So I am a 23 year old male, who is maybe trans or something. All I know is that from a young age I identified with female personas, did "feminine" activities. I also get really bad headaches very often. Within the last year, I started dressing with make-up & feminine clothing because it makes my body/brain feel better. I told me family, but they abandoned me. I haven't seen them in over a year.
I have never been in a relationship until about one year ago. I have known my boyfriend for a long time, but we only recently found out we could be more than friends. We are happy together, now, although we are ostracized by a large degree.
It's great to have come out, however. Even though my friends & family are alienated, not having seizures as often & having someone to hold me when my body & mind rebels against themselves still makes up for it (he is some sort of 6'7'' handsome native-american/neanderthal, so cuddles are like being in a cocoon : D
Seriously, though, I don't have it that bad. I don't want to cut off my parts or anything, I just should've been female is all. I've been taking saw palmetto & was briefly on spiro, but that is too expensive. They help, but I have still been in the hospital twice 'cause of suicide attempts. Now I just get high & play N64 games with my boyfriend when my brain starts screwing up.
I was fortunate enough to get through this whole ordeal, but it is easy to imagine others aren't. Just stay the course. What happens will happen.
I'm not going to lie, it is kindof awesome. I'll start flailing around in the night, & he rubs my back & holds me until it goes away. Meanwhile, you get to see lightning bolts & have fever dreams. Other than the physical discomfort of it all, it isn't so bad anymore!
I am just eschewing my information on to the internet. I am a human who can do things to grant limited wishes & distribute power. I also would like to be understood. To have a connection with one's species is beneficial.
So how did you deal with the seizures before you started dating him? Did he help you with them back then as well? I'm also surprised to learn that you enjoy being restrained during your episodes.
I saw the (BBC?) documentary on pedigree dogs, and they showed a dog who was affected by a genetic condition where their skull was just bred to be too small for the brain. Anyway, that was a problem because it causes seizures, and in a clip, one of the owners held it down and tried to comfort it while it had a seizure. Watching that, I was left with the impression that everything about that was unpleasant for the dog, including the restraint. So that's why I'm surprised to hear you enjoy it a bit.
It's nice to hear someone who might be transgender finding a way to make things work for themselves. It's a reminder that transgender people aren't doomed to some miserable lonely existence once they come out of the closet.
That sucks with your family, though. Family isn't always the best available support network, unfortunately. I'd say fuck 'em if you're getting along just fine without them.
For the most part I hid them. I thought it was a social hazard to appear weak, so I would quietly remove myself from a party/event/whatever & go spasm in a discrete location. To help, my boyfriend usually puts pressure on the back of my neck & otherwise generally massages me. The sensation takes away the restlessness my brain sends to the limbs. I want to move my hand to pick up water, but my leg starts shaking uncontrollably instead. If he holds me, the signal seems to get stopped, since my brain is focusing on that instead.
Yeah, he was around me enough to see through me hiding them. He used to just hug me when it happened. The restrainment just helped. Well, also we have a BDSM thing going on that is pretty awesome. That isn't for medical purposes, though. It is just a lot of fun to be tied up :D
Thank you for this! I just ran into my biological father recently at the grocery store. Nothing to say to him or his wife. I just kinda got outta there.
Absolutely yes! Transgender people aren't doomed to anything. Honestly, I wish I didn't feel like this so life would be easier, but it this is the way things are going to be, then so be it. I will fight whatever stupid biological & political stuff is thrown at me.