READ THE OP
FtMg: Bored Edition
Don't forget to sage and wait to make new threads until we're at bump limit on page 9-10.
Ancient map: https://www.zeemaps.com/edit/U0Hw9yNtqrJd-qzTdbUFMw
Some info (excuse the tumblr, it's truscum): http://helpfultransinfo.tumblr.com/tags/
Skype group: add cheeki-briki or duckduckfrog
Google Hangout: TBA
>tfw you were scheduled to have top surgery this summer but you switched health insurance providers at the beginning of the new year because your old provider was going bankrupt and you find out that your new policy has a specific exclusion for anything related to "sex reassignment"
>tfw no top surgery in the foreseeable future
>tfw you've spent all day in bed getting as high as possible to try to numb yourself and stop yourself from wanting to an hero
>tfw you still want to an hero
Me from other thread:
Serious question why is this bait/bad ?
>ftms will debase ourselves for a little bit of attention
where did I say I wanted them to debase themselves ?
I'm a bottom anyways.
Oh, I want to. The problem is, I have overly controlling parents (mom has BPD, dad backs up whatever crazy shit mom says) who refuse to see me as an adult. I'm 27 and living on my own, and it still hasn't hit them that I'm not a minor anymore.
My dad insisted upon me getting this specific plan because an insurance broker convinced him it was the best thing since sliced bread. He's vehement about me not being on the state insurance plan, even though the coverage would be much better than what I'm getting now. It may sound stupid, but if I cancel the private health insurance policy I have and get on the state health insurance plan so I can get top surgery, it will most likely be the end of my relationship with my parents. I'm almost ready to make that sacrifice because of what unreasonable assholes they're being about this whole thing. They see top surgery as a frivolous elective procedure and don't even understand why it's a big deal to me to suddenly find out that I'm not going to be able to get it done.
Sorry for whining, familia, but I'm more depressed than I've been in quite a while over this shit.
I think if you cut off contact with these people and mean it, you might find you miss it less than you think. And that if you do want to talk to them later, they are a lot more willing to compromise.
Right. The response wasn't how i've generally perceived things so.
Is this just something you think, or do other people also think this? Trying to work out if it's a real thing or not.
>>5630402 is my post. The one I quote isn't.
The way I see it there are these guys who perk up if they know you're trans, because they think all ftms must be even thirstier than they are so therefore you'd be willing to go along with whatever they want, regardless of how they treat you.
It's just another subset of thirsty dude. You'll know him if you meet him.
Bi guy here. I perk up if someone says they're trans because while i've known some real trainwreck trans people i've also known some really cool trans people and i'd be interested in you to see if you're the latter.
Yep, my family doesn't seem to understand the concept of "saving money" and my father insists that he has to pay for private health insurance for me (I'm an independent contractor, so I can't get insurance through my employer, and I was out of work for a long time). I would be immensely grateful...if I wasn't getting completely screwed by the insurance company. They aren't wealthy by any means, so they SHOULD be happy to stop paying for my insurance, but no.
I'm pretty ready to just cut ties with my entire family except for my little brother, so it'll probably come to that. I don't have many people in my life at all, though, so the idea of losing some of the few relationships I have is hard to swallow, even if the relationships are rather shitty.
I want to change my whole name to something inconspicuous and just drop off of the radar, but I have a lot of guilt already about "ruining my family" and I don't know if I can go through with something I know will hurt them badly.
Make new relationships man
Staying in touch with shitty people isn't worth it and you're by no means obligated to have them in your life
I applaud your concern for them but this is beyond them just disagreeing with your choices and has gone into them controlling you. Cut them off and get better people in your life,.
If a family can be 'ruined' by someone being gay or trans, protip: that family was already ruined a long time ago.
You can also meet new people that don't suck, and if you don't suck too they will likely be happy to know you. Do you need help to find out how to meet people?
Thanks guys. I really do need to try to meet some other people. I'm socially anxious and avoidant as fuck, though. Every week I tell myself I'm going to go out and do something social and every week I find some excuse not to do it. It's stupid--I choose to be alone, and then I feel sad about being alone, but I don't do anything about it.
It just means there's more likelihood of you being the kind of thing I want to fuck.
I'm not even sure how you can think about a person without thinking about all the different stuff about them. It seems foreign, weird, and unhuman to do so.
I had a bunch of complications with my top surgery and wouldn't have wanted to have another surgery until at least 6-8 months post-op. I'm 10 months post-op now and definitely ready for another surgery; I'm starting to plan to have a hysto sometime in the next couple of months.
You shouldn't assume that your recovery will go quickly or smoothly. Give yourself enough time to totally and completely recover from everything that might happen.
I don't think it really matters too much. I would recommend working out your core pre-op, though. You really need core strength to be able to get around and do basic tasks when you're in t-rex mode post-op.
>”You can come out when I'm dead!”
My father was shocked and angry when I came out at first, but he's supportive and trying to help. Still, I sort of regret it because it's made things awkward between us. But I don't think I could take care of everything on my own if I didn't. I'm so anxious I want to curl up back in the closet and die.
Your feelings are totally normal. I wanted to curl up back in the closet and die every single time I came out to someone. Not just family, but friends, coworkers, anyone. It just made me feel so ashamed and I felt so bad for putting people through such a weird and fucked-up and awkward thing.
But the awkwardness gets better. Not only as the person you came out to gets more used to the reality of your transition, but as you start feeling more secure and confident in yourself too.
I came out to my supportive but awkward parents over two years ago. It took them awhile but they did get over that hump of weirdness, and things are mostly normal now. It's common to feel anxious and awkward and ashamed after coming out. Just give it time anon.
Anything...I joined some Meetup.com groups (I don't know if that's lame or not, they looked pretty fun though), but I haven't gone to any activities. I've thought about taking some non-credit community college classes, but I'm too broke for that right now. I want to get a dog because I think it would help with my social anxiety and I might connect with other dog owners/lovers, but I can't afford a dog right now either.
I'm not even sure what else people my age (27) do, aside from, apparently, watching Netflix and chilling. My only friend is my ex, and he's seven years older than I am, so I literally know no one my own age. I left college after one semester and didn't stay in touch with anyone I knew from high school or that one semester of college. Instead of having a job where I interact with other people, the only work I've done for years has been online, from home, and completely solo (e.g., I'm currently doing transcription editing and subtitling). At this point, I'm not even sure if I want friends. I'm so used to being a loner that it seems like more trouble than it's worth.
Now that I've started transitioning, I feel like even more of a freak than I was before because I'm in this awkward "Ugly Duckling" phase. Well, I'm hoping it's just a phase. I might just be perma-ugly. Anyway, I can't even make myself go down to the fucking fitness room in my apartment building because I'm so self-conscious and anxious about being around other people.
Plus, since starting T, I sweat like a motherfucker. I take a walk outside in the cold and by the end, sweat is literally dripping off of me. I've always been scared that I smelled bad, and now I'm constantly paranoid that I reek of sweat even though I'm always showering and applying deodorant.
Holy fucking neuroses, Batman. If I sound like a mess, it's because I am a mess.
Thank you, anon.
Meetup isn't lame Anon, I joined a bunch of groups and it's very easy to drop in and out, whatever you're comfortable with.
On another note, Freetom's having another sale so I got a Pack N Play I'd had my eye on for a while. I really want to convert it to an STP as well but not 100% sure how to do that. Any tips?
Thanks, I've been having some really bad cramping some nights that keeps me from sleeping and spotting almost daily since starting T. I'm about 15 months on now and still getting small amounts even though my bloodwork says I'm in typical male range so I'm probably being a bit hasty about wanting everything out ASAP. My doctor hasn't really wanted to do anything on it other than adjust my dosage but it's persisted through that. Just wanted some other guys opinions on wait time. Waiting until august or later for a hysto will suck, but if needs be suppose I can tough it out.
Sweating like a motherfucker won't change. Some guys just sweat like buckets any time they do anything. Luckily, if you sweat a lot, your pores are clean, so it doesn't smell bad. Just use deodorant on all hairy areas.
I'm 26 and what I do is pretty context dependent. Most people my/our age have set up families and are doing family stuff, and others are pretty heavy into the 'meeting people to potentially set up a family with' scene like nightclubs, drinks with friends, etc.
Other than getting laid and working, it's usually interest specific. I'm interested in philosophy, interesting people, games of various stripes, meeting friends in nice spots, fighting of various stripes, and reading/writing, so I tend to meet people at events of that kind. Also most people meet new people through existing friends - if you don't have existing friends due to social isolation (tip: depression causes you to become socially isolated, so do some anti-depression stuff - exercises, activities, eating habits, sunlight - the meds though, are hardcore and very hit and miss - avoid them if you can at all) then it's understandable that you can find difficulty making more. If you're socially awkward/self-conscious, it makes it harder too.
You come off as personable here - it's likely that if you start putting yourself out there with people and actually talking to them, they'll think the same thing, and you'll end up making some friends to hang out with. It's not highly formal or super important to most people, they just feel better when around other people they like, so they try to organize their lives to end up with that happening.
I'm gonna be a huge hypocrite here and say avoid dating until you're re-socialized again, because there are a lot of predators out there (especially, but not exclusively, in the gay community - and despite popular beliefs, a lot of them are female) who capitalize on people with low self-esteem/inexperienced people who they can abuse.
(cont) Doesn't mean every person who might want to date you is like that, but you sound like you might fit a profile a lot of predators target. I personally end up dating a lot of vulnerable people because I like to feel like I am protecting/teaching/helping people, so that's a big draw for me, and why it's a bit hypocritical of me to say to avoid dating until you've made friends again etc.
Also add people from this thread on skype. And talk to them, preferably with actual voice. It'll help train your mannerisms to be more male, and they'll likely have sympathy for your situation (being from 4chan, and ftm), which will help your self esteem and cause you not to panic. All of which will help retrain you for socialization.
In the end, just biting the bullet and talking to someone even if you feel they'll shoot you down in flames is what makes friends. I do that a lot, and sometimes people aren't interested, but most of the time they are - even if it's just a quick chat where you both verify you're not really that compatible as either friends or potential lovers, most people are gratified that you put in the effort at least.
>bought clothes yesterday
>t-shirt was a bit clingier than I expected
>binder shape is noticable underneath
>neck hole wide enough for some binder visibility
>chest is, or at least feels, very noticable anyway
I wish I could wear more fitted clothes, it just accentuates my shitty body shape but I get bored of looking like a shabby homeless person...
>in car with friends
>Reflections from Mulan comes on the stereo
>mindlessly singing along
>suddenly realise what I'm saying
Cause FTM just want to be seen as dudes. People interested in dating ftm rather than just a guy are likely to be interested in the guy not being a guy but rather being female or 'ftm' in some way.
If someone prefers ftm over guys, that usually means they like the female stuff that ftm don't like or want to have. It's like mtf aren't keen on the guys that are into their dicks. Or they have some andro something when again, ftm don't want to be andro (usually), they want to be male.
>tfw no manlet bf to protect from things that go bump in the night
I like long hair and nail polish though. They are nice features even if they are considered feminine. If I were guymode I could still rock them. It's my body that I have a problem with.
Not only that, but I hate being thought of as a lesbian. I'm not dating anymore, because I like women, but my last relationship was with a man. When I come out it will be as trans, not gay.
Cis guy with long hair here. Hair that is shoulder length fabio cut on a masc, muscly, loses-shirt-whenever-possible guy is a masculine feature - longer than that, it's feminizing as hell. If I have my hair out, and I hit on girls, they are super surprised that I am not gay. Nail polish is similarly a 'gay guy' thing at best. Not saying you can't make it work - hell, i'm there with you - but it's definitely hard to be seen as a guy interested in girls if you have long hair or nail polish on.
I'm staying in a hostel right now and I had top surgery a few months ago now and I got to tell ya
being able to just walk around topless is the best
and no one has even looked at me weird
top surgery is the dream, boys
That sounds great. I want to kill myself after finding out that my insurance will never cover my top surgery, and there's no way I'll be able to afford to pay for it out of pocket. I'm going to be a man with breasts. I'm going to have to wear this fucking binder forever. Goddamnit.
Get Credit Care. It's a health specific 'credit card' that's like a loan so you can pay back in installments. If you have a job you should have no problem qualifying and it covers trans stuff. A lot of doctors take it.
Also see if they will code it as gynecomastia, it's a loophole sometimes, especially if all your stuff is switched to male.
How long do you have to rest after top surgery? Like, the absolute minimum.
My insurance says they will cover it but I only got a year and a half left since I'm under my dad's insurance. Problem is I'm poor as fuck and work a full time, sometimes overtime 6 day a week job that is very physically demanding with lifting and running around.
Goddamn thats a long time.
It depends whatever needs to be lifted. Logs, rocks, furniture, giant loose dogs, tractor loaders, boxes of junk, etc. I'm not very strong but I do all grunt work. I might be able to switch to housekeeping for a little while, at worst they have to lift a mattress or a box of paper towels. I can't afford not to work for 6 weeks.
all i can say is that anyone considering Credit Care should do a lot of research before going ahead with it. it's not just magic money for surgery. the loan terms favor their company, their interest rates are insane, and unless you pay them back very quickly it will be much much much more expensive to go through Care Credit then it would be to pay out of pocket.
why don't you like cis guys? are you only attracted to pre-T trans guys? because i hate to break it to you but most post-transition trans men look and act just like cis men...
Does there seem to be a preponderance of ftms that prefer guys in bed over girls to anyone besides me?
it might be like that on 4chan but it's not really true in general. most of trans men i know or talk to or see online used to be lesbians and identify as straight or "bi" (in quotes because they still almost always only date women).
I was wondering why the guys in this thread seemed so wary, but after lurking here a bit, seems legit. Guys interested in girls totally come after ftm because they're after 'tomboys' or 'girls who top' or whatever. That's goddamn horrifying.
You could try getting a place in the country/staying with someone while you recover from the surgery, and sublet your place/room through that period. Staying with people/family while you recover from surgery is totally legit, and places to live in in the country/boonies are super cheap. If you can take a medical leave from your work without just being replaced, it could work out without costing you much.
The gynecomastia is a good tip, especially if you can get your gender legally changed.
In this thread, sure.
IRL, less so.
Also, we know next to nothing about the connection between transgender and sexual attraction, except that the 'they are failed women transitioning to get guys/girls' argument is hilarious.
>why don't you like cis guys?
Don't like the dick and balls so I suppose pre-T trans guys
>act just like cis men...
This one doesn't bother
>look like cis men
This one wouldn't be too bad if they were boyish and no facial hair rather than ruggedly masculine
I'm pretty sure I've seen surgery to put a fake dick on ftm. It wasn't exactly realistic looking.
If a ftm didn't get that surgery I wouldn't mind assuming they fit the other things I said.
I'm obligated to find someone 10/10 to consider a relationship with them?
Also I'd like being pegged, but I'd prefer a strap on to ugly hot dog dick. Would also like to give a rim job and do anal so no to the girl parts question. Although I would enjoy that too
FTMs sometimes opt for a procedure called phalloplasty. it's not a "fake dick," it's a phallus created from a skin graft taken from elsewhere in the body. i've seen shitty-looking phallos and i've seen amazing-looking phallos... it all depends on the individual, the surgeon, etc. but it's a very uncommon surgery because it's really expensive, really complicated, and has a lot of drawbacks. not many surgeons do it and not many FTMs get it done.
(there's also metoidioplasty, which is a different kind of genital surgery where they create a micropenis out of the clitoris and a scrotum out of the labia.)
anyway, you seem really underinformed about transition for FTMs, you should learn more about us before you try to sleep with one of us honestly.
do you wanna talk it out anon. i'm planning phallo myself and i know it's shit on all over the interwebs but i really think a lot of the negativity is unwarranted or misguided and most people just don't really understand what's available these days bc they've never actually researched it. what is it about my post made you upset in particular?
I guess I just can't imagine having that large of a skin graft taken from wherever, and the idea of any sort of "cutting" involving the clit makes me cringe. I've seen too many pictures of the huge area that's left behind after the skin graft is taken, and of end results that look like one of those creepy "water snake" toys (e.g., http://www.officeplayground.com/Water-Snakes-C225.aspx). I might consider metoidioplasty eventually (I haven't been on T for nearly long enough), but since the most you'll ever get is a "micropenis," I don't know if I'll end up feeling like the surgery is worth it. I don't have the money, anyway, so it's moot.
I have seen some really good phalloplasty results, too, though.
MTFs are creeped out by people going after their dick cause the people who do it are really creepy about it and usually cis. trans people tend to go after each other tho cause it's something you have in common, and having things in common is nice.
either way, your partner will always like stuff about you that you dislike or are just apathetic to, and it won't really ever affect you, so that seems like a moot point to me. self-hating isn't healthy anyway
The argument is that all trans transition due to that or 'fetishes', and dysphoria doesn't exist/is an excuse. It's a pretty common belief (you'll see it posted all over lgbt).
Which has been clinically disproven.
I wasn't the guy you were talking to,
i was just kidding tho, i'd never get phallo
I'm not the lmao guy. Either of the those guys. Just curious if you were serious about having that much dick dysphoria.
Also that fucking video man. Christ. Got me right in the unconscious-fears-I-didn't-know-I-had.
I'm falling in love with someone and I really can't emotionally afford to be right now.
>it's genuinely the source of all my misery.
That's the bit i'm choking on. ALL of someone's misery? Like.. all of it? If that's literally all the misery you're feeling you're like otherwise quite happy or that misery is such a gargantuan beast I don't even want to acknowledge it could exist, much less does.
that's what transsexuality is, welcome to the board
Not much to tell. Just disgustingly insecure with myself due to being pre-T on top of other issues I have. I don't feel like I'm capable of properly loving another person when I haven't a grain of self respect or love.
That said, I'll probably never find another person like this in my life who loves, cares and respects me this way and I'd be a mother fucking moron to let it pass me by because of some insecurities that can be fixed with time and patience.
Why the fuck is everything so mind numbing.
Well honestly if you've identified the problems, solving them is just a matter of time and effort. And it sounds like you've identified the problems. It's when you don't know what the problems are that everything tends to explode.
Just don't forget that this person loves you and wants to be around you, and even if you can't care about yourself, you can are about them caring about you? Doing stuff purely for others isn't ideal, but as long as you're aware of that, it can be a temporary solution.
Shut up and get your angry lesbian "butch flight" TERFy bullshit out of this thread. Of course we don't want to be seen as lesbians, we're not women in the first goddamn place. FYI we also hate being seen as straight girls, but I know that doesn't support your horseshit opinions about lesbophobia-induced transgenderism, so feel free to ignore that little fact.
you're not alone with your feelings about scars, that's why there are other options besides RFF that leave less or at least less visible scarring. do some research about ALT phallo, MLD phallo, or the various kinds of abdominal flap phallos. there are tradeoffs to the different procedures but there are options.
also, usually when you see photos of someone's arm scar they're very early on in the healing process. i've seen photos of people 8-10 years out from graft harvest and it looks much more normal than most other photos you see. also when i was a teenager i knew someone who had a graft taken from his arm as a kid to treat a burn or smth, and it just looked like an area of slightly pale scar tissue.
idk, personally i don't care about the scar, i think it's pretty badass honestly.
i'm the one who originally posted about phallo and for me it's not that it would be my "one chance at happiness", more like i can't imagine living the rest of my life with incorrect genitals. i just feel so weird and incomplete because of my lack of dick. i'm totally stealth and otherwise post-transition, i look like a man except for that one part and it's really a shitty feel. i love sex but i can't even take my underwear off in bed because dysphoria. i just want to be able to have a normal life as a guy and for me that's not going to happen without phallo. i don't care that it won't be a perfect penis, i don't need it to be perfect, i just need it to exist.
you're looking at this the wrong way, anon.
Just ride it out and see what happens. be chill. If you fuck up, so what, it's a learning experience, right? But it's better to just see where it goes (if they are interested) than regret never trying it.
wow, are you me?
Also, I think phallo gets a really bad rep because people see stage one pictures fresh out of surgery and it's obviously totally raw looking, and nor is it finished. If you look at some from a little down the line they look half decent, but I don't care what it looks like desu, I just want a dick. frankendick is better than no dick, fuck you, buck angel, imo
yeah i think people forget this when looking at phallo pictures. 99% of the ones you see floating around publicly on the internet were taken within 6 months of surgery. lots of them were taken within the first few weeks by the surgeons themselves. it takes a really long time for stuff to heal, for swelling to totally disappear, etc... of COURSE a freshly post-op phallo is going to look wonky and weird.
i've seen photos of phallos that look totally cis, no exaggeration at all. i've talked to people who have had sex partners who had no idea that they hadn't been born with their dick. but these kinds of photos/people can't just be found by googling. dicks are really private and most of people who get phallo are deep stealth, of course that shit isn't going to just be floating around on the internet where anyone can find it.
Oh man, thinking about having that makes my chest ache. The freedom to not bother putting a shirt on if I'm not leaving the house. I wanna wear tanks. I'll take the under-scars, I'll wear them with honour. God fucking damn.
i'm not going to repost photos that were shared to secret, locked yahoo groups for phalloplasty patients. if you're interested because you're FTM and are considering phallo, go join the groups yourself. if not, fuck off.
there's a super attractive one nicknamed box destroyer, but i don't have any pics of him.
the obvious answers would be to google Balian Buschbaum or Aydian Dowling
highest-scoring FTM post on /r/transtimelines: http://imgur.com/a/zGCBw
most dudes on the first couple pages of search results on reddit look great. also a dude posted this today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9ZXvmwQxGE
Haven't read the rest of the thread, but I'm in a similar situation. I'm 27, living with parents, and I'm now seeing my therapist again for who knows how long, so I can get too surgery this year.
My parents aren't stopping me, but they remind me that they can't understand why this is important. And tell me to just be a tomboy because that's really all I'll ever be. The guilt trips I get are insane. I wonder, when I'm approved for surgery, who's going to be willing to pick me up from the hospital.
I'm considering metoidioplasty or whatever it's called, later down the road. But I need two therapist to consent to it.
I'm 5'3" and it's really not that bad bro. My family is Sicilian and my dad and my brother are only an inch or two taller than me. It happens, your life is not over, you'll still pass, etc
I got hit on by a hon in a gay bar.
She thought I was cis, because she was obviously into the cute twink and I was pretty twinky back then - I don't even think I'd started T, or been on long at least.
Anyway, she kept trying to run her hand down to my 'balls' and I was like lol stop
She fingered my ass a bit and I did kiss her and it was probably the most hilarious night of my life.
Truth be told, I don't think I've ever, knowingly, met another mtf in person since.
My best friend is mtf. I have another less-close mtf friend, and have met/interacted with tons of trans women at LGBT events and centers and whatnot. My experiences with them have been very positive, I don't think I've ever been irked by a trans woman IRL.
It means that even though the information is posted through the hated and cancer-riddled site tumblr, it is excusable due to the blogger's nature being that of 'truscum' i.e. One who believes trans requires dysphoria and is a medical issue, not a fashion choice i.e. 'tuucute'
>You'd think taking testosterone would give people anger issues and make them irrational and crazy.
Not really unless you don't know anything about hrt or hormones in general but okay :^)
Hormones are p crazy though, I was reading about how one theory about how mtfs are created is that they have too much testosterone and when it floods the brain it's turned into an estrogen by an enzyme. These high levels of testosterone (and in response estrogen) during development somehow this causes dysphoria / le memeing "female" brain.
Back in middle school I wore masculine shirts comfortably. Now my breasts have grown enough that they're too obvious to me and I feel like a tryhard tomboy. Makes me wish I accepted being trans sooner.
You guys under C-size are lucky. At least you can bind easier. The methods I tried so far barely make a difference worth the annoyance.
That's been in the OP for fucking ever. Only tumblrshits will have a problem with it, anyone else will ignore it and move on (like they should also do with tumblr crap) like a normal person.
>having casual conversation with cis friend (who knows me as female)
>joking about teen boys being stoked about their first shitty moustache
>mid-way through, get intense pit in stomach from realizing that i never felt that as a teen and might never as an adult if things dont go to plan
thinking about the "guy things all of us guys went through" things i missed out on in childhood kills me
Most teenage stuff sucks. For girls or guys. There's always that 'rosy glow of the past' stuff, but it's not that great for anyone.
What is stopping you getting on T and getting stoked about your shitty teenstache?
(also sage dammit)
casually lurks, this thread both makes me feel better and kind of the same general bad feeling about being the whole ftm thing.
> cool pro is i'm like six feet tall
> real shitty con is i'm basically unstable / allergic to most T and after 3 years almost the only thing i got going is the voice drop, shit
> double con is dudes usually chase me because i'm 'exotic' or something, 4/10
i was hoping for some advice here:
>been going to this weird charter homestudy school for about two years
>wasnt out or presenting male last year so im known at the school as female
>i now live full time as male except for school
>dont know how to "come out" at school bc most kids there are only there bc of religion and being sheltered
>dont know what to do about bathrooms
>i hate that its the one place i am known as female i want to be able to live 100% as male
>its a really small school theres only about 50 kids there at a time for on-site classes so i cant just find new people since everyone basically knows everyone
>i only go twice a week so its somewhat bearable but it fucks with me
does anyone know the easiest way to "come out" or just start living as male there. i dont want to ditch since its the only school system that has worked for my mental stuff and im already behind on graduating.
How long do you have to be there? If you're that worried about coming out or that apprehensive, maybe you can just live it out there as your final chapter presenting as female. It's not ideal or easy but you're already doing it.
Otherwise just bite the bullet and come out. There isn't really an easy way, not everyone will react positively and not everyone will react negatively. If you wear feminine or different clothes, makeup, and don't bind, just gradually undo these things and present yourself as you normally would. If people question it, use that as your opportunity to be honest and explain why. Tell the people you're closest with first, and those who need to know, and let the rest come naturally.
I wish you the best of luck man, I wish I had the stones to come out.
Well, if you can't bite the bullet and come out, just start dressing like a guy and going to school and act like it's nothing weird. Use the female bathrooms, but otherwise just wear the same clothes and actions as you do outside school.
The topic will either come up naturally without you having to do some big tumblr declaration, or you'll feel more comfortable until you finish and can ditch the whole thing. Win/win.
yeah that was basically game plan. i already act/dress the same as i do outside school but i get really hotheaded when referred to as "she" or anything feminine since my masculinity is so fragile. one of my teachers who im pretty close with knows about it since i tell her everything sinced she really helped me back in my suicidal phase would probably start the pronoun ball rolling. i guess im just being really irrational since i actually have to make an effort at school to be treated as male whereas everywhere else has been a breeze i just sent a text saying "this is my name now and please refer to me as male thank you" to everyone and stopped talking to those who were disrespectful. anyways, im rambling. thanks for your advice i think im gonna man up, or bite the bullet, and declare my masculinity.
Yeah okay, just try to be low key about it, and don't let people get on your nerves if they're ignorant about it. You're probably gonna see attacks where there aren't any, and even if there are some, you should probs just ignore them. Nothing gets better when you engage bullies or assholes, unless you're good in a fight and they start to mess with you physically and you just put them on their ass and keep walking, which induces enough healthy fear that they leave you alone, but not enough that they feel compelled to take revenge.
They aren't, you're just this one mad hon who drive-bys the thread every thread or so for literally no reason.
What's your dosage? I'm pretty tall myself and my doctor did say that my levels were pretty low, said it might be because I'm taller than most ftms so they upped my dosage. Could have something to do with your situation?
My boyfriend has decided he’s okay with me transitioning and I’m through the fucking roof with excitement.
He wants me to shave which might get annoying if I turn out particularly hairy, but he's chill with top surgery, fat redistribution, increased musculature etc. Fuck yes.
The only other trans person I've knowingly interacted with IRL is my own sibling. MtF. We're each about half of a functioning person. Our relationship is pretty great, but n=1, so...
On here, I've gotten randomly yelled at by a few MtFs (or people pretending to be MtFs) with huge chips on their shoulders and the tendency to make ridiculous assumptions, but I'd say most of my interactions have been positive.
One of my close friends is MtF and I've interacted with a few at LGBT groups that have been positive encounters.
However, I did have a MtF gf and she was a nightmare and so were most of her other trans friends (some were FtMs) so I assume that entire crowd was just full of bad apples. She was incredibly manipulative and attempted to pressure me into sex (she wanted P in V and I was definitely not okay with that which she knew) and would throw fits in public if I didn't do something she wanted (like making out in public when she knows I am extremely opposed to PDA).
I've also met some really rude and catty MtFs through trans groups.
Overall my experience has been more negative than positive but the nicer trans women I've met outshine the negative ones with their positivity. But no one can erase the horror that was my ex.
they can't figure out how to regulate my levels properly. i'm either 200, or 1100. no in between. was ok on a topical one for about 7 months before it unexpectedly failed on me, nobody knew why. allergic to patches and tablets, full blown internal/external hives. theyre trying to switch me to injections to regulate the levels better but vasovagal response is kind of a problem, but that's literally my last option outside of the experimental implant ones. yikes.
as for the exotic comment, i got it for a number of reasons, being taller than nearly every dude that hits on me, being a tall blond twink ftm that is specifcally gay usually gets their goat
frankly it's mostly weird daddies and chasers that i get and it's not flattering, again 4/10 that guys like me, but usually end up for all the wrong reasons
>Just don't stick your fingers in his pussy without permission.
This reminds me of the time somebody asked how to compliment an ftm without offending them, and some anons said shit like
>you have such handsome breasts!
>that's the most masculine vagina I've ever seen!
It was funny as fuck. You guys never fail to make me laugh.
If you don't know a ftm irl already then you're probably never going to find one, nobody posts that shit online unless they live in some faraway Liberalhaven where they don't have to worry about being Brandon Teena'd.
I bathed in estrogen for an extra three weeks before I was finally pried out of my mother via C-section. Apparently, I was born with enlarged breasts from over-exposure to her hormones. I'm really curious how that impacted my development.
I'm gonna tell my doctor I might be trans this week. Putting it here in writing so you guys can tell me I'm a little bitch if I wuss out.
That's what I remember too, I don't think the textbook I was reading mentioned it. What I understand is that extra testosterone in a female is above the general female levels and sometimes up into the male levels (what would supposedly make someone ftm), but usually not so high as to trigger that enzyme (aromatase).
Basically think of it in the same way that ftm's take testosterone without experiencing any feminising side effects but if a male takes too much extra like with doping it can actually cause some degree of feminization including breast tissue growth. Some body builders who know what they're doing and roid also take a drug that works counter to the enzyme that will convert the extra test back into estrogen because growing bitch titties isn't aesthetic.
I was that guy having prolonged period problems from a few threads back
>my mom won't take me to a gyno
>thinks just fucking with birth control pills is gonna help the problem which I doubt it will
>I can't bare to even take a piss or bathe without getting disgusted by my body
>too pussy to come out
Pffffhah. Real men go to see the appropriate specialist in a field, and respect the training to learn whatever they are specialized in. Real men also confront the realities of a situation, and don't hide behind prevarications and bullshit. You just come across as a whiny bitch sperging about some imaginary conditions to being a man that fit you so you can say you're good and other people are bad. Basic lack of self-confidence, bro, needing to tear down others to feel good.
Be less of a bitch, do some work on that.
Not the guy you responded to, but fucking kek, are you serious?
Am I serious that going 'omg mans don't see gynos lol' is the mark of a sperglord with issues? Yeah.
Saying being a man means you don't go and see doctors about medical conditions indicates you are a fucktard and should improve yourself or just stop talking to people full stop. Putting random conditions on being male due to insecurity and trying to use that to insult others is asshole-tier behaviour. Pretty much the opposite of the male ideal in every way.
I'm just saying that you've come up with quite the argument for a five worded post. Maybe anon was explaining his fear of going to a gyno because of being male, hence 'nope'. He could've meant a couple different things. Calm down.
Do other guys have AGP?
It's part of how I realized I was male, everything feminine I liked to do I only liked because I got a sexual thrill from being seen as a girl. The only time I was okay with my body was when I was turned on by it.
no. but i do get turned on if i shave my legs
Not that it matters one way or another, but let's say I:
>have crippling physical dysphoria and bind, only suicidal over it once every few months though, not often
>don't go on HRT/SRS because muh family, muh career, etc
>don't "identify as male" or come out as anything
Trans or something else?
Yeah alright. Have one, the therapist thinks I should transition. Everything is fine
Eh. Realistically it would probably go like:
>little bro forbidden from talking to me until he turns 18, then he may or may not want to
>mom cries a lot, disowns me, may come around in another 10 years
>little sister angry but keeps in contact, eventually warms up, may talk my mom into talking to me again
>(lesbian) girlfriend of 2 years cries a lot and breaks it off once T changes kick in. (she knows about muh struggle so it wouldn't be a huge surprise, she'd be sad though)
Given that I don't really care if people see me as male or not it makes more sense to deal with the dysphoria. I always feel crippingly out of place and awkward and I can't stand looking at my body but like, I'm only very rarely suicidal over it so w/e. I'm in my early twenties so I figure it's not getting any worse if I've lived through it this long so I can just deal.
Your misery will reach out and infect the ones closest to you whether you want it to or not. And if you can't deal with dysphoria in some way so it goes away, people report it getting worse over time.
Living for others is fine but only if you can actually manage it. It is harder than you might think. Your mind's ability to affect shit unconsciously is high.
>Your misery will reach out and infect the ones closest to you whether you want it to or not
this is true, you'll grow increasingly bitter and be left with no friends and a family that resents you
>I was reading about how one theory about how mtfs are created is that they have too much testosterone and when it floods the brain it's turned into an estrogen by an enzyme
Only that could be accounted for as high testosterone levels directly influence your digit ratio so simply looking at the digit ratio of mtf would tell you if they had a big T bath in the womb or not.
I have a 1:1 digit ratio so that's actually more in-line with what women get in the womb.
>that could be accounted for as high testosterone levels directly influence your digit ratio so simply looking at the digit ratio of mtf would tell you if they had a big T bath in the womb or not.
Kek no researcher is going to base a study off of bro-science digit-ratios, as if they mean anything. Seriously, what year do you think this is?
No. It's only that if you start to imply things like personality and sexuality from it, but it can be used pretty well to determine if someone had high or low pre-natal androgen exposure.
The 'bro science' part is when people try to simplistically correlate possible hormonal exposure in the womb with male or female traits.
In that there is no fucking link there except for a few extreme cases, and pretending that's the only thing that determines those traits, or that it affects things that no study has shown it affects, when there's reams of scientific evidence that states otherwise, is what makes it an urban myth, or pseudoscience. Using scientific data to 'prove' things it doesn't actually prove is fake/incorrect science.
For the record, i'm a cis guy whose friends are pretty much all scientists (i'm a writer), my index and middle fingers are roughly the same length (although on the left hand, there's more of a difference, which is fucking weird), and I have high levels of T in my system which leads to me building muscle extremely fast and being pretty irritable in general.
i pass perfe/k/t 100% pre t, almost 6'0 and have a noticeably longer ring finger
my experience is of course, proof of the digit ratio theory
>be a bi cis female
>feel very dysphoric about my vagina
>hate that it's there, really fucking wish I had a penis, feel like a penis or nothing at all would be way more fucking fitting for me than a vagina, sometimes not having a penis makes me incredibly depressed
>like being called "he" or a guy
>always identified more with males than females
>still love my breasts
>still like my body other than that
>still want to be a cute, sexy female
>still socially comfortable with being female
I have no fucking idea what's wrong with me.
how do you faggots find (online) friends that are both tolerant and tolerable? im a pre-anything guy who likes using his natural voice (partly because not out to people i live with and dont want them to hear and question, and partly because i just really like speaking naturally if i can)
if i post as a cis guy looking for friends, i either get super normies that dont understand my frog memes and also get weird when they find out im trans (either "oh my god my sweet baby i support you *posts on facebook about having a trans friend so theyre a cool ally*" or they dont understand and cant deal)
if i post as a trans guy then i either get other trans people that are normies without my sense of humour and are boring to be around, or chasers
i-i just want a fellow cancer that likes shitposting and memes as much as me that will treat me like a cis guy ;_;
wait it out. i felt a bit like that at first, then dysphoria came back hard and it's been getting worse ever since. but for you it's just as likely it could be some other psychological thing and you'll be back to normal in a few months.
That sounds like some kind of condition that's triggered by changed hormone levels.. i'm not sure how you could be allergic to testosterone and still be alive.
Have you spoken to specialists (ideally multiple) about this?
Also, tall twinks get play/qt bfs where i'm at. I'm not sure why that wouldn't be true where you are. Maybe you're giving off some sort of weird vibe or something.
yeah, spoke to three different doctors, each time it's "i've never seen this before, how about try this"- i should clarify because i'm an idiot, i'm allergic to the methods of distribution of testosterone. either allergic or not reacting at all to certain methods. [patches/tablets being allergic to whatever the hell is in that, gels and topicals are all of the place and do jack shit] injections are my last option because i have a vasovagal response, i get sick, fever of like 100 or more and need to be in ice for like thirty minutes. average fainting spell x 10. not something i wanted to do to transition every week, but it's my only shot now, when they get back to me.
it's not a great feeling because i'm pretty sure i'll look 17 for a long time and my transition is compromised. don't got no other trans guy to talk to about this because i literally don't know no other trans dude who deals with this. the plus side is i pass just fine, voice is mostly ok and being tall really helps, but other than that i might be super fucked.
nooo idea why i get terrible dudes that chase me tho, most of the time i get chasers/daddies who want a new toy, or dudes that threaten me because theyre so mad i told them i'm trans and they liked me. i just want a fellow tall fag and play games n stuff.
this would be ideal, it's what i'm planning on discussing because i honestly don't mind the ordeal, as long as it's not once a got dang week. i'm wondering if that's an option for me anyway- fingers crossed for me that it's a viable option that actually works
Well, I just got my first binder in the mail. I'm going to guess I measured wrong and got a size too small because I'm afraid if I even try to put this thing on I won't be able to get it off.
I was pretty excited for this thing. Upsetting after spending 40 bucks and waiting about 3 weeks for it.
They can come a little tight, and putting one on the first few times can be an ordeal anyway.
Give it a try, wear it out a bit. Obviously it feels somewhat tighter than usual but it should soon be apparent if it's genuinely too small.
To some extent there's this underlying competition to be the least affected by puberty. The more neotenous the less masculine. Supposedly.
It's pretty often that a girl with a feature that looks completely in place on an adult woman get accused of looking like a hon because of it, and/or she's implored to get surgery on her completely fucking average nose. I sometimes feel like I'm taking crazy pills reading what anons suggest for mtfs. I think it's borne from collective paranoia.
Even if they do, I'm going to keep it anyway. I've been losing weight and it'll fit me after I drop a bit more. I may just order another binder, but I'm not sure if it's worth waiting another 3 weeks when this might fit me by then.
I tried to put it on, but it was a huge struggle and hurt quite a bit. I'm afraid if I do, it won't come off and I'll have to cut the damn thing off before it suffocates me.
I waited 10+ years for a binder, I suppose another month or two won't kill me.
>I know they seem a little uncomfortable right now but eventually your bones will change shape.
How do you guys feel about the gay ftms with colored hair that don't pass nearly at all and seem like they became ftm because they are obsessed with yaoi?
I know I shouldn't judge but they kind of bother me.
I try and treat them the same as any other trans guy as much as possible, but internally there's a lot of them that i doubt will keep up with that identity forever. In the long run I don think its beneficial for anyone to invalidate others' gender, just in case they do turn out trans and have to go through years of unnecessary repression.
How did you try putting it on? No matter how long I've had mine, and I've been using them for years, I've always had to step into the thing. There's not a chance in hell I could put it over my shoulders like a normal shirt.
I've heard that as long as you can comfortably take a full and deep breath it should be the right size.
I'm not such a fan of the idea that simply questioning gender/sexuality makes automatically LGBT, but if it means that kids have a more accepting placing to do that then I'm not going to shit on them for it.
Sure, it can be eye roll inducing sometimes and most of them will probably grow out of it, but fuck if I don't wish I'd been able to do that.
Haha I read yaoi all the time, suck my giant clit you self hating faggot. It must be so sad to limit your hobbies because doing something you enjoy would shatter your fragile masculinity.
I definitely have to pull it over the top. I tried going from the bottom, but my hips and ass are too wide (and I'm not even fat). Really, I do believe it'll fit once I shed a few more pounds, so I'm not concerned. Was just a little disappointed because I'd been looking forward to this. Really could have used the pick me up.
hi guys im from mtfg and i know im not ftm or anything but i was just looking for friends i guess
this general is kinda dead huh?
it was never alive
I would be frands with you but I don't have skype or anything
Okay, but 'doctors' is a bit vague. Were these specialists in this kind of problem?
And as for your dudes chasing you issue, if you're not just seeing every gay guy interested in twinks as a chaser/leather daddy or whatever, possibly the problem is you're oblivious? People only come up to people and out of the blue go 'hey wanna fuck' if they're shit and/or desperate. Generally you notice someone being interested in you, and if you are interested back, you indicate that, and that goes on for a while before you're both sure the other person is actually interested in you, then one of you says 'hey, let's fuck'.
If people are showing interest and then you're just seemingly ignoring that, they're going to assume you're not interested and go elsewhere.
yes, specialists. been referred and jumped between three different specialists who deal with transgender HRT- but again, nobody really can tell me why my levels aren't quite working out. third doctor is too far to see frequently, still waiting on word about treatment.
also, yeah. probably oblivious at some point. although ive had the 'r u interested or not' dance before, it's few and far between and usually ends bad early on /because/ i tell them i'm trans. usually verbally bad, sometimes it's benign and they peace out quietly. it's a dance that's getting tiring frankly. if i'm being oblivious to the half-decent ones, then i'm a complete dumbass, where dey at doe.
This guy >>5659891 here. Finally decided to bite the bullet and just pull the goddamn binder on. Once I got it down over my chest, it fit like a fucking dream and was amazingly much more comfortable than I imagined it would be. Though after that, the panic set in once I couldn't get it off, but after some swift googling, I found taking it off from the back and over my head to work fucking perfectly.
Pretty happy right now and the thought of leaving my house doesn't make me want to stab myself anymore. Thanks for the words of encouragement, you lovable homos.
just wanted to say you guys are awesome even though im sure there are shitters here like in mtfg (but probably not as many)
my ftm bf and i kicked things off the moment we met and hes one of the hottest men ive ever seen and cares about me
i know other people that can attest to their best relationships being ftms
so good on you guys, and thank you for giving me /purestformoflove/
i-i just want a fellow cancer that likes shitposting and memes as much as me that will treat me like a cis guy ;_;
yo what up bro
im mtf treat me like girl and ill suck accept and likely be more cancerous than you without chasing you
I'm not american, and when americans say this I always double take. Ethnicity is generally what people say here, or don't use that phrasing. 'Race', to me, is like Protoss or whatever.
I unno man. Like I said, maybe just what you call a chaser everyone else calls a non-chaser, or whatever, and you have high standards. Also maybe you live in a non major city and your gay dating scene is awful. Maybe you're hitting up the hookup bars and shit where the desperate people go instead of events, meeting people through friends, interest groups, etc. There's definitely guys that most people find okay-to-amazing out there and looking for dates. Lots of them, so. Can't diagnose your specific problem without more info.
You're lovable, you homo.
I finally came out to my mom! I feel so much lighter now
>mom I never identified as a girl
"so you want to be a man?"
>w-well yeah, more neutral really, but not a girl
"you can do what you want with your body and it's none of anyone's buisness, and you didn't have to tell me, but I am glad you could tell me this"
"I feel neutral most of the time too, sometimes I even look in the mirror and see myself as a man"
I kinda knew what her reaction would be, but I didn't see the other thing coming
>>w-well yeah, more neutral really, but not a girl
Question from a cis guy
Are most FtM interested in women or are most of them gay?
mostly negative. all the mtfs i've interacted with except for one were sleazy towards me, manipulative, or just straight mean. the one that wasn't was really shy and seemed nice but we didn't talk much after we met. i generally don't care to socialize with trannies cause they're all delusional and their baggage is a lot for me to deal with (especially since some of it hits home) but i cant stay away from ftmg cause there are just so few spaces where i can find fellow females i empathize with and just.... feel belonged.
in my experience most ftm are straight or bisexual with a preference for women.
personally speaking i am le gay and rimming dudes is one of my favorite nighttime activities.
>the more androgynous ones are into men or bi.
lol come on bro, you know this is not at all true. there are LOTS of butch gay trans men, and lots of femme straight trans men too.
It's just the anti-tumblr 'transtrender' meme recycled. They're saying that all 'real' ftm like girls, and only 'coloured hair' 'effeminate' 'fake' ftm like dudes. Because every male is straight, amirite (also christian, white, and american).
That they also say 'butch' is weird, and indicates they probably not even ftm. Saying that a ftm is 'butch' is basically just saying they're a lesbian.
Overall comes across as a troll, or a self-hating tranny. I wouldn't take it too seriously.
Mom is coming around. In the beginning she regularly sent me new age articles that tried to explain away everything trans, but we've talked a bit and she kind of gets it now.
Haven't told dad, never telling dad. I'm changing my name, number and address and excising him from my life in the process. It's great timing that my transition begins just as my mother realizes my father is a narcissistic, manipulative asshole/sinkhole and that she should not let him back in her life.
Fucking stoked about this development, actually.
They both took it pretty well- kinda flummoxed, but supportive.
Mom got more upset when I admitted I had considered killing myself over it before.
Dad was more concerned about the fact I was about to do a bunch of weird medical shit to myself.
Apparently they had both been waiting for me to tell them I was gay and were confused that I hadn't come out yet, because they have gay friends.
>"But you still like guys, right?"
>'uh well, yeah, I mean I like girls too but-'
>"so it's like you ARE gay, okay, cool."
...my parents had a bet on who I could come out to first. I'm like 90% certain.
Honestly I was more worried about my sister, she's kinda the most conservative out of all of us but she's been chill about it too.
I get to be an uncle.
...oh, and then Mom started in with all about how I was gonna go to the gym more now, right, so it's good to know I was gonna have weird body image issues regardless.
Since I started T I have never felt more level headed.
>you will never know the pleasure of releasing your seed in your boyfriend's ass