It has recently come to my attention that a new publisher has acquired the rights to the Freespace license and plans to "reboot" the series, with a new developer. The fact that they have attained a few jobless stragglers from the Volition Inc. of yore does not fool me. They are trying to make a zombie out of the last unzombified thing in this world that I love. I stood by and watched as Fallout was raped to death in its asshole. I watched as everything great about it was gutted out by the meathook of Todd Howard's money-hungry dick. I watched as Diablo was taken from Blizzard North, the only Blizzard division ever to show any real talent, and turned into a faggoty World of Warcraft spinoff with terrible everything. I could even abide Matt Ward turning Warhammer 40k into D&D 4E. I can take a lot of things in this world but I can't take them ruining Freespace. This is worse than Derek Smart getting the license. Hopefully you, the reader of this missive, will understand why I had to die. I cannot exist in a world where the super cool franchise and setting of Freespace has been reduced to the kind of plebeian faggotry that now dominates blockbuster releases. The better the new Elite is, the more pleb it is. It has nothing to do with the original elite. Everything is about money now. Soon Chris Avellone will die, and Kirkbride will be committed to a mental insititution. Soon Tim Cain will get AIDS from his gay sex escapades. They already poisoned the beautiful mind of the homosexual David Gaider with a magical wig. They have taken so much from me and they won't ever stop. I know that this world isn't for me anymore. I know that this world is a place of stupid bullshit and gay retarded faggot video games that are "good" instead of being good. I know that fun is now more important than quality. I can see the signs. And so I will follow these signs into oblivion, and I invite you to join me if they speak to you as well. Goodbye, shitty world. Goodbye bad games.
I'm sorry. There were no other tolerable possibilities for me. What was I supposed to do, just be a mentally ill homeless person? With six degrees and most of a seventh? Nobody will ever hire me. I'm a non-passing transsexual lunatic with a well documented bad attitude. As a matter of fact, part of the reason I'm killing myself is so that I don't violate my oath and kill others, because that's the only other thing I can think to do at this point. I know life is supposed to have value no matter what, and I'm just supposed to use stoicism to get by or whatever, but I don't really believe that; my ROI is too low, period, and I don't have the will or capacity to play revaluation games in my head to try and make up the difference.
With my faithful familiar, I go into the void. - x
Dear Landlord, Please contact the authorities who will presumably know how to dispose of this body. I'm sorry for how gross and unsettling this must be. Yours sincerely Anon P.S. the shower is still leaking, you should get that fixed before getting a new tenant
Honestly I have much more to say, but I'll just get to it.
All my life I've been betrayed, toyed with, or treated poorly because I am strange. I mean not to sound edgy or brooding, though I truly hate my life. You might wonder why, and not without reason.
On the outside, my life appears to be very good. I have a nice family (a fairly wealthy one at that), a good group of friends, and I even attend a nearby college and have some hobbies. I'm depressed for one of two reasons, and though I haven't been able to pin down which it is, I consider it to likely be a combination of the two. They are:
1. I have been treated as sub-human or patronized my entire life. This may be because I truly am an idiot, it could be because I'm strange and others enjoy poking fun at me, or it could be the cruelty of the world and those around me. If it is the latter, I have no desire to live in a world like this any longer.
2. I actually have a good life. This may be confusing to some, but this prospect scares me the most. I might be depressed simply because my life has had some very minor scarring or trauma and I am too weak to withstand it. Because of this, I am too weak a person to continue living and will not only be a burden to those around me, I will leech from my parents until they are bled dry.
I hope you understand that I have no choice. I'd rather test to see whether the prospect of heaven and hell exist and end up in hell, than to live another day in this wretched earth. At least that way there can be hope for eternal peace or a curse of pain, rather than a promise of damnation.
I don't really need to talk right now, since there's still the outside possibility I'll get a summer internship, finish school, and get hired somewhere. If any of that doesn't go through though, well... Thanks for the offer, anyway.
It would have been galling to have to part with my money and house and give it all to you you lazy fat cunt. So you'll be delighted to find I've made substantial donations to an Nigerian gay rights charity in your name. Sorry about the mess, I left the extention on the mop so you can get the grey matter off the ceiling fan, the water is hot but don't forget to switch off the water heater, and the kids are dead don't go into the bedroom x
Some of you are so socially isolated nobody will know you died until the neighbors complain about the smell and they find your fat, shitty body half decomposed into your dirty bed. When the EMTs see the note, they'll mutter "faggot" under their breath, hand the note to your crying mother and move on to the next call. Your mom will tell her friends you died in a car accident and eventually take your picture off the mantle. Stop pitying yourselves and try being a real fucking person.
>>7635445 >implying I have to be a suicidal coward to enjoy literature Anybody above the age of 17 should not be writing about how they're fleeing this "wretched earth" and how society turned it's back on them and that feel when no gf. /r9k/ exists to keep these people isolated, as they belong and as they prefer to be.
I would probably say something like: This is nobody's fault but my own. Please don't dwell on encounters with me surrounding this event. Nothing you did planted this idea in my head. This was a decision I created by myself. I love you all. You know who you are. I don't want to write any names out of fear of these people taking the blame for my actions. so long space cowboy
Mum and dad are dead, I can finally do this without any guilt. I'm not going to pretend I haven't fantasised about you, my love. You, grief-stricken, screaming into the void, desperately trying to claw me back to life. Oh, the words they'll use, words that have never been used to describe me before. These are the thoughts that kept me going, and they are the thoughts that give me the courage to be a coward right now. I wish I could say I was sorry about this. I love you, truly. X
When I was very young, five years of age if I remember correctly, I developed a horrible ear infection – doubtless from swimming in many strange pools. I vaugley remember the details, but the occurance invoved some sort of fungal wax that had built up on my ear drum. The procedure was simple and humorously barbaric: a concentrated jet stream of water was to be blasted into my ear to dislodge the wax. The doctor did this in short, multi-second burst. The pain was incredible, but through my sreams and the overpowing static sound in my ear I could discern the gentle and sonorous voice of an old nurse who held my little hand while repeating, “It will all be over soon.” She said this in such a way that I felt calm; the pain evaported and I knew I was safe. Life, in all its eniriety , has been like a jet stream of water in the ear but with the sharp distinction of having no one to tell me it will all be over soon, which, with all certnainty, is what I want to hear more than ever. I am neither sad nor depressed, rather, I simply have become overwhelmed with a passionate desire to die, to thrust myself without inhibition, with drive into the void. My greatest ambition, is to die.
I can no longer go on like this. Something within me died in the summer of 2011. I don't know if it was the LSD, the schizophrenia, or the occultism, but my soul went somewhere and left a piece of itself behind. Despite all the medication and counseling, I dream of this other, better, world every night. I fear I must now leave this mortal coil to reunite my split soul. Please forgive me. I love you dearly.
Two years ago, I went out to lunch with a girl, and she confided in me that she was morbidly depressed and had been so for a very long time. I told her that the way I saw things, the only way to overcome depression was to snap out of it. She failed to take my advice, and unfortunately, so have I.
I'm sorry to all the people that loves me. I know I'm not alone and I know some of you love me sincerely, but I can't take it anymore. I never was I good writer and I don't plan on changing that now. Please, nobody should take blame. This world, our race is what made me take this decision. That and my lack of will to stick with it. Good bye and whenever you miss me, remember I'm completely empty while writing this letter and I just want to rest, forever. Sorry mom, I love you. To all my family and friends, you know I love you too. Good bye.
I had a dream last night about a bubble.. yes I know that this seems like an odd thing to mention considering my body is hanging nearby, but I feel like I need to explain why I finally decided to do this. This letter is for you, not me; I feel like justice demands an explanation.
Anyways, I dreamt of a bubble caressing a green surface, an outer wall. It rolled upwards, tiptoeing until it reached the walls end, and then she released. She wandered for a long while in ether and found herself feeling very alone, only able to look ahead to an approaching mysterious eternal void. "Death" she said looking onwards, moving continuously closer, then all I saw was black.
I know this seems odd and a bit confusing but I think that what I'm trying to say will soon become clear. Now back to the blackness.
>>7635269 In my dream, I emerged out of this "blackness" into a flower. I was content dancing beneath the ocean, my movement felt satisfying, it filled me with a warmth, like steamy bath water, I wiggled my toes with absolute delight. The water exited through my pores, and upon exit transformed into glowing jewels which tickled my skin as it rolled up my body. I looked to my sides and saw many others like myself, millions, an infinite multitude it seemed. I had the notion that they were my siblings, they moved with me by my side. I was sure that it was our mighty collective swaying which pulled the water in and out, back and forth.
Trust me, upon waking up I felt as confused as - I'm confident that - you are. I felt oddly, extremely exhausted, and it being dark, I closed my eyes and pondered what I had just witnessed.
A moment later, taken by another dream I suppose, I breathed her in. She transformed in my lungs into her finest form, beautiful and naked energy. I took pleasure in feeling her move her flame through my body and escape as thought. I saw and felt the forms and colors in which she appeared as, always in costume, in mind. I peered around at my siblings, my friends, and the multitude of those that dwelt around me and felt the whisper of progress in our movement. I was sure that it was us who deserved the honor and achievement of keeping society moving, emerging, and evolving.
And this is it, I woke up with a firm sense of freedom, and peace. I knew that it OK for me to leave, or whatever you want to call it. I hope that this does justice to my actions. Honestly I don’t feel like my choices deserve explanation. Anyways.. I don’t know. . I want you to understand that I'm completely confident and at peace with this. I imagine that upon my last breath that eternal warmth will give comfort to my body, and I'll be liberated, in a sense, beyond the conventional notion of liberation, I'll feel peace beyond the normal notion of peace, and I'll feel love beyond the normal notion of love. Passing through the veil into oneness with "god" is not that most extreme finality that I had once believed, but eternal life. Overcoming my individuality is not a tragedy, but a blessing.. so.. I guess that all that remains in my departure is this, that
I won't be leaving one. I want my family wonder why and/or what drove me to the point of ending my life. Without giving them satisfaction to why they ruined my life, I will be showing them what it was like to be me. They'll forget about me, but I won't mind, because I'll forget about them.
I wrote one about three months ago. I was very close to needing to use it. Here it is:
Whoever reads this, do not hide it. It is not private. Make sure at least all the names in here read it, and anyone else who is curious. Show it to everybody I ever met, make them understand -- there's my dying wish.
I am not happy. I don't think I ever have been happy. All my life I looked around and saw people who were happy on accident, people who felt happiness effortlessly. I think being depressed is something like being deaf. Something holds me back and prevents me from feeling the way they feel. I can tear at it and yell at it and ignore it and shed tears for it but I can never remove it.
This is not anyone's fault. It was a very selfish decision. Paul and Anne and Mom and Dad and Jeanne and Bob loved me, and I loved them. Omar and Gibson and Sierra and Tony and Santa Cruz and Mitchell loved me, and I loved them. I wish I could do this without hurting all of you. If anything, this furthers the fact that I was always a bad son and brother and friend and person.
I wish I had been a good person. Everything I did and said was an effort to be a better one, to get closer to that. I never made it. I was surrounded by good people all the time, but I never lived up to a single one of them.
I was also a bad roommate, but I think a rule somewhere says that since I'm dead Auryan gets an A in all his classes. I am sorry for causing you as much trouble as I often did. Someone can use the white paint and paintbrushes I left to fill in the holes in the ceiling left by my poster. Or just tell Housing that a dead man made them.
I have a lot of regrets. I wish I had been in love with someone. I wish I had seen much more of the world and met many more people. I wish I had contributed something great that would give cause for me to be remembered. I wish I had more and better ideas for art. Seeing a person smile at something I made is the best thing I ever felt, but I was never creative or skilled enough to continue all of that.
Most of all I wish I had the willpower to keep looking for happiness and not give up like this. Maybe one day I might have found it and realized everything was worth it.
Needed to sleep, sorry. Body is always in pain. can't think anymore. Didn't want to do it, but it seemed life was over regardless if I stayed or not. I can't talk to you anymore but you can always talk to me. I love you, see you soon, but not too soon.
I'm a failure, I dropped out of everything I've ever started, got fired from every job I've ever held and dumped from every relationship I've ever had. I'll never be a kind of man that I could look up to, this is vain I know, but it's what hurts me the most. I endure a lot of shit, maybe too much, but I won't stand to see myself rot in misery any longer, I won't fade calmly I want to burn and I won't burn alone.
I'm no saint but don't you dare pretend X is a martyr, most of you would have done it yourselves. I sincerely apologize if any innocent was caught in the middle
During our visit to San Francisco immediately after I ate that brownie I contracted the stomach illness that we later discovered was hepatitis. After a week of harrowing purging and shitting my pants I expected the discomfort to be over, but I have never been able to shit right. After consecutive visits to multiple doctors over the course of four years, and not finding any satisfying medical solution to alleviate or repair my condition, I'm faced with the recognition that I will never take a solid and hardy dump again. For that reason, I must go. You may not understand my reasoning but I trust that next time you have to fish a nagging, constipated clump of turds out of your ass or undergo the painful and urgent pains of diarrhea, well, I hope you will think of me with at least a little sympathy. I cannot go through this every day. Goodbye. Don't let Brendan have the house.
I got out of life exactly what I put in. But I realized too late that coasting is far different from success. If I had the chance to do it over I would do the same thing, because the path of least resistance is aptly named for the lack of pain, if not for the bestowal of pleasure.
Also I sure hope I dont end up as a vegetable lol.
As well as my family and friends, a list of the inanimate objects which I leave with some regret - goodbye to the sun the stars my car liquor climbable trees lsd solaris (film) all good bars whatever the pet/zoo/farm counterpart is to personhood (do not want to extent to flies, fuck flies) too many bands and artists to name
Pay no attention to these /lit/ ultra FAGGOTS that take fire extinguisher steel cylinders as anal dildos. They will never know our pain. And the endless mindless destruction that the filthy, casual dude-bro console peasant has brought upon us. For all you know, people here might even be mobile gamers. If Hitler was alive today, he would be true PC master race and the console and mobile casual scum that is responsible for today's state of gaming would be getting a taste of Zyklon B.
They destroyed everything.
But im not going down by my own hand. If i cant take it no more, it's mass shooting time!!! And the target? EA headquarters.
Excuse the blood, but I have slit my wrists and neck. It was the intention that I would die in the woods so that it would take a few days before I was possibly found. I belong in the woods and have always done so. No one will understand the reason for this anyway. To give some semblance of an explanation I'm not a human, this is just a dream and soon I will awake. It was too cold and the blood was frozen in time, plus my new knife is too dull. If I don't succeed dying to the knife I will blow all the shit out of my skull. Yet I do not know. I left all my lyrics by "Let the good times roll"—plus the rest of the money. Whoever finds it gets the fucking thing. As a last salutation may I present "Life Eternal". Do whatever you want with the fucking thing. / Pelle.
I didn't come up with this now, but seventeen years ago.
>>7635270 funny >>7635277 funny, unauthentic >>7635292 wordy >>7635313 conversational tone >>7635316 light, upbeat, formality could be ironic if you chose a truly messy or gruesome suicide method >>7635324 trying hard to be poetic, but theresult was a trite and meaningless cliche >>7635326 french dumbledore >>7635342 an awful mixture of boasts, melodramatic prose and self indulgence
The week before i hang myself i will eat nothing but beans, red meat, spices and beef. Before i hang myself I'm going attach a mic and a recorder near my asshole. All i will be leaving is the sound of a massive death fart and a pool of spicy diarrhea. I call this project "The fleeting sound of my soul". Art in its truest from.
You're probably very confused and distraught right now. This note's purpose is to absolve you and anyone else affected my death of guilt, sadness, and bewilderment.
First off, as to why I did it: I am a coward.
I have every undesirable trait I can think of and am too scared and incompetent to change it. Living longer would only prolong my and other's suffering. There is no reason for me to continue living—my habits and disposition are not going to change overnight. I have had the same flaws from the beginning. They will never change. However, since I am a coward who refuses to bear the brunt of being a disgusting, treacherous person with a heart overflowing with self-pity and aggression, I have resigned to solve my problems by deserting myself.
I could go on, but I don't want to. I still care about what other people think of me, and I don't want to risk losing the massive pity and love that goes to people who kill themselves.
To Mom: Thank you for everything. You are an extremely bold, passionate person who is capable of many, many things. Try taking up a hobby. You don't need an endless supply of money to be happy—find joy in simple things. (Silly of me to be giving life advice, but I can't resist.) Love yourself. This isn't your fault.
To Dad: Thank you for being a voice of calm and reason throughout my childhood. Your kindness and sincerity are deeply appreciated by everyone around you. Maybe try finding more free time—you deserve it. Support mom.
To friends and other family members: You are all wonderful. Thank you for dealing with me and giving me a few spots of happiness in an otherwise bleak life.
To E.: I'm sorry for lying to you so many times. You didn't deserve it. Please acknowledge how good of a person you are. Try becoming a little more self-aware, too.
Don't honor me. Don't paint my death as a heroic sacrifice. I'm not a tortured artist. Im not a noble man.
I loved all of you, and I'm sure many of you loved me, but it's time to leave that behind and forget about me.
I made a promise to myself two years ago. "If by March 2016 you feel the same, kill yourself." I didn't write a note but I had actually forgotten about that promise until recently and I've felt really strange since. Does forgetting mean that I'm better? Because I barely even remember how I felt before or if I just pretended to feel.
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you, dad. I'm sorry I was never as fit as you, or as smart or handsome but I tried. I really did. But it was never enough, you were never satisfied or supportive and yeah, one day I gave up. Getting called stupid every single day of my life just because I got an A and not an A* got to me eventually. You made me feel so worthless, and the worst part is you're right. I won't be bothering you anymore, you'll be free to stare at your old golf trophies and whores you used to date for a week at a time. You threw away your life and you threw away mine. Thanks dad, I'll say hi to mom for you.
I wish I was in L o n d o n, or some other seaport town I'd set my foot in a steamboat and sail the ocean round Sailing round the ocean, sailing round the sea I'd think of handsome Molly wherever she might be
>>7639978 the world is tired of you asshat. what did you bring to the table. There's tons of interesting shit in the world. Did you even travel?
>>7639950 nigga how are you going to do both wrists and neck you slit your wrists you're gonna go to far and not have the control to do the neck and if you do the neck first you are not going to be able to do the wrists
also too long, and cutting is a shit suicide. go with a gun, or suicide by cop
>>7642650 I would take those optional tenses out of there. If you're worried about success, chose a method that nearly guarantees results. Like jumping off something ludicrously high. There's almost no way you can fuck that up.
Otherwise a fairly typical note, no great strengths or weaknesses.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience of finding my rotting corpse, I would recommend you call the police and they will send someone to collect me. It. I hope this hasn't caused you much distress, but you may want to see a counsellor. It can be very traumatic finding a dead body, especially if they're someone you love. I should know. My cat might not be there, he often leaves for days at a time, but if he is please feed and water him before taking him to an animal shelter. I would do it myself, but I'm too cowardly to say goodbye to him. As for any funeral arrangements, I have no next of kin or known associates, so it might fall to you to decide. I would ask you to have me cremated, without ceremony. There is a bag on the table, it contains £2500, all the money I have. Please use this however you want, consider it recompense for the displeasure of finding the body.
Because I am selfish enough to kill myself, but empathetic enough to care about how it may impact others. Burning my apartment would make dozens of other families homeless and destitute. I've been in that situation, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I appreciate that you think you know what people need, and you're probably right. But what you don't understand is that I, and people like myself, are acutely aware of how to fix my life but simply don't have the energy or desire to anymore. Besides, it's not self destruction when you're a non-entity. There's nothing to destroy.
I'm not being particularly melodramatic, just objective. I'm not going to try and argue the rationale of committing suicide, it requires a very irrational state of mind that people just can't understand. That's a good idea about phoning the police, I will use it. Thank you.
I'm going to remember the love of my life and how she died in my arms, the soft kiss of a mother who let her husband beat her to protect her son and the cold nights spent on park benches. There's no point in surviving when all chances of happiness are lost to you. Thanks for listening though. I appreciate that.
I can't deal with all this anymore. I cannot (or will not) finish this PhD thesis, it's beyond my meager means. I can't go on working 60 hour weeks. I've earned enough money to spend on two lifetimes of hedonism but never spend a single dime out of sheer lack of time and energy. I won't let myself enjoy my life because my responsibilities must be attended to, so I'm sacrificing everything of worth to maintain the facade of success.
My life has been mandated by politics, but I don't find a single shred of joy in it anymore. Academia has lost all the luster and all the freedom I enjoyed for so many years. My girlfriend is just as fucked, if not more, than me. I feel like I'm just something she has to withstand. She does not deserve this.
My family will miss me, and for that I'm sorry.
To everyone I work with, again, I'm sorry; I did my best, but I'm just too damn fucked up to keep going like this, crooked beyond recognition, soulless and empty.
See you in the next life, I hope I come back as a cat.
I know I had many reasons to live, but also many reasons not to. I could keep on going, but I knew I it was not getting me anywhere. There were many things I wanted to do, and many others I regret doing. And so on, I was always landing in a middle ground, just waiting for time to pass. So I finally came with a solution, and I flipped a coin.
"YO IS IT ON" "YEAH MAN GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD" "hey youtube today we gonna be dunking a basket ball by jumping from my roof" "nah this is my parents place" "yeah, yeah, it his parents place" "you gonna do it nigga?!" "yeah yeah here we go"
Please forgive me but the heroin's lost all effectiveness and I'm finally okay with nothing over this, be happy for me. Take care of my boys please. Baby Jane if you're reading this, give yourself a go around before you call the cops. Just keep the note and don't leave a trace, no need to catch a charge.
only thing i'd write is a little note to my former therapist notifying them that i offed myself.
2 years and some four thousand euros and it didnt help at fucking all. fuck those shills. i'm sure there's good therapists too but the amount of bullshit that's going on in that business is infuriating. making dough off other people's problems.
There isn't very much I can say to make the person reading this feel any better, I am sorry. I tried to make my death not only painless but relatively clean, for your sake and mine. If you are looking for reasoning that will help you better understand why I did this or better yet a sense of closure from my death detailed within this letter then I will warn you now that no such thing resides here. I am sorry for that.
Know only this, this was my choice and mine alone to make. This had nothing to do with you or anyone else, this was a personal decision. I am sorry.
Please do not hold a ceremony of any kind. Cremate my body and do not cause a fuss. I was a quiet person and I tried to live a quiet life, do me the honor a quiet and peaceful death. Throw away or sell any objects that I owned and forget me best you can. My final wish is that with my death I disappear
>>7635269 "People today, and people tommorow. Nothing but more, more, MORE. I am one of them, therefore it's too late for me....but could it be too late for you? That's up to you to decide. Have fun trying, cum amoris, anon.
>>7637797 I never lived up to any one of you, not even myself. If you based your opinion of me off of anything you have observed from my friends, social communications, or general conversation you should assume it to be false. I lied quite a bit when it came to such things. Despite how much love you showed me, and how much I loved all you I always felt like a miserable wretch. Life felt as though all I could hear was the dripping of a faucet, or the static of a television, and all good things had become transient. I simply have no more will to live. I left this world loving all of you. t. Alberto Barbarossa
I never used to understand why anyone would take their own life. In the even of personal turmoil I could surely flee my friends, my family, my town and start anew. Clearly, I no longer see it that way. The hands of my irreparable watch now sit still, But through the gulp of every pill they cough toward the midnight hour.
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