>>7555407 >Trying to find and download John Meacham's American Lion because I'm really into american history as of late >Read Washington:A Life and a bunch of TR books >People recommended American Lion >Can't find it anywhere, pdf or epub
>>7555407 >I should get a job >I should get new friends >I don't know how to make new friends >I should buy a camera and get into photography >I should read more >What is art even >tfw I will never be an artist >fuck the whole internet >I need to pee
At first I thought it was funny that I posted here, but the amount of available amusement has gone down precipitously. I don't know why I'm still here. I guess I have this compulsion to be around people and to express myself around people, but I also need distance. Somehow I'm just terrified of the potentialities of others. I'm finally starting to realize some important stuff about myself though and that's good, though it's occurring in a weird way. I seem to be healthier now that I'm unhealthy.
I'm high as hell. I don't read as much as I used to but I am making more money than I used to. I am surprisingly tolerating working in a retail job (le edgy millenial.) /lit/ is youngfag--Ive been here over 5 years and haven't gained much from it aside from the occasional premium philosophical or metaphysical discussion. Good form of communication for young, neurotic males, majority white but many asians, hispanics, and a few 'bougie'-type blacks. The world is in chaos right now. The global financial markets are losing right now. What a time---to be alive; Drake.
Well right now I'm pretty content so I'mma give you some thoughts from an hour or two ago:
I see people clapping at things the live their lives against. Be it in either humility or ambition, the Common Man falls (obviously) in the middle of the spectrum; yet they rejoice seeing people being successful with either of those. While this awakes some resentment in me (their vicarious hypocrisy I mean), I know they couldn't be anything else. Am I then, as an artist, supposed to be some sort of medic? Medicine ought to be taken only occasionally. Am I then not in constant rapture by living inside words? Must I be as a mad man, babbling all the time, to scare those others? I am still very alone then; and I only wanted to talk to people, which is why I picked words as a passion. To be alone is to be open to mockery, spite, envy, rejection. But without the laughter there is no Way, and it's also nature that makes the frog carry the scorpion.
Shouldn't have majored in stem. Only figured out I'm into books and shit after I fucking graduated. Now I find out there's no chemistry jobs and I wouldn't take them even if there were cause I'd end up killing myself. Fugg.
You know your life is in shambles when jury duty is presents a happy prospect. The worse of the world judging the worst of the world, a "jury of one's peers". I wonder the true distance between culprit's seat and my own. Is it a matter of will and stupidity, or boredom only?
Will I see her again? Will my feelings, or hers, change? Am I really that much of a fucking pussy? Will she forget me? I need to shave my balls. Maybe I can fuck the side chick, but I am not sure yet. If she pussies out on me again it is the last time I waste my time on her.
>>7555407 i've been doing a lot of reading on culture and your respective culture effects you as an individual and how it'll effect your life. I'm currently writing a research paper on the subject for fun. I'd post it now but i'm drunk and also if I have the same idea when I sober up i'll be making it into a video essay.
I apologize for any fuck ups in advance , whether I'm on the wrong board/i'm boring/ any grammar issues as i'm not sober haha.
>>7555407 I finished the short story yesterday, I deserve to masturbate to some raunchy stuff on /gif/ and play a third game of Dota 2. It's become hard to distinguish my thoughts from the whispers of the Devil; it's probably best to start praying again.
My son died. I am a 22 year old guy. And my little boy left before me. I didn't even find out he was mine until after. His mother died 5 years ago. He lived in an orphanage. I'd always wanted to adopt him. But I took too long to get my shit together. Now what do I do? I don't want to go anywhere from here. I just want to go back.
I'm a filmmaker. Been visiting /lit/ lately because the average moviegoer is a complete moron and I wanted to pursue something more intellectual. Though I'm slowly realizing that I'm not smart enough to write anything legitimate (not sure about certain grammar rules and punctuation usage).
In short: the modern movie landscape is dumb. But I'm too dumb for /lit/.
Sadly I have to go out tonight Never went to a karaoke. Gonna limit myself to two beers. I hope people there are really cool. I might know 1/9 of them. Society sees my mixed traits as extremely ugly and are unconfortable around me. I can't even fake I'm rich anymore. My degree is useless in life and I have to study. My soul will be gone by the time I graduate. Everything is going to be ok. I feel bad that exercising misoginy makes me feel better.
I keep coming back to the image of St. Martha's dragon. She presented a crucifix to it and threw holy water on it, and it came to heel "like a lamb". Then, with its newly purified consciousness, she took it into town where the townspeople promptly beat it to death. Dragons are lonely creatures. They're monsters in the sense Kierkegaard meant, through no fault of their own. It's no wonder they're associated with the devil.
Human free will is tempered by necessity. From this arises internal conflict and hence all the facts of man's psychic life. The Jungian insight, that man performs magic through these conflicts, reveals the contrast of the dragon's untempered and unrestrained will, which is brought to bear entirely organically. The dragon is a spookless creature, a creature incapable of slave morality. The dragon is perfectly free.
But the absence of constraints also means the absence of commonality. If immortality consists in the fact that there are all those spiritual qualities which live in men and not in any single man, then it is man that is immortal and not the dragon, which perishes forever upon death regardless of its vitality in life. Godlessness is an inherent part of freedom. I conclude that the freedom of a dragon comes at the cost of eternity. And yet, is not the price of something a reflection of its worth?
>>7556158 This doesn't seem terribly abnormal. Are you insecure about your own potential though? The best way to combat that I think is to surround yourself with people you think to be most like yourself. I think I can relate to how you feel , if I'm interpreting you correctly.
I'm currently preoccupied with where I'm going to go with my life. I guess this is normal for any 22 yr old graduate but with temporary summer seasonal positions looming I'm faced with the decision of taking the short term and easy way out or make a committed choice towards a career. Thinking about this is on my mind almost hourly. Its not crippling by any means but certainly a source of anxiety.
That sucks, I'm sorry you're in a stressful position.
I kind of avoided the particulars in my post. I had a psychotic break recently and it led to a variety of personal insights, but I also couldn't find an outlet for my experiences and the stress they caused so I shitposted on numerous boards including this one. That's what I meant when I said I thought it was funny that I posted here originally.
But I've grown a lot recently, maybe. I bought new clothing for the first time in four years for instance. Anyway, hope all goes well for you.
>>7555959 She's making up her mind. She knows you like her but isn't sure if she likes you. Don't be careful with your words, because you'll lose the name of action, which is more harmful than offending her, but be attractive: smile, stand up straight, dress well.
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