ITT: Shit-tier college moments.

>>5352074
post some of your writing. it could be genuinely bad and he doesn't know how to describe it

Old/Middle English? What the fuck are you saying? Old English and modern aren't even mutually intelligible, are you saying you speak Old English?

>>5352079
Nah, he likes my 'style', but I apparently have to use the 'Standard Modern English'.

>>5352086
I'm saying my 'style' of writing seems to have a flair of Old English. That's what the Instructor stated, believe me, I was pretty confused by the whole thing as well.

>>5352079
this

> "Dear M'lady"

>>5352074
are you saying that you were supposed to write in Middle English and you weren't very good at it?

or

you were supposed write in modern English and you wrote like this

SIÞEN þe sege and þe assaut watz sesed at Troye,
Þe bor? brittened and brent to bronde? and askez,
Þe tulk þat þe trammes of tresoun þer wro?t
Watz tried for his tricherie, þe trewest on erthe:

because the latter would be rather a problem

>>5352074

is this bait, or are you really such an awkward dweeb that you seek attention by turning in papers for a basic composition in "Old/Middle English" (I'd like samples, as others have asked for them too, because you sound like you're full of shit).

To speculate:
You're an only child.
Dad worked and was never around.
Mom coddled you well into high school.
You found solace learning Esperanto, reading The Similarion, and playing Magic the Gathering.

Let me know.

>>5352090
okay, then post your writing

>>5352090
he means you write like a pompous faggot, not that you are writing in Old English

>Tip-top kek!
yep

>>5352090
This is Old English, a completely different language:
þæt hine on ylde eft gewunigen
wilgesiþas, þonne wig cume,
leode gelæsten; lofdædum sceal
in mægþa gehwære man geþeon.

This is Middle English:
Þe chauntré of þe chapel cheued to an ende,
Loude crye watz þer kest of clerkez and oþer,
Nowel nayted onewe, neuened ful ofte;
And syþen riche forth runnen to reche hondeselle.

Did he "say Old English" or was he talking generally about "old English"?

>>5352124
say "Old English", fuck me

I took a writing class that focused a lot on peer review. One of my partners asked how I typed out Roman Numerals

>wot fok dis be introduction letta mateiy oi guvna haha

>>5352128
Omfg this thread is the best bait all day.

>>5352128

I actually let out a "ha!" reading that. Forced peer review is the best.

"Hey bro, I think you need a comma here and a period here. I'm not even going to skim your paragraphs for content to critique your argument, but trust me I will find every typo in this motherfucker!"

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>>5352074
>have panic attack in class
>it's torture
>people stare because I've gone purple in the face
>rinse and repeat

You've got it good, op.

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>be only intelligent person in class
>raise hand and argue the conservative case against my liberal professors
>everyone hates me

Hold on, bros, I'm gonna post the letter. Stay with me.

>>5352128
>>5352143
I hope you two are trolling.
I ? ? ? ? ?
? ? ? ? ? ?
? ? ? ?

>>5352155

gods not dead hes shorely alive

>>5352159
What on earth could possibly be construed as trolling in those posts? Genuinely really curious.

>>5352159
Fifty doesn't come after twelve, Bobby.

>>5352163
but what about mozart

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Here's the letter. I decided to edit away the personal shit like my name and whatnot. I still have the letter in the files.

>>5352179
Fuck thats autistic

>>5352179
>cringe everywhere

sorry, hermano

>>5352179
Not saying this as a cheap insult or whatever, but are you autistic/on the spectrum? That's what that writing suggests to me.

>>5352179
Faggotry confirmed. Move along, people.

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>>5352179
>hails
Stopped there. You have the tismals. I'm so sorry.

>>5352179
>Espana
>Italia
>twenty-two

Oy veyy....

>>5352179
If there has ever been a post on this site that deserves a fedora it is this.

>>5352186
>>5352187
>>5352189
>>5352191
>>5352193
>>5352196
>>5352198

>Tfw /lit/ begins to bully the shit out of me.

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>>5352179
good lord

>>5352179
lmao even if this is all a joke this is the best thread on /lit/ in weeks

>>5352179
OP your letter is shit (rubbish) and I can tell you this as I am a professor (professario) at the university of waterloo (cucumberland) and have been for twenty two (22) years.

>>5352200
I honestly hope this is real

>>5352155
Patrick BAITman and his dubs are back again, this time with a vengeance.

>>5352209
>cucumberland
I was unprepared and choked; I imagine this happens a lot where you're from.

>>>/r9k/13229043

OP is reposting it from here

>>5352200
>Tfw /lit/ (literature board on 4chan) begins to bully (antagonize) the shit (feces) out of me.

>>5352179

Cool font m'lord *tips*

>>5352200
It's a shitty feeling.

I don't get the vitriol. Wasn't OP trying to recreate an old style? So what's wrong with his letter?

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>>5352221
>There is nothing wrong with this style of writing, aside from that it may seem overly formal

>>5352179
Even being completely b8, at least 8/10.

Guess I'll go and kill myself now.

>>5352238

Cut it out, OP.

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mfw r9k is partly sympathetic, and /lit/ tears OP a new asshole.

>>5352266

/r9k/ is full of autists like OP. /lit/ is full of bitter faggots.

>>5352266
Try /int/. They are...eh.

Over all, my Instructor most likely thinks I'm fucking retarded now...

;__;

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>>5352179
fucking hell.

It's honestly not that bad OP. I mean if you were a normal person I'd get mad at you but you are obviously living with a dehabilitating mental disease. I hope you get on the welfare train quickly, good luck!

>>5352179
why are you writing to archaically? just write normally

your teacher is more retarded. Your writing archaic and awkward but isn't anywhere chaucerian Middle English and modern English is completely different for Old English

>>5352275
>thinks I'm retarded
>thinks
I'm absolutely sure that you are legitimately retarded, not even bullying. Please go get diagnosed.

>>5352280
You might want to get diagnosed along with OP.

>OP comes into thread looking for people to coddle him
>everyone tells him he is the retardation
kek

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>>5352112

Wow, /lit/ managed to out-do /b/ in edgy internet bullying and troll-humour. Well done guys, as if this board didn't need any further shitting-up.

>>5352293
Are you seriously this angry OP? What did you expect us to say? Your paper is quite honestly the epitome of modern autism. If I was your mother I would hang it on my fridge and tell you that you don't need to go to college anymore and can live with me forever.

>>5352293
suck my cock

>>5352196
What does this even mean?

>>5352293
>Well done guys, as if this board didn't need any further shitting-up.
Once the anons with shit prose kill themselves, we should see an improvement. OP's death is one step closer to our greater good.

>>5352293
This guy isn't even certifiably retarded, and I highly doubt that he's autistic. He's typing normally, which implies that he can also speak to people without using sentences that sound awkward and unnecessarily archaic. He was just being a pretentious tryhard.

>>5352301
I guess I'll just write like everyone else then. It doesn't matter anyway, that introduction alone has pretty much solidified my position as a possible autist. Thanks for you brutal honesty, /lit/.

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>>5352293

>>5352309
OP is italian stupid goi

>>5352293
This is gold and the exact opposite of endless babbys first 'the greeks' threads, nietshiße, and the inevitable professor parroting over the dead horses of the western canon. The worst has yet to come.

So the OP he wrote a bad letter,
his missive autismal and more,
came to /lit/ to feel slightly better,
but ended up mega-butt-sore.

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>>5352283
I am tired and not proof reading

but really I know they don't get the best teachers to do writing preparation classes but your teacher not knowing the difference between Old English and awkward autistic English is laughable

who could legitimately not tell the difference the original text of Beowulf and this guys writing?

>>5352324
Meter's off

>>5352301
Don't go proving my point or anything.

>>5352309
it is an expression of universal woe. I know /pol/ uses it to represent scheming Jews, but it is a good phrase.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oy_vey

>>5352179
Are you that one fag who wanted to please his parents by writing them a letter? Youre so autistic, man

>>5352331
Use a different one

>>5352320
and?
What was the point of "Oy veyy...."?

>>5352346
Make me.

>>5352179
I don't see what the big deal is. Yeah it's unnecessarily flamboyant writing, but nothing to completely flip out about.

>>5352328
It's a figure of speech. It's saying his mode of writing is grandiose and very dated in a joking manner, that he needs to check hisself before he wrecks hisself.

> someone on /lit/ found shittier writing and wanted to post it here and get some react quotes

or

> some dude thought his prose was too god for a professor and tried to get /lit/ to validate his humblebrage

either way, I'm entertained

>>5352179
worst case of hispanic denial I've seen in years. read junot diaz and try reading again after his work (and accolades) make you feel like it's ok to accept who you are

I recommend this is how you lose her since it has very short short stories that are adhd proof

>>5352372
Is Junot Diaz the bald naked cartoon man with the huge goatse cunt?

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>>5352179
Damn it, I'm having first-year writing test flashbacks already, and I haven't started teaching this term. OP, you used most of those words incorrectly. There's no point trying to be funny if you don't have a command of the vernacular you're adopting. And if your instructor called that "Old/Middle English," it's because he was trying to avoid saying "Pompous Moronic English."

>>5352376
> ad hominem

back to reddit

>>5352179
>Francia
>Espana
>Cubanascnan

kek'd

>>5352376
use google you tool

I suspect short stories might be too involved for your attention span. perhaps start with his new yorker fest interview. there's a dark knight rises reference so it might be worth it to you.

>>5352391
>>5352397
>don't even understand the post they're replying to
>immediately wig out in broken English anyway

lel the spanish are the irish of the continent

>>5352381
the real comments from the professor probably said OP was trying to speak in an archaic and antiquated way.

> humblebrag gone wrong

people should stick to 'professor thought I stole my prose but it's mine' for this

>>5352406
not googling a name you don't recognize

not knowing who authors are in the first place

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>>5352179
holy shit

>>5352179
Sam Harris? Is that you?

>>5352412
you assume this is happening when it's not even what the original post was about you spanish retard

and you do this because you're overly defensive

>>5352179
last sentence seals the deal

> below the fold

almost too perfect to be real

>>5352518
:^)

>>5352501
Like the one who looked like the guy from Mask or at least a terrible case of the mumps, and wore pedo glasses and sweat shorts all the time? If not, it's probably just an asspie name.

>>5352512
the fact that you think I'm spanish shows how clueless you are

>>5352155
you.... youre dangerous

>>5352074
I want you to know I came here from /int/ just to laugh at this faggot some more.

>>5352620
The bullying never stops.

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>>5352155
I had an entry level philosophy class this spring, and by the end the professor didn't even have to ask to know my positions.
>mfw

>>5352179

i dont laugh often at things on the internet but this had my keking nonstop

>>5352659
You're welcome, anon. It's good to know that my try-hard move made someone laugh.

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>>5352634
>being a political Euclidian

>>5352634
>>5352155
>being that guy
there's that guy in my philosophy class
he thinks he's top shit and can poke holes in every philosopher we study
protip: everybody hates him and he's the worst

>first year of college
>tested into honors advanced English class, skipped first two years altogether
>excited to be in an academic setting free from all the juvenile bullshit of highschool
>professor hands out syllabus
>she starts explaining the course and stuff
>"my goal is to make this class as accessible as possible and hope that you will all learn to enjoy the subject"
>are you fucking kidding me
>"now lets all talk about ourselves so we can understand how to work with one another"
>are you seriously fucking kidding me
>classmates begin talking about how they love English and love reading stuff like John Green but hate looking for symbolism
>half the class flat out says they hate writing
>other half says they don't like assigned reading outside of class
>our entire reading material for the semester as per the sylabbus is composed of short stories
>"I know you guys dislike writing papers but you're going to have 3 of them due throughout the semester, each of which about 2-3 pages long"
>audible groan throughout the class
>it's the same shit as highschool
Kill me

>>5352316
It's terrible dude, and you deserve to know the truth

>>5352363
>mfw shit-tier is not the same word as shittier

>>5352828
Thanks, bro.

>>5352788
This is what happens when there's pressure on everyone to go to college: it turns into protracted high school.

>>5352788
>goes to a community college
>expects quality
>inb4 "b-b-buh it's a real university i swear"
Enjoy your shit tier education, why even bother?

>>5352788
>>5352868
nah, it's what happens when you go to a shit-tier uni
enjoy your worthless degree

>>5352179
Dude fucking... Maybe it might have been some good clean fun to play with the inept pompousness in some controlled environment but not as a goddamn introductory letter, what were you thinking?

>>5352877
>>5352895
ULL
By no means is it an ivy league university, but it's regularly a top ranking school in the US. English is not one of it's stronger departments, however. I'm willing to believe I got a bad class, however. No one, myself included, is an English major so that should be indicative of something. I think I got funneled into a class for people who need the credit, as to where I opted for it.

But still, I was expecting some form of integrity both in the students and the teacher. It all just feels like the professor is desperately trying to pander to a group of kids who clearly don't give a shit (at least not as much as they think they do).

>>5352920
>English is not one of it's stronger departments
>it's

Obviously =^)

>>5352920
Tell me the name of your Uni and I'll be the judge of that.
>inb4 no way man you'll cyber-hack me and kill me just by knowing my uni
I go to Carleton, come cyberhack me kiddos.

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>>5352926
>mfw

>>5352936
nigga it's in the post
ULL, Universtiy of Louisiana at Lafayette
I found out the other day that Ernest Gaines was a professor here and sometimes gives creative writing seminars so that's cool I guess.

>>5352901
I know, bro. I fucked up with trying too hard to be 'different'.

>>5352951
>going to a university with higher than 10:1 student to staff ratio
This is never a good idea.

>>5352074
>Walked unto the washroom-yclept throne and thence back to my couch, --- masturbation ensues.

>Get a C in high school writing courses
>Lose full ride scholarship because my English >Teacher won't budge
>Get to university
>Get top marks for any writing assignment
>Leave university because I was getting anxious about my debt plus the field I was studying

Honestly glad I still left university, because I want to completely change my area of study and go back. But my high school English teacher was still a prick, and I hate him to this day.

>>5352986
>washroom-yclept
???

>>5352978
it's handled very well surprisingly. Most of my classes are about 20-30 kids max, with only two being considerably large. Even then the professors are very personable and willing to work with students individually. For what it is, it's an amazing university staffed by great people.

That English class is a total kick in the dick though (only has about 12 students though).

>>5352179
If you sent me that shit I'd fail you too

>>5353091
rude

>>5352074
this thread is fucked up. I don't know if you are actually here and actually wrote the paper.

I strongly recommend reading one of junot diaz's latest short stories. then some hemingway. then just write write about a subject in the most natural but succinct way you can. then when you are done, read the entire thing and polish the content itself. eventually you will find your voice.

this side of paradise could also be helpful.

>>5353175
I should have tried reading it out loud to be honest...

>>5352179
str8 stilted m8

>>5353186
I get an idea of what you were trying to stay, and that content/narrative is not bad. I don't know what your life is like, it seems you left cuba and moved to the US, or what your plans are, but there's definitely a story in there somewhere. similarly, you might be a mulitnational kid, maybe your dad is from spain and your mom is french/italian? that is also promising, specially if you can speak all the languages.

I think even in this tiny letter you can still see potential. what happened was that you forgot the importance of the narrative and focused on how to deliver it. if you flip this around and weight things accordingly, you might be on your way.

>>5353209
Thanks m8! I assumed that everyone in this thread was just gonna end up calling me an autist. I'll take the advice. I'll tone down all the shit and just do what I have to.

>>5353218
I mean, we're on /lit/ and this is noman's land but if I'm ever around again I'll be perfectly happy to read many of your drafts and tell you what I think.

a lot of writers from multicultural backgrounds that speak more than one language have their initial attempts at prose that look like yours (specially in English). something that works for some people is to structure things in your head first, then just do dumps where you write just if you were posting here or talking to someone. in fact, some people record their own conversations. (writers like hemingway speak/write privately exactly as they do in their novels)

>>5353230
Most folks don't realize that the only reason why I'm taking 'Remedial English' is to be able to check into the English courses I actually wanna get into. I scored a 5 in Reading during the whole exams (which is the highest score in Reading), as for Writing, a 4 (the highest is 9, which most folks don't reach). Most of the courses I'm interested in require a Writing level of 6 or 7. Overall, I just wanna learn as much shit as possible. I'm trying to get a grasp on Old/Middle English...and as you witnessed, it ain't working so well.

>>5353246
Like other people have said, Old/Middle English are essentially different languages, with different alphabets, and they are not mutually intelligible. It makes a lot more sense to embellish a bit in Spanish. It's generally more poetic than English. Tone it down a lot. Write what you need to say, and nothing more. That will help you.

Once you learn the nuances (matices) of the language should you start experimenting with other techniques.

>>5352179
I'm not sure which is more sad: you putting in all this time and effort for a troll thread or actually writing like this.

>back in high school
>have to do a debate in dutch class (native language)
>3 vs 3, we had very good and structured arguments, their complete argumentation was "muh ethics"
>topic was something like it should be illegal heavily mentally retarded people to nurse kids (apparently it isn't)
>teacher is some bitter 60 year old socialist
>says all our arguments (eg reports of heavy physical and mental abuse) where nullified by ethics
>biggest prick ever, also fat
>known reports of him being a pedi and touching girls
>he dies one year later
>kek inside

>>5352293
Honestly (not lying), OP (original poster), you seem extremely (very much) autistic (socially retarded). Please kill (cease living) yourself (you).

>>5352163
made me lol hard, fuck i hate humanity just for producing that song

>>5352179
dude what

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>>5352155

>55

>>5353321
i hated debating. half the time one side is just factually wrong so they have to resort to shit diversionary tactics.

one of my grad classes was structured as 3v3 debates instead of lectures. it was awful.
most of the class were casuals and women, so no one would dispute points, and by the end of each session the votes would golden mean-fallacy towards the center (we voted sides before and after the arguments to gauge the change in opinion). let's all agree to disagree, hur. every fuckin time.

i was so sick of that shit that when it came to my turn, i wrote the arguments for everyone on my team and trounced the other dudes (it really helped that the other side was flat out incorrect). second opposition had to apologise before she read her speech, because i'd already pre-empted all her points. literally no one voted for them and it was the only time that the class actually became more polarized about a topic.

shit was pretty fun, but formalized debates are still a shit-tier, archaic way of exploring an area.

>>5353436
this. it also sucks when you need to defend the side that is obviously wrong and then get a bad grade because you didn't defend it well. no shit how I am supposed to defend it is a good idea to turn Europe into a single country. and then of course you can't say you changed at the end of the debate. this is really shit tier form of talking about a topic

>>5353436
>only do debates twice in 8th grade
>first one was if we should conduct the one child policy everywhere
>get put on side that has to argue for it
>teammates get side tracked
>lose because of it
>second time
>should we be vegans
>holy fuck dont do it
>get put on vegan side
>literally spend all of the debate at the end of the table finding all the flaws in our argument
>lose
That class was fun as fuck but god damnit I got put on the two sides I didn't wanna be on

>>5353464
>should we be vegans

That doesn't seem too hard to argue for. Just say that meat farming is less efficient when it comes producing food and it creates more pollution.

>>5353452
>It is a good idea to turn europe into a single country because this would hinder the racism created by the evil white man. By unifying europe we could simplify immigration processes and open the borders to Africa, making Africans lives so much better. What is there not to love, about a unified europe?

>>5353321
>europe
>"hey guys these things are bady and people will be die, rape and rob if we do them"
>"MUH MUHHUAHFUGGAN ETHICS U PRIVILIGED SHIT"
>"But I really think that it would harm the citizens of our country t-"
>"MUH ETHICS YOU LITTLE SHIT, PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS SO THAT MUHAMMED CAN SHOW YOU HOW PRIVILIGED YOU ARE"

>>5353485
that's a bitch tactic. better to take a page from the sjw movement and rush to equate the enemy's position to rape.

>the treatment of animals as commodities promulgates the patriarchal belief that one thing is inherently of more worth than others
>this belief was used in the past, when women were considered a commodity too, to justify rape
>in not allowing cows the same freedoms as ourselves, you are encouraging a belief system that justifies the historical and future rape of women
>shitlords

>>5353508
>tfw 50 years ago saying such drivel would've gotten you're ass beatings

>>5353508
In the debate about one child policy the teacher helped us prepare by making us write down ways to decrease the population
First thing I thought was "get rid of sperm banks" but I couldn't say that, it was 8th grade

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>>5353385
>you

10/10. I lost it.

Oh boy its four AM but I've got one.

>psychology 101
>huge fucking redneck girl in back of class
>teacher comes onto subject of sexuality and transgender people
>"HWAT?"
>teacher re-explains GID
>"NOW THAT THERES JUST A LOADA HAWSSHIT SORRY NOT SORRY BUT THATS THE WAY AH WUS RAIZED"
>later a video is being shown interviewing queer people
>gets to and transwoman
>"IZHAT UH BOY?!"

>later in year talking about memory retrieval
>"Now is that called that becausea the dog?"
>me: "What?"
>"AHM ASKIN if that dog is called that because of us retrievin' ahhre memories!"
>I get it
>Me:"Are you asking is the dog breed Golden Retrieve is named so because of human memory retrieval?"
>Her: "Yea."
>Me: "No."
>Her "I WAS JUST ASKIN A QUESTION"

>>5353563
>tfw the person you described is 90% of /pol/

>>5353585
I am quite sure she did not know how to use a computer.

>>5352086
>>5352104
aside from nerds on the internet, when most people say "old English" they are simply referring to writing in an extremely archaic and antiquated manner, usually resembling Elizabethan/Shakespearean English.

This type of writing is both old and English, so it makes sense, it simply isn't old English with a capital "O."

But don't let me interfere with your sperging

>>5353563
Was she hot? Thick? Thin? Homely?

>>5353563
>>5353563
>>5353563
other side of the spectrum, but
class conversation
girl complaining about racism
say i dont really care orfeel inposition 2 judge
racists for their no doubt emotional feelings
i think ppl b free to have emotions and like opinions without moral bagage
"no"
uncomfertable silance

>>5353585
closed-minded, much?

>>5352788
>Three 2-3 pages throughout the semester

This can't be real. It's not even a single exam

>>5353732
also mama raised me with tabla rasta
gay ppl "i born this way ra ra lady gaga"
enlightenment "no"
racists "black ppl jay-z no 2 scholarships"
i think tyroneson can b better so im against gays
nvr forget tabla rasta positivist bully

>>5352995
his washroom named throne, isn't it obvious?

>>5353637
normalfag gtfo

>>5353738
she was

>>5352155
s-so brave

>>5352074
YOU SUCK AT WRITING HE WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT IN A POLITE WAY

>>5353637
According to OP his teacher said Old/Middle English as if to imply he knew enough about the history of the English language to know that Middle English existed but not to know it is very different to modern English and like 75% Intelligible at best and that Old English is a Germanic language spoken until the 11th century that is basically Unintelligible to modern English speakers

if he had just said old English I would of assumed that he meant Ye Olde Elizabethan English

>>5354352
It's been made clear OP has the tismals and can't into implication. The validity of any observation he makes is questionable at best and basing your own assumptions on it is, to get biblical about it, like building your house upon a pit of liquid shit. Or sand, I forget which.

>>5354404
I think you were correct the first time, anon.

After all, what's more Biblical than using complete shit as foundations?

>>5354404
>the tismals

d-did you just make this word up?

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>>5354458
>Being this tismal

>>5352179
When your're taking a course on technical writing in college, the point is to learn to write as clearly and non-redundantly as possible so that as many people in your target audience as possible can understand you, so unless you're taking fiction writing or poetry, don't be surprised when your grade drops when you write like a twat.

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So I woke up today to discover that I was dropped from the course...but not because of the letter, but because I didn't pay my fees.

That's nice, I guess...
>Inb4: /lit/ is going to tell me how I deserved it and how they would have done the same.

>>5354983
That's going to happen to me too. I'm too tismal try and get special permission to enroll in my last course so haven't paid yet.

>>5354991
Bro, do you mean dismal?

>>5352074
Not college but school... i had to write a report on An Inspector Calls - J B Priestley, i based the report around how its prime purpose was to demonize capitalism through use of moral dilemma, and how this was due to the fact Priestley was a communist and had the play first performed in soviet russia, ect.

My teacher didn't even know what communism was, i shit you fucking not. I got a D and failed despite it being one of the best in the class.

>>5355010
May i add this was part of my GCSE and led to me only achieving a low C, which meant i couldn't go to college to study in that field.

>>5352100
lel

>>5355007
He's trying to make "tismal" happen. That is, as a slang form of "autismal". I like it better when not used by itself, but rather in a phrase like "he/she has the tismals", personally.

>>5352179

Well, you see, the issue is that you write like a fag and your shit's all retarded.

>>5355334
Really? I didn't know that. Please tell me what hundreds of others have already made clear to me.

>>5355014

I fucking hate teachers man.

>>5352074

> in English comp class
> we read a short story about this burglar that breaks into a girl's house and then gets tortured by the girl
> professor asks, "what is this story really about?"
> other student: "it's about how the burglar is nice"
> wat
> I raise my hand and say, "I think it's a statement about the effects of imperialism"
> professor: "what? no. whenever I think of imperials I just think of star wars"
> he's an english/history professor
> doesn't know what imperialism is in the context of literature or history
> mfw

>shit-tier college moments

all of it :(

>>5353175
junot diaz is trash

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one of the first classes in uni I had to take was a class on the short story (the class was mandatory, had to be outside of your major, and from a selected list of classes), so I chose that cause easy A for reading some stuff.

We ended up having to write short stories and evaluate each other's, I still have the terrible ones from the one furry chick corner of the class who wrote about her bunny rabbit becoming fully (human-level) conscious and leading her and her brother out of an "abusive" home.

ITT
retards who think they're smart cuz they're smarter than their professors and peers

hey retards if you are actually smart you'd have gone to a good school where the faculty and education are actually good

>>5356827

Where did you go to school? :)

the >>5356847

harvard of canada

>>5356854

Glad you used the name of an American university to validate your own :)

>>5356273
He was making fun of you and your retarded answer, dumbass.

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>>5352951
>ULL
Tulanefag here. Your school is shit.

>write essay on Feminism
>argue against affirmative action for women
>send it in
>have to talk to board of the English class/Argumentation class department
>They're all women
>Get called a misogynist
>Get an F
>Dispute it, want it seen over by other professors
>They immediately drop the case
>Go back to find out why
>They say they made a mistake and give me a B
I just love living in Sweden.

>>5352179
This is gold-quality bait. You sir are a craftsman.

>>5356854
UofT? what res you at? and what department?

>>5356886

mcgill

eng lit and hist, tho I graduated

>>5355364
I like how even though this thread is nonstop insults aimed at you, you stick around for hours and don't bother to delete it. I can at least admire someone who can take a beating.

>Be Me
>Be wanting to take Upper division classes as freshman because gen ed class boring as fuark
>Talk with academic advisor
>Tells me to get sign from professor
>Prof tells me to get sign after the initial registration period
>Registration period over
>Classes full
>Audit
>No One leaves
>Take Gen Ed Classes.
>Repeat
>Ditch 15/20 lectures for a couple classes throughout the 2 years and spend rest of time reading in library.
>look at required readings during dead week
>Pass finals with flying colors
>Get A in classes
>WTF University Education why you so shitty.

>>5356946

The hardworking peasants of old, all fluent in the beautiful language OP has mastered, inspire him to carry on. Their ghosts speak to him. He understands them.

>>5356891
Were you involved in creating those T-shirts with a gigantic Harvard crest that say "Harvard: the McGill of America" on them? Because those things make me cringe every time I see them being sold, honestly some of the most embarrassing shit I have ever encountered on campus.

>>5352074

Shit-tier college moments:

Senior year, choosing between the Joyce seminar and the Proust seminar.

Choose Joyce.

Manage to get a spot in John Bishop's covetted Joyce Seminar (20 spots, 4 waitlist).

Class was to be the culmination of my undergraduate education.

Start with Dubliners. Prof. brings in Snuff tobacco and a box of tissues. Shows everyone how to use it, and passes it around while he begins his lecture.

Only 8 of the 20 tried it.

First couple weeks were some of the best classes I've ever sat in.

Week 3: Class is cancelled.
Week 4: Class is cancelled.
Week 5: "Your Professor had a stroke, he will be unable to return to his position this semester. Please find another class you would like to enroll in.

Can't join the Proust seminar 6 weeks late to the party.

End up in a decent Comp. Lit course, but it's not Joyce with a professor who had been teaching Ulysses for nearly 35 years.

:(

>>5352701
I have one of those guys too. He talks fucking loud. He sits behind me. Help, /lit/

>>5352179
Are you a wizard?

>>5352179
Jesus, you must be joking

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>>5357065
Damn that is shitty.

>>5353436
I feel you m8
>have to do one debate in public speaking class
>3v3, 10 groups, 5 debates
>basic tops like stand your ground law, and a bunch of other shit I can't remember
>my group chooses internet piracy, I join the 'for' side
>craft all the arguments for my group. try to prep them since most of them suck at public speaking
>they all say they're good but basically crack under pressure on the day of
>one guy just reads off the sheet I gave him, the other guy manages to do 'okay' but misconstrues some good points I made since he apparently didn't really understand them
>the 4th kid, some syrian autist, completely flounders. Luckily I gave him all the minor points because I knew he would fail.
>I do fine since I argue on the internet all day long
>other group consists of the some dim blonde girl and a milf who doesn't know shit about the topic, their third member dropped the class
>the post discussion questions are basically "how to avoid getting caught"

It wasn't all bad, but it was mostly bad.

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>>5357188
>>I do fine since I argue on the internet all day long
Anyone else ever forgotten that most real people can't handle this level of discourse? At this point my name might as well be a killing word.

>>5352951
holy shit did you have 115? with graley or someone else?

i took 115 and 215 as a freshman last year and completely agree with everything you're saying

>>5357188
When I last did a debate, it was on a subject I was pretty passionate about at the time and I worked really hard coming up with arguments, also anticipating opponent's arguments and coming up with counters.

So on the day of the debate our team fucking destroyed the other. They couldn't counter any of our arguments, and when they tried to pull up scary statistics I tore apart their sources.

It got so bad though that the girl on the other team started crying, and I felt like a jerk. Debate got derailed as people ended up trying to comfort her instead of asking questions. Don't do too well at debates, I guess.

>>5356946
Not gonna lie, some of the responses put a smile to my face (despite the autistic insults). I'm down for any 'advice'...no matter how cruel it may seem. Fuck it, m8. I was dropped from the course shortly after, like, I'm not even kidding. I checked back earlier to discover that I was dropped due to the fact that I didn't pay my shit on time.

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>>5352179
forsooth milord I cannst deign no meneing withine thy scroll (documente) fore such that I am unable to rede, thus mine critiques can be fewe in their numberes

these being the words dictated for the serf ANONYMVS, yere of aure lorde on high MCDLXXX

>>5352179
im getting flashbacks to the times before i could introspect about my autism and try to negate it. even then my writing wasnt this awful and i still got b's in college

jesus fucking christ OP this better not be real.

>>5357462
>It got so bad though that the girl on the other team started crying, and I felt like a jerk.

Ah, so it was an American-style debate then? The side that looks like a jerk loses. Sorry dude, but you lost that one.

>>5352301
>If I was your mother I would hang it on my fridge and tell you that you don't need to go to college anymore and can live with me forever.

Goddamn, that's a fucking burn right there.

>>5352179
I mean. I wouldn't fail you, because it's hilarious. But then I am not thouroughly acquainted with the given circumstances and requirements regarding the introduction you have thus provided, hencefortwith ergo sum the professor possibly experienced discombobulation whilst monitoring your valiant effort.

Next time, don't be like that. If you want to be a caricature, do it for one sentence, maybe two if it's funny, but not the whole thing, man.

filename anyone?

>take seminar with a jewish professor on heidegger's "being and time"
>professor is a heideggerian
>throughout the seminar I try to explain to the class why heidegger is the philosopher of fascism
>prof and students don't understand
>they have shallow interpretations of the work that they find quite agreeable
>tfw my classmates are all crypto-fascist and jewish prof is a nazi sympathizer

i was an autist in college and usually thought I was the smartest person in all of my classes and that my professors were mis-educating their students. I even went so far as to call my derrida professor a pseudo-intellectual and declared that i would not kow-tow to his authority in an email i wrote him after he asked why i wasn't doing any of the assignments (still ended up with an A). i told my spinoza professor that he was non-sensical and that his class was a fraud because it was barely even about spinoza. i stopped showing up and doing any of the assignments and got an F. in a class on literary structuralism i wrote my final paper declaring my sympathies with the protestant reformation and included in a epigram by martin luther on free will or something. i did a lot of other cringe worthy shit, but still most of my professors all liked me because i was a genuinely bright student who thought hard and had strong opinions

>>5358327
also wrote an essay on why feminist interpretations ruin the meaning of "madame bovary" and that the problem with her was that she wasn't manly enough, the central problem of the novel being that women couldn't be more like men. i ended up submitting it to the yearly english dept writing contest and won the top award of $500

>>5352179
I would make you read it to the class and laugh at how autistic you are

>>5358336
So? If you forced huge groups of white people into small poverty-stricken ghettos with shit education you'd see the same pattern. Do you understand game theory? If so, look up the Granovetter model of racial divide in American cities.

>>5358357
>he pretends to be edgy on a chinese cartoon forum for little girls

>>5352179
10/10 thread of the year

>>5352179
tip kok
tap kuk

>>5352179
This is an elaborate ruse, methinks.

>>5356880
Shut up Garrett

>>5352179
>sixth (6th)

/sp/ found a way

>>5352179
I'm calling this bait, because it's the kindest thing to do.

Are you still here OP?

>>5352788
>>half the class flat out says they hate writing
>>other half says they don't like assigned reading outside of class

Which one were you?

>>5358777

Trips confirmed

>>5358327
>being this autistic

I like you

>>5352179
>>5352179
This would be a work of genius if it was a satire of college lit students

>>5358777
Yes, I'm still here. I keep re-checking this thread from time-to-time. Of course, if this whole thing was some plan to troll my Instructor...it would be a stroke of genius, alas, I was just trying to be a try-hard I guess and failed miserably.

I failed the course due to not paying my funds so it doesn't really matter.

>>5359372
good riddance you fucking autist

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>>5358327
>Pic related

>>5358327
>I try to explain to the class why heidegger is the philosopher of fascism

but this is wrong and you're a fucking idiot for thinking it's right. i would have loved to be in that class so i could make you look like the idiot you are.

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>>5352179

This wasn't caught by any teachers while you were in high school? I mean, were you in Special Ed or anything?

>>5358327
>>5360135

FIGHT
FIGHT
FIGHT

>>5361442

Motion seconded. Besides I'm trying to decide whether it's worth reading Being and Time..

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>>5352179
I'm so sorry, mainly for your parents and teachers.

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>>5352179
>greetings
I couldn't even make it two words deep.

>>5352209

>professario
>cucumberland

lol

>>5352179
Oh, Lordy. Someone please make a collage of all this shit. This needs to go down in history.

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>>5352179
Fucking hell, i'm dying with laughter

Why's everyone taking OP's letter so seriously? He obviously did it on purpose and apparently succeeded in his objective.

10\10 OP, made me laugh.

>>5352179
>Greetings instructor!
the first sentence made me lol
good job OP. Would read your novel.

>>5362457
i know bro it's majorly epic right!!

>>5352936
i threw up in the hallway of goodhue once

I was formerly that guy. But then I got to be friends with the faculty and learn a bit about their values. Protip: they know that you know your shit; you don't need to make every conversation about proving it. Try helping the others in your class. If they feel as though they can speak, who knows, they might throw out some unexpected insights.

>>5352143
>having grammatical mistakes

Oh, for fuck's sakes. >>5362547 replies to: >>5352155

>>5357188
>3v3 debate
>the 4th kid

what

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>Teaching ENG 101
>Conducted the class informally thus far
>Open my email
>Message from student
>"Bro, I am going to be straight honest with you..."
>mfw

>>5358737
this

>>5352179

consider whether or not you might read that introduction in front of a class OP

as well as that, do you not find reading every single bracketed word a little jarring/interruptive?

it's not very good; but you can improve. keep it up champ

>>5352988

what do you do these days anon? genuinely interested

>>5362698
Was he making an excuse, coming on to you or just sharing his life since he was bored?

>>5353637
>english college class
>in a literature board
>people who care about english are spergs
lol/lol

>>5352074

>be 16
>after school literary competition in which teams composed of chair/main speaker/impromptus would give presentations then debate them
>all teams mostly shit
>comes to our turn
>main speaker stutters a bit but gets through
>chair is clear, funny, and factual
>get up to do impromptu speech
>best speech i ever gave in my life, people clap for ages afterwards and pat my back etcetera
>sure i've won best impromptu
>gets to results
>girl who did impromptu speech about feminism wins despite being average
>go home bitter

>>5362551
>using peer review to correct grammar or spelling
what's the point?

>>5357007
>be you
>go to a community college/state university
>think that rest of the world is getting your shit-education

>>5352788
You do realize that all that people were in highschool three months before that, right?

>>5352301
Best thing I've read on 4chan in four years.

>>5360132
I re read confederacy every couple of years to feel new conections with ignatius. It's like the welcome to the nhk of its time.

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this could probably be laid out better

>Tfw OP's letter will end up being posted in one of those /lit/ humor threads.

At least you created some OC, bro.

>>5352155
I love you just because you attempt to make writing courses something other than circle jerks.

>>5352179
I seriously think (to wonder or know) you have autism (or another disease relating to the machinations of the mind). Seek professional calibrations.

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>taking a marine biology class for a science credit
>already took an oceanography class and aced it so this shit will be easy
>marine bio teacher is a political activist cunt who goads us on to save the world in every class
>watch a documentary about how the world is running out of fresh water
>watch a documentary about some 8 year old kid who started a charity in Africa to dig wells
>watch a documentary about dolphin and whale killers
>watch a documentary about shark preservation
>watch a documentary about ocean pollution
>watch a documentary about sustainable fishing
>after every documentary I have to write an essay about how I'll go on a personal crusade to save the world because I saw the documentary
>just want to write "I can't save the world, dumbass. Even if I could I wouldn't want to. Sure sucks that the ocean is full of trash and all the fish and water are going to dry up, but there's nothing I can do."
>barely pass the course because she can sense how little I care about political activism

Autodidacticism: the only proper way to learn.

>>5352301
I think we (/lit/) have found a new meme (joke on internet).

>>5363508
>same joke everyone did
>days late
>not even a superior execution

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>peer review
>"hey, man, can you edit my writing?"
>sure
>chicken scratches and hieroglyphs

>>5363533
But Anon, if everyone wanted to save the world, the world would already be saved!

>>5358737
kek

>>5363578
Nope.

As long as people make tons of money by fucking over other people, the world will never be saved. Self interest always trumps altruism.

>>5362686
typo, 3rd kid*

>>5363189
Name one patrician literature thing that was written in english protip you cant

>Be a returning college student who's had a real job as a civil servant
>take some cultural studies class bc it fulfills a gen ed req.
>ignore red-flag words in class description: gender, terrorism, race, current, culture.
>teacher is some white-black French thing guy who's gay for Obama.
>talks about "movements" that were mehbeh riot-worthy 40 years ago and shows really bad Arnold Schwarzenegger movie clips as an "example" of defacto "this is what Americans really believe" :/
>ok. Whatevs. Show up, do reading, watch teen students who've never had a real job get their jimmies all rustled about movements that no one cares about anymore, coasting through midterms with my A until...
>Prof stands up in front of class and says "George Washington was a terrorist" and compares him to Osama bin Laden and actually starts sympathizing with Bin Laden as a critical thinking exercise or some shit.
>My brother's in Afganistan right now you fuck hole! There's no way you're getting me to write on a Final exam the reasons George Washington is the same as Bin Laden!
>Refused to take his final on moral grounds.
>fails me for the entire class
>leave college and go back to my old job rappelling out of helicopters into forest fires and being one of those "terrorists" the professor harped on so much.
>make more money than he does

>>5353637
No you faggot, when you said Old English on a fucking literature board, most people will assume youre talking about actual fucking Old English

>>5363190
It happens to the best of us

>>5363676
>Nay, thou stick bundler. Wherefore thou sayith Olde English on this public square for discourse, the peasantry believith thou want to say Olde English

>>5363669
>ignore red-flag words in class description: gender, terrorism, race, current, culture.
You've got only yourself to blame.

>>5352951
>average sat in the 1500's

You might as well have gone to a community college and saved your money

>>5352179
are you literally autistic?

>>5363669
You and the professor were equally retarded.

>>5353502
no, this is /lit/. i think you meant to go to /pol/

>>5353436
>>5353452
>>5353464
>>5357188
debates are all about charisma
nothing about argument unless the two sides have matching charm/personality appeal

>>5363859
Well for me it was public speaking class so everyone was equally autistic sounding.

>>5363865
that exists? surely you have charisma or you don't

>>5363872
People with charisma don't take public speaking classes.

>>5363876
i meant surely you can't learn to be charismatic
you either are or you aren't, no lessons will help

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>>5363634

>>5363885
You mean you've never heard of public speaking classes?

It's mainly just a way to get used to talking in front of a room full of people staring directly at you without stuttering, having your voice go weak, or having your mind go blank.

If I attempt to pay attention in class, then around the corner foolish students say nasty remarks about me.

>>5363785
In my defense, It was this class that taught me they were red-flag words

>>5363914
Community College?

That's what CC was like for me too.

Those people are somewhat less frequent and less secure when they get to real university. They may be thinking nasty remarks, but they're now surrounded mostly by adults who look at them as just some stupid kid.

I remember my last Spanish class, there was some girl who didn't even attempt to make an effort, and would have that stupid grin that college students have when they're trying to find support from other dilettantes. She clung onto the only kid who would give her the time of day and probably ended up failing the class.

Everyone else did the work, including the guido homeboy from New Jersey who you would have expected to blow the class off actually studied his shit and aced the group and individual presentations.

What I'm trying to say is, those people are still stuck in high school and will be forced to reconcile their inadequacies eventually. Even the frat boys get their shit done, albeit for different motivations. Don't even devote any of your attention to dilettantes, you're doing what you want to do and they're shitalking because they have nothing with which to devote themselves. Let them waste their time on frivolity.

Let us post papers in which we received an A+ (95-100%). This is a question from a critical thinking essay. 'Why is lying a parasite upon the truth?'

Lying is a 'linguistic parasite' because the expectation of truth telling is a universally accepted standard when communicating rationally. Lying would cease to exist if we did not first have the truth in mind. In order to state or not state the truth, the truth must be known. Lying is a corruption of the truth. When thinking of a truth or a lie, one must not consider them independent of each other. The act of truth telling and lying both qualify as stating a claim. A statement does not become true or false, it is discovered to be true or false. A knowledge claim is true only when the state of affairs aligns with the stated claim. When communicating rationally the norm is to mean what you say and hold it to be true. The further from the truth a claim is the more corrupt it becomes. The goal of most rational speech acts is to reach a conclusion that the participants share. In order to achieve this result, statements leading to the understanding or judgement must be held true. In expecting the truth one is obligated to say the truth.

These dynamics of expectations and obligations enables lying to function. The objective of lying is to mislead a listener into believing false claims about a state of affairs. Lying as a norm would be a self defeating condition. If lying was a universally accepted condition when communicating, telling the truth would not be possible. Lies never align with the state of affairs. When expecting a lie one expects to hear something not of the world. Under these conditions lies would no longer function instrumentally. If no one believed your lies they would no longer serve their purpose. That purpose being to convince a listener to believe a false claim regarding a state of affairs. In order for a language to function successfully it must be shared. To share a knowledge claim one must speak the truth. Therefore language could not function successfully if lying was a communicative standard.

>>5363669
A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

>>5363914
That's like laughing at someone for being very good looking because they're "probably vapid". Stupid people should laugh at you

>>5364024

critical thinking essay top kek

>>5364024
What sort of professor asked that question?

>>5364187
Probably the best philosophy professor at my university.

>>5364201
Did you ask him why he asked such a poor question then?

>>5363961
>even the frat boys get their shit done

someone didn't get prospected

>>5364024
incoming
not ashamed to say I wrote this essay the morning it was due in after not attending any of the lectures in my mandatory philosophy module (i studied bio) at college, using only the things i remembered from doing an A Level in Philosophy and Christian Developmental Theology.
picked a random paragraph. it's likely awful because i was hungover at the time, and 3000 words felt like a lot.
nevertheless, I got a first.

>For Wittgenstein, language was first and foremost in the understanding of how we think and interact and as such could be used to validate that there is no need to jump to the conclusion of needing everything to exist based on observations within the mind. For example, when you speak to somebody the words you use take on a certain meaning that does not change. Were you the only person whose consciousness existed then you could get away with using a set of intentions that would serve the same purpose because you need not define what you say to something that is a manipulation of your consciousness – your words always take on a meaning CITE. For example, a bed may change in its form or location but we understand the same thing whenever we encounter the term bed: something for sleeping in. This means that there must be something else there to interpret what we are saying and therefore not only we can exist. This validates Locke’s use of external observations because it allows for the existence of things outside of the self – however, Descartes could argue that these other consciences are something that are a construct of his evil demon that could be manipulating him and so this may not actually be a more satisfying explanation than Locke’s.

>>5352238 (five three five two two three eight)
The linked and therefore aforementioned post (addition to the "thread" hosted on this facet of the imageboard known as Fourchan) is maintaining a facade of the most faggotly order, a most heinous attempt at saving face and adapting the persona of another poster: that is, "samefagging".

>>5363566
I do that shit all the time. I'm just using the standard marks for proofreading. Don't blame me if you can't understand shit.

File: wunderbul.gif (685KB, 300x164px) Image search: [Google]

685KB, 300x164px

>>5352179
Read this while on the shitter, laughed so hard I got weird looks when I came out. 10/10

>>5352200
You deserve it, dubs.

>>5352988
I bet you didn't even try to bribe him. Don't hate him, that's all on you.

>>5355014
Maybe you're just stupid and wrote a bad essay.

>It's not MY fault I got a bad grade, he just doesn't understand!

Jesus, I hate folks like you.

>>5363190
Maybe she was just better than you and you've got an inflated sense of self-worth.

>>5363553
I liked "professional calibrations", though it was lackluster otherwise.

>>5364024
But by lying, I quite often both look better, and get my way. There's nothing wrong with lying, it's only bad when you get caught.

So I've got no problem with lying; I have got a problem with bad lying though.

>>5352112
Not op but:


>You're an only child.
Nope
>Dad worked and was never around.
Yep
>Mom coddled you well into high school.
Oh boy so much yes
>You found solace learning Esperanto, reading The Similarion, and playing Magic the Gathering.
Nope none of those

psychoanalyse me