Short book

>>7636641
>and tell me how shitty it is?
Why do you want us to read it if it's shit? Just write something else instead.

>>7636668
well by tell me how shitty it is I mean give me feedback and tell me what you think. Not that it's actually shitty, but rather that if you think it's shitty after reading it then tell me.

I'll bite.

>>7636802
here are the first 2 chapters.
tell me what ya think
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1P0Srl29iGRqCYLUEIiVGiDDI_X5H-BCGBxCCR265p-E/edit

>>7636812
Says you gotta give my edgy email access.

>>7636834
uh fuck. my bad.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1P0Srl29iGRqCYLUEIiVGiDDI_X5H-BCGBxCCR265p-E/pub
does this work?

>>7636836
Yeah. Might take a bit though. I'm at work.

>>7636844
no worries.

>>7636846
Pretty cringey, but it's more the subject matter than the writing. It doesn't seem like you know much about squalor or degenerates. Or maybe fake gangster kids are just different where this takes place. I'm guessing Australia.

It's not totally shit though. Keep reading, keep writing, you'll get better.

Do you want to be an author, is this something you'd try to get published?

>>7636943
uh... I'm not really trying to be an author, just felt like writing something. It's kind of a first attempt at writing in general.

>>7636943
thanks for the honesty though.

Don't give a shit about your story but that pic in OP is pretty amazing.

>>7636836
>He’s always been particularly kind to me, out of all of them he might be the only one I actually like, but not that much, he’s still a degenerate
>My reflection in the window is a bit distorted. It makes me look exceptionally villainous
>It makes me apprehensive that this group is so welcoming. It’s like they’re too easy to please or something, like a bunch of simpletons
>People always come up to me and act like they know me, trying to offer me a beer or something. As if I want to fucking talk to them
I cringed. If this is intentional and will lead to something then it might be interesting, but it doesn't really sound like it.

I'd try to vary the sentence structure a bit more, you start with the subject too often. But if you're new at this then it's pretty decent. Keep going.

>>7636981
Are those the only places you cringed? there gotta be more. What part of it exactly made you cringe? BTW I appreciate the input.

>>7636836
Read the first sentence and closed the window. Learn how to use proper punctuation, and for fuck's sake don't write in present tense until you actually have the chops to pull it off.

>>7636999
Not him, but there were lots of places. The narrator and the narration just seemed wrong. His voice is too upper middle class and pompous.

>>7636999
Nah, those were the worst offenders. The guy just sounds like a typical angst-ridden teenager who thinks he's the only smart person in a world filled with retards. Describing people as "degenerate" and "simpletons" makes it sound like he's browsed /pol/ a bit too much.
So is it intentional?

Also nice digits.

>>7637022
trips babyyyyy. Yea sort of intentional, but If its really that cringey I gotta change stuff, your not supposed to think the main character is a retard, just kinda has a bad attitude.

>>7637028
He thinks his friends are retards though, like the guy who had the idea to rob place he thinks of as a wanna be gangster.

>>7637032
So to clarify a bit, the main character is supposed to be a nihilistic sociopath who thinks everyone's a piece of shit except him. What I was worried about is that he sounds like a cringy teenager. So yes in a way but I'm kinda unsure about it.

>>7637017
big literary man i see.

>>7637441
>>7637017
So the thing is though that the guy who said that first quote was supposed to be a faggoty wannabe gangster. Isn't that something a guy trying to act cool and tough in front of his friends would say?