How do I know that I'm really gay?
>never was really popular with anyone and my few friends were guys.
>had a girlfriend but only for a bit when I was really young.
>most of my life I've been really lonely and considered having intimate relations with the opposite sex to be impossible.
Is it possible that I was so lonely that I started reaching out sexually to my guy friend and became a homosexual out of desperation for emotional and physical intimacy? And that maybe I wouldn't have been gay if I had gotten attention from women?
I remember trying to kiss and be intimate with this guy in games and fantasize about him but I never really thought it was gay or ever thought of myself as gay.
I never really liked vaggos either or lesbian porn but I do get off to women and find them attractive.
Am I gay? Am I like actually really gay-gay?
Nothing gayer than being this insecure about your sexuality.
you don't have to be attracted to most men to be gay.
You only have to be attracted to men.
And before you ask: yes, clean shaved and smooth boyish looking men are still men. Feminine men are still men too.
>Is it possible that I was so lonely that I started reaching out sexually to my guy friend and became a homosexual out of desperation for emotional and physical intimacy? And that maybe I wouldn't have been gay if I had gotten attention from women?
There's no point in agonizing over this. Would it change anything either way?
Women are shit and you've already admitted that yourself. Just embrace the homosex.
Just do whatever you want to do man. Don't think too much about it. Gay, not gay whatever. Whatever you find yourself attracted to you should do.
Don't go in with the mindset of
>I am gay so I can only be with men
>Or I am straight I've only taught myself to like this
Notice what people you remember in public. Do you remember that hot guy you saw at the grocery store? What about that cute chick you saw jogging? Did you touch yourself thinking about either of them? Think about that.
Whatever you do don't force yourself one way or the other because "that's what I am" "Or that's what I've always done" just do you.
Friends and family will get over it if you decide to be openly gay. People do all kinds of weird shit in the bedroom. Don't prance around in assless chaps if you don't want people to see it basically.
this is pretty solid.
I don't think you can turn gay from lack of hetero attention/experience. Obviously you do have some capability of being attracted to and being with men. So it's more of - are you bi (leaning towards men, or women) or gay?
I mean, it's possible that despite this male attraction, you would feel better with a woman - which you haven't had the means to really explore thus far. But from what you're writing, that doesn't sound like the case.
Feeling that it's impossible to have relations and be intimate with the opposite sex doesn't have to be due to loneliness, too. It could just as well be impossible because you aren't wired that way.
If you're still struggling with loneliness wita resulting (I assume) anxiety, you should prioritize that, because it could be playing tricks with your brain, and it will be easier to explore without that plague.
I feel this OP, but my situation is prob different. I've always thought I was straight until the girl I was semi-dating tried to kiss me after senior prom, and I freaked out and fucking stopped her before she could. It was weird, like, the thought disgusts me then and kinda now too desu. I've had homosexual fantasies throughout my entire post childhood life, but because I also had some hetero tendencies, I signed up for team straight and tried to ignore. It all started to bubble up more and more over the past few years as I started to think harder about it, and I cannot ignore it anymore. So I guess I'm bi or something idk, but I feel gayer by the day ;_;
And I'm terrified this is all some escape/denial mechanism my brain has made up.