I figure this place is my best bet for getting a serious reply to something that's bugged me for a while about "trans identity", for lack of a better term.
I've have a number of close friends come out as being transgender in the last few years, and I've always been supportive or agreeable I guess with their new identity. The problem I have is that in every case, it's as though their entire identity is consumed by "being trans." People who I used to be able to talk to about various shared interests now only want to talk about being trans, or will only appreciate other interests through the lens of being trans e.g. if they're talking about a video game, it will undoubtedly be because a prominent character is trans. I guess I don't really understand what's happening here, and it bothers me, because I feel like I'm losing valuable friendships, and I can't really say anything about it.
Accidentally posted this to /v/ like a complete dumbass, but whatever, maybe that will generate interesting replies (or a ban) too.
This is merely my opinion but I was like that for 2 years on/off because finding out you may not be that sure about your gender and sexuality is uncomfortable and new territory and tumblr definitely fed my quota of nonsense gender politics before I decided to give it a rest. If you find you find yourself having to tiptoe around conversations just to have a basic interaction, I'm sorry bro you may have a couple of those identity politicking idiots.
Give them a little while and they'll level back out. Transitioning is a huge undertaking that literally changes your entire life, so for the first few years it's kind of all consuming. Once they get settled into their new identity and new life it'll be easier for them to refocus on other things again. Just give them some time anon
And that's it, I do feel like I have to tiptoe in conversations; I've actually taken to just outright avoiding most get-togethers with this particular group for several years now due in part to this, but I hate it. I really want to see this from their point of view. I want to believe there's some good reason for them acting this way that I'm not seeing, because they were all reasonable and intelligent people before.
I was kind of insufferable to my friends for a few months at the start of it. I just had to get out all the shit I've kept to myself for so long and talk about it. They got pretty sick of me talking about tranny stuff so often but I got it out and it helped me I think.
I needed my friend to let me know that I was being kind of a twat not shutting up about this stuff. That really helped and we're getting back to a more normal and I can finally shut up and just hang out. I do feel like I needed to vent at the time though, it helped me a lot.
2 major reasons this happens
first is that its something they are new to. This is usually a bit more introspective, they may find lots of external stuff to talk about but it usually relates to them in a feels way. its because they are looking for who they are in their identity
the other is more common in recent years with people using it as something to get attention or the fad aspect of being in the "counter culture" They will make absolutely everything about being trans and gender and all that stuff.
With your friends it could be either or. kinda have to play it by ear.
A point you could bring up is saying something like "you are just a women/man to me, The whole trans part is the least of who you are to me, Just the woman/man you are no prefix or quotation marks "
This validates the identity they are transitioning too without keeping the label of needing to be trans or "woman" etc.
That stage huh, well I'd say you are a very unlucky man as they are using you their clutch of normalcy. I had two friends who I told this to and they were very indifferent [positive indifference] and the conversations died down pretty quickly since I guess self reassurance and self validation is the core aspect to it. As much as they are you friends [or not depending how you feel about it now] you don't have to buy into every aspect of it since it is discovery period and I too have said my share of embarrassing information. You don't have to nod to everything that comes out of their mouth you don't become the emotional dump.
as someone who just started transitioning this month I can tell you that it literally becomes the only thing you can think about. I try so hard to not think about it, and go back to doing what I used to talk about (ie. games, esports, etc.) but it's like being trans and transitioning literally consumes your mind to the point that you either talk about it or silence yourself for months.
>or silence yourself for months.
22 months and counting...
Get me off this ride ;_;
Your friends are losersand they will never fully transition. They will always be "trans". Personally I have no interest in talking about with my friends outside of talking about my sex life and trying to figure out if they have tranny fetishes or not
I dunno if this is just the case for me but I completely broke off all ties with all the guys I knew after I decided to transition.
First off how in the fuck did more than one of your friends go mtf? Like is there something in the water there? And also I don't think you have anything in common any more with them. Like I said above, I cut all ties before I even came out because I only hung out with my old guy acquaintances because I was repressing.
I feel like a lot of minorities are like this. When a group feels oppressed or marginalized they will naturally band together, which helps strengthen their identity. For some people it pretty much consumes their lives. Many feminists and blacktivists are the same way, for example.
In fact, you can see this phenomenon quite well just by looking at the stormfags in /pol/.
Not just you. I stopped seeing my friends period after I began transitioning. I sorta realized that I didn't want them to keep thinking of me as a guy, and that being around them like that was painful.
Doesn't that make the whole concept of identity sort of idiotic?
i prefer not to talk about trans topics with my normie freinds. granted only a few of them know i even am trans, but i still dont really talk about trans stuff with them. usually when we talk about trans things they are the ones bringing it up.
now with a few other trans friends i have a lot of what we talk about is trans related, but we also talk about general shit too sometimes.
basically a lot of loud an proud trans people kinda want to be all about the trans shit, while all the stealth trans people only talk about that shit amongst other trans people.
No but i hated hanging out with cis men. I get along better with women and its so easy to get lost in conversations with them. Its funny, I met up with one of them last week and we went to lunch and I sat in the back of the car with his girlfriend and we talked about makeup and fashion the whole time, and when the car stopped my old guy friend looked at me as if I was a stranger and said he never thought I would become a girl.
What? I really wanted to catch up but like I dunno I just felt drawn to just girl talk with his gf. Hrt results in mental changes too so like I am not the same person I was, I can't stand guy talk.
Probably because you're just settling into your new identity and you've never experienced talking to a girl, as a girl. While "girl talk" is pretty fun, after awhile you'll realize how awesome your old male buddies really were and you'll long to have that again at some point.