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Well, /lit/ quick question.
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Thread replies: 21
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Well, /lit/ quick question.

My girlfriend loves poetry... and I'm more of a philistine.

That said, she always cared about my interest. Our anniversary is coming up, and I decided to try and learn a bit. I read a few of the classics, from Poe, Goethe, Whitman, in order to get just a smidge of inspiration and write her a short poem as a gift. Aside a real gift ofc.

Here's what I got.

I know it's not the best, but its inspired in a year we spent apart, and I think I could use your input to make it better.

Thanks.
>>
Replace 'Julia' with whatever your gf's name is:

Display thy breasts, my Julia, there let me
Behold that circummortal purity;
Between whose glories, there my lips I’ll lay,
Ravished in that fairVia Lactea.
>>
>>7566956
¿For what better that travelling alone? Thought the captain in his rotted wood throne.
On the night of heavy rain and violent storm someone stood at the boardwalk--
The captain gazed through his window at the soaked, delightful figure.
He helped the young lavender dress maiden come aboard, helping her with her gear.
For three months they sailed together, at first cautious then calm as the weather.
They knew that it was no more than a temporary arrangement, at most it was entertainment.
With the shore nearing, they ignored the conditions.
They fell for each other with no inhibitions.
Yet they always had present that they had no future;
It was a teary eyed goodbye they pretended not to care about.
Defeated the captain took to his quarters and found a rose colored letter.
“Hold this close to you Captain, for I will come back. I will meet you or you will meet me,
And we will love each other whether sooner or later.”
He wrote back, but only one time, and it was then the first time that he did not lie.
His heart was hers fully when he penned ‘Forever yours truly.’
The first days were pain and the Captain repented.
Not once before had he fell for a maiden.
Pain became sorrow, and sorrow gave on to memories.
He doubted the word of the damsel, if they would be together.
He cherished their time, and if that goodbye, he could think of worse ones.
And so this love story often came to conclusion.
They both wondered if there was a point to delusion.
Years went by, separated by ocean,
The captain grew older without his maiden.
It seemed not sane to carry devotion.
Moored and between swigs of rum, his thoughts where unbound
What if for her travels another ship she had found?
He always had promised to love her,
Would that be enough to lead her back to familiar waters?
The captain sat up glum, the end of the bottle marked the beginning of dawn.
Asking these questions led to dark places, and the heart paces
He thought not more of darkness,
and fell asleep into the three months of calmness.
From the dock a figure waited,
In a lavender dress her fate contemplated.
>>
Just replace the name with whatever your girlfriend's is

My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over to me with a whore's glow in your slumberous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover's fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometimes too I shall surprise you asleep, lift up your skirts and open your drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling's cunt. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sleep. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your cunt is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.

Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.
>>
>>7566956
>Our anniversary is coming up
>a year we spent apart

JUST
>>
>>7566977
That year was a long time ago.
>>
>>7566956
Well, I guess /lit/ is memes.

Anyhow, can I at least get something to read? A couple of suggestions would be nice. I enjoyed Poe the most.
>>
Uuuuuuung I wanna touch that silky silt hnnnnng
>>
>>7566972
>>7566972

i think it's wonderful, man. but why the upsidedown question mark? i would tell you to clean up the metre, but it reads better a little messy imo
>>
>>7567041
Thanks mate, I think wonderful is a bit too far.

Thought I cleaned it up a bit.

For what better that travelling alone? Thought the captain in his rotten wood throne.
On the night of heavy rain and violent storm someone stood at the boardwalk--
The captain gazed through his window at the soaked, delightful figure.
He led the young lavender dress maiden aboard, helping her with her gear.
For three months they sailed together, at first cautious then calm as the weather.
They knew that it was no more than a temporary arrangement, at most, entertainment.
With the shore nearing, they ignored the conditions.
They fell for each other with no inhibitions.
Yet they always had present that they had no future;
It was a teary eyed goodbye they did not want to dignify.
Defeated the captain took to his quarters and found a rose colored letter.
“Hold this close to you Captain, for I will come back later.”
He wrote back, but only one time, and it was then the first time that he did not lie.
His heart was hers fully when he penned ‘Forever yours truly.’
The first days were pain and the Captain repented.
Not once before had he fell for a maiden.
Pain became sorrow, and sorrow memories.
He doubted the word of the damsel, if they would be together.
He cherished their time, and if that was goodbye, he could not think of worse ones.
And so this love story often came to conclusion.
They both wondered if there was a point to delusion.
Years went by, separated by ocean,
It seemed not sane to carry devotion.
Moored and between swigs of rum, his thoughts where unbound
What if for her travels another ship she had found?
He always had promised to love her,
Would that be enough to lead her to familiar waters?
The captain sat up glum, the end of the bottle marked the beginning of dawn.
Asking these questions led to dark places.
He thought no more of darkness,
and fell asleep into the three months of calmness.
From the dock a figure waited,
In a lavender dress her fate contemplated.
>>
>>7567094

>rhyming alone with throne
>rhyming conclusion with delusion
>rhyming unbound with found
>rhyming darkness with calmness

J U S T F U C K M E U P

U

S

T

F

U

C

K

M

E

U

P


asdasfasfasdasdasdasfasfasfasfsdfgfsgaefraw<sda<wsfcaefa
>>
Whenas in silks my Julia goes,
Then, then (methinks) how sweetly flows
That liquefaction of her clothes.

Next, when I cast mine eyes, and see
That brave vibration each way free,
O how that glittering taketh me!
>>
>>7567094
This is just prose that rhymes. If you are going to write archaic styled poetry, at least use a metre.
>>
>>7567175
Could anyone point me in the right direction to learn more? Honestly most poetry reads to me as prose that rhymes.
>>
>>7567433
Why don'y you ask your gf or the great Oracle at Google.com

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/learning/glossary-terms?category=all
>>
Your a fucking faggot and you got cucked during that year separation
>>
>>7567470
i was going to type a comeback but I figured you get enough of those of off your gfs face.
>>
>>7567094
Don't do it anon. Its really not very good. "Forever yours truly, fell for each other, teary eyed goodbye." Those are just three of your cliches. The writing is not very good. Its too prosaic, as others said, and not powerful. As a reader of poetry, she will see this, but of course she will be nice to you because girls cannot tell a harsh truth. Im not being mean when i say you are out of your depths. If you decide to ignore me and go ahead, she will cringe.
>>
>>7568025
Thanks m8. Will def not send.
>>
>>7567433
Western Wind by Nims is the best book to learn from. It isn't cheap but you could get it from a library maybe or buy a used copy of an earlier edition
>>
>>7568198
Thanks brethren. Will try to find.
Thread replies: 21
Thread images: 1
Thread DB ID: 411674



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