Lesbian here, not sure how this board works and what kind of material y'all post but I got dumped today and I'm feeling lonely. I live in a small town so it's hard to find someone I'm interested in dating, which makes break ups worse because I feel like I'm never going to find the right person.
Depressed, I've been playing videogames to keep my mind off of it.
Yeah, it's a horrible feeling. I live in Iowa.
Well, I only dated her for half of a year, but it was long enough for me to lose my dreaded feeling of loneliness. She messaged me while I was at work telling me that we needed to talk in person. I told her I knew what that meant and to just tell me. That's when she said she didn't think we were meant for each other.
That is okay and all, but I'm more terrified for being alone my whole life. I have a fear of death that I have had issues dealing with, and I don't want to die without finding someone I love.
That sucks. I live in the midwest, I'd have to travel quite a bit to get into a city worth anything. LGBT communities in small cities are the worst. Everyone knows each other. I'd like a girl that I don't know from anyone, really. Even an out of town girl. I'd move out of this damn place so fast.
Yeah, basically the same. Worst part is that there is a small lgbt community around here, but it seems to be basically all gay men.
How old are you anon?
Cos I mean, I know when I was younger I was certain I'd die alone and never ever meet anyone.
I'm 19. I'm not very pessimistic about never finding someone as much as I'm just afraid about it. I have GAD, all solely around my health and dying.
Sounds pretty similar to me at your age.
Shortly after, I ended up in a five year relationship, which nearly became marriage before she decided she wanted to be with a guy. Apart from that, we'd been a perfect team.
That shit was hard, and really knocked me back.
Like "Yeah, I guess that's that, what're the chances I'll find a match that good again?".
The fear can be hard to overcome. I still stumble with it sometimes, but I mean hell, where might you be a decade from now?You could be living almost anywhere.
You could be in San Francisco, surrounded by lgbt shit. You might be in Europe, the qt with a foreign accent getting all the attention in a bar.
Switched to my phone, can't grace you with Jessica Lange gifs from you.
Not having a partner isn't what bothers be. It's what comes with not having a partner.
I don't miss her. I sincerely thought the same way she did. We didn't belong together. It's the feeling I get of losing someone close in my life. It feels like someone passed away.
I don't experience emotional intamacy very often. I find it hard to do. I don't have friends. That's what bothers me the most. I try to make them but I haven't found someone I've clicked well with. I'd like to have a friend.
It's the depression. It's not like my normal depression because I have a reason to be sad, but it feels the same. I'm a very happy person, I love life. That changes very drastically when I go through depression. All I feel is despair. Depression is different for me. I don't feel it as often as anxiety. Anxiety is a nightmare but at least I know how to deal with it. I don't know how to deal with depression. I get very apathetic which I highly dislike. It's hard to explain, but when I'm depressed I don't see a reason to get out of bed. It's very difficult to get out of bed. It's like something is holding me down. I can feel it physically, too. In my chest. It hurts. It's like someone is putting constant pressure on it. I don't like the way I feel and I don't know how to fix it.
>this board is actually dedicated to transgender issues
It's very difficult to do anything aside from shut down when depression happens. It's what I'm doing right now, and it's terrifying. I get desperate to find a way to make myself stop feeling this way. I'm already sick of it and it just started.
Is anyone still reading? I'm not feeling to great.
>terrified for being alone my whole life.
>fear of death
I had one too some time ago and it went away after like 10 months, death can't be avoided, but fear can (and you have to do it/work on it) , because that's fear that's ruinning your life actually. And fear is often incoherent so fuck off to that fear plz.
Same about being alone and all I think, when you're with people you love you're just enjoying the moment, that's the most important, the "fear of dying alone" obviously is about something else than really dying alone, I don't think many people think intimate relationship as "filler of some scary void"
I never had any relationship though so I can't really help