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can you take a look at this story im writing?...
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can you take a look at this story im writing? its very much in early development. (>500 words)

https://www.wattpad.com/208684681-the-tragedy-of-neon-chapter-one
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>>7592154
This is what I was seeing.
>>
>>7592154
I couldn't read beyond the login wall but your prose is very uneven. First you adopt an academic tone which doesn't suit the story using words like: perhaps, assure, chatted, platonic, etc. Then you loosen up and write in a more natural, conversational tone. Compare the narrator's speech to the first paragraph.
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>>7592154
>I pulled one out
Thread replies: 4
Thread images: 2
Thread DB ID: 424426



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