>Have a gay coworker who's in his 40s
>Not particulary attracted to him but we get along well and become sort of friends
>One day he tells me his birthday is next friday (aka yesterday) and that I'm invited to go to the small reunion he's throwing
>"Sure, I'll be there."
>Reunion is at a bar/restuarant
>I don't know anyone but my coworker but his friends are nice
>A couple of women and the rest are gay men
>All about my friend's age, I'm at least 20 years younger than the youngest of them
>All of them seem to be really nice, funny, smart
>As the night goes on I realize all of them are single
>From what I hear only one of them has been in a relationship that lasted for more than two years
This made me feel really sad. I know I only met them for a couple of hours, but they all seemed to be really nice people, and yet none of them seemed to have ever found a stable long term relationship. A couple of times someone threw a "The one will eventually come" or something similar and that broke my heart.
Is that my (well, our) destiny as gay men? To look for someone to love while we see our hair turning white, our bodies become softer... our youth slipping away from us?
I've always thought I'd eventually find a man I can love, and who'd love me back, but now that I think about it, I know lots of middle aged gay men (I have a gay uncle who's 50 and I've met many of his friends as well), but I don't know any middle aged gay man who's not single, and looking for a meaningful relationship.
I don't want that to happen to me.
Old gay people are more often single because it was more difficult for them to be fully out and in a relationship when they were young and beautiful. Now that they're 40-50 and times have changed they can be more open. Unfortunately, the world doesn't love them back over than toys for twinks with daddy issues.
>Why don't they pair up with each other?
I asked myself the same thing. Really, I don't know. Maybe they just see each other as friends, maybe they tried it in the past and it didn't work. I guess it could be a lot of things.
>They are probably all still chasing twinks
I hope not, because I'm a twink and none of them hit on me or antyhing like that.
Not that I'd like to get involved with someone that much older, but I'd be a bit sad if not even desperate middle aged men found me attractive, lol
They're from an older generation that encouraged promiscuity and slandered monogamy even more than the gays of present day and then mostly died of AIDS.
Also keep in mind the general lack of community/family support for a lot of gay relationships, which grows the further back in time you go.
You can still make it, but even if you do find the love of your life, if they die relatively early, or a split happens, it's pretty fucking difficult to recover.
Additionally, you're viewed as just an actual fetish and not a person - and so even if you fulfill the "daddy bear" thing (or whatever) you always feel kind of empty because you're chased by people who just want to satisfy their urges, and not by those who are on the same wavelength and want to spend the rest of their lives with you.
Overall, it's not impossible or whatever, it just gets more difficult, but what doesn't with age.
The mindset for gay people from 40 years ago cannot be compared to that of people in their 20's today.
I feel sorry for them, but I'm glad that whole culture is dying. Bathhouse and promiscuity are fucking disgusting and are a stereotype.
>Why don't they pair up with each other?
because not everyone is a desperate slut in 4chan to jump at anyone who is slightly friendly and nice to them?
love=/=relationship with someone you merely like
>tfw 19 and still virgin
This is entirely because all of the gay guys I know IRL are promiscuous sluts or stereotypes.
I feel that the stereotype most gays portray themselves as is what fuels this. It leaves guys who are looking for actual relationships off to the side and the sluts will end up wanting to settle down but by then they'll have ruined their chances.
You should see how many priests are single. Some people just don't have the skill sets to build and maintain a long lasting relationship. Some guys have to build those skills up because they either come from a broken home, have inner personal issues, or things just didn't work out.
I feel that as a gay you have to have a kind of scary pioneer attitude. You can't go looking for role models, because the history is so fucked up, and has made so much dysfunction prevalent. (This seems to be less of the case today in most parts of the world worth living, but it may be subject to reversals. It's too early to tell.)
What I'm getting at is that you've got to look at your own experience as something in a class of it's own, that you are going to to have to improvise. Have no expectations about how you'll end up, and just understand that it's your path to take.
I'm on the same boat anon. Well, I'm not a virgin because I lucked out and got a virgin bf when I was 17. But three years later I broke up with him and I haven't been with anyone else since because I don't know of any gay guys who are looking for more than a hookup
I never thought about it from this point of view. I guess that as shitty as that culture was, you can't really blame them. I don't think too many people would have accepted someone being in a gay ltr
Thinking about this is actually scary, but I think you might be right. Really, I can't think of any proper gay role models I could follow (maybe except a couple of celebrities).