; such a person may appear to others as a feckless druggie or a general failure, but the understanding he gained allows him to pursue ends far more lofty than worldly success.
>>7643837 thin skin is a poor sign desu, but if you must tread on eggshells you could make up some bullshit like 'it reminds me too much of poetry than prose' or 'I think the longer words slow down the flow' or maybe just read it out loud to reveal how tryhard and overwrought it sounds
>>7643859 >Is he happier than the average person or not? I would assume so for that alone which is lofty is the pursuit towards the eternal blessing of God and the individual who strives for God with sincerity, from his heart, is spared the effects of worldly tribulations and is thus happier than one occupied by the fleeting, precarious concerns of the worldly.
>Also, doesn't typing like this ruin your writing style in general? This I cannot answer; English is not my first language and it has been influenced more by the books I am exposed to than the people I am surrounded by so what you read is as much my manner of speech as it is how I write. I am not concerned with 'ruining' my writing style; if such a thing were even comprehensible perhaps I would give it more thought.
>>7642927 I study 8-9 hours for 5-7 days of the week. I am looking for substance in life, something which is worth devoting myself to. I would rather give myself tasks to do than be given tasks to devote my life to. Developing my mind has brought me out of serious depression. I'm constantly in awe at my growing ability to extract richness from my everyday experiences. I rarely have human contact, once a week, but I don't mind. I have that same sense that you may have been describing sometimes, that need to make some contribution, it's like some unfulfilled need for love or for someone to acknowledge my existence. I feel like a ghost sometimes. I see it as a trade off, I get to do what I absolutely want, I get this freedom, and by doing this I'm giving up intimate contact with people, I guess that I'm in the same boat as you are. Meditation helps. When that doesn't work - which many days it doesn't - I just make it through those days the best I can with minimal damage to myself. I guess that I don't have any answer, but it's hopeful that there are others out there doing what I'm doing.
>>7643071 >>Have never held a proper job in my life. >>Should be studying for three finals. >>Have instead passed the whole last week reading books, This is me Postponing my suicide one semester at a time
About 0.01 percent of the population commits suicide, that's 1 in 10,000.
If you were so unique who wouldn't be this worthless you degenerate twat.
My point is, you most likely don't have the balls to kill yourself, if you're really as rational as you tell yourself you are you should understand this and assume you aren't going to kill yourself until exigent circumstances tell you otherwise.
>>7644357 I don't dislike it. Sometimes it's fun, and I make enough money to do some interesting things when I feel like it. But day-in, day-out, my passion is my writing. Work is just waiting to be able to write again.
>>7647079 Generally, "going out" to "experience the world" means exposing yourself to the discomforts and perils caused by the shit people who inhabit the world. The wisdom gained from that experience translates into learning to cherish that #rare easy going existence when alone or in the company of your chosing. Some people learn to cherish it without the masochism
Maybe a lot, but most of them will eventually come to terms with how no one cares about what they have to say unless it's exceptionally striking.
Exceptionally almost by definition being the quality of something rare, i.e. most people can't write something exceptional.
Participating in discussion is cool, I just feel too many aspiring philosophers, mainly female, are stupidly ambitious and eventually going to end up as financially dependent leeches.
I like the idea of using the smarter lot of females (this proportion being smaller than it is for males) in productive STEM fields to contribute to job creation and inventions, it's quite saddening to see most of them flock to their unemployment or "career" as a homemaker because the patriarchy doesn't deem it fit to put pressure on them to train themselves to get a paying job because "meh she's going to have to subdue to her husband eventually anyway".
It's really ironic how a lot of humanities gender studies majors end up doing bugger all to equalize the income gap, the filtering should be better, if you're not exceptional and actually able to contribute to gender activism then someone should pull you out and put you in something better for society.
This is assuming you're able to contribute to society in another way, I'm sure by default a lot of the duller queer theory crowd will stay there anyway but we need to compel parents and peers to put the brighter ones into more pragmatic fields when they detect talent.
The hyper-talented leaders of revolution don't just need intelligence but passion for their cause so these ones will march back to activism even after being pushed away from it anyway.
I do, I had a breakdown today, no amount of books helped me.
My college is crap, my future is dead but the worst part is to see my family and relatives and friends look at me as if I'm worthless. Shit, I'm not even poor, but folks still want me to be materially prosperous on my own accord.
But, my desolation was not exactly voluntary, I'm a horrendously ugly manlet, I'm very fearful of people snickering about my appearance so I avoid social situations. I mean, I didn't embrace this lifestyle out of choice, if I was able to hold myself together I'd be more social but I feel people judging me for being pudgy and weird too much, and it hurts, hence why I just, stay out of it.
Getting back on topic, I don't know OP, personally, I think it's quite rare to be able to get through life without social engagement, I'm planning to an hero this year but I get that I'm not the best example since I was never as satisfied with my desolation as you seem to be right now, although you worry of the future.
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