Anybody wanna read a short book I wrote and tell me how shitty it is? (it's about 27000 words, but you aint gotta read the whole thing if you don't want to)
well by tell me how shitty it is I mean give me feedback and tell me what you think. Not that it's actually shitty, but rather that if you think it's shitty after reading it then tell me.
Pretty cringey, but it's more the subject matter than the writing. It doesn't seem like you know much about squalor or degenerates. Or maybe fake gangster kids are just different where this takes place. I'm guessing Australia.
It's not totally shit though. Keep reading, keep writing, you'll get better.
Do you want to be an author, is this something you'd try to get published?
>He’s always been particularly kind to me, out of all of them he might be the only one I actually like, but not that much, he’s still a degenerate
>My reflection in the window is a bit distorted. It makes me look exceptionally villainous
>It makes me apprehensive that this group is so welcoming. It’s like they’re too easy to please or something, like a bunch of simpletons
>People always come up to me and act like they know me, trying to offer me a beer or something. As if I want to fucking talk to them
I cringed. If this is intentional and will lead to something then it might be interesting, but it doesn't really sound like it.
I'd try to vary the sentence structure a bit more, you start with the subject too often. But if you're new at this then it's pretty decent. Keep going.
Read the first sentence and closed the window. Learn how to use proper punctuation, and for fuck's sake don't write in present tense until you actually have the chops to pull it off.
Nah, those were the worst offenders. The guy just sounds like a typical angst-ridden teenager who thinks he's the only smart person in a world filled with retards. Describing people as "degenerate" and "simpletons" makes it sound like he's browsed /pol/ a bit too much.
So is it intentional?
Also nice digits.
trips babyyyyy. Yea sort of intentional, but If its really that cringey I gotta change stuff, your not supposed to think the main character is a retard, just kinda has a bad attitude.
So to clarify a bit, the main character is supposed to be a nihilistic sociopath who thinks everyone's a piece of shit except him. What I was worried about is that he sounds like a cringy teenager. So yes in a way but I'm kinda unsure about it.