Once when I was a kid, maybe like four or five, my grandmother started to date this guy. James Lee was his name.
James Lee was dead set on being husband number six. My grandmother's previous husbands committed suicide, died of a stroke at the age of 30, ran off and left her, passed out drunk in the middle of the road and got run over by a woman on her way to get her wedding dress and ran off and left her in that order. My grandmother has a terrible track record, but I digress. My point is that James Lee wanted wanted to marry my grandmother and live an easy life sponging off her, spending her social security checks for her and drinking beer. James Lee was an asshole. I didn't know how to read yet, but I knew he was an asshole.
I was a tyke with a lot of health problems and my overly anxious, somewhat stifling parents rarely let me out of their sight. They also weren't fans of leaving me alone with my grandmother because I nearly overdosed on her sleeping pills. (She kept them in a plastic ziplock bag and when I asked her what they were, she said they were tic tacs because she thought if she told me they were pills, I'd want to take them. So me, being three and dumb apparently shoveled half of them down my stupid throat.)
But for whatever reason, the stars aligned just right and my parents allowed me to escape their clutches for a few hours to spend the night at my grandmothers. The only problem was that James Lee was going to be there.
>>5527045 It started off normally enough. We had manwiches for dinner with cream of corn and canned beans. Then James Lee and I watched Wrasslin'. I was young and too stupid to question why I liked watching two men grapple so much. He took out his pocket knife and showed it to me. I remember the blade was really small and it had a shiny handle that must have been mother of pearl or something. He made like he was going stab me with it and was disappointed when I didn't flinch or act scared. He spent the rest of the night trying to make me flinch and drinking beer. He let me have some beer, though. So I guess it wasn't too bad.
Bright and early the next morning, James Lee took me for a walk. Which would have been nice, but the "path" we took was just that. There was no actual sidewalk. Just a strip of grass on the side of a busy road with a trail from people walking there. Towards the end, we passed a squirrel that had been struck by a car. I remember looking down at it, its stomach had split and its eyes were still open. I had never seen roadkill up close before, so I remember being kind of repulsed and fascinated.
For whatever reason, James Lee decided I had to prove my manhood by touching it. He tried all kinds of bribery to coerce me into doing it. Money, a toy, new sneakers, candy, everything. Nothing doing. I dug my heels in. So finally, he grabbed my little hand and shoved it right up in there. Right up in its stomach cavity. It could just be my mind playing tricks on me, but I swear it was still warm.
Naturally, I screamed and cried like a bitch. James Lee laughed his ass off, called me a pussy/pansy/whatever else and took me home.
A couple of months later, we discovered that he also really liked taking my grandmother's sleeping pills. They broke up and that's the last I ever saw of him.
I didn't catch any diseases from the squirrel, but visiting my grandmother's apartment has never really been quite the same after that.
>>5526889 I get jealous, yes. I always wished as kid I had a penis. BUT: I accepted it, because I can't change it. Why should I worry about things which can't be changed? And yeah there a possibilities to get a penis. But I think it's currently not worth it since you get huge scars on your arm and stomach, afaik getting an orgasm is somewhat complicated and you'll never get a legit erection. Additionally, it seems to be a really painful procedure.
Here is 1 posts about things you should know before sugery http://helpfultransinfo.tumblr.com/post/133098133816
and the same guys blog documenting the past-op http://chinchilla-meat.tumblr.com/
i can deal with daily life most of the time but every few days the dysphoria just hits me hard at some random time. it feels like i have this blank space between my legs where something else should be. idk it's really painful to think about. sex is totally unmanageable. i keep my underwear + packer on and don't let my partners touch me there but i STILL get dysphoric because i just get sad about how shitty this situation is and how badly i want a dick and etc etc etc. aghhhhh
i'm post-transition except for bottom surgery and it fucks me up when i look in the mirror and see that one place on my body that's totally wrong.
i'm like 97% decided that i want phalloplasty. not sure when i'm going to actually get around to it but hopefully within the next couple of years. i can't imagine living the rest of my life with my junk the way it is now.
>>5526889 Genital dysphoria is minimal for myself personally but strap ons and packers are decent replacements, + T makes you grow a microdick so it's really NTB. Also brainwashed myself by watching trans porn.
Sometime jealous, but I try not to compare my physical body to other people in any way.
I try as hard as I can not to think about it. I don't ever look at it, and I certainly am not letting anyone near it. I'm not dealing very well, honestly, and yes, I do have penis envy. I don't have a packer or anything, and I'm thinking I should do something about that. I don't know if it would help, though.
as a passing ftm i've gotta say that life is pretty much exactly the same as it was before i transitioned. i haven't noticed any differences in the way people treat me, except more people call me bro and shit i guess?
also the "amazing orgasms" don't really count for much when you're too dysphoric to touch yourself or let anyone touch you derp
not gonna happen. i've had genital dysphoria pretty much my entire life. it's not going to go away. phallo is fine for me. i don't need a perfect dick, i just need a dick that performs basic functions and isn't made out of fucking plastic.
also i don't care about the scar. why is everyone so hung up on the scar? it's nbd seriously
>>5528544 I saw photos of older post-ops somewhere else. It looks ok imo. However, the arm looks crippling. The tissue never comes back that way and since I'm a firefighter, I couldn't do that without losing my ability to do my passion.
i just kinda accept that i'm trans, and that i have what most transguys have considering the cost of bottom surgery + the current state of it... i personally am happy i can at least get pleasure out of it, and i enjoy sex so i can deal... my worst dysphoria is unrelated so in comparison i just kinda feel like it could be worse
i'm not jealous of other people, i don't compare myself to them or anything like that... that shit's a waste
>>5526889 I used to get jealous before I got on hormones when I would see guys my age who were taller, more mature and masculine looking, etc. It's not a big deal anymore, just gotta accept what you have. Learn to use it and like it if you can, and are scared of surgery like me.
About as jealous I am of billionaires. Do I wish I had that? Yeah. Will I ever have it? No, so there's no point in getting bent out of shape about it. I can't stand people who hate other people for what they don't have, most notably the mtfs who envy women to the point of loathing. You're just making yourselves miserable.
I'm not trans, but I often feel like I'd rather not have a dick. I hate my dick, a lot. Not enough to take scissors to it or something, cause it's better than nothing, but I frequently wish I had a vagina instead. If I could pull that switch, I would in a heartbeat, but otherwise I feel male. Just my weird non-struggle I suppose...
It makes me a little sad, like having a dick would be nice but objectively they're more or less equal wrt pros and cons as vaginas. The biggest hangup for me is that I'm bad enough at dating and that kind of thing, and having such a greatly reduced dating pool on top of that makes me pretty worried.
It doesn't bother me nearly as much as my height, though. Most people obviously don't see your genitals throughout the day, but there's no escape from being born a total manlet.
>>5537646 Before even the first date if possible. I clearly state in all my profiles on OkCupid, Grindr, Tinder, etc, that I'm trans, and I only go on dates or hook up with people who know what that means and aren't going to be weird about it. I generally don't go to bars or clubs or anything for the purposes of meeting people to date because disclosure gets tricky when it comes to IRL. If it ever happened to me that I had a connection with someone I met organically like that I would disclose either before I asked them on a first date or after they ask me on one.
>>5526940 That stuff doesn't do anything to you other than bring out insecurities. I've watched a bit of it and it's not like it REALLY hypnotizes you. And I've tried, I have a hypnosis/being drugged fetish. It just toys with the fact that you searched for such a thing and talks about how much you want cock and to be feminine. If you don't like any of those things you honestly just won't like the porn.
GEEEZ i feel like most of you transguys LOVE to label yourself inferior in your own mind.. the truth is being trans is a blessing and it should open your eyes to the bigger picture. I can't explain what that is because it's a beautiful journey you have to seed from your-self.
I'm a FTM i had those stages as a teenager, hating myself and my body etc, but i am 22 now and have been on T for 3 years and i absolutely love my masculinised vagina, where as in my whole teens i never EVER explored the inner depths of my body(LOL). Let me tell you, when you finally know your body properly, it's something you wouldn't change for the world. Yeah a penis is cool but you have a nutter, micro dick for someone to suck on AND a inner sex organ. Ya'll just have to stop taking this shit so seriously. Life isn't serious, it's funny, NOTHING IS NORMAL. There IS more than regular MALE and FEMALE on this planet, people who were born with both a penis and vagina and people born with no penis.. No vagina, people with double genitals and i'm sure there may be more i'm not aware of. The fact is, your biggest critic is YOU. You have to accept your parts for what they are, I am a man and i loooove having a masculine vagina, it's different, people are FASCINATED it's interesting. It turns people on. NO GF/BF will ever have the same experience in the sack unless it's with you or another trans person. Let me tell you, they will MISS IT. You are UNIQUE.
Once you're on T you should become super super horny. This is the stage you SHOULD start and have this animalistic thirst to explore yourself. DO IT and don't feel ashamed. It's there for pleasure. One thing that massively helps if you find it hard to feel good ( you have to work up to making it feel good) Smoke Weed. Weed makes your parts feel nothing but pleasure. It's absolutely amazing. Trust me when i say it, weed will help you sexually. Especially when you have a mancave. <3
>>5538219 Marijuana really does bring it out. Being high and trying to have straight sex is what really sent me through the ringer of what my sexuality is. I just couldn't do it and ended up having a panic attack. When I put it that way it sounds awful and I'm still struggling but I'm starting to think it was a good thing.
Nobody is superior everybody is equal, do you know why? Because life on earth is a fraction of a second in universal time. Humanity is one pentaquark in a infinite sea of atoms. Your life doesn't matter and neither does anybody else's. You may be unique but, it really doesn't matter. Just enjoy your little lives. :) You're not going to be human forever.
>>5538271 Who in your mind is superior? In scientific world view terms the only ones who are superior are the rich in a world where the only thing that matters is money. If you think you are inferior in a way, you think you're special.. you're not special. You are unique 1 way is in legal situations. The other is In social situations you are only as inferior as your presence. No time worthy person really cares about what you have between your legs. I don't think about the people i've just met's parts, people don't even know you're trans unless you tell them. When i meet someone..I'm interested in who they are as a human being and when you're trans, you have a hidden stripe of a Miss-Matched colour in your pants? Whats wrong with that? If someone is negative to you being trans that is good for you because that saves the mess of you making the mistake of having them in your life in any other situation. People like that are usually some what influenced..narcissistic and religious, which tend to be spiritually stubborn people. If you weren't trans you probably would learn about the negitive core of these people in a harder way. Which by the way you aren't better than these people, you are just in a different circle from these people. That being said, you can also change people who are negative at first. I've witnessed it and i have seen this person grow into a, happier human being after. You're a good thing for other people to learn about themselves from. You can help change people and their life and how they live it. Being trans is a spiritual journey.
>>5538281 2/10?, Alrighty then Jesus. I accept your judgement. I'll just let you know, holy spirit..that i like to laugh about how serious people get about this game of life you engulfed everyone into. Hahahahaha. You little cheeky man. Cheers ya little holy walnut.
>>5538748 Relevant since at the time of >>5538254 I was coming out of a couple years of drinking and doing pills. I had learned that I didn't like weed but I didn't know why. I eventually figured out it's because it would take off the mask I'd had on for years and years. During the "aftermath" of my drug phase. I had a couple moments where I tried weed again and I found myself wanting to cuddle with/kiss my (best) friend at the time. This really fucked me up too. The last couple years have been a doozy that's for sure. >inb4 weed turns you gay
I don't mind it at all. When I look in the mirror, my facial hair and muscles make me feel like a man. The community sees me as a man (I get 100% sirs/gentleman/buddy now.
I think this is majorly in part to my sexual interest in men. I love vaginal intercourse. Sometimes I do like to top with a strap on, as a power play, but rarely do I genuinely feel sorrow for not having my own.
I think that if I was interested in girls then I would feel much different, as if I couldnt satisfy them in a very specific way (the conventional way).
I don't think my opinion is popular, but I know I can't be the only person that doesn't have bottom dysphoria. Some might not even say I'm really trans or really a man, but I dont give a shit because I took the rational action of doing something that I thought would improve my quality of life, and it did.
I see a man in the mirror, and everyone sees me as male. I was unhappy and had low self esteem pretransition, and now I have confidence and am happy.
>>5543681 i saw them as a biological process that i just had to deal with. i managed to take a very clinical view of my body in that regard, and was able to get through them without feeling too bad. but they were pretty frustrating. before i realized i was trans, they made me mad because they felt completely pointless, like it was such a waste of my time and money and energy to deal with something so utterly useless to me. it felt like i was being punished. after i realized i was trans they made me mad because they were a reminder of my femaleness and gender issues and genitalia that i now realized i had dysphoria about.
one of the best parts about T is no more periods tho. i haven't had a period since 2013 and let me tell you life without periods is amazing.
>>5528289 Is that normal? When I look at post op arms on google image search they just look like normal arms with scaring. But his arm looks like a skeleton with skin streched over. Did the surgeon remove too much muscle?
>>5526889 hi, lets not make this hard FRIEND? question mark.
don't post pictures of the LFC™ in action without expressed permission from the groups leader. cirno, also known as the ice fairy of salt lake city, which is more like frozne lake city but that's not the point my friend or should I say baka. haha got you there.
so friend lets get this right, as the legal attorney for the LFC™, we decline your willingness to deploy cirnos likeness.
>>5545041 Different anon, but do you mean are there more MtFs who want to fuck FtMs? I hope so, I'm just beginning to transition (FtM), but the T has made me ridiculously horny, and I've found myself fantasizing about being with a trans woman. I doubt it will ever happen, but I can dream...
Welp, that's it, off to watch "shemale" porn and wish I had a dick to jerk. I used to think I'd never consider any sort of genital surgery, but now, I'm not so sure.
>>5545791 I have nothing against it, in fact it sounds like it could be fun. But I don't know much about ftm's appearances. I could go for a femboy type of guy or a muscular sort. A big limiter would be height though, I'm in the 'tall for a girl' range and I assume most ftms are in the 'short for a boy' range.
>>5548047 at least when ftms are freakishly small people think they have something wrong with them physically and not that they are girls. They probably can pass more because most people think they are children or have some hormone problem, which could explain the feminine face. Idk though, I dont know any ftms.
>>5547906 My profile is only viewable by other gays, and 99% of the people I interact with in daily life are either not heterosexual or not on this site. When I do searches on the site I don't ever see anyone in my area or that I know (small town).
I'll take it down as soon as I find a boyfriend. Plus I'm not doing it just to get laid, I can do that.
>>5543681 Before I knew I was trans, I just accepted it as fact of life but heavily considerd hysterectomy. After coming out they didn't make me feel like less of a man, I just dealt with it.
So glad that's over now though. Was so gross and painful. Had to change tampons in the men's room a couple times, where they don't keep trashcans in rhe stalls. Would awkwardly tissue paper the applicator up and hide it in my hand, leave stall and throw it away.
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