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Am i trans/ trans help threads archive:
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What will hormones do?
Previous thread: >>5619075
How do I stop worrying until I can get on HRT?
It's going to be at least a few months and every day I know my body is getting worse and it's driving me bonkers.
>inb4 just get mones sooner lol
Not a possibility unless a fairy tosses them under my pillow.
I know this question gets asked a million times over but how do I know for sure if I'm trans?
I'm supposed to get my perscription in a week, I spent the last 6 months fighting to finally get these hormones and now that I can finally have them I've suddenly become nervous and confused as hell.
For the most part I see myself as female on the inside. I've always related better to women and imagined myself as one of them. I love the idea of having female features. My dong has always felt strange, like something that never gave me any emotional pleasure, just physical pleasure. I usually masturbate with a cloth over my dick so I don't have to really see/feel it. I've always like the idea of being penetrated.
Life as a girl seems pretty awesome. And yet I'll have short bursts of wanting to be a guy. Like when watching this video
or something like this
I just get extremely jealous of men and I want to be a funny guy just like them. Like I feel like I wouldn't be as funny as a woman I guess? I'm known amongst my friends for being funny right now and I don't want to lose that.
Concentrate on work/hobbies.
Practice your voice, this works for ftm too with a different approach.
Try to work on other things that are bothering you.
Basically work towards transitioning as well as you can.
Hormones can only fix so much, but they don't necessarily fix your brain and probably most of other problems you might have.
Hormones or not, you are still yourself.
>strong gender and genital dysphoria
>want to transition
>scared of becoming a freak
>want to kill myself
>afraid of death
>resign to change nothing
>strong gender and genital dysphoria
This has been repeating in my head at various rates for about 3 years now. Sometimes the cycle takes a few weeks, sometimes a few hours. What do I do?
I'm no expert on this, but I'd say the resonance is pretty good. Might want to try to work on the pitch, though. Like, when I heard your female voice, I could still tell it was a male speaking. Keep practicing, though! You're making progress!
not a trans issue but how the fuck do i convert complex feelings/thoughts into words?
i come here for advice and i cant even ask cause when i think about my problem my mind is just blank or returns gibberish
If you can't properly articulate your feelings initially you have to write down the basic emotions and whatever sentence fragments you can scrounge up. Then edit that mess until it almost resembles a sensible thought.
This is why therapy is needed. I too have issues trying to decide if I am trans or something else because of other issue I have. Though I have always had an affinity towards being a woman, and that has led me to realize that I really need to get therapy. I think you need to as well.
Just got back from the urgent mental health care unit. Got interviewed by 2 psychs.
On the upside I passed, they both thought I was an grill even though I had a male name.
On the downside I now have to go to therapy.
Hello. I think im gonna kill myself, i-i-i just don't know what to do. I've always related myself as a male since i was a kid, but still i've tried to look like a female, because i do not need any attention. I'm sick of it, I want to be like everyone, i want to love, i want to live like everyone, without suffering. And i really happy for those people who feeling great with their current gender, and for those who accomplish their dream and change it. But me? I don't have money (at all) to do such thing like changing a gender, i don't have any support (my dad is a fucking homophobic and i don't have any friends who will say something nice instead of "ewww"). And even IF somehow i'll become a male, what kind a man i would be with my fucking tiny hands, little body and 160cm tall!? I can't kill myself actually, because of my granny, (she is like a mother to me) she knows about my pain, but i don't want to hurt her. So forgive me for my crying, but i just don't know what to do next...
I'm sad for you, anon. Hons have it bad for sure, but they don't face nearly the difficulties that cats do during transition. It's likely that nobody will ever respect you as a man, and you will likely face more discrimination at work than either cis men or cis women. And nothing is more emasculating than being pet behind the ears, even though it feels so good...
Yeah, I do. >>5646692 I'm not going to have surgery money for a long time.
Even if I can pass publicly, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, and who would waste their time on an ugly transgirl? Chasers aren't looking for a long term relationship, they just want to screw a freak like I could be to get it out of their system.
How old are you? Are you a teenager?
Worry about yourself and your mental sanity first. Then worry about your love life. Get a therapist somehow. If you have to give an answer to someone other than the therapist say it's for depression. Get someone else to help you pick your brain.
here is an important thing to know about guys. they tend to be insecure about their height. tall here. in school i'd have guys clearly shorter than me ask my height and act incredulous when i said i was 5'10. they'd claim to be 5'11 (and be visibly shorter than me), and imply i'd been measured incorrectly.
worrying about height is something you have in common with cis guys.
once you're on t and can gain muscle faster, work out. muscle definition makes people clock you as masc (to my own dismay).
as for the hands? just keep em in your pockets.
I don't really have therapist money. My health care would cover hormones after a GD diagnosis but won't cover the therapy to have it diagnosed or any therapy after that to keep me from going nuts.
America, the land of questionable health care ethics.
Besides, I have all the certified armchair psychologists of 4chan at my back. What could possibly go wrong?
I get what you're saying about worrying about myself first, but if I do transition and end up alone I'll probably be more miserable than if I drown my dysphoria in (freshly squeezed non-alcoholic lemonade) but manage to find someone.
Content in (parenthesis) has been modified to comply with Global Rule 1.
>Called a psychologist place
>No one answered
>Called their other location
>A secretary answered, it sounded like I interrupted her from something
>"Hello, ___ ___ ___. ___ speaking, how can I help you?"
"Hi. How can I help you?"
It went downhill from there. I didn't know how to phrase what I wanted. I said I wanted to become "a patient". Asked who referred me. Said no one, said I was looking for a place in in my insurance network.
"...so we are?"
>Stumbled over insurance card information
>Stumbled over phone number
>Asks which doctor I want, just starts listing off last names preceeded by "Dr"
>Didn't know who was a dude or a dudette, didn't know what any of them specialized in
>"Whoever is taking new patients. I don't know any names."
>She says acknowledging but doesn't say who she picked or give any information about them
>She asks what I want to see the doctor for
>I "um" after a few seconds so she knows I'm still on the line
>".... ...just... ... ...general..."
>She seems to take this an answer
>Says they'll call me to schedule an appointment
>I say thanks and she hangs up
>It's been 48 hours
>Paranoid that I gave my phone number wrong somehow
Fortunately I tried some place else and got a much better response.
There are certain advantages that come with being a woman, and certain advantages that come with being a man. You'll just need to decide if the pros of being a woman outweigh the cons. Nobody can have it all.
A bit late now but you could have just gone to your primary care doctor and said you wanted a referal to a therapist. Could have even sent them an email depending on who you've got.
I've been struggling with dysphoria and the idea of transition for most of my life. I've never been happy with myself but never able to commit to the idea of transition. Through introspection I have reached the root of my problem but I don't know what the hell to do with this information.
I am transgender but don't consider transwomen or transmen to be real women or real men respectively. I want to be a woman but I can never become one because I'll never be able to experience childhood as a girl, so I'll never have the foundation that every real woman has built their life on.
It would be nice to have other people consider me to be a woman and treat me as a woman but if I am unable to consider myself a woman I don't believe that my dysphoria will subside.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
i'm in a similar position to you too, and i'm still going for it.
i feel that the heavy focus in the west to force trans individuals to try and be invisible and conform absolutely to cis standards is detrimental, and yes - it doesn't acknowledge that when it comes to our upbringings we had to grow up as boys and that will always separate us from cis women.
i felt reassured by the culture surrounding the hijra in south asia, and their recent success in being recognised legally as a "third gender" in many countries.
it doesn't mean that they aim to present androgynously as nonbinary individuals, they are still to all intents and purposes, trans women who want to present as closely to the female type as possible, hormones, surgery and all, but it's an acknowledgement that they have gone through different life experiences and as such cannot be expected to have their worth as humans measured and judged by cis standards.
i understand that many trans individuals in the west WANT to be invisible, they want to go so far in their transition as to never be outed by anything short of the complications surrounding fertility, but this is something only the youngest and most conventionally attractive transitioners can hope to accomplish, and is detrimental to the self worth of those who can't achieve that.
it only aids anti-trans sentiment in labeling us as deluded for insisting we are "real" women by cis standards.
i don't want to be held to cis standards. i just want to be allowed to be me.
What should I do if I too am in denial?
Got the letter, but I'm OK with my dick, and my mom has gotten into my head about it being a phase.
I also posted a thread that kind of sank, for any additional information about me.
What size is it reasonable to expect my breasts to grow to if I am starting at 19? Similar to my cis relatives or bigger/ smaller??
One cup size smaller is optimistic, but still realistic. Could easily be an A cup forever though. Bigger is almost definitely not happening unless you cut a deal with a supernatural entity of some sort.
Okay, so I found out I was trans over a year ago and now I'm at the point where my options are either waste away until I get the courage to kill myself or just transition and probably kill myself. Well I'm only 20, hit puberty pretty late, and don't have too strong male features so it might go well. Anyways, I've been seeing a therapist about my depression and I'm hoping that they'll find out that I'm trans because I'm not comfortable enough to just up an say it. I've been trying to drop hints and they've talked about androgyny with me but I'm getting a little impatient so I guess I need tips on how to lead them to figuring out my gender issues without me up and telling them. I've done a shit ton of closeted trans things and keep trying to think of ways to bring them up organically, but the conversation keeps shifting to my parents. I know this all sounds a little convoluted but I need help with this
Write it down on a piece of paper and shove it in his face you autistic piece of shit. If you can't do that then write it down and tape it to your shit. Then put on an extremely thick and uncomfortable jacket that you will have to take off, exposing your note.
I understand that, but I was thinking that talking with a therapist in concerns to transsexualism is more straight to the point. It's like knowing you're trans but seeing a doctor for body dysphoria.
I'd say you're going a little too much into the nose, maybe use a teensy bit more breath to offset that - it's really close though. Also, try and vary your tone a little more if you can. Still though, it's better than my girl voice (which I'd put up here but I have this really weird cough and it hurts to speak).
I just can't accept that myself. I don't want to relegate myself to a 'third gender' or have standards lowered so I can feel good about myself. If you can live with yourself like that, I'm glad you can be happy, but that's never something I could do.
I really need some input from someone with the same fucked up view as mine.
>I have this really weird cough and it hurts to speak
Do your knees hurt too?
I have ridiculously unrealistic standards as well. We don't need to lower our standards to be happy. I've found that it helps to find contentment in knowing that I am doing the very best I can and to worry less about the things which I can't change.
accept that you were born anatomically male. it wasn't your choice, you can't change that fact.
don't see it as "lowering" your standards. just because you're different, doesn't make you less-than.
understand that, as in the case of the hijra, transgender people have thousands of years of recorded history evidencing their prevalence - it's just a fact of life that in organisms with the complex, fine-tuned neurological wiring we have, some people fall outside of the population modal.
i've lived far too much of my life too scared to assert my self, hiding it behind a facade developed out of the longing for social acceptance. but it suffocated who i really was inside and i just can't. don't do that. don't try and live your life to satisfy the expectations of others.
it takes bravery to assert yourself but if you keep on holding it off, it will get to a point where even if you're scared out of your wits you won't feel like you'll have a choice anymore, and that you will HAVE to transition regardless. that is the point i finally reached last year and i wish i had had the guts to accept it sooner.
I've been trying to get a binder, but don't want a spechul snowflake custom binder. I've finally stopped having to use ace bandages/sports tanks/layering shirts since moving out.
I'm dealing with a lot of issues of sizing--I have a few from gc2b, small, and tried on a friends medium, but the front panel is way forward.
I have the issue of under my chest, my ribcage is very VERY small. (It measures 26" underneath my chest, and I'm in between a size small and medium gc2b above that, across my chest). Does anyone else have this experience?
This helped me.
>find contentment in knowing that I am doing the very best I can
>hiding it behind a facade developed out of the longing for social acceptance
These in particular struck the right chords.
I think I'll see a therapist and get diagnosed with dysphoria. Start at the beginning, right? Thanks anon and not anon.
>Avoid any foods rich in testosterone like red meat
>spearmint tea is a natural anti-androgen
Ok, I picked up spearmint tea, and am going to replace my red meats with chicken and salmon. Should I just drink this tea constantly or what?
>If you have a lot of money on hand you could try saw palmetto as well.
I did find some but it was only $7 for 250 capsules and was marketed as good for prostate health so I didn't think it was the right thing.
>Practice your voice
I found this http://pastebin.com/dgipdsge in /mtfg/, is it any good? Would I be better off with a speech therapist? The pb mentions 'shortcut' a lot and that doesn't really inspire a lot of confidence, but it also mentions 'free' a lot which is a major turn on.
Being ok with your genitals isn't uncommon.
Parents hold out hope that it's a phase because they're scared to adapt to an new and unknown future, on behalf of their child and themselves.
The fact that you don't exude the same confidence and happiness as (semi-)celebrities doesn't mean you're not trans. A lack of confidence doesn't make you a faker. It's a big deal, so it's natural to ponder, weigh and do test-runs before going full stride ahead. "don't fix what's not broken" is good advice only if status quo actually isn't broken. In the end you're the judge of this.
You should definitely try to get another therapist, I think you need a pinch of luck to find a good one first try (though not knowing what GID is is ridiculous for someone billed as a gender therapist).
This is my first time posting in this subforum. I've recently started going to a therapist for gender issues that I've been suppressing my whole life. Its been a long time since I put on women's clothes but my girlfriend is at work and I tried on an outfit. I never really thought I'd pass but besides my face, I was pretty surprised.
Anyways. I've been severaly depressed over the last few months because I keep telling myself my face is way too masculine to pass no matter what my body looks like. How powerful is FFS and HRT to a male face?
For various reasons I wouldn't be able to start transition on my own for about a year, and would need at least one of my parent's help. The problem is my father would kill me and bury me in the yard and my mother would probably not react well either. Should I just try coming out to my mother, or should I just tell her I want to see a therapist for depression and then play it by ear?
Can't really suggest coming out to either if one of them could have a really bad reaction. At least not without backup in the form of friends and a place to stay. You should get a therapist first.
Well, according to pic related, you should have at least two cups a day.
Full disclaimer, though, it was just something I ran across while browsing /lgbt/. I have no idea how much of it is accurate. The logic seems sound enough to me, though, and it matches up with some other research I've done, which is why I've been following it.
I feel like I have done more to address my feelings on transness in a productive way in the last week than I have in my entire life up until that point. At various points of crisis in my life I started to do some research but I always felt that it was wrong to do so. Like, even by reading up on what it might mean to be trans or what the effects of HRT felt so scandalous and wrong. Like I was allowing myself to be mislead and just giving in to whatever deviant and diasperate thoughts creep up on me sometimes.
And part of it was that I was scared too. Because sometimes I could imagine the results as being positive; but also seeing that the road ahead wouldbe long and scary. That id have to put my career on hold. Find new friends. Abandon my family. And all for what? Because my fucked up brain was telling me I liked dresses and wanted to be cute? (Of course its much more than that- but that's what the "logical" part of me was telling the rest of me- that whatever I was feeling was just only just superficial). But I never allowed my chance the chance to explore the questions, because I thought "if you ask yourself if you're trans- than that's the same as admitting that you are". But, wow, that's totally not the case is it?
So start small. I let my hair grow out, because I like it better that way. I let my nails grow out because I always thought nail polish was cool and I want to try it. I painted my nails. It was cute (by my standards). I kept a journal of mostly run on sentences and posts I copied from off here. I read a lot of articles about what it means to be trans. The way dysphoria manifests in people. How similar is it to my experience? how do I feel when I out loud "I am transgender" (okay- haven't gotten that far... Baby steps)
so why bother blog that out even? Because it's been helpful to shout at the void and hear an echo back. Because it's made me a little less alone. Because I want to not be guilty of being anything except confused.
Tips on coming out to parents? My parents are fairly liberal but I still don't know how they'll react.
I've been talking to friends and a therapist about this issue for like 2 years, but I don't think I can get the ball rolling on anything without telling them.
Do what i did. Build up the issue a week as some ominous horrible problem that you got. Your parents will expect the worst at this point already so they will most likely be relieved about you just being trans.
Sorry i know this board is already a cesspool of negativity and self pity and nobody needs another one of these but i am sad. I went to a gender therapist who is willing to work with me even though i can hardly pay for more than 2 sessions a month. Not sure how long until i could start on HRM. But i think i will never pass with just that. My body seems workable but my face is too deformed by puberty to ever look feminine again by just taking hormones. I already went and got opinions several places. Hard to explain my situation but i simply don't have the money for any kind of surgery nor will i ever be likely to have it unless i am given it somehow. I will probably never have my face, voice and genitalia corrected and always see a man when i look into the mirror. You know if there was just no way to make me passable it would be easier to bear than knowing that it can be done but i just wont be able to have it. It is the ultimate fuck you from the universe right after not being born as a girl. The thought keeps me up at night for hours on end. I am holding out to see what HRT does to me but at this point in time I wish that i could just start over or at least have a peacefull death and be at rest.
Sorry i derped there.
What i did unintentionally was essentially making my parents feel like there is something horribly wrong with me for weeks but without ever actually telling them what it was. So when i finally told them they where just relieved that I wasen't hearing voices telling me to kill people or something like that.
Maybe not the best strategy but it worked for me.
Can you take cypro sublingually? It has a rather mild taste and melts rather fast or does it only work if it goes through liver?
Just wanted to say that your post made me smile. I've been trying to take my own small steps lately to kind of "test the waters". At this point, I'm not sure if I'm trans, but I know that when I dress up at home, put on mascara, or even just delicately apply lip balm, it makes me happy. And at this point, that's enough. I can take my time to figure things out and see how far I want to take it. But in the meantime, just knowing that other people feel similar to me makes it all the better. So thank you for that. :-)
This post made me smile. I can relate to so much of your process. Takes me back into the big surge of ineffable emotion I felt when I first dared to look those feelings in the eye. It's indeed nice to know you're not alone.
I have been doing exactly this unintentionally with my parents since November and it has created a lot of negative tension in our relationship. My mom ultimately thinks I'm disowning her. She even admitted fear that I might kill her, which makes no sense to me because I wouldn't. She is blaming herself for a lot of things now.
Voice you can do on your own. http://pastebin.com/dgipdsge
Face you can just give hormones a shot and hope for the best.
Genitalia is way out there. Whatever you do don't get one of those $2000 Thai jobs. That is a shortcut to suicide.
I wish you the best of luck. If it's any consolation I am also hideous and poor but will continue to live even if I never pass and am just an ugly femboy with bitchtits for the rest of my life.
'Use' it to stop the muscles from atrophying. Shouldn't get too much smaller, but your body might decide FUCK YOU and you'll have a 2 inch nub by the end of 6 months.
I can play off therapy as depression but I can't really justify picking up estrogen at the pharmacy.
I get that I should have a back up plan, but I have other medical conditions that make me very dependant on them, at least for now.
I just can't stand letting testosterone do more damage until I can treat myself.
Hey I didn't want to make a new post just about this. But Im a male wore women's clothing from head to toe for the first time just yesterday.
It felt so amazing, I felt "free" as cheesy as it may sound. I even put lipstick and eyeliner on, I really like what I saw in the mirror, not in a sexual way but it just looked right. (I'm sure I looked awful)
I'm not gay, I find women attractive and I do like my penis and don't want to part with it. But I feel like I want to be a "girl", just one with a penis who likes women.
That being said I'd feel weird if someone else called me a girl or said she instead of he. I'd really like if I could just go out dressed as a "girl".
Help? Am I fucked up or something? Am I even welcome on this board? Should I be asking this somewhere else or even at all? I don't know what to think of myself...
Explore it. You might just like to cross dress.
I personally felt very similar to you the first time I tried on women's clothing. I went on to develop very severe gender dysphoria, but that's just me.
You'll be on HRT chugging jizz in no time.
Or maybe you're just a crossdresser, which is still a thing despite what all the bitter trannies out there will tell you.
It's not unreasonable to think you might be repressing something, but at the same time it isn't reasonable to assume you are.
At any rate, get some nice panties you fruit. See where it takes you, and don't let anyone else, especially someone here, tell you what you are or want.
So, physical health question: I started HRT a few months ago (MtF) and while it's been going well so far, I've been having some health problems since starting.
I've always been prone to aches and pains, but since starting hormones, they've been more frequent and more intense. Since last night, I've had a really persistent headache and neckache on one side of my body, and I had a slight fever earlier but no other flu symptoms. Last week I had severe pain in one side of my abdomen, which lasted for a day or two. I've also had on and off pain in my lower abdomen, right above my genitalia, for the past few weeks. I've been getting dehydrated a lot too, and urinating a lot more (I've heard that's common for people on anti-androgens but I'm only taking estrogen).
Are any of these symptoms, or health problems in general, normal for people on HRT? If so, are these problems permanent or do they go away after a while? Should I be worried about any of this? Should I see a doctor? (None of my doctors know I'm on hormones other than the endocrinologist I'm seeing for HRT, is that something necessary to tell them?)
Yeah, you should probably tell your fucking doctors.
Aches and pains are to be expected, but you have every reason to be worried. This stuff isn't natural (not that anything that isn't natural is poison) but they aren't really good for your health. I'd see a doctor if you have any concerns.
As far as being worried that they're permanent, they shouldn't be. You're going through puberty again and your body isn't pleased about it. It's letting you know that something is amiss.
Are you afraid to tell your other doctors that you're on hormones because they might tell you to get off them? You should emphasize that your transition is not something you can stop lightly, because it is a health concern too. But listen to your doctors.
I know it's not natural, just wondering if those are normal symptoms for people on HRT.
How long does the puberty phase of transitioning last? If I suddenly stopped taking HRT, would that make things better or worse?
Yeah, I feel like they'd tell me to stop HRT. And I'm worried they might start blaming all my health problems on hormones, even if other things were responsible. And I'm also worried they'd outright discriminate against me for being trans, or feel uncomfortable around me.
Cross post cause mtf Gen is garbage
So let me start by saying I'm not a trip.
I'm a transgirl that moved to TN for God knows what reason anyways I need to find an informed consent clinic stat as I'm running out of mones I bought when in house was still in biz of giving hormones like candy. What is the closet clinic or site like in house that doesn't require a signature or anything? And I was taking injections should I just find something else cause I hated how my levels were all over the place?
A friend of mine named Alex has gotten Alice back despite being a very masculine CIS man. I wouldn't bother with that.
Typically no more than one year. Stopping wouldn't make it worse, but only hormone rebalancing or 'detransitioning' will truly amend it. Hormones exert huge amounts of control over the body, and you are playing God right now.
>Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.
Why didn't you do your research before starting this? You are aware that what you are doing is very serious and should not be taken lightly, right?
I'm a 19 yo self medding britfag, earlier today my mum told me she found all my shit. Pills, clothes, yaoi, etc.
I should be happy that she seems accepting but I just can't deal with the situation, I don't know if it's shame or what but I'm literally shaking and feel sick that somebody found out about me, I can't look her in the eyes even.
Does anyone have any advice at all??? I feel like dying.
Well since she didn't basket your goods I'd say things are alright.
You will need to talk to her about it though. Maybe not right this second, but soon. She's probably very worried too.
My advice would be to hide your secrets better in the future, but that doesn't really help now.
forgive me if I'm posting this in the wrong place. I'm not trans. Is it possible for someone who isn't to experience dysphoria? if so then I have for a long time. See, one of my legs is all fucked up and has been for about 20 years. It hurts to run or to walk more than a mile. I walk more than that daily and still play sports when I can, but every morning my game leg hurts like all hell as a result.
I fucking hate it. I'm tired of my deformed, broke-ass limb and haven't been able to find any way medically or otherwise to fix it.
Do you feel as if your leg doesn't belong there? Like you want it gone?
Changing ones sex is one thing, but removing a limb is another... Don't do it buddy.
>a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life.
So yes, it is possible for anyone to experience it for just about any reason. The thing is, we deal with 'gender dysphoria' here. Sometimes that gets broken down into 'genital dysphoria', 'social dysphoria', etc. but at its root all we discuss is being really upset that you aren't what gender you want to be and ways to stop being reminded of that. What you're describing is in fact dysphoria, though of course not gender dysphoria. Dysphoria is also common in diabetics, the crippled, and the autistic; basically anyone with a condition they can't deal with that makes them chronically depressed. It is not, however, gender dysphoria, so we can't really help you find coping methods.
Also this >>5671961 do not remove leg if that's what you're thinking.
Cause it's possible there could be a tranny that lives in Tennessee? I done my research all the places that have informed consent are super far away and I don't have a car. Id go self
Med but even in house requires a perscription. And all day chemist has Jack shit, qhi is getting as rigid as in house. Isn't this thread for help I'd expect such snarky answer from mtfgen not here.
>even in house requires a perscription
Many people here have said that if you tell them you'll fax it then they'll send you your order anyway; I haven't seen anyone refute that so far.
fuck no, I don't want the damn thing gone. I just want one that works properly; medical science is at this juncture unable to provide one.
My dad spent a few years trying to talk me into getting it amputated but I wouldn't do it.
sorry to vent about unrelated shit in y'alls thread. peace!
What is the best anti-androgen? Living in the UK, self-medding, and I want to do the best I can with regards to the early stages of female development before I make it to the clinic. Spiro, cypro, bicalutamide?
Ouch. What you're experiencing is a natural reaction to anyone finding out sensitive personal info you didn't feel prepared to share.
Once you've calmed down a bit and gathered your thoughts, you should talk to her. She's probably googling stuff, not sure what to do or how feel. Who knows what she's reading. Understand, it's scary for a parent to discover so much stuff that's totally alien to them. This will be uncomfortable and awkward, but if you talk to her and establish honest communication sooner rather than later then she might have an easier time coming around.
I had a similar experience, and my reaction may/may not be like yours; use what applies. In the aftermath of the situation my mom had a difficult time coping with it all, which I felt she had no right to. So I threw a tantrum and left my mom in the cold for the beginning of my transition. I really regret it because even if it was my prerogative to go through with it (and it was definitely happening regardless of her feelings), by not taking it upon myself to talk to her about it and include her to some extent she was left feeling massive anxiety on my behalf, trying to piece together how I felt and what I was doing to myself through whatever she could find online. I didn't like that on top of transition I had to deal with her emotional fallout, which from my end took shape in her bringing up alarmist articles she'd read. Had I had some distance I'd have understood there was more to it. There should be a modified Kübler-Ross model for all this.
You should be honest with her. Tell her that you weren't ready for anyone to know, and you're feeling stripped naked. She should know that it isn't something you take lightly. It's no hobby. Get a couple of links for her to read - stuff that aligns with your own understanding of yourself. Listen to her feelings but don't yield your own. In the time ahead you might have to re-emphasize the point that this is happening and she shouldn't try to stop it.
FtM with severe social anxiety here. I really want to build some muscle, but I'm a poorfag and can't bring myself to go to a gym or somewhere public. The thought of sweating and grunting and embarrassing myself by being super weak in front of other people is excruciating. What do people even do in gyms? I've never had a gym membership. Do they talk to each other? Do they make eye contact?
>move into new apartment complex with fitness room
>"I'll work out all the time and I won't have to buy my own weights and this will be great!"
>can't even get up the courage to walk through the fucking door
>finally force myself to go in there today
>it's empty except for one young woman finishing up her workout
>walk around room, awkwardly inspecting the machines and weights
>she's just sitting; neither of us have acknowledged the other
>be about to explode into spaghetti
>stand and stare quizzically at one of the machines, hoping she'll go away
>she's still sitting by the door, playing with her phone
>oh god what the fuck do I do
>rush out the door and back up to my apartment, defeated
Should I stick with bodyweight fitness shit? Should I save up and buy weights of my own so I can keep hiding in my apartment? Should I try to use the machines in the fitness center and probably make an idiot of myself? Should I just go ahead and an hero now?
Would it help if you listened to music though headphones while you work out? It may give you the feeling of separation from your surroundings that you need to be comfortable.
Unless your problem is not knowing how to operate the machines, then I'm in the same position and can't give advice.
I tried that route first.
I haven't seen a doctor in six and a half years. Finally got insurance and tried to get in with him, apparently he retires next month and said they'd stick me with someone else and treat me like a new patient. Said they could get me in March 10th. So wait a month to get a referral to wait another month? Fuck that.
The other place responded to my email within 12 hours, she said she'd call me Friday (today). I got off work at 4 am and slept about 5 hours. This has been me all day.
In retrospect I probably should have told her I work overnight so call me anytime. She's probably waiting for regular business hours to be over.
Hahaha. Wrong image. Guess which board I'm from?
Is the use of a mantra dangerous for transitioning?
Whenever I am doubting myself I have a mantra I recite in my head to restore my determination, but I am hesitant to rely on it for trans issues because I don't want to force myself to do something I don't really want to do...
...on the other hand, I don't want to wimp out, stop, and regret it later.
How do you know if you want to transition for the right reasons? All this AGP stuff flying around has me in a tizzy. I'm fairly certain that I hate myself because I'm masculine but I might just hate my masculinity because I'm a pathetic failure of a man with a tiny penis. I think that I might be happier if I was a girl but I don't really know. I'm attracted to the idea of having a vagina but the reality of SRS revolts me. I get absolutely nothing out of the idea of being a woman over the age of 45. I think it might just be escapism. I just don't know.
Alright, it's late and i'm super tired but i keep thinking about this and maybe you can help me. I met a guy...
So basically we dated during summer and had a great time together, till i had a depressive phase or something and ignored him without a reason. I just stopped replying to his messages, deleted my social media and stopped caring. Sometimes he annoyed me, he had little quirks which could drive me insane... I forgot him for a few months, till he messaged me again two weeks ago.
I was high off my mind on opiates that evening, crying tears of joy and was just happy to be alive on this earth and had so many caring people arround me and then ´bzzzz! bzzzw!´ - "hello, how are you doing?"
It was him. I messaged back. I explained why i cut contact, that i'm trans (i'm basically stealth at this point and i don't think he knew anything back then) and that i'm so terrible sorry for hurting him so bad.
He seemed to understand, he didn't seem angry and most imporantly: he didn't care that i was trans.
I don't even know if he knows what trans means; i'm just not sure where this is leading to. He lives abroad and will drive a few hours just to see me for 2-3 days and i'm kinda afraid and kinda stressed about it. He stated that he may move to my city, even if he won't get the job he applied for. He said that he thought about me almost daily, messaged me every few days/weeks and couldn't get me out of his head. "We had a great time together and i got to know you as a wonderful girl, i just want to spend time with you and get to know you better"
I just can't grasp it... this guy is extremely attractive, has a car, money, something like a career and i'm working part-time in a lab, have no money whatsover and try to finish my studies with no drive left.
Is this true? Can this be true? I just feel like shit that someone truly seems to love me, that he's ready to take so much risks for an idiot like me.
I kinda want this but kinda not? Am i overthinking everything?
>I get absolutely nothing out of the idea of being a woman over the age of 45
I'm starting to think that's just an age thing.
What do men have at 45? Do you honestly know people of any age over 45 who has something physically desirable?
You're probably just thinking of Hollywood actors. And guess what, they look like that because they're the handsomest motherfuckers in the world because they make the beauty standard and their careers revolve around their looks, at least indirectly.
Surely you can still have your same hobbies and job as either gender.
I'm pretty sure that if any member of my family opposed my transition, I wouldn't do it. I couldn't. My family mean more to me than I do. God, it feels bad.
My mom would stand by me through a lot of bullshit, if I killed somebody I'm pretty sure she'd get me arrested but agree that my actions were probably justified. I just worry that this would be something even she can't accept. Or any of them would think I would be screwing up my life, protecting me from a stupid decision.
Which is the selfish option, going my way or going my family's way?
Do you really think that they would react worse to you transitioning than to you murdering someone? (I mean, I get how you're feeling, I felt that way too. But you need to not let your feelings make you falsely judge the situation as worse than it is.)
Not him/her/xer/they/xey/tumblr but there are some families who would gladly take murder of transgender. Namely mine. In fact, coming out to them would probably result in a murder. Which is why I'm going boymode until I can change my name and disappear.
Transition is... public and embarassing. I'm the good one, I don't want to disappoint anybody. Murder is a mistake, transition is a continued choice. Branches of my family are so estranged and alienated from each other, I don't want to be rejected by the little family I have left.
I get that all too well. I guess another option would be to talk to them about how you feel without saying that you are or are not transitioning, and see how they respond. That way you aren't making a continuous choice (yet at least), you're just saying how you feel at the moment.
I'm kind of in the same boat, but at the same time, it's about what makes you happy. At the end of the day, you don't have to answer to anyone except for yourself. Not your friends, not your family, nobody. So it really doesn't matter if every single person in the world loves you for who you are, if you hate yourself, trust me, you'll feel it.
I'm not saying to be a completely selfish dick about it, but I am saying that if you live your life constantly trying to satisfy everyone except for yourself, you'll probably end up disappointed.
re: working out. Did the machines in the fitness center have instructions or diagrams on them? I think that's a sort of common thing for exercise equipment. It's totally acceptable to study those before getting going on something. Thats what I did / still do
Unless your family has said something in the past incredibly negative about someone gay or someone who looked like a transvestite -or- is deeply religious I'm going to make a disgustingly over generalization and assume overall the generation that raised the generation in their 20's is more liberal about this than you would imagine. In part, that's thanks to media pushing gays and weird people into the spotlight to humanize what was once just seen as sexual deviancy but is now seen as people with alternative lifestyles.
>I'm the good one, I don't want to disappoint anybody
That sounds so familiar. I've felt that way since I first told them and chickened out. Decided to just get really religious instead. All that did was make me feel guilty for my mind as well as still hate my body for years, hoping that God would just fix me.
Very possible, actually. I am.
I haven't started HRT yet though. Just recently starting seeing a therapist.
I am seeing a very nice and supportive therapist who specializes in this stuff though, if you need one.
Ok so I don't think I'm trans. I thought I was for about 3 years but now I'm over it. Just suddenly stopped caring. Pre-HRT but figuratively balls deep in the femboy lifestyle. I'm just not feeling any of it anymore. What the fuck?
Is this a thing that happens? Am I going to be alright?
Are you afraid of the relationship falling apart and the subsequent blame you might feel? It might fall apart. But then again it might not, and if you actually want this ,but don't find out for yourself whether it would work out then it could haunt your quiet moments for a long time.
It's a common problem for trans people not to feel worthy of love or anything good. It's also horseshit. It's horseshit.
Meet up with this guy. Don't devalue yourself over not having the same social status as he does. See where it goes. And get enough vitamin D and some good pre/probiotics in you. It's no silver bullet cure, but it can dampen depressive phases - and it sure washed my brain. (On that note, it sounded like a great night but stay careful of the opiates. They're lovely, but they're crafty and looking to get paid down the line. As you know, but still.)
Good luck, anon.
A transitioning MtF doesn't necessarily always turn into a hon. It happens when they stop giving ALL fucks about what others think of them and start wearing horrendously cheap wigs, neon purple eyeshadow, red heels... You get the idea. That's their idea of transitioning, but not yours. Go at your own pace. "Transitioning" only needs to mean going as far comfortably possible. You don't need to present female immediatly. Start HRT now, let it do its work, and in the mean time work a good-paying job while presenting male. In only a few years you'll have money for all the FFS needed.
Yeah. That's sort of where I'm at? I've moved on from the fear and confusion of what being trans might mean to me and bowled headlong into the fear of what happens if I transitioned and it was terrible. I think a lot of folks in these threads are at that point. Like, that they feel like crap in their current identity, but don't necessarily want to trade that for feeling like crap in another one.
To me it feels kind of like choosing the devil you know over the devil you don't? You know you're unhappy now (I'm using the royal you here, not you specially anon) but you're afraid you'd be even MORE unhappy in the future. Kind of a scary proposition.
I can't say as I have a ton of guidance. I try to practice small steps. Earlier tonight I did some make up and looked very intently in the mirror to see what I saw. I pushed around my skin. Felt my bones. Analyzed every errant bit of stubble. Tried looking from a few different angles; covered some parts of my face. Or others. In the end I felt ugly and decidedly unfeminine; but not necessarily uncomfortable. It was nice to at least try something on even if it totally didn't work.
So, I don't know. You're not alone anon. Do you ever try small steps? Small expressions? How have you felt after trying something more related to your desired indentity?
Awesome sorry I missed you reply you could just link a website or something I don't trust this site enough for you to post someone else personal information but please any help is greatly appreciated .
I guess that could work... How would I hide my fancy new tits though?
Sort of. I shaved off all my body hair and that made me kinda happy. My outlook is more A) Do nothing and hate myself a lot. or B) Transition and either hate myself a little or hate myself too much and invest in a helium tank. I don't know what to do. I've always been a gambler but I don't like my odds...
(dunno how 4chan handles posting links but here we go)
The website's coloring seems to have broken somewhat for me, dunno what that's about.
It's just the coloring of the site though.
Where it says "please go to the link below to create an account" etc etc, highlight the blue line next to that little paragraph. For some reason the link is in some kind of spoiler.
So, I'm going to self-med because I don't have health insurance. I've narrowed who I'm going to buy from down to IHP or ADC, because those are the only two that can be trusted apparently. But having said that, just HOW trustworthy are they? And which one is faster with delivery?
Maybe. I feel like that would snowball, since a logical question is "so what, are you going to change?" Then I'd panic and give the game away.
The self-hatred might kill me, but doing something that pushes my family away will cause different self-hatred and that might kill me. I just really hope they let me try for the sake of my sanity.
Religion around here isn't really the done thing, but neither is transgenderism. My parents seem to regard homosexuality as some kind of strange novelty, in a "oh those wacky gays" kind of way. There's not much of a precedent.
I think I'm sort of getting religious because I'm scared God is going to be really pissed at me. You might notice a theme here of "oh man everyone is going to be so mad oh man".
>You might notice a theme here of "oh man everyone is going to be so mad oh man".
I was always scared to do anything that someone might point out. I shaved my legs because I liked it until my dad noticed it, he was amused and asked why I did it. I told him I didn't know then just stopped because of that innocent conversation.
I was scared to grow my hair at all because someone would point it out.
I hated looking at myself so I hated showering. This lead to my family always pointing out when I showered which made me want to shower even less.
It's pretty awful how pathetic and soft I was at one point.
I can't get over the feeling that I'm not worth the effort. It's too late for me to be anything but an awful awful hon. I just want to lie down and accept I'm going to be masculine forever to save myself the heartbreak (and the money).
How do I lose muscle faster?
Honestly? Probably being a little bitch, i.e. sensitivity and insecurity. Not wanting to be talked about, not wanting to be noticed.
Also not wanting to be a disappointment. When people tell you your entire childhood you're "the good child" who "never caused any problems" you can't step away from what you think they expect from you or tell them anything that sounds weird because you're worried you'll get punished. Even though you were never punished for anything and they've never said they were disappointed in you in any way.
Maybe partially paranoia.
I don't know, I'm going to see a therapist about how much I hate all my masculine traits and how depressed I was from puberty and I'm sure we're going to have to drag all of these feelings out to talk about them as well. What are the odds I get the crazy pills I want to take this decade? I'm worried if there's no dysphoria about people seeing me as a guy (it's all I've known) and I don't hate my penis she's going to laugh at me and tells me I'm not "trans".
But I feel for me it's time to stop worrying about what others think. I like "who I am" as far as my personality now that I just act and do whatever I want. But I still absolutely hate my body and all the male things I see in the mirror.
What are you talking about? Federal laws always have higher authority than state laws. A state may go, "Muh-muh state sovereignty," and they may try to start something, but they're just the federal government's little cuck bitch, and they'll be saying, "Yes, daddy," by the end. School desegregation as an example, including 'Ole Miss in 1962 and the University of Alabama in 1963 after the Supreme Court (federal court above all federal circuit courts) decision Brown v. Board of Education. Or more contemporarily, the conservative fretting over getting a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage after the Supreme Court said gay marriage has always been constitutional. Federal government law prohibits post-'86 full autos and currently prohibits under 21s from being sold hanguns by licensed firearms dealers.
When you see different specifics to the laws on different issues depending on the state you are looking at it is because the federal government doesn't have anything beyond some basic rules set out, if at all. If it did, you would notice the laws are pretty much standardized. The states can add on to federal law, but not take from it. That's why the federal minimum wage is $7.25, but my state has it at $8.38. You won't find a single state under $7.25.
Federal constitution>federal law>state constitution>state law>local law
This is all too familiar. I can't even keep up with which members of my family aren't on speaking terms. I was so afraid of losing my relationship with my family that I put off starting to transition for over a decade. I tried to keep playing the "good girl" role. When I finally came out, it went pretty much as I had feared. I don't know about murder, but death, in my mother's mind, is apparently better than being trans. Injecting yourself with dangerous chemicals because you have some form of psychosis is unacceptable and embarrassing to the family, ya know.
Yeah, and the machines are all huge and intimidating. I've never seen treadmills or ellipticals that big. There's this one gigantic machine that seems to let you do like 20 different exercises.
I'm not exactly the most coordinated person, though, and I end up inadvertently hurting myself a lot, so I can see this going very badly. I'm picturing myself incorrectly setting up a machine, pushing/pulling on something, and...I don't know, falling over or doing something else dumb, while whoever else is in the room snaps pics on their phone(s) to post online as "LOL GYM FAIL XD!!!"
This is so stupid. I know I just need to walk in there like a normal person and act like I belong and not give a shit about what other people think. How did I even get this way? I'm paranoid about everything and I just want to be alone or invisible.
I was exactly like this until pretty recently. One day, it was like a switch was flipped, and I was like "nah, fuck this, I'm done being a doormat." If only I hadn't spent over 25 fucking years being one...
Lie in bed all day? Give it to me? That pic tho. Why.
>eat lots of almonds
Wait, what? I thought almonds were good?
Looks pretty easy.
>I was exactly like this until pretty recently. One day, it was like a switch was flipped, and I was like "nah, fuck this, I'm done being a doormat." If only I hadn't spent over 25 fucking years being one...
Nigga, I'm 25 too and it was sudden too.
The switch was flipped December 23, 2015 as I laid in bed and realized "wait, fuck this". I think it's a quarter life crisis. I almost got out at 17 but I chickened the fuck out and became religious instead. Which just made me hate "me" and hoped a higher power would fix me if I depended on it hard enough. Years later I was a broken, bitter person and it's been a process to find myself again.
It's time I be more "selfish" and do things because they make me happy and not care about my insecurities or "what will my parents/grandparents think". The truth is they probably don't care as much as I'm worried they do and I'm the one who has to live with me. At the same time, I want to remain open with them though.
Just the thought of DOING something about all this has made me feel relieved some even though I still look the same.
A therapist was supposed to call me yesterday. Somehow I didn't get a text from her. Just emailed her. She told me to call her in a few hours. The excitement is real.
I'm hoping I can make them understand that it is a medical thing, it's easier to think about it as a psychosis to be treated than a lifestyle change to make me "feel better". I don't know what kind of medications I would need to take to dull this misery otherwise because, man, I shouldn't need to just live with this. I don't want them to think I'm choosing the worst option to deal with this.
First of all, states can and do have their own laws banning things not banned nationwide, such as the sale of estrogen or anti-androgens to those without a prescription. If federal law explicitly said they MUST do so it would be a different story.
Secondly, there are cases where states have resisted Supreme Court rulings, namely the overturn of California and New York's Assault Weapon Bans, which are still locally enforced despite being declared unconstitutional by the SC. Technically you are legally allowed to violate this law but that doesn't mean you won't get thrown in prison and that doesn't mean you're going to get a threaded barrel shipped to you in CA without a class 3 SOT.
There doesn't look to be a ton of info out there for folks in that situation. A lot of articles talking about transition at various life stages and dealing with those feelings; but I'm wondering if there's a required reading list for copeing with dysphoria if you don't plan to transition (or if you feel it isn't right fit you)
Specifically I wonder if there is a constructive way to deal with regret. Maybe that's more of s general psychology question that a therapist could answer- but the cycle of regret is pretty much killing me
>me every so often
>"but what if I transitioned"?
>nah, too late
>"but what if I had the last time I thought this?"
>yeah, you shoulda but now it's too late
>"but you said last time..."
>yeah, lol j/k. You shoulda
Bleh. Regrets. I've had a few
I probably should stop doing that, thanks
>Are you afraid
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, a lot and i've talked with him about that. It's just new for me feeling loved, or even attractive.
I tend to do well being alone, but i know somethings missing. When i'm meeting other people i just want to be alone again, when i'm alone i just want someone i can make happy, someone i can hug all night, talk with, listen to... typical introvert, right?
>get enough vitamin D
If you talk about getting enough sun, sure, why not. If it's about ´the vitamin D´ then yes, i hope i will ;)
>Meet up with this guy
I will, i can't wait till we meet again. Thanks.
>stay careful of the opiates
I have a receipt for those and i'm within the therapeutic doses. Usually i need 1/4 of the maximum allowed daily intake to have a nice trip and i only do it once every few months.
>copeing with dysphoria
Well there's always unhealthy escapism. I pretend to be a girl on the internet sometimes.
>the cycle of regret is pretty much killing me
I've escaped that thought cycle. My logic is as follows; Transitioning after puberty is possible, but a bit of a fool's errand. Transitioning after 20 is a joke. Full stop. Sure you would do better if you transitioned at 21 than 25, but either way you're not going to do well. Saying it's better to transition at 21 than 25 is not really true, because you're a fucked up mess either way. So now it's just a constant wistful longing. Which is... better? Maybe.
It depends on how busty you and your female relatives are. I haven't even started hormones but pueraria mirifica has given me b-cups after 2 months. I have a big chest though. I just wasn't expecting to have to explain this whole mess so soon.
I've read you can slowly "cook"(using whatever means to keep them very warm over a long time) your balls to safely kill them. Is this valid? As far as I know, a lot of methods will make your body absorb them and not cause any issues.
Keeping your balls too warm will only kill your sperm, it won't have any major effect on testosterone production. You would need to actually damage them to do that. The "safest" DIY way of killing them would be to inject them with some high proof alcohol. You probably shouldn't do that though.
trans help gen, i think i transitioned without being aware of it?
i'm a grill (and i consider myself cis), but i've been wearing baggy men's clothes and "cosmetically" deepening my voice ever since puberty hit. i'm older now, mixing men's button-ups and sweaters with women's jeans, and have my hair short, my chest flat, and my voice low. i get "sir"d about 80% of the time, (and "ma'am"d the other 20), which doesn't bother me at all unless i'm in front of someone who knows my sex -- then i feel really bad, like i'm about to puke.
>lots of 'join the army' ads on TV lately
>longing sets in
>find site about army LGBT
>plenty of info about LGB
>next to nothing on dealing with T
>the few transgender testimonials are from women
>nothing on a transman's place in the army
>tfw will never live, train and fight alongside your brothers-in-arms
>tfw will never find a solid purpose and sense of belonging
>tfw will never have the chance to give your sad, strange, defective life for something bigger than yourself
>tfw will never be a better you
I'm guessing you are in the UK?
I used to know a trans in the Navy, and he said he was treated really well.
I doubt that they'd let you go on the front lines until the law is change to allow women to do so though.
>I doubt that they'd let you go on the front lines until the law is change to allow women to do so though.
That's what I worry about. Regulation could keep me from certain roles then I start resenting whatever I do get because I didn't get a shot like everyone else.
>pretending to be a girl on the Internet
>"how come you never talk on vent Nicole? Do you have like a MAN voice or something?"
>"dude, be nice you know she's shy"
>[private message]: "it's okay Anon, I don't like to talk either with all these boys. Don't them them get to you"
I got to that point and would mumble out a few words sometimes. People seemed convinced. Haha; I actually just remembered a really funny interaction.
>[private message]: I've always wondered anon, are you a real girl?
>[me]: umm... Why are you asking?
>[private message]: bc like I wonder sometimes about people that play girl characters. And some people were asking cus you never talk on vent
>[private message]: but I keep saying that you are because most of the other guys that play girl characters are pretty open about it.
>[private message]: plus real girls are usually more shy like u are
>[me]: I just want to play the game now. Can we talk about this later?
>[private message]: okay, I get. You're definitely a girl and just don't want to get flirted with.
Whatever you say man.
That bad feeling you get: Is it tied to feeling like the person who knows you and overhears you getting "sir"'d might think you are being deceitful? Maybe they'll react to it and make a scene on your behalf? Reactions springing out from that vein are what I used to fear in those scenarios when I was just getting my footing in my gender identity and presentation.
Anyway, you are simply dressing and presenting in a way that you're comfortable with. You're allowed to do this. Other people's presumptions are not yours to accommodate. If someone you know brings up that it's weird when people call you "sir", you can dismiss it by saying it's an unnecessary hassle to correct little instances like that. It's not on you to disrupt the flow of conversation to correct irrelevant assumptions. What do you care what a stranger thinks? Who even does care except people who think the worst thing a girl could do is be mistaken for a boy. You just want to bag your groceries or drink your coffee and move on with your day.
If you're straight you're a tomboy. If you're lesbian or bi you're a dyke.
You're not transgender unless you want everyone to treat you like a man but you might be considered a transsexual by some with very loose definitions.
If any of your friends bring it up just shrug. If anyone asks say you're a girl. Easy peasy.
I've gone through the whole back and forth of whether or not I'm actually transgendered and after plenty of irritating doubt, I've come to the conclusion I am indeed transgender (MtF). The biggest problem I can see at the moment is my height, 6 foot 6. If it wan't for this, I think I would have come out to my parents already (who I live with). For the moment I'm genuinely stumped as for what to do. Anybody have any kind suggestions. Thanks! :)
the only thing i can think of is if you do want to transition and want something to strengthen your resolve, watch clips from My Giant Life
try not to pay attention to height and weight stats in mtfg for example.
>too masculine to transition
>too cowardly to end my life
Why do we have no information on coping with dysphoria besides how to transition? I feel like that's something this general should cover. After all it is 'Trans Help General' not 'Transsexual Help General'.
Injections are pretty easy and not horribly unpleasant unless you're doing it wrong
Another Nicole who played WoW for years and avoided talking on vent because they were pretending to be the opposite sex? That's creepy. I'm FtM, though. I loved playing my big dumb male orc and tanking and getting treated like "one of the guys." I was harassed so hard once someone eventually found out I wasn't a cis man, and after that, everyone treated me differently. I quit playing after a while, which was a good thing for my life, but I miss it a lot. I still get cravings whenever I think about it, even though, from what I've heard, it's completely gone to shit.
There is a danger that if you just try to limit it to crossdressing in private, it could escalate.
The only thing I can think of doing is that if you do decide to live as a cis man, be honest from the outset with anyone you begin to develop a serious relationship with about your dysphoria and its possible future implications.
If you can find a partner who takes that risk seriously and seems that they would be supportive should you feel the need to transition later on, that will give your relationships much more solid foundations.
I plan to limit it to nothing at all ever.
I don't think I can have a relationship with anyone. I just wouldn't want to make someone else have to deal with my own problems with myself. That just seems a bit too selfish.
that's why you be honest about your dysphoria from the outset of the relationship. if you seriously sat down with them and went over the implications together, so they knew what they might be getting themselves into, that gives them an out if they don't want to deal with your shit.
but don't sell yourself short otherwise.
Yeah, I was a TBC baby, and I wish I could go back to that era of WoW. I had some good times. I am, admittedly, a vidya pleb and realize that WoW is awful, I am awful, etc., but I get nostalgic for things like playing endless games of Alterac Valley for rep, exploring Karazhan, collecting stupid shit like [Ripped Ogre Loincloth]...I need to stop, or else I'm going to have to go back to a private server again. This isn't /wowgeneral/ and I can't do this because I need to be an adult with a job. Fuck.
Anybody got tips for living as a man with bitchtits and a defunct penis? Should I just avoid any relationships until I can surgically and socially transition? I'm going to be living with my parents for another year or so, am I going to be able to keep my HRT a secret that long?
So, like if I've felt some intense pangs of jealousy at seeing women just being since adolescence, and like am freaked out by hair encroaching onto my hands and knuckles but am totally fine imagining myself with tits and hips, and if I catch myself looking kinda feminine in the mirror (even if I'm wearing regular-day dude clothes) I feel confident and affirmed, all of that kinda points in the trans woman rather than cis-man direction, right?
no it won't. i went to the doctors over my dysphoria without saying anything about trans, just mood states, my behaviour in coping with feeling like this. i got a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and put on mood stabilisers and anti-anxieties. They didn't work. I had the dose ramped up. I was moved onto anti-psychotics and mood stabilisers. Didn't work. I moved up to a schizo dose. I was a robot, I slept 16 hours a day, held down a part time job working 4 hours a day. I learned to drive despite not being safe to drive. I still had dysphoria. I couldn't do anything about it. I had no energy. I had no emotion to express it. I was totally flattened out. It took a year to reduce the dose to nothing. I was afflicted with headaches and it took me a while to realise these headaches were 'annoyance' and other anger based emotions I had forgotten about. It was fucking awful. I had to be on no medication and let my liver recover for 6 months before HRT. Don't do it.
No guarantees but outlook is not good. Although trying different antidepressents is generally better than amping up the dose.
"Killing the feelings" is an unlikely outcome anyways. You want to be able to manage whatever problems you have and be functional.
That's where I'm heading to right now. I got antidepressants and antipsychotics. Later made me horribly agitated but didn't change anything about dysphoria. I guess giving it a try is still worth it.
Creepy? Maybe I guess; stranger things have happened. I'm not surprised that you played an orc dude and tanked - just like I'm sure it won't surprise you that I played a girl Drenaei healer. Shaman in fact.
I really miss WoW sometimes. Partially because of the gameplay and the challenge (I was super into it BC/WotLK era. I had like 6 level 80s. Mostly healers. Shocking, right?) but I think partially because it was nice to live a sort of separate life where I was (at least superficially) treated like a girl. It was my secret that none of my IRL friends knew.
Ultimately probably not terribly healthy for my mental state because I still wasn't addressing any issues in any meaningful way. But, idk. whatever. My shaman was way cute though.
Do I need to start my transition with my primary care doctor if I need an endo? I'm not really comfortable self-medding since I've got type 1 diabetes and a family history of endocrine issues.
Yep, I loved being this big meatshield standing in front of everyone and "protecting" them. I got to play out a role that I never would have been in IRL.
Draenei ladies were pretty fine.
I suppose in a more enlightened time, or if shit gets bad enough that we start drafting everyone, you could be the driver of an M-1 Abrahams, soaking up small arms fire from ak 74's, plugging a gap in a defensive line that got opened up when a truck bomb went off in front of second platoon, laying down enough HE and 50 cal fire to keep everyone back until close air support can come in.
And little dudes actually fit better in those tight quarters.
But take what you get. Even an average woman can be a mama bear. Think of what you can do., if you really want it.
Just cut my shit up senpai
You could ask about facial feminization directly or go for specifics like chin reduction or rhinoplasty.
It's recommended to be on hormones for about 2 years before you make any surgery choices that fat redistibution can interfere with after the fact.
Hello, not looking for judgement but just help
I've heard HRT makes you infertile and kind of breaks your dick in terms of being able to get hard
If you stop taking HRT/detrans, does your dick stay the same as it was after HRT did stuff to it?
Infertility is almost always permanent if it occurs. If that matters to you freeze some of your swimmers.
The problem with getting erections is usually entirely atrophy, so if you 'exercise' it it should be alright. You might lose some size though.
Stopping HRT usually doesn't help you recover from atrophy, but detransition would. You'll never get any inches back though.
>Usually insufficient hormones for proper transition and regular use.
Ambiguous wording. My bad.
Usually insufficient hormones for proper transition. Full stop. In addition, they use their penis regularly.
>Stopping HRT usually doesn't help you recover from atrophy, but detransition would. You'll never get any inches back though.
Wait, detrans and stopping HRT isn't the same thing? assuming no surgery or anything
Don't know what atrophy is either
so their hormone levels are always fluctuating or their dosages are too low to damage their genitals but still give them boobs and feminine figure?
also isnt the use of the penis not that important if it comes to fertility?
id say its pretty 50:50 if they are ugly not
>Wait, detrans and stopping HRT isn't the same thing?
Stopping HRT means you stop estrogen HRT. Detransition refers to testosterone HRT to get you back up to speed.
>Don't know what atrophy is either
Atrophy; verb; (of body tissue or an organ) waste away, typically due to the degeneration of cells, or become vestigial during evolution.
>so their hormone levels are always fluctuating or their dosages are too low to damage their genitals but still give them boobs and feminine figure?
>also isnt the use of the penis not that important if it comes to fertility?
Use of the penis isn't the problem for fertility. HRT sterilization occurs in the testicles.
>id say its pretty 50:50 if they are ugly not
Not everyone loses size on HRT and not everyone loses function on HRT. Some of them surely do normal HRT doses. Then there's also the money aspect. Pornstars tend to have more disposable income to blow on surgery.
that is a good point.
im about to start some kind of treatment and i was wondering if there was a way to transition without loosing fertility. i know this is kind of a sin in the transcommunity though. what would you say i should do, freezing a load is pretty expensive but an option if there is no way around it
>Oh, I thought that T would just make itself in my body on its own after stopping estrogen HRT
It does, but sometimes your body gets all screwed up from the estrogen; especially the testicles, which are important to testosterone production.
>i was wondering if there was a way to transition without loosing fertility
Sometimes you don't lose fertility. There have been cases where transbians impregnate their partners even after 3 years of HRT. I guess the question is... do you feel lucky?
>what would you say i should do, freezing a load is pretty expensive but an option if there is no way around it
If it matters to you freeze some. Sure it's expensive, but do you want to spend a bit now or regret it a lot later? If it matters enough for you to consider it then you could very easily regret it.
it definitely matters to me, thats why i was curious about it. perhaps i could make it through with a lower dose and do regular fertility tests. even though the doeses are lower they should still have the same effect, but act much slower right?
i see, luckily from what little response ive gotten from my body its very feminine, and andro face. its the latest pic in the passgen in case youd want to comment on it.
ffs is also something ive been looking at and is saving up for when the time comes
yea it would for sure, i was gonna save up for ffs regardless as i have some features i have loathed since i was a kid.
ill definitely be going over this when i meet with the GIC next week though its always nice to get the opinions of others
Good luck love. Just bear in mind there's no guarantee that a lower dose would keep you fertile and HRT isn't the only risk to fertility. If kids with your genetic code really matters you should freeze.
thank you anon. i really appreciate your input!
blood related offspring does matter a whole lot to me, so ill be looking over the freezing options available as well.
HRT ofc isnt the only thing, but i assume its the most destructive one when talking transitioning, only second to SRS, or are there other things that can follow from it?
That's about it for transitioning. I was just talking about life in general. Your sperm is being kept in a very fragile, squishy meatsack historically proven to be prone to failure.
For now. Eventually your sadness will kill all your other emotons and you'll be so desensitized to it nothing will matter.
Plus you won't be a disgusting chimera of masculine and feminine traits, which is nice.
im mostly desensitized after years of shit
becoming a chimera is somehow something that i believe could kickstart my life. either that or ill just off myself, its pretty simple in that light
I agree that it could lead to suicide, but to kickstart your life?
It's not good for your health and fairly expensive if you get far into it.
Seems like a way to drive an otherwise uneventful life into the ground.
I've been thinking about mtf transition but don't know if I should, I wish I was a girl a lot of the time. I shave the lower half of my body. I don't hate my male genitalia and I only hate my face and chest and hips. Wat do
20yo already pretty unhappy surrounded by people who will accept me
i have literally nothing in my life left. suicide has been a constant thought ive had since i was 7. im tiered of everything, the only thing that brings me the slightest amount of joy is dressing up at home, it makes me feel better about myself, and when i learned about transsexualism, so much of my past started making sense. so with nothing left to loose, basicly, i think its worth a try. my shotgun wont go anywhere regardless of if i try and kickstart my life like that, or keep on living as i have if that makes sense
You are extremely trans. You sound like me when I was 15. You're identifying against the most masculine parts of your body, and working to feminize what you can get away with, plus you're having clear ideation with the fantasies.
Once you get started, you'll lose a lot of your anxiety and turn into a person you had no idea you could be. Do what you already know needs to be done. It's okay to be scared, but it's not okay to let that fear control you and cripple you.
I'm worried my Chin is too big. Is there anything about my chin. Also I think my face is too Masculine. Any advice? I have 3 more months before my appointment with my gender clinic. Should I post pic ?
>I'm worried my Chin is too big.
>Is there anything about my chin.
>Also I think my face is too Masculine.
Start saving for FFS.
>I have 3 more months before my appointment with my gender clinic.
Try and cut dietary testosterone and boost dietary estrogen. Won't do much but definitely won't hurt.
>Should I post pic ?
Only if you want to. You probably look like a very depressed dude though. We have enough of those pics.
I do shave.
I've been trying to boost estrogen, i've been following a chart do you have any that might help?
And i meant to ask if there is anything I can do about my chin >.>
>I do shave.
Well you ought to.
You do look more feminine and slightly happier than the usual fare. That's good.
>I've been trying to boost estrogen, i've been following a chart do you have any that might help?
Just avoid red meat, mushrooms, and cruciferous vegetables. Go for soy products, dried fruits, and spearmint tea. So much spearmint tea. You can go for pueraria mirifica too if you like, but you may as well just wait for real estrogen.
>And i meant to ask if there is anything I can do about my chin >.>
Yeah, FFS. That or get really lucky with HRT, but 'be lucky' isn't good advice.
Femgen shitposter here, really haven't wanted to use a bra despite the estrogen use but somebody said it stops the whole pain stuff while you sleep.
We're they right or just trying get to trick us?
Low protein diet + lots of endurance cardio, that is long distance running, biking, whatever. Repetitive light cardio for 30 - 60 minutes every few days will burn through muscle.
This PT made an article with more info, worked for a 210 lb bodybuilder, will probably work for you.
why is it illegal for someone to prescribe life changing hormone treatment without being diagnosed with gender dysphoria by a psychologist in the united states. I want treatment, but don't have good enough medical coverage to get a psychologist to diagnose me. I've felt this way since age 3, and am know rediscovering who I am at 22. something happened to me at six to cause me to lie to myself basically convincing myself I was a dude. I always knew it didn't feel right. I've tried taking my a few times as an adolescent and as an adult. the drugs didn't kill me and I'm still standing, but I don't know what to do. I've been self prescribing spearmint tea, and soymilk, but I'm not seeing any results, please help me...
Bra really restrict freedom of movement and they're uncomfortable with their straps and everything. Plus I'm a boy so I shouldn't wear one.
Is there any alternative to getting their Nip protection without the actual bra part?
Search for HRT clinics near you with 'informed consent'. They'll let you buy the shit if you sign papers saying you know you're fucking yourself up beyond repair. Self med and get bloodwork done every so often to make sure you're doing it right.
training bras typically have no underwire, sports bras don't at all, but they compress the chest. Get the right size and just focus on wearing it a little at a time. It can be uncomfortable, but the right fit and just letting your body adjust to it makes a big difference.
Venting shitpost. Feel free to pass over.
Not sure if I want to transition. Hate the emotions going through me right now. Some days are better than others. I'm slowly hating my work, hating being called "miss" by my peers. I have no escape, since it's the same place my parent works at. Get paid minimum wage and live in the same house.
Got called "girls" in a group of two three times by a cashier. I didn't take it personally because I don't want to be "that guy" who makes a big deal out of it, but it pissed me off. Even presented and deepened my voice, but hey, she did mention going to her church, so that may be it, too. I dunno, I got so pissed I drove with even more aggressively, yelled at my mother for stalling me taking the driving test. She's right because I get pissed the longer I drive, but damn it, I hate her for being manipulative and a controlling bitch. (She was in the car because lolyou'repoorandhaven'tlearnedtodriveandfuckyouyoucan'tleavehome )
I'm just pissed and frustrated. I want to learn how to drive, I want to leave home and get away from everyone. I'm just so frustrated because shit like this sets me back where I have no control of the situation.
Is there anything I can do? Any advice/experience on your end, anons?
they definitely wont help you with that. if you want therapy to get your skittles then just start selfmedding on estradiol lightly and then tell a doctor. you can pretty much avoid the therapy then since theyll write you a script and give you bloodwork so you dont die. if you need therapy because you need therapy then theres usually state sponsored places that do a sliding scale thing for people who cant afford it normally. best thing to do is google your area mental health poor or something.
I am. That's why I realize how lucky I am to not pay rent and how lucky I am to have a job via one of my parents. I never asked for it, but that doesn't mean I'm not reverent.
That's also why I won't simply stay at home where I know I'm unhappy, even if it means less money.
You shouldn't feel bad for wanting to get away from your parents if they make you feel bad. It's pretty normal to move away when you want a big change and transitioning is definitely a big change. I ended up cutting almost all ties with my family because even after a year none of them tried to gender me or use my name at all. People act like you should just put up with anything because they're your parents or your family or whatever but you need to focus on you being happy. If you want to get out then you need to get out. Save up at least three months living cost and just move in to a room in a city you can afford. It'll suck living with random people at first but at least you can try and be yourself. Mind you living cost is usually considered at least twice what your monthly rent is, so if you rent a room for 400 a month you'd want at least 2400 saved before you moved. To learn to drive most dmv's will have a car you can use to take the test and get your license, if they don't you'd have to just pester your parents until they let you. Or possibly buy a used car online if you could make it to one, they usually won't check to see if you have a license and you could take the test with that. If you need a permit before your license just get the permit and lie about how often you drive with parents. Don't get caught
Sports bras only thing I've even botherd to try and even those are uncomfortable compared wearing nothing. If it weren't for the fact I want something to flatten and that anything touching them hurts, I wouldn't ever consider it.
I don't like this part of the hormones desu I absolutely don't want my body masculinizing so I need them to keep going. That doesn't mean that my 'gender identity' isn't male and that their side effects aren't making my gender issues worse.
I took a breath and realized how whiney my original post did sound. Even if you read it that way, thank you for being impartial in your post. (...I got worked up. Sorry...) I am spoiled, but I have paid my own price for what that affords.
That makes sense about the living. I've lived with others before, but I've always been kept away from the finances, so I'm only as clued-in as what I can research says. It's really helpful having someone else telling me what to expect.
I didn't know that about the DMV, either. I'll have to check with my local one. I have a permit, but I'm supposed to drive with someone who has their license. I was stopped from learning how to drive in high school because of my parent's possessiveness towards their stick-shift.
Have you thought about more natural (food-based) hormonal diets? It likely would make you less feminine than regular hormones, but it would also halt breast growth and make you more "in-between." Why not try to be more in the middle until you're more comfortable on one side of the spectrum (if not in the middle/not at all)? If you're just starting hormones, it would be less of a shock to the system if you slow down the dosage. Double-check with your doctor, but that is an option.
you should talk to your doctor or whatever about it really. mine actually talked about that with me when i first started, if you're on a lower dosage you can reduce the breast growth and such.
diets wont help you in any way unless you want to lose weight. they dont mess with your hormones enough, dont listen to anything in infographic form
Read about them, they're supposed to be nearly useless alone and with spiro I was still getting sick. Don't get me wrong I love soy, just wouldn't trust it to protect my body.
I guess I could ease off on the e so long as I keep my spiro. Do feel better with HRT though so I don't want to quit it outright. I've been on estrogen for about a year too, so probably can't stop either.
And in talk to a doctor, do you mean let them know what I've done? Do you think the ones in my Uni would take what I've done well?
yes. you should always tell your doctor what youve done medically. even if youre a heroine addict they still have to treat you and cant call the police or tell anybody unless youre an actual threat to yourself or others. they might disapprove but youre probably not the first person who's done this that they've seen. lowering your e dose would probably be the best bit. if you tell them what youre trying to do then theyll help you do it as safely as possible or point you in the right direction to get that help at least
I started taking hormones without anyone's permission and have kept that from them for more than a year. I don't know if it's going to go down well. I don't know if they'd give me a script or just demand I stop.
I certainly wouldn't want to tell them of my ambivalence.
if they write you a script or not you can keep taking them. they can tell you its better to stop but they cant do anything if you dont. you dont need to mention your ambivalence, its not a doctors place to counsel you its their job to make sure you dont die. they might not give you a script but they might. they should give you a blood test at least to make sure you arent messing up your dosage.
>if you want therapy to get your skittles then just start selfmedding on estradiol lightly and then tell a doctor. you can pretty much avoid the therapy then since theyll write you a script and give you bloodwork so you dont die
out of curiosity, which country does this apply, perhaps the UK?