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What will hormones do?
I started HRT recently and I'm starting to have second thoughts about it, how can I tell if it's actually right for me?
Honestly, the biggest problem is just that it's really been terrible for my sex life. Since starting, I've had a lot of difficulty getting and maintaining erections. It's gotten really hard to masturbate, and even harder to do anything sexual with anyone else (at least anything involving my penis). My orgasms have been greatly diminished too, they feel duller and less satisfying. My sex drive has been up and down: sometimes it's at normal levels, but sometimes I have absolutely no sex drive at all, which really bothers me. Occasionally my sex drive will be a lot higher than it used to be too, which is also frustrating in its own way since it's so difficult for me to get off now.
What can I do? I try to force myself to masturbate at least once a day to prevent problems from disuse. I even stopped taking anti-androgens after consulting my doctor about these issues. It's helped a little (it's now merely difficult for me to sustain an erection, rather than impossible), but not enough. I only like girls and I can only get off from stroking my cock or sticking it in someone, and I really don't want to give up sex and stop having orgasms, but I don't want to stop taking estrogen either.
Also, sometimes I get even stronger feelings of dysphoria than I did before I started. It usually happens when I look in the mirror, everything about my appearance will just seem really off. Is that a sign that I'm not really trans?
I'm not trans but I'm trying to reacho ut for some clarvoyance, so please bare with me
I'm a gay cis male and my bestfriend is a gay trans male who's had a romantic interest in me underlying our relationship. We share a flat now and I'm not afraid to cuddle up with him, specially when i feel like he needs or clinges for it regarding daily issues or his clinical depression - some think we're a couple or act couple-like. But thing is, what sometimes gets in the way and makes topic of our arguments is the fact that I'm not interested in him sexually, although, through daily conversation, we discovered we've mutual sexual interests, almost complimenting ones.
Recently he's confronted me if I was sexually attracted to some of the trans models that are rising top the news (mtf presumably) in between androgenious guys whose presentation looks to fuck over the binary - basically to make me realise if what attracted me to these people would be their masculine traits although these are women we were talking about. I answered what I think I truely feel like: I might envy the looks, boldness and fashion of such models, but I'm not sexually attracted to these trans ladies, but maybe to some of the androgenious guys. Made me think if the gender description of someone is supposed to/can influence your sexual attraction to them.
But getting back on track, he squeezed off me to say what I like is dick. Which hurt him. Since he feels like he'll never be validated as a "real man" specially by the people he's sexually attracted to (gay males) therefore brought down his motivation and tired him down.
What do you think of this situation? What do you think I should pursue, consider or do in my situation for the best of the relationship of him and me?
How do I make myself not hold myself to a higher standard than I hold others? Mtf and I realised in the shower this morning that if I saw somebody else with my body, regardless of their gender identity, I'd find them attractive enough to fuck if I liked their personality. Yet on me it all feels so disgusting and loathable. Why am I so hard on myself, why can't I stop? Urrrrgh
that makes everything more complicated. he talks generally (he'll never be validated as a "real man") but may mean it specifically towards you ( ...validated as a "real man" by you). i can't tell you what to say to him i'm not ftm myself. if you are in love with him too or could imagine to be happy if you'd be in a relationship with him, you may want to go for it. if there is simply no attraction towards him don't do it. it's not fair for either of you.
regardless you should always (no slip or he'll think everything was a show!) treat him like you would treat any man who you are close to.
you may not be able to change his feels because trans people can be quite paranoid about not being able to be conceived as their target gender but that may often be because they themselves do not validate themselves as their target gender. that makes it difficult to change anything. but it's important that you do not at all make him feel like this invalidation is justified at all.
i hope this helps. i want to add that i know little about your situation as i can't observe it myself so you need to see for yourself how much of what i wrote applies to your friend.
Questions if someone could help someone who does not know alot about this (reading previous threads has been fairly helpful tho)
1) Is 20 too late to transition, and be able to pass. Some people are saying if you are not andro to begin with there is no chance.
Just someone tell it to me straight plz.
2.) I have GF and family and very male job. How do I tell them their masculine af boyfriend / son is trans? Should I not say anything and just do my own thing, break up with gf?
3.) I am literally a 5 7 shaved head 180lb male. I have alot of muscle mass I want to lose. I cant help but feel like my life will be so much easier just staying the way I am, but at the same time that idea terrifies me because I am sorta living a lie.
Thank you in advance
It is very possible to transition at 20 but it really depends on the person. I wish there was a straight yes/no, but it varies. I know someone who started at 22 looking pretty masculine but is passing perfectly as a girl never getting called male. Her 5'3 height definitely helped to be fair.
it's still in the early range. depends heavily on genetics though, nobody can tell it to you straight. you might get some hip growth at age.
do you want to stay with your gf? that's your decision and hers, not 4chans.
do you want to transition? if you do want to transition i'd suggest to grow your hair out and lose muscle mass. transition slowly but steadily to more feminine (if you want to be femme) without them knowing. tell whoever whenever you are comfortable to tell them but i assume it is easier to get your point across if you look feminine.
think about what makes you happier. staying and growing old as a man or living as a woman? easy or hard should only be taken into account if both choices are equally attractive or living as a woman only marginally makes you happier and isn't worth the effort to you.
2) just tell them and explain why you are the way you are right now and how it's linked to you being trans (was pretty misogynistic pre coming out and explained it to them as my way of dealing with it)
3)not rly a question, but short hair is easy pass, muscles go away but personally I would love more muscles so u do you boo
we are our own worst critic
just keep in mind that everybody else probably feels the same about themselves and you should be fine
I do enjoy his presence in my life, he's a very close friend, but not to date or anything related past it, although I can understand that outsiders may perceive we've been due to our closeship, I'd rather see that as a misconception of what friends can be. But this might be playing against me and him, since running from whatever stereotypes may be causing us not to deal with the reality of the situation maybe?
But I'm really glad for your reply, it reminded me how much respect everyone owes him specially regarding how he's treated and read in daily life. " (...) any man who you are close to " is something nice to keep in mind, since he's exactly that!
I dont want to stay with her but we have been together a long time and very close. I dont know how to explain it but I feel like I have too many personal issues I dont need to drag her into. Shes very young and Idk how she would handle.
Yes I would like to be femme. What does that involve. Hormones (which people would know I was on pretty quickly) or just not working out and letting hair grow? Its hard for me to imagine myself as feminine rn in any capacity.
What would make me happier?
Definitely living as a woman. I just dont think theres a chance of me ever pulling that off.
And Id rather have a comfy life as a man with a family and job than none of the above and not even mildly passable as a woman.
even though it scares the fuck out of me --the idea of staying like this forever it just seems like its unrealistic to me idk.
>thanks for listening btw guys
depends on why you go there. do you want to get hormones or do you want help figuring out if you want hormones?
>Yes I would like to be femme. What does that involve.
when you say that you would like to be femme you have to have a certain picture of what femme means, no? i can't tell you because it is about how you would like to behave and dress. yes long hair is generally seen as feminine. manly men can like it too though. i wouldn't count hormones in because butch women are usually not seen as femme.
>Definitely living as a woman. I just dont think theres a chance of me ever pulling that off.
you'll never know if you don't try. if your scared go for it slowly. try some things out, like letting your hair grow and stop building muscles.
i can't help you with your gf besides saying if you are unhappy with your relationship and talking to her and changing stuff won't fix that leave her. if you are not do not leave her.
a competent (in my opinion) therapist will ask you to talk about your past and how being trans has affected you, have there been signs, since when do you feel that way etc. also how you feel right now and how being trans affects you. they also look for other things that may cause trans feelings (schizo or something as an example). also what you think hrt may improve in your life and why. it's a long talk about your feelings.
Portlandfag here. I don't know of an actual "informed consent clinic" in the Portland metro area, but for prescriptions, I'd recommend Dr. Suzanne Scopes. She's a ND, not a MD, but she's very familiar with transgender care and prescribing hormones. My experience with her was great.
I'm not sure if you can just make an appointment without a referral (I did get a referral from a therapist), though. You might have to do a few visits with a therapist first. I found a therapist using this list:
Hope it works out for you.
How long does qhi usually take to ship to the US?
Is it necessary to go a month on AAs before starting E, or is that mostly recommended for people who are still unsure of their own transness?
And same question about starting with really low AA doses and slowly ramping up.
Re-reading this, I realized it might have been unclear.
When I said
>And same question about starting with really low AA doses and slowly ramping up.
>Is it necessary to start with really low AAs and go up slowly, or could I start with a more normal dose?
Oh, ok. So I probably shouldn't take E until I've built up to a "normal" dose of AA then, right?
Also, is there anything to really watch out for if I do cypro instead of spiro? I know cypro is harder on the liver, but that shouldn't be a problem for me because I don't drink.
I never understood that pic. The things on the Caterpie's head is shaped like the inside of lady parts and the thing on the Weedle's head is pretty phallic looking. Wouldn't the human versions be a reverse of what the pic shows considering the Caterpie starts out with a cooterpie and the Weedle starts out with a peedle?
Because Butterfree is more inline with the idea of femininity and Beedrill is more inline with masculinity so it makes sense. The things on their heads could maybe symbolize what they really want idk.
Considering how terrible bottom surgery is for FtM's is safe to assume there are a lot more transwomen walking around with stingers than transmen. It still seems like MtF's are the Beedrills
Well, I started seeing this therapist once a week and we talked about "gender issues" in addition to a lot of other shit. I went in there having been sure I was trans and wanted to transition for over a decade, but I'd held back on doing anything about it. If I hadn't had massive family and relationship issues going on at the time, I think we would have gotten down to business sooner. I think she referred me to this doctor after maybe six appointments? I don't know if that's normal or not. My situation wasn't exactly normal. You don't necessarily need to go through a whole lot of waiting, though. It's possible to get the process (getting referrals for hormone prescriptions and/or surgeons) started pretty quickly.
Is there anything I should know about getting HRT in NZ, especially if I want to keep it cheap and on the downlow?
Also, is there any particular way to avoid conical breasts or predict if they will occur? (Like, do they occur with people who had particular weight distributions to begin with?)
Lastly, I have a much deeper than average voice and I'm only capable of high pitches in raspy tones, where do I start with developing a decent high pitch?
>tfw not sure whether getting continually high off each dose of HRT or whether I just went over the line with the drugs last week and permanently fucked my brain up
it's been a week yet I still feel totally monged out and I couldn't answer a single question in my seminar this evening
good for dysphoria but I doubt dropping 20 IQ points overnight is good for my degree
This is why, even with dysphoria, I refuse drop hormones again. I'm pretty self-aware and they literally made me feel like hell for about 1 month. I'm content with ending up a hon. I'm just going to use my 20s and early 30s trapping like I've been doing. Not like there's gonna be any fun to have in my mid-30s anyway. I'll take being ugly then, like any adult.
How do I know this isn't just a phase? I was always a tomboy but the majority of my firends werent always male. I had more luck in guy friends than the rest of my girl firends but my firend group was pretty much filled with autists. So how do i know this isnt just a phase and if it isnt why dont i have more guy friends? Whenever I hear ftm stories theyre always like oh yh i was always one of the guys etc
I feel so bad for ftm's, mtf's have a harder time socially, hands down, but if ftm's make the wrong choice, they're stuck with a deep voice and serious bodily changes for life.
At least mtf's can get their tittats removed.
I have a few random questions, feel free to only answer those that you wish to.
1. I know a lot of trans women take biotin, but what's a good multivitamin (brand) for trans women? or if any which do you take? if you just take specific other vitamins which ones?
2. What's a good voice training/pitch app to help with voice? like to measure? or other program.
3. I'm squirreling money away and am almost ready to get FFS, who are good surgeons (In US/Canada, i'm in Canada)
4. For anyone with or had long hair, What's your routine for maintaining it's health? Also in particular, what do you do with long hair at night? put into a bun, pony etc or just let it go wild? My hair tends to have a lot of frizzyness.
Thanks in advance, if I think of more i'll post them.
>not anon you replied to
This is really bad news for me, since I've been eager to start HRT but my degree is fairly intensive.
I would have expected that simply removing testosterone and replacing it with estrogen wouldn't affect intellect...
I'm mtf, 5'10" and 10 stone exactly. I wear a size 8 (12 UK). Fat redistribution hasn't really happened yet, and I have basically no muscle mass.
If I lost more weight, or fat redistrubtion gets its ass in gear, could I get into a size 6, or am I probably fucked on bone structure?
The largest fashion houses in the world produce shoes in size 9 US, so it's not bad at all. Of course, size 8 or even 7 would be more ideal, but no use in crying over spilled milk. And if you're really desperate, there are things which are designed to stretch shoes!
It doesn't really affect your IQ or anything like that, but it can make things a bit fuzzy and make you a bit more easily distracted.
I used to have laser focus and a mostly clear head when I need to do something, but after hrt focusing became harder and harder. I didn't really get dumber, but it just took more effort to concentrate, not to mention the mood swings which were also hurt my productivity.
I did even out after a couple of years. Either that or I just got used to being like this.
So, is it mainly the changes of early HRT that cause the issues you think?
I don't have as many qualms if it's only a temporary and still minor issue with concentration, though a permanent issue would be a pain.
I'm pretty sure it was the hrt. Other factors improved after I got on hrt so it wasn't like the lack of concentration came from malnutrition, lack of sleep, or other substances. I slept much better once on hrt, and my diet remained almost the same. My general mood became generally better, but I had sharp mood spikes sprinkled through the day. Before hrt I was pretty flat emotionally, and didn't sleep well.
Overall the positives outweighed the negatives but I did end up dropping out of college during that time.
I only really have anecdotal evidence, but I have met other mtfs who have had similar experiences; difficulty concentrating seems to be a fairly common side effect of hrt.
What I mean by asking if it seems caused by the changes of HRT is if the changing process causes the issues, or if staying on HRT even after the changes have levelled out ends up maintaining the issues?
I think it is mostly the beginning, but I don't really have a way to more accurate measure since I don't do anything that requires focus these days.
I would lean towards the idea that time alleviates the issue, and people I've talked to seem to agree, but like I said; it could just be a matter of getting used to it and not noticing the difference anymore. You have to keep in mind you are drastically altering your brain's chemistry. If you would rather not risk it, I understand, but I'm sure if you are smart, focused, and driven enough to purse whatever lofty goals you've set then that won't change even on hrt.
>I slept much better once on hrt,
More like being on HRT means you get less energy than when your body was producing testosterone. Before i had the urge to go online when it was 3AM at night. nowadays i have to take a nap sometime during the day and sleep around 11PM because i have so low energy now.
self-medding 200mg spiro, 4mg progy daily atm
>absolutely cannot get physically aroused
>having difficulty focusing
>drastic mood swings
>extremely tired and lethargic, sleeping 10+ hours a day but still can barely keep my head up or concentrate
Does this mean I need to up my e dose?
I take my estradiol at 7pm, 3pm, and 11pm, and right now I take my two doses of spiro with the estradiol at 7 and 11. I was thinking it's probably better to space them 12 hours apart instead of 16/8, but I'm not sure at what exact times. Do any of you know what would be ideal?
Can you link me to some NHS document or something that proves this? I live in the countryside so they're pretty slack with procedure or anything they're not knowledgeable in unless you throw the book at them.
my best friend/bf recently came out ftm to his parents because they were catching on... not ideal and basically shit has hit the fan.
they've taken away his hormones (he has been on them for around 2 months now) and i'm worried about possible side-effects for cutting hormones cold turkey?
they've basically have had him under house arrest since i last talked to him online and they somehow managed to blame me for everything? his mom is fucking crazy.. i'm at a complete loss.... any advice or maybe even stories of parents coming around would be helpful..
i currently live in university housing so it's a little hard to do that (he just graduated). we have friends that can maybe juggle him for a little bit down where i live, but the biggest problem is that he is a good 6 hour drive away and i have no way to get to him or get him out..
i mean we're both 21, so technically he can just run but i'm not very financially stable myself so its going to be... a wild ride trying to get him down here and let him live here longer than several weeks... and on top of that its been extremely hard to try and talk to him because i have to basically talk through another friend with some coded bullshit because his mom watching him like some fucking nazi hawk in the basement.........
I'm mostly putting this out here to get my own thoughts in order, but any comments appreciated.
3 months on HRT, struggling to keep going a bit.
The good is that I generally feel better in that I feel much of anything in general. I like having emotions. I love how the skin on my face has become already, love seeing my disgusting stubble not only grow in slower but already turning light and patchy in places. My spouse says I seem to be "more myself" and "happier". I think my looks actually complement a feminine form more. Comparing photos of myself before starting I can see a difference that's hard to put my finger on, but I like it. I genuinely enjoy and look forward to more changes, but...
I'm 6'3". So I have a resonant as fuck voice. I have a long-ish neck with a big fucking golfball in my throat. Since most people are eye-level with my neck roughly I expect them to always see that. I have a very thin, willowy body type so I doubt I'll ever grow anything but microboobs but I'm also hoping for that since I really don't believe I can ever pass. There's no point in trying with an adam's apple this large. I'm so low energy now and I'm having difficulty focusing and thinking. I hate it, I really do. I want that to stop but it seems like a Sisyphean Task ahead of me.
Doesn't help I saw a mega-hon at the clinic today. Fear that I am delusional and that's what I should expect. Fear is eating me up. Fear I'm digging myself an early grave from health effects of HRT. I want to just give up and feel energetic and strong in mind again and not have to worry at all, but I just can't bring myself to. Once I was able to stop for all of a day and a half before I gave in. I don't really want to stop, but I'm afraid. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid.
has anyone had luck with ordering off random sketchy online pharmacies that say they require a prescription? I mean doesn't inhouse say they do but actually don't care?
these places are really cheap...
Search for domestic abuse charities and services and stuff in your area and report it, and/or research the laws where you live to see if there's anything you could call the cops on them for. Even if it's unlikely to go anywhere, just to get him out of the house safe for long enough to make a run for it.
I've been in a similar situation and personally, I just had to lull them into a false sense of security enough that they dropped their guard and I was able to make arrangements to get the fuck out of the area.
for a start, wear turtlenecks to hide adams apple
also choosing a style that suits your body and face type is a big part of passing, not every style of hair and clothing etc. suits every girl
look through catalogues etc. for pics of females with what resembles your body type the most, see what they wear and what kind of style they're going for, maybe you'll have to go high-fashion, maybe punkier and more sharp corners, maybe more flowery and flowing etc.
Having a long face, going ordinary average girl style with wavy locks and bangs just looked awkward on me, like, obvious trans, but I actually pass really well as a soft butch lesbian type with inch-long spiked hair. that sort of stuff is what you need to think about.
if anyone had response to this i would like to second this post... im really worried about something like this happening and really messing with me and preventing me from starting hrt
>have always had a girly face
>can't come out to parents or sibling (who is a tumbrlina) because too scared
I'm just going to continue reading and crying my troubles away, I don't know a subtle way to tell them. My hair is to my shoulder
so i started hrt
my sex drive is different.
my orgasms are more powerful. although i already had full body orgasms.
i "feel" different.
i had large lumps under my nipples from gynecomastia. they werent visible though. now the lumps have expanded and feel less dense.
i now have smooth and puffy nipples. they are sensitive. i can also experience sexual stimulation through my nipple.
im also really hungry and thirsty all the time.
and i feel fatigued.
but the reason i am posting is to ask whether these effects are too soon for three days on hormones. is this normal?
OK, I'll try here first before wasting space with my own thread. I've asked in other places but haven't gotten replies. So, I'm bio-male, but kinda consider myself some kind of genderqueer/something inbetween mess. I have no plan to transition since going that route wouldn't make me any more satisfied. Some days I'm perfectly content being male, others the dysphoria is bad. But I do ok. Now to my point.
I am very visually and audio oriented. I would like to have something to help with body image/sexuality issues when I am feeling dysphoric. I had a thought about google cardboard and female POV porn but am not sure about the best approach. Anyone tried this kind of thing to help?
sorry i dont have an answer to your questions. I havent started hrt yet, but I also had the same lumps under my nipples, they formed during or after puberty. this was before I knew i was trans and had no idea what they were or why they formed
So i'm gonna talk to my doctor about starting hrt, he's just my physician but its my best shot. I dont have any gender therapist near me or dont know how to find them if there are. so i imagine he'll refer me to someone or a endo to get me started
My question for everyone is how soon could i get started on hrt, I dont really want to waste anymore of my life feeling like this and waiting to make the change.
another question, whats a fast and healthy way to lose alot of muscle mass? I''m not a huge but my muscles are one of the only masculine feature about me, I'm pretty androgynous otherwise
Sorry to jump in, but I havent come out to my parents yet. My father has almost said nothing on the subject of trans people, or gay people for that matter. I dont think that sort of thing matters to him. my mother on the other hand is very opinionated. before my brother came out as gay, she would always comment something negative about gay people, even express that she didnt want any of her kids to be that. He came out about 3+ years ago and I havent heard her say a single negative thing about it. She has told me recently she still is trying to accept that reality about my brother. but in regards to trans I've heard her say that she doesn't understand it, and i've heard her talk negatively about trans people esspecailly celebrities like Bruce Jenner and Chaz Bono. So I myself am scared to come out to her because I know how she really feels about it, and even if she says she accepts me she'll never be open or honest to me about it. but I know she always wanted a daughter and before i was even born everyone thought i would be born a girl.
bring it on! I'm doing electrolysis now. the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain I feel.
How much will it hurt my wallet?
>>5580192 How much area can they cover in a session, I want to get a large % of my body done, and I hear they have to do several sessions before its gone
I would just stick with what other people in the community have used instead of risking it with an unknown cheaper source. I can say that i medded with inhouse pharmacy for over a year and didn't die, in fact my bloods were all in order
I think I reached a breakthrough point with my psychologist today.
For years, I've burst into treats every time I tried talking about my issue (22 years old MtF). With time, I kept crying less and less when talking about it, until now, when I don't feel any strong feeling about it anymore.
Only starting one year ago I've started asking for professional help. I guess I just needed a person to which I could tell everything, but it just hit me so hard when I realized the whole truth.
It started off like usual. Idle chatten on recent events, updates on life. Then we started talking about the blood analysis and the pyschiatrist evaluation. I started talking. And talking. And piece by piece, it was like waking up out of a sleep that lasted ages.
I realized that what I was aiming for was too much.
My delusions of teenage life as a girl when I'm already 22 were absurd.
My expectations of what surgery could do, even though my body has the inverse of a hourglass shape after starving myself 4 kilos under the malnutrition range, were absurd.
My expectations of what was actually plausible in the range of FFS were absurd.
My underestimation of the side effects of HRT was absurd.
But that was nothing, compared to the conclusion I reached.
Even if all coincidences went right, instead of wrong like they did, even if by some chance my body was something you could correct, even if some way I was young enough, even if I wasn't being hit twice as hard than anyone else by the side effects of HRT while getting half the effect due to resistant blood, it wouldn't have mattered.
Because I've already lived 22 years like this. Even if I happened to turn into a girl, that wouldn't erase my abrasive personality. That wouldn't erase my constant refusal for help, and my constant need to show independence. It wouldn't erase my distrust for life, nor make me more social, nor make me more active, nor lovable.
Even if by chance my appearance were to become perfect, I'd still be an unapproachable woman with nothing but spite towards the world, unable to enjoy even relationships with her closest friends of years now, because she is incapable of positive feelings for other people.
A woman with a personality that doesn't make you want to help her, not because you hate her, but just because she doesn't exude any kind of protection instinct. Or any opening to contact.
I'd still be my bitter self, I'd just find something else to be sad about. I could say the issue is having a dick, or not being able to have children, or my missed youth, or my lack of meaningful relationships, or ways to make them even when they're literally telling me they want to love me.
TL;DR, I've given up.
It's been one hell of a ride.
I'm not going to kill myself, it'd feel like leaving karaoke after 20 minutes when you've paid for an entire hour.
I'm just going to stop living.
Nothing in life gives me any kind of emotion, nor does any plausible future hold anything in store for me.
I used to get depressed seeing at people having such successful transitions on here when I couldn't, but in retrospect there was nothing to be sad about.
Because there is really nothing else to do.
I've reached the point where if given a genie with three wishes to make myself happy, I wouldn't even know what to say, I literally can't think of a way that would fix my life even if magic was a thing.
To make my life have even a chance I'd need one of those freak accidents were you almost die, but you survive with your brain gets damaged and your personality is randomized for reasons unknown.
Should I tell my therapist that I have an extreme fetish driving my urge to transition, where I feel like I want to become a sissy, wear short skirts and tight clothing/stilettos everyday and slut myself out to men?
Or should I just tell him that I feel like I was supposed to be a girl?
It's really not that simple.
I'm the kind of person that sees anything under 10/10 as a 0/10.
My chances of making it even as a plain woman are absurdly low.
So EVEN the most ideal scenario in which everything goes well means I'll hate myself and be furiously disgusted at my image.
It would just stress me more, and rob me of my dignity as a human being.
At least now I'm just an apathetic man, if I transition I'll be an apathetic freak of nature that people throw things at in the street.
I think you misunderstood somehow, even though I said multiple times I wasn't going to kill myself.
I just said I'd stop trying living, as in, trying to do things with my life. That's different.
I feel like I'm at the stage where I've confirmed being trans to myself (thigh that doesn't so my mind from saying it's just a fetish), and I've been seeing a counselor at my college about it (which really helped), but I'm not sure where to go for here. How do I stop all of the self-doubting that my mind does constantly, stop worrying about how people will react, and just take the next step? I feel like I could be stuck here thinking about it for months or years, and I'm almost 22 so time is of the essence at this point, so I feel like I can't afford to wait that much longer. I'm not worried about how it'll affect jobs and such after college since CmpE/CS related jobs have a lot of MtF people already. I've only got one person I'm worried about their reaction, but I can't sit here trying to please everybody in my life by putting up a facade every time I talk to them.
Also, how exactly do informed consent clinics work?
HRT will destroy your liver worse than a drinking habit, just like any kind of long term medication.
It goes without saying that you should try to stay as sober as possible since your liver will be taking a beating on a daily basis from your blue pills.-
The liver will filter anything that's going through blood, just like the kidneys.
You can't bypass it, you can just maybe lower the influence.
It won't really fuck you up, but alcohol while on HRT is a bad idea.
HRT is to dysphoria treatment like leeches are to common medicine.
In the future we'll laugh about how barbaric it was, but for now it's the only thing that can give even a slight improvement for the patient.
You can't knock it just because "It's bad". It's a medicine that goes against the very genetic makeup of your body. It's a miracle that it doesn't kill you.
What do you even mean by "goes against the very genetic makeup of your body"? Everyone has oestrogen and testosterone receptors and, beyond normal variance between individuals, respond to them the same regardless of sex (not taking into account conditions such as androgen insensitivity syndrome). There are no inherently harmful properties of the sex hormones in HRT that those hormones don't also have when produced in the body; only side effects of the delivery method (and of the antiandrogen in the case of MtF HRT).
If you take a male who is just about to start puberty and give them MtF HRT, then they'll undergo female puberty and end up phenotypically indistinguishable from a cis female with the exception of their reproductive system. The same is true for females and FtM HRT.
You're fucking deluded.
Why do you think you need to take HRT until you die?
Each one of your cells is male. Even if you start HRT at your birth, the moment you stop taking HRT you will undergo male puberty and be ruined forever. And if you already went through that, then it's too late anyway.
You never 'outgrow' genetics, HRT is like trying to grow a tropical flower at the north pole.
It only works as long as you got a shitton of unnatural factors preventing nature from working its course.
Yes, but not often, and not a significant amount. There's something said about cartilidge shrinkage in the spine for MtFs--same for how muscles between bones of the feet may shrink. Perhaps FtM might experience the reverse, but I don't really know anything about FtM stuff.
Unless you're an alcoholic, HRT is not going to be a problem in that sense.
Just always keep in mind that it's a great stress on your body.
While HRT isn't damaging IN ITSELF, it will still be a tax on your body's general wellbeing.
If there was an objective measurement of how 'well' you are physically, HRT is a -3. So you need to exercise, eat healthy, and all that jazz.
HRT won't kill you on its own, but be mindful of not helping it do so.
>Why do you think you need to take HRT until you die?
Because you don't have any way of producing the opposite sex's sex hormone yourself, and still retain your original gonads if you don't have them surgically removed. Obviously HRT doesn't change those things. It has nothing to do with being "inherently" male or female; sexual differentiation happens because of response to sex hormones (which doesn't change with sex), so if you have the sex hormones of the opposite sex and respond to them normally (which again: everyone does, excepting medical conditions), then you will have their effects.
If an MtF didn't have their testicles and stopped HRT, she wouldn't undergo male puberty again. She'd be similar to a menopausal cis woman (low levels of testosterone and oestrogen), because, unsurprisingly, she wouldn't have any way to produce large quantities of testosterone nor oestrogen in her body.
Look at complete androgen insensitivity syndrome, for example; because testosterone does not bind to the androgen receptors, and because excess testosterone is converted into oestrogen, people with XX or XY genotypes appear completely female, including the genitals, apart from having (internal) testicles and some minor comorbid issues in the case of XY individuals. XY people with CAIS have male sex chromosomes (there are no "male cells" beyond that; there's nothing inherently male about the cells in a male), but it doesn't matter because of their sex hormones and response to them. It's the same principle with transsexual HRT.
The "natural course" of things is an illusion; it follows the same rules as things do when humans interfere. If you could somehow entirely replace a male's body with that of a female (or vice versa), then it would function exactly the same as a "natural" female body; for all practical purposes it would be just as "natural". HRT does just that, but to a lesser degree.
Even people who had their gonads removed need HRT forever, because every single cell they have and every single cell they're gonna make is going to be MALE.
You're grossly uninformed. Even with gonads removed, an MtF stopping HRT will lose female traits and enter a sort of half-puberty.
Dysphoria, at least in my opinion, is largely a social phenomenon. By that I don't mean it's fake, I just mean that since it generates from social abnormalities, biology doesn't yet gave a 'proper' way of dealing with it.
Yes, that's because without HRT to provide oestrogen and without any way to produce enough of their own, they can't have the oestrogen levels to sustain them completely. It has nothing to do with being "inherently female" (that doesn't exist). If you removed the ovaries of a cis woman the same thing would happen.
I'm gonna try to see my doctor next week so I can hopefully get on hrt soon, How long does it usually take from the initial doctors visit to actually getting the meds?
I was origially planning to self med, ordered them and they just arrived. but i've decided to do it right and get my doctor involved. is it a bad idea to take the meds I have now before he prescribes it. My concern now is i dont want to fuck up bloodwork or any tests i get done, I have spiro and estradiol.
Depends where you live. For me, London, Ontario has a new program that started back in the summer to help people get on HRT within 2-3 months. No BS from Therapist or whatnot. (Even thought you still should for the social aspect.)
All I can get is 2mg progynova tablets and 100 mg spiro tablets.
I heard it's better to start on a low dose for a few weeks or months, so I was thinking of starting on 2mg E + 100mg spiro a day for a few weeks then doubling it to 4mg E + 200mg spiro if all goes well.
I just want to know is it better to have 1 x 2mg tablet and 1 x 100mg tablet per day, or should I try to cut the tablets in half and have 2 x 1mg E and 2 x 50mg spiro every 12 hours?
it depends on your goals and your knowledge of the therapist. things to think of:
>do you just want to get a prescription for hormones?
if yes, just lie
>will your therapist be a dick to you and say you don't have the problems you do?
if yes, try to find a new therapist
if no, tell the truth
if you don't know and are too lazy to find a new therapist, tell the truth
which chemicals exactly? I can't find any indication of liver problems with simple searches
pill splitter you ding dong
i acceidentally made a new thread cuz i didn't see the help general - but >>5587988
is my question
please help, reply here or there idc
strange question /lgbt/ well maybe not. I want a feminine lower body physique. hips, butt, legs, slim waist but im not lookin to grow boobs or lose too much muscle mass. i basically want to look like a tomboy with a cute pixie cut. I am pretty manly currently but am looking for options. any advice is greatly appreciated
what about possible diet changes. I have heard that herbal stuff can have the same effects as prescribed medication but as I said before the breast growth is what I am trying to avoid. Is this even possible to have fat redistribution without breast enlargement?
no not there. Mostly eyebrows, its been very effective but yes it is painful and I imagine the eyebrows and mustache woudl feel about the same. I havent had laser yet so I cant compare to that. Electyolisys is perminent, it will just take several sessions.
as for the pain its not unbearable, its like a annoying sting that lasts for a few seconds, if you've ever touched your tongue to a 9 volt battery its basically that on the tip of a needle thats poking you in the skin. sometimes it really hurts but its over quick.
Inhouse here, I too have heard some of those stories but so far everyone I know of that checked their numbers has shown they've been working.
I've been seeing a therapist for a few months and got diagnosed with anxiety and gd. I can't stand looking at women without wanting to be them and get depressed if I stare too long.
I was referred to an endocrinologist to start hormones but I have to wait a month before an appointment is available. This is the hardest month of my life and in starting to wonder if suicide would be easier.
How did you ladies and fellas cope with this?
how long have you had these feelings?
are you seriously considering transition?
if its been years and your seriously considering it, Chances are its not a phase.
for me i've had feelings of wanting to be a girl since around when puberty hit, it would come and go, but never really went away. I waited too long to come to terms with it but now i know and i'm ready.
its something you have to figure out for yourself really no body can just tell you
If you're an adult over 18, I would say it's very unlikely it's a phase.
It's true, some people transition because of serious identity issues that they've never gotten over, but it's way less common than 4chan and the mainstream media would have you think.
One thing my therapist told me which definitely helped me to come to a conclusion was this:
Picture yourself as a man. You're successful, you're popular, you're attractive, you don't have any mental hang-ups, and you've got a partner you love. Would that really make you happy? Would you really feel like yourself?
Now picture yourself in your present state as a girl. Nothing's changed but your gender. Is it any better? Do you feel happier? More normal? More like yourself?
IDK if you're still looking for an answer but I order from InHouse and its super simple. You basically just click a box that says you are supervised by a doc, no need for actual proof.
Its like ordering off of Amazon but for pills.
>Picture yourself as a man. You're successful, you're popular, you're attractive, you don't have any mental hang-ups, and you've got a partner you love.
that's dumb as shit
>you don't have any mental hang-ups
obviously you have no dysphoria then
yeah I know you _can_ get them from the usual places with no problem. I've ordered from them before.
but as you can see other places have significant price differences compared to allday, which I have ordered from before. I would much rather save a lot of money if possible. I am wondering whether in the case that other places actually do require a prescription (and don't just "require" a prescription like inhouse states) and that I try to make an order in the same way, that nothing happens except the order gets canceled
Does your argument not assume that the person has dysphoria to begin with? Wasn't the initial question about determining whether or not anon was going through a phase? I don't think your argument really applies to the question at hand.
Holy shit why do the slightest feelings of girliness make me feel so good? Is this the thing that's been eating away at me since I was ~13? The thing that made me uncomfortable with me? I always thought it was 'cause I was uncool or weak or a virgin or a nerd or w/e else. But I don't even care about those things anymore, and I still feel weird when I leave the house. Then when I mess with my hair a bit in the mirror and look kinda girly and cute I feel so happy.
>friend on facebook is asking if I'm gay
I'm asexual but I've been looking and acting more and more girly in the past few months. I'm not nearly confident enough to come out as trans yet, I don't even know for sure that I want to be a girl. What say?
Usually I say something like "Wow where'd that come from?". I look for something defensive that pushes the subject away without outright denying anything. Usually people just apologize.
Yep, the more I read about this, the more this shit seems SO crossed over with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Reminds me of the guys that will go as far as getting fucked by men just to prove they're not gay.
Can someone help me out with female voice resonance? I only recently heard the advice that it is a matter of moving your adam's apple back... is this true?
I can move mine up but not yet back, how do you learn how to do this?
It's not illegal for you to take it and possess it, but it counts as drug distribution if your friend gives it you. This is how it works in the UK, at least. I'm unsure if it's the same in the US.
for anyone who's had lazer hair removal
they say they dont do eyebrows, so i'm wondering do they do ears and nose hair Its not bad, i jsut notice my nose hairs are a little long, I just wouldl like them to hit that while they are doing my face
What the heck can I do about waxing? All the places I go to charge me male prices and its bullshit I'm rarely a tumblrina but this one thing pisses me off! Why do I have to pay $30+ for having a cock. Even on things like eyebrow wax. It's absurd!
I take hormones and I have less hair than most cis girls. It's just not fair. Even for normal cis guys, its awful. Some cis guys don't have much hair. This whole thing is retarded and I wish it was illegal to charge one gender more.
Mfw all this
No. Resonance is all about getting your voice to reverberate through the hollow spaces in your head, rather than your chest. If you try and do man voice, you can probably feel it vibrating there. Try and bring sounds forward to the tip off your tongue--imagine your voice coming out of your eyes (sounds a little strange, but it's a useful image). It's helpful to start with humming. You can feel the vibrations in your cheeks and in your teeth. Start with that, then move on to vocalising sounds. Even deep notes can resonate in the head.
I'm going to get blood work and see an endocrinologist in the next month. They're going to give me funny looks when they see I have extremely low T. I know it's illegal, but self-medding shouldn't pose me with any legal concerns with my doctors, right?
>don't want to be a faggot tranny
>constant feelings of emptiness, can't bring self to care about anything (appearance, future, etc)
>don't care because I'll never be a girl so what's the point
i don't want to be mentally ill
is quietly killing myself more honorable than giving in to feelings ?
So fucking complain. You'd be surprised what can happen.
I got my hair cut in a salon the other day, cuz I can't find a decent barber. I only needed a trim was in the chair for 15 minutes and they tried to charge me $50. I simply said 'I'm not paying that'. Asked her if she typically charges client $200/hour. After she said no, I told her to give me a better price. She charged me $20.
>tl;dr complain, but don't be an ass. Results may vary
1. How much does Progesterone affect mood? I've heard it can cause mood swings so i'm curious how I would feel without it. Would I be able to just stop taking it or would I need to wean myself off of it?
2. How do I escape this hell? I'm not gonna pass, I'll be inferior to women, I'll never be respected as a human anymore, I'll have to deal with idiots like >>5602409 my whole life. I don't want to be trans.
Just curious, in your experience what religious groups have been most accepting or tolerant towards trans people?
Which religious groups are the worst for opposing trans people?
I notice a lot of people saying they start on low dosages and then work up to a regular dosage over a few weeks or months.
Is there actually any reason or advantages to doing that?
So, I came out to my roommates as trans, and oddly they not only accepted me but now they're being pushy to come out to everyone else. I'm waiting to be able to afford the hormones, but I'm really worried about coming out to my Christian family (whom I do love.) Any advice?
Hi helpgen, not sure how to start but here goes nothing:
>male, 25, 5'7"
>andro face (soft skin, no prominent jaw/brow)
>male pattern baldness and loooots of body hair, broad, naturally muscular, very 'manbody' except more breast tissue than normal. Makes juicy pecs or little boobs when I don't have chest muscle.
Always felt like neither gender in my head, but had heaps of dysphoria all my life, starting young. Been depressed since childhood, family sucks I guess but dysphoria also seems now like something that hurt little-me's head. I would have transitioned to full time woman if I wasn't so scared of admitting it to my bigoted family and friends early. Now I just want to experiment and they get that I'm weird, though I still fear they would kill me if I was openly trans. I feel trans but I barely know what that means to me anymore. My belief is that gender is a performance with some biological tendencies, though whenever I look at a mtf transperson who has kept their penis, I feel like I see what I consider my ideal form to inhabit. Still a lot of confusion, lamenting my age and not wanting to 'waste good male genetics' (ugh).
My question: If I took hormones/meds of any type, would I be able to do any of this: keep penis function, gain more breast tissue, reduce body hair, recover head hair, not screw up my body's internal balance in case I want off the ride?
I still get days/weeks of being bed ridden with depressed dysphoria episodes so I would really appreciate any help. Thank you for existing.
How do I learn to look past the beard shadow and see a woman in the mirror? This is what my therapist wants me to do and yet I can't fucking do it. Just how far must I go in deluding myself before I can be content?
Makeup doesn't cover it. Laser/Electro isn't an option atm.
Learn to understand fully that society attaches masculinity and femininity to physical traits, they have no meaning. It's a survival mechanism that we have outgrown for thousands of years. However, it's still prevalent today and so I won't dare diminish your concerns and anxiety. You aren't deluding yourself, this is a toxic 4chan piece of jargon that all the self-haters on this board use. You must learn the truth and condition your mind away from mainstream thought. It doesn't make your problems go away, but it will be one less mental hurdle every time someone looks at you or you leave the house. Wear chunky scarves up high and look up how drag queens cover their stubble with makeup, they know the secrets. This will help you cope. Remember, your life will always be a work-in-progress, and so will everyone else's. Just do the best you can for yourself.
Girlfriend is "bi" (as in, says she is but has never been in any sort of relationship with a woman and porn with any women in it grosses her out, but not gay porn) and offered to do my makeup one time.
Should I tell her? I'm really starting to get anxious that I haven't transitioned yet and I'm worried about being alone forever. One reason I was waiting was to have sex as a man first before I lost the chance. It didn't go very well. I doubt I'd pass without a bunch of surgery (5'11", men's size 12 shoes, resonant baritone voice that I can only make sound like a campy gay guy)
You don't. You get the god damn money, take out a loan or something, and get the fucking laser. You can make yourself a woman, but you can't become one by thinking yourself into one.
>I know it's illegal
It isn't. Not in the UK at least; I don't think it's illegal in the US either. I imagine your doctor will be eager to get you on "legitimate" drugs, rather than the cheap Chinese knock-offs they assume you're taking.
I've decided I want to start HRT and self medicate (since I'll probably run into issues in my small towns system and dont want to be forced to spend more than necessary) but I was also wanting to start Finasteride for my mildly receding hair-line. Since it is an anti-androgen just like spironolactone is it recommended I don't take both along with my estrogen? Also I'm 23, don't work out much (but have started recently) I plan to order from inhouse (I hear only good things) and was wondering if theres any warning or precautions for me before I start?
>complaining about the one thing that is basically 100% fixable
How literally are you and your thereapist taking "seeing in the mirror"? Thinking of yourself as a woman in a meaningful sense despite your appearance is different to feeling that way while you're in the process of looking in the mirror and clearly seeing that you're male. Do you look feminine besides your facial hair and they're trying to get you to appreciate that rather than fixating on your hair?
When will hair removal be an option and why isn't it now?
Question on blood work. I ended up having T levels below cis women counts, and no FSH and LH, basically. Do I need FSH and LH at the expected quantities or am I okay with them being nonexistent essentially. I was taking 50mg for that blood test and halved my dosage to 25mg to see if I will still have T controlled with those levels less affected.
Sorry for a second post didn't see this thread up.
>I'm not going to kill myself, it'd feel like leaving karaoke after 20 minutes when you've paid for an entire hour.
>I'm just going to stop living.
>Nothing in life gives me any kind of emotion, nor does any plausible future hold anything in store for me.
I didn't think I'd ever meet someone I could relate to, and now when I have - I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I found this easy to use for pitch analyzing.
You can also use this if you like working in Audacity like me.
First time im actually here, but I need this advice
I know a girl that wants to turn into a guy, because she says she wants it since the start of puberty, and always felt that she needed it
But because she wants to be accepted too, she needs support for doing it.
I have talked with her for quite a while, and the only actual reason why she wants to do it is because "she feels that she has to" since the start of puberty? Should I just accept it or try to talk her out because shes a bit over impulsive because she broke up with her bf, and she said she should have done it earlier.
What exactly can I do in this situation?
[spoiler] I love her the way she is, and I feel sad that she wants to do it, she says she wont change at all but I dont think thats the case. She says she has some sort of burning hole in her heart, can I fix it or should she consider it? [/spoiler]
>"she feels that she has to"
I had the same feeling. Like I swore to myself at a young age that I had to transition eventually. So with 18 I did. For the longest time that was my biggest motivation too. And I didn't even really know why I had to exactly. But I digged a lot and I found many good reasons for me to do it. And now I'm very happy I did. Maybe talk to him a little more? He might not know exactly what pushed his feelings that way, but it's very likely some trans related issues are connected with it, even if he doesn't realise exactly what they are yet. Also seeing a therapist is very important.
Yes, yes, you can loose vellus hair (the ones that aren't black), maybe some but in the end hair transplant is the way to go, up to 3 months should prove no problem but there is a small chance to become infertile.
Talk to her and get here to elaborate (both for her sake and yours); don't act accusatory or like you're going into it not believing her. Explain how you want her to be happy and that's why you're concerned.
It's quite likely she is trans but has trouble expressing it in a way that makes sense to other people, especially considering how subjective and abstract feelings and identity concerning gender can be.
Don't assume she's being impulsive because she only brings it up now, especially when she explicitly says she should have done it earlier and has been feeling it since puberty.
>I love her the way she is, and I feel sad that she wants to do it, she says she wont change at all but I dont think thats the case.
If she is trans then it's good for her and you shouldn't feel bad. Of course it's a big change in her life and it's going to affect her as such, but she's not going to fundamentally change into a different person; she'd change in the way you'd expect when one fixes their own serious problems that impact on every aspect of their life. Of course, if she isn't trans then it's going to be bad for her.
"Burning hole in her heart" seems like an accurate description of gender dysphoria.
Thanks for this information.
I guess theres no way around it. I should really feel happy about it. If this thread is still alive later on, Im going to tell the story and want to hear your opinion.
My heart feels torn apart, but I guess this is life.
Im very thankful for your reply and for the other one I got.
Is it bad if I don't have dysphoria for a few hours after masturbating? Even though I don't have dysphoria and I'm supposed to feel good, I feel bad because I don't have it. Dysphoria feels bad but comfortable for me somehow. What the fuck is up with me? Am I really trans?
Wanking off provides you with a rush of endorphines. I think a lot of pre-trannies were borderline masturbation addicts because it does, in fact, offset the negative dysphoric feelings for a while, as you describe.
You and I are very alike! Literally everything you said is exactly how i feel. so you are not alone, I'm still on the fence about actually going through with it, but i think this year is the year I stop putting it off. I've been worried about the infertility thing too,
I wish you the best of luck
I have a few questions, aobut hormones and HRT
1. How long does it take for me to actually start HRT if say I went to my doctor tomorrow and told him I'm trans and wanna start hormones?
2. I have the very early staged of hairloss starting, Its just thinning right now just started last year. My Dysphoria and me stressing about my hair are not making it better. I hear hormones can help Finasteride is one that keeps coming up. How effective is it? I've been taking DHT blocker for a few weeks, which beleive it or not may actually be helping.
3.I have some hormones I ordered online back when I intended to self med, but have since decided getting my doctor involved woudl be a good idea. Should I take them anyway until I can get a script?
It can a while to start HRT depending on the length of time between doctor's visits. I told my doctor about it in November and I'm at least another month or two away from starting HRT.
I'm learning to raise and pull back my adam's apple to increase pitch. I can't breath when doing it, but apparently this is normal.
Will I naturally be able to breathe with enough practice or is there a step I need to take?
I didn't tell the doctor a fucking thing because I was too afraid. He incorrectly diagnosed me with body dysphoria which I can only blame myself for. Don't do what I did. Just tell it straight to your doctor that you have gender dysphoria. Ask for lab work, a psychiatrist, and an endocrinologist.
>have some hormones I ordered online back when I intended to self med, but have since >decided getting my doctor involved woudl be a good idea. Should I take them anyway until I can get a script?
I ended up telling my doc that i was self medding first visit was referred to a physician and given a script on the second visit after a blood test, it definitely sped up the process for me
How do I type girlier? I feel like 6 years of 4chan has given me the tone of an egotistical, bitter,virgin neckbeard and I just can't shake it.
You'd be surprised. Women are much less direct.
>How are you?
>I'm alright. Got a headache from babysitting though.
>How are you?
>Kinda got a headache though. I've been stuck at Joanne's house looking after little kids all day x
In more formal writing you're right that it shows to a much lesser extent, but you can see still pick up on things like "very glad" rather than "glad".
I'm wondering what the routes are for getting started on transitioning. 99.8% sure I wanna do HRT but I'd like to see a therapist first, and will have to if I want to transition with the help of doctors, if I understand what I've read correctly. The resources in the OP talk about finding a therapist directly, but I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to do here. Sorry for being such a ditz.
>Just tell it straight to your doctor that you have gender dysphoria. Ask for lab work, a psychiatrist, and an endocrinologist.
So you're saying I should go to my primary care physician and tell them?
I can't get lab work done, see an endocrinologist or start HRT without going to my doctor first (not bothering with informed consent). He referred me to a psychiatrist and therapist as well (who have both been of no help FYI). I have insurance coverage too because I'm "officially" diagnosed with gender dysphoria by my doctor.
Not sure if this is a question for this thread.
How do I find a doctor who I can straight up say "no bs, I just need you to perscribe me e and spiro"
There's so much drama that I'm not interested in going through.
Hi. I feel the need to get this out. Offer advice if you wish. I am mtf. I pass. I decided to go to a trans support group tonight. One of the facilitators was ftm. He is very far along in transition.
They brought up the topic of questions you hate. I said I hate the question when did you know cause sometimes people really want to know your narrative and are looking to judge you.
The guy says. Right there are no bad narratives.
I joke. Yes there are. Say if you tell everyone you became trans from a bee sting. The guy flips out. He gets very angry and I was honestly scared. The guy stormed out of the room and went outside. Another ftm and a mtf follow him. I knew the guy, but not the girl.
I just kinda sat there and didn't know what to do. I just felt treated in a way I hadn't in a long time. Really afraid and I had a pretty bad panic attack. I was afraid to leave while he was out there so I had to sit there while he had his violent steroid rage.
He finally came in and sat right next to me again and I just ran out. I drove around for a bit and finally got through to a friend who let me come have a breakdown at her house. I was shaking and crying. I have never fealt like this before.
Has anyone else had this happen? Just brought to tears unexpected by a mean guy? To lose control?
How do you retain personal power around men?
Also, I got a text from someone at the group. Sorry you left you missed a great group.
so, uh, taking some first steps in trying to figure out I feel about this. About, uh.. admitting maybe to myself that there is at least the possibility that I could be transgender. I've had a complicated relationship with gender for pretty much my how life; but have always been too afraid to really do much about it except fantasize, and stress. Maybe practice a little feminine expression; but only when I'm totally alone.
But the question weighs heavily on me. It comes and it goes. If I ask myself the question "would I be happier if I had been a girl all along?" I generally think yes; but the more complicated one is: would I be happier if I were a girl now? Or a year from now? But what would it take to transition? Everytime I try to do a little research it seems so overwhelming and get I scared. I don't think that I would have the strength to do it.
I have a tremendous amount of respect for those willing to transition. To experiment. To be their authentic selves, but I'm afraid that I may never do so because I've pushed this aside for too long. Too focused on why its scary. Too focused on the past of what may have been.
But I do think about it. What did it mean for the kid in elementary school to be so intrigued with having long hair. Why was his little heart set aflutter whenever someone mistook him for his mother's daughter? In middle school; what did it mean that he kept a collection of ladies clothing and practiced makeup in the attic where no one would find him. But in high school he'd heard one too many jokes at the expense of someone who was transgender. Buried the thoughts. Maybe they'd go away?
But then what if SHE'd taken action then? What would that have meant? Maybe she wouldn't have ended up here. Nearly 30 and only not taking a step to admitting to herself that something wasn't right.
Its, umm - not a unique perspective I suppose. But, you have to start somewhere I guess.
>admitting maybe to myself that there is at least the possibility that I could be transgender
You're here, asking this. It's at the very least possible.
>If I ask myself the question "would I be happier if I had been a girl all along?"
This matters only for gender dysphoria. Separate transgender and transsexual in your head. It'll help a lot.
>Everytime I try to do a little research it seems so overwhelming and get I scared.
The OP information is very helpful, it should be easy enough to go through for anyone.
You probably need to talk completely openly with someone. See a therapist.
Not 100% sure where what to say but I guess I can just start from the beginning.
When between the ages of 3 and 10 I remember wishing I could wear my sisters clothing and being really scared about it. Every time I got a chance I would usually back down immediately (Grew up in a super restrictive Christian home.) there was only three times as a kid when I wore something girly (aside from when I was a baby, because my family was poor so they had me wear my older sister's clothing since I was smaller than her when we were born),
One was when I was really young and I didn't have any underwear so my mom had be wear my sisters while she cleaned mine for the day.
The second was playing the game 'pretty pretty princess' one time I just put all the jewelry on.
The third was when my sister put makeup on me.
There was other times that I came close to wearing girls stuff but only twice.
Both were around 8 or 10 and one was I was going to let the girls down the street dress me up completely but my sister said she would tell our mom so I didn't, and the other was when with those same girls I was in their tent and kept on telling them to not try to put any makeup on me (Year reverse psychology done by an idiot)
Other things that should probably be noted are that I am not sure if I was raped or not and I am unsure of the time, Sounds like a weird thing to say but let me explain a little further and it may make a bit more sense.
Continued from (2/4)
When I was young I had almost an eidetic memory (sadly didn't keep this into adulthood I really wish I did), but around 4-5 and around 8-10 I had missing memories, I also had nightmares really bad as a child of my cousin (who was 8 years older than me) raping me and hurting me, those continue to this day, but I don't remember the actual abuse if it did occur and I have had some medical problems related to people who sometimes have those things happen to them.
Aside from that my cousin I found out last year was confirmed for being a pedo because it turns out he was raping his two brothers when they were kids. This was confirmed when his father confronted them and he openly admitted to it, and there were three people who accused him of doing it, actually my other cousins ended up addicted to heroin because of the ordeal they went through pretty rough stuff.
I only brought that up so it was known because I am really at a loss and I thank everyone who has decided to continue to read this it's almost done now.
When I was around 12-14 I started master baiting I would always dream of being the girl aelita from code lyoko, weird as a character choice but even when I was younger than that I liked to see male character on tv dressed as female characters and would like to think of myself as a female character a lot of the time so maybe not too off.
Still when I started master baiting I refused to call it that. Because of the Christian faith thing. I actually would wrap something around my dick and not touch it and just think to orgasm
Anyway long story short I got into the forced feminization stuff after seeing the soft core boy to girl transformations, then the penis humiliation etc...
(3/4) Continued from
Anyway long story short I got into the forced feminization stuff after seeing the soft core boy to girl transformations, then the penis humiliation etc...
No the interesting fact I think at least is that I don't want forced feminization to be like in 90% of the stuff I have seen most keep their genitals I guess I don't want to be a "Sissy" and I have always had a strong affinity towards the ones where they are turned completely female. I actually found an interesting literadica site where they have stuff like sci-fi changes or magic changes etc.
Looking into this I found that there is one of two possible standing points for me either A: I am transsexual or B: I am not and have no desire to participate in the porn I watch.
One thing to make note and I have heard this from a lot of people, is that it tends to be that after ejaculation I lose interest in such things, when I was younger I used to be disgusted with myself now I just stop thinking about it and don't really care, it's hard for me to tell if this is because I am trans or not and in all honesty there are a few other things that may contribute to this confusion on my part.
I think I was disgusted with such things when I was younger because I was a Christian at the time I am now an atheist so it's easier to accept.
(4/4) Continued from
Two my family absolutely without a doubt would disown me and refuse to talk to me ever again. No questions asked. I know because it's happened to other members in the family. It's not like I absolutely could not move on honestly, I don't really love my mother I feel she is a bad person and there are several reasons for that. My mom was physically abusive until I was 14 and I blocked her from hitting me in the face and pinned both her arms and threatened to beat the shit out of her if she ever touched me again. She at one point locked me in my room for 3 weeks with a mattress blanket and a pillow, all of which could be easily taken if I was being loud. since I was home schooled (Thanks Jehovah's witnesses) I didn't come out but for 15 minutes for that, I was only allowed to use the bathroom 3 times a day and I was fed then after these things I had to go back into my room, because I picked my nose at 7 or 8 years old.
My mother is actually another thing I should probably note, I don't know if I have these feelings because she treated my sister so much better than me or not. My sister literally got 90% of the resources and sometimes I was even made to give the little resources I had to her so I could "learn humility". My sister would literally do things to get me in trouble and I would suffer for them,
Then finally in the spring I tend to be more about transitioning that any other time. You see I am not too keen on the idea of become a transsexual for multiple reasons. One I am tall about 6ft1 two I am 300 pounds, and depressed as all hell. Honesty the only place I really do good is academia I honestly don't know even if I found out I was a transsexual if it would change much because I don't see myself ever in a position of being "Passable".
Anyway sorry for the long post and I thank anyone who has any advice for me, if they think I am trans or something else, I am honestly open to pretty much any suggestion.
That is one of the effects, yes. Spiro can be used to help those with potassium deficiency, so be careful when eating too many potassium rich foods.
On the other hand it competes with T for the receptors, blocking it from binding and keeping what isn't binded from having much of an effect.
Alright, so. Can't necessarily state how old I am, but you can probably take a guess. Anyways, I've got some pretty significant issues with depression that most likely stem from gender dysphoria. I've been out to my friends and family for about two or three years, and have been pretty comfortable with my identity for about four.
So I've basically decided I'm through putting up with this stupid sulky bullshit, I'm just gonna start transitioning ASAP and get this shit done with. Thing is, while my family is supportive if not totally understanding of my situation, they don't seem to quite understand that I want to start this immediately, and I'm too much of an emotionally repressed shut-in to really push the point.
So, any way I could get the point across without spaghetting all over the place, or should I just man the fuck up (har har) and outright say so?
Forgot to mention that my depression problems have been seriously interfering with my academics and personal health, hence my decision to stop putting up with it and trying to work on fixing it.
If you're not planning on self-medicating, then plainly tell you parents that you want a doctor's appointment for it. Then you can enter the normal process for transitioning regardless of how you express your desire to transition to them (and you start on waiting lists as soon as possible). If you don't want to go through the longer process (including extensive therapy and diagnosis), then you can go to an informed consent clinic if those are available were you are; however, I'm quite sure they won't treat minors, and if they do it will require parental permission, so you'll have to explain to your parents why you want/need it and make sure they're on board with you. You should look into informed consent clinics yourself and see whether you can use them and whether you want to.
Ultimately, explaining yourself to your family and friends is something you're going to have to do. Transition is a big thing, and you can't expect them to politely ignore what's happening, especially while also treating you as the sex you're transitioning to. Basically what you need to explain is "this is a legitimate medical condition which I most definitely have (better to have a diagnosis to get this across); it makes me very depressed and I can't reasonably live without fixing it; transitioning is the treatment"; even if they don't understand exactly, so long as they see the legitimacy of your need to transition and how it clearly helps you then that addresses most of the major problems they would have.
It means an incredible amount to me that you read this anon. That my voice was heard by a single person. I mean- it's still incredibly scary trying to unpack these thoughts and feelings. I was up until 2 again last night reading some of these articles.
It's interesting that you suggest separating transsexual from transgender. That is not a distinction that I would have made on my own.
I do need to talk things out in detail. I ought to make a list or timeline and then think about a therapist
I'm mtf and have been blocking out my trans self with becoming masculine and working out. Sadly that doesn't help 100% of the time.
I worry about not passing and how I'll look when I'm much older. I also have a transphobic sister who hates "trannies" and I feel offended by her comments from time to time.
Trannies age much better than normal women. If you've heard otherwise, you have fallen for a meme. Punished Bruce looks like that because he aged as a man. Don't worry about it.
Don't let your sister stop you from being you.
If I'm self medicating can doctors prevent me from transitioning or will they assist me to transition safely?
Also if I'm not seeing lots of changes about 4 months in aged 19 should I increase my estradiol intake?
Also I have tried coming out to a friend multiple times but he seems to be an idiot in that he doesn't realise I am coming out to him. can you provide some advice for how to deal with someone like him?
Doctors are interested in your well being, and you are in control of your own life. Because self-medicating is dangerous and doctors are legally unable to stop you, they are likely to try helping in whatever way they can. The question is whether they can provide help and if so, in what ways.
but really I'm just speaking out my ass, lol. look into informed consent.
I just dont want a psychiatrist, I dont need someone else analyzing my thoughts and feelings just to confirm what I already know. I'm stronger emotionally and mentally that people expect from me.
as for your friend, Well he's either thickheaded, or he's trying not to acknowledge what your telling him because he doesnt' know how to react.(which is more likely). if you havent already, get his attention tell him you have something important to tell him and you need him to at least acknowledge what your saying, then just be upfront with him. Just say "hey I'm trans and I'm telling you because your my friend" or something like that.
He may not be an idiot, he may jsut know what your saying but it makes him uncomfortable or unsure what to do next. He may just be trying to not offend or hurt you and actinglike its no big deal to him.
So just be blunt, and then give it time.
Or maybe just give it time for now
It may be required to receive treatment depending on your doctor. HRT has serious implications and they could be concerned that you're confusing gender dysphoria for bipolarity, dissociative identity, etc.
I'm stuck in a mental loop.
>want to transition
>get scared of never passing and being a freak (no offense to anyone)
>settle to become an effeminate man
>who crossdresses and pretends to be a girl from time to time
>all the time
>want to transition
This has been going on in my head for 3 years now. What do?
Bite the bullet and see a psychologist. Even if you will 100% not pass at all, hrt may help you mentally. Usually they say 3 months on is a good indication to decide if you are happier on it than without it.
>Bite the bullet and see a psychologist.
That's probably the best idea.
>Even if you will 100% not pass at all
I've got pretty masculine features, and my biggest worry is that I'll end up hating myself more if I get stuck in between effeminate man and ugly woman. I'd probably kill myself, honestly, which is what I'm doing my best to avoid here.
I'm afraid I'm not terribly jive with the lingo these days. What did you just say?
Okay this is a little bit better. It's like the topish-back-ish part of my head. Almost looks like my hair parts in the back horizontally. Am I going bald? Is it just a part? What do I do? I feel like puking.
Recently I've started noticing tiny white flecks on the centre of my nipples (not the aerola). I can brush them away but they seem to coincide with periods of boob pain. 3 months on mones. What is this, is it normal?
hi /lgbt/, I have a little question for you.
(also sorry for bad englandino)
I wouldn't say I am trans (I'm a cis female), but every time I imagine myself with my boyfriend I think of myself as a guy. Every. Damn. Time. I sometimes do have feelings like my body is not entirely who I am and I hate it. But as I said, I don't think I am trans, even though I might like myself more if I was a dude. Could this whole thing mean something?
Maybe you are trans, but are repressing
or maybe you're just having yaoi fantasies.
there's plenty of people that sometimes imagine themseves as opposite gender, but aren't trans.
Wouldn't worry about it too much unless it becomes consuming...because then it might be sign of being trans.
I've been starting on 100mg spiro and 2mg progynova per day. How long should I stay on this before it's safe to up the dosage?