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Valentine's Day Edition

Non-sexual and platonic intimacy; how do you express it?

Old: >>5381677

Friendly reminder that you can hide the thread by clicking the little minus sign to the left, or by filtering "/acegen/" through 4chan's settings (top right). For those of you who continue to insist that we do not belong here: /lgbt/ is the most relevant board on 4chan for the discussion of GSRMs (gender, sexual, romantic minorities) which includes asexuals and asexuality

>So, what exactly IS asexuality?

There are two commonly used definitions, the first (from dictionary.reference.com):

asexual (a-sek-shoo-el) in medicine
3. lacking interest or desire in sex

And the second (from asexuality.org):

An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction

(to prevent confusion; latter preferred)

>soitsfuckingnothing.jpg

If it helps, asexuality is recognized in the DSM-V: "if a lifelong lack of sexual desire is better explained by one's self-identification as 'asexual', then a diagnosis of... [male/female sexual/arousal disorder]... is not made."

>Okay, so, that didn't actually tell me anything.

So you want to read more about asexuality. Cool.

If you want science:
http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/extantresearch.html

If you want popular articles/videos/websites:
AVEN - The Asexuality Visibility & Education Network (asexuality.org)
Asexuality 101 (asexualawarenessweek.com/asexuality-101/)
Letters to an Asexual (and other relevant videos) (youtube.com/user/swankivy)

>/acegen/ halp! I think I might be asexual!

Do either of the above definitions apply to you? Both? Yes? No? Not sure? Start by asking yourself whether or not you experience sexual attraction as it is described here: http://imgur.com/pdIxHYc

>[questiongoeshere]

Hey, we're pretty chill, so if you've got a question: ask it.

Just don't hold it against us if we take awhile to get back to you; we're the slowest general on the board.
>>
This is spookily relevant to my interests.

I'm not an ace, but my new SO is. We've been friends for a few years previously and I already knew they were asexual. While this doesnt bother me, all my previous relationships have been sexual to some degree.

I was hoping you all might have some ideas or suggestions for some non-sexual intimate activities. I'm sure i'll get a much better idea of what sort of things they'd like personally after we talk about it, but I'd really like some sort of base of ideas to work with.

tl;dr- What are some non-sexual activities you consider intimate?
>>
>>5595361
It varies from person to person, but cuddling seems popular.
>>
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>>5595300
>Non-sexual and platonic intimacy; how do you express it?
Here's a thing from tumblr (I know), what do ya'll think?
>>
>>5595879
>taking a bath together
How big is this hypothetical bathtub? Jesus.
>>
>>5383435
>I've got the issue of really enjoying BDSM, psychologically, not sexually at all.
>>5531344
>Never in my life have I even thought about sex when fapping, (nor liked the actual act obviously), but somehow, I still do have weird-ass fetishes that make no fucking sense.
>>5582921
>I, too, am all too familiar with that feel.
>go to /d/, get told I'm too asexual
>come to /acegen/, get told I'm too sexual
>>5583414
>think I'm asexual
>have strange fetishes
>realize I'm going to have to have sex or compromise for a poly relationship
>realize I'm probably going to have a depressing romance life until I die

Woah! Hello kinky ace anons! What do you like?
>where are you from
Maybe someday I'll find someone who will do weird shit to me without them needing sex all the time.
>>
>>5596936
I don't think that being asexual means that you don't have to be kinky
I mean, regarding BDSM, the sex act in itself isn't even important but it's receiving/giving pain

>>5595879
>holding hands
in public? l-lewd!
>>
What do you all think of demisexuals? Can I hang out here?
>>
>>5598960
Sure, go ahead.
Personally, I find demisexuality a legit thing, but not as a sexual orientation.
>>
>>5598960
It serves a similar function, sure.
>>
>can't have physical connection to spouse
Bullshit mother fucker that's what cuddles and tango are for. You don't tango with your partner? That's impossibru love!
>>
>>5598960
Certainly. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, friend.
>>
>>5595300
Okay what the hell, I made a thread to continue from the previous and I made it this morning after not seeing a thread, but suddenly this one is apparently there even though I used the search.
I no longer trust computers.

>>5595361
Cuddling, cuddling, cuddling, and snuggling

>>5598960
I don't see why not

>>5596936
I don't feel like sharing what I like because I've actually said enough identifying information at this point that someone could probably figure out who I am if they really wanted to. What I will say is that it's probably on the kinkier end of things, and is actually definitely kinda sexual. Not a non-sexual thing. Which is confusing to me. I don't get it.
>>
>>5595361
>not learning to tango with partner
>not learning to chacha with partner
>not hard core almost sex cuddling
>not carrying/picking up/swinging partner around
>not karaokeing with partner
Step up senpai
>>
>>5599949
>I made a thread to continue from the previous and I made it this morning
You said just a few hours! I was refreshing all night at work.
>>
Ace dating site suggestions? Do we have any success stories?
>>
>>5600129
I don't know of any really. All I know how to do is when meeting someone you really like just praying like "pls be ace pls be ace"
Hasn't worked so far imo
>>
>can't give into sex
>can't give up sex
What's worse?
>>
>>5572667
Hey aroanon, I wouldn't mind having some aro friends. I'm grayro myself. Hit me up if you feel like it!

>>5572810
Dang, you the one in Brampton?

But yeah, I'd be down for hanging out. Have you heard of Ace Toronto? They organize meetups and panels and stuff here. You should totally come by one day, if you do wanna meet some ace peeps. My contact is in my map entry. Shoot me a line!
>>
>>5600476
More friends is always good. Sent :^)
>>
>>5600051
I'm only human ;_;
I'm incredibly forgetful
I'm sorry
I wish I wasn't like that
>>
>>5595879
OooooOOOooh my gat!
Falling asleep in someone's lap is always great regardless if you're doing it or receiving it
>>
>>5601000
It's okay, Anon. I forgive you. It really isn't that big of a deal. Please don't feel bad.
>>
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>jerk off every day
>ocassionally imagine myself with a person I know
>never think of them sexually outside of those moments
>not actually sexually attracted to them or anyone (I've never looked at someone and thought wow they're hot I want me some of that)
I have no idea if I'm ace or not desu
>>
>>5595300
Oh hey guys, don't forget the map: https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=1764048&add=1#
>>
>>5602982
I ship these two markers.
Go forth and cuddle.
>>
>>5602982
I put myself down. Let's fill her up.
>>
>>5602691
Hm, maybe the attraction would pick up if you were turned on? Have you ever gotten intimate with someone?
But I suppose it comes down to, are you happy with that? Do you want to try the sex or a relationship or do you not really care if it ever happens?

You could try and see. Or don't and do other things with your life.
>>
>>5605605
I have had sex before and it was actually with one of the people I'd think of
I didn't really enjoy it physically or mentally
If I got told I'd never have sex again it really wouldn't bother me at all
>>
>>5602691
its called loneliness
happened to me once,i did't even like him it was just my brain thinking stuff
got away after i accepted i don't like him,its just my brain and started ignoring it
>>
>>5605751
So if thinking of them is just loneliness then where does that leave me for sexual orientation?
>>
>>5605872
nowhere? you probably talked alot to this person/had alot of interaction,maybe even heard his/her name alot
doesnt mean shit
>>
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>>5596936
>What do you like?
Mostly petplay and rope bondage.

>Maybe someday I'll find someone who will do weird shit to me without them needing sex all the time.
M-me too, anon. Me t-too... One day I'll be living the dream...
>>
>>5607293
D-Do you like being the sub or dom?
[Spoiler]Sub here
>>
>>5607314
I'm submissive. I tried dominating once and it was stressful as fuck and not entertaining at all. I don't really understand why dominants like doing that sort of thing.
>>
>>5607314
>>5607366
Goddamnit guys, I'm submissive too. What are we supposed to do with this?
>>
>>5608525
Oh god I'm a sub as well
Are we all subs?
>>
>>5609017
Switch checking in. I like tying the ropes just as much as I love having the ropes on me.
>>
H-Hey Ann Arbor anon
Wanna hang out?
>>
>>5609041
Where you from. I'm waggling my eyebrows at you.
>>
>>5609041
L O N D O N
O
N
D
O
N
>>
>>5609543
>>5609628
Plymouth County, MA
>>
>>5609658
Aww, damn.

If only we were all super close-by, we could have this weird asexual BDSM party or something weird like that
>>
>>5609898
I'd be down
>>
>>5610093
yeah but we aren't all nearby at all
>>
>>5595300
>ace thread
>aro flag

why does this keep happening. aro isnt a subset of ace. i know yall are cool with us but why the associations all the damn time
>>
>>5610203
It's from the previous thread which was the "(a)romantic edition". The OP didn't want to find another image and just reused it
>>
>>5610306
oh. ok nvm then lol thanks
>>
>>5610203
>ignoring the ace flag top part

>>5609658
North Shore, MA here
>>
>>5610372
A-are you cute?
>>
>>5609658
>>5610372
AWW SHEIT
w-wait, is /acegen/ arranging a... a hookup? of sorts?
>>
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>>5610384
M-maybe, a-are you?
>>
ya'll niggas r intersex

is that better or worse?
>>
>>5610581
>ya'll niggas r intersex
>what, how?
>is that better or worse?
Than what?

What the fuck?
>>
>>5609259
Yeah sure! Wanna talk on skype?
>>
>>5595361
http://theasexualityblog.tumblr.com/post/114559247241/list-of-non-sexual-forms-of-intimacy
i think this list has a lot of pretty good albeit obvious stuff
>>
Can you be a mostly asexual but a litle straight?

like i've never jerked off to either men or women but i think that if a girl was sucking my dick i'd prolly get somewhat turned on. It's almost as if my sexual orientation is unrevealed since i've always been a virgin faggot with no girl acquaintances.

I feel some level of attraction to women but very very small, and it depends largely on the day.
>>
>>5612113
They call that grey-asexual or grey-a, grey-ace, greysexual...
>>
>>5610581
>>5610586
holy fuck im dying
>>
>>5610581
>>
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>>5595879
>holding hands
THAT'S THE MOST SEXUAL ACT THERE IS
>>
>>5611191
Sure! I'm pretty shy so sorry in advance if I end up not saying too much
>>
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>>5612719
>>5597097
>>
>>5612881
It's okay I'm shy too and we don't need to call and talk at first

Skype display name: Loud noise jump
>>
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<<Yo buddy, any aces in here?>>
>>
>>5609658
Damn. I'm Seattle.

>>5609898
Yeah! I've heard that Seattle has a cuddling class thing, but I wouldn't feel comfortable going to that with sexuals. There's also a cool looking bdsm club thing. Maybe I'll look to see if they have a seminar on asexuality.
>>
>>5616231
>aces into bdsm

Read "nana to kaoru" if mongolian shadow puppet image collections are your thing
>>
>>5616084
I don't get it
>>
>>5616237
>nana to kaoru
WHY WON'T THOSE TWO ADMIT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER
>>
>>5617434
IT'S SO FRUSTRATING
>>
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>>5614534
>>5612881
>>5609259
>>5611191
>>
>>5619047
Then the manga would end and we wouldn't get any more cute lewds!

>mfw not ace

I was worried it wouldn't be well recieved!
>>
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>>5609041
Another switch here. Hay grl/boifran.

>>5596936
I like rape, petplay, hypnosis, macro/micro, vore, a few different kinds of tf, melting, robots (???) and now, some kinda autoandrophilia, apparently (whoo-de-doo).

Checkmate, motherfuckers.
>>
>>5621111
>/acegen/
>/d/egenerate Edition

This is a good feel.
>>
>>5621883
Yeah I think we've got the absolute wrongest edition ever
>>
>>5616639
It was an ace combat question.

/aceg/ on /vg/ is the Ace Combat thread. If you like vidya, check out AC Zero: The Belkan War, fun as fuck game.
>>
>>5621594
Canada.

I-I've said too much already.
>>
>>5625993
Are you on the map
>>
>>5609041
>>5621111
Oh shit i ain't the only switch!

...not like i ever get the chance to switch but still. You would think enjoying a variety would be easier then harder.

Oddly I don't have any specific fetishes but at the same time I never had any problems taking part. Good thing too considering my performance issues as a ace. People are so much more forgiving on that sorta thing when you don't mind their fetishes...

Its all the same thing to me really. The kinks, fetishes, and sex. Somehow brain doesn't differentiate and gives 0 fucks about it all. Means no matter what kind of fetish or kinky sex they want to me its all the same fucking thing.

Its weird and ended up making me a de facto switch in the process.

>>5612113
eh is it sexual attraction? Be aware the body reacts to stimuli despite one's orientation or permission.
>>
>>5626704
I can understand being a no-fucks sub, but how does that work when you're a Dom?
Also where u
>>
hey im aro but sexual, although i have no sexual interest in people who don't have sexual interest in me. even if i had sexual interest with someone previously, as soon as they confirm they aren't into me i lose it completely. anyway i really want some aroace friends cause im beyond tired of being pressured for lewds. can i add myself to the map?
>>
>>5626920
why not
go for it
>>
>>5602982
should we have a color code for the markers? can you even edit your marker after you've placed it?
>>
>>5626909
Toys. Toys became my very helpful friends when dick failure occurred also hands.

Basically what i would do is rely upon my hands and toys to squeak by when I was suffering performance issues.

Being an ace made sex a nightmare for me despite the fact I had no aversion to it. I just found it troublesome but luckily the no fucks given about whatever fetishes and kinks went a long way to compensate for it.

For me as an ace it came down to giving literally 0 fucks about sex, fetishes, and kinks. Kicker is though while I didn't mind any of it neither did I particularly enjoy it. Which made performance quite the problem.

Location is southwest.

Truthfully I've never actually met another ace irl only online.

>>5626920
That shutdown ability is a useful thing to have.
>>
wait wait wait.... are y'all telling me there are ace doms that like using sexual toys on people? but no PIV? am i reading this right?

>>5627110
is it really that rare of an "ability"? i just don't understand people who lust after people who clearly don't want them. it feels so disgusting to me, like thinking about sex with a parent. buhhuhh
>>
>>5627130
>>5627130
What never heard of femdoms? Plus its not like a male ace dom can always keep it up with ease. That shit is pain in the ass. I envy non ace dudes for their easy boners. Lucky fuckers and its not I have a pair of tits so I don't have the whole vagina excuse.


Its very rare. Most people aren't able to shutdown stuff about themselves like that. I can do it to a degree but not in sexual attraction which I don't experience to begin with. Kind of a mute point.

Its very rare. I've only heard of a few cases most of which were online and niche related. Its why saying exist like on how if people could choose who they love things would be much easier.

Kicker is they can't but unlike them I am able to shutdown my interests in people. Makes things easy when something doesn't pan out or someone proves to be a disappointment.

Yours is unusual the first I heard of. All the other ones I heard about weren't able to shut that down and in fact supposedly that is the hardest to shake. You can supposedly hate or be disgusted by someone but still desire to fuck them.

Your ability is extremely rare.
>>
Can asexuals rape?
>>
>>5595300
I have a tricky time with my sexuality. I am sexually attracted to women, and romantically attracted to men and women, but I have no interest in sex beyond experimentation to see if I can develop an interest. My sexual attraction to women is disconnected from a desire to have sex with women, so my fantasies are ... essentially entirely fetishistic. I do enjoy cuddling, kissing, and other ways of being intimate. If cuddles get a bit lewd, that's fine, but bringing genitalia and/or anal into the equation kills it for me.

Would I fall under the asexual umbrella?
>>
>>5627130
I don't use my genitals in any of my scenes. Hands and toys, sure.
>>
>>5627056
You can edit it. Click on the title.
>>5627328
I mean, theoretically I don't see why they couldn't
>>
>>5627352
Sure, I'd say so. In practice and sex-having desire, you're essentially asexual. You're not full blown textbook asexual, but you could totally use "gray-asexual" or the like.
I think of it like this: "asexual" is just a shorthand to communicate what you do/do not want out of a relationship. It helps people understand the expectations.

Say, if someone was celibate, I'd prefer they to call themselves celibate or practicing abstinence. Because this implies that they're forcefully struggling with the desire, and typically expect sex after marriage. I'd prefer to know those things.

You're welcome here.
>>
>>5596936
copying my post from the BDSM thread:
Im a heterosexual cis male but I am indifferent to tits vagina and ass. I only like feet and femdom, but absolutely no regular sex. I feel really weird and alienated. Any deviants like me? I feel like im in some strange hell between being sexual and asexual.
I know I don't belong here since im not asexual but where the fuck do I belong.
I don't want to be forced to have sex, I don't want to force any asexuals to have sexual activities related to my fetishes, and I don't want any future sexual partners to cheat on me.
>>
>>5630135
What do you hope to do with feet, foot jobs and stuff? Do you still have a desire to get off? How often?

You can hang out with us. Some of us even have sex infrequently. Of course you wouldn't be compatible with someone sex-repulsed, but if you find an ace like >>5626704 >>5627110 this anon, who doesn't mind sex, or like some of our other kinky anons.

Do you do it as a sub or as a Dom? I'm a sub female ace who would probably do well in a relationship with someone with low/no sex drive. I can't handle medium/high sex drives (I tried, it sucked. Literally. Hah. Haha.) but I'm not sex repulsed so I can put on a show for someone now and then if they want it.
>>
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Hey acegen-

I was curious. What does our romantic demographics looks like?

I consider myself biromantic. I wonder sometimes if that's because I don't feel sexual attraction. I feel the same way towards both genders, so I don't really feel the need to exclude one for my romantic options. Anyone else feel similarly?

I made up a straw poll so we can find out.

I'd love it if you made a post here to tell us what you think of your romantic orientation. If you're homo/hetero, how do you feel about your non preferred gender? What does it feel like to not want a romantic relationship with them?

Here's the straw poll:

http://strawpoll.me/6675880
>>
>>5630674
Where's the "pack of autistic frauds" option?
>>
kys
>>
>>5626134
Nope.

>>5621883
>>5621883
I do feel kinda bad for /d/erailing the thread. To my non-kinky anons--I'm sorry.

Well hey, maybe I can actually answer the thread question to make up for my debauchery?

Platonic intimacy? Well, I do like cuddling, and though I am touch averse with people I don't know well, I can be very touchy with people I AM close with. I'm really close with my little brother, for instance, and he and I snuggle quite a bit while watching tv and stuff. (Honestly, he's still a baby to me...)

I can also snuggle with my best friends, and we'll hug a lot and stuff, or I'll pepper our conversations with physical contact when it gets intense, e.g. "Omg, anon, no way, you did NOT do that! *touches arm*"
>>
>>5631729
>I do feel kinda bad for /d/erailing the thread.
For being the anon who initially brought it up, I regret nothing! Muahaha!
But no really. It feels so validating to not be alone in this.
>>
>>5630867
>current year
>not knowing that keys get recycled
>>
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Asexuality is the true sexuality.
>>
>>5612113
>>5612123
I would call that inarguably 'not asexual', alternatively 'straight'.
>>
>>5633838
what's the sauce on this? It's adorable and semi-accurate.

While they didn't really understand sexuality in the same way we do we have a lot of early and later church writing about how while non-procreative sex is in and of itself bad having sex with men is an especially worse sin.
>>
>>5634256
Looks like the style of Humon comics. She's a Danish girl who does fun historical comics called Scandinavia and the World. Humanized countries. She does other comics too. She also did that series about animals who have weird sexual patterns, like hyenas having dominant females with big hemiclits and make seahorses being pregnant. It was represented with big pink people for the ladies and big blue people for the guys.
>>
>>5633838
>you seem very determined to put people in boxes
This is my big problem with tumblr right now. Do we really need a new term for every nuance?
>>
>>5634731
It's mostly because people don't like being given general identities. They want something that explains themselves in detail.

So instead of asexual, you get "autochrissexual" and such.

It's like someone dividing the zodiac into further categories like "taurus rising" and "eighth house scorpio" and shit
>>
>>5630557
I get off regularly like once every 4-5 days to pornography where there is strictly fetish stuff and no sex.
I am a sub of course.
To be honest I never jacked off to any foot job clips and I never fantasize about footjobs but I never tried it so I am not really sure, but so far I am indifferent to footjobs.
I'll spare anyone who's reading too much information and just say I prefer doing things with my mouth and hands and I like a little bit of psychological domination.
Haha i feel like a total degenerate and a deviant
>>
>>5634982
I think it's more that our post-post-post-post-post-modern post-post-post-post-deconstructionist, liberal society has destroyed every boundary and means of identification so the new generation has to start construction walls to live in but they're doing a terrible job.
>>
>>5635350
I'm interested, honestly!

I wonder if any other aces have ended up like me, but I find sexuality endlessly fascinating. I think it's really interesting all the strange ways humans amuse themselves!
I didn't understand standard attraction and ended up doing a lot of research on sex when I was going through puberty and my friends were all being horndogs.

I ended up with a sub fetish too. It makes sense that we'd be more comfortable with the idea of someone using us to please themselves rather than someone trying to figure out the confusing ways to get us off.
>>
>>5630674
Thank you for everyone who has voted so far!

It's interesting how we don't have any homoromantics yet. We also have quite a few girls here! I wonder what will be the top winner at the end.

Reminder about our map too. It's easy to make markers, and you don't need to include contact if you don't want to.

It's here! >>5602982
https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=1764048&add=1#
>>
>>5635583
i added my self! though almost everyone is from the east coast so thats a bummer
>>
>>5635839
I'm candle-anon! I feel your pain. That's the tree marker isn't it? I tried that one, hoping it'd be an actual tree. But those shades of green are fun too.
>>
>>5635877
yeah i was hoping it would be a tree too cause it'd be funny with oakland and all that. i applied to evergreen so if i decide to go ill be moving to olympia! it that does happen it'll be in a couple months but it be nice to meet you and have a chat or something.
>>
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>be lesanon
>be in college
>date same girl for 2+ years
>tfw haven't had sex in 3 months
>and each time I try, she says she's "just not into it right now"
>but insists she's still really attracted to me
>tfw we didn't really have sex more than once a month for the past year
>but had crazy monkey sex the first year of dating

What do I do? Is it possible she's ace but doesn't realize/won't admit it? I've tried asking before and she insists that it's not that - plus aforementioned monkey sex.
>>
>>5635398
>destroyed every boundary and means of identification
Interesting, what do you mean by this part though?
>>
>>5595300
What is this Xbox Kinect shit
>>
>>5635972
Lesbian bed death?
>>
>>5636048
Wut
>>
>>5630674
What the fuck is aroromantic
>>
Jesus this thread is moving quickly. H-have we succeeded as a thread?

>>5630674
I chose m/hetero, but I'm not entirely sure. At the present moment that's what I think it is, but to be totally honest I have very little clue as to what it really is.
My feelings toward my non-preferred gender: I don't actually know, I haven't really thought about it all that much, desu. For me I think I would just moreso prefer a relationship with a girl than a guy, but I think that's mostly because I'm more comfortable around girls than guys in general and can easier imagine spending my life with a girl than a guy, but I'm not totally opposed to spending it with a guy. However, I think I'm far more comfortable cuddling with a girl than with a guy for some reason. All in all, though, I'm just confused by what my romantic orientation may be so I just rarely think about it.

Also, wow, I'm kinda surprised by the lack of homoromantic people. Though, I guess maybe there are fewer asex homorom people that have figured themselves out, perhaps?

>>5635571
I find sexuality to be a fairly fascinating thing. I have some cognitive dissonance caused by simultaneously wishing that sex had nothing to do with life in any way shape or form and by extension wishing it would cease to be a topic in the world, and with being, to some degree, really interested in it in somewhat fetishized ways.

>>5635972
either >>5636079 or maybe they just had a super high libido to begin with but it's kinda tapered off? I hate to pull the "low libido" thing, but maybe that's it. Not saying they aren't asexual, but rather that maybe they don't realize it and/or they just had a really high sex drive for a while, perhaps caused by being excited about the beginning of the relationship?
Wait that sounds like >>5636079 again.

>>5636048
What

>>5636319
I don't see "aroromantic" anywhere in there.
>>
>>5627328
>be asexual
>will never have rape thoughts
Best sexual tbqh ham
>>5633838
I'm so sick of sexual and gender identities. People can't even explain what gender is, like I don't think gender even exists at all it's just what sex you want to be or what sex you are okay with but all this made up genders that aren't sexes is bullshit, you can't be something that literally isn't real. Obviously there is male, female and intersex, but there isn't sexless half male half nongender part bazooka bullshit.
>>
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>>5636358
I identify as a ditto these days.
I don't know what gender is, I'll kiss anyone, and I'm not monogamous
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>>5637217
Are you me?
>>
>>5636343
Thank you for your perspective!
>>
someone with more experience than me please explain the following:
I got a whiff of my roommate's odor and l of a sudden I really wanted to cuddle him or hug him and that didn't quite going away
What the fuck is going on
>>
>>5627328
Yeah, but I don't see the why an asexual would do it out of pleasure. Possibly malice.

>>5638227
You like the way your roommate smells and that's causing you to want to be closer physically.

You're experiencing attraction. Probably not sexual.
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>>5638246
>You're experiencing attraction
Any idea what kind?
Also I don't think I like it. Not in this particular instance. He's a good friend, and also incredibly straight. Please tell me there is a way to make this stop
>>
>>5638227
>>5638246
>>5638274
Wanting to jump someone upon smelling them is a distinctly sexual urge.
>>
Huh, thought I might ask here.
Well thing is, I am not sure if I experience sexual attraction towards anyone.
I'm straight, I have liked boys but even if they were pretty forward I always refused to sleep with them.
I sometimes imagined having sex with the guy I liked at the time, but the thought did not arouse me. It felt more like a chore, like I was trying to condition myself into thinking it would be great. It felt way better thinking about just cuddling, kissing at most.
I don't feel disgusted by sex, I even think it could be something to do with a partner but it just isn't the thing I think about if I like someone.
Is it possible I just, as they say, don't know what I'm missing? Should I try to get some experience before saying it's not for me?
>>
>>5638853
Except that not a single sexual thing went through my mind, only hugging and cuddling. I know it isn't sexual but I don't know what it is

And it isn't that I want to jump them, just curl up next to them
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>>5639501
>I know it isn't sexual but I don't know what it is
I suspect it's sexual.
>>
>>5639545
Googling has found sensual, not sexual
I have no desire to have sex with him, none at all, just cuddle with him. I'm 100% certain that isn't sexual.
>>
>>5639560
Have you cuddled him (or anyone) like that before?
>>
>>5638227
I call that sensual attraction.

>>5639140
My view point is to try sex if you're curious and don't if you don't care.
Think about you, what you want out of life and what you want to be happy. Are you happy without it? Then don't worry about it. Does the question tear you up at night? Have sex and find out.

But maybe think why the question is so important to you. Are you basing your value as your ability as a sexual partner?

If you don't figure out why you want to know, you might get caught in a loop.
>What if I just need to try sex?
>I didn't like it. What if I just didn't connect with him? Maybe I should try again with someone else...
>>
>>5639566
Not him, but I've cuddled people like that before, there just hasn't ever been a feeling like that
>>
>>5639623
Then this is something new to you. What might be new to an asexual?
>>
>>5639805
Loads of things. I'm fairly certain that isn't sexual, though. There is absolutely no desire to have sex with him or anything, just cuddle up to him or something. Nothing more than that.
It's weird, but that isn't sexual.
Though I think it's definitely sensual attraction which is still a weird thing
>>
>>5639822
I think what I'm driving at is that someone who doesn't know what sexual attraction feels like is liable to be confused by it at first blush.
>>
>>5639822
I don't agree with the other anon who thinks you're having sexual attraction.
I know your feeling well. Of seeing/smelling someone and having a deep desire to hug and hold them. Sometimes I have that feeling with my brother!

I understand what you mean by smell. I feel like a bit of a creep but when I find a shirt or jacket of some close friends of mine, I love just breathing in their smell. It overwhelms me with this feeling of contentment, and desire to hug them.

I'm grey-A and I've felt sexual attraction before. I've had sex before. And this sensual feeling is not the same as sexual attraction.
>>
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What do you guys think of using OKcupid to make friends? I messaged a few people with similar interests as mine just cause I'm ronery and want new friends, but I wonder how it'll be received. Surely not everyone on there is thirsty af... right?
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W-will I ever be in a sex-less but kinky relationship, /acegen/?
>>
>>5607366
I tend to enjoy watching them wiggle and squirm as they are teased, pleased and tied. Such contentment with their joy or torment!
>>
>>5635942
>i applied to evergreen so if i decide to go ill be moving to olympia!
Wow, that'd be awesome!
Evergreen has a beautiful campus. Let me know if you end up going! We'll get some legit Washington state coffee. Well, I'm more of a tea person honestly but we've got tons of tea houses too.
>>
I had a funny thought today. I'm not sex repulsed. I don't particularly want to get stuck where I'm having sex all the time, but i could see myself being with someone with a very minimal sex drive and put on a show for them every month or so.

But kissing? Absolutely revolting. Mashing mouths and swapping spit and the texture of someone else's tongue? It makes me shudder. I have kissed several people in an attempt to feel something from it. It's just terrible.

I'm not trying to force myself to like these things now that I've accepted that I'm ace. But I do find this humorous.
>>
>>5627222
you keep saying "ability" and "shutdown" like it's something i consciously do. it's not. i can't help who i am or am not attracted to. people who aren't into me are just not attractive.
>>
>>5635398
wow this is so well put
>>
>>5642846
what's your kink? :D
>>
>>5595300
/LGBT/
hmm don't see an A there for Asexual... hmm no P for Pansexual either... no B for Brony... no F for Furry

Stop latching onto us and get china moot to make you your own board where you can bitch to each other about being lonely but having no sexual feelings.

This is not an asexual board.
>>
>>5595300
Reported for being off topic.
>>
>>5595300
I've never believed in asexuality. I think it's simply people who are scared of intimacy. Every single asexual person I have met is like scared of their own shadow.

I just don't think it's actually a thing.
>>
>>5635972
i think thats just normal for some people. who find someone new and you just cant get enough. you seem more bothered by this than her tho, and if she notices it itll detract from your attractiveness
>>
>>5644965
ok
>>
>>5638227
pheromones
>>
>>5638274
there isn't
>>
>>5639850
this
>>
so y'all hang out on fetlife or what?
>>
>>5644951
/lgbt/ is meant as a general category for gender and sexual minorities, not a strict set of categories. And there's literally no point in having a board just for asexuals, that's overly specific to the point of being ridiculous.

>>5644955
Filing false reports, or announcing that you've reported a thread, is a bannable offense. Are you really so triggered by the existence of our one little thread that you're willing to get banned over it?
>>
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>>5644951
>>5644955
Nice maymays.

>>5644965
I'm pretty sure there are a lot of aces who aren't like that, though.
But alright, believe whatever you want.
>>
>>5646129
Are any of us aces here actually in happy sexless relationships?
Though I guess part of the reason I come here is because I'm lonely. I'd probably not be here as often if I was with someone.
>>
>>5646129
Fuck, sorry for replying to you. I was getting the quick reply.
>>
I just realized that someone from Maryland put themselves on the map.
Somebody from the town I first lived in.
Somebody close to my age.

Maryland anon, there's a slight change we went to the same school at some point.
>>
>>5648899
Now kiss
>>
>>5639140
There's no point in thinking about it. When there's a time you feel like trying sex for once, you'll see how it is, no point in forcing yourself into it; but no point in saying it's definitely not for you either. Young people are too keen on putting labels on themselves nowadays. Your attitude towards sex seems pretty weird though, as in, first imagining it and then thinking it'd be a chore. Maybe you just feel sex is degrading or animal-ish or whatever.
Anyways, I think you should just take things as they come. I never felt sexual attraction toward anybody, didn't imagine myself having sex etc. and for a long time I didn't even feel romantic attraction, but then I got a few crushes and lately I even got a crush where I honestly think "I want to have sex with this person" for the first time. If you put a label on yourself beforehand you may have problem accepting a change if it happens.
>>
>>5651224
I moved out years ago, I'm afraid. Moved states.
>>
>>5647713
I am very happy in a sexless relationship!
>>
>>5652535
Tell us more! How did you meet? What do you two do together? Stories!
>>
>>5652966
We met on OKCupid!

He's not ace, and we went met and I explained to him that I was, he said that he would probably be fine with it, and we're going on 7 months of being very happy together. As far as intimacy goes, I'm fine with cuddling/kissing, but not much after that. Early on in the relationship, I basically told him that he can touch me anywhere that isn't covered by clothes, so it's very easy to understand my boundaries. He likes to masturbate sometimes while we cuddle, and I'm okay with that, though the couple of times he's gotten semen on me have made me freak out a bit, hahaha.

He's very sweet and understanding, and I feel very lucky to have him in my life.
>>
>>5653040
Congratulations, anon! Do you mind if I interrogate you?

What problems have you encountered as a result of your mismatch in sexuality and how have you two resolved them?
>>
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How can I fix myself? All I want is a normal relationship that doesn't peter out and die because I can't provide sufficient sexual attention. It's so necessary in the modern world it's ridiculous.
>>
>>5654740
Interrogate all you want!

We haven't had too many issues. When I first brought it up, he did ask some of the typical questions that can be frustrating (e.g. "how do you know if you've never tried?"), but he was very receptive of my answers and never really questioned them.

I think the only real argument we've had about it was when we first started dating. If we were cuddling, and he got an erection, I'd just move away slightly because I don't really want to feel that pressed against me. And he would get upset because he can't really help getting them at times. But after a long conversation, I explained that it's not him that I'm trying to get away from, and that while I don't mind him touching himself near me or anything, I just don't want to be in contact with his genitals.
>>
>>5655113
I'm kinda curious more about your aversion to genitals and semen.
So does that mean you're a sex repulsed type? Can you tell me more about what you feel when you're in contact with genitals, and the parts of it you don't like, and maybe more about the why you don't like it?
It's fun hearing about all the different types of aces there are. I'm not a sex repulsed ace so I'm not relating to your experience, so I like understanding where you're coming from!
We're the same but different.
>>
>>5655969
Yeah, I would definitely call myself sex-repulsed.

It's almost like a combination of nausea and fear. The fight/flight part of my brain just starts yelling "get away!" at me. And I wouldn't really say there are parts of it I don't like, rather that I just don't like the entire experience as a whole. As soon as my brain thinks of a situation as sexual, it becomes an issue. It honestly just feels like a very instinctual thing for me.

One thing that's very neat about the ace community is how varied we all are! It makes me wonder if other communities are the same, but maybe it isn't discussed as much because there isn't as much self-reflection happening there. Most aces I know went through months/years of self-doubt and examining every part of their sexuality to figure out if they were ace, whereas most non-ace queer folks I know may have spent a bit of time thinking about it, but they didn't have to put their every thought through the ringer to come to that conclusion.
>>
>tfw experience little sexual attraction to anyone or anything
>at most have an "I'd bang that" with kind of a neutral look at it
>have crushes really easily on guys and girls
>get turned on by fetish porn still, basically the only thing I can get aroused to
>when I was with my ex, I'd basically want to fuck him all the time
>get aroused by other people talking about their fetishes as if I have that fetish as well

What the fuck

I'm so fucking confused.
>>
>>5657434

Oh yeah, and
>every time I had sex I'd be more aroused by the thought of being so intimate with another human
>basically get aroused by romance

Is this normal at all? Because what the fuck
>>
>>5657434
>>5657442
I think that sounds pretty normal for a sexual. I'm thinking evolutionarily, and it makes sense for you to be turned on by feeling close to and trusting someone. Because that means you can trust them to protect you, take care of the baby, etc etc

It kind of sounds like what some people define as demisexual, but functionally you sound sexual. Because if you got into a happy relationship, you'd be able to keep up sexual relations.
>>
>>5655969
Not her, but I'm definitely that too. GF being touchy-feely is meh, I can tolerate it, but anything with her parts fills me with an immense fear and disgust that I can't quite explain. I wish it was different.
>>
>>5658028

Thanks, man.

All the fucking ace sexualities people say exist so that they can get into the LGBT club got me beyond confused.
>>
>>5658201
Anytime! What I do is focus not on nitty gritty definitions, but what it implies functionally. What are you trying to get across to someone?
Identifying as asexual is important for me to get across because it means I cannot keep up a typical sexual relationship.

Think of it like this: me saying to a sexual, "I can't date you because I'm asexual" is the same as someone saying to a straight, "I can't date you because I'm gay."

You don't need asexual identifiers because you can still have a normal relationship.
>>
>>5658047
Would indirect stimulation (ie: hitachi wand) function as a workaround, or is that a no-go too?
>>
>>5658302

That actually makes a lot of sense! Thanks. I'm not sure how it got as fucked up as it is now.

>tfw one of my best friends says she's demi and all I can do is just nod and smile while I cringe internally

I can't wait until we get over this awkward and bumpy phase of progress where people grossly misunderstand what sexuality even means. Keep spreading the good word, Anon.
>>
>>5658485
Thank you so much! I do try.
>>
>>5658458
As long as I don't have to hear it. The "splortch" sounds make me want to puke. She also does stuff that's really out of character whenever we're doing anything and it makes me really uncomfortable not being able to predict what she's gonna do. Usually, we're goofballs who love to laugh at stupid shit but she gets so damn serious and forceful with sex and I have no idea what she's trying to do half the time. It's jarring, to say the least.
>>
>hanging out with a dude
>watching movies and shit
>feel uncomfortable when he cuddles me
>feel even more uncomfortable when I realize that he wanted more than just cuddling
>this isn't going to work out at all
>do the "fade away" and break contact with him

I just want to watch dumb movies with a person. Why did "netflix and chill" have to become a thing?
>>
>>5664521
I feel you.
I'm currently dealing with a guy who got a huuuge crush on me. The first time he asked me out, I didn't feel comfortable saying I was ace. I let him down easy by saying "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." I had recently gotten out of a multi-year relationship with a guy who said he was okay with me being ace. He wasn't. So I don't want to do that again. I'm being honest saying I don't want a relationship, right?

Wrong.

He took us hanging out, me laughing at his jokes, and hugging good bye as "Wait does that mean she wants a relationship NOW?"

Fuck.

I've finally told him that I'm ace and but the damage is done. He spent so long convincing himself that my friendliness was flirting that he was crushed.

He says he can recover and become friends again but I honestly don't believe him.
>>
I don't get pining. Why is it is painful to be friends with someone you want something more with?
I do consider myself romantic, but I just don't get it.

Is it just sexual desire? Wishing to be physically close to the crush? Or are they also upset that they aren't emotionally closer? Why can't they be emotionally intimate as friends?
>>
>>5665425
Damn, I feel you, I honestly don't get that too.
I never really went trough any suffering because of this kind of thing when crushing and always found it weird how much people seem to get fucked up thanks to that. I think the only time I felt a bit bad for it I wasn't feeling very well mentally, so whatever.

There was a guy I talked on the Internet and was friends with previously who I ended up rejecting last year and then he did some really crazy shit, probably as revenge. I really can't fathom why people would get that fucked up simply because of something like that, although he was way more idiotic than normal.
I remember I've said I was ace to him one or two times a long time before he confessed, but didn't make it clear if it was a joke or not. Later a friend told me the guy said to him that "she thinks she is asexual, I'm going to make her abandon those tumblr thoughts". I'm pretty sure he thinks ace = aro, which makes all his butthurt due to being rejected even weirder.
>>
>>5665353
I feel you, mang

>say you're ace
>people take it as a challenge
>just try to be friends
>friendliness is seen as sexual interest
>>5665425
>>5666317
I see it as the contrast between the person's fantasies and desires and actual reality. This contrast causes frustration.

An example of this would be if a person dreamed of being beautiful and would buy all the best products and undergo the best surgeries.
However, when they looked into the mirror, they still looked the same.

Or perhaps someone working very hard to lose weight and they seem to not lose a single pound.

It's basically the inability to reach one's desired goal.
>>
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>>5595300
Idk, a even. I've given up on intimacy and love. Too much trouble to explain, why even try?
>>
>>5596936
Sup fellow greysexual. All orientations have fetishes.
>>
Rover?
>>
Who else is excited for when chocolate goes on sale after the 14th? I'm going to gorge myself.
>>
>>5671846
It goes on sale then? It already goes on sale after santa and easter.
>>
>>5671999
But that's when the valentine's assorted chocolates in the cute heart boxes goes on sale
>>
>>5671999
Valentine's, Easter, Halloween and Christmas are the four chocolate holidays of the year.
Get hype for discount chocolate
>>
>>5673801
post holiday candy is right up there with post "back to school" stationary in my hype charts
>>
lgbt
>lesbian
>gay
>bi
>transgender
>>
>>5676270
/lgbt/ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender
>Lesbian
>Gay
>Bisexual
>(nothing)
>Transgender
See there is a blank option right there in the board name. Fuck oxford comma.
>>
>>5676270
Fun fact: some people here ARE lesbian, gay, bi, and/or trans.
>>
>>5676270
/lgbt/ is meant as a general category for weird gender and sexuality stuff, that's pretty much how moot described it. /gsm/ would probably be a better description, and would have prevented /lgbt/ from being the first board with more than 3 letters, however it's not nearly as recognizable as /lgbt/. And the board name length is now a moot point (lel) now that hiroyuki's added /news/ and /trash/. The board rules just talk about "LGBT lifestyle" and "LGBT community" without going into detail as to what those things specifically entail.
>>
Does anybody have tips on how to turn down people or explain why I don't want sex?

I just tend to say I'm not interested but that tends to take me as a challenge. Should I just just I'm asexual? I feel like that wouldn't help either.
>>
>>5676948
Man that's really pushing it. I don't think gender has anything to do with lgbt. Really it should have been lgb, since trans is something completely different, but hey I get it. Gotta latch onto something bigger to achieve more mainstream acceptance. Still sucks and is funny imo.
Anyways, back to /trash/ with you!
>>
>>5677008
>Man that's really pushing it. I don't think gender has anything to do with lgbt. Really it should have been lgb, since trans is something completely different, but hey I get it. Gotta latch onto something bigger to achieve more mainstream acceptance. Still sucks and is funny imo.
Gender is basically in there because normies have usually considered trans people to be "super gay" and obviously sexuality has to do with what genders one is attracted to.
>>
>>5676967
The first one, it's really no different than a sexual turning down someone they aren't interested in. Are you a girl or a boy?
On the second, are you talking about discussing sex within a romantic relationship?
>>
>>5677042
I'm a girl and I'm mostly just talking about random people that are interested in me.
I know it's generalizing, but I just feel like it won't work with the average person since they'll probably want sex.
>>
>>5676948
>lgbt
>>
>>5677130
Yes, that's what I was replying to...your point being?
>>
I'm like 99% sure I'm ace. How do I explain this to family? I've tried before, but all I've heard is 'you just haven't met the right person'.

Maybe they're right?
>>
>>5677173
Is there any particular reason they need to know? Do they ask you about your sex life a lot?
>>
>>5677226
No, it's just something I'd feel happier that they knew - just to avoid any possible issues.
>>
>>5677244
>any possible issues
I struggle to imagine what issues those could be.
My family have never asked about how often I have sex. Nor have they suggested entering a sexual relationship with me. Because both of those things would be really fucking weird.

"This is my boyfriend" is fine, "this is my boyfriend, and I have very little interest in touching his genitals" is not needed.
>>
>>5677173
Are you aromantic too? I could understand your desire to stop them from saying like, "When are you gonna get a date?"
For that I would just leave it at layman's terms. "I don't really care about dating." "I'm happy being just me! I'm whole, there's no 'other half' I need."

Don't fall in the trap of playing along. When someone says, "There's someone out there for you!" Don't say, "Maybe." Instead say, "Eh, whatever!"
It feels little but I'd say the things like that are what will make you feel more genuine when talking to your friends and family.
>>
>>5677060
>it won't work with the average person since they'll probably want sex.
What's the 'it' here? Relationships? Or rejection?

On rejection, you've just got to stand your ground. Assholes who don't back off with your initial no are the kind of people who would consider asexual conversation "therapy" a good idea. It won't change anything if they know.

Be firm and use language without loopholes. If you say "I'm not interested in a relationship" they'll take that as "not right now" and try again later. Or they'll try to have something with you that isn't considered a 'relationship', assuming you're just scared of commitment.

For the first time, say "Sorry, I'm not interested." in the normal polite way. If he presses, look him directly in the eye and say again in a polite tone "I'm not interested." Make sure not to use too much apologetic/submissive body language on this second one. Don't shrug. Don't let out an uncomfortable chuckle. Don't do the apologetic expression of concerned eyebrow, head tip, slight smile.
Just stare into his soul. If you're going to make an expression do the eyebrow raise, tight smile, pointed eyes that says "Okay?" or "Well?"

I've never had someone not back down from that. If they don't, they are a creep and you should leave and be with a friend/witnesses.

You don't need to explain yourself. You shouldn't explain yourself. It only gives him fuel to argue with your rejection. Your explanation is "I'm not interested." Your reason is "I'm not interested."

If he presses on why, if he insists, just be a broken record. Keep repeating it. Give him nothing. Do not budge. You are not interested and that's all he needs to know.
>>
>>5677606
Thanks, anon. I guess I just have to get more of a backbone when it comes to people asking me out.

Oh, and by "it" I meant the relationship itself. I know people have needs and I don't really want to going into a relationship that's bound to fail due to a lack of something I'm not willing to give.
>>
There's no A in LGBT. When you grow up a little you'll be ashamed you wasted so much time pretending to be such a perfect little snowflake and thank the day you finally decided to just go see a sex therapist.

All of you have a treatable dysfunction. It is ridiculous that you equate it with immutable states like LGBT.
>>
>>5677876
You're late. We already had another anon come do that today. You guys need to time your posts better so you can back each other up and give one another support
>>
>>5677876
Have you taken your pills today, kevin?
>>
>>5677876
There's no such thing as sex between two men or two women! When you grow up a little you'll be ashamed you wasted so much time pretending to be such a perfect little snowflake and thank the day you finally decided to just go see a sex therapist.

All of you have a treatable dysfunction. It is ridiculous that you equate it with immutable states like race.
>>
>>5677876
>There's no A in LGBT
We had this discussion earlier, the fact that it's not included in the acronym really isn't that relevant when it's clear moot really intended this to be a GSM board (but he chose /lgbt/ since most people haven't heard of GSM).

>>5677809
>All of you have a treatable dysfunction. It is ridiculous that you equate it with immutable states like LGBT.
If asexuality was treatable, surely it's something we'd have heard about already? Asexuality isn't low libido, it can't be fixed just by taking a few pills, unless those pills are some secret miracle drug nobody knows about yet.
>>
Has anyone actually been to a sex therapist? What's it like? What do they do?
>>
>>5679561
Haven't been to one but they probably just help you with your problems just like a therapist would.

So if you were to come a sex therapist with problems wanting or enjoying sex, you would probably just talk about your problem together as you go towards your goal in a healthy way.
>>
>>5595361
SO of an ace here.

Cuddling has gotten a lot of attention here, although not everyone gets that cuddling with your partner with absolutely no chance of it leading to anything else can be frustrating as fu...well, as no fuck.

I mostly just get off to porn on my own, but she's open to minimal participation (I grind on her leg) where she can touch or hold me if it occurs to her. This works pretty well for me since by the time we're together like that I'm so hungry for that kind of intimacy, I get off in a matter of minutes.

In theory, she's willing to do manual/insertion stuff (though not oral), but it's very procedural: She has no sense of rhythm or flow or connection; the kind that can make or break a musician or dance partner, as well as a lover. It still bothers me from time to time, both the sex part and the dancing. :)

For us, a lot of the intimacy comes from conversation, trust and spiritual connection. We 'get' each other in ways nobody else does. Could we find others who get us just as well? Maybe, but we love each other enough that it's worth the sex part not working. We've even had other couples say they're jealous or inspired by our relationship. We're comfortable enough with the "broken" part of our relationship to just look at each other with a raised eyebrow, like "If they only knew".

By the way, when I say " spiritual", I don't mean like going to church. I mean this feeling we get when we're together sometimes, that we somehow belong together. According to what, or who, don't ask me, we just belong.

Sharing is another big part of intimacy with my ace partner. This might sound like a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised by how much you don't share in your relationship, whether it's thoughts, feelings, worries, dreams, food (or food preparation), things you do for fun. Sharing stuff in your life together like that builds the kind of intimacy that you just don't have with friends and acquaintances.

Pic unrelated, I just like it.
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>>5679629
As corny as it sounds, I've heard exercising together can be a pretty intimate experience: You're already in a relationship together and, presumably, excited about each other. Add in the best and the sweat, the pheromones and the endorphins, the flushed skin, the elevated heart rate, the kind of shared looks that you can only share in certain physical states: It's one of the most sensual non-sexual things you can do together.

This also applies to hard work: One of the times I felt most intimate with my partner was when we were coming in from weeding my grandmother's garden all day. She had dirt up to her knees and green up to her elbows and damp hairs coming out of her ponytail, she was breathing hard and wiping sweat off her forehead which left a smear of dirt. That was a moment of intimacy we enjoyed together that you learn not to take for granted when you're partners with an ace.
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>>5677950
Dear god i can't wait to not fuck your girlfriend. I mean it's not fucking if its two girls right?
>>
>>5600444
>can't give up sex

Definitely worse. It's a hunger that doesn't go away and you end up pressuring your SO for it. Even if you're alone, it's still constantly with you.

Speaking from my partner's experience: It would be just fine if it never came up again, because the pressure for sex is all external. If she puts up the right (?) boundaries, it's never a problem.
>>
>>5679629
>cuddling with your partner with absolutely no chance of it leading to anything else can be frustrating
It's funny, cause for me, cuddling with a sexual is super frustrating.
I can feel the tension. The heart rate rising. It makes me anxious. Sometimes I even get scared. Its not a meaningful reasonable scared. I understand logically that I'm not gonna get raped or anything.

But I feel bad for causing the other person so much bad feeling. I want to relax and be lazy, they want physical activity. It's incompatible. And that's so so sad.
>>
>>5679696
Wth? How do you stop someone from wanting you sexually but still want you intimately? Whats this. Like a no touching zone or something?
>>
>>5679705
Same here. I'm afraid of even dating people because I know what's going to happen to happen down the road.
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>>5679722
S, I think you're confused about what general you're in.
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>>5679901
still though, how do you guys pull that off?!?! I have to hold back all the time, how do you guys just completely ignore?
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>>5679911
Really? You think we're celibate or something? like where religious too and not having sex as a choice? There's nothing to hold back. We don't have that sexual desire.
>>
>>5679911
Wait, do you mean the sexual person or the asexual person? Because that makes a lot of difference
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>>5680136
both

>>5679936
an yeah, that's what I'm asking. I might as well be a starving person when it comes to sex, I really cant get enough of it. and here you guys just don't even see it. How do you do that?
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>>5680168
>How do you do that?
How does a gay dude make it so he does not want sex with women?

How does a lesbian make it so she doesn't want sex with men?

I'm gay and I always crave sex with men. I don't get how straight guys don't even see how sexy men are and don't want to have sex with them.

The question you're asking is quite silly.
>>
>>5680193
after reading said perspective, you are correct, I can see how it might sound silly now.
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>>5679705
Ditto.
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>>5655969
Sex repulsed here, but mainly by fluids. I hate semen. having to swallow it feels like taking a big swig of expired milk to me.
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>>5655969
For me, sex is something that is vulgar and uncomfortable. I don't like the feeling of something inside of me. It feels like some kind of parasite is inside of me moving around. And someone else touching my genitals feels really wrong. The fumbling around is too distant from my own experience and touch and it feels too alien.

It's kinda like sitting on your hand, letting it fall asleep and then touching yourself. The fact that it is another person makes me feel uncomfortable and disgusted. It's like someone sharing your toothbrush to me.

It also doesn't help that penises and vaginas aren't really that photogenic as well. I don't really like the fact that a penis is just this twitchy meat sausage thing and vaginas has a bunch of flaps.
>>
Show me an attractive asexual person, and I'll believe that it isn't a meme.
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>>5681078
>implying any pic won't be torn to pieces because 4chins
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>>5681078
I am going to post the most chad-like and stacy-like pictures I can find of asexuals.
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>>5681078
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>>5681078
https://youtu.be/9eUfSocTX7c
This dude could be drowning in pussy and dick
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>>5681078
The dude that wrote Lawrence of Arabia is kinda dapper, I guess.
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>>5681078
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>>5681078
Most likely
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>>5681155
>>5681159
>>5681174
>>5681196
>>5681224
>>5681261

I lied, I still don't believe asexuality is a thing. You are probably just low-energy people with hormonal deficiencies.
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>>5681299
okay, mate. You do you.
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>>5681299
>give me proof
>is given proof
>I still don't want to believe
scully pls go
>>
>>5679629
Honestly, you sound like someone who shouldn't be dating an ace person.

The fact that you describe your lack of sex with them as something that bothers you, that something that isn't working, and that you even use the word "broken" (even with quotation marks), all come across as a really gross way to look at your relationship.

If I heard my partner speak about me/our relationship the way you do about yours, I'd be gone.
>>
So guys, if I got a bf, would my obsession with fictional characters subside? Seriously, I wanna know.
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>>5681299
You're free to believe what you want, but it sounds like you think asexuality is low T or something. But there are asexuals with normal or even above-average testosterone levels, so it's clear that isn't the case. And asexuality isn't low sex drive, some asexuals get horny and feel a desire to masturbate fairly frequently, they just don't want to engage in sexual activity with anyone, and this isn't due to any 'external' reason (difficulty interacting with/understanding the opposite sex, fear of rape/stds/pregnancy, being celibate for spiritual reasons, etc). Low sex drive is pretty easily treated, but that treatment won't "fix" asexuality.
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>>5682612
Why are you obsessed with fictional characters to begin with, would you say?
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>>5681299
Trump, you son of a bitch, I already told you I am not low-energy. Did I tell you about that time I stabbed someone?
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>>5682612
Depends on why you like those characters in the first place
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>>5682719
>>5683027
It's obvious, isn't it? I prefer fantasy to reality.

I just wish I could love irl guys the way I love the ones in chinese cartoons...
>>
>>5684447
That's fine, I had an imaginary gf or waifu some years ago. it was some cartoon character I kept as desktop background I sometimes air-kiss, and of course every time she appears in the cartoon. If you can harness the power of your mind you can make yourself believe it's real and give you that funny feeling inside. If I mention it somewhere online, people usually notice that it won't work out because you can't have sex with it. Well, I suppose that one doesn't matter.
>>
Asexual is caused by these treatable conditions:

1) Hormone deficiency
2) Sexual anxiety
3) Crippled self-value
4) Nutritional deficiency
5) Chronic depression
6) Low sex drive
7) Autism spectrum disorders

If you haven't ruled out these things, you don't have some special new sexuality that has never been consistently recorded before this fucking century, and has additionally never been recorded without compounding factors. There is zero scientific proof of the lack of sexual attraction as a distinctive trait in isolation of all other variables. None.

Go back to Tumblr, shitcunts. There's no A in LGBT.
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>>5684929
Nobody cares faggot
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>>5684929
Well it's a state of being. Who cares if it's treatable or not? Despite the help doctors have given me, I'm still not wanting to have sex.
Knowing it could be different doesn't suddenly make our lives different.
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>>5682436
We've been married for years. She didn't even realize she was ace until a year or so ago. I spent a long time hoping it was something she'd get over with time and help. All we knew was that she was abused by a doctor as a kid and whenever we tried to get sexual, she turned into a traumatized 11-year-old.

We're both in therapy, she with a trauma specialist. Maybe it's just classic codependence, huh? I've done years of soul searching on this, and I've decided to stick with her.

We had a seasoned therapist tell us once that we've been through enough shit to destroy 10 marriages, but somehow we're still together, and a lot happier than most couples she sees every day. That's gotta count for something.
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>>5684929
>Asexual is caused by these treatable conditions:
>1) Hormone deficiency
>2) Sexual anxiety
>3) Crippled self-value
>4) Nutritional deficiency
>5) Chronic depression
>6) Low sex drive
>7) Autism spectrum disorders
Those things can cause "asexual" behavior, i.e. lack of interest in sex, but that's not the same as asexuality (which refers to an actual sexual orientation, not just low sex drive or avoidance of sex for "external" reasons). There are asexuals who lack any of those conditions you describe, and doctors generally do not regard asexuality as something that should or can be "fixed".

>that has never been consistently recorded before this fucking century
The first serious evidence of asexuality turned up in Kinsey's research back in the 20th century. Before that there was NO real scientific study of non-normative sexualities.

>There's no A in LGBT.
We've been over this before. Moot really intended this as a general GSM board, but nobody would have recognized that acronym.
>>
>>5685063
All that is to say that you have no idea how gross and fucked up that part of me/her/us is. Acceptance hasn't come easily, smoothly, quickly or comfortably for me, and I still deal with frustration and hurt. But I say "broken" in quotes because I know lots of people would call it broken. But their "broken" is our version of normal.

You know, kinda like what many would say about asexuals generally.
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>>5648899
What map?
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>>5685579
Ah, found it!
>>
S-So, how do you realize whether your attraction to someone is completely sensual, or if it still has sexual undertones?
Lately I've been thinking about that stuff, and I feel like that in the past I have used these two interchangeably, and therefore thought of myself as sexual. I know I am sensually attracted to certain people, and I would be willing to engage in sex with them, but it's kind of a neutral thing for me. I don't get all hot and bothered thinking of it, and I would be just as fine with a sexless relationship. At least, that's my stance on it when I think of it; I'm not sure if I might find it more erotic should I actually enter such a situation.
I guess gray ace might be a more fitting term to describe myself?
>>
>>5607366
>I don't really understand why dominants like doing that sort of thing.
Dom here. I like doing it because I like to see the responses of my partner and sexually please them. I feel like if I were the sub I would be on the more sexual side of the spectrum, since it'd be my body that should react to physical stimuli. As a dom I can still do that stuff regardless.
>>
It doesn't exist
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>>5685728
Grey-A sounds like a good one. Because you want to think in functionality.

Would you be happy in a relationship with a sexual, having frequent sex?
Would you be happy in a relationship with an asexual, having rare or no sex?

Because you're trying to describe to the person you're talking to your preferences.

>>5685813
>He wrote Anon in the name field
I smiled.
>>
>shitposting in /acegen/
>>
my gf told me recently she is asexual. i am VERY NOT asexual.

we have done sex stuff before she told me this. she said i never made her feel pressured and she just wants me to be happy, but doesnt get anything out of it. i replied saying i have a very high sex drive and she started crying saying she felt like a bad partner for not telling me sooner and didnt want to disappoint me

i dont think i can continue to date her. i just feel awful for getting her in sexual situations she didnt want. we both want different things. and just end up feeling bad about not wanting what the other wants. I feel like an asshole though. She is a really amazing person. We talked about how nothing is wrong with wanting sex or not wanting sex, and neither of us are like, at fault for anything

I think she suspects I want to break up, and I feel like a jerk. I do wish she'd have told me when we started dating (which wasn't too long ago) bc I wouldnt have dated her

Am I a bad person for wanting to break up with her for this?
>>
>>5635972
sounds like lesbian bed death. I knew a lesbian who became a nun because of that.

>>5644251
I am the same fucking way. Its why people say I am such a terrible kisser but the things I don't mind doing in the bedroom...heh. Now if only I could actually enjoy it.

>>5654824
Wish I knew only other option is to find another ace but that is insanely hard.

>>5679561
I heard many of them end up fucking their clients. Its why actual shrinks hate them so much.
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>>5686305
nope.

Sex is the grease for the wheels and gears of a stereotypical romantic relationship. Without it things go to shit. Which is why it bothers me when a sex repulsed ace things its a good idea to go with someone who is straight and then get all butthurt that it doesn't work out. Not to mention the poor straight person who gets screwed over like that.

A non sex repulsed ace can at least bite the pillow and keep their partner sexually satisfied if they are willing to work at it. While it will certainly cause some problems but at least its doable.
>>
>>5685063
>>5685137
I still think the way you're talking about it is gross. If she's fine with it, that's all that matters, but I wouldn't want anyone to speak of me that way.

>>5686405
As a sex-repulsed ace who has only ever dated non-ace folks, I'd appreciate it if you didn't assume all of my partners were "screwed over" simply by my existence. Just because some non-ace people can't date a sex-repulsed ace person doesn't mean that's true for all.
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>>5686672
>I take everything super personally
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>>5686305
I'm sorry you had to go through this. You're both being very mature, though, with recognizing that it's neither of your faults.

I'd suggest you move on.

>>5686405
How are they supposed to do it then? Sex isn't really an appropriate topic for the first date. I figured it was along the lines of other sexual incompatibilities. Like if one was super kinky and hated vanilla and the other was the opposite. That'd be incompatible and they'd be unhappy. But how are they supposed to know that right away?
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>>5686350
Lesbian bed death isn't real. It's scientifically bunk, and we've known that for three centuries. But if you cared about such silly things as scientific results, you would have gone to a doctor already for your fakeass non-sexuality and become a normal person free of your cheaply treatable condition.
>>
>>5685064
>kinsey
>valid

No one cares about your moot-centric conspiracy theories, faggot. No one wants you here and your sad general isn't even just off topic for the board, it's full of people having all kinds of sex and sexual desires.
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>>5687156
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Hi I'm quite new to this thread, just wondered if anyone has had a similar experience to me, or if you have any idea regardless. At university there were only two girls I was comfortable around, and I only found out much later than they are both asexual. It's seems like too much of a coincidence. Is something about asexual people that makes them less threatening (for lack of a better word) that our subconscious picks up on?
>>
>>5687139
If asexuality really was a "cheaply treated condition", those who are asexual and don't want to be wouldn't be asexual anymore. But they're a group that exists, some have even gone to doctors to get their sexuality "fixed" but it doesn't do anything.

>>5687156
>>kinsey
>>valid
It may have not been really deep and analytical, but it was the first serious study of sexuality. And even back then there was some evidence of asexuality, clearly it's not a new thing at all.

>No one cares about your moot-centric conspiracy theories
Yes, statements about the board's purpose by the people who created it are just "conspiracy theories". Until hiroyuki makes a statement on this board's topic and clarifies what exactly is meant by "LGBT issues" and "LGBT community", moot's statement on the purpose of this board still stands.

>it's full of people having all kinds of sex and sexual desires.
Some asexuals are in sexual relationships and are willing to have sex if their partner wants it, despite having no desire for sex themselves. That's one of the things that comes up here a lot, actually, giving people advice on dealing with that kind of mixed relationship. And being asexual does not preclude one from having fetishes, like all the main sexuality terms, it refers to gender/sex (otherwise heterosexuality could mean you want to fuck different races/species!). It just means you're not sexually attracted to any gender. What weird stuff you fap to outside of gender isn't really relevant to orientation.
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>>5688536

I have a similar experience. I'm not asexual or poly, but the only people who have ever expressed interest in me are one or the other
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>>5685952
>Would you be happy in a relationship with a sexual, having frequent sex?
Would you be happy in a relationship with an asexual, having rare or no sex?

I'm pretty sure I'd be fine with either. The sexual component doesn't dictate my happiness in a relationship, it's the romantic attraction that does.
Though I am unsure if I would participate in the sex for my own sake, or primarily my partner's. I would enjoy pleasing them and since I am not sex repulsed, it wouldn't influence me negatively as well. Then again, I don't know if I would find it that erotic myself. I rarely get horny either, and if I am in the situation where I long for someone's touch, I think of cuddling or caressing them, instead of imagining sexual scenarios.
>>
>>5689488
>>5685952
I thought I could get away with having frequent sex for my partner's sake. But it turns out that people don't like it when you treat sex as a chore, even if you do it right on schedule and without complaint. It turns out I am really bad at humoring people and making them think that this mind-numbingly boring thing we do, often late at night when I just want to sleep, was the one thing missing from my life.

Sexuals have this insane kind of psychological warfare that they use on you. It's not enough that you do what they ask because it's the cost to be paid for the parts of the relationship you do want. They want you to want everything they want, exactly as much as they want it, FOR ITS OWN SAKE. It's like if I told someone "Do the dishes, but only because it's always been your innermost desire to do dishes." Fuck you. I'll do the dishes, but not if you degrade me like that.
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>>5689682
My experience has more been around secuals basing their self worth around their sex life. If they are sexually desirable, they consider that a part of their worth and identity.

Plus is isn't fun to make people do what they don't want to so. Like this anon said.
>>5686305
>i just feel awful for getting her in sexual situations she didnt want.
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>Valentines coming up
>Nobody to snuggle with

Wat do?
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>>5689847
I suggest investing in daki.
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>>5689949
Explain plz
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>>5689847
Where are you located? We have a map here >>5602982
>https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=1764048&add=1#

I'd cuddle you, Anon.
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>>5689682
Sexual dating an ace here.
For me personally, sex is supposed to be this fun, messy thing that two people do together because it feels good to themselves, feels good to make their partner feel good, for the oxytocin release (that rush of affection and trust caused by this neat little brain chemical), and simply because they both want it. If the other person isn't into it, I'd personally just rather it not happen.

I was fully prepared to give up sex when I started dating my SO. Sex is awesome and beautiful (to me), and while I still don't fully understand what it truly means to be ace I recognized that an ace might have a very different viewpoint on sex; and I'm okay with that. Sex isn't the end-all be-all in a relationship. There's still the romantic, intellectual, emotional, and physical/aesthetic attraction. Along with all the non-sexual intimate things we do that still gives us that rush of trust and affection.

We haven't been dating for more than a few months, but I can see myself with this person for the rest of my life.
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>>5689949
>>5689984
Dakimakura, a body pillow. Pic related.
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>>5689836
>If they are sexually desirable, they consider that a part of their worth and identity.

That's psychotic. I don't want to fuck anyone; do they think that means everyone is worthless?
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>>5690031
How to explain how aces see sex? Okay, imagine a band who play the most inane, unlikable shit you've ever heard. Then imagine an inexplicable number of people listening to it and appearing to love it, even to be moved by it. Imagine Nickelback playing to a sold-out stage, or Coldplay at the Super Bowl. Imagine the Gathering of the Juggalos. That's sex to us.
>>
>>5689682
It seems that situation is different to the one I described. Sex is neither a chore nor mind-numbingly boring to me - as long as I feel at least some sort of attraction towards the person I participate in it with - but still probably less erotic than it is to most people.
>>
>>5690333
I dunno, I enjoy sexual things when they happen. I just don't have any active desire for them to happen.
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>>5690397
You sound to be much more greyA or a sexual with a low libido than full asexual.
>>
Where would you guys say sensual attraction turns into sexual attraction?
Like with all that BDSM talk in this thread, it seems like it could be quite borderline between the two. Is it about when genitals come into play? Personally, I do enjoy my girlfriend biting my neck or scratching my back, but I don't feel the desire for her to actually perform "traditional" sexual acts to me.
>>
>>5684720
>That's fine
Well no, it's not. The whole point of my post is that I want to be able to feel strongly about someone who is actually flesh and bone.
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>>5691908
If it would count as rape or sexual assault if she decided later that she didn't want it, it's sex. If it would just be regular assault, it's not sex.
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>>5691908
As a grey-A I know what sexual attraction feels like. My motivations for BDSM feel nothing like when I have a small sex drive.

I'll give you some things about how it makes me feel and what I've heard other people say:

For subs
>comforting
>validated as having done good
>relaxed- letting someone else call the shots
>physical highs: adrenaline, blood rushes from being choked, subspace

For Doms
>respected
>powerful
>in control of situation
>the managed knife's edge of letting go, losing control of yourself
>physical highs: also adrenaline, primal feeling when inflicting damage and from holding someone's life and livelihood in your hands

Etc

Both sides are very thrilling. There's a lot you can do that have nothing to do with the rise of a boner and release of cum.
>>
>>5693317
It's funny, but subs and doms often get the opposite of the feeling they're looking for, in my experience. The sub is really the one calling the shots, and the dom has to do all the work. The dom has to do exactly what the sub wants, though the sub usually expects the dom to know what that is in advance rather than giving orders during the act. It's understood that the dom can very easily get in deep trouble if things go sour. If the dom revokes consent and walks away, the dom is seen as foolish and indecisive, maybe even emotionally abusive for giving mixed messages and failing to satisfy their partner. And if the sub revokes consent, of course it's because the dom was being physically abusive.
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>>5690405
Then I guess for you it's more like some friends make you go to some concert by a band you've never heard of and they're all right but you'd never want to go except to have something to do with them, and if someone implied that this band was the one thing missing from your life you'd rightly be insulted.
>>
>>5693411
I'd feel pretty ambivalent desu
>>
It's probably a good time to think about a theme for the next thread. I kind of had a feeling that this one wasn't going to last quite until valentine's day.
>>
>>5693996
We actually chatted pretty significantly!
We should definitely include the map in the OP next time.
>>
>>5693996
Considering how long the last thread went, I'm surprised this one lasted short a time.
I think the shitposters helped that
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>>5694037
I've tried working it in but had failure in doing so. It's too tightly packed. The OP is good as-is, whomever posts just needs to make the first post the map

Also, topic idea: maybe a friendship edition? Nice contrast to the romantic stuff
>>
>>5694469
Hm, what kind of question should we say about friends?
Like maybe-

Do you think you put extra effort into maintaining friendships to get your emotional intimacy through those means?

Shit idk how to phrase that.

Or

Did any of you do anything special for your friends to show your platonic love on Valentine's day?

Or just
How do you show your platonic love for your friends?
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>>5696238
"Friendship is love, too! How emotionally intimate are your friendships? (How) Do you show your friends how much you love them?"
May go over the character limit but it could be edited
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>>5697315
I'm poly and tend to fall in love with my friends. I decided against telling them to avoid awkwardness, the only one who knows is my SO who shares the same friends

>tfw life is suffering
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>>5697315
>tfw aro and got fucked up forever thinking that my platonic love + sexual attraction equated to romantic attraction/love
It'd be so nice to be aroace now that I know I'm not just a shitty/broken person
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>>5698524
Yeah...
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>>5697315
So are we going with this? Any objections?
Also, I'm proposing using the image from the Wikipedia page for platonic love
That or a picture of Play-Doh but people might not get that
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>>5702728
I like the topic idea!
I've always wanted to have the OP be a diagram of asexual reproduction, but that doesn't really have anything to do with friendship.
Maybe the OP after next we could talk about having kids and then it'd be relevant.
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>>5702728
Yeah go for it
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>>5702728
>That or a picture of Play-Doh
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>>5702795
Keep it in mind, and repost it when the new thread is about to die. I think that's a good idea

NEW THREAD
>>5703645
Thread replies: 315
Thread images: 49
Thread DB ID: 500565



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