/lgbt/, I want my boyfriend to be more open/rely on me more for emotional/mental support.
> Been dating this guy for a year.
> Really starting to think he's the one.
> He's literally the phrase "salt of the earth" incarnate.
> Incredibly patient, kind, smart, calm, and practically skilled.
> Is fit.
> Enjoys work, also great home maker.
> Coming home and smelling his cooking has become the single most comforting thing in my life.
> Doesn't hurt he's handsome too.
> But if he has an ugly feature, it's his eyes.
> Hollow, empty, dead eyes.
> He has the thousand yard stare the way a lot of women have resting bitch face.
> The rest of his face is animate, but despite any facial expression he has, those eyes are always empty and cold.
> When he looks at you it's like he's looking through you.
> Manifest fucking existentialism.
> He comes from a seriously poor family, full of addicts and people with serious medical conditions.
> So it doesn't surprise me he's seen some shit.
> He has also said he's been through a lot.
> Never specifies what. Never unloads his burdens on me.
> " Don't worry about it. " , " I'm fine " , " It's nothing " .
> I hear these phrases regularly.
> He's still going through shit internally though.
> I just want him to let me help him.
> I literally die when occasionally he'll hug me from behind or come cuddle with me in an overly serious way.
> When he does it he won't say anything.
> He's just really intense, and there's a silent desperation about it.
> He never tells me about issues with work, bills, ect either.
I just want him to confide in me, trust me, let me support him. He's been more than strong enough for me so far. Why can't he let me carry a little of his burden too?
How do I talk to him about this without coming off in a wrong way /lgbt/? I don't want to push him too far, but I need him to be more open and involved.
Start lifting, son.
You may never be able to carry his burden for him.
But you can carry him.
Well you successfully creeped me out while managed to give me the >no bf feels.
Personally I could never date someone whos eyes never tell me what he's feeling at all times. I thus prefer guys with blue or seagreen eyes. Their souls just appear so much closer to the surface, almost as if you could touch them.
Anyway. There are some secrets that aren't meant to be shared anon. Ever.
If he's ready, he'll talk to you on his own. If you maintain a supportive air and reliable personality, I'm sure eventually he'll be ready to reveal what he's hiding. Maybe he's still testing your loyalty. Damaged people tend to do that. Prove yourself steady and continously and he'll open up. Be patient.
The person you described sounds exactly fucking like me.
I'm patient, calm, I enjoy work and fulfillment, (I think) I'm smart, but I always had this very small black hole inside me, and I could never open up to anyone about it.
I got over my fear of intimacy and opening up to others, telling the truth about my problems, through using psychedelics.
I tried therapy before I used psychedelics and it wasn't working that well, I did it for 4-6 months, something like that.
I met some friends that introduced them to me, I did LSD 3 times and mushrooms once with them, through that I learned about love and always being truthful. After that I grew a love for people, and then my life started taking off, I found a boyfriend. Which isn't like me because I am a huge pessimist and I always hated people.
You just have to make sure you use them for the actual experience and not to just get high.
Sorry for making that like a plug for psychedelics or something. I know it's DUDE WEED LMAO and sounds like hippie garbage, I get embarrassed telling people about it irl when they asked me why I changed so much because I know I sound like a dumbass.
I still have that cold dead stare though, hahaha. And I always had depression problems, I can still get in a rut, in one now.
Maybe depression meds could work for your boyfriend, I don't know. I never tried them personally.
Best of luck.
Oh also, your boyfriend might be INTP personality type, that's what I am.
Some people don't believe in that study but I thought mine was really accurate and it helped me look at how I can address some of my emotional problems.
Shit changes, maybe just give him some time.
Just be there but if you're really bothered about it, have a serious conversation with him, not about his past but about your relationship and where it is going.
Ask if he sees a future for both of you and all the bullshit touchy feely people discuss when they have doubts about their relationship.
Eventually the topic of his aloofness will surface, don't confront him, just say it worries you and if he said before he sees a future for both of you, say you'd like to see him be more open with his feeling, say you are in this relationship too and he doesn't need to carry the world on his shoulder, you can carry the world together, he is not alone.
Proceed to have amazing sex or he will broke down in tears for hours, so be prepared.
Act like an adult and stop asking random people on the internet how to solve your problems.