I have mixed feelings about my ex. Yeah big deal you'd say. But , our story is weird , quick green text to explain:
>2 years long relationship.
>He was a pathological liar.
>I was constantly on the verge of suicide. (Had my problems back there).
>Break up inevitable.
>Sex was beyond words.
>Was and still is a 10/10 on my scale
Has been 3 year now. Had multiple partners after him , but he remains no matter what the best of the best.
We have tried to get back along each other countless times. Everytime he pissed me or I pissed him off.
I still think about him everyday , he was my first love , but in the end my very and same love never really existed. I want the one I thought he was back. But I'm chasing ghosts.
What should I do , or is there anything to do (besides to let go , which has been a failure for the last 3 years)?
25 years ago I had a girlfriend. we were like water and oil but sex was great. but sex wasn't everything so we broke up.
despite our differences I sort of longed for her, memories of good times creeping back into my head and I let them linger.
about a year ago we happened to be going to the same event and agreed to meet. I was thrilled I was going to see her. but when we met it quickly became apparent that we were still toxic to each other and that I wasted 25 years of thinking about her.
you have to move on.
I dont want that happening to me. And I do know what you mean by crippling to the back of your head. I really do.
I tried everything , deleting his number. Pretending it never happened. Facing what happened, accepting that clocks don't go backwards. Talking trash to him , trying to talk sweet to him. Every attempts so far failed. All of them.
However, as the time goes by. The pattern becomes more and more clear. What I had never existed just a fiction of my mind. We never broke up.
Saying I was in love with him would be a huge understatement.
I felt in love after him , and it wasn't the same thing, every relationships are different and love is never the same , I know that. I perfectly know that.
But after him , after us , after what could have been a dream I've never met a love as strong as we once had.
We had that thing , that every piece of arts ever created tried to show , to describe.
I was in a 4 year long mostly long distant relationship that ended 6 months ago. everyday I ache for him and I don't really know how to get over it. He was also my best friend and I just can't seem to piece myself back together. Now I just spend my days trying to distract myself from memories and how bad I want to kill myself.
How do I get over this? every thought in my head has the same origin, how can I get him back, how can I have that dream life with him I wanted?
I haven't seen my first crush in decades. If she was to walk into my life right now I'd never let her leave. Firsts are like that, probably because you had no one to compare them to.
OP here. I guess there's no answers. That's a journey you'll have to go through on your own. Don't kill yourself over someone I know the pain , but you'll find someone yourself that worth the shot.
Some of his relatives live near my place , and he always comes there in February. I sent him a message , I deleted his number , but I remember it no matter what.
I once saw that picture that was talking about first loves , and how their memories were handling parts of the innocence that only a first could give you.