/comingout/ repressed memories edition

Were you AGP or????

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>tfw you know you've been repressing something forever but you don't know what yet and you have the emotions of a tombstone

everyday is hell.

>>5543146
Yes. I don't wish I didn't have a dick though, that's part of me and I accept that. Though it would've been nice to be born without one.
Here's another story in regards to this.
>Be just discovering masturbation
>no porn, simple playing with myself not really knowing what or why I'm doing things
>play with my gooch area think about how there should be something there
>becomes a common theme, where I touch my Willy and play with my gooch
>am convinced if I play with it enough my vagina will open up or something
>I would prop up my stuffed animals and hump them/make them hump me...lol
>>5543161
I know the feeling all of this has been a long time coming for me.

>>5543228
I mean it would be bearable if I was 5 years younger and still a student, but I just started my career and seeing all the coworkers and the school friends being comfortable in their identity and relationships, is really painful.
Feels so unfair that I get to spend my early twenties in anguish because I was too distracted to realize something was wrong earlier.

>>5543326
I'm 21 almost 22 and just started my career a little over a year ago. I'm literally right there with you. It sucks, but at least you're finding out now. Some people live in denial their whole lives. I'm feeling confident that my 20's are going to be a great time. Fuck the past make the future positive.

Pretty sure my repressed memories are repressed for a reason. That and I did a lot of drugs right after high school so I have very little memory of anything pre-18 to 20 ish lol
I just kind of go by what feels good. I kind of came to the conclusion I was gay while younger but I can't remember the reason why lol

>>5543605
Yeah I did a lot of drugs too. I was hiding from myself and wanted to die. How I mentioned in the OP
>i had straight friends that I had a seperate identity around
Between the ages of 17 to 19 i was doing zans, oxys, opana, vicodin, robitussin, TONS of drinking, acid, mushrooms, k pins, you name it I was fucking doing it. I was high every day I could be. Working as a janitor I could be loaded at work even. It a a good thing high school was easy as shit and I managed to keep my grades up. It all ended when I was blacked out on pills one night and woke up with a DUI. Literally don't remember what happened. I still continued to try and kill myself but ultimately stopped when I got on probation. Due to frequent drug testing.
I still kinda drink too much but I'm working on it :3

>>5543901
Yeah I got a dui plus a hit and run but I just paid a lawyer to get me off with no record and no charges, just had a 6 month license suspension.

I think my drinking is more under control now. Still smoke a ton of pot but actually 90% of the negative effects like memory loss don't effect me anymore. I think as I've gotten older it's made pot more enjoyable since it doesn't make the rest of my life suffer anymore.
But pretty sure I spent the entirety of 18-20 permanently high on pot or other stuff or drunk which pretty much was like a memory eraser lol
I don't know if I regret it though, because now I have nothing to really worry about from that Era of my life. It's like a clean slate. The only things I remember are whatever my family has mentioned about me.

>>5543959
You're lucky you got off so easy. I had a good lawyer but still got charged but I was fuckedd up. Reading the police report is ridiculous. I wasn't being an asshole to the cops but apparently I was whacked the fuck out. They took me to the hospital and shit. I was fine, they ended up drawing blood to see what I was on and giving me a once over and releasing me. I woke up with a hospital bracelet at my friends house :/
I remember too much from that period of time, we all go through shit differently but personally I'd love to not remember wanting to die every second of every day. It still surfaces sometimes like a bad day dream. I have to say NO I want to live! Shut the fuck up!
And all because I didn't want to accept being a pretty boy faggot. Smh

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>Be me, 6 or 7
>Use my sister bra's and clothing whenever i can
>Feels fucking good.jpeg and i don't know why, but my heart goes crazy whenever i do it.
>One day i'm wearing her rainbow socks in the bathroom
>Mom demands i get out of the bathroom
>Mfw mom, dad and sister see me wearing her socks
>"Anon what is that??"
>"Uh.... it's cold mom can i use this"
>She looks to my father, "Do you think there's any problem with this...?"
>"Uh.... i dont think so."

I hope they remember this day when i come out as whatever i am.

Some years later, when i was 8, because of my mother:
>Couldn't sigh, because "only girls do that"
>Couldn't imitate someone, because "only girls do that"
>Couldn't scream, because "that's a girls thing"
>Couldn't get stressed, because "only girls do that"...

Today i don't know if i'm trans or not, or even wich gender sexually arouses me. But i defintely hate male traits. I think i'll just keep with my dangerous teenager habits until i die or kill myself.

I feel nothing, after all.

>>5544148
>Couldn't sigh, because "only girls do that"
>Couldn't imitate someone, because "only girls do that"
>Couldn't scream, because "that's a girls thing"
>Couldn't get stressed, because "only girls do that"...
That's fucking bullshit

>intersex mtf
>fulltime
>passing
>out to everyone except my aunt (dad's sister) and my grandma (dad's mother) who i just avoid or boymode for
>aunt is christian, has no children, comfortably well off, and took early retirement
>grandma is 96, fragile, in a wheelchair, permanently forgetful, dwelling in the past and in a state of mild confusion, but used to be an awkward old fashioned hardass who hates change
>aunt is legally grandma's carer and is in charge of her finances and estate
>my mom tries to get my dad to go down and out me to them
>dad asks me first
>i say no, i'll do it myself with my own words, in my own time
>mom and dad argue
>it blows up into a general marital fight
>mom calls dad a pussy afraid of his mother, dad says she's acting like a child and if she despises him that much then to just say
>he says the marriage is over
>i'm sitting there in the middle crying my eyes out as this is my fault
>write my aunt a letter coming out and explaining things, and asking her if she could broach things with my grandma as she can handle things best
>a few days later my parents make up as it was completely stupid and pointless
>get letter back from aunt saying how much it upset her, how she had no idea what i'd been through, she was a bad godmother and aunt for not being there for me, she accepts me, is happy i'm finally starting to be happy, and she'd talk to my grandma

good end? but wait there's more

>dad pre-empts this and outs me to my grandma at my mother's behest
>betrayal of trust
>mother gets to be smug she got her own way
>turns out grandma shrugged and said i always seemed like a girl and not a boy and it's not a big deal

a good end but not the one i wanted.

>>5544148
>only girls do that
Why do parents have to do this? Why can't they just be supportive of their children instead of trying to make them into what they want them to be? It doesn't work. And people wonder why there's so much mental illness in the lgbt community...

Anyway I'll tell another story
>be me, 9 or 10
>Reading a sci fi novel
>protagonist is offered one wish by some alien being
>protagonist wishes he was a beautiful woman
>remember being so excited about this and telling my dad that that's what I would wish for too
>he looks kinda weird and says "I guess some guys would want that"
>instantly it clicks with me that it's not a "normal" thing to want such a thing
>And so began the spiral of manic depression that was my adolescence.

>>5544016
I walked away from my car so they had nothing on me.
I didn't say anything to the police and since they had no proof I was driving they could charge me but nothing would really stick. I know quite a few people that have gotten away with DUIs doing that. It's pretty much the best thing you can do as long as you're not a retard and start blathering to the police if they catch you down the road.

>>5544251
>>5544205
Yes that fucking sucks and can make you repress what you feel, everytime you remember this episodes.

I think they are the reason i was so fucking introverted and idiot teenager.

Well now i'm out of their house. Hope acid or motorbike kill me someday, or i "grow out" from this phase and live as a normal person.