What's the most 'Kafkaesque' situation you've

File: Bowie.jpg (972KB, 897x1280px) Image search: [Google]

972KB, 897x1280px

When i went to my grandma's and she made me eat so much i didn't know why

I woke up with a doorknob on the back of my head

>>>/tv/

I went to audition as an extra for a movie. We were lined up outside. It was a freezing cold February and someone further ahead of me was singing, "I am a real American," over and over again loud enough to make it to me over everyone else's conversations. It bothered me that I didn't know who originally performed the song so walked up to him, shivering, and asked if it was Toby Keith. Without breaking eye contact he replied, with a smile, louder, "I AM A REAL AMERICAN, FIGHT FOR THE RIGHTS OF EVERY MAN!" but his arms were crossed and he was as cold as me. A woman who stood with him laughed, at him, or me, or the both of us, and I slowly walked back to my place some ways behind him and he stopped singing.

>>7621062
1/2

Last night, I went out to a bar in north Fitzroy for a few drinks with friends, but I ended up feeling too sick to endure the noise, so I headed off early.

Apon arriving back home, i had a local crack addict knock on my window, and ask me to drive her to the closest police station. She had a black eye, and I, the moral compass that I am, decided that the most decent thing to do was to give her a lift, in case she was in trouble.

We arrived at the police station, and she asked me if I could keep driving, because she just remembered that she couldn't go into the police department. I didn't ask why. She asked me if it was alright if we just cruise for a while.

I was pretty on edge, as she had very obvious needle marks all over her arms, and was very much against catching HIV from a used syringe in some sort of drugged out feral rage, so I agreed, and we 'went for a cruise'.

She felt like pizza, and I told her that I didn't think anything was open, but she insisted, so we kept driving around south Melbourne looking for an open pizza place. I suggested I buy her a frozen pizza, and she could just go home and heat it up, but she said she didn't have an oven, and no way was I offering her mine..

[cont.]

>>7621069

Fuck, where did I just read this?

the red jacket. though it was probably more dosto

I lived my youth with a family of fundamentalist, evangelical Christians. Every day was a 'The Trial' over and over again until I moved out.

>>7621141
Lol damn that cray

>>7621126
I suggested we go to the local McDonald's, which she begrudgingly agreed to.

I asked her whether she minded just using the drive through, and she yelled at me, asking if i was too embarrassed to be seen with a drug addict. I said I wasn't, and that i needed to look at the menu anyway.

It turns out she has no money, so I pay for her Big Mac meal (after she accuses 'all you theiving bastards', meaning me, and the 15 year old McDonald's employees, of stealing her money) and buy myself a 10 pack of chicken nuggets and medium chips.

We sit in silence, eating our meal in an empty McDonalds, eventually finish, get back in the car, and, after she asks me to drop her off 'just anywhere'. I drop her off where I picked her up, outside my block of apartments, she staggers onto the road, almost gets hit by a car, yells at the car, the car stops and rolls down its window, she spits into the window, the car speeds off, she kicks the black Hyundai i40 in its rear passenger side door, waves me goodbye, and walks off into the night.

>>7621097
Thats it? You wrote that whole blog post just to tell about some guy who was singing? Why would anyone even commit such insignificant event to memory?

>>7621141
Same tbqh

>>7621126
>>7621150

That's kind of sad, but I wouldn't exactly call it Kafkaesque. It would've been Kafkaesque had you been the guy in the Hyundai. getting spit on by some random drug addict.

>>7621154
It was made up fucking moron. Do you even know what kafkaesque means???

>>7621130
It was actually a mysterious knob

life

I woke up as a human once.

>>7621189
I'm so sorry

File: image.jpg (38KB, 593x449px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 593x449px

>>7621200
Pls, no

I used to work at an inside sales job and have tons of stories.

I used to have to stand guard over the off the boat chinese food delivery men at my sales office because the sales associates would often assault them and take their money, and threaten to tell immigration about it.

Another time one of our sales people shit themselves, but was so burnt out that he just sat in his shit until we took him by the arms and left him on the street.

Our sales trainers job was to fire the 75% lowest performers every week. He was routinely assaulted as well. It was my job on fridays to cut him extra money every time he was struck.

We had one girl quit because her boyfriend died in Iraq. We had a farewell party for her, collected money from the associates, had a cake etc. Later that week her boyfriend called and asked if we had seen her.

Women would smear their tampons across the walls, we would keep credit cards on excel files, and whenever merchant accounts kicked us out, we would make sure to charge as many people as possible because they couldnt charge back a purchase through that merchant.

The card details were kept in encrypted html in our backend, and were routinely stolen by everyone from russian mob (we found out after I tracked them down on TOR) to syrian terrorists (found out from a political announcement).

Once we had a top salesman who suddenly became a golden god, hundreds of thousands of dollars a week. He did this for 5 months, and then disappeared after his last check. Turns out he had been telling everyone that if they purchased a 1000 product, he would reimburse them at 130%, and was emailing them contracts from home.

Im considering writing a book, but parts get pretty ligottiesque

Went for a job interview at McDonalds with a resume full of lies

>>7621214
*unencrypted

File: kafka15.jpg (29KB, 315x383px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 315x383px

Went for a job interview at McDonalds stoned with a resume full of lies

>mfw I have no idea if I got the job or not
>mfw I'm not even kidding

>>7621224
I had a friend who failed out of college, went online, grabbed a resume full of shit he had some idea of how to do, applied to a major pharma company, and was hired at 100k.

Never underestimate human incompetance

when I went to make a shitpost thread on /lit/ but it devolved in to a 200 post discussion on literature

>>7621214
Another time we received a legal threat from a client demand the return of funds. I was told to deal with it, so i created a legal department, and took the name of karl j schnakenburger, esq

I proceeded to misdirect and befuddle their legal secretaries until the correspondence dried up. The department was formalized and I was told to hire a secretary to handle all fake legal work.

First job out of college I did marketing and eventually ran day to day as manager a sports bar with no liquor license. The bar itself was 20 foot long and solid white granite. For 3 months I was the only employee. We had maybe one customer a week by mistake

>>7621200
I'm >>7621130,
thank you.

grew sentimental feelings for the mold growing in a cup of water on my desk. i couldn't bring myself to get rid of it for months and when i did it was very cathartic.

>>7621214
>>7621246
What country is this

What's Kafkaesque?

>>7621216
>>7621214
>I used to have to stand guard over the off the boat chinese food delivery men at my sales office because the sales associates would often assault them and take their money, and threaten to tell immigration about it.


That's some shitty excuse of a people you worked with.

>>7621062
>being under criminal investigation
>paying bills/doing taxes
>shopping at ikea

It's a tie between the above.

>>7621319
The US of A

>>7621150
North side Melbourne represent.

I was stood outside a shop at about noon when an old lady comes up and points right at me and says - 'What will the doctors do with you?' - before shuffling into the shop.

>>7621422

she wasn't point at you she was pointing at your dubs

>>7621062

Got stopped at US customs and had to wait in a room for hours. I was then interviewed for a long time regarding the nature of my stay in the US. I waited some more and they searched me again.

All in all, like a 2/5 airport experience. Noticeably worse than most times I've travelled.

Full disclosure I have an Arabic name. I am half white. Not religious.

File: 1429732693743.jpg (202KB, 1408x1056px) Image search: [Google]

202KB, 1408x1056px

>>7621062

Two other people and I watched a plastic jug of Arizona Iced Tea explode and be launched into the air and come back down, spraying us with iced tea, we have no idea why it happened.

I had taken acid for the first time and was in some park with a few buddies of mine just as the effects were starting to grow noticeable.

We decided to walk around downtown and just as we were about to leave the park a haggard man who appeared homeless approached us. He pulled out some crude business card from his pocket and waved it in front of us while repeating that the end of the world was at hand. After saying this a number of times he fell into a fit of laughter that went uninterrupted until we left him standing there in the park.

>>7621150
>>7621126

I live in north carlton. Wanna meet up and fug?

I was walking around late at night when it was snowing in my upper middle class suburb in Colorado when I was a teenager.

It was dark on the path I was on and I was walking for a while and it was getting farther and farther from the area I was used to and the streetlights were getting spaced out farther. I went for like 5 minutes walking towards one light and when I got there I could hardly see the one behind me and couldn't see the one in front of me. I sat there for a while all warm in my bundle of clothes feeling real comfort and serenity and suddenly every streetlight turned off all at once.

>>7621712
What happened then?

>>7621730
I sat there for about an hour really scared and with no sense of direction but eventually the sun came up and I figured out where I was

>>7621735
I don't think that's all too Kafkaesque per se.
Maybe the first bit kinda is. idk, i'm not really sure about this stuff

There was this one time when I was in the seventh grade when I'd forgotten to do my homework. The teacher still expected those who hadn't done the homework to finish it later on their own so we were made to sit in the hallway while the rest of the class went over it.
There were like five of us sitting in the hallway when we saw this little girl with down syndrome or something being escorted down the hallway by these two special ed workers. She just made a fucking break for it and we all started laughing, not because she was retarded but because a little girl with down syndrome was being chased down by these two middle aged women wearing high heels. One of them even pulled out a walkie talkie to call for backup. Somebody said it was just like Cops. Then a large, male teacher came out of nowhere and had me stand up so that he could threaten me specifically out of the five people who were laughing on how much of an insensitive prick I was. I was scared shitless.

>>7621320
a situation reminescent of those depicted in the writings of austrian author Franz Kafka

When I was about 10 I nearly had sex with a friend of mine of the same age. I didn't know how to have sex then so I just rubbed my dick on her butt-cheeks. And here I am now virginless and posting on a vietnamese war monger smorgasbord. Is that franzian?

>>7621810

It's not like the works of Franzen at all.

>>7621814
>tfw she became a qt 9/10

>>7621824
>Never had sex
>Rates women out of 10

Although correlation does not implicitly suggest causation, I am inclined to believe, yadda yadda yadda.

>>7621832
>unnecessarily using implicitly
wew lad

I was supposed to be nice to this retarded inbred kid that stood head and shoulders above me. The teacher was his mother, and would whore herself out for an "education" for her son. We weren't allowed to go outside so I tried organizing a revolt. Which failed, but "Nee-kho" appeared shortly thereafter. I was nice to him for a couple days, but he started eating out of the trash and everyone wanted him out. So I told him to leave before I sacrificed him to the evergreens trees (I live in Seattle, it means we knock you out). He showed up again and poured soapy water on me (he said he wanted to douse me). At that point I kicked him out back into the halls. His mother payed me in flirting, and refused to give me the keys that would have kept him out for good. Eventually she stopped showing up to that particular class (along with her son) but since then the school said "the farther you get away from anon the more weird-stuff happens". I think he became the abomination that crawled on the ground. The next time I heard about him he was the biggest loser in a high school.

>>7621840

>Not recognising deliberately pseudointellectual writing used for effect
wew lad

File: 1426717095877.jpg (4KB, 250x250px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 250x250px

>yfw you tell the judge you're innocent and he asks you innocent of what?

>>7621901
>deliberate pseudointellectual writing
dfw plz go

All these stories seem farfetched.

>>7621214
Please please write a book.

>>7621946
i actually got nostalgic about my old company and looked up some of the old shell companies I used to make to lure in clients. Half the results were complaints of scams, the other half were CVs listing their affiliation with my company, which only ever existed as a landing page and spam email.

I remember once we contracted these two fellas to use their servers for a marketing campaign. Bright eyed fellas. I sent out 20 million emails in one morning, they called us crying saying they had lost everything.

Well done OP, you've made it clear that maybe three people that post on /lit/ understand what kafkaesque means.

>>7621062

In sixth grade, one of my classmates a friendless boy walked around the playground carrying a jump rope, and asked random students if they knew how to tie a slipknot. No one did. He asked my friend and I, and I said I knew how to tie one, but that I wouldn't, and that he should ask someone else, maybe a teacher. He pleaded with me, and I said no. Instead of finding someone else, he walked around the playground more, looking slightly defeated. Later, after a few minutes, he came back, and began asking me over and over if I would please tie the slipknot for him. I said again, more firmly, 'no'. He wouldn't leave me alone, and my friend asked me to just tie it for him, but I refused. Now annoyed, my friend grabbed the rope from him, insisting that she'd tie it. She struggled, unable, and he complained that during her attempt she'd made the loop too small, and this made me take the rope from her, and from him, and yell 'NO'.

And he looked at me, like I was crazy.
And she looked at me, and asked me why.
And I refused to give the rope back, and he left, and I explained to her. And she gossiped to a friend, who told a teacher, who called his mom, who came to school and yelled his name and took him home.

I know he resented me for not tying his noose, but I feel more guilty for not realizing sooner, and wonder if I'd have felt guilty if I'd tied the thing, without ever realizing at all, and he'd done it. I carry guilt for almost doing something I wouldn't have felt guilty about, had I done.

>>7622160
That or they just wanted an excuse to post blogshit.

>>7622160
who? point out which people do

link their posts

File: 1366333226521.png (127KB, 257x250px) Image search: [Google]

127KB, 257x250px

>>7621097
I felt physically cold reading this story, good job anon.

>>7621645
yes, are you a gril

>>7621773
I have a story slightly similar to this
>9th grade
>good friend's dad gets appointed commander of a military base a couple states away
>he invites me and three other friends to come over for a week during the summer
>on the second day, we're at the subway on base when one of us gets the great idea of switching the letters around on the sign from "try our new philly cheese steak" to "lick our weiners
>we do it and have a chuckle
>go back to his house
>friend's 10 year old brother tells their mom because he thought it was so funny
>mom has anxiety issues; starts pacing and saying "OH GOD WHAT IF SOMEONE SAW YOU WE JUST MOVED HERE THIS WOULD BE SO EMBARRASSING"
>all of us feel shitty now but didn't really think it was a big deal
>dad comes home
>mom cries to him
>hear a loud knock on the door to the room we shared
>the General enters
>barks at us to get off our asses and stand up
>starts chewing us out very loudly about how disrespectful it was for us to do that, and how he could have gotten in trouble
>looks at me
>he thinks I'm fucking smirking
>"HUH, TOUGH GUY, YOU THINK ITS FUNNY TO DISRESPECT ME IN MY OWN FUCKING HOUSE?!?!?!?"
>walks directly up to me and starts yelling at me from an inch away
>"HOW ABOUT I PUT YOU ON A TRAIN HOME RIGHT NOW YOU DISGRACEFUL LITTLE SHIT"
>meanwhile I'm on the verge of pissing my pants, feebly mumbling out "yes sir" and "no sir" when appropriate

I've never been more humiliated and terrified. Everything turned out fine for the most part, though.

>we go apologize to the subway staff per the General's orders
>come back to the house
>the general brings out shotglasses and poured each of us some whisky
>talks about integrity and honor and about how he used to fuck around when he was a kid (he almost got booked for arson)
>also mentions how he used to teach drill instructors and that he was just trying to scare me, he knew I didn't find it funny

>>7622564
Oh fuck, that's pretty damn surreal. Am I dumb for not getting that the slipknot was for a noose until the end?

>>7622621

I'm not a grill but I'm pretty cute

While on a bus in traffic on the way home from my office job, I was reading about an office worker on a bus in traffic on his way home from his office job. The traffic was practically in reverse, the bus full of the hot breathing of dozens of other office workers trying to get home from working in the office to just get home from the stifling hot air and the cramped shoulders and bags and the young men reading about buses full of office workers and moist, sweaty air and the traffic reversing until it seems as though you're back at the office but you can't get off until you get home because you're on the bus home and the office is closed but the traffic keeps pulling and the pages keep turning and the breathers keep breathing and the standers keep shuffling and your window into the outside world fogs over.

I'm sorry

>>7621062
I once woke up but couldn't move.
>Realised I was still asleep.

File: cowlove.jpg (687KB, 1056x1106px) Image search: [Google]

687KB, 1056x1106px

>>7623015
>Not taking the oppurtunity to astrally project.

Why are you even in my dimension?

>>7623115
I thought it was just me taking a look at a projected me as an external and the mind just confused about its waking state.

My brother and I had an "Uncle Steve" growing up, one of those family friends who's basically family. We never saw him at his place, though he apparently moved quite often, either unwilling or unable to settle. He would visit us at our apartment, never invited, he just dropped by whenever he felt like, maybe twice a month. He was very strange, he was always wearing random clothes, almost on defiance of style and coordination and he would sometimes stay for hours talking about absolute nonsense, and my mom didn't seem to mind, even though he would get loud and frantic (once he started banging on the walls but we never got any complaints). She fed him if he came during a meal, and he refused to ever stay past midnight, even though he would occasionally show up at quarter to midnight. He made outrageous claims that were incredibly vague, like extremely paranoid thoughts about being followed and searching for something. This persisted for about eight years, and then my mom died. My brother and I both remember him at the funeral, he stood alone and didn't mingle with anyone. We didn't see him again until one day out of the blue, about five years later. My brother and I were playing in the front yard and he came to say goodbye. He looked healthy but he was in a rush. We went to get our grandparents to meet him and they were baffled when he wasn't there, but increasingly so when we told them about him, having never once hearing of this man. My brother and I have spent years trying to find him.

>>7621062
>wanked in tandem with a dorm mate
>prefect walks in
>sees, says something of irrelevancy
>he leaves
>we leave
>never a word heard about that from anybody evwer again

When I was sick my dad would get angry. He'd walk in my room and shout things like, 'Fucking sick again?' On one occasion I was unable to walk and he told me to come out to eat dinner. I told him I couldn't walk and he said, 'I'm going to put the food on the table. Come out when you want it.' When I didn't come out to eat it, he carried it to my room and threw it at me.

>>7621069

Hah

>>7623167
Sounds like a top dad.

Any time I had to deal with bureaucracy. Shit's infuriating for no reason, it's like they care more about papers than people.

When i was five years old i had a terrible stomach ache. My parents took me to the hospital but no one would explain to me what was going on. The doctors made me drink something that tasted awful and i was forbidden to eat. They made me a bed in the corridor with other children with various disabilities, including a boy with two broken arms and siamese twins. The weird and distasteful drink made me drowsy and i fell asleep but soon woke to a she-doctor inspecting my tiny - surprisingly erect - penis. It felt oddly good, having someone touch your privates (even though i had no knowledge of sexual matters, being only five years old). All the children in the corridor were staring at the procedure but i felt no shame, she was a doctor after all. Abruptly, she left only giving me a smile and i was never given any explanation for that incident.
The next morning i was taken to an emergency appendectomy which - i was later told - almost killed me.

>>7621066
My dad came down with a terminal sickness that destroyed his body. He eventually left because my mother was such a huge bitch to him.

He raised her up from poverty and when he became sick she no longer loved him. No he lives in another state, all alone and dying.

I even told him to read The Metamorphisis because he might relate.

>>7623299
Either I'm an idiot or that's not kafkaesque in the least.

>>7623306
You are an idiot. The Metamorphosis is about what happens when a provider loses the ability to provide. The people he supported grow to hate him and cast him out. Gregors family didnt love him, they just used him. When he ceased to be useful then he was hated and discarded.

>>7623250
The point of bureaucracy is to give people the feeling of order and continuity, often with the sacrifice of practical, singular achievements.

>>7623317
It's a real possibility, I'm waiting for a second opinion on this though. Preferably from someone who didn't read only the Metamorphosis.

I had to wait like 10 minutes to pick up my passport once at city hall
Fucking bureaucracy.. m-muh castles f-fucin stupid some door or something hrmph close long time'go

I went to the library and then for a walk. Since it was winter it was already dark. I walked through the forest, and when I was leaving it, I met a young man, taller than me. He said something that I couldn't understand and just went away.

>>7621227
That's an interesting lie you just told us

>Kafkaesque thread
>zero kafkaesque stories

This one time, I had to go to the DMV.

>>7621861
This aint the Denis Johnson-esque experience thread, pal.

I was depressed during high school and skipped a ton of lessons, but one day I decided to go to the counsellor to explain my attitude.

I explained how attending school made me really suicidal and everything, but she ended up telling me that while she understands, I still have to attend the remaining stuff for the day. I couldn't leave the building anyway because it was locked.

I refused to and she said that my only other choice is going to my form teacher and asking for her permission.

She obviously declined but invited me for a ''casual conversation in five minutes'', and I sneaked out during the five minutes only because a janitor let me out.

>>7623454
Yes, I woke up early that day just to visit the lady. Her working hours were during my 2nd, 3rd and 4th lesson. And I was told to stay for the entire 3-6.

plus she said that we can talk more about it later

>>7623332
>the feeling of order and continuity
Then why the hell does it seem so fucking nebulous and senseless?

>>7621150
Confirmed for real human bean.

>>7623006
Nice

>>7623493
Have you ever been present in a religious ceremony? That's precisely the point.

>>7623317
That's a fairly cogent interpretation. I felt as though it was about how Gregor felt about himself. Disillusioned through a mindless job where he can't express himself he grows depressed. I though the bug represented how he felt others saw him, not how they actually saw him.

File: 1440195790567.jpg (114KB, 828x621px) Image search: [Google]

114KB, 828x621px

>>7623251
it is fairly well known that surgeons finger and meddle with female patients during an operation.

and nurses and female doctors look and caress men's cocks, but only the biggest cock.

>>7623685
What the hell, dude? How would that even be possible?
First of all, a surgeon is never alone with a patient. And even if he was, I can assure you that there is nothing erotic in handling an unconscious patient's genitalia, no matter how hot they might be.

You get more bored and disgusted by it than anything else.

>fairly well known
Don't be such an idiot. Porn is not reality.

>>7623751
God damn it anon, what's the point of even telling lies on the internet if some spoil-sport is going to come along and correct you?

>>7621097
this was actually hilarious

One time I fell asleep in my house and woke up in a Volkswagen Beetle. It was red and the locks had been sealed. I was stuck in there for three hours before someone noticed and called the fire department to free me.

By the time I was out, my throat was burning with thirst and my head felt like it was full of hammers. I was interviewed by the police and had a blood test done. There was nothing unusual about the results of the test; no foreign elements or deficiencies. I don't drink or do drugs. I don't have any enemies as far as I know. It was a very confusing week.

- - - - -

I still do know to this day, three years later, how I ended up trapped in a red Bug a half mile from my house. The police haven't found anything that could help piece it together. I haven't recovered any memories about it. I'm still bothered by it to this day. Every time I see a Bug I start getting lightheaded and my throat feels parched regardless of my hydration level. It's getting better though. Hopefully I get over it soon because the woman I'm crushing on drives a mint green bug and it's ruining my life.

>>7621263
how

what

I thought people cared about me. They didn't.

>>7623773
Kek.
But honestly speaking, pediatrician would be a pedos dream job.

>>7622638

good dad!

>>7623167

bad dad

>>7621431
shitskin

File: 1427897752700.jpg (42KB, 498x594px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 498x594px

In kindergarten I was a pretty socially well-developed kid. I had a good group of buddies, girls were interested in me, everything was pretty nice. At the time of my story, we had just gotten a new student who'd been with us for about a week.

This kid was weird. I distinctly remember he had these dark ass bags around his eyes, and when his mom would pick him up at the end of the day she'd always look super stressed and would never smile. Nobody really paid any mind to him except the teachers. He was very shy, and barely talked to the other kids. He even sat alone at lunch.

I was playing soccer during recess, and he comes up and asks if he can join in. Well, we already had an even number, so if he joined it would be uneven. I told him so. He says he'll play permanent offense or defense. Someone else tells him that's not allowed. He starts fucking begging us, tears welling up in his little eyes, to let him play with us. I got really fed up with his crying, and eventually told him "Go away, we don't want to play with losers like you."

That same day, nobody ever came to pick him up from after school day care. The teachers waited until about midnight, when finally some out of state relatives they called showed up to claim him.

Apparently his mom had been ran off the road and killed by a drunk driver on a major road in our area. Nobody knew who or where his father was, his mom was single.

The next day at school, we were told what happened, and started going around the class saying prayers for him. I felt sick to my stomach, and ended up getting picked up early. I wanted to tell my mom everything but I thought she'd be mad at me, so I didn't.

The image that is forever burned into my mind is that poor kid sitting in a corner of the playground, sobbing and throwing rocks at the ground.

That incident fucked me up so badly I don't think I ever recovered. I used to have near sleepless nights just thinking about the entire incident. Last year, I managed to find the guy on facebook. He goes to community college, and just judging by his pictures and what he says, I'm fairly sure he's addicted to opiates.

>>7624202
>That incident fucked me up so badly
Jesus, kill yourself.

>>7624211
You try bullying a kid the day his mom dies and see how you feel afterwards.

>>7624226
The weak should fear the strong

File: 1449696507153.jpg (44KB, 607x608px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 607x608px

>>7624232

One day, I woke up without my nose. I tried to go and find it, all the while trying to hide that I didn't have a nose. Walking down the street, not really watching my step because my face is covered in a rag I suddenly bump into an officer.

I take a closer look and see it's not an officer, it's my nose dressed as an officer. I try and talk to him, but he ignores me, because my social status is too much below his. I try and hatch a plan to get my nose back.

My first idea was to go to the newspaper office to try and get a Wanted sign in the paper. But the clerk just laughs at me, he doesn't believe my nose is missing. I show him my noseless face to convince him. He believes me, but still rejects my Wanted article because it would give his newspaper a bad name.

Later on I wake up with my nose in place.

Shit was cash

>>7623348
If you think nobody ever gets away with fraud (at least for a while) then you're very naive.

>>7621712
this is nice

>>7624202
Let's be real anon, you didn't know his mom had died and most likely neither did he at that point. It's just a couple of unfortunate events that happened to him. It's not like you bullied him AND killed his mother.

You should feel bad for bullying though.

>>7624241
That's just ripping off the third policeman desu

>>7621712
>>7621735
nice, and the reply is spot on too

We should define Kafkaesque here
From what I've read of his the two major characteristics are:
1. Surreal
2. Depressing
Am I missing anything?

>>7623306
that's more like kafkaish

I once read 'the trial'.

By and large it was probably my most kafkaesque experience.

One time my mom's friend was at our house and she had her autistic son with her, who was around my age at the time (17). My mom paid me $20 to play videogames with him so he would feel included, I asked him and he said he didn't really like playing videogames but he did like to watch so I played FIFA while he sat and occasionally made feeble attempts at conversation.

>>7621861
>>7623435
>abomination that crawled on the ground

The ending of the story could literallybe the start of The Metamorphosis is we interpret it literally. How is this not Kafkaesque?

>>7624641
Kafkaesque doesnt mean "involving large insects", otherwise "Godzilla v. Mothra" would be a Kafkaesque movie. I think Kafka is more about the futile struggle of individuals against systems, tho Im sure the armies of Kafka scholars on lit will jump in and correct me.

>>7625125
Godzilla v Mothra is pretty Kafkaesque though. :^)

on a more serious note you're right under the general definition of Kafkaesque (although it's not so much about struggling as it is about the accompanying emotions of senselessness and confusion), but for my post I switched back to a more literal definition of 'relating to the works of Kafka'. I was being an annoying contrarian, much like I did in the first sentence of this very post.

One time I was reading on a park bench in between classes. I hear a motorcycle drive up and stop right in front of me, it's a cop on his motorcycle and he looks at me and says "You, do you know anything about Freshman geometry?" I stammered out a yes and he said "What's your e-mail, I need you to do my son's geometry homework." So I gave him my email, he emailed me his son's homework, and I got paid 25 dollars for it. It was on April Fool's day and none of my friends believed it happened because it was so bizarre.

>>7621062
no

>>7624365
Urban Dictionary says that it is something that is very odd yet strangely relateable.

File: image.jpg (79KB, 680x676px) Image search: [Google]

79KB, 680x676px

No one ever believes this but once a few years ago I woke up as a bug and spent the whole day freaking out and whenever I tell people they think I'm making some kind of bad Kafka joke. The whole thing is utterly embarrassing. My therapist doesn't even believe me but thinks it's a sign we should continue our sessions.

>>7622160
It's not a bad thread, tho

>>7621338
>shopping at ikea
Every time I walk into an Ikea, I feel like I entered some slightly off-kilter world. It's something about the ambiance/atmosphere/vibe of the place, but it's somewhat off putting.

>>7625352
Not Kafkaesque, not even well told. Apply yourself.

My physics teacher described a value as infinitesimal and wrote "infinitessimal" on the board. A student raised her hand and asked, "Are you sure that's correct?" He responded, "Yes. Infinitesimal. It means very small."The class proceeded as if nothing unusual happened.

The physics teacher's spelling of infinitessimal ended up in my notebook as, because it was a physics class, I was only half awake. I noticed the mistake immediately after writing the second s but could not correct it as I wrote in pen - not that it mattered. I never look back at my notes.

>>7621062
In 7th grade one day my entire school pretended like I didn't exist.

It was a small private school. I don't know how they coordinated it, but those fucking bastards drove me insane.

Not even my friends would acknowledge my presence, let alone speak to me.

It grew to the point where I punched a kid in the shoulder just to get an answer as to why they were doing it. My teacher saw me and sent me to the principal's office (Quakers are giant faggots).

I tried to explain to the principal why I punched the kid, but she basically just said there was no excuse, and I got detention for the rest of the week.

The next day everybody acted like nothing had changed, and my best friend asked me, with a straight face, where I had been the day before.

I decided I wasn't going to let this one stupid middle school prank get in the way of my friendships, so I never said anything about it.

>>7622638
Based
Not kafkaesque though

javascript:quote('7625672');

This is actually something quite recent. part 2 to that reply, here.

It's New Years Eve. 2015. I've been eating whatever my best friend's Mom has put in front of me while I sit on the couch of his nice, but designed with a strange slant in it's structure so it feels confining, Northborough, Massachusetts apartment. I sit numb. He's at work, and I'm waiting for another friend to pick me up, to bring me to him, so we can all head off, to begin the night.

Driver-friend arrives, we drive over to my friend's work. Ski slope. We change locations a few times. First a motel where I saw a lot of old drug addict friends I haven't spoken with in a while.

We reach a very severe and speculatively inaccessible Mansion Party. Some underage girlies convinced their parents to let them have 300 people over. I don't get it either. I'm off a dab.

We get in, despite not being on the list. We pick up a couple more at the motel, they got us in basically.

For that night, there at least, I fumble around a thick crowd. I try to speak, to anyone really but nothing is working out.

I walk over to the bar area, manned by a butch couple of upperclassmen girls in tight 'slimming' black fleece clothes, and some shitdick-type italian barman. Just some parent. I try to reach his favor, to grab a beer or something. He pours me out some. I leave, confused, attempting to settle back into the nearby mass of teen.

I sit back and watch the ball drop by the television with at least 85 people around me, a hundred more just twenty feet away. I feel very small.

Thirty minutes of nothing passes.
My best friend tells me he wants to steal the 30 rack they have at the bar. I tell him I'm game.

I watch the door to the mansion. The Mother, whose words throughout the night cut into me every time, as well as a small group of other parents who are cool with this whole event (?) are shouting upstairs, because they heard people.

The mother's new husband, this Hugh Jackman looking guy, comes down with three girls, 16-17 years old must be. For some reason I notice his belt is undone. I get very confused. I think he just got necked by some teens. I think about that for a while, and my best friend tells me to run outside because he stole the 30 rack.

I leave, we drive off.

>>7625781
err meant 2 quote my first reply, very new to 4chan..

My first reply was >>7625672

Two nights ago in a frat basement I went from talking to his coked-out brother to hammer-fisting his face twice on the ground, then I clenched onto him as people started to pay attention--they only saw him flailing and me appearing as if I'm trying to quell the situation. They dragged him off me and threw him outside, even though he was a brother, and they gave me a beer because they thought I'd been wronged. Then, ten minutes later, I kissed this artsy girl and brought her back to a coffeeshop that I work at on campus, spilled an entire pot of coffee that I was drunkenly brewing, then she stood me up for a date today.

God bless America

>>7625672
Stop smoking weed so much. There are plenty of drugs out there that are less detrimental to your cognitive abilities and way more fun than weed in their own right.

Try taking amphetamines. I usually take adderall the day after getting stoned. Without it, my mind just gets super hazy and I feel completely out of it. But then again, I also rarely smoke weed because I don't like the high that much. I usually get terribly paranoid unless I've had something to drink. This blizzard is the first time I've gotten baked in like 4 months.

Anyway, hang in there. I've seen some of my friends fuck up their lives by smoking too much weed on a regular basis. My ex-girlfriend went from an honor roll student to an employee at the local vape store, while she takes classes online.

My suggestion would be to delete your dealer's number from your phone and stop smoking until you get into college, or whatever you want to do after high school.

You're 17, if you keep your current habits, you'll wake up one day in your 30s and realize you haven't done anything meaningful in your life. Or worse, you won't be able to remember what the fuck you did in the peak of your goddamn manhood because you were stoned, on the couch, stuffing your face with munchies.

File: 1451802258859.jpg (17KB, 300x195px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 300x195px

>>7625807
> I went from talking to his coked-out brother to hammer-fisting his face twice on the ground, then I clenched onto him as people started to pay attention

Xanax?

>>7625781
>>7625672
underage b&

>>7625672
Just stop smoking weed man. It makes you pissy, and not want to talk to people. It gives you a defeated "why bother?" Attitude towards eveything because its fucking with your pleasure and reward systems.
I used to smoke all day erry day for a while and its definitely fucked me up some.

>>7624365

Being taken by my parents to a police station to be talked to about drugs and pretending to agree with the police officer that "wooooah drugs are scary"

Once on a trip to Ireland as a kid my family and I were out for a walk. We walked past a house with a dog and the dog gave chase to our small party of four. We had to cut our stroll short because the dog kept biting my mom's legs and ripped her socks. We passed by the same house again and my brother coundn't find anything to tie the hound up with, so he just yelled "stay" and it just sat there wide eyed as we walked away. For some reason (I was attending a local bible study over there on the weekend) I compared my brother's scream towards the dog to God's speech to Moses at the burning bush.
I thought the comparison was hilarious and I kept laughing the whole way back to our house. On the trek back I fell over several times, scraping my legs until they bleed. Then a bunch of cats started
following us and my father didn't like it partly because he was pissed at me for injuring myself. So he started making hissing sounds aggressively towards the cats when they came too near. My 12 year old self only found this even more amusing and I couldn't stand after falling over laughing too many times. Ended up spending two days in the house with my family repeating the story over and over again as I recovered.

Sorry for any misspellings or grammatical mistakes, I wrote this on a phone.

>>7625876
Whiskey, weed, and a common love interest, who was, funny enough, not the girl that I ended up hooking up with.

>>7621320
A situation that is somewhat absurd and funny in a dark sort of way typically in a bureaucratic context.

File: clubman.jpg (157KB, 2210x610px) Image search: [Google]

157KB, 2210x610px

>>7621062
I was at a party in Paris for an exchange program. It was the end of the school year for them so it was the guys (who was my age and I was staying with his family) classmates.
There was maybe 30 people. There was some alcohol, a hooka. Earlier we'd got 2 frozen pizzas from a grocery store and we forgot to put them on a pan. So one of them was salvageable but the other one got doughy and melted between the grates in the oven.
I had some wine and vodka was getting pretty drunk. It was about 50/50 guys and girls. Almost none of the guys spoke english but I'd say slightly over half of the girls spoke basic english. I talked and danced with (in other words a couple of us were dancing in the main area) a couple of them drunkenly and awkwardly. Now this apartment was on the top floor of a building and had this nice little balcony you could walk out onto, it was only maybe a foot wide but about 25 feet long. Had a metal guard rail. You could look out over Paris, it was getting dark, could see the Eiffel tower all lit up.

I talked with one girl who asked me what the word for a limousine passing by was in English, stating that it was limousine in french. I told her it was the same in English and she got all surprised and then went and told her friends that (or at least I assume because she was speaking french but I heard her say the word limousine). Later, two different girls came up to me speaking to each other in French. One of them laughs, and then says to me, "She said she wants to have sex with you."
Now, I'll have you know at this point in time I was 16 and a kissless virgin. I had no idea how to react and kind of just stood there. They both looked at me oddly and then she repeated herself once more, as if she wasn't sure if I understood her. I mumbled "okay," and walked away. The rest of the night was ok if a bit subdued with the biggest event trying to keep the owner of the apartment (Apparently the school the guy I was exchanging with was very expensive and prestigious so this kid having an apartment wasn't out of the ordinary) alive as he was absolutely wasted. Some of the girls helped get him into his bed and were checking to make sure he didn't puke and die or anything.

Thats pretty much it for that specific event. I regret not fucking getting some french action while I was there. I've since lost my virginity but still, being able to say you lost it in France? (With looking back what had the potential to be a three way???)

>>7626105
>I was at a party
kafka would never do this

>>7626114
Is the setting necessary for the implied similarities in structure and meaning?

The way the story is told and/or the interesting and peculiar aspects that differentiate it from normal everyday interactions are what make it memorable, not the setting.
At its core its still a story of being unable to fulfill others wishes, even if you would like to, and being forlorn. Yet, that isn't to say you couldn't have changed it by doing things differently.

>>7621231
underrated

>>7623251
>>7623840
the only kafkaesque posts ITT

>>7625675
>In 7th grade one day my entire school pretended like I didn't exist.

Did acid and I had a very similar experience.
Entered full solipsism mode, nothing was real, I was not real, my life was concentrated into a single moment in time and just kept repeating in an infinite loop, I went absolutely fucking nuts and I'm surprised I walked out of it not-schizo

>>7624305
What's the third policeman? It was The Nose by Gogol

>>7621097

thread peaks

>2016
>thinking any story but The Burrow exemplifies the kafkaesque most accurately

average greentext story itt goes like
>bad thing happened
>i couldn't do anything!! kafka pls help
>it was totally random guys i swear

S M H

>>7626223
A novel by Brian O'Nolan. The writing style is eerily similar.

>>7624305
wat, the only similarlity is there is a policeman.

>>7626484
If you're only capable of comprehending basic plotlines, then yes.

The postman from the video game "Majora's Mask" is basically ripped straight out of Kafka's parable "The king's messengers":

They were given the choice of becoming kings or the kings’ messengers. As is the way with children, they all wanted to be messengers. That is why there are only messengers, racing through the world and, since there are no kings, calling out to each other the messages that have now become meaningless. They would gladly put an end to their miserable life, but they do not dare to do so because of their oath of loyalty.

>>7623404
Kafkaesque, isn't it?

>>7621126
>Northcote Reppin

>>7621150
By chance was that Clifton Hill McDonalds?

File: Zhuangzi-Butterfly-Dream.jpg (42KB, 384x296px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 384x296px

>>7625428
Makes me wonder what Kafka would think Zhuangzi.

>>7621747
I think a long, low level anxiety wait stemming from an absurd cause is quite Kafkaesque. Saying he had to wait for dawn to progress was the line that sold it for me. Then again, I don't have a good handle on Kafkaesque either.

>>7624379
>that's more like kafkaish

kek

>>7626538

Are you talking about 'The Imperial Message'?

>>7626835
No, I am talking about The King's Messengers, the parable I posted in the very post you are replying to.

He wrote a lot of those tiny parables and shortstories and they are very fun to read, I recommend them. Sometimes they aren't more than two sentences.

Like this: (translated from the top of my head)
Leopards came into the temple during worship and drank up all the temple water. This happened so often that eventually it could be predicted and became part of the worship.

>>7626846
I'm looking through my copy of the complete short stories by Kafka and I can't find 'The King Messengers' that you mentioned for some reason, but I found 'The Imperial Message'.

Are they two completely different Parables then?

>>7626867
Yes, The Imperial Message is much longer.

http://zork.net/~patty/pattyland/kafka/parables/parables.htm

The parable I am talking about is listed here as "Couriers".

Worked in sales for a large, international telecom company that concentrated on business phone systems. Worked for about 1.5 years as a bullshit phone jockey entry level salesman because once promoted you can make absolute bank. Finally pay my dues, have the best #s out of 40 people or so and I hear a new promotion class is coming up. Kick ass and take names, have top #s again. Company ends up promoting a chick I sat next to who had been there for 6 months. Incompetent, ghetto, buttt was black, female, and a single mother. HR's wet dream. They promote her instead of me. I type up my 2 weeks notice right then and there and handed it to my supervisor who absolutely loved me, but doesn't blame me since she knows how much bullshit it was that I didn't get promoted.

Had saved up a lot of money by then, ended up packing up my SUV and driving the USA for 6 months camping, visiting friends, and visiting national parks. Get a call from my buddy I worked with about a month later. Chick had been stealing from our self-serve cafeteria/snack lounge. They trained her for a full month for the next position, and fired her on her first real day of work on the sales floor. Obviously had been stealing for some time and had received multiple warnings. That bloated, bureaucratic company hired someone for the sake of affirmative action, wasted their money and time on her, and was forced to fire her since she was stealing from the cafeteria/snack lounge. QT 3.14 supervisor who liked me so much texted me and said I'd be guaranteed the next promotion if I come back and work. I took a picture of the mountains in the national park I was in and said "No thank you, I'm fine".

fin

>>7626930
Not Kafkaesque.

>>7626980
It would be Kafkaesque if they were the only pair of scissors in existence.

>>7623317

Yes, that is what The Metamorphosis is about.

Kafkaesque usually signifies the mood of absurdity, senselessness, surrealism, and disorienting distortion that Kafka's work evokes. It can be used just as an adjective relating to Kafka's specific books and their themes, such as Gregor's inability to provide etc., so you're not incorrect, but it's not that common. The guy you're responding to is obviously using Kafkaesque in the first and primary meaning.

None of you are idiots, you are both beautiful and worthwhile human beings :) <3

>>7621062

It was a dream, so it's cheating. I was in a small room with a mirror. My reflection slowly melted and morphed into something dark and evil. I was scared shitless, and ran out the only door in the room, behind me. I found myself in the exact same room, in front of the mirror, my reflection slowly melting and morphing...

>>7627021
Plus you don't need the scissors for anything else.

>>7624202

>and just judging by his pictures and what he says, I'm fairly sure he's addicted to opiates.

Uh-huh. How do you tell?

And honestly, I can understand you'd feel bad, but doesn't it feel selfish as fuck? The whole, oh, woe is me, I emotionally abused this kid, poor me.

>>7621062
Serving in the military in general. The harder you work,the more work you're given as you've proven your ability to perform the tasks, while the less effort you put into doing things, the less work is given to you. The military rewards you for slacking off and punishes you for doing what you're supposed to do.

>>7625672

Stop smoking weed. You've fucked yourself really good. Weed before 18-20 causes major IQ loss.

You can get back a lot of what you've lost, but at any rate, stop digging your grave deeper. Quitting weed isn't hard either. A few weeks of spotty sleep and sweating, no worse than a mild flu.

Or keep it up and permanently fuck your life, I don't really care. It's your choice. I just want you to know that the idea that weed is harmless is the lamest meme of them all. About half of my close acquintances smoke weed regularly. Of those 20 some people, there is just one who manages to function properly, and hasn't turned into an insufferable faggot and total mind-numbed idiot. He still dropped out of my country's equivalent of high school 3 times and is currently finishing it in a school for adults. Bear in mind he is the brightest of the lot.

Weed is mostly harmless in moderation. Trouble with it is that it seems so harmless, so some people believe they can do it every day or 5 days a week. They cannot. They will almost always turn into huge faggots.

>uni first semester
>hooking up with a few girls
>one, I don't like that much
>black out drunk once, she said I got "aggressive"
>I asked everyone who was there(we were never alone together) about it and they didn't say anything of the sort
>she reported me to the uni
>have to do an alcohol education program but its fine
>a month later she brings sexual harassment charges
>I write a response telling my side of it
>Witnesses are interviewed
>While the investigation is going on I have to move to another residence hall and not go near my old one
>she decides to bring another charge, rape, one of the times we hooked up
>I write a response telling my side of the story
>She brings another charge
>I write another report
>Don't hear from the school for months
>Over christmas break, about 3 months after the first accusation and 4 months after the events, I get cleared of the charges
>Trying to move back into my room with my awesome roommates
>She threatens to call the police though she doesnt have any kind of charge
>I stay in my other room because I dont want to deal with any more of her shit and she'd probably report me for weed or something
>Found innocent but still have to act like a guilty man because someone doesnt like me

>>7627132

Do you know what her issue is with you? And what is she like?

tbqh, I'm sort of doubting that it's even real. It may very well be some MRA-shilling. Then again, some bitches are crazy.

Tell me more.

File: IMG_2601.jpg (1MB, 2048x1322px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2048x1322px

In my big chem lecture and there are 4 big gray doors behind the desk. Throughout the entire class there was something incredibly loud banging behind the door, and even one time someone/thing pulled on the door. Not one single person beside myself even made an effort to recognize it, they were all so focused on the lecture. It was honestly horrifying me(for a reason I can't really say) and it seemed I was the only one aware enough to have it effect me.

Also

Realize the other night i haven't eaten all day, buy it's also very late. Rationalize that fast food places will be open so head to the closest mcdonalds. Biking there in the cold and over ice, I even nearly hit a pizza delivery man. Roll up to the door, all lights are on but it it very obvious they have cleaned up and closed the inside. I still try the door anyway but it is locked. Ride into the drivethrough, they almost immediately start to take my order. All the sudden all communication stops, I can't get a word out of them. Ride up to the window and asked what happened, ask if I can get my food. They tell me no.
>did I do something wrong?
You don't have a car
>but I can't go inside, and I don't have a car. How do I order then?
>you can't
I was honestly so baffled at that point I just stood there and stared at the woman, we just stared at each other. I honestly had 0 ability to get food from there, for the sole reason I wasn't in a car.

>>7627125
That's because the want people who can think beyond immediate gains.

>>7627323
they want*

>>7627125
welcome to government work, son

I've been rolling high for 4 years since I graduated college, gotten periodic paybumps but never a raise, barely do half of my work, just show up on time, leave on time, shitpost on /lit/, hit on my qt mexican cubicle partner, and jerk off in the bathroom

THEY CAN'T FIRE ME AHAHAHAHAHAH

>>7621062
Der Verwandlung war echt scheiße amk

>>7627163
I don't really know. After she reported me for the alcohol violation I didn't really want to hang out with her because I dont want to get fined or kicked out of school because of her reporting me. Also right after she accused me, my friend told me that on her facebook she got back in a relationship with her ex. It's all very unclear.

I'm not much of an MRA honestly ... I think the MRA movement is full of men who are socially maladjusted. I guess that with the new perspective this gave me I'll probably be more skeptical of believing any old rape story.

Also, in an MRA shill I think I would've gotten kicked out of school, when in fact the dean has been very understanding. These cases are usually ruled in favor of the accused if there aren't witnesses, though, because the school doesn't want a reputation of a school rapists go to/a school not safe for girls.

It's a complex, multifaceted problem.

>>7621062
Fell in love with a girl, devoted all my time to her met her really often, but always eluded her parents. Once she wouldn't answer my text messages or my calls for two weeks. At first I thought she may want some time for her self so I stopped trying to reach her, because I didn't want to be intrusive.

But after the two weeks I was just too confused by her behavior so I drove up to her house. Her mother opened the door and I asked if could come in and talk to her daughter. She was silent for quiet a bit until she told me that the girl had been hit by a train and was in the hospital.

I was really struck by the situation so I just said "Thank you. Have a good day." and ran back into my car. I wanted to drive up to the hospital but I passed the train tracks on the way and decided to pull up on the parking lot next to the rail road. From there I walked around 700 meters next to the tracks before just sitting down and crying for hours.

>>7622564
I just want you to know, this story haunted me.

>>7621161
TWEEST

no really, nice

>>7621712
>>7621730
these two posts are great

>>7623251
Was it your first penis inspection?

>>7627647
So, how did it end?

>>7626105
shite

after finishing my degree, i got a temporary utterly unimportant and simple call centre job to tide me by as i got my affairs in order and found a job suited to my degree, and now many years later it's my entire existence working this shitty pointless job worrying about the potential consequences from mysterious people in authority for doing it wrong

>>7625428
I read this in woody Allen's voice

>>7627823
I calmed down and the next day I visited her. After a month she was able to leave the hospital and committed suicide that day by taking all her medication at once. It was a pretty horrible time for me, I still think it might have been my fault.

>>7627959
Jesus christ that's terrible.

How is any of it your fault though?

>>7622088
seconding this

>>7624365
in media res

Strangest night of my life right here

>be me
>16, upper middle class suburban kid on a summer camping trip with boy scouts in Appalachian Georgia
>lie down to get ready for bed
>fall asleep instantly because of how much we hiked
>start having a really weird dream
>in the dream, I'm at the pool, and I'm getting towel-whipped by a group of middle schoolers
>but instead of fighting back or calling them faggots or something, I'm just sitting there, on the verge of tears, terrified, getting hit by towels
>suddenly one of my friends walks up to me and asks if I'm okay
>wake up extremely confused, but soon relieved because I'm out of that absurd fucking dream
>suddenly hear "Yo anon, so are you good dude?" from the other side of the tent
>"yeah, why?"
>"you were moaning really loudly"
>nervous laughter
>"oh yeah, I had a fucked up nightmare"
>"what was it?"
>"uh...it's a long story"
>"I don't care, let's hear it. I haven't been able to fall asleep"
>"yeah so, I was getting...like...whipped by this girl...but not like that...with a towel...at the pool..."
>no response
>"could you... just pretend you never heard that for me?"
>"yeah, sounds good. I'm going to bed now. if you get whipped to hard in your sleep, this time try to keep it down a bit"
>leave the tent to go take a piss
>dark as shit, but I left my flashlight in my pack
>stumble around in pitch black until I reach a meadow nearby the woods we were in
>start pissing, just staring at the beautiful scenery of the mountains and the wild flowers
>realize there are no bugs out
>decide the conditions are optimal for taking a shit
>find a tree to hold on to and some bushes to wipe my ass with
>get naked from the waist down, not trying to get shit on my only pants
>start pooping
>it's messy work
>fast forward about 20 minutes, trying to finish up
>see a light and hear a group people coming from the opposite direction of the campsite
>instantly regret pooping so close to the trail
>try to hide behind a bush while they pass
>assume it's just some other kids from my troop who went on a GP (group poop)
>as they pass, I notice they're dressed in robes and wearing construction boots
>hear one say "It smayulls like coon shit out ere" in a deep ass voice
>another one chuckles and tells him "niggers is scared of the woods"
>wait until they get a little bit further down then wipe my ass and dress myself
>go out and try to catch a look at them
>a few guys in pointy hoods and white robes, another one in purple walking away
>it's the fucking KKK
>wander back to my tent in disbelief, don't even bother telling anyone because they wouldn't believe me

>>7627427
what do you do and how is a paybump different from a raise

>>7628063
are you black? also i don't believe you

>>7627427
Brazil?

File: image.png (281KB, 638x434px) Image search: [Google]

281KB, 638x434px

>>7624365
I would argue that there is an aspect of banality to it

>>7628115
this is why i think my life >>7627867
counts as especially kafkaesque compared to the other wacky adventures in this thread

sudden banal sidetracking of the plot into an endless bureaucratic hell rather than a CRAZY ADVENTURE WITH A MAGIC PIXIE GIRL

>>7621062
Having to sign a paper to declare I was not in touch with the Third Reich or any terrorist group, at age 13, in an airplane in 2003
>holidays in the US

As a child I was allergic to bee venom, and I had many boring appointments with an old polish doctor who was ingecting me large doses of bee venom, 15 years later I still don't know if it worked

>>7628065
Technically they are called paysteps. You start getting them in increasing amounts after your first two years of work. They're there to "reward experience" but really it's just a way the lifers who run the union reward themselves without having to actually do anything better. Raises are bigger, and given on a basis of performance, the metric of which is completely unknown to me.

I work for my state's department of public records as a "deputy budget analyst." I make recommendations as to where money goes, and perform some extremely basic computations. When projects go over budget, I usually have to evaluate the report and write an elementary analysis about what went wrong, and if anyone/thing in particular is responsible. I have two cubicle mates who share the exact same job: a cute latina girl barely out of community college (not smart, awful employee, but good enough for government work), and a 30-something fat black guy named Leroy who sleeps most of the day.

My boss is a middle-aged chair force veteran who doesn't give a fuck, is just waiting for his 20 years to be up so he can get his pension and quit. When he goes, I'll probably be promoted.

I get paid about 54k annually before taxes. I'm telling you guys, you're missing out. You know what my major was? Classical Studies. All I had to do was take a couple of online courses on accounting and learn excel to meet the minimum requirements for my position, and the hundreds of ones exactly like it.

>>7628081
US of A

>>7627296
That second one has happened to me too, right down to the shitty weather. Shit sucks

>>7623143
I missed that opportunity my freshman year at Cornell when my roommate at the time insinuated masturbating together just for fun. Now as I'm fully developed sexually, I still think about it every so often.

>>7628167
Get stung by a bee and find out

>>7628687
Pynchon?

>>7627427
tell me how to get your job

I once watched a drunk Irishmen drown while someone beside yelled THIS IS THE LIFE MAN in a completely unironic fashion.

>>7622656

No more dumb than I was. It's not something you'd expect, not at that age, not on a playground, during recess.

>>7623006

Once, I was in the car on the way home from work, stuck in traffic. I was letting people in because things were going slow anyways, and it made me feel like a good samaritan.

I changed the radio station, and it was the traffic report, talking about a semi stalled in the right lane leaving (area I was leaving) and I think about how funny a coincidence it is, that I was just there. As traffic crawls forward, I notice the lane beside me is now mostly empty ahead, and think that that's funny, that all the cars switching lanes made a large gap later on.

Then I see the stalled semi, right before I drive by it, right after the traffic report moves to commercial.

>>7627765

Writing it out was mildly therapeutic, and it seems likes something else, to read about it, without much detail. It's the memory that still haunts me. For some reason I can't forget the texture and size of the jump rope. I still remember it's exact shade of purple, and how it was so long and he was so short that even with it bundled up, draped over his shoulders, a loop of it still dragged on the ground.

I think I saw him wrap it around his neck at some point during recess, to measure it, but the detail didn't register at first, because it looked like he was just playing around, he didn't restrict his airway in any way at all when it did it, he didn't choke himself.

The worst part is, if he'd done it, it probably wouldn't have worked. The play-bridge he planned to do it from was fairly high above ground, but the rope was so long, he would have just fallen, and not far enough to even get seriously injured.

He was too young to think it through.

>>7629062
You just keep making it worse

>>7628794
w2c ur lyf?

On the way back from a family road trip to Flordia, I fell asleep in the back of the car. I'm not sure how long I was out, but when I woke up, the whole inside of the car was lighting up with blue and red light. My father had been pulled over for speeding.

While he was talking the officer standing at the driver's side door, another officer was standing right outside my window. When I picked my head up to get a look at her, she pointed her flashlight at me and started clicking it off and on, off and on, while staring into my eyes and smiling.

Ill never forget how uncomfortable her expression made me.

>>7629328
Vietnam

>>7624385
You missed an "s" on your name.

>>7623126
Shit, for some reason this one gave me chills

>>7628757
>>7628245

>>7629516
me2

>>7623006
Did you write this?

>>7629579
I did.
Me. Anonymous.

I'm an employed and successful engineer that is anti-materialist in the purest sense and neoplatonic.

I also developed nihilist tendencies after watching E7 back when it aired.

>>7629605
>I also developed nihilist tendencies after watching E7 back when it aired.

>E7
>Nihilistic tendencies
That show might be one of the stronger, well made cases of "the power of love/lover conquers all" that I can think of. How'd you get nihilism out of all of the love and hardwork and hope everyone in the show had/went through?

>>7629605
My point is I don't do or act the way I believe for reasons I don't fully understand.
I'd also nominate the time where I convinced myself that a lanky alien was refilling my nightly glass of cranberry juice for me when I was 6, and when an elk trying to charge me suddenly stopped and began eating some mushrooms on the ground. I of course shot it but gave it away because I couldn't eat something that would do that.
>>7629617
It's a romanticism I've never found in my world. I was 17 and decently cheerful, but watching that made me realize I'll never find that feeling in anything but forced in myself.

That's why I think it's strange.

>>7629629
>It's a romanticism I've never found in my world. I was 17 and decently cheerful, but watching that made me realize I'll never find that feeling in anything but forced in myself.
I understand very well - I got a similar feeling when I watched the show, though I was a few years younger than 17.

File: news-14-05-leyland-kirby_0.jpg (651KB, 1200x1200px) Image search: [Google]

651KB, 1200x1200px

>>7629062
>>7622564
You write well and make it so I imagine what i'd rather not, yet it's beautiful.

>>7629631
What is E7?

>>7629605
>>7629617
>>7629629
>>7629631
What's E7?

>>7625675
Is your name Eric Cartman?

>>7629579
Ye

Then I posted it in the critique thread because nobody responded

So is Kafkaesque just when something is weird and unexpected? And a little sad too?

>>7629837
No, that's not it at all

I post on a website where everybody pretends to be gravely serious on inane bullshit, but nobody really is, but everybody thinks everybody else is.

>>7629880
Prove it

> Make projects for road building for living
> Win a tender for cleaning a river
> Visit the place
> Dozens of people live basically in the river
> The mountain fell apart so the river is 15 meters higher than it should be
> One family lost a child because of the river
> The government pours money into cleaning the river over and over rather than give these people houses in somewhere safe
> We do the project for cleaning it out while saying everywhere that it is stupid
> Some time later after they gave us money they called and said that our project is bad and thereally will be trial against us because we took the money
> Our family is nowhere near to criminal life
> A friend of ours who I personally don't know says he is a friend of the man who wants to put us in jail
> After some talking they are softer on us but we are changing the project again and again for two years now

>>7629649
>>7629807
sE7en

>>7626556
>brunswick > northcote

>>7621062

>ctrl f
>'no meat touching'
>0 of 0

cmon son

>>7629882
he's already posting there though

>>7625125
I love ur youtube channel

>>7629807
You don't belong here.
>>7629837
Something surreal and confusing and really undescribable as anything other than Kafkaesque.

>>7631067
Was going to tell you I dont have a youtube channel, but then I realized its probably reddit slang for butthole, and I do have one of those. So, thanks, I guess. I love it too.

A work advisor once put me forward for a job interview. It was advertised with bad spelling, and the tagline '***NO EXPERIENCE REQUIRED***'. The office was in a prime location, but felt as though it had been set up in a hurry. It wasn't listed on the intercom outside, the carpet and windows were dirty, and pictures had clearly recently been removed from the walls. Still, the empty fish tank and rubber tree plant had a new, 'fresh from IKEA' kind of quality.

The receptionist was sat in the corner making non-stop calls. She must have invited 15 people in for the same vacancy in the time that I was there, using the same script that she had used when calling me.

I was sat by a smartly dressed black woman who repeatedly complimented how I was dressed, though everything was tinged with sarcasm: 'T'S DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW? NOT MANY PEOPLE WOULD HAVE THE GUTS TO DRESS LIKE THAT, BUT YOU'RE REALLY PULLING IT OFF!' She was called through to interview first, and reappeared about two minutes later to strut out of the exit, winking at the receptionist.

Before I was summoned myself, a managerial-type ushered a large team of suited men and women into a minivan outside. They were all laughing, patting each other on the back and spouting TV business cliches like a piece of stock footage. The van didn't seem large enough to hold the amount of people going into it. I had the horrible feeling that I was going to be mugged in the next room, or that the walls of the office were going to collapse like a cardboard movie set and reveal some strange conspiracy.

When the boss eventually greeted me, he kept laughing about how we shared the same first name. He was a very short, young Asian man in an ill-fitting suit. I still had no idea what the position was at this point, but he insisted that my resume was great, and that I would be able to learn everything first hand by tagging along to a conference that they were holding that afternoon.

File: image.jpg (79KB, 319x750px) Image search: [Google]

79KB, 319x750px

I'm studying to be a lawyer but in my heart I just want to create literature.

>>7621314
Tao Lin?

>>7626473

The Burrow...the one about the giant ass mole that no one would believe was real?

>>7621354
What city/state?

>>7629644

Thank you for your kind words.

>>7632271
no, the narrated by a normal-sized mole who builds a bigass labyrinth underground and gets paranoid someone will seize it or that someone may be living in it the whole time, and who considers going outside to see if his burrow is unseen from outside

>>7623161
please, no meat touching ma'am

i took shrooms for the first time in amsterdam. we were laying around in a park then like ten herons turned up and formed a rough circle a few metres around us

>>7625675
I went to a Quaker school, too. It was very kafkaesque desu

>>7632013
And then?

>>7626846
>tfw you've said this exact series of sentences to several people while recommending kafka

it never ends

>>7627647
not kafkaesque

>>7628794
beckettian

>>7629359
Wow.

File: 1444889187853.jpg (306KB, 500x800px) Image search: [Google]

306KB, 500x800px

Dunno how Kafkaesque it is but around this time last year I ended up on a psych ward on two separate occasions, which was plenty fucked up and surreal. the second time I was in I had a copy of Kafka's short stories in my my bag when I was admitted.

>>7622656
I immediately suspected the slipknot would be for a noose senpai