Valentine's Day Edition
Non-sexual and platonic intimacy; how do you express it?
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>So, what exactly IS asexuality?
There are two commonly used definitions, the first (from dictionary.reference.com):
asexual (a-sek-shoo-el) in medicine
3. lacking interest or desire in sex
And the second (from asexuality.org):
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction
(to prevent confusion; latter preferred)
If it helps, asexuality is recognized in the DSM-V: "if a lifelong lack of sexual desire is better explained by one's self-identification as 'asexual', then a diagnosis of... [male/female sexual/arousal disorder]... is not made."
>Okay, so, that didn't actually tell me anything.
So you want to read more about asexuality. Cool.
If you want science:
If you want popular articles/videos/websites:
AVEN - The Asexuality Visibility & Education Network (asexuality.org)
Asexuality 101 (asexualawarenessweek.com/asexuality-101/)
Letters to an Asexual (and other relevant videos) (youtube.com/user/swankivy)
>/acegen/ halp! I think I might be asexual!
Do either of the above definitions apply to you? Both? Yes? No? Not sure? Start by asking yourself whether or not you experience sexual attraction as it is described here: http://imgur.com/pdIxHYc
Hey, we're pretty chill, so if you've got a question: ask it.
Just don't hold it against us if we take awhile to get back to you; we're the slowest general on the board.
This is spookily relevant to my interests.
I'm not an ace, but my new SO is. We've been friends for a few years previously and I already knew they were asexual. While this doesnt bother me, all my previous relationships have been sexual to some degree.
I was hoping you all might have some ideas or suggestions for some non-sexual intimate activities. I'm sure i'll get a much better idea of what sort of things they'd like personally after we talk about it, but I'd really like some sort of base of ideas to work with.
tl;dr- What are some non-sexual activities you consider intimate?
>Non-sexual and platonic intimacy; how do you express it?
Here's a thing from tumblr (I know), what do ya'll think?
>I've got the issue of really enjoying BDSM, psychologically, not sexually at all.
>Never in my life have I even thought about sex when fapping, (nor liked the actual act obviously), but somehow, I still do have weird-ass fetishes that make no fucking sense.
>I, too, am all too familiar with that feel.
>go to /d/, get told I'm too asexual
>come to /acegen/, get told I'm too sexual
>think I'm asexual
>have strange fetishes
>realize I'm going to have to have sex or compromise for a poly relationship
>realize I'm probably going to have a depressing romance life until I die
Woah! Hello kinky ace anons! What do you like?
>where are you from
Maybe someday I'll find someone who will do weird shit to me without them needing sex all the time.
Okay what the hell, I made a thread to continue from the previous and I made it this morning after not seeing a thread, but suddenly this one is apparently there even though I used the search.
I no longer trust computers.
Cuddling, cuddling, cuddling, and snuggling
I don't see why not
I don't feel like sharing what I like because I've actually said enough identifying information at this point that someone could probably figure out who I am if they really wanted to. What I will say is that it's probably on the kinkier end of things, and is actually definitely kinda sexual. Not a non-sexual thing. Which is confusing to me. I don't get it.
>not learning to tango with partner
>not learning to chacha with partner
>not hard core almost sex cuddling
>not carrying/picking up/swinging partner around
>not karaokeing with partner
Step up senpai
Hey aroanon, I wouldn't mind having some aro friends. I'm grayro myself. Hit me up if you feel like it!
Dang, you the one in Brampton?
But yeah, I'd be down for hanging out. Have you heard of Ace Toronto? They organize meetups and panels and stuff here. You should totally come by one day, if you do wanna meet some ace peeps. My contact is in my map entry. Shoot me a line!
It's okay, Anon. I forgive you. It really isn't that big of a deal. Please don't feel bad.
>jerk off every day
>ocassionally imagine myself with a person I know
>never think of them sexually outside of those moments
>not actually sexually attracted to them or anyone (I've never looked at someone and thought wow they're hot I want me some of that)
I have no idea if I'm ace or not desu
I ship these two markers.
Go forth and cuddle.
Hm, maybe the attraction would pick up if you were turned on? Have you ever gotten intimate with someone?
But I suppose it comes down to, are you happy with that? Do you want to try the sex or a relationship or do you not really care if it ever happens?
You could try and see. Or don't and do other things with your life.
I have had sex before and it was actually with one of the people I'd think of
I didn't really enjoy it physically or mentally
If I got told I'd never have sex again it really wouldn't bother me at all
its called loneliness
happened to me once,i did't even like him it was just my brain thinking stuff
got away after i accepted i don't like him,its just my brain and started ignoring it
>What do you like?
Mostly petplay and rope bondage.
>Maybe someday I'll find someone who will do weird shit to me without them needing sex all the time.
M-me too, anon. Me t-too... One day I'll be living the dream...
Can you be a mostly asexual but a litle straight?
like i've never jerked off to either men or women but i think that if a girl was sucking my dick i'd prolly get somewhat turned on. It's almost as if my sexual orientation is unrevealed since i've always been a virgin faggot with no girl acquaintances.
I feel some level of attraction to women but very very small, and it depends largely on the day.
Oh shit i ain't the only switch!
...not like i ever get the chance to switch but still. You would think enjoying a variety would be easier then harder.
Oddly I don't have any specific fetishes but at the same time I never had any problems taking part. Good thing too considering my performance issues as a ace. People are so much more forgiving on that sorta thing when you don't mind their fetishes...
Its all the same thing to me really. The kinks, fetishes, and sex. Somehow brain doesn't differentiate and gives 0 fucks about it all. Means no matter what kind of fetish or kinky sex they want to me its all the same fucking thing.
Its weird and ended up making me a de facto switch in the process.
eh is it sexual attraction? Be aware the body reacts to stimuli despite one's orientation or permission.
hey im aro but sexual, although i have no sexual interest in people who don't have sexual interest in me. even if i had sexual interest with someone previously, as soon as they confirm they aren't into me i lose it completely. anyway i really want some aroace friends cause im beyond tired of being pressured for lewds. can i add myself to the map?
Toys. Toys became my very helpful friends when dick failure occurred also hands.
Basically what i would do is rely upon my hands and toys to squeak by when I was suffering performance issues.
Being an ace made sex a nightmare for me despite the fact I had no aversion to it. I just found it troublesome but luckily the no fucks given about whatever fetishes and kinks went a long way to compensate for it.
For me as an ace it came down to giving literally 0 fucks about sex, fetishes, and kinks. Kicker is though while I didn't mind any of it neither did I particularly enjoy it. Which made performance quite the problem.
Location is southwest.
Truthfully I've never actually met another ace irl only online.
That shutdown ability is a useful thing to have.
wait wait wait.... are y'all telling me there are ace doms that like using sexual toys on people? but no PIV? am i reading this right?
is it really that rare of an "ability"? i just don't understand people who lust after people who clearly don't want them. it feels so disgusting to me, like thinking about sex with a parent. buhhuhh
What never heard of femdoms? Plus its not like a male ace dom can always keep it up with ease. That shit is pain in the ass. I envy non ace dudes for their easy boners. Lucky fuckers and its not I have a pair of tits so I don't have the whole vagina excuse.
Its very rare. Most people aren't able to shutdown stuff about themselves like that. I can do it to a degree but not in sexual attraction which I don't experience to begin with. Kind of a mute point.
Its very rare. I've only heard of a few cases most of which were online and niche related. Its why saying exist like on how if people could choose who they love things would be much easier.
Kicker is they can't but unlike them I am able to shutdown my interests in people. Makes things easy when something doesn't pan out or someone proves to be a disappointment.
Yours is unusual the first I heard of. All the other ones I heard about weren't able to shut that down and in fact supposedly that is the hardest to shake. You can supposedly hate or be disgusted by someone but still desire to fuck them.
Your ability is extremely rare.
I have a tricky time with my sexuality. I am sexually attracted to women, and romantically attracted to men and women, but I have no interest in sex beyond experimentation to see if I can develop an interest. My sexual attraction to women is disconnected from a desire to have sex with women, so my fantasies are ... essentially entirely fetishistic. I do enjoy cuddling, kissing, and other ways of being intimate. If cuddles get a bit lewd, that's fine, but bringing genitalia and/or anal into the equation kills it for me.
Would I fall under the asexual umbrella?
Sure, I'd say so. In practice and sex-having desire, you're essentially asexual. You're not full blown textbook asexual, but you could totally use "gray-asexual" or the like.
I think of it like this: "asexual" is just a shorthand to communicate what you do/do not want out of a relationship. It helps people understand the expectations.
Say, if someone was celibate, I'd prefer they to call themselves celibate or practicing abstinence. Because this implies that they're forcefully struggling with the desire, and typically expect sex after marriage. I'd prefer to know those things.
You're welcome here.
copying my post from the BDSM thread:
Im a heterosexual cis male but I am indifferent to tits vagina and ass. I only like feet and femdom, but absolutely no regular sex. I feel really weird and alienated. Any deviants like me? I feel like im in some strange hell between being sexual and asexual.
I know I don't belong here since im not asexual but where the fuck do I belong.
I don't want to be forced to have sex, I don't want to force any asexuals to have sexual activities related to my fetishes, and I don't want any future sexual partners to cheat on me.
What do you hope to do with feet, foot jobs and stuff? Do you still have a desire to get off? How often?
You can hang out with us. Some of us even have sex infrequently. Of course you wouldn't be compatible with someone sex-repulsed, but if you find an ace like >>5626704 >>5627110 this anon, who doesn't mind sex, or like some of our other kinky anons.
Do you do it as a sub or as a Dom? I'm a sub female ace who would probably do well in a relationship with someone with low/no sex drive. I can't handle medium/high sex drives (I tried, it sucked. Literally. Hah. Haha.) but I'm not sex repulsed so I can put on a show for someone now and then if they want it.
I was curious. What does our romantic demographics looks like?
I consider myself biromantic. I wonder sometimes if that's because I don't feel sexual attraction. I feel the same way towards both genders, so I don't really feel the need to exclude one for my romantic options. Anyone else feel similarly?
I made up a straw poll so we can find out.
I'd love it if you made a post here to tell us what you think of your romantic orientation. If you're homo/hetero, how do you feel about your non preferred gender? What does it feel like to not want a romantic relationship with them?
Here's the straw poll:
I do feel kinda bad for /d/erailing the thread. To my non-kinky anons--I'm sorry.
Well hey, maybe I can actually answer the thread question to make up for my debauchery?
Platonic intimacy? Well, I do like cuddling, and though I am touch averse with people I don't know well, I can be very touchy with people I AM close with. I'm really close with my little brother, for instance, and he and I snuggle quite a bit while watching tv and stuff. (Honestly, he's still a baby to me...)
I can also snuggle with my best friends, and we'll hug a lot and stuff, or I'll pepper our conversations with physical contact when it gets intense, e.g. "Omg, anon, no way, you did NOT do that! *touches arm*"
>I do feel kinda bad for /d/erailing the thread.
For being the anon who initially brought it up, I regret nothing! Muahaha!
But no really. It feels so validating to not be alone in this.
what's the sauce on this? It's adorable and semi-accurate.
While they didn't really understand sexuality in the same way we do we have a lot of early and later church writing about how while non-procreative sex is in and of itself bad having sex with men is an especially worse sin.
Looks like the style of Humon comics. She's a Danish girl who does fun historical comics called Scandinavia and the World. Humanized countries. She does other comics too. She also did that series about animals who have weird sexual patterns, like hyenas having dominant females with big hemiclits and make seahorses being pregnant. It was represented with big pink people for the ladies and big blue people for the guys.
It's mostly because people don't like being given general identities. They want something that explains themselves in detail.
So instead of asexual, you get "autochrissexual" and such.
It's like someone dividing the zodiac into further categories like "taurus rising" and "eighth house scorpio" and shit
I get off regularly like once every 4-5 days to pornography where there is strictly fetish stuff and no sex.
I am a sub of course.
To be honest I never jacked off to any foot job clips and I never fantasize about footjobs but I never tried it so I am not really sure, but so far I am indifferent to footjobs.
I'll spare anyone who's reading too much information and just say I prefer doing things with my mouth and hands and I like a little bit of psychological domination.
Haha i feel like a total degenerate and a deviant
I think it's more that our post-post-post-post-post-modern post-post-post-post-deconstructionist, liberal society has destroyed every boundary and means of identification so the new generation has to start construction walls to live in but they're doing a terrible job.
I'm interested, honestly!
I wonder if any other aces have ended up like me, but I find sexuality endlessly fascinating. I think it's really interesting all the strange ways humans amuse themselves!
I didn't understand standard attraction and ended up doing a lot of research on sex when I was going through puberty and my friends were all being horndogs.
I ended up with a sub fetish too. It makes sense that we'd be more comfortable with the idea of someone using us to please themselves rather than someone trying to figure out the confusing ways to get us off.
Thank you for everyone who has voted so far!
It's interesting how we don't have any homoromantics yet. We also have quite a few girls here! I wonder what will be the top winner at the end.
Reminder about our map too. It's easy to make markers, and you don't need to include contact if you don't want to.
It's here! >>5602982
yeah i was hoping it would be a tree too cause it'd be funny with oakland and all that. i applied to evergreen so if i decide to go ill be moving to olympia! it that does happen it'll be in a couple months but it be nice to meet you and have a chat or something.
>be in college
>date same girl for 2+ years
>tfw haven't had sex in 3 months
>and each time I try, she says she's "just not into it right now"
>but insists she's still really attracted to me
>tfw we didn't really have sex more than once a month for the past year
>but had crazy monkey sex the first year of dating
What do I do? Is it possible she's ace but doesn't realize/won't admit it? I've tried asking before and she insists that it's not that - plus aforementioned monkey sex.
Jesus this thread is moving quickly. H-have we succeeded as a thread?
I chose m/hetero, but I'm not entirely sure. At the present moment that's what I think it is, but to be totally honest I have very little clue as to what it really is.
My feelings toward my non-preferred gender: I don't actually know, I haven't really thought about it all that much, desu. For me I think I would just moreso prefer a relationship with a girl than a guy, but I think that's mostly because I'm more comfortable around girls than guys in general and can easier imagine spending my life with a girl than a guy, but I'm not totally opposed to spending it with a guy. However, I think I'm far more comfortable cuddling with a girl than with a guy for some reason. All in all, though, I'm just confused by what my romantic orientation may be so I just rarely think about it.
Also, wow, I'm kinda surprised by the lack of homoromantic people. Though, I guess maybe there are fewer asex homorom people that have figured themselves out, perhaps?
I find sexuality to be a fairly fascinating thing. I have some cognitive dissonance caused by simultaneously wishing that sex had nothing to do with life in any way shape or form and by extension wishing it would cease to be a topic in the world, and with being, to some degree, really interested in it in somewhat fetishized ways.
either >>5636079 or maybe they just had a super high libido to begin with but it's kinda tapered off? I hate to pull the "low libido" thing, but maybe that's it. Not saying they aren't asexual, but rather that maybe they don't realize it and/or they just had a really high sex drive for a while, perhaps caused by being excited about the beginning of the relationship?
Wait that sounds like >>5636079 again.
I don't see "aroromantic" anywhere in there.
>will never have rape thoughts
Best sexual tbqh ham
I'm so sick of sexual and gender identities. People can't even explain what gender is, like I don't think gender even exists at all it's just what sex you want to be or what sex you are okay with but all this made up genders that aren't sexes is bullshit, you can't be something that literally isn't real. Obviously there is male, female and intersex, but there isn't sexless half male half nongender part bazooka bullshit.
I identify as a ditto these days.
I don't know what gender is, I'll kiss anyone, and I'm not monogamous
someone with more experience than me please explain the following:
I got a whiff of my roommate's odor and l of a sudden I really wanted to cuddle him or hug him and that didn't quite going away
What the fuck is going on
>You're experiencing attraction
Any idea what kind?
Also I don't think I like it. Not in this particular instance. He's a good friend, and also incredibly straight. Please tell me there is a way to make this stop
Huh, thought I might ask here.
Well thing is, I am not sure if I experience sexual attraction towards anyone.
I'm straight, I have liked boys but even if they were pretty forward I always refused to sleep with them.
I sometimes imagined having sex with the guy I liked at the time, but the thought did not arouse me. It felt more like a chore, like I was trying to condition myself into thinking it would be great. It felt way better thinking about just cuddling, kissing at most.
I don't feel disgusted by sex, I even think it could be something to do with a partner but it just isn't the thing I think about if I like someone.
Is it possible I just, as they say, don't know what I'm missing? Should I try to get some experience before saying it's not for me?
Except that not a single sexual thing went through my mind, only hugging and cuddling. I know it isn't sexual but I don't know what it is
And it isn't that I want to jump them, just curl up next to them
I call that sensual attraction.
My view point is to try sex if you're curious and don't if you don't care.
Think about you, what you want out of life and what you want to be happy. Are you happy without it? Then don't worry about it. Does the question tear you up at night? Have sex and find out.
But maybe think why the question is so important to you. Are you basing your value as your ability as a sexual partner?
If you don't figure out why you want to know, you might get caught in a loop.
>What if I just need to try sex?
>I didn't like it. What if I just didn't connect with him? Maybe I should try again with someone else...
Loads of things. I'm fairly certain that isn't sexual, though. There is absolutely no desire to have sex with him or anything, just cuddle up to him or something. Nothing more than that.
It's weird, but that isn't sexual.
Though I think it's definitely sensual attraction which is still a weird thing
I don't agree with the other anon who thinks you're having sexual attraction.
I know your feeling well. Of seeing/smelling someone and having a deep desire to hug and hold them. Sometimes I have that feeling with my brother!
I understand what you mean by smell. I feel like a bit of a creep but when I find a shirt or jacket of some close friends of mine, I love just breathing in their smell. It overwhelms me with this feeling of contentment, and desire to hug them.
I'm grey-A and I've felt sexual attraction before. I've had sex before. And this sensual feeling is not the same as sexual attraction.
What do you guys think of using OKcupid to make friends? I messaged a few people with similar interests as mine just cause I'm ronery and want new friends, but I wonder how it'll be received. Surely not everyone on there is thirsty af... right?
W-will I ever be in a sex-less but kinky relationship, /acegen/?
>i applied to evergreen so if i decide to go ill be moving to olympia!
Wow, that'd be awesome!
Evergreen has a beautiful campus. Let me know if you end up going! We'll get some legit Washington state coffee. Well, I'm more of a tea person honestly but we've got tons of tea houses too.
I had a funny thought today. I'm not sex repulsed. I don't particularly want to get stuck where I'm having sex all the time, but i could see myself being with someone with a very minimal sex drive and put on a show for them every month or so.
But kissing? Absolutely revolting. Mashing mouths and swapping spit and the texture of someone else's tongue? It makes me shudder. I have kissed several people in an attempt to feel something from it. It's just terrible.
I'm not trying to force myself to like these things now that I've accepted that I'm ace. But I do find this humorous.
you keep saying "ability" and "shutdown" like it's something i consciously do. it's not. i can't help who i am or am not attracted to. people who aren't into me are just not attractive.
hmm don't see an A there for Asexual... hmm no P for Pansexual either... no B for Brony... no F for Furry
Stop latching onto us and get china moot to make you your own board where you can bitch to each other about being lonely but having no sexual feelings.
This is not an asexual board.
I've never believed in asexuality. I think it's simply people who are scared of intimacy. Every single asexual person I have met is like scared of their own shadow.
I just don't think it's actually a thing.
i think thats just normal for some people. who find someone new and you just cant get enough. you seem more bothered by this than her tho, and if she notices it itll detract from your attractiveness
/lgbt/ is meant as a general category for gender and sexual minorities, not a strict set of categories. And there's literally no point in having a board just for asexuals, that's overly specific to the point of being ridiculous.
Filing false reports, or announcing that you've reported a thread, is a bannable offense. Are you really so triggered by the existence of our one little thread that you're willing to get banned over it?
Are any of us aces here actually in happy sexless relationships?
Though I guess part of the reason I come here is because I'm lonely. I'd probably not be here as often if I was with someone.
I just realized that someone from Maryland put themselves on the map.
Somebody from the town I first lived in.
Somebody close to my age.
Maryland anon, there's a slight change we went to the same school at some point.
There's no point in thinking about it. When there's a time you feel like trying sex for once, you'll see how it is, no point in forcing yourself into it; but no point in saying it's definitely not for you either. Young people are too keen on putting labels on themselves nowadays. Your attitude towards sex seems pretty weird though, as in, first imagining it and then thinking it'd be a chore. Maybe you just feel sex is degrading or animal-ish or whatever.
Anyways, I think you should just take things as they come. I never felt sexual attraction toward anybody, didn't imagine myself having sex etc. and for a long time I didn't even feel romantic attraction, but then I got a few crushes and lately I even got a crush where I honestly think "I want to have sex with this person" for the first time. If you put a label on yourself beforehand you may have problem accepting a change if it happens.
We met on OKCupid!
He's not ace, and we went met and I explained to him that I was, he said that he would probably be fine with it, and we're going on 7 months of being very happy together. As far as intimacy goes, I'm fine with cuddling/kissing, but not much after that. Early on in the relationship, I basically told him that he can touch me anywhere that isn't covered by clothes, so it's very easy to understand my boundaries. He likes to masturbate sometimes while we cuddle, and I'm okay with that, though the couple of times he's gotten semen on me have made me freak out a bit, hahaha.
He's very sweet and understanding, and I feel very lucky to have him in my life.
How can I fix myself? All I want is a normal relationship that doesn't peter out and die because I can't provide sufficient sexual attention. It's so necessary in the modern world it's ridiculous.
Interrogate all you want!
We haven't had too many issues. When I first brought it up, he did ask some of the typical questions that can be frustrating (e.g. "how do you know if you've never tried?"), but he was very receptive of my answers and never really questioned them.
I think the only real argument we've had about it was when we first started dating. If we were cuddling, and he got an erection, I'd just move away slightly because I don't really want to feel that pressed against me. And he would get upset because he can't really help getting them at times. But after a long conversation, I explained that it's not him that I'm trying to get away from, and that while I don't mind him touching himself near me or anything, I just don't want to be in contact with his genitals.
I'm kinda curious more about your aversion to genitals and semen.
So does that mean you're a sex repulsed type? Can you tell me more about what you feel when you're in contact with genitals, and the parts of it you don't like, and maybe more about the why you don't like it?
It's fun hearing about all the different types of aces there are. I'm not a sex repulsed ace so I'm not relating to your experience, so I like understanding where you're coming from!
We're the same but different.
Yeah, I would definitely call myself sex-repulsed.
It's almost like a combination of nausea and fear. The fight/flight part of my brain just starts yelling "get away!" at me. And I wouldn't really say there are parts of it I don't like, rather that I just don't like the entire experience as a whole. As soon as my brain thinks of a situation as sexual, it becomes an issue. It honestly just feels like a very instinctual thing for me.
One thing that's very neat about the ace community is how varied we all are! It makes me wonder if other communities are the same, but maybe it isn't discussed as much because there isn't as much self-reflection happening there. Most aces I know went through months/years of self-doubt and examining every part of their sexuality to figure out if they were ace, whereas most non-ace queer folks I know may have spent a bit of time thinking about it, but they didn't have to put their every thought through the ringer to come to that conclusion.
>tfw experience little sexual attraction to anyone or anything
>at most have an "I'd bang that" with kind of a neutral look at it
>have crushes really easily on guys and girls
>get turned on by fetish porn still, basically the only thing I can get aroused to
>when I was with my ex, I'd basically want to fuck him all the time
>get aroused by other people talking about their fetishes as if I have that fetish as well
What the fuck
I'm so fucking confused.
Oh yeah, and
>every time I had sex I'd be more aroused by the thought of being so intimate with another human
>basically get aroused by romance
Is this normal at all? Because what the fuck
I think that sounds pretty normal for a sexual. I'm thinking evolutionarily, and it makes sense for you to be turned on by feeling close to and trusting someone. Because that means you can trust them to protect you, take care of the baby, etc etc
It kind of sounds like what some people define as demisexual, but functionally you sound sexual. Because if you got into a happy relationship, you'd be able to keep up sexual relations.
Not her, but I'm definitely that too. GF being touchy-feely is meh, I can tolerate it, but anything with her parts fills me with an immense fear and disgust that I can't quite explain. I wish it was different.
Anytime! What I do is focus not on nitty gritty definitions, but what it implies functionally. What are you trying to get across to someone?
Identifying as asexual is important for me to get across because it means I cannot keep up a typical sexual relationship.
Think of it like this: me saying to a sexual, "I can't date you because I'm asexual" is the same as someone saying to a straight, "I can't date you because I'm gay."
You don't need asexual identifiers because you can still have a normal relationship.
That actually makes a lot of sense! Thanks. I'm not sure how it got as fucked up as it is now.
>tfw one of my best friends says she's demi and all I can do is just nod and smile while I cringe internally
I can't wait until we get over this awkward and bumpy phase of progress where people grossly misunderstand what sexuality even means. Keep spreading the good word, Anon.
As long as I don't have to hear it. The "splortch" sounds make me want to puke. She also does stuff that's really out of character whenever we're doing anything and it makes me really uncomfortable not being able to predict what she's gonna do. Usually, we're goofballs who love to laugh at stupid shit but she gets so damn serious and forceful with sex and I have no idea what she's trying to do half the time. It's jarring, to say the least.
>hanging out with a dude
>watching movies and shit
>feel uncomfortable when he cuddles me
>feel even more uncomfortable when I realize that he wanted more than just cuddling
>this isn't going to work out at all
>do the "fade away" and break contact with him
I just want to watch dumb movies with a person. Why did "netflix and chill" have to become a thing?
I feel you.
I'm currently dealing with a guy who got a huuuge crush on me. The first time he asked me out, I didn't feel comfortable saying I was ace. I let him down easy by saying "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." I had recently gotten out of a multi-year relationship with a guy who said he was okay with me being ace. He wasn't. So I don't want to do that again. I'm being honest saying I don't want a relationship, right?
He took us hanging out, me laughing at his jokes, and hugging good bye as "Wait does that mean she wants a relationship NOW?"
I've finally told him that I'm ace and but the damage is done. He spent so long convincing himself that my friendliness was flirting that he was crushed.
He says he can recover and become friends again but I honestly don't believe him.
I don't get pining. Why is it is painful to be friends with someone you want something more with?
I do consider myself romantic, but I just don't get it.
Is it just sexual desire? Wishing to be physically close to the crush? Or are they also upset that they aren't emotionally closer? Why can't they be emotionally intimate as friends?
Damn, I feel you, I honestly don't get that too.
I never really went trough any suffering because of this kind of thing when crushing and always found it weird how much people seem to get fucked up thanks to that. I think the only time I felt a bit bad for it I wasn't feeling very well mentally, so whatever.
There was a guy I talked on the Internet and was friends with previously who I ended up rejecting last year and then he did some really crazy shit, probably as revenge. I really can't fathom why people would get that fucked up simply because of something like that, although he was way more idiotic than normal.
I remember I've said I was ace to him one or two times a long time before he confessed, but didn't make it clear if it was a joke or not. Later a friend told me the guy said to him that "she thinks she is asexual, I'm going to make her abandon those tumblr thoughts". I'm pretty sure he thinks ace = aro, which makes all his butthurt due to being rejected even weirder.
I feel you, mang
>say you're ace
>people take it as a challenge
>just try to be friends
>friendliness is seen as sexual interest
I see it as the contrast between the person's fantasies and desires and actual reality. This contrast causes frustration.
An example of this would be if a person dreamed of being beautiful and would buy all the best products and undergo the best surgeries.
However, when they looked into the mirror, they still looked the same.
Or perhaps someone working very hard to lose weight and they seem to not lose a single pound.
It's basically the inability to reach one's desired goal.
Idk, a even. I've given up on intimacy and love. Too much trouble to explain, why even try?
/lgbt/ is meant as a general category for weird gender and sexuality stuff, that's pretty much how moot described it. /gsm/ would probably be a better description, and would have prevented /lgbt/ from being the first board with more than 3 letters, however it's not nearly as recognizable as /lgbt/. And the board name length is now a moot point (lel) now that hiroyuki's added /news/ and /trash/. The board rules just talk about "LGBT lifestyle" and "LGBT community" without going into detail as to what those things specifically entail.
Does anybody have tips on how to turn down people or explain why I don't want sex?
I just tend to say I'm not interested but that tends to take me as a challenge. Should I just just I'm asexual? I feel like that wouldn't help either.
Man that's really pushing it. I don't think gender has anything to do with lgbt. Really it should have been lgb, since trans is something completely different, but hey I get it. Gotta latch onto something bigger to achieve more mainstream acceptance. Still sucks and is funny imo.
Anyways, back to /trash/ with you!
>Man that's really pushing it. I don't think gender has anything to do with lgbt. Really it should have been lgb, since trans is something completely different, but hey I get it. Gotta latch onto something bigger to achieve more mainstream acceptance. Still sucks and is funny imo.
Gender is basically in there because normies have usually considered trans people to be "super gay" and obviously sexuality has to do with what genders one is attracted to.
The first one, it's really no different than a sexual turning down someone they aren't interested in. Are you a girl or a boy?
On the second, are you talking about discussing sex within a romantic relationship?
I'm a girl and I'm mostly just talking about random people that are interested in me.
I know it's generalizing, but I just feel like it won't work with the average person since they'll probably want sex.
>any possible issues
I struggle to imagine what issues those could be.
My family have never asked about how often I have sex. Nor have they suggested entering a sexual relationship with me. Because both of those things would be really fucking weird.
"This is my boyfriend" is fine, "this is my boyfriend, and I have very little interest in touching his genitals" is not needed.
Are you aromantic too? I could understand your desire to stop them from saying like, "When are you gonna get a date?"
For that I would just leave it at layman's terms. "I don't really care about dating." "I'm happy being just me! I'm whole, there's no 'other half' I need."
Don't fall in the trap of playing along. When someone says, "There's someone out there for you!" Don't say, "Maybe." Instead say, "Eh, whatever!"
It feels little but I'd say the things like that are what will make you feel more genuine when talking to your friends and family.
>it won't work with the average person since they'll probably want sex.
What's the 'it' here? Relationships? Or rejection?
On rejection, you've just got to stand your ground. Assholes who don't back off with your initial no are the kind of people who would consider asexual conversation "therapy" a good idea. It won't change anything if they know.
Be firm and use language without loopholes. If you say "I'm not interested in a relationship" they'll take that as "not right now" and try again later. Or they'll try to have something with you that isn't considered a 'relationship', assuming you're just scared of commitment.
For the first time, say "Sorry, I'm not interested." in the normal polite way. If he presses, look him directly in the eye and say again in a polite tone "I'm not interested." Make sure not to use too much apologetic/submissive body language on this second one. Don't shrug. Don't let out an uncomfortable chuckle. Don't do the apologetic expression of concerned eyebrow, head tip, slight smile.
Just stare into his soul. If you're going to make an expression do the eyebrow raise, tight smile, pointed eyes that says "Okay?" or "Well?"
I've never had someone not back down from that. If they don't, they are a creep and you should leave and be with a friend/witnesses.
You don't need to explain yourself. You shouldn't explain yourself. It only gives him fuel to argue with your rejection. Your explanation is "I'm not interested." Your reason is "I'm not interested."
If he presses on why, if he insists, just be a broken record. Keep repeating it. Give him nothing. Do not budge. You are not interested and that's all he needs to know.
Thanks, anon. I guess I just have to get more of a backbone when it comes to people asking me out.
Oh, and by "it" I meant the relationship itself. I know people have needs and I don't really want to going into a relationship that's bound to fail due to a lack of something I'm not willing to give.
There's no A in LGBT. When you grow up a little you'll be ashamed you wasted so much time pretending to be such a perfect little snowflake and thank the day you finally decided to just go see a sex therapist.
All of you have a treatable dysfunction. It is ridiculous that you equate it with immutable states like LGBT.
There's no such thing as sex between two men or two women! When you grow up a little you'll be ashamed you wasted so much time pretending to be such a perfect little snowflake and thank the day you finally decided to just go see a sex therapist.
All of you have a treatable dysfunction. It is ridiculous that you equate it with immutable states like race.
>There's no A in LGBT
We had this discussion earlier, the fact that it's not included in the acronym really isn't that relevant when it's clear moot really intended this to be a GSM board (but he chose /lgbt/ since most people haven't heard of GSM).
>All of you have a treatable dysfunction. It is ridiculous that you equate it with immutable states like LGBT.
If asexuality was treatable, surely it's something we'd have heard about already? Asexuality isn't low libido, it can't be fixed just by taking a few pills, unless those pills are some secret miracle drug nobody knows about yet.
Haven't been to one but they probably just help you with your problems just like a therapist would.
So if you were to come a sex therapist with problems wanting or enjoying sex, you would probably just talk about your problem together as you go towards your goal in a healthy way.
SO of an ace here.
Cuddling has gotten a lot of attention here, although not everyone gets that cuddling with your partner with absolutely no chance of it leading to anything else can be frustrating as fu...well, as no fuck.
I mostly just get off to porn on my own, but she's open to minimal participation (I grind on her leg) where she can touch or hold me if it occurs to her. This works pretty well for me since by the time we're together like that I'm so hungry for that kind of intimacy, I get off in a matter of minutes.
In theory, she's willing to do manual/insertion stuff (though not oral), but it's very procedural: She has no sense of rhythm or flow or connection; the kind that can make or break a musician or dance partner, as well as a lover. It still bothers me from time to time, both the sex part and the dancing. :)
For us, a lot of the intimacy comes from conversation, trust and spiritual connection. We 'get' each other in ways nobody else does. Could we find others who get us just as well? Maybe, but we love each other enough that it's worth the sex part not working. We've even had other couples say they're jealous or inspired by our relationship. We're comfortable enough with the "broken" part of our relationship to just look at each other with a raised eyebrow, like "If they only knew".
By the way, when I say " spiritual", I don't mean like going to church. I mean this feeling we get when we're together sometimes, that we somehow belong together. According to what, or who, don't ask me, we just belong.
Sharing is another big part of intimacy with my ace partner. This might sound like a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised by how much you don't share in your relationship, whether it's thoughts, feelings, worries, dreams, food (or food preparation), things you do for fun. Sharing stuff in your life together like that builds the kind of intimacy that you just don't have with friends and acquaintances.
Pic unrelated, I just like it.
As corny as it sounds, I've heard exercising together can be a pretty intimate experience: You're already in a relationship together and, presumably, excited about each other. Add in the best and the sweat, the pheromones and the endorphins, the flushed skin, the elevated heart rate, the kind of shared looks that you can only share in certain physical states: It's one of the most sensual non-sexual things you can do together.
This also applies to hard work: One of the times I felt most intimate with my partner was when we were coming in from weeding my grandmother's garden all day. She had dirt up to her knees and green up to her elbows and damp hairs coming out of her ponytail, she was breathing hard and wiping sweat off her forehead which left a smear of dirt. That was a moment of intimacy we enjoyed together that you learn not to take for granted when you're partners with an ace.
>can't give up sex
Definitely worse. It's a hunger that doesn't go away and you end up pressuring your SO for it. Even if you're alone, it's still constantly with you.
Speaking from my partner's experience: It would be just fine if it never came up again, because the pressure for sex is all external. If she puts up the right (?) boundaries, it's never a problem.
>cuddling with your partner with absolutely no chance of it leading to anything else can be frustrating
It's funny, cause for me, cuddling with a sexual is super frustrating.
I can feel the tension. The heart rate rising. It makes me anxious. Sometimes I even get scared. Its not a meaningful reasonable scared. I understand logically that I'm not gonna get raped or anything.
But I feel bad for causing the other person so much bad feeling. I want to relax and be lazy, they want physical activity. It's incompatible. And that's so so sad.
>How do you do that?
How does a gay dude make it so he does not want sex with women?
How does a lesbian make it so she doesn't want sex with men?
I'm gay and I always crave sex with men. I don't get how straight guys don't even see how sexy men are and don't want to have sex with them.
The question you're asking is quite silly.
For me, sex is something that is vulgar and uncomfortable. I don't like the feeling of something inside of me. It feels like some kind of parasite is inside of me moving around. And someone else touching my genitals feels really wrong. The fumbling around is too distant from my own experience and touch and it feels too alien.
It's kinda like sitting on your hand, letting it fall asleep and then touching yourself. The fact that it is another person makes me feel uncomfortable and disgusted. It's like someone sharing your toothbrush to me.
It also doesn't help that penises and vaginas aren't really that photogenic as well. I don't really like the fact that a penis is just this twitchy meat sausage thing and vaginas has a bunch of flaps.
>implying any pic won't be torn to pieces because 4chins
I am going to post the most chad-like and stacy-like pictures I can find of asexuals.
This dude could be drowning in pussy and dick
Honestly, you sound like someone who shouldn't be dating an ace person.
The fact that you describe your lack of sex with them as something that bothers you, that something that isn't working, and that you even use the word "broken" (even with quotation marks), all come across as a really gross way to look at your relationship.
If I heard my partner speak about me/our relationship the way you do about yours, I'd be gone.
So guys, if I got a bf, would my obsession with fictional characters subside? Seriously, I wanna know.
You're free to believe what you want, but it sounds like you think asexuality is low T or something. But there are asexuals with normal or even above-average testosterone levels, so it's clear that isn't the case. And asexuality isn't low sex drive, some asexuals get horny and feel a desire to masturbate fairly frequently, they just don't want to engage in sexual activity with anyone, and this isn't due to any 'external' reason (difficulty interacting with/understanding the opposite sex, fear of rape/stds/pregnancy, being celibate for spiritual reasons, etc). Low sex drive is pretty easily treated, but that treatment won't "fix" asexuality.
Trump, you son of a bitch, I already told you I am not low-energy. Did I tell you about that time I stabbed someone?
That's fine, I had an imaginary gf or waifu some years ago. it was some cartoon character I kept as desktop background I sometimes air-kiss, and of course every time she appears in the cartoon. If you can harness the power of your mind you can make yourself believe it's real and give you that funny feeling inside. If I mention it somewhere online, people usually notice that it won't work out because you can't have sex with it. Well, I suppose that one doesn't matter.
Asexual is caused by these treatable conditions:
1) Hormone deficiency
2) Sexual anxiety
3) Crippled self-value
4) Nutritional deficiency
5) Chronic depression
6) Low sex drive
7) Autism spectrum disorders
If you haven't ruled out these things, you don't have some special new sexuality that has never been consistently recorded before this fucking century, and has additionally never been recorded without compounding factors. There is zero scientific proof of the lack of sexual attraction as a distinctive trait in isolation of all other variables. None.
Go back to Tumblr, shitcunts. There's no A in LGBT.
Well it's a state of being. Who cares if it's treatable or not? Despite the help doctors have given me, I'm still not wanting to have sex.
Knowing it could be different doesn't suddenly make our lives different.
We've been married for years. She didn't even realize she was ace until a year or so ago. I spent a long time hoping it was something she'd get over with time and help. All we knew was that she was abused by a doctor as a kid and whenever we tried to get sexual, she turned into a traumatized 11-year-old.
We're both in therapy, she with a trauma specialist. Maybe it's just classic codependence, huh? I've done years of soul searching on this, and I've decided to stick with her.
We had a seasoned therapist tell us once that we've been through enough shit to destroy 10 marriages, but somehow we're still together, and a lot happier than most couples she sees every day. That's gotta count for something.
>Asexual is caused by these treatable conditions:
>1) Hormone deficiency
>2) Sexual anxiety
>3) Crippled self-value
>4) Nutritional deficiency
>5) Chronic depression
>6) Low sex drive
>7) Autism spectrum disorders
Those things can cause "asexual" behavior, i.e. lack of interest in sex, but that's not the same as asexuality (which refers to an actual sexual orientation, not just low sex drive or avoidance of sex for "external" reasons). There are asexuals who lack any of those conditions you describe, and doctors generally do not regard asexuality as something that should or can be "fixed".
>that has never been consistently recorded before this fucking century
The first serious evidence of asexuality turned up in Kinsey's research back in the 20th century. Before that there was NO real scientific study of non-normative sexualities.
>There's no A in LGBT.
We've been over this before. Moot really intended this as a general GSM board, but nobody would have recognized that acronym.
All that is to say that you have no idea how gross and fucked up that part of me/her/us is. Acceptance hasn't come easily, smoothly, quickly or comfortably for me, and I still deal with frustration and hurt. But I say "broken" in quotes because I know lots of people would call it broken. But their "broken" is our version of normal.
You know, kinda like what many would say about asexuals generally.
S-So, how do you realize whether your attraction to someone is completely sensual, or if it still has sexual undertones?
Lately I've been thinking about that stuff, and I feel like that in the past I have used these two interchangeably, and therefore thought of myself as sexual. I know I am sensually attracted to certain people, and I would be willing to engage in sex with them, but it's kind of a neutral thing for me. I don't get all hot and bothered thinking of it, and I would be just as fine with a sexless relationship. At least, that's my stance on it when I think of it; I'm not sure if I might find it more erotic should I actually enter such a situation.
I guess gray ace might be a more fitting term to describe myself?
>I don't really understand why dominants like doing that sort of thing.
Dom here. I like doing it because I like to see the responses of my partner and sexually please them. I feel like if I were the sub I would be on the more sexual side of the spectrum, since it'd be my body that should react to physical stimuli. As a dom I can still do that stuff regardless.
Grey-A sounds like a good one. Because you want to think in functionality.
Would you be happy in a relationship with a sexual, having frequent sex?
Would you be happy in a relationship with an asexual, having rare or no sex?
Because you're trying to describe to the person you're talking to your preferences.
>He wrote Anon in the name field
my gf told me recently she is asexual. i am VERY NOT asexual.
we have done sex stuff before she told me this. she said i never made her feel pressured and she just wants me to be happy, but doesnt get anything out of it. i replied saying i have a very high sex drive and she started crying saying she felt like a bad partner for not telling me sooner and didnt want to disappoint me
i dont think i can continue to date her. i just feel awful for getting her in sexual situations she didnt want. we both want different things. and just end up feeling bad about not wanting what the other wants. I feel like an asshole though. She is a really amazing person. We talked about how nothing is wrong with wanting sex or not wanting sex, and neither of us are like, at fault for anything
I think she suspects I want to break up, and I feel like a jerk. I do wish she'd have told me when we started dating (which wasn't too long ago) bc I wouldnt have dated her
Am I a bad person for wanting to break up with her for this?
sounds like lesbian bed death. I knew a lesbian who became a nun because of that.
I am the same fucking way. Its why people say I am such a terrible kisser but the things I don't mind doing in the bedroom...heh. Now if only I could actually enjoy it.
Wish I knew only other option is to find another ace but that is insanely hard.
I heard many of them end up fucking their clients. Its why actual shrinks hate them so much.
Sex is the grease for the wheels and gears of a stereotypical romantic relationship. Without it things go to shit. Which is why it bothers me when a sex repulsed ace things its a good idea to go with someone who is straight and then get all butthurt that it doesn't work out. Not to mention the poor straight person who gets screwed over like that.
A non sex repulsed ace can at least bite the pillow and keep their partner sexually satisfied if they are willing to work at it. While it will certainly cause some problems but at least its doable.
I still think the way you're talking about it is gross. If she's fine with it, that's all that matters, but I wouldn't want anyone to speak of me that way.
As a sex-repulsed ace who has only ever dated non-ace folks, I'd appreciate it if you didn't assume all of my partners were "screwed over" simply by my existence. Just because some non-ace people can't date a sex-repulsed ace person doesn't mean that's true for all.
I'm sorry you had to go through this. You're both being very mature, though, with recognizing that it's neither of your faults.
I'd suggest you move on.
How are they supposed to do it then? Sex isn't really an appropriate topic for the first date. I figured it was along the lines of other sexual incompatibilities. Like if one was super kinky and hated vanilla and the other was the opposite. That'd be incompatible and they'd be unhappy. But how are they supposed to know that right away?
Lesbian bed death isn't real. It's scientifically bunk, and we've known that for three centuries. But if you cared about such silly things as scientific results, you would have gone to a doctor already for your fakeass non-sexuality and become a normal person free of your cheaply treatable condition.
No one cares about your moot-centric conspiracy theories, faggot. No one wants you here and your sad general isn't even just off topic for the board, it's full of people having all kinds of sex and sexual desires.
Hi I'm quite new to this thread, just wondered if anyone has had a similar experience to me, or if you have any idea regardless. At university there were only two girls I was comfortable around, and I only found out much later than they are both asexual. It's seems like too much of a coincidence. Is something about asexual people that makes them less threatening (for lack of a better word) that our subconscious picks up on?
If asexuality really was a "cheaply treated condition", those who are asexual and don't want to be wouldn't be asexual anymore. But they're a group that exists, some have even gone to doctors to get their sexuality "fixed" but it doesn't do anything.
It may have not been really deep and analytical, but it was the first serious study of sexuality. And even back then there was some evidence of asexuality, clearly it's not a new thing at all.
>No one cares about your moot-centric conspiracy theories
Yes, statements about the board's purpose by the people who created it are just "conspiracy theories". Until hiroyuki makes a statement on this board's topic and clarifies what exactly is meant by "LGBT issues" and "LGBT community", moot's statement on the purpose of this board still stands.
>it's full of people having all kinds of sex and sexual desires.
Some asexuals are in sexual relationships and are willing to have sex if their partner wants it, despite having no desire for sex themselves. That's one of the things that comes up here a lot, actually, giving people advice on dealing with that kind of mixed relationship. And being asexual does not preclude one from having fetishes, like all the main sexuality terms, it refers to gender/sex (otherwise heterosexuality could mean you want to fuck different races/species!). It just means you're not sexually attracted to any gender. What weird stuff you fap to outside of gender isn't really relevant to orientation.
I have a similar experience. I'm not asexual or poly, but the only people who have ever expressed interest in me are one or the other
>Would you be happy in a relationship with a sexual, having frequent sex?
Would you be happy in a relationship with an asexual, having rare or no sex?
I'm pretty sure I'd be fine with either. The sexual component doesn't dictate my happiness in a relationship, it's the romantic attraction that does.
Though I am unsure if I would participate in the sex for my own sake, or primarily my partner's. I would enjoy pleasing them and since I am not sex repulsed, it wouldn't influence me negatively as well. Then again, I don't know if I would find it that erotic myself. I rarely get horny either, and if I am in the situation where I long for someone's touch, I think of cuddling or caressing them, instead of imagining sexual scenarios.
I thought I could get away with having frequent sex for my partner's sake. But it turns out that people don't like it when you treat sex as a chore, even if you do it right on schedule and without complaint. It turns out I am really bad at humoring people and making them think that this mind-numbingly boring thing we do, often late at night when I just want to sleep, was the one thing missing from my life.
Sexuals have this insane kind of psychological warfare that they use on you. It's not enough that you do what they ask because it's the cost to be paid for the parts of the relationship you do want. They want you to want everything they want, exactly as much as they want it, FOR ITS OWN SAKE. It's like if I told someone "Do the dishes, but only because it's always been your innermost desire to do dishes." Fuck you. I'll do the dishes, but not if you degrade me like that.
My experience has more been around secuals basing their self worth around their sex life. If they are sexually desirable, they consider that a part of their worth and identity.
Plus is isn't fun to make people do what they don't want to so. Like this anon said.
>i just feel awful for getting her in sexual situations she didnt want.
Sexual dating an ace here.
For me personally, sex is supposed to be this fun, messy thing that two people do together because it feels good to themselves, feels good to make their partner feel good, for the oxytocin release (that rush of affection and trust caused by this neat little brain chemical), and simply because they both want it. If the other person isn't into it, I'd personally just rather it not happen.
I was fully prepared to give up sex when I started dating my SO. Sex is awesome and beautiful (to me), and while I still don't fully understand what it truly means to be ace I recognized that an ace might have a very different viewpoint on sex; and I'm okay with that. Sex isn't the end-all be-all in a relationship. There's still the romantic, intellectual, emotional, and physical/aesthetic attraction. Along with all the non-sexual intimate things we do that still gives us that rush of trust and affection.
We haven't been dating for more than a few months, but I can see myself with this person for the rest of my life.
>If they are sexually desirable, they consider that a part of their worth and identity.
That's psychotic. I don't want to fuck anyone; do they think that means everyone is worthless?
How to explain how aces see sex? Okay, imagine a band who play the most inane, unlikable shit you've ever heard. Then imagine an inexplicable number of people listening to it and appearing to love it, even to be moved by it. Imagine Nickelback playing to a sold-out stage, or Coldplay at the Super Bowl. Imagine the Gathering of the Juggalos. That's sex to us.
It seems that situation is different to the one I described. Sex is neither a chore nor mind-numbingly boring to me - as long as I feel at least some sort of attraction towards the person I participate in it with - but still probably less erotic than it is to most people.
Where would you guys say sensual attraction turns into sexual attraction?
Like with all that BDSM talk in this thread, it seems like it could be quite borderline between the two. Is it about when genitals come into play? Personally, I do enjoy my girlfriend biting my neck or scratching my back, but I don't feel the desire for her to actually perform "traditional" sexual acts to me.
As a grey-A I know what sexual attraction feels like. My motivations for BDSM feel nothing like when I have a small sex drive.
I'll give you some things about how it makes me feel and what I've heard other people say:
>validated as having done good
>relaxed- letting someone else call the shots
>physical highs: adrenaline, blood rushes from being choked, subspace
>in control of situation
>the managed knife's edge of letting go, losing control of yourself
>physical highs: also adrenaline, primal feeling when inflicting damage and from holding someone's life and livelihood in your hands
Both sides are very thrilling. There's a lot you can do that have nothing to do with the rise of a boner and release of cum.
It's funny, but subs and doms often get the opposite of the feeling they're looking for, in my experience. The sub is really the one calling the shots, and the dom has to do all the work. The dom has to do exactly what the sub wants, though the sub usually expects the dom to know what that is in advance rather than giving orders during the act. It's understood that the dom can very easily get in deep trouble if things go sour. If the dom revokes consent and walks away, the dom is seen as foolish and indecisive, maybe even emotionally abusive for giving mixed messages and failing to satisfy their partner. And if the sub revokes consent, of course it's because the dom was being physically abusive.
Then I guess for you it's more like some friends make you go to some concert by a band you've never heard of and they're all right but you'd never want to go except to have something to do with them, and if someone implied that this band was the one thing missing from your life you'd rightly be insulted.
I've tried working it in but had failure in doing so. It's too tightly packed. The OP is good as-is, whomever posts just needs to make the first post the map
Also, topic idea: maybe a friendship edition? Nice contrast to the romantic stuff
Hm, what kind of question should we say about friends?
Do you think you put extra effort into maintaining friendships to get your emotional intimacy through those means?
Shit idk how to phrase that.
Did any of you do anything special for your friends to show your platonic love on Valentine's day?
How do you show your platonic love for your friends?
"Friendship is love, too! How emotionally intimate are your friendships? (How) Do you show your friends how much you love them?"
May go over the character limit but it could be edited
I'm poly and tend to fall in love with my friends. I decided against telling them to avoid awkwardness, the only one who knows is my SO who shares the same friends
>tfw life is suffering
>tfw aro and got fucked up forever thinking that my platonic love + sexual attraction equated to romantic attraction/love
It'd be so nice to be aroace now that I know I'm not just a shitty/broken person
I like the topic idea!
I've always wanted to have the OP be a diagram of asexual reproduction, but that doesn't really have anything to do with friendship.
Maybe the OP after next we could talk about having kids and then it'd be relevant.