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What do I do /lgbt/ if I'm madly in...
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You are currently reading a thread in /lgbt/ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender

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What do I do /lgbt/ if I'm madly in love with a man who enjoys a polyamorous lifestyle and agrees to be with me but refuses to give up that lifestyle?

I'm monogamous and am not a big fan of polyamoroy. He classifies as gay but likes sleeping with multiple dudes and occasionally a woman on the rare blue moon.

I personally am not a fan of the idea but want to be with him, I feel though that being with him might be torture though, what should I do /lgbt/?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6EBzUh5Yfc
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>>5708012
I forgot to mention that link at the end is a link to OUR song.
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you are an idiot, prepare to suffer. get your cigarettes and shitty indie music ready
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>>5708070
Different anon but can you elaborate?
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>>5708070
>Annie Lennox
>shitty indie music

Oh right you must be a lesbian.
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you can't force someone to be monogamous, and you shouldn't compromise what you want out of a relationship for someone else

if you can't accept who he is in that way you need to move on and find someone more compatible with you
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>>5708012
There's this guy I know, named Blake.

He put's his loving boyfriend/side piece through this everyday. Kind of sad, desu. The kid just wants a functioning and happy relationship and Blake just likes to fuck around with everyone he can.
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>>5708012
Put a chastity cage on him.
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>>5708012
My ex and I had these rules:
-no cheating
-if there's danger of cheating, it's better to share.

We never brought someone else to our room (he broke rule 1 at one point anyways), but maybe it's something you can think about if you still want to be with him: if he wants to have sex with other dudes, you'll have to be there having sex with them too.
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>>5708012
don't do it! it'll always bother you and nothing will ever come of something where there's just original tension like that. unless, of course, you see yourself ever being okay with that (which i doubt).

or, if you're young and reckless, ride the wave and see where it takes you!

good luck
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>>5708012
"Polyamory" is code word who "I'm a big fucking slut who needs to sleep around constantly so bad I can't commit to anything remotely healthy or stable".

Don't listen to tumblr fucktards, that shit isn't by any means healthy. Get the fuck out of that. If he can't become monogamous it's because fucking around is more important than you.

Move on, now. For your own sake. Don't keep falling in love with someone who is only in love with pleasure - and himself.
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>>5708171
Le sigh, I can relate...

I want a man who will stay at home, and all the men I meet want to be with me but still have their sides...
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>>5708263
Fuck I could never do a threeway.
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>>5708012
This:
>>5708156

You're not going to change him (nor should you try) and he's not going to change you (nor should he try). Just move on, bro. You're not compatible and that's okay; there are other fish in the sea.
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>>5708449
Then you better not date that little shit.
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>>5708012
Give up on him OP, I tried to turn a slut into a monogamous individual, it ended badly for me.
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>>5708682
Story?

My experience with sluts has convinced me that only virgins are husband material. Not getting into a relationship with anyone unless he is a virgin.
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It's never going to work out, move on. You'll just end up with an incurable disease and a broken heart.
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>>5708746
How would he end up with curable disease?
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>>5708746
Are you considered a virgin again if you havent had sex in five years?
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>>5708704
Careful, that's how you catch the r9k disease.

Brief angst over the shallowness of people around you slowly morphs into a license to self aggrandize

At the end, you are left alone, the shallowest of them all.
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>>5709423
>not wanting a pure virgin husband
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>>5709459
Why should it matter?
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Leave him. It ain't gonna work out. I speak from experience.
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>>5708012
This isn't going to work.
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>>5709796
Do you feel content knowing that your bf has memories of previous encounters while you are fucking? Do you feel content knowing that he has had sex with someone else whom he perhaps loved as much as he loves you? When someone is capable of intimacy with multiple people sex stops being special. Sex is only special when it is shared with your significant other, when you have sex with multiple people it loses all meaning and becomes simply an act of pleasure instead of a bonding experience. If someone has had sex with someone else before you it shows that he is either a lustful slut or that his love means nothing as he is capable of loving multiple people.
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>>5709870
What would you say about a man who has lost his oral virginity but is saving his anal virginity for his one true love?
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>>5709930
I consider oral sex to be as intimate as anal if not more so it is quite important for me.
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>>5709870
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>>5709943
Nice meme
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>>5709930
Depends on how many times you have had oral sex and how long ago.
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>>5709367
his bf will give him hiv
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>>5709870
So you can never be content with a guy who's heart was broken by the loss of a man he loved, and who found you while searching for new love, because they previously had sex? And even if he loves you just as much, if not even more than the one he lost, you are still going to think of him like that?

Selfish pricks like you are insufferable
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>>5710514
I have nothing against such people but I am not risking it. I am not giving myself to anyone unless I am 100% sure that I will be with him for life.

>searching for new love

This is the problem. Love is supposed to be one, you are not supposed to be searching for "new love". It is not my problem that he was too foolish and trusted someone who was a piece of shit.

>And even if he loves you just as much, if not even more than the one he lost

I expect to be loved above all since I will give the same treatment. I cannot bear the thought of him thinking nostalgically about his ex when I devote my life to him entirely. And what guarantees that he wont forgive his ex if he returns?
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>>5710599
>Love is supposed to be one
kek
say that to my two bfs :^)
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>>5710619
Yes, the difference is that you are living a life of lust. There is a difference between love and lust but you are obviously confused. This cancerous behavior has consumed the entire modern world unfortunately, and especially the gay community with the open relationship and polyamory bullshit.
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>>5710631
No. I love them both. They both love me. They both love each other.
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>>5710637
This is a retarded meme, no polyamorous relationship is commited. You cannot convince me to accept your disgusting perversion of morality and no leftist rhetoric is going to change that.
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>>5710654
>no polyamorous relationship is commited
mine is.
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>>5710654
I do not even want to debate you at this point, I am tired of talking to subhuman animals like yourself. Keep your disgusting opinions and shove them up your ass. I think all polyamorous faggots should be gassed.
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>>5709870
>>5710599
>>5710631
Finally a true monogamist. The only thing I would argue is that in the beginning stages of a romance, it's nearly impossible to know whether or not you'll be with someone for the rest of your life.

I do feel the same way though that sex is very intimate, bonding experience. I absolutely could never dabble in promiscuity.
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>>5709870
>Do you feel content knowing that your bf has memories of previous encounters while you are fucking?

They could have only had sex with you and still think about someone else while you are fucking.

True love doesn't exist. Everyone will get bored of you and start fantasizing about being with someone else. The only true love is the one you have to yourself and if you love yourself you don't need anyone else.
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>>5710672
Glad to know there are people who think alike. We are rare, especially in the gay community.
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>>5710704
This is true, sadly.
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>>5710695
> The only true love is the one you have to yourself and if you love yourself you don't need anyone else.

Modern day hedonism and depravity summed up in a single post.
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>>5710695
>The only true love is the one you have to yourself and if you love yourself you don't need anyone else.

And they say Christians are bad. Christians at least pretend to love their neighbors, you outright reject all human love in favor of self worship.
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>>5710748
Hedonism is better than degeneracy.

>>5710772
>Christians at least pretend to love their neighbors
So to you someone who is honest is worse than a liar?

I much rather be a self worshipper than living in a delusion.
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>>5709870
16 year old detected
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>>5710809
We all shared these ideals when we were 16, didn't we? Then lust took over and the subhuman apes who plague this board went through all sorts of mental gymnastics to morally justify their lives of hedonism and depravity, yourself included. Of course those who disagree must be 16, after all you have been taught that hedonism is the true way to live for every "healthy" adult in the modern world. It would be foolish for anyone above the age of 16 not to give in to a life of lust and believe in the "false" ideals of love and commitment.
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>>5710850
you'll understand it after you've had sex.
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>>5710909
You did not counter any of my points. I already stated that I am not planning to have sex until I find someone I want to spend my life with. How would this change my perception? What is your point?
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>>5710951
you'll realize it isn't that big of a deal after all.
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>>5710986
For some of us sex is a deeply intimate and bonding experience, others see it as nothing other than getting your dick wet. This depends entirely on the person.
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>>5710986
The more sex you experience the more detached you become from it. This is not so much sex not being much of a deal as it is you becoming emotionally detached from it.
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>>5711011
The first time one experiences sex is always very emotional and intimate, but you become emotionally detached from it the more you fuck and the more partners you have. Soon hooking up is not that big of a deal, neither is having an open relationship. It is like pissing in someone else's toilet. Cheating on your partner means nothing, it is just sex after all.

This is what happens when you detach sex from feelings.
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>>5710996
>For some of us sex is a deeply intimate and bonding experience
That's what most people who have had never sex think, because they idealize it.

Trust me. I've been in a monogamous relationship for four years. We've only had sex with each other ever. We must have done it hundreds of times. Yes, many of those were deeply intimate bonding experiences, but many others were just us being horny and wanting to get off.

If you expect sex to be such an important thing every single time, you'll end up being dissapointed. After you've had it many times, even with one single person with whom you are in love it, you get some perspective and realize it can sometimes be something mundane, and that there's nothing wrong with that.
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>>5711031
You are correct. I do not expect sex to be intimate every single time and there are bound to be times when I am just horny.

The reason I'd like to be with a virgin is that a non virgin has either had sex as part of a loving relationship with someone else or to get his rocks off.

If he was in a loving relationship with someone else then post related >>5710599

If he just wanted to get his rocks off then he is emotionally detached from sex so I cannot trust him to remain faithful.
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>>5711063
I just realized I contradicted myself... You may be correct actually..... Perhaps it is not meant to be deeply intimate every single time.
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>>5711120
Still doesn't change the fact that I want my bf to be a virgin but you may be correct.
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>>5711063
>If he was in a loving relationship with someone else then post related

Well, You are entitled to your opinion.

To me, the truth is that no one gets into a relationship expecting it to fail, and no one gets (seriously) in a new one if they still think nostalgically about their exes (unless maybe if said ex died).

Sometimes people look for love, find it, and then it doesn't work because there are literally thousands of reasons why it can't work. Personally, I don't see how a failed relationship can put the validity of the following ones into question, provided the reason why it didn't work wasn't because he was unable to stay commited or he was unfaithful, etc.

But you have the right to be with whoever you want. So, good luck finding the right man for you. I'm just telling you this because one never knows what is going to happen, and you might find yourself breaking up with the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. I hope that never happens, but if it does, I hope you won't feel like you don't deserve love ever again.
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>>5708012
not gonna work, go find a bf that's actually better suited to you/you're better suited to them
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>>5711153 I appreciate your concern anon. I am extremely careful with my choices it will most likely not happen, hopefully. It is indeed true that I could never forgive myself if it did. May you and your husband have a good life together.
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>>5710599
> I am not giving myself to anyone unless I am 100% sure that I will be with him for life.
I'm not saying it's not a noble goal but there is no way that you will ever have that kind of certainty for anything except death.
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>>5708377
This
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