Just found I was gay(or started accepting that I was gay) two months ago, at first I was kinda relieved because I thought I liked girls but had too low of a sex drive to actually want to pursue them or think about them, or that I was asexual(i didn't want to be asexual because that would mean no sex).
Anyways, what's really making me depressed about the gay culture and grindr is how shallow and mean spirited these gays seem to be, even more shallow then girls. I'm afraid to put myself out their or pursue a guy because I can't handle rejection very well, especially from a guy who's far worse looking than me. I'm pretty open to all sorts of people.
I've made a profile on grindr that has no pic, I give pics when they ask me, some are interested, I've even got offer from guys I would want to try my first time with, but I felt like I wasn't ready so I said I was busy, I feel like I've maybe done blew my chances with those guys, don't know too scared to talk to them.
Anyways, I just feel like a horrible sack of shit right now since I started to think about my appearance again. So I was thinking of just going full fit and get shredded(sixpack, aesthetics, strenght) just to compensate for any shorts coming in my appearance.
Quite frankly, this kind of thinking is making me really depressed, I feel like gays are just too shallow(even my lgbt therapist told me so), so the only way for me to get any confident is to reach peak physical appearance.(long road ahead, maybe ill start using some steroids).
I'm 25, stalky with some muscle and I feel like I want to suck a 12 gauge sometimes. I'm so afraid of rejection because of how it affects my mood...
I really don't know any gays, are gays really superficial, mean spirited, passive aggressive and shallow?
Well grindr is a hookup app after all, which means the people on here are looking for sex and only sex 90% of the time.
So don't be too surprised if you are judged by your physical appareance on there. You can't fuck a nice personality, after all.
Also, you really shouldn't get /fit/ to get loved, but because you want to improve yourself. You won't need steroids either. Most men are in terrible shape, so it's not hard to have a better body than the majority.
I'm just kinda spooked after the therapist told me that gays on grindr are really judgmental and have high standards. Also since I've always seen myself as straight most of my life, I've always been in competition with other men(like heteros do), not showing weakness, not complimenting other men for their looks, for heteros it's all about racking up numbers(fuck as many girls as possible). Also, since I'm gay and still feel pretty hetero I still have this aggressive mannerism toward men that disrespect me or belittle me, like I'd like to sleep with some man, but If he'd be really mean to be I'd like to punch his face in.
My psyche is torn to pieces, my hetero mentality and my homosexual urges. It's really messing me up. It's hard for me to compliment another man that's better looking than me(sign of submission, weakness).
When I was straight and in good shape I didn't lift for girls, but now it seems like I have to get shredded just to be able to have the change of sleeping with a decent mate.
I really don't want to loose my male virginity to some old man, that would mess with my head I reckon.
Also, because I'm down low, I'll have to have a good torso pic. So all I can do know with my life is think about fitness and worship zyzz and spout fit memes.
I gain muscle kinda easily but It's harder for me to have a lean body.
I feel like I'm on my way developing a body dysphoric disorder, that might actually be a good thing, i don't know.
I just feel so alone... and depressed... and anxious... I wish I could restart my life(respawn) because I've already fucked it up by being aloof closet faggot for so long who avoids other people like the plauge.
W-what do you mean?
I don't know any gay guys, frankly I'm quite scared of them, they intimidate me, especially young skinny twinks and flamers.
I don't like to feel vulnerable(telling a guy I like him), i have really thin skin...
As someone that hangs out with all people gay men are seriously the nicest people at least compared to Women and trannies.
Just start lifting or dressing nice.
Well, to me it sounds like you have some sort of inferiority complex, and that's why you feel that you need to compete with other men and react badly when they don't treat you the way you'd like.
Not saying this as a bad thing, I'm sort of in the same position. I feel that if I lift and put down heavy things for long enough all my problems will be solved.
To answer your question, yeah, many gays are shallow, because people in general are shallow. The gay culture is also really fucked up, so the ones that are more into it will be probably worse. Those are the kind of gay guys no one but fag hags like (they don't even like each other most of the time)
Really, coming out at 25 isn't that big of a deal. Lots of gay guys don't have their first gay experience until their 20s because it's often harder to get them when you are a teenager. But I don't think Grindr is the best place for you to find... well, I don't know what you are looking for exactly, but grindr is generally a shit place.
You said you don't know any gays, but do you have straight friends?
>I don't know how male sexuality works
>I'm insecure, I'm insecure, I'm insecure
Congratulations, you are P R O J E C T I N G.
And guess what, guys won't get a boner if you look like shit so how do you expect to be fucked by a flaccid dick?
>Gays are shallow
>for heteros it's all about racking up numbers(fuck as many girls as possible)
>I feel like I'm on my way developing a body dysphoric disorder
How the fuck can you be saying that if you don't even lift?
>but grindr is generally a shit place.
If you want a serious relationship yes, if you're looking to get fucked, no.
But if he wants to get a decent relationship he might as well kill himself, there's no good, decent or even mediocre place for that. It's literally like winning on the lottery.
I get that you have thin skin OP, so do I. But you know what? Rejection is a GOOD thing. I know it sounds like the worst thing in the fucking world, and yeah it can be, but you grow up so much from experiencing rejection. You actually gain confidence from it. It makes you realize who you are and what you want from life. Being rejected doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's just like anything else that's good for you: exercise, studying, eating veggies etc. it sucks at first but it gets easier and you even grow to like it. I kinda get off on rejection, I take it as a challenge to keep improving myself, and in turn, other people will be attracted to your new found confidence.
In short get it over with OP, it's going to happen as some point and it's better sooner rather than later.
>but do you have straight friends?
I have two straight friends, I'm really introverted so it's really hard for me to get to know people. I also avoid people because of social anxiety.
> And guess what, guys won't get a boner if you look like shit so how do you expect to be fucked by a flaccid dick?
I don't think I look like shit.
>How the fuck can you be saying that if you don't even lift?
But I do lift, I work out 6 times a week.
>If you want a serious relationship yes, if you're looking to get fucked, no.
I don't want a relationship on grindr, I just want gay sex. But I feel really intimated sometimes, that's why I don't even bother messaging people unless they message me first.
I am insecure, especially after I went to see the lgbt gay therapist, I might be misinterpreting what he meant but I felt like he was saying I didn't have a chance on grindr, because he kept saying that the guys there are really inaccessible and shallow. After the session I took it as he was calling me ugly. I've been told multiple times that I'm handsome by strangers(downtown when I'm clubbing).
Maybe I need a noose surgery... I'm starting to think of myself as a hideous beast. So yeah i]m a very insecure person, I'm really introverted, on the spectrum etc.
>numerous strangers that have no obligation to your feelings or well-being in a place as appearance-focused as a downtown club compliment you on your looks
>your therapist who is paid to try to keep your emotional well-being sound warns you about how appearance-focused people can be on an app specifically designed for one-night stands and this must mean that you are ugly instead
You need to ground yourself on the more objective facts of the situation instead of letting your insecurities run wild. Practice doing that and in the long-term you will be less insecure.
>But I feel really intimated sometimes
That's because the thought of doing something so intimate with someone you don't even know SHOULD be intimidating for anyone with half a brain.
Guess you're looking for a relationship then and you know what I said about those.
Anyway, unless you post a pic there's no way we can say if you are legit ugly or not, but I'm inclined to say you're not since you work out 6 times a week.
> gay culture and grindr is how shallow and mean spirited these gays seem to be,
> I can't handle rejection very well, especially from a guy who's far worse looking than me. I'm pretty open to all sorts of people.
Jesus fucking christ the lack of self awareness. do yourself a massive favor and read these
Jesus everyone is judgemental to an extent though and honestly beating yourself up because what people say about you is a bad habit. You seem like you want a relationship but you are going about it wrong. You should try to be upfront about that want in the future. Good luck anon :)
Here's the thing: fags that are shitty, mean people are just compensating themselves, typically from a rough upbringing or some such. The thing you learn being in this community is that though they puff themselves up to be all important, the people who are belittling others are just pitied, really.
A friend of mine put it like this: We're family, and we know why they act the way they do. It's more sad than anything.
Ignore the cunts, and once they realize you don't give a shit if they're assholes to you, they'll ignore you. Again, they're small people, so if you aren't giving them what they want(the satisfaction of putting someone down) they'll just forget about you. Being gay is 90% confidence.
I feel you man, I know all about overthinking dumb stuff until it drives you nuts. Anyway, I'm 19 years old, skinny as heck, and am very well aware that I'm pretty average-looking, yet I've managed to hook up with dudes there waaay out of my league. The trick I've found is to provide with pictures that don't give the illusion of you being more attractive than you really are, that way you'll avoid the awkward risk of being rejected once you hook up.
Might sound a bit clichéd, but try to embrace your perceived shortcomings instead of letting them get to you too much. I've always been a bit self-conscious about how skinny I am, but I know that the fact that I am skinny is something that have appealed to a lot of the guys I've hooked up with there. Just do your best to avoid the shitty people there.
I came out at 25 as well OP, the therapist I was seeing at the time told me to not go around and tell guys I loved them. So I took his advice to heart and eradicated that life out of me. There really isn't anything in gay life for guys like us that came out so late and with so many insecurities. It just wasn't meant to be. You'll be much happier just letting it go and using the energy on something else.
>tfw all you want is that special someone you can cuddle and laugh and play games with, forming comfy memories that you can get all giddy thinking about while going to sleep rather than being reminded of how lonely you are
Day in, day out, we all lament how shit doesn't work the way we want it.
But if there's one thing I'm learning in life, it's not that nothing ever changes, it's that you fucking mold shit around you to fit what you do if you just goddamn do it.
the people out there doing shit and living life, they aren't moping about the shittiness in their circumstances, they're taking it for granted they can do what they want and reality conforms to it.
This is not because happy pie in the sky fairy dreams or w/e else bullshit, it's because the truth is: no one is controlling anything. no one knows what to do. no one has the answers. there is no system keeping everything moving along orderly.There are trends of behavior, and all the people who've given in just perpetuate it. But you fucking go out there and do w/e you decide to do, do it with confidence and let go of worrying about what other people do, and those who feel how you feel will follow. It's as simple as that.
Not easy, but simple.
Now I'm sure someone has a perfectly crafted reply to bring us back to cynicism. But try to take in what I really mean when I say this, because it's much scarier than the security of a never-ending system of sameness. No one is in charge, no one is guaranteeing a life for you, good or bad. It's downright terrifying.
Try it out as a hypothetical thought, even if you dismiss it in the end. I think you have some small idea of what I mean.
>There really isn't anything in gay life for guys like us that came out so late and with so many insecurities.
Don't be silly. All these threads about the gay community being awful and shallow while simultaneously being full of insecure guys who want real relationships is hilarious.
You neglected the other half of it, coming out so old.
Since I have no experience at that age it isn't easy to get a foot in. Complete honesty is not an option as it scares people away, trying half-truths about just coming out and wanting to experiment doesn't quite work either because no one is really interested in taking things at a pace that feels ok. As I said, there really isn't any place and its better to just forget about it and focus on other aspects.
Why mention it? I've met several (shy but perfectly normal and good looking) people on okcupid and got on pretty well. Dated one for about 18 months.
Oh.. and I only started dating dudes at 24. There are many other people who are like you, I was one of them until recently.
>at a pace that feels ok.
...all I would say is that sometimes you need to jump in. The water isnt gonna get any warmer by staring at it. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life by yourself?
>I don't think I look like shit.
But do you look good enough? That's the important part.
I mean, if you look "ok", how dare you expect to land anything but a guy who also looks just "ok"? Are you really that selfish?
Shoot within your own level. And since grindr is a fuckfest, guys there are picky about looks, so you have retards like yourself who think they're the best and become far too demanding of the others, which only results in them being alone.
Other things will get into play, too. Think of getting into any kind of relationship as a trade: it'll be good when both sides are satisfied and it's affected by offer and demand.
> Oh woe is me
> I am such a special little snowflake that there is NO ONE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD who has the same mindset
> That's just how unique and amazing I happen to be
> Guess I'm fated to just stay alone forever
Yeah, no. Look at this thread and look at how many of you retards there are. You are not rare at all. Either you just suck at searching for people or you are far too picky.
I came to him because I was questioning my sexuality, he asked me why I started questioning it(because I was jacking off to gay porn, and have been jacking off to dick pics, and big meaty cock ever since I was a teenager "but it wasn't gay because it was straight porn"). He asked me about the other sex and asked. From what I told him he didn't even think I was bisexual...
He also just tried to make me see through my own prejudice against homosexuality and said I could choose to live with a wife that I wasn't sexually interested in and be "straight" or enjoy life and enjoy sex.
I don't know what you're talking about, OP. Never tried hooking up with strangers, but me and my boyfriend are nice people (or at least that's what we're told).
We started as friends, until we slowly realised each other's sexuality, and, well, an insult lead to a joke, a joke to a flirt, a flirt to a date and so on. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places.
Yeah I don't know, but this seems to be a common trend. I'm a top, so its fine I guess. Then wanting to crossdress isn't really my thing, but it's fine otherwise.
The bi guy I'm currently seeing doesn't seem full on agp either, he's just submissive all around. Even works out to be more built.
Why do some guys want to fuck other guys in the ass while others just want to get fucked in the ass(like myself)?
I just finished jerking off to some gay porn and a guy on grindr really wants to meet me and fuck me in the ass, he just lives kinda far away, I want to do it but I'm afraid and I keep delaying the meet up. After I came to the porn I feel kinda ashamed, why do I want a cock in my ass? Why do I get off on pleasing other men and thinking about sucking their dicks?
Innate preference, lifestyle, whatever you want to attribute it to. I feel sexually aggressive, I love a nice butt on a guy, I want to play with a sub and make him react, I like feeling possessive and in charge.
Why question it if it feels right.
Also, do you have a good butt?
I got strong legs and ass, so yeah when I start going to the gym my ass pops up like a balloon. I have hairy legs and thin hair on my butt, is that considered haram for bottoms?
Recently I've gotten pimples on my butt cheeks any way to get rid of them?
>I am such a special little snowflake that there is NO ONE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD who has the same mindset
>That's just how unique and amazing I happen to be
Reading comprehension skills on point, I see