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Anonymous
Confusion about pre-trans names and pronouns 2016-02-09 15:41:36 Post No. 5696252
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Confusion about pre-trans names and pronouns 2016-02-09 15:41:36 Post No. 5696252
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Confusion about pre-trans names and pronouns
Anonymous
2016-02-09 15:41:36
Post No. 5696252
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I have some questions and want to get some opinions or experience anybody's had with referring to trans friends in the past, before they began transitioning or even knew themselves.
Basically I have two FtM friends, one (I'll call S) who started transitioning a few years ago, has been going on T for a couple months, and just got top surgery. Another (I'll call C) only in the past 6 months or so started coming out as trans and started using a male name and pronouns.
Since it's kind of the crux of my confusion I'm gonna just refer to both of them before they transitioned as "she". I have no issue at all using their male names and pronouns now, this is just about the past.
I have a pretty easy time seeing S as always having been a guy. I didn't really know "her" that much when I was younger, but she was always a massive tomboy and such. I remember talking with her at one point just before she graduated high school, not long before she came out and started transitioning, and she talked about coming out as a lesbian and that she thought she might be trans but that her mom talked her out of it (wooh boy his mom is a whole screwed up part of his story...). Looking back it just kinda makes sense that she was actually trans.
C on the other hand I have a much more difficult time trying to think of as being a guy in the past, mostly because I had my first relationship with "her". She was a very feminine person when I first met and dated her, in the years after started being a bit more androgynous, and then in the past couple months has started coming out and working on transitioning. It's not a "I'm not gay bro!" thing, since I'm bi and could probably see myself dating a trans guy just fine, but it just doesn't work in my head calling our relationship a "gay" one since I didn't know, and she didn't really know either at the time, that she was trans.
It also just feels weird to me when people like C's sister talk about the past back in her childhood, about her "brother".
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...And?
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>>5696461
This. Not exactly sure what the fuck you want us to say, OP. Just because you can't grasp it doesn't make your ex not trans.
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referring to them as if they were another person in the past is stupid, you're stupid
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The relationship was a straight one plain and simple, Yes the person could have been trans at the time, but in the context of the relationship or atleast to you they were a she
Now when speaking about the past, like it or not until they start to transition and present they were still living as a girl, there is no shame in that, the fact is they had some form of female socialization. But theres no point in bringing it up either in general talking or stuff. If i refer to my or someone elses time, i just say my childhood, when they were in highschool, etc. It doesnt really matter unless talking about specifics, but like it or not their transition does not make their gender retroactive. It also though doesnt invalidate their gender now or how they feel now and felt back then.
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>>5696252
I get it and it's odd because, I had a friend who is dating a FtM guy except they were dating before he started transitioning. He calls him his girlfriend even though it's technically a gay relationship now and it's all sorts of fucked up.
>>5696875
This makes the most sense, but I still find it weird that my friend can continue a 'straight' relationship even though his girlfriend transitions to FtM and they stay together. Like, it's technically gay now.
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>>5696252
Holy shit... No joke, this has literally happened to me as well and I feel the same in regards to my "C".. Shit makes me feel like such a shitty friend.
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>>5696252
As an FtM, when it comes to talking about my past self, I leave things as ambigious as I can, rather than referring to younger me as a little boy or little girl, I just opt for child. I go for as much gender neutral options as I can, if I can't find one I just refer to my past self as a girl. Because it's awkward and totally forced if I call my past self a boy.
As for C, a lot of trans boys were feminine beforehand. Trying to fit into social norms, keeping themselves closeted. Freshman year I tried presenting as effeminate as I can just because I didn't wanna face the fact I was trans, so I don't judge other FtM's who were feminine in their past for that same reason.
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>>5697452
Ftm here as well. This.
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