Would it really be that wrong if I, as a gay man, tried to go for a "normal" life and got a wife?
I would still care deeply for her and I've managed to have sex with women, I just have to close my eyes and think about men. Besides, all the men I know who are married have told me they barely have sex anymore, so really it shouldn't be an issue for either of us.
Asking this because I'm this close to get a gf.
you'll slowly start to get more and more depressed. When you reach your 40-50 you will either
a) come out of the closet, break up with your wife and destroying your whole family
b) commit suicide
You're risking a lot of lasting misery not just for yourself but for multiple other people (wife, kids) on the very stupid bet that you'll never find a lasting gay relationship
Don't do this to that woman, anon
I won't bring misery to anyone though. I wouldn't even consider this if I didn't think I could be a good husband and father.
I mean, is really me being gay that big of a deal? Not being attracted to women doesn't stop me from being an affectionate life partner for one of them. Hell, it doesn't even stop me from having sex with them.
Where do you live that you can't have kids though? Adoption is a possibility. Or you get a surrogate mother. Or you wait for artificial wombs. Let's hope they'll be a thing in the future.
Third world. Adoption is nearly impossible if you are single, unless you bribe someone, and I'll never have enough money for that, or for a surrogate mother, for that matter.
Artificial wombs would probably be too expensive as well.
This is incredibly cruel and selfish. I'm a guy who got burnt by a lesbian in a way that is so, so much less severe than what you're talking about and I felt absolutely savaged. You would end up destroying your wife's life.
It worked for Aaron Rodgers
Just because you'd be able to care for your wife and kids doesn't mean you wouldn't be deceiving them. Your wife would believe that you love her romantically. She'd believe that you're attracted to her, which for many women is a very important source of self-esteem. And she'd reciprocate those feelings: she would honestly be attracted to you while your attraction would be a total sham.
You would also live the rest of your life in hiding. You'd be a liar for the rest of your life. Everywhere you go, everyone you talk to, you will be a liar, putting on a fake front for the world at every moment of your life. It is not enjoyable and it is not easy and most people do not make it through without letting their secret out.
I mean, I live in Amerikkka so things are probably really different in the third world for gay people but deceiving someone else for the sole purpose of making yourself more comfortable is a really shitty thing to do.
>She'd believe that you're attracted to her, which for many women is a very important source of self-esteem. And she'd reciprocate those feelings
But it's not like I'm planning on wake her up one morning and say "Surprise! Everything was a lie!" Ideally, she'd never know.
>You would also live the rest of your life in hiding. You'd be a liar for the rest of your life.
I mean I already have no option but to do that.
Well, first of all, the key word here is "ideally." Just because you don't want her to ever find out doesn't mean that it won't happen. It usually DOES happen in one way or another. And secondly, even if she never finds out it's still FUCKING WRONG to do this to somebody. It's just wrong to lie so deeply and fundamentally about something so important, and you will live with that on your conscience for the rest of your life.
> I mean I already have no option but to do that.
Fine. But don't involve MULTIPLE other people in your lies. They're not yours to just use like this. People are people and they don't deserve to be used as some sort of construction material in your attempt to build a socially acceptable life.
Who gives a fuck about the ideal outcome...? Ideally you would win the lottery and buy yourself a gay moon palace or something. What's realistic is that your secret destroys your fake relationship over time and whether you reveal it or not you ruin her life and make her miserable. Don't be a selfish idiot.
I mean what's the difference if she never finds out? I've been gay for 29 years and no one has ever find out, not even the girlfriends I've had. I think I know how to hide it at this point.
>you ruin her life and make her miserable
how can having a caring and loving husband make her life miserable?
I mean, I know I'd be lying, but who doesn't lie to their spouses? I know how to lie about this because I have to do it if I want to survive. And I only want to make other people happy. I don't see this as something selfish, every average man wants to live the life I want.
Is there any way at all you can eventually move somewhere more accepting? Maybe apply for refugee status at an American embassy or something? Any kind of organization at all that could help you get out of there?
>how can having a caring and loving husband make her life miserable?
>I mean, I know I'd be lying, but who doesn't lie to their spouses?
No this legitimately shows that your point of view is warped. Lying to your spouse on anything like this level is NOT normal and you are NOT a loving husband if you do! I think you genuinely just don't know what a healthy relationship looks like and that is why you're able to fool yourself into thinking you can have one with a woman.
OP, just start looking for a lesbian that wants to marry a man to maintain appearances. No one outside the marriage needs to know you are sexually incompatible, you'll just seem like any other couple. And if one day she or you want to try something with a man/woman, go and do it while still keeping the marriage.
If you find a chill lesbro bent on making this work and you aren't an autist yourself, things might turn out fine.
man, that'd be a dream come true. I have no idea where to find lesbians, though, let alone one looking for something that. Lesbians don't get that much shit around here because straight guys jerk off to them.
If you're third-world, then yeah. You should probably do that, anon. But find a wife who is okay with you having sex with men on the side, or even in your bed.
This is absolutely crucial, because you WILL cheat as you get older, and you don't want that to destroy your family.
May I just ask why you want to do this?
Homosexuality is not inherently "evil", "sinful", or "wrong". If you think it is, it's just a case of your cultural upbringing and social values. People you have learnt from have asserted these claims without a basis and you've just learnt to believe them. In some cultures, homosexual relationships were seen as a normal variation of the more common heterosexual ones (before said cultures were wiped out by Jews, Christians, and Muslims), so there's nothing objectively bad about being gay . Also, any scientist (especially a biologist) worth their salt would laugh at your seemingly pointless proposal, or any claims one may make to "objective morality".
Yes, getting into a nice LTR with another man will be hard, but it will be nowhere as hard as maintaining one with a woman. I have been asked out by (considerably good looking, according to heterosexual friends) girls, but I always turn them down; you don't need to take a gf, even if you are close to getting one.
So, what are your reasons for wanting a woman, other than "muh religion", "because I can", or "it's mean to say no"?
I live in a country were it's acceptable to fire (or not hire) someone from their job for being gay.
I'd end up most likely homeless because no landlord will accept someone gay.
Friends and family would cut all ties with me.
And on top of that there is no 'gay scene' here. So finding a gay man I'd like to be in a ltr with is pretty much impossible.
I've tried to get the fuck out of here but it's not possible. You need money for that, but if you start earning over certain amount, the goverment takes part of it in order to "redistribute wealthness."
>I've tried to get the fuck out of here but it's not possible. You need money for that, but if you start earning over certain amount, the government takes part of it in order to "redistribute wealth."
>the government takes part of it in order to "redistribute wealth."
I'd have recommended getting out of that craphole asap, but yeesh... You could save up money for ages and use said saved money to move country.
In that case, stay single and try to enjoy single life until you can get a husband without throwing everything else away. If you get with a woman, you'll have to break it off as soon as things get better for you.
P.S. If you're ever lucky enough to get to a gay-friendly country (I'd suggest England, Spain, or Canada; USA is overrated), don't look for guys in the "gay scene"; you'll just find hookups and AIDS. Try being out at work, joining (non-gay related) social clubs, or, failing these, a respectable dating site (not Grindr, Tinder, etc.). Doing a university course could also open up some options if you're not too old, but again, it costs lots of money.
Look, gay people are much more common than you might think. You certainly know some lesbians, you just don't know they are lesbians. There certainly is someone in your community, some old queen rotting in the streets or an unmarried old lady or two widows who live together as room mates, who knows who's who. And if you can't find that person, then search on social media. Make a fake account on Facebook or on the most used social media and try to find a local group about this stuff. Keep anonymous or use a pseudonym. Or you can use hook up sites and look for people who know lesbians.
If none of that works, then there are other options. You might not know, but there's likely a public bathroom on your city or some reclusive place where guys go to cruise. Discover where it is and go there someday, but not to hookup. Casually chat with someone near the hookup place and try to get some information. If you are so afraid of getting discovered, don't stay there for too long, just get a lead of where to go next and bail.
Be creative, mang. If you do find a lesbian who likes this idea of marrying a gay guy to keep appearances, then most of your problems will be solved. You don't even have to really LIKE each other, you just have to be friendly room mates.
I'm a lesbian who's been in a 'relationship' with my gay male best friend for 3 years. He's masc and i'm fem and my family hasn't questioned a thing.
We live in the same apartment with our real relationships who are also 'dating' each other.
go figure. honestly i can't imagine keeping this up long term, but it hasn't been bad so far
Sure go ruin your own life, the millions of gay guys who did it and killed themselves can't be wrong.