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2016-02-06 00:59:55 Post No. 5673742
Post No. 5673742
I love boys and I want to be a girl. I'm perfectly okay with being bisexual, but the fact that I might be transexual scares me so much. When I was eleven years old I discovered transexual porn, around the same time I was just discovering regular porn. It's completely tainted me ever since, and I went through my entire teenage years thinking that life would be better if I became a pretty girl. I used to masturbate to the idea of being one of my female friends, usually still with a penis.
But I want to have a wife, and kids. I'm sexually attracted to both men and women but I've only ever identified on a personal and romantic level with women. I don't ever want a husband. I want my parents to be proud of me, and I want to continue my family. I keep telling myself that will change, and that once I get a girlfriend that lasts more than a couple months, and once I start having sex with women, I'll lose all these desires. But it's still not happening, and I'm slowly reaching the point where I'll never be able to pass if I transition. (I'm 20 now and already missed my chance at truly passing.)
I'm so scared of living the rest of my life as somebody I'm not happy with. And I'm so scared of making a decision that I can't back out from, and denying myself the ability to have a "normal" family.
I don't know what kind of replies I am expecting to this, but I just wanted to rant and get it off my chest and somewhere public. I wish I had somebody to talk to about this that I was comfortable with. I could have, I had lots of friends who would have probably preferred me come out as transexual but I pushed them away and hid in the closet.
Anyway I just needed to make this post, I feel a little better right now.