>>7640788 Alright, I'm not particularly fond of this but I don't think it's quite unsalvageable either.
>worsened these features
Find something more descriptive that doesn't force the reader to refer bad to the previous line. Deepen the existing imagery with more imagery rather than maintaining it through reference.
>This would be considered by most to be a bad photograph
This is too wordy/fluffy imo. Say more with less. "A conventionally bad photograph", or even just "A bad photograph" still gets the message across. Play with what you want to do with this line.
>blurriness, softness, gentleness
Lots of "ness"es here, these irk me. Why not try "It is blurry, but not blurry to me" rather than "The blurriness is not blurriness to me"? Why not say "It is warm, soft, gentle" rather than "It is warmth, softness, gentleness"?
>Molded by my ego
Too overt. What does this add? What are you intending to convey in the poem through this line?
>And the same is true for the other person in the photograph
Again, work on saying less with more, and build upon the previous imagery rather than referring to it. You might consider mentioning the other person in the picture earlier too, so you don't resort to this windy construction.
>A six-month accumulation of me
What does this mean? That the photo was taken 6 months ago? This is too abstract, you need to be more visual/connotative. You give the reader very little to imagine relative to how much they must read. Convey your intention in this line with something a reader can relate to.
Did you intend to capitalize "It"? Either way, I'd suggest getting rid of it. You don't capitalize any of your other references to the photo, for one, so capitalizing it now just looks weird, and for two, the photograph gains nothing through capitalization.
Please work on these issues, as well as the more general ones everyone else has mentioned, and post a revision.
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