what are your secrets /legbutte/? ill go first
im cis and i transitioned to fuck cute traps pmuch solely because one of my friends who came out turned out being super hot
I'm worried I might be a sociopath because eventually, I get bored of everyone and leave them. When I get bored of them, no matter what I try to do or not to do ends up with me completely loathing them and seeing them as pathetic for seeking my attention. This also has nothing to do with sex or a fetish.
The only one who has been able to 'work around' this is my friend from highschool who is no stranger to my behavior, knows and accepts I'm terrible but by no means enables me. Even when we get into a fight, he knows that I don't have the ability to hold a grudge because I can't bring myself to give a fuck about anything for long so I either won't care or will just forget what we fought about in the first place.
Only thing that makes me think I'm not a sociopath is that I don't like doing this, actively want and try to be better to the people around me and do feel sad if I hurt someone. It's not like I just freak out, get emotional or start fights either. I am just so indifferent to people.
>I smoked weed once when I was 13, didn't like it. Had some shitty, barely alcoholic wine coolers here and there but barely enough to get buzzed because alcohol tasted awful.
>No. I am and always have been very nice and caring to animals. Just two months ago I had my hours temporarily cut from my job just so I could bottle feed kittens, severely cut down on what I spend to get them vaccinated and OK'd by a vet for new homes. Animal cruelty and elderly abuse really disgust me.
I don't know whats wrong with me. I don't hate humans or anything, and I don't have trust issues.
God the similarity between you and a friend I have is uncanny. I don't think you're a sociopath though, if you're really all that like him. My friend doesn't get emotional about anything, even when I told him I liked him he just kinda thought it was awkward and we just kept on going same as always, even when I brought it up later. I think maybe he's some combination of depressed and dissociated and he doesn't even realize it because it's not the kind of sad awfulness he expects it to be, it's more just unfeeling. I felt like that often enough before HRT, and I'm glad I don't anymore, even if I can be a bit much now.
Weird, because that same friend also has confessed he kinda liked me. We even mulled around the idea of dicking around but we didn't get very far before we decided it was weird and immediately carried on like nothing happened.
I don't feel miserable. 'Bummed' sometimes but I don't hate life and even when bad shit gets thrown my way I just shrug it off.
I'm trying to read about it but it doesn't seem right. I don't feel neglected, I don't feel like anyone has wronged me, I don't look for attention(i lived 9 months by myself, only saw a friend or two maybe a total of 4 times, i didn't feel lonely or anything. i actually really liked it, but i also didn't hate nor long for more of the company i had), I am not anxious or have anxiety, I don't think I'm better or smarter than anyone and I also don't hate nor love myself.
I'm not knocking down the idea that I may have some severe personality disorder though, it's obviously not normal. I wish I did it for money, sex or something because then that would at least explain things better I think.
I don't know if you are who I think you are, and I don't think I even want to, but if you are, I just want to hug you and I wish I could make you feel actually, truly loved.
If you're not, you could probably use a hug too, I'm sorry about how you feel.
not the anon you're talking to, and my problem is similar but not exactly the same as theirs, but your reply is nice
i wish i was real friends with a good seeming person like you, but i just cant seem to truly care about people that arent the same yoke of manipulative degenerate i am. i wish i wasnt what i am but part of me obviously is okay, and i just wish that all wasn't the case
A part of me wishes that I was transitioning MtF instead of FtM (and felt comfortable showing off my body) so I could start camming and be a desired commodity. It seems like tons of people love to watch trans girls play with their dicks, but there isn't a similar market for trans guys. I mean, I guess a small number of people might be into the whole enlarged clit thing, but I just started T recently, and it'll be a while before things look much different down there. I wouldn't even care anymore if people looked at or treated me like a sideshow freak, as long as I was making money. Pathetic.
I'm moving into an apartment that I can't afford - rent's gotten absolutely ridiculous in my city over the last few years - and I'm having to borrow money from my dad and my ex just to buy shit like the cheapest IKEA furniture and diningware. I feel like an awful person saying it, but I'm jealous of people who can, say, put up an Amazon wishlist and actually have people buy them stuff from it. I'm a poorfag now after leaving everything behind to transition and start a "new life," and I'm terrified that I'm not even going to have enough money to pay for food, let alone to keep seeing my therapist.
So yeah. Now that I'm this strapped for cash and >tfw no bf/gf, I'm at the point where I'm willing to degrade myself to make some cash on the side. However, I'm ugly and I hate my body. I don't even have nice feet, for fuck's sake. I need ear-pinning surgery not to look like an alien, but I'll never be able to afford it. I suck at just about everything, I've fucked up my life, blah blah blah, sorry, this is whining, not confessing. Goodnight legbutts.
Aw, anon. I don't think it's bad as you might think. I think I can even go as far as call myself 'content' with life. Or maybe I'm just in huge denial and don't realize it. I just wish I could somehow change how I eventually feel about about people in the end. Maybe it is very narcissistic because I feel bad about being 'such a good friend' to people and I genuinely do care about people in the beginning, want to make them happy and like to listen to them ramble - only to phase myself out of their life for the sole sake I am bored of them. I don't want to hate them so I have to distance myself from them, but I also want to make it as painless as possible for them. I have found that working two jobs gives me even less time to pay attention to people so I won't get bored as fast or it gives me enough 'breaks' in between, but I'm pretty sure I'm done with relationships or living with someone I have to see every day at the end of the day.
Not that you shouldn't try to seek help too or anything, but who knows maybe you will find someone who knows and willingly puts up with your shit like my bff. He's not a manipulative scumbag but he has his shit together, is very intelligent and up front with me. Sometimes you just need someone in your face telling you stop being a piece of shit, then go eat burritos in the parking lot at 2am.
i'm a kind of split between demisexual and lonelysexual
i have basically zero IRL friends; I have no connection whatsoever with the vast majority of regular people i meet or work with, and with specific types of individuals i will fall in love utterly and exclusively for long periods of time
it's weird and i also have standards
>i have basically zero IRL friends; I have no connection whatsoever with the vast majority of regular people i meet or work with, and with specific types of individuals i will fall in love utterly and exclusively for long periods of time
i relate insanely to this whole line, especially the part about specific types of people
I'm really bad at keeping in touch with people
I will suddenly go months without talking to majority of my friends, and feel really sad that "I don't have friends" when I do talk to them it hardly progresses beyond the polite "hi how are you etc"
Yet I really do consider them friends and it hurts a lot when we stop talking all together
Just posting this here from another thread I wrote in since it feels like it would be applicable here as well
>how old were you when you discovered you're trans?
>when did you come out?
>when did you start hrt?
>how long have you been on hrt?
>have you had any surgeries? (if so, when?)
No surgeries at all
>do you pass?
Ever since around the 7 month mark I started getting clocked less and less little by little
No issues at all anymore beside people just being surprised by my height for a chick
>do you ever think about detransitioning?
Sometimes I do, its a weird situation I'm in
I have so many opportunities and things in the works right now to be someone and do stuff I'd never have the opportunity to do if I were a guy, places to go, and people to meet, as well as I know I'm much more attractive as a chick than I was ever as a guy
However there is always that remembering how much easier life was as a guy. Sure life can be harder as a guy than a girl given dating and less opportunities. But as trans sometimes it gets frustrating figuring out your whole sexuality, where you fit on the kinsey scale etc.
It'd be hard enough to find someone that you'd get along with and find attractive that finds you attractive, as well as meet and etc. But now your entire potential pool is cut down to a much smaller puddle of people that would even consider dating you after just seeing you as a bucket list fuck or just 'interesting'.
On paper my life should be going great right now, but the crippling loneliness onset by that and the ways I've just learned to keep people out just only fuel into a slowly developing benzo addiction that I hope someone around me will be able to see and realize that I haven't been okay and help pull me out before its too late as my mother's bipolar and other mental disorders have just recently started to become prevalent in my own mind as well, and I fear some days for my stability and sanity.