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IS MY BOYFRIEND ABUSIVE
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Last night, my boyfriend got verbally angry and aggressive towards me over a fight and was basically in my face. I explicitly explained that that's not on and he scared me and that I thought he was going to hit me.

When I brought up the fact we have issues he got extremely dramatic.

The fight is complex shall we say, and it involves other people. My parents even said he was being abusive.

So help me figure out if he's manipulative and abusive or am I just being paranoid?

Examples:

>he tells me to leave the room during a fight and when I do he stops me saying things like "really!!" or "Is that it?!"
>he excuses being uncontrollably angry with being emotional and said things like "that's just who I am" or "can't I have feelings" in the past
>he shouts if he's mad
>he's never been sincerely sorry to me from memory for a fight or being wrong or just to make up
>I always have to calm him down and apologise for my wrongful actions
>the last fight we had, he left the house in a rage with no keys or phone or shoes so I had follow him and make sure he was safe
>he also started saying things like I'm "better off without him" etc
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Hes abusive,
>he tells me to leave the room during a fight and when I do he stops me saying things like "really!!" or "Is that it?!"
But you are weak.
>the last fight we had, he left the house in a rage with no keys or phone or shoes so I had follow him and make sure he was safe
You look for sympathy but only you is keping you there. Next time he does this either twat him one or leave him for good, this inst going to get better.
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>>5711407
Be my boyfriend instead. I'll treat you properly.
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>>5711407
Sounds like you actually have a gf kek
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>>5711407
I don't know if he's abusive, but he does sound like an immature and spastic fool. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that.
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he's abusive, and it seems like there's something else going on that's stressing him out.
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>>5711407
Is "emotionally abusive" a thing? Unless you feel scared of him, I would say that he is just bad at expressing himself when he gets angry.
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>>5711407
>the last fight we had, he left the house in a rage with no keys or phone or shoes so I had follow him and make sure he was safe
lmao that sounds like something id do during a fit of rage
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>>5711407
He just wants you to keep him in line. Next time he acts up slap him a few times. He'll calm right down and probably suc ya dick afterward.

- t.guy who has dealt intimately with actual sociopaths
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>>5711407
anon i've dealt with enough people like this to be able to tell you that staying with him is only going to make your life worse. i know it will hurt, but cut him loose before he ruins you. good luck.
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>>5711729
>actual sociopaths
lemme guess, you dated a guy/girl and diagnosed them with bpd
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>>5711407
Without even reading the OP, yes. If you have to ask, he's abusive.
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>>5711610
I agree

>>5711648
yeah it's a thing. I have no idea if OP qualifies but there are plenty of people who have tried to get their partners to commit suicide or constantly tear them down or etc
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>>5711648
>>5711900

"emotional abuse" is a thing. It's also the most overused, inappropriately applied, label in relationship discussions. When a person tells me that a partner or ex was "emotionally abusive" without being explicit about what was done, they have told me absolutely nothing about the partner/ex. Instead, they've likely told me a lot about themselves, and their own pity craving, victimhood glorifying mentality. This is doubly bad because "emotional abuse" does happen every so often, and is a serious matter; but since people "cry wolf" so often, it is more likely to be ignored and dismissed as attention seeking exaggeration.
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>>5711407
You like it when he abuses you, don't you slut?
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>>5711407
>>he excuses being uncontrollably angry with being emotional and said things like "that's just who I am" or "can't I have feelings" in the past
>>he shouts if he's mad
Fucking run.

Get the fuck away from this person.
He is clearly abusive.
Do not stay with him.
Expect him to hit you soon. If he yells when he's mad he will hit you too.
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>>5711407
Doesn't sound abusive, just sounds like an immature asshole. Then again, you sound co-dependent as fuck

>the last fight we had, he left the house in a rage with no keys or phone or shoes so I had follow him and make sure he was safe

Really you nigger? He's a big boy - I'm sure he can take care of himself.

>I always have to calm him down and apologise for my wrongful actions

co-dependency and low self-esteem on your part, probably fear of rejection also.

>he excuses being uncontrollably angry with being emotional and said things like "that's just who I am"

That is who he is, apparently. Never get into a relationship expecting someone to change. People will only change when and if they are ready to - nothing you can do about it.

That's about all the advice I got.
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>>5711407

You're pretty beta. Maybe that's why he is stepping all over you.
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>>5711407
Ignore the trolls in most of these posts. Yes, he's definitely abusive, and there's no telling what will happen should you continue this relationship. That being said, I know it's extremely difficult to let go of someone you've been willing to love and trust from the start, but it's something that needs to be carried out as soon as possible. Recognizing and asking others (even on this board) is a great start since you're already making steps. I don't know the rest of your situation or what real life connections you have (although it seems like you're pretty close to your family), but it's good to build up a support system from your friends and family to help move past this. As for actually ending your current relationship, I really can't say much but it's best to just rip the bandage off and get it over with. It's probably better to do this in a not-so-private setting if you're afraid he would react in a way that would harm you (or through phone if you believe that's feasible).

You deserve better, and you don't need him in your life.
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>>5712315
That's interesting. Care to share an example or two? I know little about emotional abuse even though I hear about it probably the most frequently out of the main types of abuse.
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>>5711796
BPD's are not hard to spot
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>>5711407

I would highly recommend turning to psychological support; You seem to have problems (not that there is anything to be ashamed.)
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>>5712357
This person confirmed for retarded.
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>>5711407
Leave him, he's not worth your time. Staying with him is a mistake, and you have to be stupid for making it.
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>>5711407
He has a mental illness, I'm 100% serious
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>>5712357
Eh, not really. Yelling when angry is commonplace. That doesn't mean he's gonna hit him.
He still sounds toxic though.
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>>5712847
A couple mood swings here and there don't count as BPD.
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>>5712723
not that poster, but I have friends/coworkers who have used the label "emotional abuse" when what they really should have said was "he wan't as supportive as he could have been." For example, my former coworker got fired for being a pos worker who was frequently late, sick, or just bad at her job. She said that her bf (a friend of mine) was emotionally abusive. When I asked for examples, she got upset. One example she gave, was that he told her that if he was her boss, he'd have fired her a long time ago. It's important to note, he said this before she actually got fired, he's not so callus to rub salt in her fresh wounds.

basically, some people are incredibly thin skinned. They can't take any criticism, even constructive criticism. A lot of people want their SO to only be their cheerleader. They don't want ever want to be called out on their bullshit. When they get feedback that hurts their fragile ego, they interpret it as a malicious and inappropriate personal attack, or even call it emotional abuse.

A different friend of mine, his bf accused him of emotional abuse. I only have my friends side of the story, so it's a possibly biased. Basically, my friends bf was a sub, in the bedroom, and a little bit outside the bedroom. I know my friend pretty well; he's the kind of smart, moral, experienced guy who would go through all the proper procedures of establishing enthusiastic consent before engaging in BDSM. After they broke up, my friend told me that his ex bf was telling other people that he had been emotionally and physically abused by my friend. What the ex bf wasn't telling people, was that this was all part of a consensual bdsm style relationship.

The interesting part to me, my friend doesn't think that his ex is lying on purpose. He thinks that his ex, fueled by the heartbreak and hatred of their breakup, is miss-remembering their relationship. The ex is willfully forgetting that things were explicitly consented to, negotiated, and agreed upon.
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Whole thread is bitches.
Callous the fuck up.
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>>5711407
Just tell him to stop with his bullshit and if he does it again just ignore him.
If you can't stand up to him and explain that you're not happy with what he's doing then your relationship is going to be shit and you should just end it.
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Seems abusive, but take care about following sings:
>He tricks you into thinking you're worthless, waisting his time etc.
>He let's you find redemption in doing certain jobs for him, eg. let some of his 'friends' fuck you so he can lower his expenses from your relationship
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Those are just love taps. He just loves you a lot.
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>>5711407

Sounds like you're just fighting.

>OP's never dated a latina
Thread replies: 33
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