A Story of Chee

you did it. you beat literature... beat her to a stinkin fuckin pulp. aya!!!!!!

Chee approached the edge of the river. Her feet sank into the mud of the bank, sliding up between her toes. Beyond the mud were rocks halfway above the surface. Carefully stepping onto them, she balanced her self and stepped towards the middle of the river. Here the water flowed quickly and was clear and cool. She crouched down, then lowered her gourd, letting the water flow into it. She lifted the gourd and poured the water into her mouth, letting it flow down her cheeks, neck, and breast. Again she dunked her gourd, letting it fill up. After a few more sips, she noticed a twinge. Relaxing, she let herself make water, freely flowing into the river and being carried away.

Standing up, she wobbled back over the rocks and took a leap that sailed her over the mud of the bank. Back on her trail, she casually walked along, looking around for anything edible. Hidden behind a tree, Chee spotted a number of small green sprouts sticking out of the earth. Kneeling down, she carefully pulled one by its base. Out of the ground came a thick, brown tuber. Chee began to eat. When the taste of the dirt passed, the tuber itself left a hearty, satisfying taste in her mouth.

You're gonna have to do better than *that* if you want to EARN mommy's love!!!!

>>7575604
>a leap that sailed her over

crawl back to conde nast

>>7575604
>she balanced her self
back to Pao, now

>>7575604
>dunked
>onomatopoeic verbs
>2016

Take a good long look at the "r" key on your keyboard, then press it (while the selector cursor is in the top bar. Tell me what it says. Tell me where you belong.

>>7575459
>moss covered
>no hyphen

I'll crime in your hymen

>>7575459
>The seed was hard and bitter on the outside, Chee had to soften it with her saliva for a while, before she locked it between her back teeth and bit down.

RUN ON!!!

>>7575459
>Once cracked open, soft wet pod inside slipped out into her mouth.

Hey, you dropped something. Does this belong to you?:

"a"

Yoor a wacky editor, my friend.

>>7575459
>She then chewed up the seed pod, and swallowed the mascerated treat with one large gulp.

why "then"? why ","? why "mascerated"? (not a word)

>>7575641
It's just you,

and me,

and
my

fat

FUCKIGN

DICK!!!!

>>7575604
>After a few more sips, she noticed a twinge. Relaxing, she let herself make water, freely flowing into the river and being carried away.

piss

>>7575604
>Hidden behind a tree, Chee spotted a number of small green sprouts sticking out of the earth.

ooh this one is actually grammatically WRONG. Was Chee hidden behind a tree, or were the sprouts? This is why you don't write things go backsy round like.

sure, but what about the concept? obviously my prose is bad. thats not the point

>>7575650
A girl roots through the forest, eating, drinking and pissing—

I like the concept, however the idea of the girl pissing made my castration anxiety flare up. If you made her a shemale that would be great.

Also, if there's gonna be drinking, pissing, and eating, the square must be completed by the dark presence of shit.

It's not as hot as watersports, but you can't leave it out, or else you'd have to get rid of another part of the square.

I recommend that you use the verb "extrude"

>>7575667
ha ha this bastard gets it. in the next part, she finds a fruit tree, eats too much and gets the shits. she also pisses in her sleep, then throws all the leaves out and stamps them down. then she falls into a patch of nettles and is crying and bleeding.

now we got blood and tears in there.

>>7575673
then, she is attacked by a hog. she runs up the tree to escape, but eventually jumps down, grabs her spear, and skewers the beast. when she cuts open its belly a bunch of baby hogs come out, half developed. she eats them, along with the placenta

>>7575673
woah, but that means we need to have sweat, too! sweeat (portmanteau)...

I have never smelled a woman's sweat, but because I'm so alone and desperate even the thought that it was from a girl would probably "do something" for me, even if it was the case that it was entirely in my mind.

Because isn't that always the case? Even when you get to fully HD reality, you only ever fuck what's in your mind. I know that's a sophistic thing that dumb kids say, but it's still true. It's not useful, but it's true. Sorry

>>7575678
of course then she runs into a man, a beast of a man. she avoids him and acts coy, and eventually has semi-consentual sex with him. we later find Chee pregnant and having pains. as suggested by the hog, Chee has a miscarriage and her baby comes out half formed. does she bury it or eat it? unclear

What do YOU know what it is to be a woman, anyway?

Buzzfeed/Slate headline 2017:

WOMEN AREN'T REAL. JUST SUCK A DICK, SISSY, IT'S ALL THE SAME, IT'S ALL LOVE. DON'T YOU LOVE LOVE? IF YOU DON'T YOU HAVE TO STARVE TO DEATH. SISSY

>>7575680
good point. Chee hikes up the hillside in the sun, to where she knows the fruit tree is productive this time of year. the hike makes her sweat and pant. its just running down her head and back. it also makes her stink badly.

also, yeah the reality is just a waking dream. a old jap might say something like that. but anyway, full HD reality is just so complete. if only our hardened little minds could stop filtering it all out. so maybe this will trick bastards into that.

I'll be fully honest, OP.

I ate a whole row of Double Stuff Oreos (zero irony, zero joking here. full disclosure) and the chemicals have been fucking with my mind. I've been having mood swings all day and they're the culprit.

So I'm high energy but low focus when it comes to this, the "make or break" case of my whole career.

And I have to confess, even in a sober state I'd be a poor judge of literature. I hate reading and I find it boring. In an abstract sense I can tell when there are minor picayune errors (all of which, nonetheless, must be ironed out completely if one is to seek publishment), but you could be god himself telling me about the lives of his own angels and I'd be too sad disaffected bored and uncomfortable to hear him out or grow attached

you'll have to put it in a pastebin and post it in a crit thread, I guess

I also know that this "hyperreal" confession/self-aware acknowledgement has long since run its course and ceased to be entertaining, exciting, or new.

Even the method itself is now functionally sterile. But I have nothing else, and I have to explain myself, so it has to suffice.

>>7575690
far too much self-awareness for a 4chan post. isnt this where dumb people come to pretend to be smart, or pretend that they are smart people acting dumb?

and dont blame it on an undigested bit of beef

ultimately, the writing itself is totally meaningless. at least, i give it virtually no meaning. because i just wrote it on the spot for fun. to provoke some people who want to demonstrate themselves. good or bad, who cares.

>>7575695
so sensing that it has become cliched, you then opt for a meta-hyper-real confessional post. brilliant.

>>7575690
besides, shuffling the responsibility of opinion onto some hypothetical, open minded, unsaturated mind is absurd. i wrote it for no one but myself, and if the written nail cant penetrate the thick patina of bitterness and numbness that grips my mind, then thats the fact. it cant penetrate yours either.

>>7575704
I could become like an onion, and bring nothing but tears and bitterness wherever I go

>>7575709
if you could wrench a tear from my stone eye i would give you a god damned award.

>>7575707
that imagery is gay A.F. senpai

>>7575713
ill suck that imagery of dicks right out of your ass