>Watching anime with volume very loud to avoid hearing my own thoughts
going fat greaseball neckbeard guymode because thinking "if I put the effort in, maybe I'd pass" is better than trying your absolute hardest to pass and look feminine as possible only to look in the mirror and see a hon
>play csgo on casual
>realize if i die i wont hear G major Blood on the Dance floor micspammed
>realize ill never get a knife
>realize ill never be who i am if i just pull a an hero
plus i dont want to become the next trans martyr
In the same vein I think its a good time to tune out.
Humans arent perfect and using some additional substances can really help you through your day. Just choose the right substances
No alchohol, ciggerettes or barbs
Psychedelics are safe and by utilizing lower then recreational doses they can give you a happy boost on days your not. Weed can be expensive but keep your tolerance down and its really nice to numb the pain
Also the illicet drug community is rife with trannies so people are pretty respectful
Benzos, noise, and alcohol desu. Weed helps too, but I like this combo better desu. Opiates in general are really good as well.
Shower in scorching heat so I won't feel so numb
Take more slutty pictures of myself and put them on the internet for validation.
Meditate on the concept of not existing, maybe I'll be too scared to do it
Offroading at 60mph with a handle of jameson until the adrenaline overload makes you numb and the alcohol makes you tired.
The bonus is, I could fuck up, understeer and achieve the same end in a horrific accident with nobody around to see it or help.
yeah, i was looking at tranylcypromine (Parnate) since it would be a way of taking an antiparkinsogenic maoi and amphetamine all at once, then i found out it really is an inhibitor of prostacyclin synthase, to the point of being a research chemical for that very activity. still don't know how to interpret this. i took it at 19 with no effect, but i think i would likely respond to it on memantine given how little adderall i need to simulate functioning and interest in life
I went into a GAP dressing room yesterday and I was actually surprised and just a bit pleased by what I saw in the mirror. My upper body was a lot less muscular than before, you could say it looked like a young boy's chest, plus the bit of breast tissue. Still feel bad that I didn't start before puberty, but it's something.
I never thought that I might help you but you seem to need help
Do mindfulness meditation
The practice is clearing your toughs
If you begin and you get toughs don't worry just go back to the present
Try to do it at least 20 min daily the more the better
Read the power of now by Eckar Tolle
accept your condition and surrender to the present
I am just a ex-suicidal polack
Why even try to not kill yourself? Is there a reason to not end it? I mean, there must be some expectation of an improvement, but I don't see any reason to think that there will be.
Practice some kind of art or craft. I took up crochet recently, and find satisfaction and fulfillment in making gifts for other people with my own two hands.
dxm is mediocre. Also I burnt out my dissociative tolerane with RCs and now I have to wait forever before I can use them recreationally again. Nowadays I just use psychedelics, I can't use them every day but they're trippier and feel more meaningful than dissociatives so that's a plus.