I'm a gay male grad student and there's a really cute undergrad (pic unrelated) in a mixed grad/undergrad course I'm taking. I'm not certain that he's gay/bi but I think he might be.
I really want to go out with him but I'm nervous that he won't be gay/bi and I'm nervous about the ensuing awkwardness if he isn't interested. I've never actually asked someone out except online, which was also the only date I had (along with two more with the same guy after). I mainly am just totally inexperienced and feel like I child and don't know what to do.
I think your are not outed in school, are you?
Could asking him cause trouble? Like he is telling friends that you would be gay or whatever. Then bullying and stuff? Or do you think that is the the type of person who understands it? We gays have a problem, mainstream fashion became too gay, so we can´t really see who´s gay,even though I somehow pass the test all the time haha. Gay-radars don´t work anymore I assume. Having a young cute boyfriend must be cool I guess.
I hope you´ll get him, people say try to ask/find it out at a party, but ahh.RAthera study group or something, maybe he isn´t the type of boy going to parties. You need to give us more thoughts and characteristics, so wecan givemore information. LIke what youth-culture he prefers and stuff like that.
You can't be sure unless you have solid proof. If you don't know anyone close to him or you are sure you can't get to know any of his friends, you may start to get subtly flirty to see if he picks up the signs. If he clearly does, then you can safely assume he's gay.
Or you can just say you're gay whenever there is a chance, like if he asks about you having any girlfriends or stuff. At that point you will know if he's gay or not by the immediate reaction.
We live in a day and age when being gay's fine. Particularly if you're in college. Ask him out for a coffee, make sure you lay it on that you're flirting with him. If he gives a definitive no thanks or acts like he's confused, then that's it. He's not gay or not into you. Done.
Will it be scary? Yes. But don't make it scarier than it has to be.
I don't care if people know I'm gay. The trouble I'm worried about is more just awkwardness between us because I like him even without him dating me.
We aren't really partying types. I'm a grad student and he's undergrad but we're in a very intellectual sort of discipline and I think both of us would be seen as nerdy from a third-person perspective. We're both shy, introverted, awkward socially, etc.
>Or you can just say you're gay whenever there is a chance
I've thought about something like that. I've thought that I could ask him if he wants to hang out an then we can better get to know each other. I'm worried that if I tell him I'm gay or if I start asking about if he's in a relationship and stuff that he might turn out to be straight and get weirded out. I think telling him I'm gay is probably the safest bet though since, if he's straight, I can't see him being opposed to having a gay friend.
I have no idea how to flirt. Up until like 2 years ago, when people flirted with me, I had no idea they were flirting and was just like, "why is this person acting strange?" Then I'd realize like a year after some incident that it was obvious flirting. I'm better at realizing when others are flirting now but it makes me uncomfortable and I don't know how to do it myself. Are there any basics I can learn?
I'm also just worried about how to ask him. Is there a safe or preferable way of wording it? If I were being honest I'd just say that I think he's very smart, interesting to talk to, and attractive but I'm worried that being that forward would be a problem. Am I just being to anxious here?
Hm, just go to him and sy something like, uhh, do you have the hw already (Idk how college goessorry), or what´s about the girls (I bet he´ll notice, that you feel in/uncomfortable. Touch his shoulder before you leave. If he says shyly not much, then you maybe can find a deal. If he´s shocked by you being very direct say something like it´s okay, he´ll find out, he´s a smart boy.