>diagnosed autistic as a child
>read a lot of scifi and fantasy from the library
>developed an obsessive fixation on dune
>decided that LSD was the closest approximation to melange
>decided to attempt to become Paul Atreides
>decided to major in philosophy and do tons of acid in college
>spent four years in a psychedelic schizo coma
>now have a useless degree and a brain too fried for grad school
>currently NEET, formerly barista but it didn't pay enough
How have books fucked over your life?
If you actually got enough real LSD to stay lit for four years, I'm jealous and would guess that you went to Brown. That was pretty stupid though. I think very occasional moderate trips on shrooms (like annually) can be productive if your expectations are in the right place. Sorry about your brain.
They helped make me reflective so that I couldn't take my own will to power seriously. Fortunately I still make good money, but I could have been so much more ambitious if I didn't overthink such things.
well basically it went like this
>go to college
>decide that the best way to find acid is to find weed
>decide that the best way to find weed is to smoke cigarettes
>smoke cigarettes at dorms
>ask about weed
>ask about acid
>also research chem websites
>and silkroad (RIP)
but as for actual experiences
>delusions of ego death
>delusions of solipsism
>delusions of autotheism
>delusions of crysanthemums
>delusions of crystals
>delusions of aliens
>delusions of angels
>delusilons of time travel
>delusions of dimensional shifting
>delusions of chronomantic romance
>delusions of necromancy and technomancy
>delusions of illuminati and templar
>delusions of posthumans and singularities
>delusions of grandeur and messianic destiny
>delusions of christ consciousness and VALIS
>delusions of luciferian gnosticism
>delusions of chaos magick
>delusions of astrotheological reference
>delusions of geotrauma and accelerationism
>delusions of thanatropic schizotechnics
>delusions of psychic warmachines
>think I'll get an Econ degree and then an MBA
>do a bunch
>read books about the '60s, leary's writings, &c
>lose it on acid! get suspended! switch to better university
>morning after an acid trip, we're at a bookstore
>find a book by my favorite author
>remember I wanted to be a writer when I was a kid because of the moomin books
>almost crying in the bookstore
>become an English major
Well that certainly impacted my earning potential >I don't regret it
>thought I was smarter than everyone else because of all the things I learned on acid
>girl calls me on it
>realize I'm not that cool
>apologize to her and learn my lesson
>find Amazonian mushrooms
>these are so much better than acid
>buy bunches and give them to people at my festival so they can have great times
>I am a mushroom ambassador
acid is ok
do Amazonian shrooms instead
They're a type of cubensis. Open cap, golden top. Also known as golden teacher.
I'll do other kinds of mushrooms if I have to, or for comparison purposes, but these are the golden ticket.
I felt always as though I were hanging over a void; up there everything that had ever happened to me seemed unreal, and worse than unreal - unnecessary. Instead of joining me to life, to men, to the activity of men, the bridge seemed to break all connections. If I walked towards the one shore or the other it made no difference: either way was hell. Somehow I had managed to sever my connection with the world that human hands and human minds were creating. Perhaps my grandfather was right, perhaps I was spoiled in the bud by the books I read. But it is ages since books have claimed me. For a long time now I have practically ceased to read. But the taint is still there. Now people are books to me. I read them from cover to cover and toss them aside. I devour them, one after the other. And the more I read, the more insatiable I become. There is no limit to it. There could be no end, and there was none, until inside me a bridge began to form which united me again with the current of life from which as a child I had been separated.
>Read Nietzsche, the futurist manifestos, Plato, Giovanni Gentile, Mishima, various French weirdos and so on
>all in my tweens while other kids are out getting handjobs from insecure fat girls and playing hockey
>forgo highschool and only show up to take tests, spend the rest of my time hiking, exercising, undergoing aesthetic experiments, getting involved in politics, experimenting with drugs, and traveling the world
>always be known as "that weird guy"
>only able to relate to about .1% of the population
>rarely talk about myself but when I do people accuse me of lying
Feels aristocratic man
>very occasional moderate trips on shrooms (like annually) can be productive if your expectations are in the right place
i agree fully—twice a year at most. people misuse psychedelics so frequently, it makes my dick hurt.
probably the only right answer in the thread
maybe people see you as weird because you're the type of person to brag about his intellectual enlightenment on an anonymous meme board. You read Mishima? Didn't he say something like "To look down on the ordinary is to despise what you can't have. Show me a man who fears being ordinary, and I'll show you a man who is not yet a man.”
i feel bad for you. moderation in everything, especially hardcore hallucinogens. i mean for fuck's sake, you use drugs to gain perspective on occasion, but not as a crutch. as soon as you do, you stop relying on yourself as a baseline. i mean, what the hell did you expect would happen if you used potent hallucinogens regularly during your later mental growth stages? it's almost like you're trying to justify your own incompetence by saying anyone who uses lsd once or twice a year is not gaining anything.
that's a good fear to have. twice a year is an arbitrary amount, but it's a good rule of thumb for me. i also think of shrooms as final exams—i've been learning and growing for (half) a year, and now it's time to synthesize all that input for good.
You fucked over your life, don't blame the books. I'm sure you're not autistic, by the way, it's an umbrella term to avoid saying your parents you're an introvert weirdo, just like ADHD for the badly educated and dyslexia for “slow” illiterate kids.
Guys where do you find lsd or shrooms?? I like drugs etc but its all illegal, only thing i could achieve is dxm but bodyload is so stupid. I thought mushrooms are growing during autumn at fields or something like that? Maybe i should try that
>inb4 go to tor
Neet here, living with my parents
yeah, the mushrooms in your local field are probably good to go. I recommend eating a few of those for a super dope high. At least 3 whole mushrooms. All mushrooms contain psilocybin, the hallucinogen you want.
Also, don't store the mushrooms. Eat them immediately. The reason you can't get high from store-bought mushrooms is because those are stored in refrigerators for weeks before they hit the shelves.
Is everyone here really that illiterate when it comes to TOR, the darknet, and the entire drugmarket of the globe at your fingertips?
Don't take drug advice on anonymous boards either. Some of the trolls are obvious, some are subtle and legitimately dangerous.
>Neet here, living with my parents
That literally changes nothing. Shit comes straight through the letterbox in a discreet package and it's cheap as fuck. Unless your parents fucking check your mail which means you should fuck off underagedb&
Who /psychonaut/ here
Did acid ~25 times last year, up to doses of 1200ug. Have HPPD and feel like I'm slipping into schizophrenia.
Literally fuck off
And I'm interested in psychedelics but that is a terribly misused word
Some have greater or lesser concentrations of psilocybin and instead have psilocin, baeocystin, norbaeocystin etc and probably unknown alkaloids
Also psilocybin is simply a prodrug of psilocin which is the active chemical what makes you trip
Any correlation between drugs and this game?
and you're a little bitch. perhaps you should eat a large bag of dicks, and kill yourself and your parents.
I wonder how Gaddis would feel, knowing that seventeen years after his death, a picture of himself taken years before he even found success as a writer, would show up next to this comment.
>try shrooms for the first time last March
>Did it with people I thought I could trust
>One of them passes out on the ground and I go into a straight anxiety attack
>Call ambulance because friend fainted and worried about his safety
>cops come instead and take your name down
>never doing drugs again
>feel weird mentally for a week
>out of nowhere have a massive panic attack
>feels like I'm going to die as my chest feels like it's going to explode
>calm down and go back to sleep
>wake up and something is not right
>got hppd from my one time with psychedelics
>can't drink coffee, can't drink alcohol, have difficulty reading
>life has been utter hell since
Kids, never do drugs if you have an anxiety disorder or if you have mental illness in the family. If you do then you're risking your life!
Acid and weed fucks you up in the long run, I used to do acid every 2 weeks for a couple of years, and I've noticed my memory got worse and I still have mild random hallucinations.
This being said, it's pretty fun, if you can, buy a 100 sheet and make it last all your life
>don't do shrooms if you have a mental illness
as a schizotypal weirdo, i disagree. psychedelics + isolation (physical, social) can exacerbate it, no doubt, but i think your issue was trust, not drugs.
I was young, stupid, inherited some money and wanted to experience everything after I recovered from cancer. Acid made me feel alive and fixed my depression, I also got into weird abusive relationship with a girl I fell in love with who ultimately ended up dumping me anyways.
Those were weird times
>tfw used to be a dadrocker in middle school
>cringe at it when I was in high school
>start reading entry level lit and get into music big time
>terrified of coming off as pretentious/insufferable to people because of my memories of being a faggot
Very extreme. I have pretty bad anxiety but it still took more than 15 acid trips before I had a really bad one. It caught up with me in the end, my final few trips became 3 day long panic attacks and huge bats were swooping down from the trees to get me the whole time.
Though I did manage to pause time, see inside my own subconscious, communicate with the future telepathically, have my life force extracted out of my body by deities and wrote words before I wrote them.
I was 19 when I got diagnosed, until then I was that one shy weird guy who only has a couple of acquaintances, didn't really have any social life. My dad died when I was 5 , I guess that fucked my mind a little bit and made me anti social. After a year and a half of chemo (some nasty cancer that required 17 sessions) I started recovering and felt really good, had a lot of confidence, started making friends and talking to everyone. I started enjoying life more, I enjoyed the smallest things and the company of even the dumbest people,life was good.
Then the drugs, abusive relationships and other stuff happened
> be me
> get law degree
> decide to grow weed
> lack sufficient personality to successfully sell and amount
> smoke steadily (erre day) throughout grad school
> achieve 4.0
> start infinite jest, continue smoking
> gradually devolve into neet after graduation
Above mentioned weed runs out in 2 days
Please be true
>To look down on the ordinary is to despise what you can't have. Show me a man who fears being ordinary, and I'll show you a man who is not yet a man.
n o n s e n s e
aristocrats, medieval lords, japanese samurais, whatever
Most rich people, whether self-made or born into it, fear losing their wealth. Once you appreciate how many doors wealth and prestige open for you, losing that doesn't bear thinking about.
I by no means consider that my life has been fucked over because of this but it is relevant and I am happy to post when I have the chance that because of The Ego and His Own, I am a certified shoplifter with prints in the system and all! To abide by the law is to abide by a spook and if you please to entitle yourself to the object of your whimsical desire, deconstruct the law in place for your convenience and abide by what remnant remains in place that appeals to you. I think the devil's temptation went a little something like that, it was a year or so ago so I don't remember word for word.
This desu, everyone in my frat (a drug frat 2bh) has said they've never had a trip where at least one person didnt come out in the following weeks as feeling depressed or slightly psychotic/schizo. Shit fucks you up real bad son, brings out latent mental health problems and exacerbates preexisting ones. People will tell you that it helped them with depression, but what it really does is create an artificial floor. You still have depression, but when you get high and trip your mind is placeboed into thinking that, at that moment, it isnt depressed and when you come down, the floor is removed plummeting you into a deeper depression than before. Psychedelics arent for everyone and certainly not for the depressed or those with even slight societal functioning issues. Like even people who get paranoid when they smoke weed run a high risk of developing schizophrenia later in life.
It's only a bad idea if you are a moron and forget you are taking a drug and the effects are temporary.
As long as you remember that tripping solo is always the way to go.
As a protip before doing any drug I would avoid any heavy foods preferring fruit or fruit juice. Stay hydrated. And go into things with a certain thing in mind. Try to stay positive.
Your experience on psychedelics is heavily influenced by the setting in which you trip. Having someone present who gets this can make a world of difference in the event that your trip starts to take a turn for the worse, as they can guide you through it. Ideally they can help guide you through it from the get-go so things stay positive the whole way.
>if you are a moron and forget you are taking a drug
Feeling like your sensations are more real and concrete than they actually are is extremely common.
if you want to risk jail/hospital time because you're tripped the fuck out and have zero idea where reality is, then go ahead. you're free to make your own mistakes.
if you insist on doing it alone, don't do a lot. that's a topic for a whole other post. do it in a safe comfy place, not at a party, and have your favorite tunes ready at hand. they will help a lot. go with the flow, try to relax, fighting it will only result in bad times.
no but dude I've been reading some Nietzsche and I think I'm what he terms an overspirit or a superman and I saw Man of Steel a while back and I'll be fine I think so don't worry about me :)
>read the Xanth novels
>become a depraved fetishist slobbering over monstergirls rather than interacting with other human beans
>Worst of all, become a lover of awful puns
Fuck you piers anthony
Protip: If you want to learn about psychedelic drugs, how, when, why, and why not to take them I suggest logging off of 4chan.org/lit/ and spending some sweet time doing research.
I don't know why, probably the anonymity and trolling factors, but 4chan is a horrible place to discuss drugs, especially psychedelic ones. Here's the breakdown:
>1. Dude don't ever do LSD x,y z, my anecdote is why
>2. Dude always do psilocybin cubensis x, y, z, my anecdote is why
>3. Dude actually if you do either of those you will fry your brain because anecdotes
>4. Dude here is some legitimate information you won't read @reputablesource
>5. Dude 4 is a moron, don't listen to this fried hippie
>6. Dude free ur mind lmao
>7. Dude you'll literally go insane lmao
I think the first book has a pretty interesting world and characters
but as the series continues, it's really no exaggeration to say it basically becomes softcore lewdness delivered in the form of brain-implodingly forced puns and tropes ripped straight outta some ecchi anime. I enjoyed fapping to them as a horny teen but honestly if you're on 4chan you should probably just browse /d/ and call it a day. The only book I remember any serious details of is the first one, the others just are a vague recollection of panty shots, time-dilating succubi, and a loin=lion pun that was so forced that I roll my eyes whenever I remember it to this day
So it sounds like it went ok but that poster has had a panic attack before. I'm not saying it's going to be a bad time for him but damn, having someone around just in case to have your back is a good thing.
On a side note, I don't really buy into any ug measurements. No ones uses a microgram scale to test out their blotter (or whatever) after manufacture and then there's the question of yields in first place
Yeah in my acid daze, a couple of summers through highschool before the internets, some blotters were really extreme. Once 4 of us sat in a parked car for a few hours listening to Led Zeppelin pretty much paralyzed from the neck up, none of us were really the same after that night, still to this day some of those tunes almost arouse flashbacks. Good times. Not sure about LSD, new age drugs and NEET lifestyle, sounds scary. I might have been a different person without those years, wife, mortgage, kids and all that but no regrets really. The hippies were definitely onto something in the 60's.
Look m8. That sounds like you've got a more than a handful of experoences to write in a book. Fucking write one and come back to lit when you have it published
don't call it HPPD, you're just fucking yourself. you'll be ok, all you have is yourself at this point, make the best of it. you can save yourself, whatever that means. Shit is just more honest now, and its fucking hard.
Might get some Leary books. Loved a line about him in the book Orange Sunshine, in which he told one of his wives that he was the most evolved human to ever history.
i've lost it completely on psychedelics many times. i've thought i was
>in a different world and needed to find a way back to the real world
>thought i was other people
>in a movie or tv show
>thought everyone was me
>and so on.
i like to take a lot and sometimes it's more than i can handle but you can learn more from the bad trips than the good ones.
>read Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius
>convince myself that my feelings of misery and perpetual tiredness from insomnia and overwork are just opinions
>it works for a while, I lift and do cardio every day get all As in grad school and make friends by being confident and fearless
>eventually burn the fuck out after a year and spend winter break sleeplessly in bed because the gym is closed
>drift away from friends because I try to practice detachment by going long periods of time without contacting people
>Eventually come to terms with the fact that I have bipolar and that I probably can't realistically fix it with stoic philosophy
>feel bad because I alienated all my friends and basically wasted a lot of time by going into deep denial about my deteriorating mental health
Pretty much. I definitely misapplied and misinterpreted stoicism into a twisted caricature of itself. I don't think it was because I didn't read carefully enough though, I think I just let my ego get in the way.
I am definitely gonna get help. Today actually.
Fuck I am such a tool.
oh for fucks sake its weak minded people like you that should kill themselves on drugs so youre taken out of the gene pool.
hallucinogens are only for the aristocrats, holy men and warriors. you were none of these and now you are nothing else.
hppd is such a hugely, HUGELY rare thing. you'll be fine, just respect the experience, its not an amusement park, its a learning experience. the lesson can be healing, joyful, or painful.
no but it's a good approximation depending on where the lsd is coming from
dark net blotter seems to have somewhat accurate measurements and at least you don't have the big problem you have with inaccurate dosing with n-benzyl phenethylamines or things besides lsd on blotter
People don't realize that HPPD is actually just light to severe visual snow. Retards ACTUALLY believe that HPPD=flashback to a psychedelic trip where you entire the mindset and start seeing the visuals from a previous trip.
In reality, pic related is what happens, and it can go away with time. Flashbacks aren't 'real', you won't just go from zero to tripping unless you smoke a bunch of weed or get drunk. i.e drugs. But even then it's just your state of mind being altered by another drug which allows you to be put back into a trip-like mindset.
yes, and still extremely rare.
there are no great stats on this, but just consider the number of people taking hallucinogens every year, and how often HPPD turns up, even mild effects.
I'd pull a number out of my arse and say 1 out of 100,000 trips triggering HPPD sounds reasonable, taking into account people are tripping for the first time or the 40th.
I LITERALLY have had this for years before I ever started doing drugs? This is equivalent to HPPD? I can stare at a carpet and watch it slowly wave
I remember as a kid lying in the pavement picking tar out of gaps in the road and from close up seeing the pavement like it was liquid
Psychonaut is a term originating in contemporary occultism so they might both have taken it there, or all 3 arrived to the word independently as its not a hard word to think up if you want to describe "exploring the mind"