Am I off to a good start?

>>7533880
if you're not writing in ebonics you're doing it wrong

>>7533880
My friend, the ' in 'twas goes before the twas, not after. The ' replaces the letter "i" in the contraction's full form "it was."

>>7533884
Fuck.

AHAHAHAHHAAHH

>>7533883
I'm gonna do this just for shits and giggles.

>>7534230
Practice here, I'm curious to see what you've got.

>>7533880
'Twas a cool evening in winter. Sunny Beam peaked into my room that was collecting in my eyelids. His blown smoke jobbed across my face, gayly, secondhandedly. Me being a person who believes in allergenetics, I wasn't so sure if the cancer-causing smoke was making my pores bleed or if that was just the sensation of blood pumping regular underneath my skin. My breath wouldn't hold for more than ten seconds because I hadn't prepped. I ended up taking in half a lung full, I know it was half a lung full because I experiment with this kind of thing as an aside to whatever other activity I am doing. But I wasn't prepped, so I started choking up a storm. Sunny Beam fucking spit on my nose after that and walked out. I know I'm going to get him back some day.

Any feedback is thank you

>>7534292
Who is Sunny Beam. What the fuck is going on.

5/10, see me after class.

>>7534300
the Who that became 'big bro' after my parents picked him up hitching on the interstate. All he can do is read Baudallier and smoke sticks with a caked in fucked up face since his mom applied so much make-up when she was pregnant with him it fucked up his face and made it look caked in. But he doesn't wear any make-up. When he moves out I get my own room.

>>7534321
Lol what

>>7533880
>Starting with a weather report
Starts with something that grabs attention, a dialogue, a dramatic scene.

>>7533880
>John Smith
Obergruppenführer!

>>7534292
>>7534321
These posts made me snort my milk.

>His blown smoke jobbed across my face
>his mom applied so much make-up when she was pregnant with him it fucked up his face and made it look caked in
holy shit

>>7534292
I would read an entire book of this shit, no fucking joke.

>>7534699
FUCK YOU

>>7533880
>Shite Cucked up
FTFY

Yeah this is pretty all right

>>7533894
>am i off to a good start?
>literally first character is incorrect

it's a sign OP
abort

>>7534292
Every time I read this it keeps getting better.

>Any feedback is thank you
Please write a surrealist comic novel.

Please keep posting

it was cool as fuck that winter night, and i had just pulled on my jimjams with the little footies so them shits was warm as hell.
giorgio had put on the new miles davis record, and we was groovin along while sippin on mulled wine in lil rocket-shaped promotional "the interview" cups. "bitches brew II: too brew for you" was top of the charts, and for good reason. the sheer intensity of the trumpet, saxophone, and autoharp which overlayed a steady stream of rattling bones inside a folgers can was enough to get both of us fully hard.
of course i kept it in my onesie jimjams, of course.
giorgio had other ideas, he was poking his little i-talian pecker out of his louis vuitton boxer shorts and just sort of wiggled it back and forth to the beat. he was lying on the rug so his dangrang jutted ceiling-wise and towards his chin just a lil'. as it wiggled, he was nibbling on a little bit of the rug, spilling mulled wine on his alexander wang loungewear tee. he convulsed on the rug, his lil' wopknob turning a sort of unhealthy purple, while side a of the second of eighteen discs came to an end.
"your turn, turn it over" i said
"fuck that was good"
"your turn"
by now my hardwood classic was drifting off to sleep. i watched the jimjam tent deflate into a sort of wrinkle, and i felt that folded dissatisfaction from my guts start spreading.
giorgio stood up, still with his happy saint peter out, and walked over to the record. he turned it over and pulled some carpet out of his teeth.
"you ever think about love, percival?"
"fuck no" i lied.
my sinking sausage friend gave one last twitch before giving up on the whole filled-with-blood ordeal. i brushed mysterious crumbs off of the minion yellow part of my jimjams and stood up. giorgio was back on the carpet, this time with one hand on his joystick, pumping it to the beat of "spanish keys to success ft. kings of miami".
"lemme finish on your face, percy"
"i still have my contacts in"
"come on, you piece of pemmican!"
i noticed a drop of saliva drip out of the side of giorgio's mouth. he drifted off beat a little, so i knelt down and gave a "ruin me" face towards his harvey pekar. the sun outside drifted behind a cloud, leaving the apartment a colder, darker place. giorgio sent crest tri-color ropes of piping hot honeysuckle across my face. i licked a little bit and gave a fake moan. he laughed and spilled more mulled wine on his shirt. i lied down next to him and rubbed the rest of the cum onto his t shirt's sleeve. giorgio smacked me in the balls.

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22KB, 275x200px

>>7537335
I'm still ok with this

>>7537335
It was a clear black night, a clear white moon
Warren G was on the streets, tryin' to consume
Some skirts for the eve, so I can get some phones
Rollin' in my ride, chillin' all alone
Just hit the eastside of the LBC
On a mission tryna find Mr. Warren G
Seen a car full of girls, ain't no need to tweak
All you skirts know what's up with 213

>>7537124
>>7534744
>>7534858

thanks all

>>7534258
"I've always found the concept of suicide quite attractive, honestly. It's as if, we're trapped in this car, all our lives, in the passenger seat. The car is constantly driving forward, and you can't see what's ahead, only behind. Be a little reckless; you'll gain the courage to nudge the driver, the car will wobble slightly, but not enough to push it off of the road. Take some drugs, drink, the car wobbles a little more. Maybe if you drink enough, be reckless enough, be stupid enough - or smart enough, you can push the car off course, and drive it into a tree. It'll be over, you'll be free. It's scary. You've never been outside of the car, you don't know what's on the other side, but you just want to get out. It's about control. I am in control. It'll be very painful." "After all you've said, I'm sure you can take the pain." "For you."