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Critique my writing. I'm on track to...
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You are currently reading a thread in /lit/ - Literature

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Critique my writing. I'm on track to becoming a professor erotic writer. I don't give a shit about writing patrician level novels anymore. E.L James is worth 50+ million dollars because she wrote a fan fiction turned erotic novel. Sex sells.

Anyways, here it is.

"Hey handsome! I love you," she said. She turned around and shoved her ass in front of my face. I smelled her butt like a wolf; I wanted to make sure there is no tuna smell waffling.

"I love you too," I said and winked at her. The loud music was hurting my ears. Maybe I'm just getting old. It's time to get some pussy tonight; I need to make sure the "plumping" downstairs still works.

I leaned closer to her.

"You come with me?" I said.
"Come with my handsome? Okay!" she smiled. My type of lady. I handed some money over to mama-san, usually an older woman who is the manager of the bar. Everytime a customer leaves with a dancer, he pays a bar fine.

We took the taxi to the hotel.

Pattaya, the city of sin. Good men die and go to heaven; bad boys go to Pattaya - or so the story goes. Pattaya is all about value.

Rich men could fornicate with expensive hookers in Las Vegas and Macau. Regular Joes like me go to Thailand for cheap beer, amazing food and pussy. The type of pussy that smells like flower after a rainy afternoon.
I smelled my ex-wife's pussy once - I put my nose in there and vomitted my lunch. The next day I did it again, just to re-enforce the experience. Call me a trooper, my friend.

Thailand, the land of smile. Pattaya, the city of sin. We're all sinners. I have to sin some more before I go to hell.

My kids are all grown up now. One of them went to medical school and is now a doctor. Another started his own business. I very proud of them.

What's more, I'm very proud of myself because I'm getting 21 years old pussy tonight!

She leaned over and kissed me.

"What's your name," I said.
"That a very pretty name, for a pretty lady." I winked at her.

>picture related, me and my ex-waifu (japanese)
I whipped out my key card and kicked open the door.

"Welcome!" I said. "May I get you something to drink?"
"Water?" she said.

I gave her a bottled water; melted water taken from the ice berg somewhere in the north pole - that's what the sticker on the bottle claimed.

I turned on the washroom light and admired myself in the mirror. The beer gut is growing, like a fetus of some sort. I brushed my head and felt a few strands of hair. I love myself.

"Who is awesome? You're awesome." I gave myself an "okay" sign.

On the bed, my new lover was watching TV, a Thai game show of some sort. I kissed her lightly on her forehead and she giggled.

"Thank you, handsome." she said.

"No, thank you, pretty." I said and bowed to her. In Thailand, people show respect by pressing both palms together and putting it on their forehead.
"Can I smell you?" I asked.
"Okay handsome."

She spreaded her legs open, like an eagle soaring above the sky. I planted my nose between her legs. Hmm, smelled like orange, apples and flowers.

Outside, drunken people were shouting incoherent sentences. Cars and motorcycles were honking endlessly. This is the sound of Pattaya.

They call Thailand the land of smiles. It's also the land of fresh smelling pussy. The kind of pussy that if you smell it, you gain 3 extra years on your life. That's why I smell fresh pussy every morning.
>writing patrician level novels
it's a good thing you quit trying
I dropped my pants and spinned my penis. Because I was over weight, my penis was hiding underneath a small hill of fat. Not a problem, ought.

"Can you ..." I smiled at her. She nodded and began stroking my andaconda. Like a serpent revived from death. my andaconda woke up and grew long. Before I knew it, my serpent touched my left knee. My lover gasped.

"Amazing!" she said.
"Hmm, yes" I said, as I spinned my penis some more. She giggled and slapped my leg.

For 30 years, I worked for an insurance company. I climbed the corporate ladder and provided for my family. I bought the house in the suburb, the muscle car when I reached 40, I got the white picket fence. I had it all and now I'm in Thailand spinning my dick in front of a 21 years old.
Sorry son but my erotic novel is patrician tier.

>me and my cute ex wife
>I smelled her butt like a wolf
10/10 next James Joyce
Life is good.

Like a high powered vacuum, she sucked my tool. I closed my eyes and saw God. He told me to keep doing what I was doing. "Thank you, God." I winked at him.

Resting my belly fat on top of her, I humped her like my life depended on it. During that moment, nothing in life mattered. My bank account, my accomplishments, my job title. I am nothing but a biological machine humping another biological machine. I'm a big, bad boy.

Beads of sweat dripped down my back like a river. The sweat on my butt crack dripped down on the floor, and created a small ocean.

"I'm a fucking bad wolf!" I wimpered. Tears streamed down my eyes. Having sex with this 21 years old is a beautiful experience. Her firm ass, her bouncing tits, her smile that lightens up anyone's day.

"Maya" I said slowly. "Thank you for everything ..."
thank you anon :)
I screamed and she screamed. I came buckets inside her; the condom filled up like a water balloon.

I collapsed and clutched my chest. Another beautiful day on Earth. What more can a man ask for. Some people say Thailand is truly heaven on Earth.

Her skin glistened, her pussy still dripping wet. I placed my nose close to her vagina and inhaled deeply to clear my sinus. Just what the doctor ordered.

I placed money inside an envelope, right next to her purse.

"You come and shower with me?" she said with a smile. I nodded.

The water steamed up the bathroom. Rubbing her petite body somehow curbed my existential angst. I was close to dying because I have diabetes and heart problems. After all, 40 years of eating pizza and drinking soda pop was taxing on the body.

"Bend over," I said. I kneeled down and licked her ass and pussy; it tasted like soap. After fingering her a bit, I stuck my penis inside her without a condom. She moaned in surprise. My serpent was alive and well, ready for a second go.

I'm a biological machine, made out of flesh and blood. And like all biological machine, I will soon expire like expire milk.
Not bad, get anti-imperialist literary professors to condemn it and consequently get tons of publisity.
Obviously your writing is not perfect but the text is funny. I would have lol'ed if i wasn't at work.
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