Are there types or a number of ways that trans people can be classified into based on how they deal with their dysphoria?
Two that I can think of would be going full nihilism or numb to everything and the other is living as close to desired gender as possible (for an MtF, having lots of fag hags and being feminine as hell; for an FtM, keeping hair short, wearing boys' or androgynous clothing, playing sports, etc.).
Did anyone deal with their dysphoria in childhood and adolescence in a different way from these two?
I have no plans of ever transitioning and don't really experience the crippling bodily dysphoria that most here speak of, so I don't really plan on HRT just yet. Though I am AGP and am a HUGE closet case, in that I can't get off without picturing myself as a woman during sex, so the burning desire is still there to become what I fantasize. I mostly just go to work, come home, play video games and browse LGBT to channel my hatred of myself onto others. So yeah, I guess you could say there are levels.
yes, being aware of the issue but largely unaware of the distress during childhood (no puberty yet) made me a girly fag. the numbness and shutting self away from people as a teen was a thing, but as i aged i couldn't achieve it alone, i turned to alcohol for oblivion and abusing testosterone to make up for my failings. neither worked and things only got more extreme and drove me to greater heights as people thought i was a hilarious drag king act or a deliberately aware social commentary on grotesque masculinity as in private a was quite shy, quiet, and reserved. i also turned to mdma for social events as it stopped dysphoria for a while and i could let people touch me without me freaking out, and i could dance to my heart's content. crossdressing in private, crying a lot and showering in the dark helped too, along with repressing memories.
so i'd say there were levels of in the closet trannyness- being a flamer, being numb, or full on repression
So how do you compare being numb and full on repression? Numbness is like feeling on some level you are trans, even if you don't know the word for it, and numbing yourself to everything? Is repression pretending it doesn't exist at all and being in complete denial about it?
I put on a show of being the toughest kid around. It worked so well thst when I came out years later, people said that I was the last person they'd expect.
Which is ridiculous, because I looked girly as hell, no matter what I did. I'm talking "teacher yelled at me for using male bathrooms" levels. It goes to show how much bravado can fool people.
repression is trying to be the exact opposite. trying to act manly for repressed mtfs, or femming it up for closeted ftms.
numb is shutting down, shutting off, giving in. repression is fighting it. doing everything in your power to try to not be trans. for example in my case, spending enough money on drugs and alcohol before i hit 22 that i could have had SRS. repression is based on pure terror and denial. stuff like hons existing or growing up in a hostile, unsupportive environment
I tried the whole be as fem as possible thing and got bullied the shit out of. So i just went numb and tried to look as masculine as possible so girls would like me. Cause i was Bi i just made myself basically look like my ideal boyfriend in hopes that girls liked the same thing... I'd break on the odd occasion though and kinda go back for a bit and then someone would say something that would push me back into numb boy mode.
You took testosterone to deal with being trans!?!? MtF right? Bet you regret that now... fuck that sucks :(
yeah i took it but i'm intersex and have a partial insensitivity to it so the cash i was chucking at shady gym rats to try and be a dashing Hercules was wasted on me, so w/e. I'm also bi and I did the 'become my ideal boyfriend' thing too.
you'd have felt intense dysphoria worse than you currently get along with the worst rages. i destroyed public property, broke my own bones pointlessly lashing out at the ground and walls and sent a girl to hospital throwing a fridge at her because she wouldn't leave me alone. unless you're ftm and have dysphoria or want to be the swolest guy in jail after someone decides to press charges, don't take T.
I guaruntee you that you weren't feminine at all. You were just some weab, AGP guy who deluded himself into believing that his humiliation fantasies meant that he was feminine. I bet the people around you are still rolling their eyes. Every hon thinks they're truly feminine inside as well, you're no different. That being said, congrats, you're just living inside another layer of a mask, like everyone else on planet Earth.
everyone around me was well aware I was a complete flaming fagboy. i thought i was being masculine, all i was being was hysterical. I was more AAP than anything. thanks mate, good try though.
Got bullied a bit in middle school for dressing and acting like a faggot, all my friends were girls, then when highschool came up I got sick of it and I just wore the plainest shit I could get, abandoned all my friends, sat alone at lunch every day, never talked to anybody, got C average in all my classes, skipped school a lot, listened to punk music, and told myself my mind was lying to me every day
I flip-flopped between them a while. As a kid I was a tomboy, then after middle school I tried to find some identity where I feel "myself," like sarcastic hipster girl or artsy tumblr type. None of those actually felt real, obviously.